On their new site, jkweddingdance.com, the couple states: "Due to the circumstances surrounding the song in our wedding video, we have chosen the Sheila Wellstone Institute. Sheila Wellstone was an advocate, organizer, and national champion in the effort to end domestic violence in our communities." The site prominently displays links where readers can donate.

A statement from the Sheila Wellstone Institute points out that Jill's current pHD work "focuses on breaking cycles of violence in society" and that Kevin is on his way to law school "due to his passion for social justice."

Jill and Kevin, who, it should be noted, don't get the money from those Chris Brown downloads - Chris Brown does - are going out of their way to use their fame to help others. Your turn, Chris, YouTube, and Sony.

YouTube Wedding Video Now Tool To Combat Domestic Violence [Star-Tribune]
I Now Pronounce You Monetized: A YouTube Video Case Study [GoogleBlog]

Earlier: Moving, Awesome Wedding Dance Video Goes Wide On Web, Morning TV

There are far fewer dating guides specifically aimed at men, less still if you exclude the unisex offerings. And yet, some common themes begin to emerge while reading. While the Mystery Method has been rightfully derided for it's high creep factor, many of these guides follow the same premise: hunt women for sport; women can easily be manipulated to your ends;, and you need to sift through a lot of women to find the one who is worthy of you. I do admire this take though - unlike guides aimed at women, which seem to think we should be thankful for any man who crosses our path, most of the male-directed books stress finding the best person for you. How to go about finding that person, however, is a completely different ball game...

1. The System, by Doc Love

Okay, okay, I need to confess - I did not shell out $99 bucks to read this book. I will discuss it, however, as I've been reading Doc Love's columns over at Askmen.com for the last five years. That is more than 250 weekly doses of Doc Love's special blend of "mentoring" which all boils down to basics:

The Women You Want Are Flexible Givers

A flexible giver is a girl who is so interested in you she goes along with everything you need and rarely asks for anything in return. Occasionally, Doc Love will chastise a guy for being selfish, but rarely - the goal is to get her to initiate and ask for everything.

To Get Them, You Must Be a Challenge

A challenge is a guy who comes off as aloof and funny, who remains distant, and who stays in control of the situation at all times.

Your main job, as a guy, is to raise her interest level. This is not as easy as you think.

You're not here to make this girl happy, buddy. You're here to raise her Interest Level. While you're trying to make Holly happy, her Interest Level is swirling around the toilet bowl. Like the old Chinese proverb goes, "So why are you on this road, grasshopper?" It's obviously the wrong one. Are you sure you have my book?

Making someone happy. Ha! You fool. You also raise and maintain interest level by doing things like waiting a week to call the girl you like,staying off the phone, and not initiating physical contact.

Don't Fall For Womanese

Womanese is apparently the craziness we say when we mean something else. According to the Doc, if a woman is giving you any kind of static (too many arguments, resistance to your distance) she's speaking womanese to mask the fact that her interest level is falling. Get it?

Here's an example:

Anytime a girl utters the words "I need space" or "I don't know what I want" or any other such Womanese, that means you're out. You're finished. This is what Ranita's telling you, Avenir. They all use the same lines. I don't care if the girl lives in Bangladesh or Bangor, Maine — it's the same.

We silly little puppets just need to learn to play nice.

2. The Guide to Picking up Girls, Gabe Fishbarg

Gabe is obsessed with your rap. You know, how you kick rap to the ladies. Chapter One, Section One is titled "A Rap is What You Say When Talking to a Girl." I feel like I could have learned this watching Blossom, from Joey. Or maybe from the Fresh Prince era Will Smith. Fishbarg continues:

Improving your rap and honing your rap skills should be a long-term project.

I agree. I was going to put a copy of this book in the mail to Soulja Boy, 50 Cent, and a few others before I realized he's still talking about picking up women.

"The Guide" often refers to itself in the third person. Example:

"The Guide understands, like you do, that there are many different types of girls you will meet in life. There are pretty girls and there are ugly girls. There are girls who are bitches and there are girls who are not. There are sluts and whores and nice girls too."

The Guide is very clear about what it is not.

"You may read The Guide and then hit it off with someone on your first night out. Put this book away and date that girl. [...]This is purely a manual on how to pick up a girl and get her phone number."

