[Los Angeles, November 29. Image via Pacific Coast News Online.]

• Is Sean Penn the unofficial liaison between Barack Obama and Hugo Chavez? Penn visited Chavez in Caracas on Wednesday and apparently the Venezuelan president told him:

"They gave [Obama] the Nobel Prize — very well, now he should earn it." [Page Six]

• Britney Spears is using Twitter, Twitpic and Twitvid to promote her new single, "3" — there's a micro snippet of the video at the link. [LA Times]
• Ashton Kutcher's best friend is a rabbi named Yehuda Berg from the Kabbalah center. [People]
• Who will host the Oscars in 2010? Hugh Jackman has turned the job down. These are random choices, but I'd love to see Amy Poehler or Wanda Sykes. Or both. [Variety]
• Nanny Stephanie Santoro says that Jon Gosselin was suicidal at the thought of Hailey Glassman breaking up with him: "He said he was going to kill himself… He said he was going to end it all … he couldn't handle it anymore." Breakdown in 3…2… [Radar Online]
• Jon Gosselin plans to publicly apologize "in a sacred space to those whom I have hurt" at the West Side Synagogue in NYC on Sunday. [Page Six]
• Meanwhile, word is that Jon Gosselin/Nadya Suleman show is "definitely on." A source says:"Both Jon and Nadya are each looking at bringing in close to $1 million for doing it." [Gatecrasher]
• Did you see Derek Jeter kiss Michelle Obama the other night? [NY Post]
• Another day, another Michael Jackson money problem. This time it's Leonard Rowe, who says he was MJ's manager of the singer. He's filed a creditors claim for $51,218. [TMZ]
• Wow, John Landis — who directed the "Thriller" video — says Michael Jackson's estate owes him for $400,000; a production company which dealt with the "Thriller" video says it's owed more than $1,000,000; and the producer of the "Thriller" video wants more than a million as well. [TMZ]
• By the by, the Michael Jackson movie will be up for Academy Award consideration. [Mirror]
• Joe Jackson says Michael Jackson is "worth more dead than when he was alive." [NY Post]
• Taylor Squared: Going strong. [Page Six]
• Wait, what? Ne-Yo sings on The Princess And The Frog soundtrack? How very Jazz Age New Orleans. [ONTD]
• Amanda Peet was burglarized by a sassy character. [Page Six]
• Heroes is winding down; low ratings has NBC thinking a "final chapter" is the next way to go. [NY Post]
• Charlize Theron will star in Mad Max: Fury Road. That's right, a new Mad Max flick! No word on whether Mel Gibson is involved, but Brit cutie Tom Hardy is in the flick. [Variety]
• Reese Witherspoon will star in and produce a screenplay called Rule #1 — about a New York woman who befriends a Puerto Rican girl with attention deficit disorder. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• What the world needs now: Men In Black 3. [Reuters]
• David Spade got $200,000 for that Tommy Boy DirecTV commercial with the late Chris Farley. [Page Six]
• Sad face: Dennis Hopper has prostate cancer. He's canceling all travel plans to focus on treatment and is in a "special program" at USC. Be well! [AP]
• Jackie Collins listens to Mariah Carey, John Mayer… and Jay-Z. [Independent]
• "Whenever I'm in the recording studio or rehearsing and I'm not convinced about the way it sounds, I know because my body doesn't react to the music. So I always ask, Hey, am I moving? Are my hips moving? My hips don't lie." — One of 10 answers to 10 questions for Shakira. [Time]
• "I know it gets sensationalized when I say, 'I was very close to death', but I was. It was a scary time. It's scarier since people like Michael Jackson and Heath Ledger have been popping their clogs. pretty much thought 'Is this worth it?' It was obviously not making me happy. The definition of insanity is repeating the same things and expecting a different result. At the time I thought, with the kicking and the rehab, maybe there's other things in life?" — Robbie Williams. [News.com.au]
• "I haven't gone back since because I'm afraid… I'd never get sober for one thing, and to have to run around in a dress. . . it's cold up there!" — Mel Gibson on why he hasn't returned to Scotland since Braveheart. [Daily Mail]
• "When I did my first album, I was marketed as the singer who would appeal to your grandma. But as each record arrived with more power and confidence, I began to sound younger and younger. Some singers start out as young punks and then make a classics album later in their career. With me, it has been the other way round. I feel as if I've finally started acting my own age. I'm the Benjamin Button of pop. It offends me when people think I only listen to Frank Sinatra. I was born in 1975 and I never wanted to be part of the Rat Pack. As a kid, my biggest idol was Michael Jackson. As a teenager, I wanted to be one of the Beastie Boys." — MIchael Bublé. [Daily Mail]
• "I always felt like the male from the time I was a child. There wasn't much feminine about me. I believe that gender is something between your ears, not between your legs. That is something I discovered in the early '90s. It was just a long process of being comfortable enough to do something about it." — Chaz Bono loves being a man. [People]
• "I was tempted to do it. But I couldn't take it. One smoke of pot and I fall asleep. I don't get much out of it. But that's beside the point. My kids were saying, 'Daddy, you have to try!' That's when I shut down. These were mushrooms ... I said, 'Listen, I didn't go through a sex change operation to direct all these women's movies so don't get me started.'" — Ang Lee wouldn't take acid to direct an LSD scene. [Independent]
• "I just drank an iced tea here with lunch. If next year they say iced tea is worse than steroids, I'll probably quit drinking that too. But at the time it was legal, just like drinking an iced tea is legal. The baseball players, the football players, the hockey players - everybody I knew in every professional sport was using it to up their game, or to heal injuries, or to stay at their peak. And everybody thought it was safe." — Hulk Hogan talks about steroid use in his new book. [Time]
• "I hate them!" — Paris Hilton on the Teen Thieves, who stole clothes and jewelry from her home. [Page Six]
• "I have lots of original ideas that maybe will get made. But everyone... Even if you bring them the most obscure movie that nobody's ever heard of — they want to remake that." — Rob Zombie, who reworked Halloween and Halloween 2 and may remake The Blob, calls Hollywood a "scared town." [CNN]
• "America's the only country where people have said that the New Zealand accent sounds posh or sexy or exotic. Anywhere else, it doesn't. That's why I've been spending a lot of time here." — Flight Of The Conchords' Jemaine Clement. [NY Post]
• "As the mother of my kids, I won't slam Dina personally. But she has expressed to me that Lindsay is in dire, dire need of an intervention. And Lindsay needs to see that her mother is either lying to me or lying to her. Dina says positive things about Samantha when she's talking to Lindsay, but then when Dina talks to me, she blames Lindsay's downfall on the Ronsons. If Dina and her cohorts want to continue lying, I could [keep exposing her] for a year - on so many different subjects. My lawyers told me to keep every single conversation - and I did." — Michael Lohan is taking voicemail tapes to Entertainment Tonight. [Perez]
• "If I go back to my black neighborhood, they'll rob the [bleep] out of me." — Tracy Morgan, promoting his memoir, I Am the New Black, at Barnes & Noble. [Page Six]
• "I always felt that I wanted to help women, period. As a child I [saw] women really, really suffer terrible, terrible situations, and I vowed as a child to want to do something — anything — that can help them have better self-esteem so that they don't have to be subjected to men that wanted to kill them. In my music, that's what I've been doing in my career, and now through FFAWN I'm doing that. I guess what got me through when I was young was something I guess a lot of people don't have and that was just the will. ... I don't know what was driving me. I guess it was something in me did want to die — you know, I guess my spirit didn't want to die, but my physical body definitely was at some point was like I gotta get out of here. ... My physical body was contemplating suicide and all this other crazy stuff, and my spirit is what saved me, I believe." — Mary J. Blige, at the official ribbon-cutting for the Mary J. Blige Center for Women, which was made possible through Blige's Foundation for the Advancement of Women Now (FFAWN), design house Gucci and Westchester Jewish Community Services. [CNN]

