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Friday
12/01/09

In reply to The 9 Days Of Ridiculous Holiday Marketing
Here is my mother's solution to avoiding Black Friday madness: buy Christmas presents over the year to appease fickle children, hide them in a multitude of nooks and crannies, forget half of the hiding places you chose, find gifts in March while cleaning out closets, re-hide said gifts, proceed towards the coming holiday season confident that your addled brain has been kind enough to do all your Christmas shopping a year ahead of time.
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Alys Brangwin has a huge talent
12/01/09

In reply to The 9 Days Of Ridiculous Holiday Marketing
I celebrate Buy Nothing Day every year by putting up the Christmas decorations and making the house glitter with lights. Buy Nothing Day is for those who refuse to participate in the consumerist orgy of "Black Friday."
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anteup
11/30/09

In reply to The 9 Days Of Ridiculous Holiday Marketing
Nov-Dec: The Dread
It is where I dread Christmas because I feel awkward when people give me presents. I make present face no matter how much I like something. Stop studying me like a lab rat!
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TurtleSpeak
12/01/09

@anteup: Oh god me too. I hate opening presents in front of people. I always feel like I have to put on this great big show. It's so uncomfortable. I'd like to open my presents in private where a genuine small smile will do when I really like something. I'm not an overly excitable person, I rarely get giddy or feel the need to squeal or whatever over something, so Xmas is super uncomfortable for me...
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deitybox
11/30/09

In reply to The 9 Days Of Ridiculous Holiday Marketing
Please help out a sheltered Jewish girl -- after spending the majority of my adult years living in Israel I need to know the holiday gift-giving etiquette in the American work place. Am I expected to give little trinkets to all of my co-workers? Will cards work? Can I buy a dozen donuts for the office and call it a day?
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Snowbunny
11/30/09

@deitybox: I would say doughnuts would be just fine, but keep your eyes open in case people are actually exchanging gifts.
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Devi
11/30/09

In reply to The 9 Days Of Ridiculous Holiday Marketing
I got an email from Michaels advertising its Cyber Monday deals, "available in-store only!"

Michaels has no idea what 'cyber' means.
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randomnessish
11/30/09

In reply to The 9 Days Of Ridiculous Holiday Marketing
December 26th is just as bad as Black Friday. Seriously, everything is mobbed with people trying to return shit. I recall one harrowing experience when I got lost at Lord & Taylors.
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Dorilys
11/30/09

In reply to The 9 Days Of Ridiculous Holiday Marketing
December 6th is the night that Saint Nick comes!

(Tiny consumption climax)
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Aesop's Foibles. YES.
11/30/09

In reply to The 9 Days Of Ridiculous Holiday Marketing
December 25th, 2008: I open the one gift Mr. Foibles has for me. It is a square box tied with white satin ribbon. The box is that wonderful shade of robins egg which we all know and mostly love. It's....a bracelet.

Oh.

A bracelet.

(OHGOD WHAT DO I DO I DON'T LIKE IT I DON'T EVEN LIKE JEWELRY OH GOD I AM HORRIBLE FOR BEING DISAPPOINTED)

Fast forward, November 26th, 2009: (Internal dialogue) OH GOD IT'S COMING CHRISTMAS IS COMING IT'S GONNA BE HERE SOON AND OH GOD HOW I HOPE IT'S NOT ANOTHER BRACELET OR WORSE LIKE OUR FIRST CHRISTMAS WHEN HE GAVE ME ME A STOCKING WITH A REINDEER HEAD ATTACHED THAT PLAYED CHRISTMAS MUSIC WHEN YOU SQUEEZED IT.

I'm the worst.
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winner
11/30/09

@Aesop's Foibles. YES.: You are not the worst. My mother has a nice little stockpile of Tiffany's jewelry courtesy of my ex-boyfriends.

I knew I'd met the future father of my children when I saw that Iosselliani box last year...
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Remedios Varo can't see no huevos.
11/30/09

@Aesop's Foibles. YES.: Recently I've asked my girlfriend multiple times what she wants for Christmas. Her response was 'Figure it out!' until I told her I really feel incompetent at knowing what kinds of material things she likes, so she finally relented and told me what to buy her.
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angelina jolie-laide is a gaudy tulip
11/30/09

@winner: Iosselliani is my FAVORITE.
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Nun Shall Pass
12/01/09

@Remedios Varo can't see no huevos.: @winner: Last year I told my boyfriend to "figure it out" and I got a six month supply of Oreos (amongst other things, but that was my favorite present.) I think that's when I knew I picked the right one...
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winner
12/01/09

@angelina jolie-laide is a gaudy tulip: You are hearted for your divine taste!
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winner
12/01/09

@Remedios Varo can't see no huevos.: You can do what my boyfriend and I do: buy a few things she wants and surprise her with a few things. As time goes on, you will know her taste and won't even need to ask her.

