Jezebel: Hells Bells

Husband Takes Wife's Last Name, Is Subject To Ridicule From Buddies

Jessica — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 18:00:00 EDT

Screenwriter Kris Dyer married his girlfriend Jo Myddleton last October. Since he thought his last name was "rubbish," he decided to change his surname to Myddleton, and surprisingly the most irritating part of the process was not the bureaucratic leaps and bounds Kris had to go through to change his name, it was the prejudiced reaction of the Myddletons' friends. ""I always considered my friends to be pretty metropolitan, but they too seemed to have problems coming to terms with it," Kris Myddleton told the Independent. "They thought I was joking; eventually I had to show them my new bank cards to get them to believe me. They kept asking 'Why?' People seemed vaguely disapproving, as if we were breaking a sacred rule." But couples like the Myddletons are becoming increasingly common in the UK, as only 50% of women now take their husbands' names.

I know that for some it's a big ideological struggle — they feel that they are condoning a certain aspect of the patriarchy of which they do not approve. But for others, like Myddleton, it's a question of style, and also sweetness: Kris said that his wife is an only child, so the only way they could carry on the Myddleton family name is if he took his wife's name. Personally I would never take my husband's name professionally, but in my personal life I'd just as soon jettison "Grose." I mean, it's not as bad as Hymen but it's not a great last name, nor is it one I'd particularly like to see my children taunted with as I was. For the married Jezebels out there, what naming convention did you go with and why?

No One Understood Why I Took My Wife's Surname' [The Independent]

The Author Of The Rules Tricks Another Dude Into Marrying Her

Dodai — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 16:30:00 EDT

We know, we know: Ellen Fein, 50, she of nauseating self-help book The Rules, got married. Again. There's a big story in Sunday's New York Times. This is the woman who wrote all about snagging a guy — "Trust in the natural order of things," her book advises. "Namely, that man pursues woman." — and then had her husband leave her after 16 years of marriage. Was her divorce court claim of "abandonment" also the "natural order of things"? Anyway, after her divorce, this woman went to a singles weekend at sleep-away camp for adults in Connecticut. All together now: Ew. But wait! That's where she met Lance Houpt, her future husband.

Of course, Ms. Fein had to stay true to the guidelines she prescribed for millions of women, so she didn't dare approach Mr. Houpt. She says: "I would never have initiated it, never in my life. Forget it. He’s got to like me as much as I like myself." As much as your ex-husband did? Okay, that's mean. But is Ms. Fein to be commended for sticking to her "let the dude chase you" guns? When she's got one failed marriage under her belt already?

The problem with playing little games like "don't call him, let him call you," is that while they may attract the type of guy who loves the chase — don't you have to spend your life running away? What is wrong with going with your gut and acting on instinct? Sometimes you'll fuck up, but you'll learn a lesson, and you won't have a random best-seller to blame or thank — you'll learn to rely on yourself.

The Times oh-so-helpfully points out that Ms. Fein once said, "It is easier to stay married than to get married." Haha! Looks like both are quite a challenge. Hopefully Mr. Houpt, a 52-year-old entrepreneur, is Ms. Fein's Mr. Right. Maybe she didn't trick him into liking her. After all, even though Ms. Fein wrote The Rules, she also says: "You just need to have faith that your time will come. Everything is meant to be.”

Vows: Ellen Fein and Lance Houpt [New York Times]

Georgia Woman Turns Engagement Lemons Into Lemonade Cold Hard Cash

Jessica — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 12:30:00 EDT

RoseMary Shell gave up an $81,000 a year job in Pensacola, Florida to move in with her fiance, Wayne Gibbs in Gainesville, Georgia. A few days before they were to be married in early 2007, Wayne left RoseMary a 'Dear John' letter in the bathroom (is that better or worse than a break up Post-it??) and instead of getting mad, RoseMary got even. She sued Wayne for breach of contract and just yesterday was awarded $150,000 for her troubles. RoseMary and her lawyer were on the Today show this morning, gabbing with Meredith about the settlement. The best part? Bitch still has the ring, and she's sure as hell hocking it. Clip above.
Jury Awards Jilted Bride $150,000 [Gainesville Times]

Bridesmaid Revisited: How Friends' Beauty Standards Affect Our Own

Jessica — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 15:00:00 EDT

Yeah, yeah we know: the Times has a ludicrous article up about brides who pressure their bridesmaids, mothers and mothers-in-law to get Botox, boob jobs and chemical peels for their most special of special days. And yes, it's a disgusting display of materialism, looksism, narcissism and many other unfortunate -isms that we would not like to be associated with. But what I find more interesting is the friendship dynamics at play. Dodai already covered frenemies earlier today, and I wouldn't even say the women in this piece are frenemies, because no one seems to be insulted when their soon to-be-wed buddy suggests they get a little freshening up. Actually, they're delighted, because getting these treatments is the norm in their social circle. I think what this article is really about is how our friends' cosmetic choices affect our own self-images.

"Bridesmaids — who may quietly seethe about unflattering dresses — are surprisingly willing to pay for cosmetic enhancements," the Times' Abby Ellin writes. "'Most women, when they come in here, they want it,' said Camille Meyer, the owner of TriBeCa MedSpa. 'They know they’re aging.'" And if all your friends are getting botox, and none of them are going to have crows feet any more, it probably takes an abundance of self-esteem to own your crows feet unapologetically.

Sure, at first you might stand strong with your hard-earned wrinkles, but after the third person has asked you if you're really "tired" on your girls night out, your resolve might fade a little. We are all, whether we like to admit it or not, deeply affected by our peers' behavior. When I was in high school, it never occurred to me to pluck my eyebrows. They weren't particularly fuzzy and I really never noticed them. When I got to college, however, my good friend cornered me in her dorm room with a pair of sharp tweezers and said, "Honey, you really have to deal with this." I wasn't at all offended, either. And yes, there is a difference between a bit of eyebrow pluckin' and actual cosmetic surgery, but the impulses involved are similar.

That said, the woman who told her mother-in-law, "‘You should do Botox for the wedding!" is a damn fool. I'm sure your husband's mom is going to love you from now on, lady. Have fun at Christmas!

It’s Botox for You, Dear Bridesmaids [NY Times]

YouTube Queen Tricia Walsh-Smith Says She'd "Be Better Off In Baghdad"

Jessica — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 09:30:00 EDT

Tricia Walsh-Smith, the playwright who made made headlines earlier this year for posting a series of YouTube videos in which she revealed her husband, theater magnate Philip Smith, to be an erectile dysfunctioning cold-hearted guy, was divorced by said husband yesterday on the grounds of cruel and inhuman treatment. Walsh-Smith has been thrown out of the couple's Park Avenue apartment and will receive a settlement of $750,000 — the amount laid out in the prenup she signed back in 1999. Judge Harold Beeler was distinctly unimpressed by Walsh-Smith's YouTube caterwauling, and wrote in his court decision, "[Tricia] has attempted to turn the life of her husband into a soap opera by directing, writing, acting in and producing a melodrama…[it was] a calculated and callous campaign to embarrass and humiliate her husband." Tricia has called the settlement "disgusting" and added "I'd be better off in Baghdad." [Ed Note: No.]