• Jay Leno went after David Letterman last night, dropping a few Letterman jokes in his opening monologue. "If you came here tonight for sex with a talk show host," he told his audience, "you've got the wrong studio." [USWeekly]

• Leno then ended the monologue with "I'm happy to say that I've never had a sexual relationship with any of my staff members." [USWeekly]
• Jimmy Fallon also took a swing at Letterman: ""There's a new book out called Why Women Have Sex that says there are 237 reasons why women have sex. And, folks, Letterman knows the top 10." [USWeekly]
• CBS producer Robert Halderman, the man accused of trying to blackmail David Letterman for 2 million dollars, was reportedly deep in debt and "desperate," according to Assistant District Attorney Judy Salwen: "The evidence is compelling. It shows the defendant is desperate, and he is capable of doing anything." [AP]
• Meanwhile, Halderman's attorney says "This story is far more complicated than that two-minute statement by the assistant district attorney." [ET]
• Halderman has been released on bail, but must stay away from Letterman, due to a temporary order of protection issued by Judge Michael Melkonian. [TMZ]
• A source who used to work for Letterman says the reports of his affairs aren't surprising at all: ""It wasn't a big deal because he wasn't married. And we heard he had a girlfriend, but she never came around, so it just wasn't a big deal. He wasn't considered a sex symbol or anything. In fact, off the air, he came across a lot older than he was." [People]
• Another source claims that Letterman's behavior is typical of workplaces with intense schedules: "In politics it's the same thing. People who live it, eat it, breathe it ... [It's] not some sort of predatory, 'Let's hire beautiful women so we can feast on them' kind of thing. That's just not the way it works." [People]
• Elsewhere in lawsuit land, Nicolas Cage is being sued for 2 million dollars after missing a payment on a loan. [TMZ]
• Christina Milian and her husband, The Dream are expecting their first child. [People]
• "Yeah, I think I can appreciate that fashion exists for really skinny fucking people, you know, and I need clothing. I mean, I had a moment and it was great. I have lots of free things in the closet and, like, I don't have to wear them or sell them, and someday maybe I'll go through another crisis and fit into them again. Who knows? But at this point, I think it's time for me to, you know, embrace being 30 and not really care so much. I'm not going to lie. Of course I care. I'm a woman, you know. But I think you can still, like, be attractive, and I think maybe things get a little better."- Natasha Lyonne [NYMag]
• Kate Gosselin will appear on the Today show on Monday to discuss Jon Gosselin's latest round of shady moves. [People]
• Sarah Ferguson says she still gets along very well with her ex-husband, Prince Andrew: "Prince Andrew and I stand very firmly by the idea that, yes, people do sometimes have to move on through life and get a divorce, but not all divorces have to be acrimonious - you can actually do it for the greater good, for yourself and for your own personal growth." [DailyMail]
• Kate Beckinsale, named Esquire's "Sexiest Woman Alive," doesn't have very fond memories of her former modeling days: "I was on the cover of Elegant Bride magazine when I think I actually cried. I was looking sort of misty, bridey eyed. It was mortifying. There I was, in my riot-grrrl feminist stage, with a puppy." [Esquire]
• "I try not to be a jerk. I really do. I try to be nice and cordial. I've seen the real extreme diva behaviour and I don't think that's who I am. I think I have mannerisms and that whole thing, and I'm running around in these shoes. But even before I had any type of fame, I was like this." -Mariah Carey [Guardian]
• Katy Perry and Russell Brand are reportedly in a "secret romance," which is so very secret that the Daily Mail has all the details. [DailyMail]
• "Katy knows his bad boy reputation but could not resist - especially when Russell sent a love poem with a note attached saying, Please send me a poem back.," says a source, "Russell killed himself laughing when Katy sent a photo of her boobs with the word 'poem' scrawled across them. The next minute Russell picked up the phone and invited her to Thailand for a secret getaway." [TheSun]
• Hayden Panettiere pushed producers to include a lesbian storyline for her Heroes character, Claire: "I kinda threw it out there... They (writers) put you in relationships and I was like, 'Can I just be with a girl or something...? Let's do that." [DailyExpress]
• Tennis star Chris Evert and golf star Greg Norman have split after 18 months of marriage. [DailyExpress]
• According to Joey Ramone's brother, Mickey Leigh, Ramone struggled with schizophrenia throughout his life. Leigh and Legs McNeil plan to discuss Ramone's illness in the upcoming book ""I Slept With Joey Ramone: A Family Memoir." [PageSix]
• Courtney Love is still having financial troubles: "I'm f****d now dude. I have 120 bucks, my kid hasn't had a decent meal and I'm getting evicted." [TheSun]
• Kim Kardashian, the cover girl for November's Cosmo, says that she's learned from her experience with the now-infamous Ray J sex tape: ""I was devastated, but when something negative happens, I pick myself up and move on…and I don't make the same mistake twice." [JustJared]
• Lady Gaga plans to start a solo tour, now that her "Fame Kills" tour with Kanye West has been canceled. [ShowbizSpy]
• Kristen Stewart says that filming The Runaways saved her from losing her mind on the set of the Twilight films: "I think I would have been a psychopath by the end of a four-year stint on the Twilight saga without anything like that to change it up." [ShowbizSpy]
• The Spice Girls are planning to get back together, with or without Victoria Beckham: "This time next year at least four of the five girls will be back on stage doing the Spice material again." says a source. Zig-a-zig-ah! [TheSun]

