Blakeley's article is based on the claim that women are buying the lion's share of self-help books. 74% of relationship and family books in 2008 were apparently purchased by women, and the Times' latest paperback advice bestseller list is certainly packed with titles targeting women (Hungry Girl 200 Under 200, Skinny Bitch, and How Not To Look Old are a few standouts). Interestingly, the hardcover advice list appears more diverse. True, Steve Harvey's Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man comes in at #2, but the top 10 also includes such gender-neutral titles as The Last Lecture, The Total Money Makeover, and office-politics guide Thank God It's Monday! This leads us to suspect that while some of the big-splash hardcovers of the self-help genre may appeal to both genders, publishers are making a lot of their money on paperback copies of the Same Old Shit — variants on How Not to Be Fat, Old, Or Alone, marketed to women.

Responses to — and explanations for — this gender disparity vary. Macy Halford of Book Bench is right to ridicule the advice of self-help author Scott Kudia, quoted in Forbes: "Tell him if he reads the book and discusses it with you, you'll buy him a trip to Vegas or dress up like Little Bo Peep." She doesn't mention this little anecdote, though:

Brooklyn blogger [Christina] Frank writes that she occasionally left save-your-marriage books on her husband's bedside table, but to no avail. "He said he'd get to it just as soon as he was done with Remembrance of Things Past."

Frank's ex-husband may have been especially literary-minded, but we're not convinced that the reason more women than men buy self-help books is because guys are too busy reading Proust. Nor do we buy the hypothesis of executive coach Olivia Fox Cabane, who says,

While prehistoric men were out hunting, the women were being engineered to focus on social ties for survival. Therefore, a book that can give women a competitive social edge, such as bagging the right guy, understanding her teen, sharpening her gossiping skills or learning to differentiate between friend and frenemy, would be eagerly sought out by them

Among evolutionary explanations for modern phenomena — already a pretty suspect group — the idea that women have been "engineered" to buy He's Just Not That Into You is especially reductive and silly. It requires us to believe that hunting isn't social, that women didn't hunt, that what men and women may or may not have done in prehistory determines what we do now (the biggest and dumbest assumption of a lot of evolutionary psychology), that human social life can be understood in terms of "competitive social edge," and that self-help books could actually give a woman such an edge. In reality, lots of self-help books play on — and perpetuate — low self-esteem (something gender studies expert BJ Gallagher erroneously tells Forbes is the province of women), and aren't likely to give anyone any kind of "edge" at all.

But one explanation Blakeley cites for the popularity of self-help books among women is actually spot-on. Psychotherapist Jonathan Alpert says,

Society is set up for women to be passive. [...] It's the men that traditionally propose marriage. Imagine if it was the woman who proposed, you'd see a whole slew of books like How to Get Your Lady to Pop the Question.

Alpert's statement implies a corollary: Society is set up for women to be passive, and it requires women to get married in order to be deemed successful. Thus it expects something of women while denying them actual control over it — basically, women are supposed to wait around for this socially-constructed metric of personal success to just happen to them. It's no wonder that women seek ways to gain some control over the situation — and self-help books, with their promises of "bagging the right guy," offer that control.

But these offers are illusory. First of all, relationships are nowhere near as easy to control as self-help books suggest (The Man Plan, which tells women that they just need to be perfectly groomed and no one will ever break up with them, is a prime example of this). Second, the real way for women to take control of their lives isn't to try to achieve a socially-constructed definition of a perfect female life — it's to define and seek an ideal life for themselves.

As self-actualization-focused as self-help books claim to be, these books are necessarily generalized, and they're generalized in a way that usually conforms to established social norms. Take Forbes's list of titles: "Women Who Love Too Much; Men Like Women Who Like Themselves; Smart Women, Foolish Choices; Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them; He's Just Not That Into You." All these titles imply that what's most important to women is men, and if a woman has no man, or the wrong man, she's probably screwing something up. It's not that all self-help authors are malevolent misogynists — it's just that it's not really possible to write a book called How To Figure Out What's Exactly Right For Your Unique, Individual Life, And Then Do That. People have to do that on their own.

Your Unique, Individual Life may include marriage, and you may even be making Foolish Choices that keep you from that goal, if in fact it is your goal. But assuming that it has to be your goal, and that you have to wait around for a man to make it happen, just reinforces the confining stereotypes that keep self-help authors in business. If women really want to take control of their lives, they'll stop buying He's Just Not That Into You, and start defining success — personal and professional — for themselves.

Self-Help Books: Why Women Can't Stop Reading Them... [Forbes]
Help This [New Yorker Book Bench]

As you'll recall, He's Just Not That Into You — aggressively marketed toward women and released right around the advertising-driven fauxliday known as Valentine's Day — made upwards of $94 million. So the executives at New Line decided to milk the conceit — chicks love love, after all — and greenlight another film devised to separate women from their money by slapping some big-name celebs (Julia Roberts, Anne Hathaway, Jennifer Garner, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Bradley Cooper and Shirley MacLaine) on a story that supposedly tugs at the heart.

On March 11, before I'd read the script for Valentine's Day, I wrote:

I can already guess that one woman, who you think will stay single, will suddenly find a date; one woman, who you think will have a date, will suddenly be single; and one couple will remain together despite going through a dilemma that should tear them apart.

I was right!

Truthfully, VD is not terrible. But: It's not sweepingly epic enough to be truly romantic, and there aren't tons of jokes, so, much like He's Just Not That Into You, it's technically not a romcom. They are similar in that the movie consists of supershort scenes from each of the ensemble cast's day; a device successful in Love, Actually but more shallow and less charming here. The script is written by Katherine Fugate, whose TV credits include Army Wives, and Xena: Warrior Princess.

The entire movie takes place in one day, and follows different people — a teenage girl intent on losing her virginity; a 30something guy who's just proposed; 20-something coworkers who've just hooked up; a still-blissfully-in-love couple in their 70s, among others — and shows what happens to them on the magical day known as Valentine's Day.

Explains one character — the guy who's just gotten engaged: "Today I can be the kind of cheeseball who tells random people at the ATM about it because it's Valentine's Day and people are all about love today." (This statement is uttered while driving in a van, and immediately after, a "road rager" yells, "Will you use your freakin turn signal you freaking pansy?" Hence: "Comedy.")

Other problems: There's a kid whose character seems so similar to the little boy in Love, Actually, that it was distracting. The guy who's just gotten engaged works at a flower shop, where all of the employees underneath him seem to be extremely stereotypical Latino clichés. One character, a reporter, goes around interviewing people about Valentine's Day, and encounters an 18-year-old girl identified in the script only as a "petite round CHOLA." She, naturally, has liquid liner and utters these words:

CHOLA:
I was hot like jalapena, sexing him
up whenever he wanted. I would
have done anything for that vato,
but still he whored around.

When I read these words, I cringed. Are there Mexican-American girls in L.A. who talk like this? Maybe. But does Hollywood have to perpetuate this cliché on screen?

It was also pretty depressing to read the successful, single woman in the script say:

I haven't had a date on Valentine's
day in almost 10 years. I mean -
it's mostly by choice. I put all
my energy into this job, into
taking care of my clients - and I
know I don't put myself out there
at all - but still - 10 years.
Isn't that pathetic?

The thing that I hate most about
this day - honestly - is that I'm
embarrassed. I'm embarrassed that
it makes me feel as bad about being
alone as it does.

I mean, the character has a point, and these feelings are valid — but isn't naming your script Valentine's Day and releasing it in time for Valentine's Day — and making it a "romcom" in which everybody has happy endings just compounding the issue? What if Valentine's Day were about a band of single women who tried to take down the commercial holiday through renegade street art and guerilla acts of crafty drugstore terrorism? Hmm?

To its credit, VD has (gasp!) a black character in it. Not just a black person, a BLACK MAN. And unlike HJNTIY, there's a nice range of ages, proving that life after 30 exists. In addition, whichever comic moments seem a little flat on the page may be energized with some great direction and acting.

That said, the script was incredibly predictable — considering I called most of the plot "twists" before I'd even read it. True, this is a draft. Things change. But even more frustrating is the notion that because I'm a woman, this is what I want for Valentine's Day.

Earlier: Valentine's Day: What He's Just Not That Into You Hath Wrought

The executives at New Line Cinema can't wait to take more hard-earned cash from women who don't care about storyline and just want to see something about dating and love — again!

That's why there is a project in the works called Valentine's Day. It will hit theaters right before — wait for it — Valentine's Day, 2010. The plot? The plot is iffy. Something about "would-be romantics working their way through a tangle of circumstances in L.A." But that doesn't matter, because Julia Roberts, Anne Hathaway, Jennifer Garner, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel and Shirley MacLaine will be in it. And Bradley Cooper. New Line will come up with a way to work a story around these people, since all that matters is that there's money to be made. Apparently, He's Just Not That Into You proved that women want to go see "romantic" movies — with other women or a date — right around Valentine's Day.

I have nothing against romance, comedies, or romcoms. I love stuff like When Harry Met Sally, Flirting, and Amelie — thoughtful films with strong writing and characters who are forces of nature. But He's Just Not That Into You — a movie based on a self-help book based on a catchphrase from a TV show — lacked substance and soul; the characters might have well have been cardboard cut-outs with labels like "The Optimist" or "The Seductress" taped to them. And for every bad review, there was a person who said, "I'm gonna see it anyway." Now the studio has 94 million reasons to pull that shit again.

As I wrote earlier this year, when you go see a movie like He's Just Not That Into You, you're casting a vote, telling Hollywood you want more flicks in the same vein. And this is what HJNTIY's box office bonanza hath wrought: Valentine's Day. As a former screenwriting major, it is painful to read that this project is being dictated by a calendar date — along with a cast and director (Garry Marshall) — and not by an actual story someone was inspired to write.

Who knows? Maybe there will be some surprises! Maybe they'll change the title to Single Awareness Day. Maybe some great writer (writers, plural, probably) will be hired by the studio to come up with a perfectly charming Valentine's Day tale. (I can already guess that one woman, who you think will stay single, will suddenly find a date; one woman, who you think will have a date, will suddenly be single; and one couple will remain together despite going through a dilemma that should tear them apart.) But for now, I'm already announcing that I'm just not that into it.

Hollywood Has Feb. 14 Circled in Red [NY Times]

Earlier: Liveblogging He's Just Not That Into You
Cliché-Laden Chick Flick Tries To Convince You It's Not Full Of Clichés
He's Just Not That Into You: Gay Minstrel Show?
More Reasons Not To Get Into He's Just Not That Into You
He's Just Not That Into You - First Review
There's No Way You'll Be Into He's Just Not That Into You

[Sydney, February 9. Image via Getty]

• The 51st Annual Grammy Awards begin at 8pm tonight. Among those set to perform: Kanye West, Jennifer Hudson, Justin Timberlake, M.I.A, Radiohead, u2, and many more. And the show is "only" 3.5 hours long. [MTV]

• Whitney Houston looked "glamorous" and "triumphant" as she performed at a pre-Grammy party hosted by Clive Davis. "She was on it, she was happy - she's back," said Jamie Foxx, who was in attendance, "Everybody else watch out."[Yahoo]
• Meanwhile, Usher had to cancel his appearance at the same party, due to a "serious illness in the family." Though reports are unconfirmed, Access Hollywood is reporting that his wife, Tameka Foster, has suffered complications from cosmetic surgery. Good thoughts to Usher and his family! [Yahoo]
• In happier news, Blink 182 fans have a reason the celebrate: the band is reportedly getting back together to record a new album, and will be reuniting as presenters at tonight's Grammy ceremony. [MTV]
• Kristy Swanson and Lloyd Eisler, who met on the set of Skating With Celebrities, were married on Saturday. "We're excited about the future," Eisler says, "Kristy is getting back into acting and I'm building my coaching career. Hopefully everything will work out." [People]
• "‘I like looking nice, but I always put comfort over fashion. I don't find thin girls attractive; be happy and healthy. I've never had a problem with the way I look. I'd rather have lunch with my friends than go to a gym."-Adele [DailyMail]
• Grey's Anatomy star Chyler Leigh claims she's planning on naming her baby "Aniston." This is one time when being Team Jolie is probably the better option, no?[USMagazine]
• Kate Moss is reportedly trying to kick her smoking habit: "Kate's worried about getting wrinkle lines and she's so determined to kick the habit she has banned all her friends from smoking anywhere near her," says a source. [ShowbizSpy]
• Uh oh- is GOOP a total rip off? Dragonfly Wellness founder Mary Kate Hearon says yes. On her Facebook page, Hearon claims that she had a friend send Gwyneth her newsletter, The Weekly Beet, but when the two met, Paltrow was "was sooooooo nasty to me, it was scandalous! [Husband] Chris [Martin], the utmost gentleman, stood to shake my hand, but she smirked and was silent when I asked how her dinner was . . . I never thought in a million years she'd . . . create her own site very similar to The Weekly Beet . . . [Goop has] the therapies I've tried, the foods I love, the detoxes that work! A lot of the same stuff!"" Paltrow's reps deny the allegations. [PageSix]
• "Being in love makes you happy. Definitely. I deeply, deeply care about John [Mayer]. We talk, we adore one another. And that's where it is. Do I want to have children? I do, and I will. The women who inspire me are the ones who have families and children. Why would I want to limit myself? I want to have it all."-Jennifer Aniston [ShowbizSpy]
• Peaches Geldof and her husband, Max Drummey, have split after 6 months of marriage. [TheSun]
• What's the first thing Drew Barrymore does after a breakup? "Head straight for the carbs. Macaroni and cheese. Kraft. Deluxe. The kind with the cheese you squeeze out of a bag that takes at least a month to pass through your body."[JustJared]
• Artist Shepard Fairey, perhaps best known for his iconic Obama campaign posters, was arrested in Boston for "tagging property." [MSNBC]
• After 15 months in court, Eddie Murphy has agreed to pay roughly 10 million dollars in child support to "Scary Spice" Mel B, as well as visit the daughter he now accepts as his own, Angel Iris. [DailyMail]
• Dave Grohl has come out in support of gay marriage: "Anybody know about whiteknot.org?" Grohl asked on the red carpet of Friday's MusiCares benefit, "You know what that's about? It's I believe in love and I believe in equality and I believe in marriage equality."[E!]
• Director McG has spoken up about the Christian Bale trainwreck: "The film set is a passionate place, and it happens," McG says, "There was no version of, 'Oh, Christian is going to whip his ass.' It was just sort of a blowup. We let it run its course, and it did. You obviously only get to hear the explicit parts." [People]
• Apparently Dodai didn't suffer alone at the movies on Friday: He's Just Not That Into You led the Friday box office with 10.6 million dollars. [EW]
• "(Young women) look at all of us, myself included, on these magazine covers and they think, "My God, how does she get skin like that?" And I can tell you, I have so many blemishes under this make-up that have been so fabulously covered, I promise you. I did realise a few years ago that no one actually talks about this retouching thing. It's like a secret or something. I'm damned if it's going to be a secret any more. I really want these young women to know we don't look like this."-Kate Winslet [DailyMail]
• Angelina Jolie says that raising her kids is so time-consuming that she barely has time to get dressed. "We are having such a wonderful time raising our children together and there is a lot of love in our home. I feel very lucky," Jolie says, though the craziness of raising so many kids means she's "been home for the last year so I spend a lot of time just watching TV and I tend to be in pajamas." That's what I'm doing RIGHT NOW! Except for the kids part. But still, you guys. Clearly I am just like Angelina Jolie. I wonder if she eats Eggo waffles for breakfast, too? [ShowbizSpy]

