• On Sunday, Michelle Wie won her first LPGA tour title. This was her 65th LPGA tour event, and while she had finished second six times, she had never managed a win. ''Wowww-w-w ...... never thought this would feel THIS great!!!!" she said on Twitter. • President Obama told - not asked - Burma's junta to free pro-democracy leader Suu Kyi at a recent summit with the Burmese prime minister. •  A Zambian reporter has been acquitted of pornography charges, which could have held a five year sentence if she had been convicted. The so-called porn possessed by Chansa Kabwela was actually photographs of a mother giving birth in a car park, which Kabwela did not publish but instead sent out to women's rights groups. • The suburban swim club outside Philadelphia that was accused of discrimination earlier this year has announced plans to declare bankruptcy. The club reportedly asked several children not to return because of "racial animus" expressed by a member. But the swim club's president denies that their closing has anything to do with the legal proceedings. •  A bushfire on the Steve Irwin Wildlife Reserve has turned the area into an "animal graveyard." Some blame Terri Irwin for improperly managing the property, but Irwin blames it on pig hunters, who she claims were probably trying to clear the land. •  A recent study published in the British Medical Journal found that current policies to reduce teen pregnancies are simply not working. The study also linked certain factors to teen pregnancy, including dislike of school, poverty, unhappy childhoods and low expectations for the future. •  For the first time in decades, the U.S. skating team has no clear-cut Olympic medal contender. "In the past, we've had Michelle Kwan, Peggy Fleming and Dorothy Hamill year after year, and every time we felt that they were going to win the gold medal," said David Ruth, executive director of US Figure Skating. "But when Michael Jordan left the N.B.A, they were looking for a new star, and we're looking for a new star." • Researchers have found that texting may be linked to neck pain, caused primarily by the hunched-over body position favored by serial texters. • Doctors are hopeful that a vaccine for chlamydia isn't far away. However, previous research has shown that injections don't work very well, so a vaccine may come in the form of a vaginal cream or spray. •  Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi has pissed off some 200 Italian women after he placed an ad recruiting "attractive girls between 18 and 35 years old" for an "event." While most expected a party, the event turned out to be a two hour lesson intended to convert them to Islam. •  A recent report touts the benefits of distributing contraceptives in Uganda. The report estimates that meeting just half of Ugandan women's unmet needs for contraceptives would yield dramatic health benefits, including an expected 21% decline in maternal deaths. • Angie Young's film The Coat Hanger Project tells the story of how abortions have actually become increasingly less accessible in the decades since Roe vs. Wade. One good example: the Stupak amendment. You can take action against the pro-choice Democrats who supported the amendment by signing a petition to send them a coat hanger. • The Association of Chief Police Officers in England and Wales has proposed a domestic violence register to track an estimated 25,000 serial abusers. The register would allow people to look up a man's history including convictions and unproven allegations. The Association is also pushing for the creation of a "course of conduct" offense to make it easier to go after serial offenders, even if there isn't enough evidence to prosecute each individual case. • Janet Clark went to a British hospital because she believed she'd gone into labor in her 25th week of pregnancy, but a doctor and four midwives told her to go home. The next day she went back and was told to go home again, and then started giving birth on the toilet. "A pregnant woman shouldn't have to plead with medical staff," said Clark, who had a healthy baby boy. • In a study 54 Caucasian subjects were asked to manipulate the skin color of male and female faces on a computer screen to make them appear as healthy as possible. Most increased the rosiness, yellowness, and brightness of the skin. "In the West we often think that sun tanning is the best way to improve the color of your skin," said researcher Dr. Ian Stephen, "But our research suggests that living a healthy lifestyle with a good diet might actually be better." The study didn't address what makes non-white faces appear healthier and attractive. • Researchers found that in business, gender is a factor in measuring a team's performance, but but not the leaders themselves. In industries in which most leadership positions are held by men, people will expect more of teams led by men, but expectations of the leaders themselves are not influenced by gender. • In an interview on CBS' Early Show Mary Lou Quinlan, author of What She's Not Telling You: Why Women Hide the Whole Truth and What Marketers Can Do About It, says women tell "half truths" about "anything with a number in it. Their age, their weight, how many drinks they had." • In a new interview with CBS News, Laura Bush said Texas feels like it's a million miles away from Washington. "...Not that I ever felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders, or that George did when I lived there — but when it was gone, I could notice it," she said. "There's a great feeling of freedom." •

