• Okay, let's start here: Before Madonna, Yankee Alex Rodriguez was into a stripper named Monique. [Page Six]
• Now, amid rumors that A-Rod is seeing Madonna, comes news that A-Rod's wife is seeing Lenny Kravitz — who used to date Madonna. Did you know that Leonard co-wrote "Justify My Love"? In any case, this stuff is messy, messy business. [NY Post]
• Wait, wait. Alex and wife Cynthia have split. They are separated. Is Cynthia on a romantic getaway with Lenny Kravitz? "She is not! I know that," Cynthia's mom says. [Daily News]
• This picture of Angelina Jolie in the hospital window showing off her baby bump is sooo clearly not Angelina Jolie. [Just Jared]
• Angie and Brad want at least $15 million for the first shot of them with the newborns. Duh. [NY Post]

• So these "X-rated" letters that Blake Fielder-Civil wrote to some chick who is not Amy Winehouse are pretty harmless, except when they're not. For instance, in one, he says" "Your[sic] a beautiful girl too Lissy, you have such amazing eyes. I can see me licking all my [deleted] off that hot sexy face." Then he goes on to say "I've told Amy about you… and read a bit of one of your letters, it turns her on and she wants to meet ya." I dunno, I wonder if this chick was writing him pornographic stuff to entrap him? It seems very one-sided. [The Sun]
• Is there Will Smith backlash? Are people trying to tear him down with these random Scientology reports? [LA Times]
• Sean "Diddy" Combs reviews Hancock: "As a black kid, you're like why ain't there black superheroes?… They got dog superheroes… I guess they felt like black people wasn't good enough to be superheroes… Shit is changing…Fuck Batman, Superman, Robin with his bitchass, Underdog and the mutt motherfucker. Hancock bitches. Hancock. I feel proud that my kids can go see a superhero that looks like them." [PaulScheer.com]
• The rumors that Diddy is dating singer Cassie persist. They've been swirling for a while and she turned 21 last year. [Rush & Molloy]
• Rose McGowan's rep says Rose McGowan and Robert Rodriguez are still together – professionally and personally. Plus! Rose will still star in the three movies Rodriguez is working on (Barbarella, Red Sonja and Woman in Chains!). So hmm, where did those reports of their split — and the replacement of Rose with Jessica Alba — come from? [People]
• Michael Lohan is trying to sell his "exclusive story" about fathering Lindsay's secret half sister to the tabloids — because if DNA tests prove he is Ashley Kaufman's dad, he's going to owe a shitload of back child support. Anyway, did you see the kid? Do you think she's a Lohan? [Page Six]
• Shocker: Naomi Campbell threw a tantrum. Although it sounds rather tame. The scene: A party for Jay-Z in London. A partygoer says: "She arrived at the champagne reception and was surprisingly quiet, refusing any alcohol. She looked like she was having a good time and was very calm - until people started to move into the dining area. Naomi clearly thought she would get some dinner, but one of Jay-Z’s people told her she wasn’t invited and couldn’t go in. At first she thought he was joking, but when she realised it was serious she couldn’t believe it. She stormed off screaming and swearing. It was pretty funny to watch." Eh, doesn't sound like she actually threw a fit. In other news, Jay-Z allegedly sent assistants over to get the phone numbers of pretty young ladies at the party. [This Is London]
• Rumer Willis and Brittny Gastineau: Seen vying for Gossip Girl star Chase Crawford's attention. But like, just because he's not into them doesn't mean he's gay, right? [Page Six]
• Forest Whitaker is huge in France. [Page Six]
• Ryan Adams and Mandy Moore are dunzo. He blames the media! "I found the entire speculation and subsequent photographs and intrusions terrifying, and only wish to live as normal a life as possible," he says. Sad face! [Rush & Molloy]
• It's a boy! Matthew McConaughey's unborn surfer will be a dude. [Rush & Molloy]
• The Christie Brinkley divorce trial has begun and Christie says she "heard a lot of new things I didn't know" in the opening and now she needs "some time to let it all absorb." [People]
• Christie's estranged husband hearts online porn. As for the the teenager he was having an affair with, he "showered" her with cash, including a $300,000 "hush money" payout. [Yahoo News]
• The new People magazine cover is a picture of Anne Hathaway with the line: "The Princess & The Con Man." [People]
• Kim Stewart flitted into the VIP area where her "friend" John Mayer was hanging with Jennifer Aniston and Jen had Kim kicked out. Twice. [The Sun]
• As reported in Midweek Madness, Naomi Watts is pregnant. Again. She gave birth 11 months ago. [News.com.au]
• Rapper DMX has been arrested. Again. In Arizona. [Reuters]
• Sarah Larson: Seen having dinner with hot hottie Jason Statham. [Perez Hilton]
• Ben Affleck, Matt Damon and Don Cheadle played a poker game where the cash goes to victims of the humanitarian crisis in the Darfur region of Sudan. [E!]
• Lily Allen might quit making music and to A&R at a record label instead. [The Sun]
• Could Heath Ledger really win an Oscar? [CNN]
• Kylie Minogue got an Order of The British Empire from Prince Charles. She went to Buckingham Palace and everything. [BBC News]
• Jack Wagner visited Heather Locklear in the Arizona facility she's in for anxiety and depression. Just like an episode of Melrose Place. [People]
• Madonna's brother got a job with Janice Dickinson. He's gonna design her bedroom — in the house she shares with models for her show The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency. [E!]
• A former employee is writing an "explosive" book about Miramax, based on files and tapes of Harvey and Bob Weinstein. Did the brothers make shitty movies on purpose? [Page Six]
• OMG Bruce Lee museum. Yes. Yes! [Reuters]

