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Better To Die Alone Than With A Non-Legal Partner, Right? Right!

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PurpleMonkeyDinosaur
05/19/09

In reply to Better To Die Alone Than With A Non-Legal Partner, Right? Right!
Wait...how did the hospital know she wanted last rites? I didn't think that was automatic...what if she wasn't Catholic? Or is that more Florida asshatery?

PS. My BFF is from Tampa. Wonderful weather, horrible policies.
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Wit is periodically disensouled
05/19/09

@PurpleMonkeyDinosaur: I'm guessing it was a Catholic hospital, in which case someone's got some learning to do about charity and humanity and not walking around being all judgy with a stick up your ass.
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trublusu
05/19/09

In reply to Better To Die Alone Than With A Non-Legal Partner, Right? Right!
When I first signed up to donate, my blood was tested right on the spot for HIV and other contagious diseases, I thought that was normal procedure.
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Ipomoea
05/19/09

@trublusu: Where did you go? I donate through a local nonprofit blood center and they don't test on the spot for anything more than having enough iron (which I've failed a few times).
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lalaland13
05/19/09

In reply to Better To Die Alone Than With A Non-Legal Partner, Right? Right!
It's stuff like this that would probably drive me to get married, after shacking up for a few years first. And it drives me nuts that because I happened to be born with the "right" sexuality, I'd be considered OK at this hospital.

For the fuck of shit. I'm surprised they didn't send the gays to church to be "cured." Such narrowmindedness sickens.
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leftyleftylou
05/19/09

In reply to Better To Die Alone Than With A Non-Legal Partner, Right? Right!
... notice how the sister never even had to prove her identity ... but just the mention of "teh gayz" got the social worker to spout about how anti-gay the city and state (and she, most likely) was.

This is a horrible situation, and one of reasons why my wife and I will never consider moving anywhere else than San Francisco. In the outlands, we are not tolerated.
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Princess Leela
05/19/09

@leftyleftylou: Hold up now ... there are a growing number of places outside San Fran where tolerance is the watchword.
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Ipomoea
05/19/09

@leftyleftylou: I'd think that Seattle or any of the growing number of states that have legalized gay marriage would welcome you quite happily... and possibly with a lower cost of living, as well.
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Wit is periodically disensouled
05/19/09

In reply to Better To Die Alone Than With A Non-Legal Partner, Right? Right!
THIS is why "civil unions" are not enough.

Also? Refusing admission to the holder of the patient's healthcare proxy? I'm not a medmal attorney, but I'd be doing my damnedest to go after somebody's license at that point. Bastards.
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Laulau
05/19/09

@Wit is periodically disensouled: It is so clear that the only reason the state sees a need to distinguish "civil unions" and "marriage" is discrimination. None of my married atheist friends were looking to the state to speak to the "sanctity" of their marriages.
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Wibbles
05/19/09

@Wit is periodically disensouled: If you read Amendment 2, that is now part of the state constitution, the ballot language reads like so:

"This amendment protects marriage as the legal union of only one man and one woman as husband and wife and provides that no other legal union that is treated as marriage or the substantial equivalent thereof shall be valid or recognized"
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Wibbles
05/19/09

@Wibbles: Also, note that it doesn't say anything about The Gays. If you're straight and have a civil union, it doesn't count.
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Laulau
05/19/09

@Wibbles: I don't think any states in the U.S. issue civil unions for the straights. We get marriages, whether we like it or not. Again, a terminological difference that clearly is just in place to promote discrimination.

Though, again, in this case the couple had medical proxy forms, in which case it doesn't matters whether you love the person, sleep with the person, or have never met the person before. It's a legally binding document giving medical power of attorney to the other party.
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Wit is periodically disensouled
05/19/09

@Wibbles: Amendment 2 of what? Because I'm seeing a lot of stuff about guns and militias with nary a complete sentence to congeal them all together. I'm going to assume you're talking about Florida's state constitution? Maybe?
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Wit is periodically disensouled
05/19/09

@Laulau: Yes, it's "separate but equal" all over again, including the intention of never ever wanting it to be actually equal.
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district of confusion
05/19/09

@Laulau: DC has domestic partnerships for straights or gays. But as reported on public radio recently, straight people do not choose domestic partnerships - just one more proof that separate is not equal in this case.
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Laulau
05/19/09

@district of confusion: Phew, good thing DC has limited voting rights!