• Barneys' Simon Doonan: "Criticizing Ed Hardy for being cheesy is like saying that Elvis was 'flashy' or that Liberace was 'tacky.' It's a giant case of DUH! Of course it's cheesy! That's the whole point, you doo-doo heads." [NY Observer]

• "Ed Hardy is fromage-y and hedonistic and naughty and badass and-the ultimate crime in the world of haute fashion — Ed Hardy is FUN!" Doonan, in his entertaining op-ed dissection of the concept of "good taste," paused to riff on Christian Audigier's design efforts. "The unrestrained, bedazzled, heavy-metal-goes-Bollywood aesthetic rivals the gaudy heyday of Gianni Versace. Instead of knocking it, the style arbiters of the world should be grateful. Monsieur Audigier has done a real mitzvah to the insecure fashion cognoscenti: He has given them something about which to feel superior. If Ed Hardy did not exist, they would have to invent it in order to get their snooty fix." Also, "popped his sabots" is the best euphemism for dying, ever. [NYObs]
• Cynthia Rowley is starting a kids' line. [Stylelist]
• Comme des Garçons' Osaka store is inaugurating a floor that will serve as an art gallery with a show by Yayoi Kusama. [WWD]
• Kate Moss's fourth women's fragrance, Vintage, launches this September, and the ads are coming out now. [NowSmellThis]
• Apparently, when a woman cuts her hair after a breakup, that's called a "breakover." Who knew? [Glamour]
• All those who remember fondly the extraordinary 26-page Daphne Guinness spread from Vogue Italia's September, 2008, issue, rejoice: the couture-loving heiress and photographer Steven Klein have teamed up again, and have another 20+ page editorial coming in Vogue Italia's September issue. Guinness says this one will be "moodier" and is inspired by a cult French film from the 60s, though she won't name which one. [Style.com]
• "Everybody thought they had to spend money. They thought it was a new way of life. Now they're rubbing the dust out of their eyes. ‘I don't need that handbag. What was I doing?' " said a brave, but anonymous, Condé Nast editor to Cathy Horyn. [NYTimes]
• Christina Binkley of the Wall Street Journal reports on a well-known industry secret: that the same firms who supply raw materials, and in some cases manufacture, for high-end brands also sell the same items to more down-market brands. Binkley compares a $1,750 cardigan sweater made in Italy by the Quarano, Piedmont, wool company Loro Piano, and a $145 J. Crew cardigan "spun from supersoft, luxurious Italian cashmere from a world-famous mill in the foothills of Piedmont." Lesson: some less-expensive brands still take immense care in their sourcing. [WSJ]
• Which may just be why CFDA executive director Steven Kolb became a J. Crew fan on Facebook. [FWD]
• A gaggle of minor celebrities — some dude who was in a Britney Spears video, the guy from North Dakota who plays Emmett Cullen in Twilight, etc — availed themselves of a pre-season event at French Connection in Los Angeles. Instead of merely being given bags of free clothes to wear when waiting for the paparazzi, the store embarrassed them by making them all play French Connection-themed Twister, whatever that is. [WWD]
• Dania Ramirez, a.k.a. Maya on Heroes, is a newly minted Covergirl. [People]
• Footwear brand Penny Loves Kenny has filed for bankruptcy protection. The company founder, Kenny Robinson, explained the filing as a tactical move in a 6-year legal battle with two China-based agents, and said he expects the brand to emerge intact in 3-6 months. [WWD]
• Philip Lim stepped into his SoHo boutique last weekend and helped some customers find the right sizes and pick out flattering items — all without telling them who he was. Then some fashion-savvy shoppers blew his cover. If more designers did thoughtful things like that, they'd certainly sell more clothes. [Fashionista]
• Burberry's second store in Canada, and its first in Toronto, opens this Friday. [WWD]
• Benetton's profits fell 63% in the first half of this year. [WWD]
• Barneys New York is putting a brave face on its 13 months — and counting — without a C.E.O., its double-digit sales declines, and its recent credit rating downgrade, to Caa3, for "very high investment risk." The company recently received $25 million from parent company Istithmar World Capital to shore up liquidity, and this week it hired an asset management company to help it restructure its $500 million debt. [WWD]