However, Walsh-Smith doesn't regret posting the Youtube vids, even though the judge called her stunt, "A watershed event in this marriage, elevating what was still primarily a private dispute into a public spectacle…Had defendant not posted her videos on YouTube, a case could be made that her previous marital misconduct did not rise to the level of cruel and inhuman treatment, a claim that ironically she herself made on YouTube." On her official website, Walsh-Smith wrote that she will be making an official statement tomorrow at 10:30 am. For now, we'll have to make due with her parting claim from yesterday's trial: "If I hadn't done the videos," Walsh-Smith said, "I would only have gotten $50,000."

Man Wins Divorce From Angry Wife In YouTube Video [NYDN]
Tricia Walsh-Smith [YouTube Channel]
Tricia Walsh-Smith [Official Website]

Earlier: made headlines

The Wedding Industrial Complex Seeks To Conquer Europe

Megan — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 15:30:00 EDT

Despite the terrible exchange rate and horrendously expensive air fares, I am currently in Europe celebrating the wedding of one of my closest friends — we participated in a high school exchange together in 1994 and have been friends ever since. I have heard a lot about how wedding traditions differ here, from having to be married twice if you want a religious ceremony to the relative simplicity of the festivities in comparison to the "average" $27,000 American wedding. But, folks, let me tell you: the Wedding Industrial Complex cannot be sated with the domination of American bridal traditions. Like an airborne virus, it is making its way through Europe and it cannot and will not be stopped. Some of the imported excesses from my eyes, after the jump.

Now, let me say for the record, my dear friend (who prefers her name not be mentioned, so we'll call her A.) was far from a Bridezilla, not that I could really translate that into German anyway. She and her now-husband have been together for 6 years and lived together for almost 2 and so she was ready to eschew some of the grander absurdities of wedding traditions — including letting her poor blogger friend crash in her living room for a week. But there is a fully functioning bridal magazine business attempting to sell more expensive dresses, bigger parties, larger cakes and the full range of pre- and post-nuptial activities for which American weddings have come to be known. There might not be wedding rehearsals, but they'll tell you how to have a rehearsal dinner. In a hilarious mistranslation in the "biggest" wedding planning book, Der Perfekte Hochzeitsplaner, the author tells brides that their dresses should match their mothers' (as opposed to matching the "colors" of the wedding or whatever horseshit they're pedaling in the States these days). The car that drove my friend and her new husband from the church on Saturday even came equipped with a "Just Married" sign...in English! There are gift registries (though hardly anyone actually uses them, since most people these days seemingly live together before marriage) table gifts and wedding cakes — and, as in America, literally everything that has "bridal" before it costs twice as much as the same thing for a normal party.

On the other hand, my German friends were shocked that anyone would have an afternoon reception that ends before dinner (as my sister has planned for the fall); my friend and her husband attended a wedding last year in which the ceremony started at 8:30 in the morning... and the reception went until 8:30 the next morning. There is no rest (or sex) for the wicked, and their reception went until 4:30 am on Sunday morning. Thankfully, such parties leave no time or energy for "official" brunches, but if they keep importing our made-up, WIC-propagated traditions, there are going to be a lot more unhappy, hungover Germans cursing American culture, let me tell you.

Mormon Leaders Ask California Members To Fight Gay Marriage

Jessica — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 09:30:00 EDT

The LDS Church is asking its 750,000 Californian constituents to support the California Marriage Protection Act, an election day referendum that will change the state's constitution to define marriage as strictly between a man and a woman, the AP reports. In a letter leaked to several websites, Mormon Church President Thomas S. Monson said, "The church's teachings and position on this moral issue are unequivocal…Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained or God, and the formation of families is central to the creator's plan for his children." But that's not all the Mormon Church has to say about homosexuality. On the Church's official website, there is an entire section devoted to "Same-Gender Attraction," in which Church elders complain about the curtailing of freedom of speech and charges of homophobia.

Elder Oaks says on the LDS website, "Over past years we have seen unrelenting pressure from advocates of that lifestyle to accept as normal what is not normal, and to characterize those who disagree as narrow-minded, bigoted and unreasonable. Such advocates are quick to demand freedom of speech and thought for themselves, but equally quick to criticize those with a different view and, if possible, to silence them by applying labels like 'homophobic.'…Given these trends, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints must take a stand on doctrine and principle. This is more than a social issue — ultimately it may be a test of our most basic religious freedoms to teach what we know our Father in Heaven wants us to teach."

The website also has tips and tricks for Mormons who experience same sex attraction; they all boil down to remaining celibate for the rest of their lives. But there is a small glimmer of hope: the gay Mormon organization, Affirmation, has plans to meet with the head of LDS Family Services in August in an attempt to "bridge the divide between Mormonism and gay members hurt by church teachings that homosexuality is a sin," the AP reports. According to Affirmation spokesman David Melson, "We're not going to let this stand in the way.The church has said they are open to finding new avenues and new solutions to minister to gay members, and we are taking them at their word."

Mormon Church Enters Calif. Gay Marriage Fight [AP]
Same-Gender Attraction [LDS Official Website]
LDS Church Officials Urge California Members To Support Marriage Amendment [Mormon Times]

Congrats to our fellow Gawker Media blogger ...

Jessica — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 17:20:00 EDT

Congrats to our fellow Gawker Media blogger Gina Trapani, who married her longtime partner, Terra, in California today. She told Choire at Radar: "For the record, I *know* that marriage is a lame institution rooted in religion (I'm an atheist) and patriarchy. BUT, my parents had a great marriage—I watched my Dad come home from work and kiss my Mom hello every evening 34 years into it, genuinely happy to see her—and I wanted that same thing with Terra. (And that's IT—as mushy as I'm getting! Shutting up now!)" AWWW!! [Radar]

Same Sex Marraiges More Egalitarian Than Heterosexual Couplings, Some Studies Show

Jessica — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 09:30:00 EDT

With California slated to start handing down marriage licenses to gay couples this month, the New York Times science section has a roundup of studies pertaining to longterm homosexual relationships. One notable study was performed in Vermont after the state legalized same-sex civil unions in 2000. The study examined sources of strife: housework, sex, and money, and how homosexual couples dealt with these issues when compared to heterosexual couples. According to Tara Parker-Pope of the Times, "Same-sex relationships, whether between men or women, were far more egalitarian than heterosexual ones. In heterosexual couples, women did far more of the housework; men were more likely to have the financial responsibility; and men were more likely to initiate sex, while women were more likely to refuse it or to start a conversation about problems in the relationship." In addition, while the rate of conflict was similar between homosexual and heterosexual couples, the rate of satisfaction was higher amongst the gays.

