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posts about #highanxietywomen more →
Scientists Study Social Stress, Romance & Bad Behavior In College-Age Relationships
| posts about #highanxietywomen more → |
Scientists Study Social Stress, Romance & Bad Behavior In College-Age Relationships |
07/06/09
07/06/09
Obviously, everyone has the responsibility to look out for themselves but just because someone is more passive doesn't mean that its okay to treat them badly. If the genders were reversed I doubt so many Jezebels would be saying it is a woman's fault that her boyfriend is a bit of a dick because she doesn't challenge him enough.
Some people do need someone who is always ready to keep them in check, its a personality thing. A relationship with someone who isn't ever ready to call out their bullshit just isn't going to work. I think this is really a blameless situation where two personalities don't mesh well, but if we have to blame someone I think the blame belongs more to the person who needs to be stopped from treating others badly.
07/06/09
Of course, abuse -- emotional or otherwise, is never acceptable and this is in no way mean to insinuate that people who are abused deserve it. But bickering, nagging, picking fights, criticizing... it can definitely wear you down but (outside of particular contexts) I wouldn't call it abuse in a serious way.
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I was never convinced that how the mothers acted on the task was always how they acted in daily life, but I think a lot of them would have been shocked to watch the tape.
07/06/09
For example, I had major insecurity issues when I was in high school, and as a result I would let guys walk all over me. It never got abusive, thankfully, but I put up with a lot of shitty behavior that I shouldn't have.
It wasn't until I was in college and, after hitting a particular low point, got through it and gained some self-respect, that I stopped being so willing to do anything for a guy, and became a bit more picky. However, I wouldn't say that I'm controlling either.
The point is that confident women (not just women, PEOPLE) neither slap their bfs around nor let their boyfriends do that to them. They don't feel the need to keep them on a *short* leash, but there is still a leash there.
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I think its mature of bleedingmouths to say he wasn't the guy for her rather than making his niceness a flaw.
07/06/09
Ouch.
My face honestly turned bright red when I read this part because it rings so true for me.
07/06/09
Maybe that makes me a toolbag. I dunno.
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High-anxiety women with nice boyfriends are bitchy to them, and everyone else.
Could they be happy in their relationships because they have someone who is willing to put up with their asshole ways, and will placate them? Because to me, this DOES sound like an ego issue. I know people who get off on their perceived control of their "nice" SO.
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Funny, you never hear about a male nag.
07/06/09
Men can totally be nags.
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It's not right, but there it is.
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I don't think that many people are mature in their relationships at 18-19 years old. Hell, I am 31 and the ratio is still not what I expected (including me!).
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I do think there is an element of enabling but I feel like I have felt those feelings before, you put up with shit all day long with a smile on your face and get back to the place that is safe and let all the bitch out. Not taking it for granted and treating your partner as nicely as you would your best friend are key I think. Maybe it's just too much to ask parents to do that for their kids.
07/06/09
It caught her off guard the first few times, and now she doesn't really behave that way with me anymore.