You're sweet to tell her that you're feeling stressed about not knowing her taste - that was definitely the right move.
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belle TL
11/30/09

In reply to The 9 Days Of Ridiculous Holiday Marketing
In happier news, December 5th is also Repeal Day, aka the anniversary of when Prohibition was ended: [www.repealday.org]
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Zombie Ms. Skittles
11/30/09

In reply to The 9 Days Of Ridiculous Holiday Marketing
I consider Black Friday to be an extension of my birthday. It's the day when all the retailers get together to make sure that I get everything I wanted for my birthday on the 19th but that my family and loved ones neglected to acquire.

Merry Freakin' Birthday to me, Glee Soundtrack and Nintendo DS!
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winner
11/30/09

@Zombie Ms. Skittles: Oooh! You gotta get Scribblenauts! And if you play Farmville, do yourself a favor and get Harvest Moon.
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Zombie Ms. Skittles
11/30/09

@winner: I was waiting for today to binge on games because I get paid tonight. I also want a Mario game but I'm loving the puzzle game I bought cheap on Saturday.

That Glee soundtrack is making traffic KICK ASS.
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bride of funkenstein
11/30/09

@Zombie Ms. Skittles: you are living proof to me that people still buy CDs.
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Zombie Ms. Skittles
11/30/09

@rw2264001: I buy them occasionally. It depends. Mostly, I listen to music in my car and my car has a 6 CD changer whereas I need a special thingywatsit to make my iPod plug into my car. Also, my iPod is running out of memory so I've been forced to be more selective with what I put on there anymore. Now I actually do buy CDs if I'm pretty sure I'll like all or most of the songs by the band. It's more economical for my memory.
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BetteD
11/30/09

In reply to The 9 Days Of Ridiculous Holiday Marketing
December 21: BetteD's birthday! Anyone who's anyone is invited to my house to escape relatives, smoke weed, drink wine/beer/booze/water, watch Fast Times at Ridgemont High for the 11,000th time, eat the candy I'm supposed to be using for family member's stockings, lip-synch to Old Dirty Bastard, fall off my balcony, accidentally set of car alarms, and generally be awesome. All you need bring is a rain parka, a pair of boots, and one Unicorn tooth.
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Aesop's Foibles. YES.
11/30/09

@BetteD: Where do you live? I've been saving this unicorn tooth forever, and until now I had no real use for it. It's pink and sparkly, so you know it's real.
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winner
11/30/09

@BetteD: Can we watch Pooty Tang after Fast Times if I bring two teef?
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LutherNipperkin
11/30/09

@BetteD: Will you accept sparkly reindeer poop?
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BetteD
11/30/09

@LutherNipperkin: Will I!!!
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ZemarSea Urchin
11/30/09

In reply to The 9 Days Of Ridiculous Holiday Marketing
December 26: Boxing Day
Return everything.

Otherwise known as you cannot return anything day (in some shops) because we have big, big sales and no time to process your return so go ahead and yell 'til your blue in the face at me (the retail associate) and curse like a wild person because I will still not return anything for you because I am not allowed as per Head Office Memo 458. Yeah!
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Dictator for Life
11/30/09

@ZemarSea Urchin: I'm considering quitting my Shitty Seasonal Retail Job, and one of my reasons is the store's return policy. Even with a receipt, they will only MAIL you a gift card. And if it's been 30 days since you bought it, you're shit outta luck, even with a receipt. When I worked at Talbot's, they would take anything back, even if you'd bought it six years ago (although if it was from that long ago, the garment had to have gone defective somehow). I hate restrictive return policies with a passion. The store I'm currently working for won't get any more of my business, due in part to my newfound knowledge of their return policy, and the fact that the last dress I bought there was made out of the world's worst quality silk, that just seemed to thin out and become see-through after a couple of wearings. But I totally couldn't return it!
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ZemarSea Urchin
12/01/09

@Dictator for Life: My current store is pretty good. 30 days with receipt you can get an exchange or refund. But if the garment has been worn and there is no clear defect than we don't take it back. Which is perfect in my books. But that policy won't protect me on boxing day. And it amazes me that so many people show up boxing day anyway, the sales aren't just for one day. Inventory is coming up soon and the spring line will be in so the merchandise will be on sale (and cheaper) for another 3 or 4 months.
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morninggloria
11/30/09

In reply to The 9 Days Of Ridiculous Holiday Marketing
I participated in Cybar Monday this year by buying this for my brother.