/sarcasm

And now I'm off on my civil rights rant...
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Vivelafat says Sweep the leg, Johnny.
05/19/09

In reply to Better To Die Alone Than With A Non-Legal Partner, Right? Right!
This is actually why my husband and I got married. After my mother died I realized just how difficult it was to get her affairs in order, and I was her DAUGHTER. It would have been impossible for someone not related to her. I didn't want my husband to die and me not have any say on how he was buried or what would happen to his things. This is my main argument on why gay people should be allowed to marry. (well that and THEY WANT TO.)
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tinydundie42
05/19/09

In reply to Better To Die Alone Than With A Non-Legal Partner, Right? Right!
This just makes me sick to my stomach. I don't understand it. What is *wrong* with people?
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schlegs84
05/19/09

In reply to Better To Die Alone Than With A Non-Legal Partner, Right? Right!
Can you imagine not letting someone's partner in to say goodbye? Sometimes it just seems like some people are just evil.
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.stop the hate of prop 8.
05/19/09

In reply to Better To Die Alone Than With A Non-Legal Partner, Right? Right!
my wife and i (we were married in canada but live in ohio, so we have NO rights) hired a lawyer to draw up financial and healthcare power of attorney statements for each of us. that is one way gay or straight couples can get around the legal block. because individual hospitals have to accept, listen to, and allow visitation to whoever is the healthcare power of attorney. this is completely unfair to have to hire a lawyer, spend over a thousand dollars and always carry around documentation where ever we travel to just to have a handful of rights that legally married couples do.
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Princess Leela
05/19/09

@.stop the hate of prop 8.: That's what's so terrible about this case. She and her partner, like you and your wife, clearly had planned for something like this to happen, which is unfortunately just what you have to do if you don't have marriage rights. They had all their ducks in a row. Health-care proxy forms even though they are only in their 30s.

Partner then produced said forms and THEY WERE IGNORED. AAAAGGGHHH.
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.stop the hate of prop 8.
05/19/09

@Princess Leela: AAAAAGGGGHHH indeed! and if you relay this info to opposite marriage supporters they still don't understand or have empathy. double AAAAGGGHHH!
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Princess Leela
05/19/09

@.stop the hate of prop 8.: Yeah, at some point I become wordlessly enraged over this shit, and AAAAAAGH seems to become the only possible response ...

Hope none of those opposite marriage supporters ever experience losing a loved one to whom they're not legally related. Bah. BAAAAH.
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Laulau
05/19/09

@.stop the hate of prop 8.: Oh, I think they understand, but you hit the nail on the head with the lack of empathy. My father says I'm being intolerant in my own turn, but I think people who are solidly against same sex marriage (vs people who have led sheltered lives and just don't know any better yet) should be put on an ice floe and sent out to sea. They are honestly just bad people who are a menace to society.
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NefariousNewt
05/19/09

In reply to Better To Die Alone Than With A Non-Legal Partner, Right? Right!
Why don't the Florida hospitals that adhere to this policy just get it over with and erect signs saying "No Gays Allowed." They can use the old "No Negroes Allowed" signs as a template.
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PrarieMuffin
05/19/09

@NefariousNewt: Don't give them any ideas.
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NefariousNewt
05/19/09

@PrarieMuffin: I don't think I have. I think old habits die hard, and if you can't discriminate against blacks anymore, well, you've got to turn that hate against someone, so why not pick on homosexuals? Everybody hates them, right?!?!?!?