• As mentioned yesterday, after Perez Hilton insulted Fergie, Perez and Will.I.Am had a confrontation in which Perez said:

"I don't need to respect you, and you're a fag. You're gay, and stop being such a faggot." GLAAD is not happy! A spokesperson for the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation says: "These are vulgar antigay slurs that feed a climate of hatred and intolerance toward our community. For someone in our own community to use it to attack another person by saying that it is 'The worst possible thing that thug would ever want to hear,' is incredibly dangerous. It legitimizes use of a slur that is often linked to violence against our community. And it sends a message that it is OK to attempt to dehumanize people by exploiting antigay attitudes." [E!]

• Fergie's husband Josh Duhamel on the Perez kerfluffle: "When you get rich saying hateful things sometimes you ask for it… It's an unfortunate incident and I hope it goes away." [ET Online]
• Tila Tequila has gone off on Perez Hilton. From her Twitter: "you are such a whiney bitch! quit crying ur not a star." And! "I will not be like other celebs who are afraid of him and kiss his ass! i am not afraid of Perez Hilton. He knows he can't fuck with me." Plus: "I find it ironic that Perez talks shit about people all day long. He calls people faggot yet bashes Miss California. Perez Hilton is a bitch." [ONTD]
• Oh snap: Kirstie Alley also went off, making fun of Perez by Tweeting: "Will.I.Am? You am my new hero… smack!!! Wah wah wah… ouch ouch my eye… ouch ouch ouch call 911 boo hoo ouch." [ONTD]
• John Mayer joined the Perez hate on Twitter. [Pop Dirt]
• And Kelly Clarkson says no one will pity Perez and she would give her left arm to look as pretty as Fergie does. [ONTD]
• Polo Molina, the manager of the Black Eyed Peas, is the one who hit Perez and has turned himself in. Perez says to Will.I.Am : "I'd have more respect for you if you hit me yourself - you're a coward. Violence is never the answer. Fuck you, will.i.am, for lying. Shame on you. I did not deserve what happened to me. I have lost all respect for all of you and the Black Eyed Peas. And Fergie, you're fugly." Stay classy. [Gatecrasher]
• "Jail 'Break' For Rihanna Ex: Beater Brown Gets Off Easy With Assault Plea." [NY Post]
• RIP Ed McMahon: 1923-2009. [Post Chronicle]
• Jon and Kate Gosselin announced that they are separating on last night's show. (And court documents show they have filed for divorce.) This columnist speculates that Jon will become a C-list celeb and Kate will be watched closely — people will be expecting her to cross the line or make a misstep with the kids. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "It still remains to be seen how TLC will handle the episodes of Jon & Kate shot before the divorce papers were filed - and now instantly dated. The channel has made a huge 40-episode order for the show's fifth season." [Variety]
• Cameron Diaz got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame yesterday, and Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes and Lucy Liu were there to celebrate with her. [People]
• Scenes from a lunch with Betty White and Cloris Leachman! It's hilarious. Cloris says of the tunic she makes for her clothing line, Clorisline: "It looks so pretty. Just tie it, put on some jewelry, go out to dinner and get drunk." Betty has quips too — just read it. [USA Today]
• Amy Winehouse wishes to become a permanent resident of St, Lucia! The weed must be really, really good. [Gatecrasher]
• Readers of Heat magazine in the UK have voted Robert Pattinson as the sexiest man on the planet. Blinded by the sparkles! [Mirror]
• BREAKING: Miley Cyrus makes money. [TMZ]
• David Beckham won "substantial" libel damages over a newspaper's claim that he "made a play" for a model. The story was printed on the front page of The Daily Star in April, and Beckham's lawyer called the allegation "serious and defamatory" and "untrue." The newspaper has retracted. [Mirror]
• OMG: A movie with Cher and Christina Aguilera? So much hair! So little wardrobe! So much attitude! [Variety]
• Even though there were reports that Anna Faris and Chris Pratt had wed in Hawaii, Anna's rep says: "it's not true." [Daily Express]
• A dude who played a gangster in Slumdog Millionaire has been accused of threatening the owner of a production company — demanding roles in films! [Times Of India]
• Lauryn Hill canceled all of her European tour dates; Wyclef Jean will stand in for her at the Montreux Jazz Festival. [Reuters]
• One of the co-executive producers of Heroes has abruptly left the show. [NY Mag]
• One of Candy Spelling's former employees claims Candy fired her for complaining about being overworked and underpaid. [TMZ]
• Katie "Jordan" Price has gotten a crude X tattooed over the tattoo of her estranged husband's name on her wrist. It looks bad. (But the pix of her gallivanting on a powerboat near Ibiza look awesome.) [Daily Mail]
• Katie "Jordan" Price has ever-so-eloquently Tweeted: "pete being a true cunt to me ! he left me nt me leave him." [The Sun, Twitter]
• The Spice Girls made a ton of cash last year, from touring. [Mirror]
• Blind item! "Which hot young bachelor has (quite disappointingly) revealed himself to be a totally awful kisser?" [Gatecrasher]
• "I was broke at the time and this was my chance to make a few bucks, so I jumped at the opportunity to record for my first time in a professional studio. The work I did back then in no way reflects the music I am currently in the studio working on. I'm thrilled to be working with some of today's hottest songwriters and producers and can't wait for people to hear what my music really sounds like." — Adam Lambert is not a fan of his song, "Want," recorded before American Idol. [NY Daily News]
• "I think crime here is shocking and knife crime is shocking and everyone must do what they can to be safe." — Kevin Spacey finds London a wee dangerous. [Telegraph]
• "I recently gave a self-esteem workshop for Girl Scouts in Nashville, and I told the girls that I wasn't a role model for my weight, because I change. Sometimes I'm thicker when I'm around my family and I'm eating more. Sometimes I'm thinner because I'm on the road and that takes a lot out of me. But I do feel it's important to talk to girls about weight. They see these images, and there's no way they'll ever live up to them. I want them to see someone who is real and know they don't have to live up to anything." — Kelly Clarkson. [Reader's Digest]
• "I have a very serious regime of starvation and stress. I have gotten meaner as I have gotten thinner. I'm like the lost Olsen triplet." — Kathy Griffin. [WWD]
• "Everybody is unique. They're both very beautiful and they're both kind of sexy gals. Maybe Megan will start doing the things that Angie is so well known for. [Angie] is obviously known for her helping with kids and concern for others. I think that would be wonderful for all of the kids [if Megan were to do the same]. Megan can do a lot of good, so that would be great." — Jon Voight, on the similarities between his daughter Angelina Jolie and Megan Fox. And yes, he said his daughter was sexy. [Life &Style]

