Reese & Jake Totally Over; RPatz's "Date" With Emilie

• Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal have broken up, for real this time.

Depp Wants To Jump Pirates Ship; Danes & Dancy Wed

• Supposedly, Johnny Depp doesn't want to make another Pirates of the Caribbean because he knows the last two "sucked." Disney will offer him a huge paycheck and if he refuses, he'll be replaced by a younger Zac Efron-type.

Bar Refaeli Literarily Naked; Miley Teams With Max Azria

• Bar Refaeli let Esquire write the opening of a Stephen King story on her body for its cover. The weirdest part of the process sounds like the proofreading. [Esquire]
• Michael Jackson is rocking this fall collection women's Balmain jacket. [Grazia]

Starlets Shill For Style; Madonna To Continue As Face Of Vuitton?

• Lindsay Lohan's spoof singles video doubled as an ad for her leggings line and self-tanner. [WWD]
• And Zooey Deschanel wrote and performed a ditty about cotton — the fabric of our lives! [Videogum]

Spotted: Serena, Dan, And, Uh, Harvey

[New York, March 23. Image via INFDaily.]

Tilda Swinton Dresses To Impress; Let Us Now Praise Great London Fashion

• Tilda Swinton, one of the few celebrities who can actually pull off avant-gard fashion, looks predictably stunning on the cover of Another Magazine. [Stylefrizz]

Penelope Cruz Prepares To Give Producer Sucker Punch

[London, January 28. Image via Flynet]

Joaquin Rapping? We're Getting Punk'd

• Joaquin Phoenix's rap career: An elaborate hoax? Sort of.

Scarlett Poses For D&G; D&G Cheer For David Beckham

• Scarlett Johanson is the new face of D&G cosmetics. A face that looks mightily like Marilyn Monroe. [Popcrunch]