The Guide also speaks to you in a series of commands:

Being nervous is not an option. The Guide will help you lose any nervousness you may have. If you are nervous, see the section on alcohol on page 76 of The Guide."

"Traumatized in high school? You and everybody else. Forget all the high school, college, or post college rejections and the girls who ignored you. It doesn't matter. Girls can be mean and full of anger. Forget them. The time for anger is over. It's time to party and have fun."

"As a general rule, you should never dance. Dancing is a big waste of time. Avoid it at all costs. Most straight men can't dance without looking foolish while doing it."

There are also a whole set of wingman related commands.

"At some point in the rap, you must buy your girl a drink. The wing man must buy his girl a drink too. You should pay the wingman back for his girl's drink if he has "taken a grenade" (i.e. his girl is unavailable or unattractive.) If his girl is cute, no need to reimburse him for his wingman expenses. [...] A good wingman must be willing to take the grenade. In the military, a soldier will fall on a live grenade to save the rest of his buddies. While his friend talks to the pretty girl, a good wingman must be ready, willing and able to take the grenade and talk to the married girl, the angry girl, the fat girl, the ugly girl, etc."

All that? No wonder they get their own song.

But I did get completely skeeved out with this line.

"You are on a mission. Your mission is to impose your will on a girl."

Record scratch! Seriously? All I could think was:

Fishbarg clarifies:

"You are going to convince the girl that you are the guy she should want. She will believe that you are what she is looking for. She can't do better than you."

But I was done. Abandon book!

3.
How to Succeed With Women, Ron Louis and David Copeland

I really wanted to like this book. Initially skeptical, I was won over by the initial thoughtful advice and the plain, common sense manner. Until we got way off the tracks in the middle, I was about to push this book for some kind of dating award. But let's start with the good.

They attack "nice guys"

"If you believe that you are a nice person, who only has nice thoughts and desires, you'll be less able to be responsible for your behavior. You'll do things that most definitely are not nice, but you won't even notice you did them. After all, you'll tell yourself, no way could you be mean: You're a "nice man." You will ruthlessly refuse to admit you were ever unkind. Women tell us repeatedly that it's the "nice men" they have to watch out for. They tell us that "nice" guys are more likely to express their anger indirectly, and to hurt them emotionally, all the while acting innocent and claiming to be victims themselves."

They explain what they mean by "be yourself"

"Being yourself" doesn't mean that you are utterly impulsive and driven by whatever behavior is most convenient for you in the moment. In different situations, you naturally bring out different parts of yourself."

They tell men to stop whining

"If you are a man who whines about how dating isn't fair, and how you have to do all the pursuing of women, you must stop that right now." […] "Our advice is to get over it. If you don't have the sex life you want, it's your responsibility to get it."

They explicitly tell men what they need to understand

"Fear of being abused, hurt, or raped by men is the biggest concern women have in dating. Dawn and most other women smartly scope out men to make sure they won't be physically hurt by the ones they date. They want to be sure they can trust the men they are attracted to before getting physically vulnerable with them." [...]

"Put yourself in a woman's shoes. If you were aware of stories of rape, spousal abuse, torture, and the murder of women everyday in newspapers and on TV, you'd be paranoid, too. Women need to be a bit paranoid because so many men are psycho. It simply isn't worth the risk for a woman to go home with a man who could hurt her."

Word! Dear men on the street: stop acting with shock and surprise that I do not want to get into you car with you after you blew your horn and yelled something about my ass. I do not want to end up dead. Kthxbai.

In addition to the sensible attitude toward dating, they also treat their readers with respect. While books aimed at us tend to call us fat harpies, they took great pains to explain to men the horror that is shopping.

"Almost all women spend time thinking about how they look to men, and spend a lot of time trying to improve their attractiveness. Heck, they even put paint on their faces to make themselves look better! We're not suggesting you go that far, but since women spend time thinking about how they look to the other sex, perhaps spending a little time on it yourself is not so unreasonable." [...]

"Some clothing stores are better than the average man than are others. If you are a bit overweight, some of the more hip and upscale stores may not fit you well. Very often one store will have a whole line of pants that don't fit you well. It's just the way clothes are cut. Another store, on the other hand, might have a wide variety of pants that fit you. It's a good idea to keep shopping around until you find a store where the clothes fit, they look good, and the salespeople help you expand your style."

