Like so many towns across America, Reading, Pennsylvania recently installed an official Christmas tree and lit it with great ceremony. Unfortunately, citizens say it is ass-ugly and they want another one, pronto.
Exactly one week ago, we declared war on Christmas. And it looks like the fight has already spread to America's ports!
I hope you all have your pumpkin carving skills ready this Halloween, because this pumpkin demands that we all step it up this year.
If you want to score some sick Black Friday deals, plan to push yourself back from the table, wipe the cranberry sauce from your chin and fight off your carb-induced lethargy before you even get a slice of pie, because retailers will be starting the commercial orgy earlier than ever.
We're only twenty-two days away from Halloween, so why haven't you started your holiday shopping yet, you lazy ass? No fear, if you happen to have legally inherited a large sum of cash recently, you might want to check out the Neiman Marcus holiday catalog for some excellent gift ideas. I kid, but I truly love this…
"This is not a Christmas commercial. However, let's say you have an event in late December that you need a lot of gifts for. Like, maybe your entire family is having a birthday on the same day. Now's the time to go to Kmart and put those gifts on layaway," says the actress playing a Kmart employee in the retailer's…
Make Happy Hour plans: Today is National Mojito Day. It's most likely a "holiday" made up by a group of mint farmers, but you don't have to tell me twice to indulge in an adult beverage or seven. Just make sure you tip your bartenders well today. They hate making these things.
Moms are pretty much the best. But just because many of them are amazing and lovely and badass doesn't mean they don't have their moments of frustration with their children. Or that they don't sometimes think they might even hate them.
Yesterday, a Virginia neighborhood was very alarmed to discover that someone had littered residents' yards with Easter eggs stuffed with white supremacist literature. Shocking, but of course the Easter bunny always did get hateful after too many beers.
Attention, Cool Teens who are like already totally over Valentine's Day: The Toronto Public Library has planned an event just for you! The Anti-Valentine's Day Anti-Party, as originally planned, would give prematurely jaded pre-adults the opportunity to vandalize romance novels. Totally punk rock, right?!
This Christmas pageant seems to be going about as well as children's pageants can go when all of a sudden one kid — who mysteriously remains off-camera (in the shadows, as it were, like a super villain) — busts out an inarticulate solo, suddenly making the pageant awesome. Or at least worth the small amount of iPad…
Joan Rivers, the legendary groundbreaking comedian thrice convicted of fashion police brutality, made one New Yorker's Christmas by gifting him with an ornament from her QVC collection and a hand-signed note. New York City is a weird, weird place.
Holiday anecdote: this year, Santa brought me a rape whistle.
You can say whatever you want about the holidays—they're a corporate bastardization of tradition, they're a mess on your emotional/financial well being, they fuck up traffic—but I will continue to love our annual holidays for one solid reason. Holidays mean TIME FOR ANOTHER TEDDY THE PORCUPINE VIDEO! Yes!
The season of the Christmas song has nearly come to a close, meaning we only have one more day to hum along to the holiday classics before it stops being "on trend" and starts being insufferable. I don't know about you, but personally, I would like to spend this last bit of time being as efficient as possible and this…
Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year—unless you’re like me and don’t celebrate it. Then you’re stuck with a world mostly shut down and seemingly nothing to do. Fortunately you have quite a few options, whether you’re along or with friends, to make December 25th a fun day off regardless of your observances.
Hey! It's time everyone's favorite, sacred, most blessed holiday tradition—getting stupid drunk in front of co-workers and relatives you barely tolerate and gleefully telling them off!
On a crack-of-dawn flight from New York City to Seattle recently, I had my first ever, um, altercation with a seat mate. I'd almost missed the plane—I was that person staggering on board just before the doors closed—and I'm sure he thought he was going to have the row all to himself. I flashed him an apologetic smile…
The holidays can be intimidating for an individual who has no shortage of alcohol but is lacking in culinary skill. The key is to keep things simple. Here are four verrrry basic recipes that can still fit the "holiday fare" bill and, more importantly, can be easily put together even while you're slurring.