[Los Angeles, June 16. Image via Flynet]

• Beyoncé on her fake "screeching" recording:

"I haven't heard it but it sounds completely ridiculous." Her dad/manager Matthew Knowles adds: "At 12 years into her career, the last thing someone should be questioning is her vocal ability. That would be like questioning if Kobe Bryant could shoot a jump shot. The vocals were obviously altered." Okay okay we get it. [MTV]

• Lindsay Lohan is in Australia's Cleo magazine. She's asked: "As you're constantly in the public eye, how hard is it for you to forge successful, long lasting relationships?" She answers: "I don't think it's so hard. What I've learnt most is to keep my private life private." O RLY? Also, when asked about her "perfect evening," she says: "Staying in and watching a movie!" [ONTD]
• Lindsay talked to Ellen about her split with Sam: "When you don't know you're breaking up… Really weird." LL says the break came out of nowhere. "I had no idea what was going on. I just hadn't seen her in, like, a week. She, like, disappeared." Also, is this underminey? "I think it's been really good for me. I thought it would be so much harder and it hasn't been. My sister's been here with me." [People]
• "Lindsay Lohan is shockingly skinny again." [NY Daily News]
• Kate Moss maybe cheated on Jamie Hince with Eve Berlin from The Living Things. In Berlin. The rocker's brother says he walked in on Kate and Eve (born Yves) with his clothes off. [The Sun]
• Josh Hartnett's 911 call is on TMZ for some reason, and you can hear Josh say the words "food poisoning" and "diarrhea." [TMZ]
• What the goop: Gwyneth Paltrow gave Mario Batali free membership to that superduper exclusive gym she and Tracy Anderson opened. An insider says: "Mario is the only fat friend she has, and she wants him to change." [Page Six]
• This was in Midweek Madness yesterday but here it is again: Nadya Suleman's stripper name was Angelina. [MSNBC]
• Oh Christ: Miss California will appear at the Gospel Music Awards. [Yahoo News via AP]
• Dolly Parton had lunch in Manhattan and a blogger witness it. Dolly had an "expertly made-up ageless face, Barbie doll suit (paired with sheer black leggings), that famous platinum mane, and shoes that no other human being could possibly walk in." [mediabistro.com]
• Cyndi Lauper wants Susan Boyle to be in a film starring Cyndi and Tippi Hedren. "I think she's a kick. I really like her," sez Lauper. The movie is about "baby boomers who put their lives on hold to chase their dreams." [Reuters]
• By the way, when Susan Boyle said she'd never been kissed, that was a joke, people/ She says: "Never been kissed? I've never stopped." [Music Toob]
• Audrina is going to Spencer and Heidi's wedding this weekend. "They're two peas in a pod … I can't see either of them with anyone else." Is that a compliment? [People]
• Uh-oh! Jennie Garth found out that her husband Peter Facinelli cooked a pasta dinner for the cast of the Twilight sequel New Moon and she is not happy: "I am pissed off, because he doesn't make me pasta dinners. I don't know when was the last time the man cooked for me!" [E!]
• Rihanna and Katy Perry are boating & beaching together in Barbados. It looks so fun. I want to go to there! [NY Post]
• Speaking of New Moon, you guys can have that lame ass sparkly vampire, I'll take the shirtless hot hotties of the wolf pack. Have you seen this new picture? Soooo down with brown. And only one of them is technically underage! What's that? Their abs are Photoshopped? Lalalala I can't hear you. [People]
• NBC is considering running fewer episodes of Heroes next year, which will supposedly interrupt the storyline less. And you know, cut costs. [AdAge]
• Someone stole thousands of dollars of jewelry from Hayden Panettiere's L.A. home last week. [TMZ]
• Kanye West was "polite and gracious" when he showed up — by himself — at the Tribeca Film Festival's kickoff dinner. DON'T GET ALL NORMAL ON US, YEEZY!!!!!!1!!! [Gatecrasher]
• When filming ends on the last Harry Potter movie, Emma Watson says: "I will be . . . uncontrollable. It's been half of our lives. It's made us, it's formed us. It's such a big part of my life, so it will be really sad –and so much of the crew who have been there since the beginning are like my family." [Telegraph]
• Gillian Anderson may appear on Doctor Who. [Daily Express]
• Bruce Springsteen's wife wasn't at his concert on Tuesday night OMGAFFAIROMG. [Star]
• Alan Cumming supports New York Governor David Paterson's gay-marriage bill. "He's not doing it for political reasons. Like, when did gay marriage become something that could make you popular, for fuck's sake? That's just, like, being a little nippy, people being bitches." As for Rudy Giuliani? Cumming says: "I think he's an asshole. Please quote me on that." [NY Mag]
• Um, Elizabeth Banks will star and produce a comedy called Forever 21. Is it about disposable bar-crawling clothes? [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Since Matthew McConaughey is in a flick called Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past, he is forced to answer questions about past girlfriends. [E!]
• This just in: "Natalie Portman and Chief Executive Officer Christine Aylward launched MakingOf.com, a behind-the-scenes Web portal that provides an intimate, fresh look into the process of creating entertainment by the insiders themselves." [PR Newswire]
• Hot hottie Channing Tatum, of the critically acclaimed film Step Up, says of his new flick, Fighting: "I'm not a tough guy. I'm probably not even a good fighter." It's called ACTING, people, jeez. [USA Today]
• Anna Nicole Smith cannot rest in peace because there's always some kind of dramz in her family; this time it's her half-sister suing the publisher of her book Train Wreck: The Life and Death of Anna Nicole Smith, because she claims she hasn't been paid. [TMZ]
• Want to see a foxy picture of Christian Bale, from Empire magazine? Click click click! [ONTD]