Copeland and Louis introduce a "Thirteen Point Body Makeover for Being Attractive to Women" which boils down to: do your hair; trim ear, nose, and eyebrow hair; get nice glasses or contacts; don't snort/spit; trim your beard; use chapstick; go to the dentist; use lotion/moisturizer; reduce smelliness with deodorant/Beano/mints; don't overload your pockets; have a nice belt; clean matching socks; stand up straight.

Must be nice, right?

They also bring back an old school favorite: Goofus and Gallant. You remember them?

Chapter four details where to find women, using guys named Bob and Bruce as foils.

Bob (aka Goofus) is a little fucked up. In the fake scenario, he wakes up thinking:

Oh no, another day. Can't I go back to bed and pretend I'm dead? This is going to be worse than yesterday. God I wish I were sick today. Maybe I should call into work and pretend I have the flu. I haven't met any women in over two years.

Bruce (aka Gallant) wakes up to "Foxy Lady"calls the radio station and tries to flirt with the DJ. At 6 AM. Bob hates his life, Bruce is always on an adventure. Bob masturbates home alone, Bruce is macking on anything that moves at the gym. After Bob passes out while masturbating, Bruce gets it in with his piece on the side.

While offering up good tips like the best places to meet women (coffee shops, malls, bookstores, bars [flagged for short term sex], happy hour, the internet) and secret places to meet women (yoga [where to meet new age women]; dance class; church; outdoor music; personal growth seminars; volunteering; friends and fam), this was the part of the book where I started to pump the brakes.

Let's revisit that concept of "a piece on the side." In the book, this term is defined as

a woman you know you can have, but who isn't attractive enough for you to try to start relationship with.

The idea is that you fuck the piece on the side so that you won't be nervous around the girl you really like.

Yo, that's cold.

I can understand the idea of diversifying, of dating a few different people to combat investing everything in one person too soon. But to use someone who you know likes you for purely sexual purposes? Bad dating karma.

And the rest of the book also gives that same vibe - while they claim to be different, and have even learned some of the concerns of women, much of it is a prettied up rehash of Doc Love and Mystery. By the time I got to Chapter Eleven - "When Babes Attack: Handling the Problems Women Cause" - I was done. While there was a lot to be learned from this book, their front that "women are people too" started to show a little too much wear at the edges.

Next Time: Race and Dating in Black, White, and Whatever

Earlier: Dating Guides Are Hell: When Women Are The "Problem"

Ms. Wolfe's life has been vastly interesting. Her first marriage in 1957 was for love (he was 31; she was 16). In 1996, she got married for the publicity. Being the "most married" woman — a Guinness world record — was profitable for a while. Wolfe married a one-eyed inmate. Two of her husbands were gay, two were homeless. Some cheated on her. One "choked her and turned her lip inside out." Another secured the fridge with padlock and chain.

But now Ms. Wolfe has been single for a dozen years — her longest stint since childhood. Konrad Marshall writes:

Since her last groom, she hasn't dated and she doesn't kiss. Wolfe has the record, but she would rather have something else, more common and more lasting.

"But I would get married again," she said, "because, you know, it gets lonely."

What makes someone vow "til death do us part" over and over again? Obviously Ms. Wolfe knew many of her unions would not last; but what of people like Elizabeth Taylor (eight times), Zsa Zsa Gabor (nine times) or even Jennifer Lopez (three times)?

You have to wonder if some of these women (not J. Lo, of course) were a product of an era in which it was better to be married than just sleep around. Or is the wedding — the vows, the leap of faith involved in saying "I do" — part of the appeal? And did they mean it every time they said "I do"?

Married, For The Record [Indy.com]

• A British woman is pregnant with Siamese twins who share only one body. If the babies survive, they will be Britain's first ever dicephalus twins. • New research indicates that mouthwash containing alcohol may increase the risk of oral cancer. • Speakers will meet this week to discuss the fate of the cosmetic surgery industry. • Amanda "Foxy Knoxy" Knox will stand trial this Friday for her role in the death of former roommate Meredith Kretcher. • A Ukrainian bride in Britain has placed advertisements for "decent" guests to attend her wedding. • OMG!! 4real!?! A 13-year-old girl sent 14,528 texts in one month. That's one text every two waking minutes. • Maternity wards across England have been forced to widen their doors to accommodate obese mothers. • A woman gives birth two days after being declared brain dead in a hospital in Oxford, England. • Over the weekend Paul and Caragh Brooks tied the knot at their local Taco Bell. • A baby western lowland gorilla (a rare and endangered species) was born at the National Zoo Saturday. • A Scottish hospital has banned flowers, because of their potential to carry dangerous bugs. • Here's an unexpected gender bias: recent layoffs have affected men at a greater rate than women. • A New York waiter has been charged with a hate crime after he played an Arab chant at a Jewish wedding reception. • War crime prosecutors have charged ex-Congo VP Jean-Pierre Bemba with encouraging the use of mass rape as a weapon against civilians. • A married couple was refused permission to adopt on the grounds that the husband is "too fat" to be a father. •