"I didn't know it was a book," Jen admitted. And when Jay read some chapters titles, like, "He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Asking You Out," Jen said,"I don't agree with that… Aren't men shy? Sometimes?" As for "He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Calling You," Jen seemed confused. "For how long? I don't know… I disagree with that too." Suddenly, it became very easy to picture her in a dysfunctional relationship with John "The Player" Mayer. Clip above.

Not to mention the very notion that women need self-help books, but men should just go ahead behaving as usual. Then there's the idea that all of these big-name stars would glom on to a film in which women are portrayed as idiots. But somehow Anna thought it would be a good idea (i.e. she made me), and I am here, in a cineplex in downtown Manhattan, watching He's Just Not That Into You.

Ed. note: The liveblog itself will start at around 10 after the hour; in the meantime, feel free to start perusing the plethora of reviews that came out today: here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.

• • • • •

3:14: Okay I am here. An old lady just said, "What movie is this?" And a young 20-something woman said, "I'm hoping it's He's Just Not That Into You and I had to stop myself from groaning.

3:15: There are actually quite a few people here. I'd say the theater is two thirds full. Unemployment? The draw of Barrymore?

3:18: More people keep arriving! IT MIGHT FILL UP IN HERE. I am alarmed.

3:21: LOL - a guy walked in wearing a hood half on his head. He's just not that incognito!

3:28: A preview for a flick with Beyonce and Ali Larter looks like Fatal Attraction meets Bring It On.

3:31: Sandra Bullock has a new romcom and she has a blonde, choppy do and red vinyl boots in the trailer.

3:34: There's also a preview for a Matthew McConaughey flick. It's Ghosts of Girlfriends Past or some shit.

3:35: Oh, Jen Garner is in it. Audience giggled.

3:36: HARRY POTTER PREVIEW.

3:37: Ok ok ok it's starting.

3:40: The infamous playground scene. "A girl will never forget the first boy she likes," says the narrator as the little girl gets pushed down and insulted by a little boy. Then a woman says, "He did that because he likes you." And... we're off!

3:43: Ginnifer Goodwin is on a date with Kevin Connolly. He's all, "It was really nice meeting you."

Then he calls some other chick (ScarJo).

3:43: ScarJo, meanwhile, meets Bradley Cooper in a mini mart. I think ScarJo has super elaborate extensions.

3:44: Okay, so Kevin Connolly and Justin Long are roomies. Kevin is totes hung up on ScarJo.

3:46: She sends him straight to voicemail cuz she's flirting with Bradley Cooper. BUT he just told ScarJo he is married.

3:47: She's like, "just give me your card" because she's a struggling singer [in real life AND on screen! -Ed.] and he's in the music biz or some shit.

Okay, Bradley Cooper is friends with Affleck. Affleck is living with Aniston.

3:49: Aniston: "You don't ever feel like we're going against nature by not getting married?"

Affleck: "I love you. I'm committed to you. Why can't we just have a great life and be happy?"

3:50: Aniston: "You're right." (Looks miserable)

So, Ginnifer Goodwin lives with Jennifer Connelly.

3:52: They're wondering why Kevin Connolly hasn't called and Jennifer is like, "He'll call." BUT WE KNOW HE WON'T.

3:54: Okay, there is this HORRIBLE skit with an unknown, unnamed woman who is all, "Like, who invented caller ID? I reserve the right to call in 15 minute intervals without him knowing it's me because then I look like a psycho. Which I'm not!"

3:55: Ginnifer Goodwin's character is going off the rails. She called him and left him an awkward message.

Now she's gonna do a drive-by.

3:56: Baltimore is 60% black right? Everyone so far is white.

3:59: Okay so Ginnifer is at the bar where she thought she'd see Kevin, and Justin Long is the bartender and he is breaking it down: He's never going to call you.

4:00: He says if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, he genuinely doesn't give a shit!

Ginnifer says "thank you."