[www.shopplasticland.com]

My brother is an adult. I am the best sister in the world.
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TheFormerJuneBronson
11/30/09

@morninggloria: I thought at first it said "gun condom dispenser." I am clearly not an adult. I am twelve.
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morninggloria
11/30/09

@TheFormerJuneBronson:

There's no such thing as safe snacks. Wear a condiment.
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TheFormerJuneBronson
11/30/09

In reply to The 9 Days Of Ridiculous Holiday Marketing
They're trying hard, but I have to say that despite having money to spend and people to buy for, I'm just not feeling anything that anyplace has to offer this year. If only they were selling time. Sweet, sweet time. Time to make things for people, which is what I'd really rather be doing, and time to finish my schoolwork well instead of having to rush to get it done, and time to grade my students' papers with the care they deserve. And now that I've been informed that I'm hosting a family celebration the weekend after Christmas, time to paint the whole house, trim included, finish the basement into a rec room like we've wanted to do for the last four years, and remodel the disgusting upstairs bathroom. Plus clean everything, of course.

But nobody sells that. Because retailers are stupid and can't provide what we really need.
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Plum-Pie
11/30/09

@TheFormerJuneBronson: I think if I could give my nearest and dearest anything this year, it would be a bit more energy. Everyone I know seems to be involved in massive projects currently - not always of the professional kind. There is so much teeth-gritting and 'how tough can you be?'-ing, so much work to be done, I would give them all the inner resources to really succeed, if I could.
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TheFormerJuneBronson
11/30/09

@Plum-Pie: I would give out jobs. Sincerely. I don't know of anything that would make people more genuinely or lastingly happy than good jobs. I wish I had it in my power to employ people. Too bad the Grinch's (aka those who could be creating jobs but prefer to work for nonprofits and hand-wring about their enormous inheritances) heart isn't going to be growing three sizes anytime soon.
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Plum-Pie
11/30/09

@TheFormerJuneBronson: Indeed - work is love made visible and all that.
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Dorilys
11/30/09

@TheFormerJuneBronson: Time?! I want time!

In fact, given the deadline creeping ever closer, I want LOTS!
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ZemarSea Urchin
11/30/09

In reply to The 9 Days Of Ridiculous Holiday Marketing
December 24th F*%k its Christmas Eve! Day: This is the day where all the menfolk realize that its their last chance to buy presents for the important people in their lives (those who have bought them presents and will kick their ass). Hapless fathers/husbands/sons/brothers hit the mall enmasse going into stores and purchasing gift certificates from the place they love because they don't know that any other stores exist and hate bright colours. A few of the braver souls will go into a "ladies store" and attempt to purchase lingerie, sweaters, and dresses for their SO without any clue as to the size or preferences of their SO and will pay alot of money for the shop girl to pick out everything for them. I actually love working christas eve. The men are always cheerful and thankful for your help, they're like "The receiver can take it back right? Well alright then, I got a box under the tree."
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TheFormerJuneBronson
11/30/09

@ZemarSea Urchin: Kay Jeweler does a brisk business in their ugly pendant of the year that day. In a range of prices, from lower middle class to upper middle class! Tell her it's okay she's still afraid of storms! You're there! Or if not, this highly-conductive necklace is.
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Aesop's Foibles. YES.
11/30/09

@TheFormerJuneBronson: Oh, that one, and the other commercial for the same crap necklace: The ice skating one, with I Got You Babe, and the lady laughs at her man as he takes a painful spill on the ice, and then he gives her a crap necklace and she gets all weak in the knees. I hate both of those commercials.
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ZemarSea Urchin
11/30/09

@TheFormerJuneBronson: I can believe it. I love watching the mens shop during the holidays. So inspired!
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TheFormerJuneBronson
11/30/09

@Aesop's Foibles. YES.: I actually have one of the Diamond Journey pendants. Mr. JB bought it for me the year they were hot. I'd scoff, but he really is scared of jewelry stores, and his having braved one for me is terribly sweet. Also, he had no idea about the context. So I wear it, with mixed degrees of irony. I'm actually pretty easy about jewelry. I don't like things that are heart-shaped. Beyond that, no problems. Well, aside from having a fat neck, that is.
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