A second study, published in the Journal of Homosexuality, showed that heterosexual couples deploy more destructive tactics in verbal battles, while homosexual couples were more likely to be able to see the other person's point of view. “When they got into these really negative interactions, gay and lesbian couples were able to do things like use humor and affection that enabled them to step back from the ledge and continue to talk about the problem instead of just exploding,” UC Berkley psych professor Robert W. Levenson told the Times.

But the differences end there: apparently same sex couples and heterosexual couples alike display the "demand withdraw reaction," which, according to the Times is when "the woman tends to be unhappy and to make demands for change, while the man reacts by withdrawing from the conflict." Though the demand aspect of this interaction was previously attributed to a male/female disconnect, now researchers realize that this sort of behavior is not gendered.

And anyway, in addition to being potentially more egalitarian, a new study out of UCLA shows that the gay marriage industry could pump hundreds of millions of dollars into the California economy. According to the AP, "Gay couples are projected to spend $684 million on flowers, cakes, hotels, photographers and other wedding services over the next three years…[and] The nuptial rush is expected to create some 2,200 jobs." Can't wait for the awesomely lavish DeGeneres/de Rossi California nuptials myself!

Gay Unions Shed Light On Gender In Marriage [New York Times]
Study: Gay Marriage Good For Economy [AP via CBS News]

French Annulment Of Muslim "Virgin" Marriage Exposes Underlying Tension

Jessica — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 09:30:00 EDT

M. X and Mlle. Y were working professionals of North African decent living in France. M. X, an engineer, had become increasingly religious as of late, and his fiancee, Mlle. Y, had promised him that she was a virgin before they wed. On the wedding night, M. X stormed into the still-bumping wedding party to rant that his wife had lied; there was no bloody sheet, and so she was not a virgin. M. X asked for, and was granted, an annulment by French courts, based on Article 180 of French Civil Code, which allows for immediate dissolution of marriage if one spouse "fails to fulfill an 'essential' part of their pre-wedding agreement," according to the Independent. The ruling has inflamed an already touchy French national subject: separation of church and state. Fadela Amara, a minister from France's largely African-immigrant populated suburbs called the ruling a "fatwa against the emancipation of women." Rachida Dati (at left), France's first senior minister of North African descent, supported the ruling, to much criticism.

Dati said last week, "The justice system is there to protect the weak and the modest when they are in difficulty," and according to the Independent, "Everyone from the far left to Marine Le Pen on the far right piled in to accuse her of insensitivity, of lack of understanding of France's secular tradition and – implicitly – of being soft on Islam." Dati has been oft-criticized since she took office, and in this scenario, as in many others, some believe that she is "resented especially by several experienced, male, white, centre-right politicians who think that they have a superior claim to her plum job," the Independent notes.

The court ruling was not based on the fact that Mlle. Y was not a virgin — her husband was granted the annulment because she lied, and many Catholic spouses have been granted annulments in France based on Article 180, although anthropologist Dounia Bouzar called the court ruling "a victory for fundamentalists and a victory for those who look at Islam as an archaic religion that treats women badly."

In some ways the case reminds me of the Alexander Payne satire Citizen Ruth, as neither bride nor groom wants to appeal the annulment, and an otherwise private matter has been made a talking point for two contentious sides of a national debate. However, what sticks out to me is the "proof" that Mlle. Y was lying about her non-virgin status. Hymens can break without aid of a penis, and not every woman bleeds upon first intercourse, though the details of the court proceedings are not in any of the articles, so I don't know whether the wife subsequently admitted to prior sex. But just like the abortion debate in Citizen Ruth, the fevered strife between those who revere France's staunchly secular past (some of whom exhibit a measure of xenophobia) and those who are looking towards a more flexible future are not about to end any time soon.

UPDATE: from commenter ohnoela, "For those questioning about the proof— it's a well known fact in France that Mlle Y admitted to her non-virginity right after. I saw some quote from her lawyers about it, or maybe it was in her deposition— either way, even though the non-bloody sheet (ridiculous, ugh) was the cause of suspicion, the annulment decision was based on more than a lack of blood. As far as I know, she confessed as soon as her husband made the accusation." Thanks ohnoela!

Rise Of Rachida Dati: The Minister, The 'Virgin Bride' And The Row That's Dividing A Nation [Independent]
France Appeals Annulment Of Muslim Marriage Over Bride's Virginity Lie [Telegraph]

It Was The Best Of Times, It Was The Worst Of Times: A Gallery Of Not So Gorgeous Bridal Fashions

Jennifer — Fri, 30 May 2008 15:00:00 EDT

Hi guys! And greetings from the world of Big Ponies! So way back when I was still a full-time Jezebel, I asked you to send me pics of the best-worst bridal party dresses you've ever worn. And I have to say: You're all a bunch of chickens. You totally weenied out on me! Too afraid to insult the so-called "friends" who forced you wear the monstrosities, only twenty-two of you dared to send me your bridesmaid crimes of fashion. And rest assured, I admire you for it. After the jump, the gallery of the brave, the strong, the survivors of the worst hells bells has to offer.

(Click on any image to begin gallery view)

Meddling Moms Already Planning Kids' Future Gay Marriages

Jessica — Fri, 30 May 2008 14:30:00 EDT

Many people are rejoicing about the newly legal prospect of gay marriage, and no one is more excited than certain marriage happy moms, who feel that they have somehow failed if their children are not betrothed and be-childrened. In California, where one-in-four residents is foreign born, Sandip Roy writes in Salon, "For my immigrant friends, being gay in California is not much of an issue. Being unmarried in their 30s and 40s is the real issue, the conversation-stopper at Indian potlucks, the thing that makes them stick out at Chinese banquets." He adds, "Immigrant families just understand marriage, even same-sex marriage, more easily that singlehood. Singleness means you never grew up. It's the biggest failing of parenthood — the incompleteness of the unmarried child."

Roy takes the idea to a somewhat logical conclusion: that someday, in the not-too-distant future, emotionally-invested moms might start arranging same-marriages for their children. Sigh. No one is safe from the tyranny of the marriage-minded mommy!! But seriously, while marriage should be available for any two people regardless of gender, does it have to be the end game for everyone?

Be Gay, Be Anything — Just Not Single! [Salon]

Earlier: Maybe-Lesbian Lindsay Lohan's Home State To Recognize Gay Marriage

Maybe-Lesbian Lindsay Lohan's Home State To Recognize Gay Marriage

Jessica — Thu, 29 May 2008 09:30:00 EDT

Did ya hear? Lesbianism is chic now that Lindsay Lohan has tacitly embraced the joys of Sappho. At least that's what the New York Post thinks, and New York, one of Lilo's favorite playgrounds, is the newest state to recognize gay marriage. While gay marriages cannot be performed in New York State, according to the AP, Governor Patterson "instructed state agencies - including those governing insurance and health care - to immediately change policies and regulations to recognize gay marriages." And unless there is a stay of the recent California Supreme Court ruling, the left coast will start issuing same-sex marriage licenses on June 17.