Sorry... this makes me angry.
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PrarieMuffin
05/19/09

@NefariousNewt: Knowing that you're right kills pieces of my soul that I didn't know I could live without.
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Princess Leela
05/19/09

In reply to Better To Die Alone Than With A Non-Legal Partner, Right? Right!
This is the same shit that people go through with end-of-life care in parts of this country. The patient has made informed decisions about just how they want things to go, but the particular culture of the region, or even just of the hospital, means that they are ignored in practice. My mom has floated the idea of moving to Florida from VT now that she and dad are retired. This reminds me to tell her I would give a LOT of thought to how a hospital like this might treat my dad (who was just diagnosed with a chronic condition, and has long told us that when the time comes he does NOT want extreme measures taken to prolong his life).
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whynotshesaid
05/19/09

@Princess Leela: Warn your mom to do a lot of research before making that decision. The cost of living has gone up considerably in recent years, to the point where more people are choosing to retire in Georgia or the Carolinas rather than deal with all of the bullshit that goes on down here.
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ragincajun67
05/19/09

In reply to Better To Die Alone Than With A Non-Legal Partner, Right? Right!
Aside from the obvious wrong-ness of that social worker's behavior,

in what universe is Miami an antigay city?
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morninggloria
05/19/09

@ragincajun67: I was thinking the same thing. Has the nurse ever been to South Beach? I have never seen so many well-groomed, extraordinarily attractive gay people in my life.
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FashionShowAtLunch
05/19/09

@ragincajun67: Miami is a strange, strange place.

Being gay is cool if you're rich and fashionable and are on South Beach. But in reality it is one of the most bigoted places I have ever been. In so so many ways.
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Princess Leela
05/19/09

@ragincajun67: @morninggloria: @FashionShowAtLunch: Wondering if in fact this does have a lot to do with the difference between Miami Beach and just plain Miami (pardon if this is screamingly obvious ... I just visited for the first time a few months ago and never knew before that that they were separate cities). Depends somewhat on what hospital she ended up at, I suppose.
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FashionShowAtLunch
05/19/09

@Princess Leela:

You're absolutely correct - Miami Beach is in Greater Miami, but it's its own little world, and is probably about a 20-minute drive from Jackson Memorial. So, yeah. Totally different place.
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whynotshesaid
05/19/09

@ragincajun67: Also, don't forget that it is in Florida, and even though the state has a huge population of gay men and women, it is also home to a lot of the demented religious types who believe that homosexuality is akin to fucking the family dog.
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missbananafish
05/19/09

In reply to Better To Die Alone Than With A Non-Legal Partner, Right? Right!
This exact scenario scares the bejesus out of me! I live far away from the rest of my family and my friends would be able to get to me in the hospital much sooner than any family member could, but am I going to have to die alone in a hospital bed because my friends aren't allowed in? Ugh. I feel so bad for those kids - they are going to need some serious therapy after this.
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Fridge Hussy : Is finally heading back to uni!
05/19/09

@missbananafish: It scares me too. If, in the future, I am not on good terms with my boyfriend's family - which is possible - and something happens to him, I may not be allowed in.
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Cerridwen
05/19/09

@missbananafish: It really, really scares me too. I can't imagine being separated from someone you love when you know they are dying but dying all alone without loved ones is just terrifying, frankly. There is such a lack of humanity and compassion in this story...
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sympathyforthebasementcat
05/19/09

In reply to Better To Die Alone Than With A Non-Legal Partner, Right? Right!
Do no harm: Ur doin it rong.
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CurtCole
05/19/09

In reply to Better To Die Alone Than With A Non-Legal Partner, Right? Right!
This article just makes me want to cry and it just shows how far we have to come. It is sad that even with all of the proper paperwork in place (a very expensive and tedious task) LGBT couples are still given hell when it comes to visitation rights. Granted this isn't the only aspect in which we are discriminated against when it comes to the medical community. I was recently turned away from donating blood (I am O negative and have always made it a point to donate) because I identified myself as a homosexual man. They deemed me too at risk for HIV, even though I engage in safe sex and have a clean bill of health. Last time I checked gay men weren't even the highest demographic for contracting HIV, I believe it is African-American females ages 18-35. Does anyone else think I am wrong in thinking discrimination like this is unwarrented, or am I just being over-sensitive?
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Flackette Goes Retro
05/19/09