[Melbourne, November 2. Image via Getty]

Young children dressed up as horses join a parade ahead of the Melbourne Cup horse race in Melbourne on November 2, 2009. The national preoccupation with legendary trainer Bart Cummings and second-string entries by Godolphin and Luca Cumani mean international horses are under the radar for November 3's Melbourne Cup. AFP PHOTO/William WEST (Photo credit should read WILLIAM WEST/AFP/Getty Images)

[Melbourne, October 28. Image via Getty]

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA - OCTOBER 28: Stable foreperson Lizzie Jelfs kisses Changing of the Guard on the nose after trackwork at Sandown Racecourse on October 28, 2009 in Melbourne, Australia. (Photo by Quinn Rooney/Getty Images)

On the one hand: When Vogue tries to be funny, it kind of sucks the fun out of mocking the magazine. On the other hand: A HORSE WEARING A HAT.

I don't even know what to do.

Here's the obvious solution:

But if you have something better, please use the awesome roflbot and paste your version in the comments.

Earlier: Vogue's November Cover: Photoshop Of Horrors
Previous LOLVogues

In addition to the perfect gown for bed-tennis (a variant on table tennis?), Vogue also offers a fur coat for wading around by the seaside (goes great with wellies!), and, on page 234, the perfect hat for your horse (only $237). The magazine returns to breakfast fashion with Sally Singer's profile of Michelle Williams. Williams's "great friend" Daphne Javitch has this to say about the actress's clothing choices: "So much of her style has to do with the fact that she's a soulful, practical, beautiful kind of person. [...] Can she get a bagel in it?" We tend to ask this question of our toasters, not our outfits, which we guess makes us "soulful, practical, beautiful" — and hungry.

Our story begins behind a fence. You see, pop stars have to build up walls, to keep out the world — fame is a cage, really. These three hardened, sharpened points represent the past, present, and the future.

You may think this statue means the car has arrived at a polo club. But the horse is a symbol of the yearning to be free. Native Americans equated horses with spirit winds and messengers. Horses also stand for strength and hard work. Hello? Britney works hard for the money, so you better treat her right!

Product placement.

Our heroine emerges. No one greets her.

The choice to shoot Britney framed by the crotch of a horse is to remind us that she is a mere human, a small person on a large planet; fragile. Also: Thin, now.

Product placement.

Our heroine has magically changed clothes. She descends a staircase — goes down the rabbit hole, if you will, deep into her subconscious. There's a light on. And a package with some balls. You do the math.

She peeks around the corner.

A man is finishing getting dressed, which means we — er — she just missed him bare-chested. Damn.

Like many men who exist only in one's subconscious, he remains faceless. Also, there are no razors in the subconscious.

Suddenly, the man is astride a muscular steed, brandishing a polo mallet. Note the number 3 — the most mystical number. Three is the first odd prime number, and there are three types of molecular bonds. There were three witches in Macbeth; Adolf Hitler's Empire was the 3rd Reich; shamrocks have three leaves; three little bears, three billy goats gruff, you always get three wishes and there's a Christian Holy Trinity. Britney Spears is only female artist in music history to have her first three albums debut at number one. She married her first husband, Jason Alexander, on January 3. She got engaged to Kevin Federline three months after they met. The book Britney wrote with her mom, Britney Spears's Heart to Heart, was printed by Three Rivers Press.

Shakespeare often made puns about riding — meaning sex. Some believe that when a young woman gets really into horseback riding, she is channeling her sexual urges.

In any case, Britney has changed her ensemble again, so she can watch the action. Note how she wears all black, to signify how deep and dark she is; the white room reminds you: None of this is really happening.

She looks out on the cold, isolated landscape to find her Faceless Man; and the sexy freedom of him straddling a horse. Somehow you can tell that she thinks he holds all the answers, all the keys to the mysteries she can't solve.

But he's just playing with his balls.

It's disappointing, to say the least. This is her subconscious fantasy, dammit!

Product placement.

Product placement. And proof of empty uterus: At least she didn't have unprotected sex with the guy. Also: Thin!