[Hawaii, April 30. Image via x17]

[Beverly Hills, March 23. Image via x17]

*We think those are geraniums.

• Sienna Miller has reportedly finally agreed to marry Rhys Ifans — after he asked a third time. Summer wedding, you guys. With guests like Kate Moss and Keira Knightley! [Mirror]
  
• Is Kimora Lee Simmons knocked up? Sources say she's got a bun in the oven, thanks to Djimon Hounsou. Now we're gonna be hearing about her "fabulosity" fetus for the next 9 months. [Page Six, People]
  
• Someone placed a 911 call claiming Heather Locklear was suicidal; but when cops arrived Heather was fine, never requested medical assistance and did not place the call. WTF. [TMZ, TMZ]
  
• Star Jones and Al Reynolds: It's over! Three and a half years after their sponsored wedding, Al has moved out and Star is planning to divorce him. Anyone surprised? [ONTD, MSNBC]

• The girls from America's Next Top Model are accused of destroying the Tribeca loft they stayed in in New York. The floors are ruined, there's water damage in the bathroom and lipstick on the walls, says a source. Pretty can be ugly! [Page Six]
• Heath Ledger's father says that even though Heath's will was filed before he met Michelle Williams, Michelle and Matilda "will be taken care of." [People]
• A web site called George Clooney "gay, gay, gay." Says George: "No, I'm gay, gay. The third gay - that was pushing it." [People]
• Clooney also commented on that feud with Fabio, admitting Fabio could probably beat him up. [UPI]
• Gwyneth Paltrow got a C tattooed on her hip for her hubby Chris Martin. Or for Coldplay. Or for cookies. [Mirror]
• The Sopranos movie? No. Seriously, no. It's just a rumor. [AP]
• Q-Tip's new album features Barack Obama. Repeat: Q-Tip's new album features Barack Obama?!??!? [Page Six]
• Helena Christensen and Josh Hartnett: Dunzo. [Gatecrasher]
• It's someone's job to touch up the nail polish on Ivanka Trump's wax figure at Madame Tussaud's? Would you include that on your resume? [Gatecrasher]
• Lindsay and Ali Lohan partied in the penthouse of their LL's NYC apartment building, but stayed sober. [Gatecrasher]
• Apparently LL tells Ali to stay away from clubs. [UPI]
• Blind item! "Which skinny-again chart topper has been making multiple bathroom visits with his male friend during late nights at hot spots like Hyde? Apparently it's not just the girls who like diet coke." [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which famous braying crooner went down a line of Playmates and stunning models at a recent film festival, inquiring as to whether or not they'd sleep with him? There were no takers, and one of the models even laughed and called him 'short.'" [Rush & Molloy]
• This video of Britney walking into a bar is kind of sad. See, she literally walks into a metal bar. [TMZ]
• The obsessed fan who's been sending packages two to three times a week to Britney has included sexually explicit notes and a "battery-operated sex toy" in the mailings, gross. [UPI]
• Courtney Love claims she is the victim of identity theft — that con aritsts used Kurt Cobain's name to buy a mansion in New Jersey. [UPI]
• Except the LAPD says "It never happened." [TMZ]
• Matt Damon's wife: Knocked up. This will be the third child for the family. [People]
• Rihanna and Chris Brown: Singing each other's songs at a karaoke club in London. Sweet! [Mirror]
• Jessica Simpson's trip to Kuwait to perform for the troops is costing $150,000 for the plane and $16,000 in hair and makeup. Who's picking up the tab? [MSNBC]
• ABC soap One Life To Live has a storyline that may parallel Jamie Lynn Spears' life: A 16-year-old teenage character will have sex and maybe get knocked up. Juno, what hath ye wrought? [Reuters]
• Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards have reached and agreement in their custody battle. The exes are making nice, awww. [E!]
• Actress Samantha Morton was "close to death" after suffering a secret stroke two years ago. She took an unexplained break from making movies because she was learning to walk again. Jeez. She's fully recovered and gave birth to a second daughter in January. Be well! [Guardian]
• Kathy Griffin became a ordained online so she could officiate in a New York wedding in which the non-religious bride and groom claim laughter is the major factor in their relationship. LOL and congrats! [USA Today]
• Robbie Williams says he wants to study extraterrestrial life, and it's apparently not a joke. [UPI]
• Sound Of Music star Julie Andrews has kept a secret for 58 years: She was the child of an affair. [Telegraph]
• "I'm loath to say anything good about going to boarding school, which is one of the reasons why I'm not a believer in Harry Potter. Because I believe it fetishizes boarding school for children." — Tilda Swinton [Page Six]

