You will "save" if you buy right now! There must be someone in your life who needs a "Tower Of Treats." In my case, that person appears to be me.

click "full size" to enlarge

Aw, the Gingerbread Man is adorable. Wait: You have to take his head off to get to the treats? Hmm. I guess that is the fate of all Gingerbread Men and Women. More important: I spy yogurt-covered pretzels. Mmmm.

Look at the size of that chocolate chip cookie. Look at it. Then turn your attention to the true Christmas miracle: Peppermint bark.

Ignore the fruitcake and focus on the Cheesecake Party Wheel. Ask yourself this: Would you like to make a reservation for a party of one?

Fruit paired with cheese and crackers and then a side of popcorn, with cookies and candies for dessert? This is a full meal.

A Tower of Chocolates, however, has my name all over it.

Salty and sweet together really gets those taste buds going, Crunch goes so well with creaminess, and vice-versa. You can nibble, gobble, savor and… um, what were we talking about?

Damn. Forget what I said about fruit not being appealing. That pear looks juicy.

Harry & David [Official Site]

Earlier: Dean & Deluca Thanksgiving: Mouth-Watering, Wallet-Emptying
Mackenzie: Hot, Steamy, Scrumptious Food Porn

Related: Free People: Let's Pretend It's The Summer Of '69
Anthropologie's Hazy Shade Of Winter
Fetchdog, Drs Fosters & Smith: Howliday Humiliation For Dogs & Cats

All previous catalog posts

The cover of the Harry & David catalog claims, "The Easter Bunny shops here," but we have it on good authority that his credit cards get declined.

Wow, a nine-inch solid chocolate bunny. The perfect thing to give to kids right before they're going to have to sit through a sermon at church! Or is it the reward for enduring the service?

Some people probably find it really cute that the rabbit's head comes off and there's candy inside his skull and body; I find it terrifying and creepy.

Isn't cabbage the pagan symbol for vagina? That's where Cabbage Patch Kids come from, right? Also: Egg candles? Really? Can't you envision a scenario in which kids are like, "Why are you burning my Easter Eggs?" And crying? Loudly?

Flowers+chocolate=Good idea. But if someone ever gave me flowers in a picket fence, I'd be vaguely insulted. There's something repressive, apron-stringy and June Cleaver-ish about it. Not in a good way.

Ooh, cheesecake sampler! Wouldn't you rather have this than the nine-inch chocolate bunny? When do we celebrate the goddess of cheesecake?

Giant Cookie Basket from the Better Cookie Bureau, you have my vote in this year's election for Most Delicious Concept.

It's hilarious that the Easter Morning basket comes with a cookie shaped and iced to look like a carrot. Fake healthy! Oh, but look: In addition to a load of candy, you also get a couple of pears and an apple. Life is about balance.

The chicks are super cute, but just for styling purposes: No price listed!

You can, however, get a chicken pot pie. Yum.

Those marzipan critters masquerading with bunny ears should be funny, but they're just not. The chocolate quail eggs are sort of puke-inducingly realistic, as though you can smell the yolk and salmonella through the page.

Sugar is a building block of nutrition, right?

You know, of all the things you can have FedExed to your home, a pound of fish eggs ringing up at $5,900 is really baller-type shit.

For the love of God. If lusting after that Devil's Food cake is a sin, who among us is not guilty?

Pagan symbols aside: Why is that chocolate rabbit driving a car?

[Harry & David]
[Dean & Deluca]

Earlier: Free People: Someone Watched The Darjeeling Limited Before Booking This Photo Shoot
'Wooden Soldier' Tortures Your WASPy Spawn With Horrifying, Anachronistic Duds
J. Jill Vs. J. Crew: It's A Fashion Showcase Showdown
Pottery Barn, Anthropologie & West Elm: Bedding Porn For Sleepyheads

Harry & David: First of all, pears. Duh. (The Giant Royal Rivieras, $49.95) Then, some Moose Munch in a Party Drum ($39.95). The Pumpkin Spice Log ($39.95) looks like it would probably be nasty (too much cream-cheese icing) but I'd still try it. Same goes for these Christmas Tree Cheesecakes ($32.95). And oh shit, these Cinnamon Swirls ($26.95)? Yeah, I'd hit that. On a healthier note, the Super Fruit Buffet ($37.95) looks delectable. Tasty Shit: $227.70

Williams-Sonoma:
I'm not as into the filled-pancake pan ($35.00) as the spiced apple-filled pancakes themselves. And Halloween caramel apples? Yum. ($16.50) Although aren't caramel apples usually a lot prettier to look at than to eat? No matter, I'll settle for the adorable, $15.00 Halloween truffles (owls! a ghost!) and mini iced cookies ($19.50). Tasty Shit: $86

Sur La Table: If I had a yard, lots of money (and knew how to, uh, cook), I'd consider this outdoor terra cotta oven ($2,000). But I'd settle for these adorable terra cotta chimenea votives...on sale! ($14.99). Yum, Italian lemonade? But I'd use this Italian lemonade jar ($69.95, plus $16.95 for metal stand) as a terrarium. Or these glass cloches ($64.85 for one of each size). Cute shopping totes! And last but not least, something for Halloween: A pumpkin cake, although the catalog doesn't sell it ready-made, only the pans ($27.95). Tasty Shit: $2,194.69

Sunnyland Farms: If you aren't getting this catalog, sign up right now. In addition to offering up the most amazing pecans ever to touch my tongue, the nut farm's print edition is the direct-mail highlight of fall: Owner Jane Willson sprinkles her pages with updates on her family, loyal employees, far-flung travels (the woman is in her 70s or even 80s and, this year alone, visited Africa and Tibet), and a fascinating step-by-step of how pecans are "made". She's a neat-sounding lady. Anyway here's what's on offer: Mammoth Pecan Halves (toasted and salted) in a 3lb. home box. ($38.15). Then, a 3-lb. box of Sugar 'N Spice Candied Pecan Halves ($39.85). A tin of half dark, half milk-chocolate pecan pralines ($28.40). Tasty Shit: $106.50

Total Tasty Shit: $2,614.89
Total Pounds Gained: Incalculable