While gay marriage is legal in Massachusetts, state residency requirements make it impossible for New Yorkers to cross the border to get hitched (thanks to ex-Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney, who dusted off a 1913 law on residency requirements to keep homosexuals from flocking to his fair state to get wedded). However, residents of Rhode Island and New Mexico can get married in the ~~Gay~~ Bay State, unless the couples say they plan on staying on after they're married, according to CNN.

But back to Sam Ronson and Lilo: though the Post's assessment of the effects of Lindsay's possible lesbianism on pop culture is outrgeous, I do think that if she does come out, it wouldn't be a particularly big a deal. In fact, as Queerty editor Andrew Belonsky puts it, "At this point, coming out would be the most normal thing [Lindsay's] done in months."

Living La Vida Lesbo [You Stay Classy, New York Post]

Gay Rights Advocates Score Wins In NY, Calif. [AP]
Gay Marriage Advances In Calif., New York [CBS News]
New York To Recognize Gay Marriage [CNN]

California Love

Plus-Size Bridal On An Anorexic Budget: Now At A Mall Near You

Jennifer — Fri, 09 May 2008 15:20:00 EDT

Torrid, plus-sized mall-chain extraordinaire, is now moving into the wonderful world of bridal wear, all priced at the very friendly price point of $78-$220. But are the looks any good? Eh, yes and no. After the jump, I evaluate the mass-produced dresses for the supposed curvy girl on a budget.

This dress seems all kinds of cruel. What's with the random pintucks in the skirt? And why must the bow look so cheap?
I'm typically pro the cocktail-length wedding dress. But not if it comes with a bolero like this.
I swear there is no difference between this dress and ones you'll find in fancy wedding stores. It's not my taste, but it's a look a lotta ladies seem to love.
This dress fuckin' rocks. To the max!
Slightly "maternity" and you would need a really good bra, but has potential.
No: Putting a friend in this as a bridesmaid dress is a Crime Against Womanity.

Torrid Announces Plus-Size Bridal Collection [The Budget Fashionista]
Torrid Bride [Torrid]

Wedding-Planning Polls: Democratic Or Dumb?

Jennifer — Mon, 05 May 2008 18:30:00 EDT

The Wall Street Journal is reporting that the latest trend in the wacky world of bridal is to replace the wedding planner with an online poll. Why should brides spend time and money making tough decisions when they can turn that responsibility over to the folks who'll be attending? They don't have to worry their pretty little heads about the cake, the first dance song, the booze or even their hairstyle. Of course, a bride is still a bride. It's her day, right? That's why Rachael Buskirk, 25, an engineer from Asheville, N.C. (who met her fiancé through MySpace), plans to ignore her cake poll. See, the guests didn't pick the style she preferred.

One bride who spoke with the WSJ says that her only regret on her wedding day was that she wishes she "had done more polls." Some, however, continue to resist this philosophy. Etiquette writer Anna Post says, "It's a little bit of an imposition if you are sending [guests] every question that comes in your head." Fellow ettiquetrix Letitia Baldrige adds, "To have to ask your friends, many of whom have terrible taste anyway, is ludicrous."

On one hand, as a bride, what makes your friends' taste any worse than a wedding planner you hardly know? (And really: Why the fuck are they your friends if they have shitty taste?) On the other hand, it is a day to celebrate with those nearest and dearest to you; if you find out that 92% of them prefer chocolate icing, isn't that the least you can do? And to FOTBs (friends of the bride): She's gonna ask for your opinion on all this crap anyway. Wouldn't clicking a button in an online poll be easier than having to have the "the flowers you've chosen are hideous" discussion?

iDo [WSJ]

Always A Bridesmaid; Always An Ugly Bridesmaid Dress

Jennifer — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 16:20:00 EDT

Are you neither black, nor Christian, nor a lover of animals? In other words: Have you not be able to participate in our "Past Fashion" posts? This may be your lucky day. Have you ever been looked in the eye by an otherwise loving friend or relative and been told to wear the same dress that nine other girls will also be wearing? The May installment of Past Fashion is all about your best-worst bridesmaids dresses. I have only been in one wedding, my cousin Amy's, and though the dress was "chocolate" (i.e. brown), it was nice enough. (That's me on the left.) But surely you've been subjected to worse forms of bridal torture. And we want evidence! Email your submissions to photos@jezebel.com with "Past Fashion: Bridesmaid Dresses" in the headline, and be sure to include all the gory details. Like the insane "color" of the dress (burnt tangerine! misty aubergine!) and tidbits about drunken groomsmen or bridezillas who made you cry. And don't forget your name (or username), location and date the photo was taken. We'll be accepting submissions until May 18 and want the absolute best of your bridal party worst.

I Thee Dread

Jennifer — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 15:40:00 EDT

Remember when Tracie and Anna attended the New York magazine Wedding Showcase and marveled at all the expensive shit? Well! It was clearly like visiting a landfill compared to the Wedding Salon, a "luxury" wedding showcase held Monday here in New York. For the $75 entrance fee, aspirationally-budgeted brides could meet vendors who put couples' pictures on M&Ms or create martini bars made entirely out of ice. Want the "entry-level" wedding offered by Sarah Jessica Parker's wedding planner Thomas Noel? That'll set you back $75,000. Want to go all the way? No problem: Your fantasy princess wedding will be dutifully arranged by him for a cool $10 million. "If you can afford it, you do it," says Noel. No thanks. [NYT]

Reem Acra Bridal And The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat

Jennifer — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 16:00:00 EDT

There is something inherently creepy about the fact that this season's Reem Acra bridal collection was inspired by various children's characters like Alice in Wonderland, Raggedy Ann and Strawberry Shortcake. (Paging Dr. Freud!) And yet — thank goodness for Reem Acra, because, if not for her, we would all have been faced with one of the most boring (if not just plain bad) bridal seasons of recent memory. Acra's gowns explode with color, whimsy, and (what a relief!) point of view. At last, a designer who applies the concepts of high design to the world of bridal design, which is so frequently dismissed as the height of banality. Whether her almost-Lolita-esque designs are your cup of tea is another story altogether, but I can't help but applaud design that tells stories and isn't afraid of a little reckless, feckless imagination. The collection, of course, after the jump.

L to R: If I got married, I would want to do so in shoes like those; Can we discuss the big hat trend for bridal this season?; Fuck getting married: I want that teal duster and turban stat.
L to R: That dress weighs more than I do; I'll pass on the gown but take the pink tights; Doesn't this look like the dress that Kit and Ricky made for the couture challenge on this season's Project Runway? You know - the one Kit got sent home for?
L to R: Puppy!; Where's the wedding, the Moulin Rouge?; I wish the handprint were on the dress itself.
L to R: Pom-poms were my crafting means de rigeur when I was 5, which was also the age I was into Raggedy Ann; More wedding pants?!; I don't know that I think of this.
You can't see, but my heart is going pitter patter at the site of rainbow-colored, whimsy-drenched bridal.
I hope the woman who gets married in this dress also has "Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters" as her first dance. Seriously.

Final Verdict: If your marriage falls apart, at least you can reuse the dress and run away and join the circus!

All images via Getty.

This Season's Vera Wang Bridal: A Whole Lotta Ugly

Jennifer — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 15:40:00 EDT

Is there any bigger name in bridal than Vera Wang? I say no. Hell, the woman has even pimped her brand out into china, crystal, linens and mattresses to continue her monopoly on all things nuptial. But not gonna lie: I'm worried about Vera Wang. Because the bridal collection she showed yesterday is really really bad. There's little coherence to it and the shapes seem purposeless at best; deformed and dated at worst. Okay, there was one look I loved, but other than that it was a whole lot of oy. See for yourself, after the jump.

Verdict: Row 4, dress 1. That one is beautiful. The rest...well, my mom always told me if I didn't have anything nice to say...

Bridal Season Continues With A Flurry Of Lookalike White Gowns

Jennifer — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 17:00:00 EDT

More bridal shows! Yesterday, designers Angel Sanchez and lara Helene both essentially offered up the same old iterations of the same old styles we've seen forever, though props to Sanchez for popping a few short looks in the collection, which I happen to dig. (I just ain't a poofy dress kinda girl.) And since I know you all have strong feelings on the ubiquitous strapless gown, do the feeling stay the same with regards to strapless but short? The collections are after the jump: Go on and weigh in.

Angel Sanchez Verdict: Yawn.

Lara Helene

Verdict: Sorry, were you saying something?

All images via Getty

This Season's Bridal Wares Continue To Inspire Shock, Awe

Jennifer — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 16:00:00 EDT

Another day, another set of new bridal collections to judge. Lela Rose, Oscar de la Renta, and Carolina Herrera are all noted presences in the (non-bridal) fashion world, each offering their own take on classicism and femininity. As for their their bridal collections, each had varying levels of success. Lela Rose's dresses are good in concept, but the execution is a little meh. Oscar de la Renta (at left) offers something for every taste: Sheaths! Princess skirts! Pantsuits! Cocktail dresses! And while many are unquestionably beautiful, his Scarlett O'Terror look is a bad, bad idea. Carolina Herrera's collection was the most consistent, and definitely had moments of brilliance. But the Three Blind Mice-meets-Dr. Zhivago styling certainly isn't for everyone. (Or maybe even anyone.) The collections for your review, after the jump.

Lela Rose

Verdict: Sleepy, wrinkled. No thanks.

Oscar de la Renta

Verdict: Something for everyone (including those with bad taste). I'll stick with the simple stuff (for my non-existent wedding), thanks.

Carolina Herrera

Verdict: Ladylike and rebellious... Just like us?

[Images via Getty.]

Suddenly, Disney Bridal Doesn't Look So Bad

Jennifer — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 16:00:00 EDT

The latest season of bridal shows began on Friday, and already we are mildly concerned with what we see. While really big name Badgley Mischka is, um, one of the really biggest names in this market, I found the whole collection to be 1) ugly 2) dated and 3) kitschy. Seriously, the Disney bridal dresses looked better than this shit. Monique Lhuillier, who is what Vera Wang was 10 years ago (aka the choice of "cool" brides who don't have to worry about money), offered a much better showing, her looks markedly sophisticated and tasteful and "modern' on the whole. Maybe it was just the choice of models, but something about it, though, left me with a funny taste of "child bride" in my mouth. The collections for your review, after the jump.

Badgley Mischka

L to R: Um did they hem this dress a little short?; Look! The gown hurts her heart so badly she has to grab her sides!; Wedding dress? Or New Age straight-jacket?

L to R: How original; Bling, anyone?; Where's Rami Kashou when you need him?

L to R: If George Clooney marries that cocktail waitress, I bet she'll wear this; No more mermaid silhouettes, please; Just say no to tiers.

L to R: Just painful; No more shiny, please; For the pregnant bride, clearly.

L to R: That has to be the tackiest neckline ever; Stop! The originality is killing me! Sparkly and a mermaid silhouette!

Monique Lhuillier

L to R: Perfet for Romeo's Juliette — who was supposed to be what? 13 years old?; Ruffle booty!; Someone free her boobies, please.

L to R: And Prada thinks they own the whole lace thing this season; Lo. Li. Ta: Light of my life, fire of my loins; Has this girl even hit puberty?

L to R: Why is there something a little good touch/bad touch about this?; Tyra calls this the "couture pose"; The bride is the age of a flower girl.

[Images via Getty.]

We know you've been on pins and needs, tossing ...

Jennifer — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 10:45:00 EDT

We know you've been on pins and needs, tossing and turning nightly worrying about who Jenna Bush was going to select to design her wedding dress. Breathe again at last: She has made her decision. Oscar de la Renta will be dressing America's favorite children's book author/boozy bride-to-be. Need to be reminded of what his sketch looked like? Click on the pic to see. [WWD, sub req'd]

Big Wedding, Yes; Boob Jobs & Botox, No

Jessica — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 15:00:00 EDT

You know, every time someone writes about weddings our commenters [And me. -Ed.] are all, "I would never spend any money on a wedding!" and "I can't believe anyone would lose weight for their big day, how superficial!" and "I am so unmaterialistic and wonderful I'm getting married in a burlap sack at the bottom of a big hole in the dirt because weddings are stupid and they should really be about true love and blah blah blah." But seriously? Fuck that noise. I totally want a huge-ass wedding and a pretty, poofy dress and I'll probably try to lose five pounds by joining some retarded gym program right before the wedding. There, I said it. But I promise not to go as apeshit as the women profiled today's Guardian.

According to the paper, women are getting boob jobs, nose jobs, Botox, and more than 20% of brides polled by academic researchers "were taking an approach [to weight loss] that the researchers perceived as 'extreme', including downing laxatives, vomiting after meals and adopting a new-found smoking habit as a way to stave off hunger pangs."

"You could say bollocks to it and get married in something from Topshop," writer Alice Wignall says, "but it's not easy for any woman who has grown up with the beauty myth - even if she's actually read The Beauty Myth - to do that on the one day still marked most seriously by old-fashioned notions of femininity."

Cosmo and MSN took those old-fashioned notions of femininity to heart when they printed this list of Single-Girl Things to Do Before You Marry. (Goddamn, this list is stupid.) "Slip one of those furry covers on the toilet," Cosmo suggests; "Plan your fantasy wedding!" "If all you feel like eating for dinner is ice cream and diet soda, buy a cone and pop a Coke!" Except for the planning the wedding part, the entire list is filled with idiotic tripe that you could do when you're married, too. Isn't there some sort of middle ground between getting married in Topshop and planning your Cosmo-licious fantasy wedding years before you've even met a prospective husband?