• Prison Break's Lane Garrison has reached a financial settlement with the parents of the 17-year-old he killed in a drunk driving accident back in 2006. [TMZ]
• Mary-Louise Parker is not leaving Weeds. Had you heard that she was? [E!]
• Cameron Diaz is in talks to star in a "legal comedy" called Bobbie Sue, about a "hard-charging female ambulance chaser whose mindset makes her the ideal candidate to be the face of a prestigious law firm when a powerful client is sued in a sexual discrimination case." [Variety]
• Paul Giamatti will star in an indie drama called Barney's Version, in which he plays a man who has "led a reckless life highlighted by three marriages, two children and being a 'person of interest' in the mysterious disappearance of his bosom buddy. [Variety]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Jewel is trying for a baby. [Gatecrasher]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Jennifer Hudson is indeed pregnant. [NY Daily News, Page Six]
• Divorce lawyers are telling Oksana Pochepa (the chick who claims she's having a fling with Mel Gibson) to shut her trap. [The Sun]
• John Travolta is in Argentina shopping for land, what are you doing? [Yahoo News via AFP]
• Oh wait: This report says John Travolta is alone in Tahiti. [People]
• After five years and 241 shows at Caesars Palace, Elton John played his last show last night. Will he come back? [AP]
• Why is there a picture of Mariah Carey's husband and Spongebob Squarepants at the top of the Empire State Building? Is this real life? Is it going to be like this forever? [Gatecrasher]
• Here is old footage of Tony Danza being a whiny baby because he has to be on a local news program. [Videogum]
• Fred Durst is engaged and is the happiest man alive, should you care. [People]
• When Lou Reed is on tour, he would like to eat organic lamb, guava melon, or "LOCAL ORGANIC White Fish." [The Smoking Gun]
• Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, with Regis Philbin, will be revived this summer on ABC. [AP]
• Rob Lowe will be in TV movie on Lifetime, set your DVR. [UPI]
• Blind item: "Which hunky A-lister checks himself into swanky hotels under the alias 'King Kong'?" [Gatecrasher]
• "I was so incensed, so passionate about having a Democrat in the White House, I was insane. I was just crazed. I trust this administration. I trust Barack Obama and his intelligence and have faith that he'll do the right thing. So I've been able to relax the last few months." — Barbra Streisand. [Yahoo News via Reuters]
• "This issue is important to me. I didn't know too much about it before becoming a parent but whooping cough is on the rise. There have been a significant increase in reported cases over the past decade. Parents don't realize that they can get pertussis and transmit the disease to their babies." — Jennifer Lopez, the spokesperson for Sounds Of Pertussis. [UPI]
• "I had kind of a binge eating disorder where instead of dealing with my emotions, I would stuff them down with food. I actually went into a treatment center for it. It was definitely that excess eating to kind of just stuff all the emotions down ... I really was a creative kid who didn't know she was creative and didn't have those outlets because I was always afraid to join the theater group and not perform. The moment I started doing music, the moment I did what I loved to do in my life and committed to it, I don't have those problems anymore ... I have my outlet. I have that form of expression. I can go to the studio and talk about my feelings." — American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi. [People]
• "The most dynamic and sophisticated comedy to hit television in the last 10 years, if you like, and here it is, they're calling me. It's a great, great feeling. And as quickly as it came, I was on the set. It really felt like an out-of-body experience. 'I watch this show; what am I doing here? What is Steve Carell doing, improvising and trying to make me laugh?' They all do that. John [Krasinski] especially. He said to me the other day, 'My character hates your character so much, it makes me want to hate you in real life. Is that OK?' They're great guys, I love working on that show." — Idris Elba on his stint on The Office. [LA Times]
• "I wouldn't want to change myself too much because that would really make things a bit false. I want to receive people as the real me, a real person." — Susan Boyle. [NY Daily News]
• "You just leave them with enough food and water to survive. No, first of all, you have an amazing wife, and she gets it and handles all the craziness. And you just try to make the time you got really cool. When you're there, you're totally present, and you just bounce back and forth. At least I'm not in the military with people shooting at me. I have friends who are in Iraq. At least when we're gone, I'm in a hotel room. Maybe, I may lose my life to this really bad room service. That's the threat."— Taylor Hanson on how he handles going on tour and leaving four kids at home. [People]
• "It's none of my business, but you know what I say about that? I understand the situation. I understand passion with young kids. My personal opinion about that is, he's just a baby. He's just a little baby that don't know how to handle his emotions when it comes to a woman. And he probably hears this and thinks, 'I know how to handle my emotions'; we all think we do. But the fact [is], you look at this person and you might be crazy in love, but we don't know how to handle those feelings." — Mike Tyson on Chris Brown. [MTV]
• "I just put his foot in my mouth. There was no sucking. It was a spontaneous moment, too — it wasn't in the script. I just went for it. I still don't even know how Zac felt about me cramming his foot into my mouth. It's not like we're e-mail buddies." — Saturday Night Live's Jason Sudeikis, on his skit with Zac Efron. [Gatecrasher]