Image via MSNBC

When I was on the left coast visiting my fiancé's family last week, I had to field a lot of wedding questions; by the end of his parents' holiday party, I'd come up with the vague catch-all, "we're talking about the Spring." The one question I could field with total authority was the gown one, which I described in rapturous detail — save the little detail, of course, of having gotten it when I was engaged the first time, nearly four years ago.

Allow me to explain. I'd been with my boyfriend for six years when we got engaged, and the idea came as no shock to anyone. Now, that wedding was planned — no thanks to me — and my grandparents offered to buy my dress as their wedding present. When things unraveled, it was no hardship to return the ring, and I could deal with the pain of informing everyone and calling things off, but I saw absolutely no reason to taint my gown by association. About six months after we called it off, I discovered my mother had taken the dress out of my closet and hidden it in a guest room, thinking to spare me pain. But the dress had brought me nothing but pleasure, and I knew then that if I ever did marry, I'd still wear it. If I didn't, I'd just wear it around all the time, Miss Havisham-style.

Because it was so, so lovely. It was the dress I'd had in mind long before I'd met my first boyfriend; he'd never seen it; and, most of all, it had been made for me. It was, and remains, the only custom garment I've ever owned, and there seemed an unspeakable luxury to stepping into a dress I'd envisioned and having it fit perfectly. I'd long peered into the windows of the dressmaker's small shop in lower Manhattan, and it was with great excitement that I'd first breached the doorway and explained what I wanted: Swiss Dot; sweetheart neck; full, ballerina-length skirt. I was quickly persuaded to adopt a pale pink underskirt and a dainty tulle halter that sounds slightly ugly but is, I assure you, truly lovely. Without the crinoline, the dress would simply be a pretty, retro party-frock; with, it reminded me of the wedding gown from Funny Face.

Not that the process was all pleasant. The dressmaker was an intimidating and exacting figure. On my first visit, she asked me if there were any parts of my figure I didn't especially care to showcase. I considered the matter, and allowed as how I felt me shoulders were slightly broad in proportion to my frame (as the basic design of the dress was already chosen to mask and hilight more pressing concerns.)

"Everyone has some crap!" she snapped, which seemed to me very unjust given that I'd been effectively set up. In future visits, she seemed irritated by the throng of friends and relatives I brought to marvel at its progress, at my requests for swatches of material, and the consistently inappropriate underpinnings I'd wear to fittings. But by the end, we were both enchanted with the end result, with the dainty little kitten heels I'd found to wear with it, and with the tiny hairpiece I had had a milliner make to decorate my retro hairdo.

I could never blame the dress. After I found it, it brought me pleasure just to slip my hand into the garment bag and feel the fine, thin cotton. I toyed with dyeing it, of course, but it was too perfect. I didn't wear it, though, at least not until I met my fiancé — Matthew, that is. On one of our first dates, he asked me how far the wedding had progressed and whistled when I alluded to venues, dates, gifts and a dress. "Can I see it?" he asked eagerly. As this was one of several bizarre comments he'd made, and I was covertly checking my watch under the table, I was fairly sure I'd never be confronted with whatever sort of fetish this surely indicated, and let it pass. A few months later however, once we were embarked on what I insisted on referring to as a "fling," and we found ourselves at my parents' house, he brought it up again. Since by this time I'd learned he had an equally bizarre but somewhat less sinister interest in women's tailoring, I agreed, and he became the first and only man to ever see the Dress.