And The Bride Wore Botox ... [Guardian]
Single-Girl Things to Do Before You Marry [MSN, reprinted from Cosmopolitan]

Earlier: Single Slut Crashes New York Weddings Showcase

Oldies But Goodies

Dodai — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 15:40:00 EDT

"Queen rose — you, on your wedding day," reads the copy from a 1955 issue of Brides magazine. Would you look at the width of that skirt. Talk about a carbon footprint. Also available: "The new filmy look for Spring, magnificently interpreted in lace and nylon tulle... And making much of the exciting new longer torso." Exciting! Click the picture for a double dose of retro. [Vintage Ads]

Mineral Makeup! Lip Plumpers! Oil Cleansers! Colonics? Sephora Spy Spills All, And More!

Moe — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 14:00:00 EDT

How did humanity even survive without some of the things we now regularly buy at Sephora? Yes, I am kidding. Today our Sephora Spy, Jasmine, is back, and, with the help of commenter LoMorale, she tackles your questions about some of the most common things you didn't know you needed before Sephora started selling them. Lip venom: is there anything to the pain? Mineral makeup: can you really sleep in it? Won't you break out? Oil cleansers: won't those also make you break out? "High-definition" makeup for making television appearances: crap, that's asking for a breakout. All that, a rigorous discussion of high colonics and what you won't hear from Jasmine while she's on the clock, after the jump. Not satisfied? Drop a line yourself to SephoraSpy@gmail.com.

Do lip plumpers work for anything other than keeping you entertained while you're on drugs?

They sort of work. Basically with a lip plumper like Lip Venom or Lip Injection, you're putting an irritant on your lips. Put an irritant anywhere on your skin and that part of you is going to sting, puff up, and get red. The lips are a really delicate, sensitive area, too, so something that might not irritate the rest of you will probably irritate that area. If you are not looking for entertainment while on drugs or in the middle of a photo shoot, I really don't see why you'd subject yourself to this. They don't sting that badly, although sometimes when I show people the Too Faced Lip Injection, they start freaking out and moaning and writhing in pain. These people being ridiculous. If that is what they think pain feels like, I'm glad I'm not their doctor. But the real question to ask yourself when it comes to lip plumpers is, "would I put this on my inner labia?" If the answer is no, it probably shouldn't go on your face lips either. Even so, as far as I know, there are no known cases of anyone not surviving a lip plumper. It's not really doing anything permanent or profound, don't let the nine layers of fancy packaging fool you. It just kind of tingles.

Bare Escentuals: miracle product or a gimmick?

Bare Minerals is Bare Escentual's star product. It's basically a foundation in powder form that claims to be so good for your skin that you can sleep in it. The thing I do like about it is that there are only five totally straightforward ingredients. It's mostly titanium dioxide, which is an ingredient you find in a lot of sunscreens. This is good because it provides some sun coverage, but the bad news is that lots of people are allergic to this ingredient. If you have an allergy, you'll break out in hives either right away or after prolonged use. Titanium dioxide is all well and good as far as I'm concerned, but Bare Minerals also has something called bismuth oxycloride which can trigger serious cystic acne in people who are allergic to it. Not so cool. Also not so cool is the fact that between the bismuth oxychloride and the mica, it is some disco shit. Which is awesome if you are eighteen, but for everyone else, the shimmer will accentuate large pores, wrinkles, acne, dry patches... whatever is wrong with your face, Bare Minerals will somehow manage to highlight. This stuff gets all up in my crow's feet and makes them look worse. Also embarrassing is that this was originally a QVC product. They also have really corny mall stores. I hear it works wonders for some people, but between the infomercials and the mall stores, I have to wonder if the lights in Applebee's are not maybe sort of forgiving. We sell a ton of this at Sephora. The starter kit is a really good deal and everyone usually buys that. You get two different shades of foundation, concealer, mineral veil which is basically powder even though all of it is powder, a priming lotion, and all of the brushes you need. Can you sleep in it? Why would you sleep in it when they make Rare Minerals is ridiculous. I mean, it's sort of awesome in that it is makeup that is also a night treatment. It's supposed to make you pretty while you sleep. I can see this being a lifesaver for girls who haven't gotten laid since the year 2000 because their skin is so bad that they don't want the guy to see them without their makeup on, yet are equally unwilling to go to bed without washing their face. It has decent coverage, too. It's makeup. I don't know if it works, I'm kind of scared of it. Every fiber in my being says that sleeping in makeup is wrong, and that it is even more wrong to put makeup on specifically for sleeping in.

Can Little Rock, Arkansas please have a Sephora store?

Well, way back right after they hired me, there was this big meeting when they asked all of the $11 an hour sales assistants (but not the lowly $9 an hour sales assistants) what we, personally, thought about the terrible conundrum of Little Rock. I tried to fight for you guys, really I did, but eventually the president told us that he felt that Little Rock was "beyond our services" in the beauty department. I had a free panini in one hand and the spigot on a box of Franzia pushed down with two of my other fingers. Who was I to make an issue?

I'm getting married soon and I'm so not a "makeup" chick. What kind of foundation looks the best in pictures taken outside?

Cargo cosmetics carries a product called Blu-Ray High Definition that is specifically meant for people whose pictures are being taken. I think the clever concept behind that name it is that it'll make you look good enough for high definition TV, which obviously magnifies every little imperfection and flaw and can sometimes be less than pretty for that reason. This product is a little kit for $59 that includes powder, blush/highlighter stuff, lip gloss, a mattifying primer, and mascara. Now, how mascara can be considered "high definition" in a sense beyond it separating your eyelashes is beyond me, but yeah, it's in there. The lip gloss is whatever. But the face products make a little more sense to me. They come in one color that supposedly works on everyone. The idea is that you use your own foundation between the primer and powder, and the blush is something that works for everyone. The fact that it's a whole kit is good for non-makeup-people, and also people who are buying makeup for a specific event during which they'll be photographed. As far as foundation goes, if you use this stuff along with your usual foundation, it should be fine. This stuff is pretty heavy-duty.

I'm Black, and I have what I guess is considered "typical" skin for Black people: oily, with blackheads and large pores. What should I use? How often should I wash my skin? Should I use moisturizer?

If you walked into Sephora, I'd try to sell you on the Shu Uemura Skin Purifier High Performance Balancing Cleansing Oil. Five ounces for $28. Basically the idea is that oil repels oil, so if you're oily and wash your face with more oil, it encourages your skin to find a balance. A lot of oily skinned people try to dry their skin out, which kind of makes their face think that it needs to produce more oil to compensate. Using an oil cleanser is one of way of making sure that doesn't happen. This alone could have a really dramatically good effect. Also, cleansing oils are good because they require you to massage it in, something that's really good for your face. Of course, since I'm not on the clock at the moment, I can tell you that you can do the same thing on the cheap with products you can find in the drugstore. Check out this website for the Oil Cleansing Method. The site recommends that you only do it once, at night, and since it involves oils anyway, there's no need for a moisturizer. Bare Minerals actually has an SPF 15, and it's great for oilier skin, so if you wear makeup during the day, that's a good way of killing two birds with one stone.

