Jezebel: honey

Snack Break

Slut Machine — Thu, 15 May 2008 14:40:00 EDT

I went to the bodega this morning to buy some breakfast — cigarettes, Gatorade, and Doritos — and saw that Doritos are doing that whole "mystery flavor" thing again. (Last year the mystery flavor turned out to be "cheeseburger.") Click the image for my guess.

So the chips are very yellow, with yellow powder and slightly green crystals. (Weird, I know!)

They smell like feet, but then again, so do Fritos. (My dog's paws always smell like Fritos!) As far as the taste goes, they're very sweet — the Doritos, not my dog's paws — with a vinegar/tangy kick. They're not bad, but it's not a flavor I would actually buy because I craved it. Here are the list of ingredients:

Whole corn, vegetable oil, corn, soybean, sunflower oil, sugar, salt, corn maltodestrin, fructose, dextrose, citric acid, buttermilk powder, monosodium glutamate, corn syrup, natural flavors, sodium diacetrate, modified corn starch, artificial color, and malic acid.

Yeah, no clues in there. WTF are "natural flavors"? Anyway, my official guess is: "Honey Mustard".

Your Period Could Save Your Life; Swedish Prisoner Gifts Guards With Wooden Willies

maria — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 17:30:00 EDT

• Scientists have found stem cells in menstrual blood. • And a new company, C'elle, is already offering women period blood storage starting at just $99/year! • Joan Benoit Samuelson, "the matriarch of marathons," is running Olympic trials in Boston for fun. • Amy Poehler eats Honey Nut Cheerios because of The Wire• An ex-prisoner in Sweden was fined after he gave parting gifts of wooden dicks to female guards. • More from Sweden: a Muslim woman won a discrimination case after she was told to vacate a bus for wearing a niqab scarf. • The first born are usually the smartest. • The Supreme Court will consider using the death penalty for child rape. • Media Matters calls Bill O'Reilly a big ol' homophobe.

Bearly Legal

Dodai — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 15:45:00 EDT

A bear was convicted of stealing honey. In a court of law. In Macedonia. A beekeeper filed the charges; the court found the bear guilty and, since it had no owner and belonged to a protected species, ordered the state to pay the $3500 damage it caused to a beekeeper's hives. The bear did not show up in court. [Telegraph]

Erin Burnett Teaches Us To Use Terrible World Events To Our Advantage: An Inspiring Story Of A Blogger And Her Collection Agent

Moe — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 12:30:12 EDT

CNBC's Money Honey 2.0 Erin Burnett is profiled in today's Washington Post. Fittingly, we read the story while waiting on hold with one of the lawyers hired by one of our loan shark creditors and pondering whether it would be worth the $20,000 signing bonus to just go to Iraq right now and post between car bombings and such. Anyway, the story elucidates why, despite being nowhere near as hot, Erin is fast displacing Maria as the world's preeminent hot chick who knows about money.

Asked on "Hardball" about the repeated recalls of Chinese-made toys, Burnett said: "If China were to revalue its currency, or China is to start making, say, toys that don't have lead in them or food that isn't poisonous, their costs of production are going to go up, and that means prices at Wal-Mart here in the United States are going to go up too."

Somehow she got ridiculed for this incendiary linking of (duh) cause with (duh) money-saving effect, but we were inspired: Erin was on TV, right before our eyes talking about the Fed and the European Central Bank and all those huge financial institutions' deep-set paranoia that all those debt-saddled consumers out there were just going to default en masse.... and we realized that, much like shoddy Chinese manufacturing standards, there just might be a silver lining in this market especially for us...

Paralegal: I have to ask, is there any reason you just stopped paying your bills?
Me: Um, well I used to be a journalist. It's a dying industry, you know.
Paralegal: Uh-huh.
Me: But I got out of that racket. Now I have a "real job." So anyway, I've been thinking about this credit crunch, and I'd really like to do my part to help you financial institutions out, but I can't pay it off in full. But, like, if I pay half of this off now, and half next month, what can you do for me?
Paralegal: I was just about to offer you; if you pay it off now, I can knock off $2,000 and you'll be paid in full.
Me: But I can't pay it off all now. I can only pay half.
Paralegal: Uh, okay, well, let me ask.
Me: Thanks!
Paralegal: Okay, done!

Looking Good At CNBC (And Pretty, Too)
[Washington Post]

Procter & Gamble Loves Clean Teeth, Hates Dirty Thoughts

Slut Machine — Tue, 03 Jul 2007 11:18:43 EDT

Procter & Gamble, the company that PETA and Earth Crisis audience members love to hate, has recently issued a 66-page legal letter to British sex toy company Love Honey, demanding that Love Honey stop incorporating Braun and Oral B electric toothbrushes into its products, such as the Brush Bunny Electric Toothbrush Rabbit Vibrator [pictured]. Lawyers for the company state in the letter that P&G doesn't want its trademark linked with such products. Uh, did P&G honestly think that the pleasure potential of their products never crossed anyone's mind? We guess the company wants its association with rabbits limited to more family-friendly pursuits. Like, you know, testing and torture!

P&G Announces Ban on Sex Toys [CNN]