Which is, I suppose, bad luck now. But having seen it, he agrees that any substitution is simply out of the question. Its provenance is not something I am particularly eager to reveal to Matt's family, because I know it sounds flippant and a little tacky. The dress reminds me of a lot of painful things, naturally; but at the end of the day it's the frock I wanted to be married in, and I'd much rather be accused of vulgarity than have some tragic monument to disappointment sitting in my closet. More to the point, it's a beautiful, custom-made dress that must be worn! And the fact that it will be carrying me to City Hall instead of a fancy wedding by the seashore just goes to show: tacky or not, it is always in style.

"You can't take the car out of the parking lot until you pay for it." Which is something like why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free or any of the other phrases that reduce women to commodities. Or maybe she's talking about her man?

Obviously, one can admire Laluz and Fabien's commitment, restraint and good intentions. And without a doubt, that first kiss — after waiting so long — was probably amazing. (Laluz called it "magical.") But. Since when is kissing something only a husband and wife can enjoy? What "courtship" is complete with out a makeout session? Doesn't forbidding kissing instantly fetishize it? And what really happens when you endow a kiss, or any other physical affection, with mystical properties, and require your partner "buy" it from you? Don't you feel cheap?

Practicing Abstinence, Bride And Groom Have Never Kissed [Chicago Tribune]
Couple Delays First Kiss Until Wedding [UPI]

The saddest tale of all is from a woman identified as Grits4Ever, who talked to Ruberg on the phone but would not give her real name because she feared being outed. Her husband watches porn, sometimes for 10-12 hours a day, and her first post in the forum was entitled "Husband Says We Would Have More Sex If I Did it More Like a Whore.” While the existence of Grist4Ever sounds pretty bleak, she says she is heartened by getting her thoughts out to a like-minded community. “I used to feel ashamed,” she admits, “like I was the only one out there with a problem, like it was my fault.” But now she feels better…though apparently not good enough to dump someone who says they would have more sex with her if she "did it like a whore."

The piece, however, makes a good point: most sexless marriages aren't as cut and dry as Grist4Ever's, where one person is clearly being a jerk. 15-20% of married people have sex fewer than 10 times a year, and as Grits4Ever notes, "So many of the people on here, they don’t want to end their marriages. They love their spouses. But they don’t know how to deal with the issue.”

Obviously having an outlet to vent frustration helps, so does therapy, for some people. But how do you stay in a longterm relationship when desires are clearly incompatible?

Stuck In A Sexless Marriage? You're Not Alone. [Village Voice]

She notes the duplicity of the McCains and the Edwardses, who like to paint their marriages as perfect partnerships, while the reality is long periods of separation and callousness or infidelity. The obvious solution, as Henneberger explains, is for Americans to "stop forcing [politicians] to present these phony tableaux," but I think that's not going to be possible for a good long while.

I mean, many people don't want to vote for Obama because they believe he's not a Christian — would these same, narrow-minded folks be willing to vote for a candidate whose personal life did not even attempt to exemplify "Christian" values? This presidential election has a lot of breakthroughs, the first black candidate, the second female candidate, but all four of the candidates are Christian, married, and have children. Sure, McCain has been divorced, but he quickly reconstructed a nuclear family. Like Alec Baldwin's character said in The Departed, "Marriage is an important part of getting ahead: lets people know you're not a homo; married guy seems more stable; people see the ring, they think at least somebody can stand the son of a bitch."

Henneberger thinks that by trying to debunk their "perfect" veneer, the Obamas are handling the scrutiny in the best way possible. Barack has debunked it "by writing very honestly about times in their marriage when they were barely speaking, and [Michelle] by telling us over and over that putting people on pedestals is always dangerous, for all concerned."

With our 24-hour news cycle, I can only imagine that the scrutiny political couples face will get worse, not better, and that's compounded by the fact that a political marriage is far more stressful to begin with than the average union. The sheer enormity of a high political office leaves precious little time to pick up your kids from soccer practice, as Henneberger points out. I can't imagine signing up for this sort of life, either as the candidate or the spouse.

… Or For Worse [Slate]

Related: Political Sex Scandals: Obama, McCain & Palin [Huffington Post]

Then there is Post scribe Rachel Beckman, who writes about the desperation she felt when awaiting a proposal from her longtime boyfriend. We received more than one dismissively worded tip about this article. One reader wrote, "Feminism means bullying your boyfriend into proposing on your timetable? Hm. Who knew?" Even though some of the longer descriptions of Beckman's prissiness and obsession with the "perfect" proposal were annoying, I didn't find the article anti-feminist at all. What's wrong with knowing that you're ready to get married and being assertive about telling your boyfriend that? It's not like Beckman's fiance was some poor captive with no will of his own.