@CurtCole: I think it's unwarranted, especially now that statistics show gay men aren't even the fastest-growing demographic for the disease. Anyway, they already screen the blood. For all they know a nice young white heterosexual woman could have HIV or Hep C.
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GeorgeFayne
05/19/09

@CurtCole: Blood donation standards are totally discriminatory, and have been for years. It's fucked up, and gross.
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Ipomoea
05/19/09

@CurtCole: No, this is a longstanding argument regarding blood donation. The sad part about the most at-risk demographic is that from what I understand, most of these women are contracting HIV from partners who self-identify as hetero but have unprotected sex with other men.
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baraqiel
05/19/09

@CurtCole: For what it's worth, regarding donating blood, the Red Cross has wanted to change this for years. It's an FDA regulation. No blood bank is legally allowed to let you donate. It's totally fucked up, but it's not the blood bank's fault. (I say this mostly because I've had friends who wanted to boycott giving blood after knowing about this, and it's REALLY important, which clearly you know, and I'd hate to see the blood banks punished for something they've been trying to change unsuccessfully.)
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CurtCole
05/19/09

@Ipomoea: Really? Sometimes I wonder if there is an at-risk demographic at all. Seems like anyone engaging in sex would be at risk by this point.
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CurtCole
05/19/09

@baraqiel: Oh, I totally agree with you on this point. Refusing to donate blood is a bad idea, they are always in desperate need and I don't feel that it is a logical way to protest.
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baraqiel
05/19/09

@Ipomoea: Also, women contract HIV from men who are IV drug users and share needles. That's one of the big arguments in favor of needle exchanges.

@CurtCole: Unfortunately, no, HIV is mostly confined in this country to certain populations. From my understanding, actually, HIV isn't very easy to catch as STIs go. The virus itself is pretty weak and will die outside of a body within 30 seconds (it can be hours for other microbes) and many people don't catch it after a single exposure. But once it gains a foothold in you...
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Samanthrax
05/19/09

@CurtCole: That totally sucks and I had no idea that they did that. I guess it kind of makes sense, if you buy that certain demographics are more prone to it than others, and HIV can take months to show up in tests. Have you ever thought about lying about your orientation? It would suck to have to do that.
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whynotshesaid
05/19/09

@CurtCole: I've always thought it was ridiculous that gay men are barred from giving blood. I know they are trying to do risk management and all that, but a) those parameters are based on some outdated notions, like you said, b) they can and do check blood for any possible problems like this and c) it's not like people are fucking knocking down the doors to let a someone stick a needle in their arm and draw out a few pints of blood. They should be willing to let anyone who wants to do so.
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CurtCole
05/19/09

@Samanthrax is Sarcastic: No, I don't think that would be appropriate, or even legal. If the FDA rules me unsafe, then so be it. Just sucks to be a universal donor and not be able to give.
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Samanthrax
05/19/09

@CurtCole: I honestly know nothing about donating blood, and I didn't know that there were so many legalities when it came to it. Well. I'm sorry.
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baraqiel
05/19/09

@Samanthrax is Sarcastic: They actually have a new test that can detect HIV as soon as about 10 days after infection. Of course, it's expensive, but as it gains traction and becomes cheaper, that will no longer be a relevant problem.
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Samanthrax
05/19/09

@baraqiel: That's awesome. Hopefully it won't take a zillion years for widespread use.
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Ipomoea
05/19/09

@Samanthrax is Sarcastic: The blood donation rules are incredibly strict-- no gay men, nobody who's been to Africa within a certain time period, nobody who's had sexual contact with someone who's been to Africa within a certain time period, nobody who's had a tattoo or piercing... I donated both blood and platelets fairly regularly, but I got a tattoo a month ago and I don't know when or if I'll be able to donate again.
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Slovenly Muse
05/19/09

@CurtCole: Clearly it is not HIV they're worried about you giving to the grievously injured. It's the gay.
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