4:03: She goes into work the next day and tells Aniston and Jen Connelly her new revelation: That you always hear stories about women where things work out but these women are the exception, not the rule.

Now Drew Barrymore and ScarJo are having pedicures. [Of course they are. -Ed.]

4:05: Drew says, "What if you meet the love of your life but you've already married someone else? Are you supposed to let true love pass you by?" ScarJo says "You're right. I'm gonna call him."

4:07: He's all, "I can't. I'm married." So she visits Kevin Connolly instead.

I'm bored.

4:08: Now Aniston says to Affleck: "I want you to stop being nice to me unless you're gonna marry me."

He's like, "I just don't believe in marriage!"

Their apartment is pretty nice.

4:09: BLACK LADIES ON BENCH ALERT!

4:10: It's a skit like the other one.

4:11: Frangela are pretty funny and people are laughing but it's soooooo SASSY and obviously thrown in for - heh - color.

They're the only black people in this movie but you get the sense you will never see them again.

4:13: Their whole spiel is about being dumped. How many times they've been dumped, the 20 lbs they gained after getting dumped. I'm already sick of this shit.

4:16: Ginnifer just had the scene in which she's like, "Are you calling me or am I calling you... or whatever."

Drew Barrymore's gay friends just talked about MySpace.

4:17: The Asian American one said, "Oooooh, guuuurlll."

4:18: Bridesmaid scene!!! Jen Aniston is a bridesmaid in her little sister's wedding. Irony!

4:19: Did I mention that the person Bradley Cooper is married to is Jen Connelly?

Every scene in this film is like 1.5 minutes. It's jarring.

4:21: Brad Cooper to ScarJo: You're hot.

4:24: A black guy was just made a laughing stock of, for no reason, he works at the bar but has no name or point in the plot.

4:26: ScarJo is a yoga instructor and Brad Cooper is taking her class. She says, "Wanna swim?" Then they have a poolside flirt session. She says he has an ass that makes her wanna dry-hump.

He says, I think I just fell in love!

4:27: She goes in pool topless but doesn't show nips.

4:30: I just realized that I don't care about any of these people.

4:31: Holy shit, Justin Long is making out with a black woman.

4:32: But he stopped to answer a call from Ginnifer Goodwin.

4:33: Justin Long is the Yoda of this movie, the all-knowing guru of dating. Keep in mind he also said he stopped seeing some girl because he saw how big her ass was in the daylight.

Ben Affleck, inexplicably, has a sailboat.

4:39: So, Ginnifer and Justin are drinking together and he's analyzing couples: he knows all kinds of stuff. He tells Ginnifer that women love drama, waiting till the last minute, pacing, freaking out. He also says, "I like you."

She says, "You do?"

And the audience goes, "Awwwww."

4:41: And he goes, "Don't go doodling my name on your binder. I like you like a Basset hound because you're kinda pathetic."

4:44: So, Jennifer Connelly had a scene with that Latino guy who is always on I Love the 80s, and he was funny because people of color are THE ONLY COMIC RELIEF this film knows.

4:45: Kevin Connolly got told by some gays that "gay signals are totally different from straight signals."

4:47: ScarJo and BradCo are like, in love. He's maybe gonna leave his wife for her.

Drew and ScarJo are in the drugstore and there are black people in the aisles!

4:50: Ginnifer Goodwin has realized that Justin Long is Watts from Some Kind of Wonderful.

4:51: HE'S INTO HER. She and Jen Connelly hug. This is a "highlight."

4:54: Now Connelly is saying she doesn't like laminate flooring because "It's a lie. It's pretending to be wood." She is dead serious. Meanwhile... her HAIR IS IN PIGTAILS.

4:55: BradCo has just told her he slept with another woman.

4:56: DID I MENTION THAT I'M BORED?

4:57: Jennifer Aniston is in the wedding of her sister. She is forced to walk down the aisle with a Labrador.

4:58: At the reception she is seated next to a guy who is Wiccan.

5:00: Moving on! Ginnifer is at Justin Long's party and boy, are there a lot of ladies there. Plus Barrymore's gays.

5:03: After the party, Ginnifer jumps Justin.

5:05: ...but he's like, "If a guy wants to date you, he will make it happen. Did I ask you out? Why do women do this? It's insane!"

She's all teary.

5:07: She says, "I may do a lot of stupid shit but I'm a lot closer to finding someone than you are!" and exits all triumphantly.

5:08: Meanwhile, Aniston's dad had some kind of heart attack or something at the wedding... is it midnight yet?

5:10: Connelly is blaming her self for her bad marriage. "We don't have sex anymore," she weeps, then talks about bathroom tile. SELF ABSORPTION IS THE NEW BLACK.

5:13: ScarJo and BradCo are gonna do it on the desk in his office when, who should knock? His wife! Jennifer Connelly! ScarJo gets shoved in the closet. Jennifer starts getting undressed to seduce him.

