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Dating Guides Are Hell: When Women Are The "Problem"
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SarsDoesntSave
06/30/09

In reply to Dating Guides Are Hell: When Women Are The "Problem"
I actually think "The Rules" offers pretty good advice.

"Be quiet and mysterious"? What's wrong with that? The authors specifically say that this only applies to the first few dates. Keep it light, take it slow, get to know him, and figure out if YOU are really even that into HIM.

The main thesis of the book is "don't settle for someone who isn't crazy about you." I think that's pretty damn good pro-women advice.
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Hana Maru
07/01/09

@SarsDoesntSave: I've read this book, and I agree that there's a lot of good advice in it, but some of the advice is still problematic.

I also think that a lot of the critics miss the point when they say things like "Well I didn't follow the rules and I have a boyfriend" It's a plan for getting an old fashioned husband, not a string of boyfriends.
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TheFormerJuneBronson
06/30/09

In reply to Dating Guides Are Hell: When Women Are The "Problem"
I find these dating guides so confusing. I seem to have been doing everything wrong, and yet here I am, happily married, comfortably upholstered, living on a coast, blissfully ignorant of all of this assvice. Who takes these things seriously? If you haven't met the right person, you haven't met the right person. Have you never seen some of the truly objectionable people who are happily married?
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Hana Maru
06/30/09

In reply to Dating Guides Are Hell: When Women Are The "Problem"
"So what happens when he realizes you don't/can't/won't cook and you haven't used that apron since the second date? Isn't that what people complain about in relationships, that their partner behaves differently from when they met?"

My mom gave me The Rules when I was 13 so I can answer this one: You are never allowed to relax! Not after you get married, not ever! Keep the ruse going, because faking who you are and doing things you don't enjoy is worth the reward of a caveman husband.
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Gumbina80
06/30/09

@Hana Maru: I think The Rules demanded that women wake up an hour before their husbands, so that they could be dressed and fully made up when their husbands woke up.
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Hana Maru
06/30/09

@Gumbina80: See, totally worth it!
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Book Wench
07/01/09

@Hana Maru: I once read the Rules II as I was confused about how they possibly could have left out any stupid from the first book. The second one has a whole chapter dedicated to how you need to mold your sexual needs around his. If he wants it more than you do, buck up and be a good wife-make it fun for him! And if he wants it less then you need, to not complain or ask for it because life will be simpler and everyone will be happy if you just ignore your sexual needs. Umm, seriously?
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Hana Maru
07/01/09

@Book Wench: Oh dear, "everyone will be happy"?
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Hana Maru
06/30/09

In reply to Dating Guides Are Hell: When Women Are The "Problem"
Oh Patti, I've seen your show and that is not what your legs look like.
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mannequin
06/30/09

In reply to Dating Guides Are Hell: When Women Are The "Problem"
One of my best friends has very short hair and she gets more guys than all of us combined. She is also a bit "thick" you could say, but that doesn't stop her. She's all about the attitude and confidence, and that seems to win guys or whatever.

These books are redonkulous.
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Hana Maru
06/30/09

@mannequin: I know men who specifically prefer short hair on women.
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Slovenly Muse
06/30/09

In reply to Dating Guides Are Hell: When Women Are The "Problem"
Wow. That's a lot of evil to cram into those few little books.

This only helps to solidify what I've known for ages: Lesbians WIN at dating guides!
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hydrogen_jukebox
06/30/09

In reply to Dating Guides Are Hell: When Women Are The "Problem"
Patti Stanger makes me want to vomit.

How do people really delude themselves into believing in these disgustingly misguided, antiquated notions?
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radiochief
06/30/09

In reply to Dating Guides Are Hell: When Women Are The "Problem"
What's wrong with you gals?

You don't need a book.

Just be honest and no games.

Good god, makes me wonder how many girls I liked but never dated, due to either me not picking up their signals or their taking advice from some book.
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whynotshesaid
06/30/09

@radiochief: I am pretty sure that the women of Jezebel are not exactly the target demographic for these books. Hence, all of us making fun of them.
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Hana Maru
06/30/09

@radiochief: Uh huh, clearly the problem is with all of us "gals".
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Ellabella
06/30/09

In reply to Dating Guides Are Hell: When Women Are The "Problem"
I think I will write a dating manual. I can't decide if I should call it, "Fuckability Factor," or "Pretend you Know How to Bake a Pie." I also like the more original, "Dot all your I's with Little Hearts."
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TheFormerJuneBronson
06/30/09

@Ellabella: I'll tell you: my two sisters and I all like to bake, and we have found that liking to bake gets you men who want mommies. I feel very fortunate that Mr. JB just happens to like pie. The one before him had issues with my enjoyment of fellatio. Evidently, it's pies or fellatio, not both.
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Tart of Darkness
06/30/09

In reply to Dating Guides Are Hell: When Women Are The "Problem"
Another consideration about these dating guides is that what attracts a man to you initially may not be what makes him want to be in a relationship with him.

I think with these rules you would be attracting a large number of guys who are not keepers anyway.

The best way to attract a partner, companion, husband or even a friend of either sex is to be yourself* and dare to love the people who love you.

*Being yourself includes questioning exactly who that is.
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Tart of Darkness
06/30/09

@Tart of Darkness: URGH. I mean "in a relationship with you." not "him".

I got a complement last night on how well I write and it's gone straight to my fingers.
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Bgirl_Hamster
06/30/09

In reply to Dating Guides Are Hell: When Women Are The "Problem"
I see a shred of truth in Ms. Stanger's statement:

"Jenna is a perfect example of a woman mired in bitterness. She's about twenty pounds overweight and refuses to change her eating habits. "Most men are pigs, because they only focus on the physical.... Until I find him, the rest can go to hell," she says. Guess what? She's never going to find him. He doesn't exist. And even if he did, he would be thrown off by her me-against-the-world attitude."

Since when does a negative, confrontational attitude help anyone (male or female) in the dating world? Weight issues aside, she's got a point about that.
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smopenna
06/30/09

In reply to Dating Guides Are Hell: When Women Are The "Problem"
"Long flowing locks" that can, under no circumstances, be curly, if you ever watch lovely Patti on her Brave tv show.

I had a little meltdown last night thinking about the guy I'm seeing and trying to figure out where I stood with him and what I meant to him and if I could even consider myself his girlfriend...and I got in such head spin of dating rules culture that I couldn't sleep.

Eventually I realized that I had a massive case of birth control pill-induced PMS and I was able to let some of it go, but man. It's all such a mind fuck.
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Hana Maru
06/30/09

@smopenna: My husband always rails against Patti's rules for what men want. They're either against what he finds attractive(curly hair, independence) what his dad finds attractive(short hair on women) or what various men he knows find attractive(all kinds of shit)
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HuckleberryFriend
06/30/09

In reply to Dating Guides Are Hell: When Women Are The "Problem"
I love the idea that all the "overweight and unattractive" women should flee to the hinterlands. See you all in Antarctica!
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SomeAuthorGirl
06/30/09

In reply to Dating Guides Are Hell: When Women Are The "Problem"
Changing the title on my business card to "Boss Lady" is right now immensely appealing.
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whynotshesaid
06/30/09

In reply to Dating Guides Are Hell: When Women Are The "Problem"
I'm reading all of this advice, and the only thing I can think is that if I met a man this stuff actually mattered to, I'd have no desire to date him. I certainly wouldn't put myself through a full-on makeover just to appeal to him, that's for sure.
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