…And: Scene.

•  A recent study has found that alcohol has no effect on one's ability to judge age, which is bad news for anyone who wants to claim being drunk as an excuse for sleeping with a minor. Also: alcohol had a "significant impact" on making older faces with a lot of makeup appear more attractive to participants. • A North Carolina State University design team is working on making new, less revealing, and hopefully more comfortable, hospital gowns. • New research suggests that there may be a link between perfectionism and binge eating. • Ever wondered what a pro-abortion diet would look like? World of Wonder has the answer. • Today's New York Times profiles Allannah Thomas, who works with a nonprofit group to help low-income women achieve their full potential through math classes. • Meet Jennifer Fearing, the "rising star" of California's animal rights movement. Despite her fear of birds, Fearing has worked to improve the lives of farm raised chickens across the state. •  Police in Tracy, CA have received dozens of calls from people who simply cannot believe that Melissa Huckaby, as a woman, was capable of raping and murdering someone else's daughter. • Click here to watch a strange and disjointed time-lapse video that explains how babies are really made. • Is Katie Price (more commonly known as Jordan) a feminist icon? We're going with no, but the Times makes an interesting case for the famous glamor model. • More than 20 polo horses died this Sunday in Wellington, Florida. 15 of the horses died instantly, while the rest lingered for almost an hour. Experts are still searching for the cause of death. •

• Young women who have undergone breast reductive surgery may have been screened for cancer without their consent, according to a recent report. • Doctors hope that a new type of screening for ovarian cancer will help decrease the number of cancer-related deaths among women. • Ugh: the Caylee Anthony "tribute" dolls are back. • Mormons are up in arms about an upcoming episode of HBO show Big Love that plans to depict a sacred Mormon temple. The church has not called for a boycott, believing (rightly so) that it would only give Big Love free publicity. • According to a new study, the high incidence of child marriage in India could lead to "poor fertility outcomes" among women. • Click here to watch a video of a turtle humping a shoe. • A preacher in rural Alabama is under fire for his "sexy sermons". The sex-positive sermons received negative attention after the church sponsored billboards that read "Great sex: God's way." • A baby boy born in Russia has just undergone surgery to correct his birth defect: he was born with two penises. • A Maryland woman was seriously injured (and probably embarrassed) from an incident involving a sex toy attached to a power saw. • Fertility patients are pleased with Obama's decision to lift the ban on stem cell research, since their donated embryos can now be put to good use. However, Scientists have some doubts. • New research from the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia indicates that many doctors don't really understand the emergency contraception pill, and because of this, they don't often suggest it. • Studies performed on rats have found that children whose mothers drink alcoholic beverages while pregnant may find the taste more palatable than those born to teetotalers. • And for those of us who may be predisposed to loving the booze, there is a new website that can help monitor alcohol consumption. • More Filipinos are beginning to question the Catholic Church's teachings on birth control. "The influence of the Catholic Church has steadily weakened, just like in other countries," says Congressman Edcel Lagman. • According to a poll from 2007, 54% of Icelanders don't deny the existence of elves, and many believe that elves could be to blame for building disasters. • While women in Saudi Arabia are restricted from many activities, horse riding is not among them. • Protesters of the Miss University London pageant chained themselves to the entrance with bike locks and set off stink bombs. • The Scottish Prison Inspector has announced that many female inmates are living in "dismal and damaging conditions. • A new study shows that women expect men to do "masculine" chores, like taking out the garbage and mowing the lawn. • Film company Target Entertainment has bought the rights to a feature-length documentary titled "Monster: The Josef Fritzl Story." • Katie Couric has received a Walter Cronkite Award for Excellence for her coverage of the 2008 campaign. • A 17-year-old gunman dressed in military gear entered a high school in Germany and murdered fifteen of his classmates. Out of the fifteen, fourteen were female. • Firefighters in the UK have gotten multiple calls about this dwarf pony's stumpy legs. • Last night Congress passed a bill that will help provide cheap birth control for college women. • And if you don't like hormones, a new, cheaper, female condom has been approved for sale in the U.S. • A total of 43 people in norther Nicaragua have fallen ill with "crazy sickness." • Female Guardian writer tries boxing, realizes it's an intense workout. • Men are shelling out big bucks for hair plugs to combat society's prejudice against the bald. • Salt may be addictive, says a new study on the evolutionary reasons for human's taste for salt. • 

[Vatican City, December 31. Image via Getty.]