5:14: "Do you want to save our marriage?" she asks. "Of course," he says. They kiss. I barf.

5:16: Back at the bar, Justin Long is distracted. His coworker, Busy Phillips, guesses: He's into a girl!

5:18: At the office, Jennifer Connelly leaves and ScarJo comes out of the closet, disgusted. "You will never touch me again!!!!"

5:19: She goes and sleeps with Kevin Connolly, who is thrilled. She's not.

5:20: Ben Affleck showed up, surprising Aniston. She is touched.

5:24: Jennifer Connelly just had a meltdown after finding cigarettes in BradCo's clothes; she shouted, "LYING SACK OF SHIT!" and broke a really nice mirror. Then got a broom.

Her house is so nice. Everyone has so much money, yet never seems to work!

5:26: Now Jen Aniston is on Affleck's boat; she's saying, "You're more of a husband to me not being married than some of those other husbands will ever be..."

She is kissing the lips J. Lo kissed.

5:29: Kevin Connolly wants to move in with his "girlfriend," ScarJo. She is like, "I can't do this." SHE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU, ERIC FROM ENTOURAGE!

5:31: BradCo has come home to see that all his stuff is packed up and there's a note from Jennifer Connelly that says "I want a divorce."

Ed Note: Can this movie end already? I'm sick of typing.

5:32: Justin Long has visited Ginnifer. He can't stop thinking about her.

"When I was hurling my body onto yours, you did not seem to want to be with me," she counters.

5:34: He says something about how he spent so much time being the one in control he forgot how it felt to fall for someone.

5:35: They kiss. Duh.

5:36: It seems absolutely UNBELIEVABLE that this movie is not over. But no. Drew Barrymore and Kevin Connolly are meeting cute at a sidewalk cafe.

AND, BECAUSE HOLLYWOOD IS FULL OF SPINELESS JELLYFISH

Affleck just proposed to Aniston.

5:37: I just heard sixty women go "awwwww".

5:38: Except the narrator goes "maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy."

5:40: Okay it's over.

Affleck & Aniston got married on the sailboat. Of course.

5:43: Thank Zeus I have tickets to Coraline later, to wipe that from my brain!

There's not much here for men, or, for that matter, women who understand that the complexity of human relationships doesn't reduce to catchphrases… All of this results in way too much relationship chatter and not nearly enough comedy, romance or even dysfunctional relationships. We want to laugh — but at what?… The film seems more like a two-hour pitch for a TV series than a coherent movie. Resolutions of all the stories feel forced, as if someone finally looked at the clock.

Here's my message to everyone who says "eh, I'm going to see it anyway." Every ticket you buy is a ballot, and you are voting for the kinds of movies you want to see more of. Hollywood is not a democracy, but it does follow a money trail. When you go see shitty chick flicks, you are giving Hollywood the green light to make more shitty chick flicks. Making movies is a business. If no one went to see crappy movies targeted to women, that would be bad business. But since people — women — flock to poorly made, cliché-filled chick flicks, they continue to flood the market. We have stuff like New In Town and Bride Wars. Plus, there will be a Sex And The City sequel, just like there will be a sequel to Paul Blart: Mall Cop. The films made money.

He's Just Not That Into You is based on a self-help book, and its success (or failure) may affect the fate of another book being turned into a film: French Women Don't Get Fat. Just what we need to follow up a flick about desperate, clueless women: diet advice! HJNTITY seems to revel in its mockery of the female psyche and clichéd quirky/sassy/sardonic best friends of color; is paying $12 to support the concept, the book, the film and its stars really worth it?

Not Much To Get "Into" In Ensemble Romantic Comedy [Reuters/Hollywood Reporter]

Earlier: Cliché-Laden Chick Flick Tries To Convince You It's Not Full Of Clichés
Shoes, Self-Help & Catfights: What Women Want In Movies
Must Female Movie & TV Characters Always Have Men On The Mind?
Where The Hell Are The Strong Women?
Women In Hollywood Speak Out On Women In Hollywood
Does The Female "Buddy" Movie Exist?
Dude Says "We Don't Need More Female Superheroes," I Say Bullshit
Coming Soon: 2008, The Summer Of The Dick Flick

The Good:
The bodice of Drew's dress actually projects about seven inches. And yes, that's an awesome thing!


How amazing does Ginnifer Goodwin look in this sunny saffron? Too bad she seems to play a total sad-sack...


This is probably as comfortable as we've ever seen Jenna Fischer look on the red carpet.


Jennifer Aniston's at her best when she does California cool; this sophisticated spin is sexy without trying too hard.


A touch of 40's sass helps Sasha Alexander pull this bold number off. And yes, it's got a low back!


So what if ra-ra dresses aren't exactly revelatory anymore? Giuliana DePandi's tights and shoes feel fresh.


The Bad:
Oh dear. Jennifer Connelly's sad community theatre Tinkerbell costume is too short, super unflattering, and did we mention...ugly?


