Jezebel: hippies

Free People Wishes You Hippie Holidays

Dodai — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 15:20:00 EST

If you're a trust fund kid who longs to look worldly, poor and thoughtful, you're in luck. The November Free People catalog knows that nothing says "Christmas" like overpriced crochet and a headband.

This is how short hemlines are these days. Crotch-length, perfect for Team No Pants. It's a pretty skirt, even if the proportions in this ensemble are completely wonky.

"It's a dress!"
"Says who?"
"~~Calvin Klein~~ Free People!"

There are eight things I don't understand about this sweater, none of which include the price of $128. The boots remind me of the Barbara Mandrell show. Whether that's good or bad, I can't decide.

"Rich hippie" is so weird. Honestly, if you are six years old, or if you are impoverished, it's okay to dress like this. But if you are not, you should not.

When you have a favorite pair of jeans that fit and feel perfect, and they start to disintegrate, it makes perfect sense to try and patch 'em up and keep 'em going as long as you can. And attempting to recreate that experience — of loved, lived-in denim — is understandable. But these "imported" pre-patched and faded "boyfriend" jeans at $128 remind me of a line in The Sweet Smell Of Success: "That's fish four days old. I'm not buying it!"

Your grandma (or someone else's) will be happy to make this for you. Do you really need FP's $128 version?

Just imagine showing up to the office party in this getup. Like yeah, 'sup bitches, vacay in Prague was great, it's just all my favorite spots are blowing up, so I'm off to Gdansk next, anyone got any weed?

(Oh, and by the by: Those shorts are $78.)

Tinkerbell's Goth cousin looks a little strung out. Believe it or not, this is called a "Shimmers Onesie," and it's $248.

Every now and then, FP tricks me into thinking I like its stuff. Sometimes it's the jewelry (I have a crush on this ring, but the price is obnoxious). Sometimes it's soft, pretty stuff like this…

…But then I turn the page and see fug head to toe. And I know this place is not for me.

I have a theory. Only skinny white people can dress like this. If you are thick or black or brown, you will look like a homeless vagrant. It's just a theory.

Apologies. Your hostess would like to excuse herself, as she has crapped her pants.

Earlier: Lilly's Kids: What's Christmas Without Reinforcing Gender Stereotypes?
Silver Belles & Butt Floss: Christmas At Frederick's Of Hollywood
Preclears On Your List? Shop The Scientology Holiday Catalog
Mackenzie: Hot, Steamy, Scrumptious Food Porn
Translating The J. Peterman Catalog (Again)

Free People: Winning Us Over With Cute, Cuddly Critters
Free People's Tops Can Be Worn Many Ways, Several Of Them Stoopid
At Free People, Spring Has Sprung, And It's Hideous
Free People: More Overpriced Thrift Store Crap Masquerading As Vintage Chic
'Free People', August 2007: Luxuriating Lolitas and $400 Shoes
Free People: Hideous Iron-Curtain Nostalgia Will Set You Back A Few Rubles
Free People: Someone Watched The Darjeeling Limited Before Booking This Photo Shoot

Related: All previous catalog posts

Yes We Can (Get High)

Maria — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 10:45:00 EST

OMG: Obama might decriminalize weed! Or maybe not. But maybe he will, once he is "settled down in a second term" says a pro-legalization Obama fundraiser. Obama 2012! [Esquire, Wonkette]

Gennifer Moss, a woman notorious in Ashland,...

Maria — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 12:40:00 EDT

Gennifer Moss, a woman notorious in Ashland, Oregon for skating and biking around the 'burg in the buff, was asked to tone it down after construction workers complained about her to the police. (Apparently, in Oregon, gallivanting around while nude is protected as free speech, and the construction workers come from a different planet.) [CBS News]

Oldies But Goodies

Maria — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 12:45:00 EDT

In the era of the Vietnam War, boys didn't need too much motivation to not want to go to war; not getting killed seemed like a good enough reason! However, The Draft Resistance decided to give young men even more reason to not want to fulfill their draft duties by dangling a bunch of super hot, leggy hippie chicks in fashionable hats in front of them and saying, basically, "these girls will have sex with you if you avoid the draft." Sex sells, of course, but is using hot girls to sell the idea of avoiding war hippie sexism or just a cheeky way to promote a good cause? (Click the picture to see the full poster) [Vintage Ads]

Vintage poster from Vintage Ads.

Patriotic Nudists

Maria — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 10:30:00 EDT

An Oregon woman plans to ride her bicycle while topless in the Ashland Fourth of July Parade. Jen Moss, known around Ashland as "The Naked Lady," stated her plans to ride in the parade in an online posting, saying she will be wearing "only a hemp G-string and blowing a conch shell." Ouch! If we can remember correctly from our hemp anklet-making experiences in summer camp, hemp is not the softest fabric in the world, is it? Ashland has some lenient nudity laws which state that one must only cover the genitalia in public, but the Ashland Chamber of Commerce is saying they don't want Moss to be showing her nude (and probably well-tanned) body in the "family" parade. Moss says if she isn't allowed to ride, she'll sue. If she's known as "The Naked Lady," her bare breasts are probably nothing new to that town. Let the woman ride! [CBS News]