On a Tuesday conference call with the Cruz campaign’s National Prayer Team, Heidi Cruz compared the change Ted Cruz would surely make in the United States to the abolition of slavery. But what has Cruz liberated us from, other than my own sexual desire???
Since the fateful day Ted Cruz announced his now-suspended presidential campaign, his daughters Caroline Cruz, age 7, along with her sister Catherine, 5, have been trotted out regularly, always in matching outfits, in a largely ineffective bid to help their father pretend that he is not the golem of Prague.
Perpetual former candidate for president Ted Cruz ran a very particular kind of campaign. A campaign that some might have called “nauseating” or “hard to watch.” But this evening, no one had a harder time watching than Heidi Cruz—because her husband’s elbow was jammed directly into her face.
With the race for the Republican nomination growing ever more heated and mangled, it’s time to settle a pressing question: is Ted Cruz, Humanoid Ratigan, Texas senator, and GOP presidential candidate actually the Zodiac killer? A Yahoo News reporter turned to Cruz’s wife, Heidi, to address the matter.
At a rally in South Bend, Indiana yesterday, Ted Cruz continued his “I am a human” tour with newfound running mate Carly Fiorina. And as he took to the stage with his companion and progeny, loving, human father Ted Cruz reached down to his daughter, Caroline, to show the cameras just how much he cares. As any rational…
CNN aired its third incredibly, mind-bendingly gentle “Town Hall” Wednesday night. This time it featured Ted Cruz, Creature from the Black Lagoon and GOP presidential candidate, whose long-suffering wife and young daughters (in matching outfits and hair bows) were on hand to distract viewers from Daddy’s medieval…
CNN held a town hall last night for the remaining three GOP candidates, as though you don’t see them in your screeching nightmares every time you close your eyes. In the midst of a fairly friendly interview, Anderson Cooper found time to tell Donald Trump he’s acting like a fucking child.
A few years ago, the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge took the nation’s Facebook timelines by storm, as hundreds of thousands of individuals poured freezing water on their heads lest they be forced to donate money to charity. In August of 2014, current presidential candidate Ted Cruz was one of those challengers. And like…
Donald Trump and Ted Cruz are here to remind you that no, you cannot defeat a fellow candidate for the presidential bid by sticking to political relevancy. These days, you win the general election by being a probable racist, probable sexist whose rhetoric I would kindly describe as “babble-vomit,” or a guy whose most…
In preparation for tonight’s caucuses, Ted Cruz has spent nearly three-quarters of the past month campaigning in Iowa. That means his darling wife, Heidi Cruz, has also had to spend a lot of time in Iowa. And according to a source familiar with the Cruz family, Iowa is Heidi Cruz’s own living hell.