Jacqueline MacInnes Wood's droopy getup reflects the ignominy of standing in front of a wall that reminds it "He's Just Not That Into You!" any time it starts to feel better about itself.


Kaley Cuoco: takes sack, applies rope.


Scarlett may take her name from Gone With The Wind; that doesn't mean she should be wearing gowns made of drapes.

[Images via Getty]

"No one has anything to distract them from the minutiae of their love lives, which they proceed to incinerate through overanalysis. It's a moral fable, maybe, if you make half a million a year." [Variety]

Writes LaToya Peterson from Racialicious:

We’re [black people] always the punchline, never the bride. (Or the girl who goes on a date. Or anything but the sassy friend who shows up to give the real characters a dose of real-world truisms before disappearing back into the shadows of the script.)

Of course, watching the online trailer (in which the two black women mysteriously do not appear), Drew Barrymore does have two "sassy" friends of color: An Asian guy and a Latin guy, who school her about MySpace. We've written about the trend of the black best friend before; a "consolation prize" for actors of color in TV shows and movies for decades. (And in this all-star cast, Scarlett Johansson, Jennifer Aniston and Jennifer Connelly appear alongside women like Tokyo Girl #2 and African Woman #3.)

Plus, in an attempt to convince guys that this movie is not your typical chick flick, Justin Long, Kevin Connolly and Bradley Cooper made a marketing video in which they count 10 "chick flick clichés" that are not in HJNTIY. The video, unlike the trailer for the film, is actually pretty funny…

…At first. But then you realize that, well, shit. The reason these guys can mock chick flick clichés is because Hollywood keeps churning out clichéd chick flicks. What's more, the assumption is that women want to see a film in which a a guy gets a makeover, where a woman slides down a wall crying, or where there's a quirky/sassy/sardonic best friend. (And this movie does seem to have those, actually.)

But as we've mentioned before, what is ultimately the worst part about this movie (based on a book, based on a line from a TV show) is this: It makes women look like losers. Like pathetic, desperate idiots who are hopeless when it comes to relationships and can't seem to understand why sitting by the phone waiting for him to call is a bad idea. Judging from the trailer, none of the guys are assholes; all of the women are emotional imbeciles. But it's a comedy, because annihilation and mockery of the female psyche is hilarious, right?

Spotting the Stereotypes: He’s Just Not That Into You [Racialicious]
ICYMI - 10 Chick Flick Cliches That Are Not In "He's Just Not That Into You" [via Best Week Ever]
He's Just Not That Into You [Trailer]
Earlier: There's No Way You'll Be Into He's Just Not That Into You
Black Women: Wise Best Friends To White Women Everywhere

The cinematic events which apparently heralded this sea change were Sex and the City: the Movie, Twilight, and Mamma Mia. In other words, women had promiscuous sex, had sex in the city, and didn't have sex with vampires, and amidst financial turmoil and political change, we ate it up.

However, all this is positively Bergman-esque compared to 2009's distaff-themed offerings. Says the FT,

This year women will be targeted even more precisely. One sub-sub-genre to emerge is feature films adapted from self-help books, notably French Women Don't Get Fat, which instructs women they can stay slim while still scoffing the air in the éclair choux pastry, and He's Just Not that Into You , which proffers advice such as that if a man runs away from a woman he is not in love with her.

The article quotes one feminist's dismayed response to this trend: "Self-help books send out the message women need to improve themselves instead of being happy with who they are." Well, that seems a tad unfair. For one thing, as self-help books go, these two are fairly common-sensical: both were remarkably short of psychco-babble and long on clearing up misconceptions, albeit obvious ones. There's a reason these books were such runaway bestsellers that they caught Hollywood's roving eye, and it's more than just numbers. Self-help offends people by its lack of artifice, its vulgarity, but chick lit and women's fiction hews to a similar formula of control-wresting and triumph. After all, a film like Sex and the City or Mamma Mia is no more virtuous for wrapping its self-help cliche's in shoes and ABBA; the self-help films will simply make no bones about it. The irony is, the end result will probably not be too different from what Hollywood's already turning out.

However, it will be interesting to note whether the stigmas of self-help carry over to its cinemazation. After all, a woman who can justify seeing Sex and the City for a laugh or Twilight in the name of cultural anthropology - no small class of women, I'd wager - might have a harder time pulling the trigger for French Women Don't Get Fat in widescreen. We like to be silly, not to feel stupid. Whether or not one finds the self-help film trend dismaying in itself, one can't deny that the "woman/smart " divide is being made nakedly stark. In removing all the artifice from what have essentially been self-help movies all along, Hollywood's ironically respecting our intelligence. And I wonder if that might not, also ironically, result in a backlash of denial - not the kind of escapism anyone wants.