Grossen lists some Hall-of-Famers: Darcy, Rochester, Zhivago, Rhett, and, inexplicably, Rebecca's Maxim de Winter. More idiosyncratically, she calls out the heroes of The French Lieutenant's Woman and Bel Canto.

To this, we'd add The Chosen's Reuven Malter (what? I was a nerd); Laurie before he grows up; Captain Wentworth; Fuck Head; Florentino Ariza; the Invisible Man; the Elephant Man; Huck Finn (is that pedophilia?); Natty Bumppo; Newland Archer (hey, Day-Lewis has good taste!); Dickon, and, last but not least, Ishmael.

But we're just getting started!
Fictional Men Worth Loving [Wall Street Journal]

Square-jawed heirs to fortunes and self-made moguls are a staple of the romance novels, but recent shenanigans have tarnished the tycoon's image. Says one Mills & Boon editor, "The hero has to own the company, build it up themselves through strength and integrity. They are not answerable to anybody. The key to their success is they made it themselves. You never see characters who've got something for nothing." Although writers will probably take a hiatus from captains of industry, she adds that after a time, there may be an opportunity for redemption stories: "They can lose everything but they have to get everything back."

Romantic heroes have always been subject to trends; apparently ER's popularity launched a generation of dashing doctors. The latest leading men? Rugby players. In fact, Mills & Boon has partnered with the Rugby Football Union for a series of officially-sanctioned rugby romances. As The FT points out, "this is a sport untainted so far by the sex scandals that have plagued the football scene." To say nothing of Wall Street!

Romatic Heroes [Financial Times]

This writer may be a public personality, but this sample is block printed, the variety of handwriting that tries to keep people from gathering much revealing information from it. (Cursive reveals much more.) Block printing is the choice of ransom note writers for that reason. This writer is very reluctant to allow others to know her until she knows them rather well first.

Furthermore, there are no loops on y's, an indication of a person who may seem to enjoy the company of others, but is very happy, thank you, to be all alone.

The swollen "d" forms signal a person who is acutely conscious of self, and can be wounded by destructive criticism.

Add to this an occasional slant to the left, a sign of one who represses emotions. Mostly the writing is vertical, which indicate a lack of impulsiveness. This writer thinks first, and then takes an action. The straight down-stroke of the y's indicates the determination to make an action succeed.

The bars that cross the "t" stem are placed at the top of the stem, the indication of a person who ambitiously stretches to reach a treetop tall goal. The bars are also heavy, which signals that the writer has the drive (gumption) actually to reach the treetops.

There are umbrella-shaped t bars that indicate extra portions of self-control. The block printing makes it difficult to figure out what the writer has developed controls over. The usual reason to develop such hyper-control is to stifle a recurrent fear, such as stage-fright.

The tops of the "m" forms come very close to needle-points, the sign of a very speedy thinker. Add to this a well developed "gut" intuition that skips over the usual steps of logic to get to trusted conclusions. Intuition accelerates the thinking process and allows the writer to get a handle on other people without much delay. Although some of the answers in this sample may seem dumb, the writer isn't. Some rounded "m" tops indicate that the writer can also be methodical (when absolutely necessary) and there are "V" formation in the m's and n's that signal an analytical mind that will take the time to figure out what's actually what.

Fairly strong final endings to words indicate an ability to make decisions and short t stems signal an independent thinker who makes up her own mind from information she selects.

Clean o's (the middles are without marks or blotches) are a sign of good integrity. The writer lives in the "real" world and abides by most of its rules in a way that is not secretive or devious.

There is what graphologists call a "conscious gesture" —- in this case the z's in "quizzed" are crossed. The writer has either grown up in a European-based country or has adopted the crossed-z as a kind of educated stylistic embellishment.