VATICAN CITY: A horse of the Italian equastrian police stands in front of St Peter's Square at the Vatican on December 31, 2008. The Vatican will no longer automatically adopt new Italian laws as its own, a top Vatican official said, citing the vast number of laws Italy churns out, many of which are in odds with Catholic doctrine. (Photo by FILIPPO MONTEFORTE/AFP/Getty Images)

HONG KONG, CHINA - AUGUST 14: Anky van Grunsven performs during the Dressage Grand Prix held at the Hong Kong Olympic Equestrian Venue in Sha Tin during day 6 of the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games on August 14, 2008 in Hong Kong, China. (Photo by Julian Herbert/Getty Images)

[On the set of "Australia," Sydney, August 11. Image via Splash.]

[London, June 14. Image via INFDaily.]

[Royal Windsor Horse Show, Windsor, England, May 9. Images via Splash.]

• Eating disorder charities are asking websites like MySpace and Facebook to have stronger rules about their content, after they found that some girls are using the sites to promote the pro-ana mentality. But where will Nicole Richie post her teeny tiny baby bump pictures? [Daily Mail]
  
• Feminist author Taslima Nasreen, who's been a critic of Islam's treatment of women, was attacked by Muslim lawmakers at a book signing in Hyderabad, India. Show your support the capitalist way, by buying her books on Amazon. [Reuters]
  

• Feministing took issue with Hillary Clinton referring to herself as a "girl" during the AFL-CIO's debate the other night. Which we agree with. I mean, what man, besides Flava Flav, refers to himself as a "Boyyyyyyy"? [Feministing]
• Speaking of Hil, the Post (who would seriously sell more papers if they could hate on the Presidential candidate during the entire 2008 election) cites a new poll that has Senator Clinton toppling our handsome boyfriend Barack Obama. Booo! [Ed: Okay, so this opinion doesn't represent all of the Jezebels— at least not yet.] [NY Post]
• Bloomberg's daughter Georgina is makin' it with an Irish equestrian. It seems kind dangerous to horseback ride after 15 pints of Guinness. [NY Post]
• The Department of Investigation reports that at least 10 kid deaths could have been prevented if the Administration for Children's Services wasn't so piss poor incompetent. Apparently, ACS would just clear parents of any abuse charges based solely on their denials. Next you're going to tell us that the "guilty" ones only had to write their kids an apology note. [NY Post]
• Trouble is a-brewin' behind the scenes of the Barney's sale. And we're not even referring to the chick we clocked in the face for trying to rip the 90%-off Marc Jacobs dress out of our hands at the Warehouse close-out. [NY Times]
• Well at least there's some justice in the world... Sort of. A homeless Queens man was sentenced to 40 years in prison for the rape of a woman last year. Enjoy that roof over your head and daily ham sandwich while it lasts — for the next 14,600 days, asshole. [NY Times]
• Peace activist and thorn-in-Bush's-side Cindy Sheehan is running as an Independent against Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi in San Francisco. No word yet on how she plans to pay for her campaign or woo the gays. [SF Gate]
• A lawsuit against San Francisco's O'Farrell Theatre says that the exotic nightclub acted illegally when it set impossible quotas for its dancers — causing some of them to have to pay out of pocket when they came up short. See the suffering that occurs when Ben Affleck gives up lapdances for marriage and kids? [SF Gate]
• SF Gate writer Violet Blue's guide to conservative sexual fetishes — Michelle Malkin, this one is for you! [SF Gate]
• If all husbands were judged by the ones who write in to Brian Alexander's "Sexploration" column, the chances of marriage would not look good for our boyfriend. [MSNBC]
• Maryland prudes are fighting Montgomery County's new sex ed program in court. They want topics like homosexuality, gender identity, and proper contraception use to only be discussed if a student asks about them. Maryland students, here's an example: "Teacher, if I were a gay and liked to wear my mom's high-heels while I had sex with my best friend Kyle, how would I roll on the rubber?" [Ms.]

[Los Angeles, June 24. Image via Bauer-Griffin]