Year of Women [FT]

If you're a desperate person reading these books as a panacea, as Book Slut's Jessa Crispin points out in the Smart Set, these tomes can be quite dangerous. She reviews two self-help books —The Passion Test: The Effortless Path to Discovering Your Destiny by Janet and Chris Attwood, and Stuck: Why We Can’t (or Won’t) Move On by Anneli Rufus — and finds them potentially devastating. "The first thing I recommend to someone shaking in the wake of a tragedy, or feeling stuck in their lives, is throw out these self-help books," Crispin writes. "They fill your head with lies and make it harder to move on. Recovery, however, is different for everyone, and unfortunately, the next step is up to you."

Ultimately yes, the onus is on an individual to help his or herself deal with any situation. But honestly, even after major traumas, many people have a strong enough sense of self to read advice from strangers and not fall for every piece of it hook, line, and sinker. It's a pretty pessimistic view of the intelligence of self-help readers to assume that they believe every bit of crap they're sold.

Many commenters at Jezebel have admitted sheepishly to being helped by He's Just Not That Into You, and as a teenager I took solace in Reviving Ophelia: Helping You to Understand and Cope with Your Teenage Daughter. Though it's geared towards the parents of teenagers, reading the anecdotal experiences of other teenage girls and methods of coping definitely helped me feel less alone. And if you're still embarrassed about it remember this: in When Harry Met Sally, Harry and Sally become bffs and then get married and have ten thousand babies after reuniting in the self-help aisle of a book store. If Nora Ephron says it's ok, that's good enough for us.

Jessica Simpson Confesses Her Love of Self-Help Books [People]
Help Wanted [The Smart Set]

This is just judging from the trailer, embedded after the jump. In it, you'll see Goodwin playing a desperado woman who cluelessly pesters a man in a bar since he says "Look forward to hearing from you" even though she gave him her card; and Jennifer Aniston whine, "You don't ever feel like we're going against nature by not getting married?" to a grossed-out Ben Affleck. Take a moment to vomit.

So, Goodwin's character is way too naive and Aniston's character doesn't want the same things as her man. Weak women, how fun! And there's more: Drew Barrymore's three (gay?) guy friends gather around to hear her voicemail from a dude, only to find out that he left the exact same voicemail for some other chick. Wow, does she look dumb.

The trailer uses "Friday I'm In Love" by The Cure try to trick you into thinking that this is a feel-good comedy, but it's clearly just a complete and utter evisceration and mockery of the female psyche. Men aren't jerks; women are IDIOTS. The film opens in February 2009, but based on the trailer it should be opening later this month, as a horror film.

He's Just Not That Into You: Is Three Gay Best Friends A New Record? [Guardian]

You represented a "type" he used to like that he is now over.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the individuals in my life that bring both positive and negative energy, and I've come to the conclusion that you are one person in my circle for which it's time to let go. This wouldn't be so hard, if it wasn't for that icy glare that I can't get enough of, which actually started me on this kick for being instantly attracted to women that look like a real axe wielding bitch from a short distance, but somehow still so sexy; you know the type. I'm trying to move on from that stage, and I'm beginning with you, Mrs. Clinton.

Dear Hil, I'm really sorry that this all had to happen this way. It's gotten all mucked up and I understand that I am partially responsible for that. I should have cut it off cleanly when I had the chance. I should have been stronger after Iowa. I should have used a much firmer tone after super Tuesday. I really should have written this letter after Barack and I won 11 states together, all in a row. But I didn't. I was a coward and for that I'm sorry. But now, Hil, come on. It's over hun. Let's not make a big scene. I'm moving on. I have to. It's not you. It really isn't. It's me. I want change Hillary. I want hope and progress. I even want inspiring speeches. All the best.

It's not you. It's me. Wait, I take that back. It's you. That empty stare. Those starched pants suits. The comic timing of a plank. Yeah, it's definitely you.

Hillary since day one you've sounded like my mom yelling at me. I'm done.

In the beginning things were great, really. And I know you're feeling insecure and helpless these days, but I just can't take the lies and drama anymore. I want change...new experiences...and you just can't give me what I need. Please understand. And please, Hil, stop with the 3 am phone calls, we're not 17 anymore.

Oh Hillary, what can I say? I think it's time we move on and go our separate ways. I can't take all of the crying, the overacting, the out and out lies, the drama. In the end, the times we had were never really all that great to begin with, right?

I'm not trying to make excuses, but college was a drug induced blur. What I knew as a young girls coming of age "experimentation" you mistook for genuine emotion. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. I thought you knew what this was. I've moved on. I'm happy now.

listen hil...yeah, for a while there i thought that maybe i could be with a woman...but i mean i was really really drunk that night we met...and quite honestly, you just can't satisfy me like he does. i thought that maybe i was giving up on you too quickly...so i tried to make it work, i really tried baby. but in the end he's all that i can think of.

He's met someone else who is just better on every level; maybe you should look into that "settling" thing!

i thought this was right at first. i really did. i'd seen you around; you seemed so smart and ambitious, and i really liked that. this isn't about you, hill; it's about him. that's right - i'm switching teams, and i'm sorry, but this guy obama is making me feel things i've never felt before: hopeful, proud. please, don't keep in touch.