Jezebel 
Enter your username and password.
-
posts about #heartache more → 
The Benefits Of A Break-Up Service
New York, 8:08 AM
Thu Nov 12
67 posts in the last 24 hours
Tip your editors:
tips@jezebel.com
Editor-in-Chief:
Anna Holmes
Email | Twitter
Deputy Editor:
Dodai Stewart
Email | Twitter
Senior Contributing Editor:
Tracie Egan
Email | Twitter
Contributing Editors:
Anna North
Email | Twitter
Sadie Stein
Email | Twitter
Reporter:
Irin Carmon
Email
Editorial Assistant:
Margaret Hartmann
Email | Twitter
Contributors:
Jenna Sauers
Email
Rich Juzwiak
Email | Twitter
Lizzie Skurnick
Email
Interns:
Katy Kelleher
Twitter
| posts about #heartache more → |
The Benefits Of A Break-Up Service |
Original material is licensed under a Creative Commons License permitting non-commercial sharing with attribution.
12/05/08
12/05/08
Okay, I'm going to think about other things because now I feel like crying.
12/05/08
12/05/08
12/05/08
To me it felt like it had been a long time in coming. We'd been working on those issues for a long time and it just got harder and harder for me to hold up my end of it. There was absolutely nothing wrong with him as a person--he's sane, smart, financially stable--so it wasn't like I could be like "RAR U SUCK LOL KTHXBAI." It really wasn't him--it was me.
But he still wanted reasons, he felt blindsided, he still wanted to know why I/we/he didn't work harder to fix things. I think every dump-ee feels that way, and it killed me that there was not a thing I could do for him. He's still probably wondering what he did wrong.
Yikes, sorry for the novel. Breakups suck no matter who does the breaking-up.
12/05/08
12/05/08
12/05/08
12/05/08
@sarah.of.a.lesser.god (subservient to the ovumlord): oh, my. I'm so sorry to hear that. Virtual shoulders are abundant here if you need them!
12/05/08
Mine would have been:
I hate your insensitivity, porn collection and mommy issues. You're also a selfish rat bastard.
Now, you...
12/05/08
12/05/08
Of course, this was three years ago and we got back together soon after. He's much better now... I think mostly because I actually said this stuff to him!
12/05/08
I hate that you have a twelve year-old's mentality, that you've made me your mommy, that you leave shit streaks on the edge of the toilet bowl, and that you're unaffectionate, distant, and kind of a prick. I also hate that I had to support you for a few months after you quit your job because you didn't like it.
12/05/08
Telegram would have said, "You served your purpose."
12/05/08
12/05/08
12/05/08
I like.
12/05/08
Oh man it felt good to say that!
12/05/08
12/05/08
ahh, mine would say:
we dated for 8 months and i haven't met your parents even though you live with them. I hate that you tell me i would be cute if i had longer hair and lost 30 pounds. You would be cuter if you had a 8 inch cock. I'm cheating on you.
12/05/08
12/05/08
12/05/08
Seriously, I'm looking at all of these and realizing that a lot of times selfishness is the big dick that ultimately fucks up most relationships.
12/05/08
12/05/08
12/05/08
You can find me at www.hahafuckyou.com
12/05/08
We could start here: @sarah.of.a.lesser.god (subservient to the ovumlord)
12/05/08
Sarah, send us an address, girl. I've got a bad attitude and a bottle of ex-lax.
12/05/08
12/05/08
Of course, I never had the nerve (or the time, or a big enough mixing bowl) to actually do it.
12/05/08
But deliver a nasty surprise to the deserving? You motherfuckingbetcha.
12/05/08
12/05/08
12/05/08
(I also can be the bookkeeper) :)
12/05/08
Of course, the twins were just cute, and not so poetic.
12/05/08
perhaps there should be bonus points for honesty. you have the option to say "it's not you, it's me" and perhaps add to it so it reads
"it's not you, it's me, and i'm a horrible terrible human being because i've been
a. f*cking someone else behind your back b/c i do not deserve to live
and like
a. bigger t*ts
b. big dicks
c. someone who makes more money
d. fillintheblank physical attributes that you never possessed in the first place
and my parents should be ashamed of me".
y'know, something like that!
12/05/08
A) they work too much and will never make you a priority.
B) they're emotionally unstable and expect you to provide stability that they can't create for themselves.
C) their family is nuts and ruining your life.
D) the sex is terrible.
E) all of the above.
12/05/08
12/05/08
12/05/08
Yeah, this post actually has me in tears, coming two-and-a-half days on the heels of being dumped. (62 hours, but who's counting?)
This service should exist. With really, really hot guys so you can immediately have rebound sex. Why couldn't Jake Gyllenhaal have delivered my break-up?
12/05/08
12/05/08
12/05/08
12/05/08
12/05/08
12/05/08
12/05/08
12/05/08
*hugs*
12/05/08
12/05/08
12/05/08
@BrutallyHonestBabes: His orange tie would be first to go!
@BlowJoy: @jigglyball: @labeled: @Annabellie: @emilyanne: Major thanks for the support. Srsly. It means a lot.
12/05/08
I hope he will feel the wrath of the Feminazi Bone-Killer Squad, soon to be on his tail. Seriously.
I hope you're doing okay,though, and that you have support from all sides. We're all here with you, even if we can't be by your side. Hugs all around.
12/05/08
BHB said she was starting a revenge of the dumped business, so if you need any flaming bags of poo flung, or scandalous photoshopped incriminating pix spread over the interwebs, you can reach me here at Jezebel.
12/05/08
12/05/08
12/05/08
12/05/08
12/05/08
12/05/08
12/05/08
12/05/08
12/05/08
12/05/08
12/05/08
Or perhaps the heat of my wrath will keep me warm.
12/05/08
@girlontop: You get to use my service as well (see comment below). I'm free of charge to Jezzies!!
12/05/08
12/05/08
...I sat with a close friend for three hours on the steps of her back porch discussing whether or not she should divorce her husband - and why. It may have been the roughest night we all went through. (later found out that YES, he is an asshole and YES, she is better off - cheating asshole waste of space)
So, I'm not all for the internet hugs, I like the real, down and dirty, making people feel better kinda tactic. So, please look at this and tell me if it would make you feel better.
[www.lushusa.com]
[www.lushusa.com]
[www.lushusa.com]
12/05/08
12/05/08
thank you for the support. It really does make a HUGE difference.
And Sukie in the Graveyard, I am smiling now because one of my best friends told me she sent me a care package from lush, so great minds must think alike.
12/05/08
And that you are going to be well taken care of.
...that makes me feel better :)
12/05/08
12/05/08
12/05/08
12/05/08
But cool commercial.
12/05/08
12/05/08
12/05/08
@NefariousNewt: I must admit you have the beginnings of a profitable( and kind) business. When you go to deliver the breakup, you should bring something the dumpee really likes. Like, "Chris told me you like chocolate cheesecake." Something so they will have a smoother evening.
12/05/08
12/05/08
12/05/08
12/05/08
12/05/08