Jezebel: hey paula

Paula Abdul Claims Idol Conspiracy Theory, Commits Career Suicide

Tracie — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 13:00:00 EST

Following Paula Abdul's appearance on The View yesterday, she was interviewed on Barbara Walters' satellite radio show, where the cheap, sparkly jewelry and the gloves came off. Abdul went off on a rant about how the whole Paula Goodspeed debacle was "an attempt by Fox Broadcasting, the producers of American Idol, and Simon Cowell to ruin [her] career." She then blamed her, uh, loopy appearance on Idol on Cowell and clever editing. But as Sherri Shepherd pointed out, Paula's own reality show did her no favors in proving an Idol conspiracy theory. Paula's contract is up at the end of this season, so it looks there are no plans for renewal. As Joy Behar points out, are we supposed to feel sorry about this? Clip above.

Earlier: Paula Abdul Trashed Is Everyone Else's Treasure
Paula Abdul Makes Another Bizarre TV Appearance

Elisabeth Hasselbeck Threatens To Flash Barbara Walters

Tracie — Fri, 20 Jul 2007 17:23:15 EDT

I've been saving a lot of money on sunscreen this summer by watching so much daytime TV. So what if Oprah and Tyra have been reruns? They still have me talking to the TV, even though it might be stuff I already said to it earlier this season. This week for The Lady Bunch, Tyra cements her fag haggotry by cozying up with Clay Aiken; Ross the Intern and Paula Abdul both take turns in the guest co-host seat on The View; and Oprah can admit when she's wrong—when it comes to her wig choices. After the jump, more on this week's shows.

Aside from that wig episode, Oprah was sort of a buzzkill all week long, albeit an educational and somewhat fascinating one. This week she had on Leeza Gibbons, who was plugging her new Lifetime show What Should You Do? that "combines dramatic re-enactments of true stories with tips from experts to help viewers protect themselves and others." Basically, it's a show full of freak accidents and horror stories that will make you want to shit yourself and never leave your house for fear of almost dying in a flash flood. One woman featured on WSYD that Oprah welcomed on her couch told the story of when she was pregnant and fell over the railing from her second floor, landing on a microphone stand that punctured her chest and came out the other side! Her description of it was so gross and is making me cringe as I type this. She said that when she tried to pull the stand out of her chest, it made a suction sound! Ugh, gross. I'm stopping. No more with that.

On to happier chests:
I'd bet dollars to donuts that she's wearing Spanx here. I'd also bet that she'd rather take the donuts over the dollars. JK! JK! I don't even think she's fat. But she looooves talking about how other people do. This week we got to relive that "Kiss my fat ass!" speech. My favorite part of that whole speech was when she smacked her ass and then her weave stuck to her lip gloss and she didn't brush it away. She totally would have gotten on a contestant's bony ass about that on ANTM.
And her Gayken episode reran this week.Like the true nerd face that he is, Clay talked about the numerous allergies he suffers from, like mushrooms, shellfish, chocolate, and...nuts. That's the most creative orientation denial he's come up with yet. Now, on from latent homosexual to blatant homosexual: Ross the Intern!I love him, even though his voice confuses me, and it leads me to think about whether or not his balls ever descended. Babs was in a real mood this week. I felt like she was a bit rude to Ross, and she also got all up in Paula Abdul's over-bleached grill.I do really love, though, how she wasn't buying it that Paula wasn't on at least some sort of medication, which she did eventually get out of her. Also, I love how she tried to imply that Paula wasn't necessarily "with it" while in the dressing room that morning. I would've loved to be a fly on that wall. OK, and one last thing: Can you believe that Paula makes so much money as an accessories designer? She's like half four-year-old girl, gluing gems on her headband, and half 80-year-old lady, who wears all the costume jewelry she owns all at once, for fear that the aids in the home will knick it.

Paula Abdul Trashed Is Everyone Else's Treasure

Tracie — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 11:15:34 EDT

Last night was the one-hour premiere of Paula Abdul's reality show, Hey Paula, on Bravo. It's an instant classic: Not since The Anna Nicole Show has someone slurred her way into our hearts in quite the same way. Oh, and for the record, whereas Anna Nicole's jumbled speech was blamed on her "Texas drawl", Paula's is chalked up to "sleep deprivation". Uh, since when does sleep deprivation cause one to loll around like The Facts Of Life's Geri Jewell? During last night's premiere we were horrified to see that Paula's life is filled with an army of little dogs and incompetent employees (assistants who can't pack a suitcase, stylists who can't seem to keep her off the worst-dressed lists, a publicist who can't keep his client in check, etc.) No matter: Poor Paula may be pathetically wasted, but we're happily-addicted.