• "'Please leave me alone. ... This is a very hard time for me,'" he said as he threw his arms up and wept. WSJ]
  
• Dark Matter, a Meryl Streep movie about an Asian campus shooter delayed following the Virginia Tech killings, is finally set to be released. [WSJ]
  
• We have 11-year-old sex offenders in this country now. [MyFoxDFW]
  
• And Kimora Lee Simmons Barbies. [NY Mag]
  
• What happens when a pharmaceutical sales rep copies and pastes the Match.com profile of a Harper's writer? A somewhat awkward date! [WSJ]
  
• Too. Fucking. Sad. [LA Times]
  
• Oh my GOD and if you think that is bad you won't BELIEVE what's happening to this critical American industry. [NYT]
  
• Hillary and John McCain had a vodka drinking contest with Hillary when the two were in Estonia a few years back but Barry Hussein asked for his shot glasses to be filled with water. Islamofascist! [NY Times]
  

• US Weekly made an awesome slide show of celebrity couples of yore, including that woman Patrick Dempsey married that one time and Tom Cruise and Heather Locklear. [Us]
• "In a rare display of political hypocrisy, a longtime Republican lawmaker has resigned today after child pornography was found on his computer." [Wonkette]
• Whither Texas? Uh... [Slate]
• Barack Obama has a lot of money and John McCain doesn't so John McCain is trying to get Obama to agree to some pinko income distribution scheme that he purportedly agreed to a long time ago. Socialism's a bitch, Barry! [NYT]
• "And no I'm not a regular reader of 'Jezebel.' I got this link from Defamer. I swear." [The Weekly Standard]

*Inspired by Shirley MacLaine's assertion that the best parts for actresses fall into one of the above categories

Kate Hudson in Big Eyes: Hudson plays Margaret Keane, the artist that did all those creepy paintings of women with giant peepers. According to Variety: "The drama covers Keane's personal awakening at the onset of the feminist movement, leading to a lawsuit she filed against her husband, Walter, who claimed credit for her works." Verdict: initially a victim, she eventually triumphs over adversity. Sounds like this one is: ok!

Brittany Murphy in Across the Hall and possibly Poor Things: Across the Hall seems to be based on a short horror film of the same name starring Adrien Grenier, which focuses on a man, his fiancée (Murphy's character) and the man's best friend. Murphy's betrothed claims she's having an affair and brings his bff to come spy on her at a seedy motel. Unclear what happens next (it would likely be a spoiler) but with this limited information it seems like Murphy plays the victim. I imagine that motel room will be caked with her brains at some point before the end of the full length film. Poor Things was originally a Lohan vehicle, but Linds had to pull out because of that whole rehab thingy. Murphy is being considered for the Lohan role — as a female con artist who befriends homeless men and then murders them so the she and her partner can collect the insurance money. The character sounds morally crappy, but is neither hooker, nor victim, nor doormat. Verdict: ok!

Robin Wright Penn, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Monica Bellucci, Winona Ryder, Julianne Moore, all in Pippa Lee: Penn plays a 50-something woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown because her husband leaves her for a young chippy — played by Winona Ryder. Bellucci plays the first wife, Gyllenhaal plays Penn's pill-addled mother in flashbacks, and Julianne Moore plays a lesbian novelist (not really sure how she fits into the plot, but I like the sound of it). Verdict: Robin Wright-Penn — victim/doormat; Winona Ryder — hooker; Monica Bellucci — not enough info to go on, so we're gonna say ok; Maggie Gyllenhaal: victim of own neurosis/pill popping; Moore: ok!

Heather Locklear in Flirting With 40: In this holiday-themed Lifetime made-for-tv movie, Locklear plays a 40-year-old divorcee who meets a much younger man on vacation, and, according to Reuters, "learns that life can begin at 40." Apparently Lifetime execs learned that they can lift an entire plot from How Stella Got Her Groove Back with no apparent repercussions! Though it must be said that Heather Locklear is no Angela Bassett, not by a mile. Verdict: ugh, total victim! If she thought her life was over at 40 she's a damn fool.

WGA Announces Member Meetings For Saturday [Deadline Hollywood Daily]
Kate Hudson To Star In 'Big Eyes' [Variety]
Murphy Enters "Hall"; Eyed For Lohan Role In "Poor" [Reuters]
Four More Booked For 'Pippa Lee' [Hollywood Reporter]
Locklear "Flirting" With Lifetime [Reuters]

We know that it's the season of prints, plaids and polka dots, but Heather Locklear and Molly Sims could do with a reminder that a little goes a long way when it comes to these potent fashion statements. Print halter dress, yes. Print halter with zebra bag, nish nish. Same goes for Molly's mad about dots moment.