Finally, there's a live chat with Erin Torneo, Valerie Cabrera Krause who wrote The Bridal Wave: Surviving the 'Everyone-I-Know-Is-Getting-Married-Years. Torneo writes in the introduction, "I wrote this book because I was tired of seeing my engaged friends become "lobridemized" by the wedding industry, tired of the contradictory cultural messages (women, be anything you want, but if you aren't altar-bound by 27, egads! spinsterhood for you), tired of seeing people get married just because they thought they were supposed to without giving any thought to what marriage is (but an awful lot to the wedding)." Kudos to Torneo for a) coming up with the term "lobridemized" and b) emphasizing how difficult it can be when society is giving women such an incredibly ambivalent message about their lives. If you take anything away from the WaPo's Bridal Week, it should be an awareness of the societal pressures most women are facing when it comes to marriage and the desire to go easy on people who embrace the wedding industry, even with all its faults.

Wedding Week [WaPo]
The Anti-Wedding [WaPo]
One-Ring Circus [WaPo]
Wedding Week: The Bridal Wave [WaPo]
The Bridal Wave [Official Website]

I know that for some it's a big ideological struggle — they feel that they are condoning a certain aspect of the patriarchy of which they do not approve. But for others, like Myddleton, it's a question of style, and also sweetness: Kris said that his wife is an only child, so the only way they could carry on the Myddleton family name is if he took his wife's name. Personally I would never take my husband's name professionally, but in my personal life I'd just as soon jettison "Grose." I mean, it's not as bad as Hymen but it's not a great last name, nor is it one I'd particularly like to see my children taunted with as I was. For the married Jezebels out there, what naming convention did you go with and why?

No One Understood Why I Took My Wife's Surname' [The Independent]

Writes Miriam Pérez on the ACLU's Blog Of Rights:

Marriage isn’t my golden ticket. Marriage isn’t my golden ticket unless I’m lucky enough (or even want) a long-term monogamous partnership. It isn’t my golden ticket unless I have a job or a partner with healthcare benefits. It isn’t my golden ticket unless I have an inheritance to worry about, or a pension to be concerned with… A movement so focused on marriage is not a movement that represents my activism and interests… my vision of social justice focuses on putting the needs of the most marginalized members of our community at the center of our organizing. The current marriage-focused movement fails to do this.

As a Feministing commenter notes, the commercial "is directly targeted at the 8 to 10 percent of undecided California voters. It is not for people who have already decided to vote No on prop 8, who are likely the same people who will question traditional wedding customs and what is a proper marriage. This ad basically makes the marriage proposition one about fairness and equality." But when it comes to fairness and equality, is marriage the biggest issue we have in this country? And does the commercial really send the right message? Another commenter writes: "I would rather see an ad that queered marriage than one that shows a rich, white couple getting married and suggests that everyone else should 'be able to be like them' as if it's the goal that everyone should aspire to."

Mega-Huge White Weddings For All! [Feministing]
Miriam Pérez: Marriage Isn’t My Golden Ticket [ACLU]

Of course, Ms. Fein had to stay true to the guidelines she prescribed for millions of women, so she didn't dare approach Mr. Houpt. She says: "I would never have initiated it, never in my life. Forget it. He’s got to like me as much as I like myself." As much as your ex-husband did? Okay, that's mean. But is Ms. Fein to be commended for sticking to her "let the dude chase you" guns? When she's got one failed marriage under her belt already?

The problem with playing little games like "don't call him, let him call you," is that while they may attract the type of guy who loves the chase — don't you have to spend your life running away? What is wrong with going with your gut and acting on instinct? Sometimes you'll fuck up, but you'll learn a lesson, and you won't have a random best-seller to blame or thank — you'll learn to rely on yourself.

The Times oh-so-helpfully points out that Ms. Fein once said, "It is easier to stay married than to get married." Haha! Looks like both are quite a challenge. Hopefully Mr. Houpt, a 52-year-old entrepreneur, is Ms. Fein's Mr. Right. Maybe she didn't trick him into liking her. After all, even though Ms. Fein wrote The Rules, she also says: "You just need to have faith that your time will come. Everything is meant to be.”

Vows: Ellen Fein and Lance Houpt [New York Times]