Earlier: Dea Cosmo Girl Hayden "Heroes" Panettiere: "Better To Be The Turtle Than The Hare"
•Cosmo Girl Rihanna: "Solitary & Self-Involved"
•Decoding Cosmo Cover Girl Katie Heigl: "She Refuses To Waste Time With Convoluted Crap"
•Cosmo Girl Hilary Duff: Intuitive, Practical And Younger Than She Looks
•Cosmo Girl Beyonce Knowles: Detail-Oriented, Thoughtful, Possibly Power-Hungry
•'Cosmo' Cover Girl Ali Larter: Self-Involved, Stubborn, Easily Distracted

Left, March 2007 cover line: "Heroes Star Ali Larter: Low-Key, So Glamorous" Right, May 2008 cover line: "Ali Larter: Secrets To Her Gorgeous California-Girl Look"

March cover clothing (left): Zac Posen dress, Bebe cardigan. May cover clothing (right): Banana republic silk shell and belt; Stella McCartney vest; Mason by Michelle Mason pants. March cover makeup: All by Chanel. May cover makeup: All by Revlon.

Her Way, March 2007 (left): "My easiest, never-fail outfit is a plain white tank, old Levi's, and a pair of chic thing sandals." Plus: "Ali MacGraw is inspiring because she consistently manages to look elegant, without being overdone." Her Way, May 2008 (right): "I literally go through at least two pairs of thong sandals a season, so I look for affordable ones that I don't have to worry about tearing up." Store shout-out: "I always have the best luck at Decades vintage in L.A. It's so much fun to wear clothes that have a story behind them."

Her Way, continued, March 2007 (left): "Sometimes I'm just craving a sweet floral print — and Dolce & Gabbana has such gorgeous ones." Store shout-out: "Malgosia is one of my favorite stores in L.A. It sells intricately detailed pieces that don't seem mass-produced." Her Way, continued, May 2008: "I've been channeling Ali MacGraw's fresh, all-American look from the '70s, with pink nails against bronzed skin." Plus: "To me, Jerry Hall's look in the '80s is the pure definition of sexy, with her long, wavy hair and really bold lips." (Hmm, like the March cover!)

Summary: Ali Larter likes thong sandals, floral dresses and Ali MacGraw. And she told us so, last March.

Earlier: Lucky Magazine's Idea Of "Sexy" Simply Isn't
Lucky Magazine's Sexy, Glamorous "Caption Dementia"
Lucky Magazine's Pretty, Sexy, Seriously One-Track Mind
Lucky Magazine's Ultra-Elegant And Sophisticated One-Track-Mind
'Lucky' Magazine's Subtle, Feminine, Chic, Annoyingly One-Track Mind

• Fergie and actor Josh Duhamel are engaged. We hope Fergie didn't wet her pants when he proposed! [People]
  
• Good news for society, bad news for Paris Hilton: Paris' grandfather, Baron Hilton, has decided to give 97% of his $2.3 billion fortune to charity when he dies. [Reuters]
  
• Lindsay Lohan spent Christmas Eve with Adrian Grenier at his Brooklyn apartment, but they're definitely not a couple. [Page Six]
  
• Also, Lindsay's dad called paparazzi photographers to tip them off to his reunion meeting with Lindsay at the Mercer Hotel. Aw, sweet! [Gatecrasher]
  
• Also: Lindsay's ex, Riley Giles, is selling his personal photos of her to the tabs. Again: How sweet! [MSNBC]
  
• Pete Doherty gave Amy Winehouse's husband Blake Fielder-Civil some tips on how to make the best of his prison time. Fielder has also asked Doherty to look out for Winehouse. Oh lord: Not a one of them stands a chance! [The Sun]

• Will Smith: Scientologist? [Page Six]
• Move over, Fergie: I Love New York star Tiffany "New York" Pollard is also engaged: Her future intended is show winner George "Tailor Made" Weisberger... [People]
• ...who is apparently already cheating on her. [Gatecrasher]
• Courtney Love is moving to New York. She bought a townhouse in the West Village. She says on her MySpace blog, "itllcost ...alot...to returjn it to a house biut fbc doesnt need to have all that space til she moves here at 18." [Gothamist]
• But whatever will Courtney fill all that space with after having been robbed yesterday? [Perez Hilton]
• Ah, nevermind: The stolen goods have been returned. [Perez Hilton]
• Britney had to return the kids back to K-Fed after spending Christmas with them. The exchange of progeny took place at a Starbucks, naturally. [Daily Mail]
• Johnny Depp: Too emotionally scarred to ever marry again. [MSNBC]
• Top Chef host / former model/former Mrs. Salman Rushdie Padma Lakshmi dnies that she and "financier" Teddy Forstmann are dating. [Page Six]
• Drew Barrymore and her boyfriend Justin "Mac Guy" Long: Definitely together, united against parking tickets. [Page Six]
• Leonardo DiCaprio and Bar Rafaeli are definitely back together. [Gatecrasher]
• Also a couple: Gossip Girl co-stars Blake "Serena van der Woodsen" Lively and Penn "Dan Humphrey" Badgley. [MSNBC]
• Jennifer Aniston reportedly celebrated Christmas with real-life best Friend Courteney Cox Arquette. [Daily Mail]
• Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown has won the custody battle for her daughter against her ex-husband, Jimmy Gulzar. Which is good, 'cause it's so much more effective when the Spice Girls sing "Mama" in their reunion tour when their very own kids are front and center. [TMZ]