What other techniques have you thought about trying in your quest to achieve perfect skin?

I'm really interested in high colonics right now. I spent a whole day last week calling places up and asking them questions until they were about to hang up on me. A high colonic is when they pump your ass full of water, or water mixed with other substances, in order to clean your colon out. Apparently sometimes they find things you swallowed as a child, like pennies, rings, buttons, things like that. So what I wanted to know was, if you find a ring, can I keep it? Can I just keep my old poop if I feel like it? Cause you don't have to go digging through it if you don't want to, I'll do that part, but if I swallowed a ring as a child I probably want that back. Also I asked what I should eat first, and they said no meat or dairy for 24 hours beforehand. And I wanted to know if it hurts. Like fifty times, I asked that, and every single place assured me that it didn't. The one place said that all the poopy stuff goes through this tube and you can watch it come out, like poop TV. I asked them if I could do it every week, or if I should wait for something to build up, because, you know, they like to do a series of them. I'm not sure if that's a rip-off tactic or not but that's what all of them tell you. Anyway, it's supposed to be really good for detoxing your skin. If you are suddenly able to digest better, your liver isn't working so hard and your epithelial system isn't bearing the brunt of your bad habits. I can see how that works. Mostly, though, it's just something to do and I want to see what happens. A technician stands there and massages your stomach and whispers sweet nothings in your ear as your colon is irrigated. Do you think they get tipped? If anyone knows a precedent for that, please tell me. I would seriously hate to stiff a colon irrigation technician for a tip. It's poop. If they generally get tipped, I want to tip well.

Earlier: How I Conquered My Cystic Acne In Just 17 Painful Steps
I Work Here To Feed My Sick Fancy Product Addiction, The Least I Can Do Is Help You
Meet Jasmine, Our Undercover Sephora Agent

Disney Flower Girl Dresses: For Little Girls Who Still Believe In Fairy Princesses

Jennifer — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:20:00 EDT

The reign of terror of Disney Bridal continues! And while this is the second season the line has presented looks for brides and their maids, this is the first time they've offered up looks for flower girls, too. We say if you want your flower girl to look like a Disney princess, just go to your favorite local party store right after Halloween and pick up some costumes on clearance. But that's just us. Fairy princess looks for a demographic that still believes in fairy princesses, after the jump.

Ariel:
Verdict: If you can't have fins, there's always tiers?

Belle:
Verdict: The website says that the flower detailing at the waist is in reference to Belle's "generous spirit." We still don't get it.

Cinderella:
Verdict: Cinderella. Full skirts. We get it.

Jasmine:
Verdict: What would Edward Said say about the Jasmine looks having "unique" necklines? Probably that same ol' thing about the romanticization of the Other for consumption by the West.

Sleeping Beauty:
Verdict: Apparently Sleeping Beauty likes bows.

Snow White:
Verdict: If you're gonna be in a glass coffin, you might as well accessorize with some tulle and ruching.

Earlier: Disney Bridal: For The Fairy Princess In None Of Us
Disney Bridesmaids Dresses: For The Fairy Princess In None Of Your Friends

Luke Wilson Golf Wear: What The World Needs Now

Jennifer — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 11:30:00 EDT

Luke Wilson is "designing" a line of golf products and accessories for Puma. Ah, the insatiable American hunger for the consumption of stuff and celebrity! Or the perception of the insatiability, or whatever. [WWD, sub req'd]
Speaking of! Rod Stewart is launching a clothing line. [Guardian]
Donna Karan is doing Passover with Demi and Ashton in Miami. [Fashion Week Daily]
Really, how much longer can Christian Siriano hold congratulatory celebrations for himself? [Fashion Week Daily]
Elle Macpherson is the latest face of Revlon. [WWD, sub req'd]

English girl designers Georgina Chapman and Keren Craig are adding a bridal collection for their label, Marchesa, to debut next month. Chapman made herself not one but two wedding dresses for her recent nuptials to Harvey Weinstein, so she's totally qualified, btw. [WWD, 1st item]
Marc Jacobs is already fighting with his new boyfriend, Austin A. Also: partying in sweatpants and wife-beaters.[Page Six]
Mary J. Blige is taking sellers of knockoff Mary J. Blige concert tees to court. [Page Six]
George Clooney may not be doing his own clothing line, but he does wear Belstaff in his upcoming film Leatherheads and the Italian label is sponsoring the film's European premiere. [Vogue UK]
Steve McQueen also did not do his own clothing line. Though we think the fact that he's dead should have been evidence enough. [Reuters]
Israeli fashion is apparently on the rise. I am going to be polite here and pretend like the words "Israeli style" don't actually evoke any sort of mental image for me because I love my people. But. [WWD, sub req'd]
Jean-Paul Gaultier: Dressing Kylie Minogue for her upcoming tour. [WWD, 3rd item]
Azzedine Alaia just received a French Legion of Honor. Who? What? [WWD, 1st item]
Tom Ford has designs on Japan. [WWD, sub req'd]
Stella McCartney is heading to India. [WWD, sub req'd]
Agyness Deyn continues to find work. [The Sun UK]
Drinking this water will apparently magically protect your skin from UV rays; LOL. [Chic Report]
O.C. alum Samaire Armstrong: has a clothing line too. [Sassybella]
How to recycle your clothing! [Utne]

Disney Bridesmaid Dresses: For The Fairy Princess In None Of Your Friends

Jennifer — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 14:30:00 EDT

Remember the Disney Bridal collection from yesterday? Guess what: It's not just for brides! Yup: the soon-to-be betrothed can include their bridesmaids in their princess-themed nuptials. Just like the wedding dresses, the bridesmaids collection is "inspired" by Belle, Ariel, Jasmine, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella and Snow White and each includes three styles of bridesmaids gowns. Fortunately, we find them to be a little more like their princess namesakes than the wedding dresses were. The Disney Bridal Fall 2008 bridesmaid collection, after the jump.

Ariel: Verdict: Wow. They're all sea-colored. Deep.

Belle: Verdict: At least one is yellow like the dress Belle danced with the Beast in.

Cinderella: Verdict: Perfect for wicked stepsisters.

Jasmine: Verdict: Just me, or does this model sorta look like Atoosa Rubenstein?

Sleeping Beauty: Verdict: But no way in hell would the 'Toos wear one of these short flouncy things. Maybe the long black one though? She does have a goth side.

Snow White: Verdict: Oh now I remember: Hair as black as coal, lips as red as cherries, skin as white as snow.

Earlier: Disney Bridal: For The Fairy Princess In None Of Us

Disney Bridal: For The Fairy Princess In None Of Us

Jennifer — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 15:30:00 EDT

Have you heard? Disney, the very same company that has been selling young girls the myth that if we sit around on your asses long enough, a prince will come and whisk you us off our feet, is now selling young women wedding dresses inspired by the various Disney princesses: Ariel from The Little Mermaid, Belle from Beauty and the Beast, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, and Jasmine from Aladdin. The new Disney Bridal collection, now in its second season, rehashes the worst bridal design stereotypes and repackages them into looks that resemble those in the Disney movies we saw as kids... if we squint our eyes real hard, that is. After the jump, behold the latest collection by Disney Bridal designer Kirstie Kelly for grown women who want to dress like animated drawings.

Verdict: Mermaid tails. How, um, literal.

Verdict: Has Kirstie Kelly woman ever seen Beauty and the Beast? No bookish geek girl worth her library would be seen within spitting distance of this much tulle underlay.

Verdict: Oh come on: Would it have killed her to do at least one of those in that Cinderella blue? Think outside the box, ladies. And by that we mean, translate your cartoon idols as literally as possible.

Verdict: Because in Arabia, they accentuate their hips?

Verdict: Notice how all these styles have sleeves of some sorts. After all that time sleeping, we guess Beauty wasn't afraid to play it coy at the altar.

Verdict: Is it weird that the oldest cartoon yielded one of the more modern looking dresses? I mean, at least that middle one isn't a princess dress.

Soren Dayton: One Of Those Guys Who Has To Get Professionally Humiliated Before He Proposes To You?

Moe — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 13:20:41 EDT

That McCain aide who just got fired for circulating that nasty video on his Twitter feed just won't stop using the internet! Or going about his life. Last night, he celebrated spoiling his bright future defending war with countries starting in "Ira" by... getting engaged to his longtime girlfriend. And to top it all off, announcing his intention to go to Baskin-Robbins. (Ha, see what we did there?) Click for the whole awesome screengrab.

How Would You Feel If Your Ex Got Married?

Dodai — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 17:00:00 EDT

John Mason, 35, got hitched on Saturday. Big deal? Yeah, because at his last wedding, the bride disappeared and then claimed she'd been kidnapped. John Mason's ex fiancé, Jennifer Wilbanks, was known as the "runaway bride." For causing chaos and lying to authorities she was sentenced to two years' probation and community service, including mowing the lawns at public buildings. Meanwhile, John's new bride is the cousin of a friend he went to high school with. The ceremony was quiet and John's mom did the flowers (pink roses). Here's the thing: Even if she got cold feet, had some "issues" or just went a little nuts back in 2005 when she ran away, Jennifer Wilbanks, at some point, told this man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. And now he's with someone else. Have you been there? I have.

A few years back, I was living with a boyfriend who was a super sweet, super funny, all-around nice guy. And I broke up with him. We're too young, I need to work on myself, it's not you, it's me, I said. And I meant it. I had nothing but great things to say about him. And that's why, a few years later, when he contacted me out of the blue and wanted to "grab a drink" after work, I was excited and said sure. But as we sat in a pizza place talking about our jobs, I saw a flash of silver on his hand. On his finger. I think a bite of cheese fell out of my mouth. "Are you married?" I blurted. "Yeah, I am, I was kind of waiting for the right minute to tell you," he said. Approximately three thousand thoughts and emotions flooded my body, including questions like: Why didn't he tell me before he tied the knot? Why did we break up again? Meaning: Why did I break up with him? Why am I so shocked? Why is he so nonchalant? Do I wish I were married to him? Do I wish I still had the chance to be? Why am I still single? Why am I freaking out? Why do I care? That night, instead of answers, I had a few cocktails.

But today, I found myself wondering: How does the most famous almost-bride feel about her almost-groom tying the knot? And what is it about finding out an ex has gotten hitched that can rock your world?

Report: Runaway Bride's Ex-Fiance Marries [USA Today]
'Runaway Bride''s Ex-Fiancé Gets Married [People]

The Wedding Industrial Complex Is Turning Egyptian Men Into Radical Jihadists!

Moe — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 16:30:45 EST

Twentysomething Egyptian men like Ahmed Muhammad Sayyid are turning to hardcore Islam because the job market sucks, upward mobility is a total fraud, taking a blue-collar job would be an embarrassment to the family, and prayer is the only thing that doesn't make guys like him feel like total failures. Not that it really helps that much; Sayyid is still a depressive sometime shut-in who lives with his mom and often skips out on the check at restaurants. Sayyid would like to impose Islamic law upon the people of Egypt namely because he wishes everyone was left with as few options as he has been, and he's pretty average in Egypt, where over the last two decades the population has doubled and the number of mosques has increased twentyfold. "What do you think? Of course I am bored," he tells the New York Times. And to think all that kept him from happy healthy secular life was that he couldn't scrape together enough money to get married.

Like we were looking for another reason to hate on the Wedding Industrial complex!

Anyway I don't say it a lot but: in some ways men also have it rough.

Stifled, Egypt's Young Turn To Islamic Fervor.

Settle For Mr. "Just OK" -- While Your "Marital Value Is Still At Its Peak!"

Moe — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 17:40:00 EST

Why It's OK To Settle For Mr. Good Enough. Sounds like the sorta assertion that might get the readers talking/chatting/generating the old ad revenue, eh? Well that's a story in the latest issue of the Atlantic Monthly by a single mom (Lori Gottlieb, pictured) who dares to advance the iconoclastic argument that Rachel would have been better if she'd just married the orthodontist. I'm not kidding! She ACTUALLY POSES THE QUESTION: "Do we feel confident that she'll be happier with Ross than she would have been had she settled down with Barry, the orthodontist, 10 years earlier? She and Ross have passion but have never had long-term stability, and the fireworks she experiences with him but not with Barry might actually turn out to be a liability, given how many times their relationship has already gone up in flames." Oh, and forget searching for Mr. Big; as Gottleib points out, "Some time after the breakup, when Carrie ran into Aidan on the street, he was carrying his infant in a Baby Björn. Can anyone imagine Mr. Big walking around with a Björn?)

Okay, so far be it from us to dispute a self-help manifesto constructed on the basis of possible alternate conclusions to popular television series, but what's author Lori Gottlieb smoking? Well, she had a kid with an anonymous sperm donor and is 40 and really fucking lonely. Her looks have faded and the men she broke up with in her thirties because they were short/boring/rude to waiters/physically unattractive are looking real good around now. It's sort of refreshing how honest she is, even though hers are thoughts any 28-year-old has already probably had in advance. But then you hit a sentiment like this:

After all, wouldn't it have been wiser to settle for a higher caliber of "not Mr. Right" while my marital value was at its peak?

And think, wait a minute, something's not right with his lady.

At which point you google her, learn that she not only wrote a memoir about how she's a recovering anorexic but now has an author bio page on her website on which all the photos of herself feature her in super "skinny" poses.

See? She's ana. A perfectionist, a number-cruncher, a quantitatively-minded overachiever obsessed with stats. Of course she never managed to find someone to "settle" on before! She's incapable of settling! It's like giving up. Like eating carbs.

Anyway, apologies to Lori, but it was kind of a relief to learn that, at the very least, her problems are different from mine, and probably yours, too. Now leave the office and go get drunkenly knocked up by some stranger before you end up like her!

Marry Him [Atlantic Monthly]