On a scale of 1 to Daddy Issues, Selena Gomez ranks among Sylvia Plath, Angelina Jolie and the daughter of the Dos Equis guy, if he has one. Not to mention, let's be honest, most of us.

Oh, so Lindsay Lohan is facing a year of jail time for falsely telling police she wasn't driving her Porsche at the time of her June car accident? Well WHAT THE FUCK ELSE IS NEW. Is Lohan ever not doing some stupid shit that warrants jail time and then making me hear about it day and night? Does she have to distract me …

Harrison Ford is a pretty all-around delightful human being, earring and all. After David Letterman "convinces" him to tell a funny produce joke, Ford obliges and reminds everyone why he was probably the second-best president of the 20th century, just behind Bill Pullman and slightly ahead of Morgan Freeman.

My Size Barbie and Ken Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds put on the My Wedding Dream Clothes™ that came in the box with them and stealthily got married on a plantation in South Carolina yesterday. Their friend Bell Sleeves Florence Welch was there to sing in honor of their love, and so—more importantly!—was Hollywood's…

• Lady Gaga is now the most-followed user on Twitter.

• Kate Winslet has reportedly been spending time with model Louis Dowler. According to a source: "They've been on lots of dates and get on really well. It's early days for them but they enjoy each other's company." [NewsOfTheWorld]

• Calista Flockhart and Harrison Ford were married on Tuesday in Santa Fe, New Mexico; Governor Bill Richardson performed the ceremony.

[Paris, February 27. Image via Getty.]

• Heidi Montag told Access Hollywood's Billy Bush: "I almost died after my [plastic surgery] procedure. I had too much Demerol like Michael Jackson did… my breathing was five breaths per minute, which is like almost dead." HOWEVER. Her surgeon says: