[Beverly Hills, December 14. Image via Splash.]

[Griffith Park, October 31. Image via x17.]

[Los Angeles, October 11. Image via INFDaily.]

• Russell Brand on the Kanye West incident at the VMAs:

"You don't like to see people upset. But I think it just gets exciting, live television, live events. People get worked up and things happen." [AP]

• "However rude Kanye West's intrusion may have been, it suited the controversy the VMAs openly crave." [NY Times]
• Philippe van den Bossche, the boss of Madonna's Raising Malawi charity, has quit after falling in love with Madonna's trainer, Tracy Anderson — also famous for sculpting Gwyneth Paltrow's physique. [Page Six]
• Is Oprah in trouble? This report notes: "Winfrey is still the queen of daytime television, but the aura of invincibility is gone. The average viewership for The Oprah Winfrey Show slipped under 7 million last season, down 7 percent from the year before, according to Nielsen Media Research. One week during the July rerun season, the show had its lowest ratings since its 1985 debut." [AP]
• Colin Farrell: Having another baby. He and girlfriend Alicja Bachleda are expecting their first child. Colin has a 5-year-old son James from a previous relationship with model Kim Bordenave. [Us Magazine]
• At a red carpet event, a photographer asked Colin Farrell's sister to step away to Colin could be photographed alone. Colin got mad and confronted the snapper, who says: "I was just saying, 'Please can everyone clear the carpet, move on.' He took it personal. He said, 'Do not shout at my sister like that, do not ever speak to my sister like that ever.'' [Daily Express]
• Deepak Chopra knew Michael Jackson for 20 years, and he says of Michael's death: "It was caused not by the drugs he had been taking for years — He was a very controlled addict. But by him being given a particular drug that is so powerful that I have never heard of it being used anywhere but in an operating theater with breathing tubes and a ventilator… This is something bigger and is happening all the time – and not just in Hollywood. The number one cause of drug addiction in America right now is medical prescriptions. We have to wake up to that." [Telegraph]
• Elton John would like to adopt a Ukrainian boy named Lev, but the country bans gay couples from adopting children. In addition, Elton and partner David Furnish are considered too old to be adoptive parents. But click the links to see adorable pix of the tot. [The Sun, NY Daily News]
• Ugh, some of the comments on this Elton John story are vile. [Page Six]
• Gisele Bundchen hates when her personal real estate business is in the paper. [Page Six]
• Lionel Richie says now that daughter Nicole has given birth to son Sparrow, "She is the happiest woman ever. She is just in total control. I'm the one that's nervous!" He also jokes: "Harlow right now is enjoying the baby until she finds out it's staying." And: "[Sparrow] looks just like Harlow." [People]
• John Mayer was at a bar in NYC when someone got stabbed; Mayer and other patrons were "seen fleeing." [Page Six]
• Susan Boyle's first single has been revealed: It's a cover of The Rolling Stones' "Wild Horses." [Mirror]
• Tila Tequila has apparently been mentioning Chris Brown in her Tweets; Chris Brown has responded: "NOT TRYNA BE RUDE but i keep hearing tila bringing my name up. ur 15 seconds of fame has ended. dont try to gain fans by dissing me.godbless." [TMZ]
• Mischa Barton is working on her new show The Beautiful Life, but while doing so, she has been ordered to stay away from booze, boys and bad behavior. She complained to cast members: "All I can do is smoke cigarettes." [Page Six]
• Lost is scheduled to end on Wednesday, May 19, 2010. Mark your calendars. [ONTD via LostBlog]
• Ugh. Here's a "joke" an NFL announcer made during a Detroit Lions game: "Going from two Super Bowls in Pittsburgh to the winless Detroit team — that's like going from dating Beyoncé to Whoopi Goldberg." [TMZ]
• "Russell Brand romanced model Christy Peterson for three months without seeing another girl. Then he told her to go shopping with his mum and had sex with a fan and a stripper." [News.com.au]
• "Prince Harry leaves nightclub ten minutes after Chelsy Davy... as he misses Lord Freddie Windsor's wedding." [Daily Mail]
• Interested in a Hollywood Hills 5,334 square foot 1929 Spanish-style house or a 4,062 square foot three-story contemporary Mediterranean home with a guesthouse? Ben Stiller and Christine Taylor are selling, and you only need around $12.5 million [UPI]
• Jay Leno's new show is related to NBC's decision to split football drama Friday Night Lights between DirecTV and NBC. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Dancing With The Stars' Maksim Chmerkovskiy is "still nursing a broken heart but doing okay" after his breakup with Karina Smirnoff. [People]
• Chandra Wilson has been nominated four consecutive years for her portrayal of Miranda Bailey, the no-nonsense chief resident on ABC's Grey's Anatomy, but is still looking for her first win. She says: "The thing that always impresses me whenever I go on the website each year to cast my little vote for myself, there are like 400 women there! So to even get in the top five, narrowed down from all those women, that's already amazing. I'm a huge fan of Sandra's work on this show. So the fact that we keep coming in together, I'm highly complimented by that. I also think it's a big testament to the show remaining as current as it is, six years in." [NY Times]
• Harrison Ford was honored with a tribute to his career at the 35th Deauville American Film Festival in Normandy, France, and got all choked up. Han Solo doesn't cry! [Daily Mail]
• Director Niki Caro and actress Keisha Castle-Hughes paired up in 2002's divine Whale Rider, and have reteamed for new film The Vinter's Luck. [USA Today]
• Couple alert: Chace Crawford and Bar Refaeli. [NY Daily News]
• Formula 1 driver Lewis Hamilton has dumped girlfriend Nicole Scherzinger of the Pussycat Dolls, telling her he is not ready for marriage and children. But she was quoted as saying: "My dream is to do my own music one day, to have an unbelievable tour, to have done some musical theatre and some film and maybe to have opened up a performing arts school for special needs kids. That is my ultimate dream — not marriage." [Mirror]
• Even though they broke up 22 years ago, The Smiths are gaining new fans, thanks to 500 Days Of Summer. [Independent]
• ABBA's Benny Anderson on rumors that the group will create music for a sequel to Mamma Mia!: "it's not going to happen. There will not be another, quote unquote, Abba musical." [UPI]
• "Sir Michael Caine described his latest vigilante film as a 'warning' of the way British society is heading." [Mirror]
• Kirk Douglas, 92, Is the oldest person on MySpace. He recently sent son Michael Douglas a message which read: "I've got 800 new friends, what should I do?" [Mirror]
• I Can Do Bad All By Myself opened at the top of the weekend box office with more than $24 million in ticket sales. [NY Daily News]
• Blind items! "Which has-been action hero has knocked up his comely assistant? When his longtime girlfriend learned of the impending birth, she angrily split… Which world-famous actor has fallen out with his equally A-list director? They have weeks to go on their upcoming block buster, but the actor thinks the director is arrogant and dismissive of his ideas, while the director considers his leading man to be a spoiled, over rated punk." [Page Six]
• "I'm not that motivated nor do I see that many good projects that make me want to take me away from my family. So much so, that his young children see mummy as the film star in the family. All they know was daddy makes pancakes because I did not have a movie to show them." — Michael Douglas. [Mirror]
• "It feels like we have been away for a long time. The four of us were feeling really nervous about coming back home." — Chris Martin, on Coldplay playing its first UK gig this year. [BBC News]
• "I am comfortable singing in a context like that. I am least comfortable singing karaoke, and less comfortable singing in cabarets. I really only like singing when you understand the context, so an awards show is fine." — Neil Patrick Harris on the Emmys, which he'll be hosting Sunday. [USA Today]
• "You're surrounded by cameras, you're surrounded by film crews, you're surrounded by equipment. It's, like, the most empty, unromantic experience ever." — Penn Badgley on kissing scenes on Gossip Girl. [USA Today]
• "I'm not a great actor. I don't fool myself to think that I am. Most of the work that I get is through having really good relationships with people and being dependable… We all have to put each other in check. Otherwise, people start to become delusional about who they are and what they are and what they're contributing to the world." — Ashton Kutcher. [New York Magazine]
• "Popular music has an emotional-intelligence quotient that's geared much toward younger people. It's all about [he flattens his voice to a disaffected teen monotone] 'You left me. Why did you leave me? I still love you. I tried so hard to stop loving you.' And it's like, well, I relate to that, I just don't want to think about that. When you're younger, you want to wallow in it. When you get older, you still love the person, and wonder why they don't love you. You just have other things to do." — Alec Baldwin. [New York Magazine]
• "At one of the orgies there was this bunny - there was a rabbit, who was just sitting there staring at us. We all kept saying, 'Look that bunny's still there.' And after about 45 minutes, I thought, 'Maybe he's hurt,' and I started to walk over to it and it took two hops and I was like, 'Nope, he's just a pervert.' … He was pervy Peter Rabbit!" — Michelle Forbes, aka Maryann from True Blood. [People]
• "I'm happy to be a representative for curvier women, but I don't really want to be known as 'the fat one.' I don't really mind what people want to say about me, but it's just that I have two daughters and I don't want them growing up to believe that flesh is something to be ashamed of, particularly at their age. They need to understand not to take any notice. I'm happy with my shape." — Nigella Lawson. [Telegraph]
• "It's just a working relationship. We all have our different things that we're doing. We're not friends, but we are cordial." — Sheree Whitfield, on fellow Real Housewives Of Atlanta castmates NeNe, Kim, Lisa and Kandi, whom Sheree says she doesn't really hang out with. [E!]
• "It doesn't really matter, those are Michael's kids. He raised those kids. They were in his arms when they were born." — La Toya Jackson, when asked about the biological father of Michael Jackson's children. [NY Daily News]
• "I recognized myself in that character and most of all, I recognized that I have seen the Precious girls of the world and they have been invisible to me. None of us who see the movie can walk through the world and allow the Preciouses to be invisible again." —Oprah, on the lead character in Precious, the film for which she is the co-executive producer. [AFP]
• "[Director] Karyn Kusama and I are both outspoken feminists. We wanted to subvert the classic horror model of women being terrorized. I want to write roles that service women. I want to tell stories from a female perspective. I want to create good parts for actresses where they're not just accessories to men… The friendships that I had as an adolescent had this unparalleled intensity. I wanted to show how almost horrific that devotion can be. It's almost parasitic." — Diablo Cody on Jennifer's Body. [Reuters]

[Los Angeles, March 18. Images via x17.]

• So much Oscar gossip! For instance:

Amanda Seyfried got her heel caught in a stocking during the song and dance number. Zac Efron's microphone got tangled in his bow tie. We'll never be invited back," Zac joked. Alicia Keys broke a heel; Goldie Hawn snuck in the back where "no one's screaming." Jennifer Aniston was heard whispering to John Mayer: "I really love you, every part of you." [AP]

• On the red carpet, Mickey Rourke told a reporter: "I said to myself, 'I would rather have Loki for another two years than have an Oscar,' and I told her that, you know. But she stayed as long as she could." [E!]
• Mickey Rourke maybe tried to grope Jessica Alba, who "jumped back and made a disgusted face." [Gatecrasher]
• On the red carpet, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt snubbed Ryan Seacrest. Again. [NY Daily News]
• Kate Winslet on the red carpet: "I said to my daughter, 'If I did win the big prize, what do you think I should say?' And she said, 'I just think you should be really crazy and emotional'. I thought, 'You're no good.'" [E!]
• Kate Winslet doesn't want to see Angelina Jolie naked. [E!]
• Robert Pattinson on the red carpet: "I did a rehearsal and messed it up. I am probably going to be the letdown of the entire show." Uh, yeah. You're the let down of the entire show. The Oscars hinge on a sparkly vampire. [E!]
• Did you know that Oscar winners are obliged to sign winners' agreements? The agreements say if they or their heirs ever decide to part ways with their Oscars, they must offer to sell the awards back to the Academy for $1 each. Matilda Ledger will have to sign this when she turns 18, apparently. [E!]
• A review of the show: "Hugh Jackman a winner but production was a lost cause." [NY Daily News]
• Harvey Weinstein had a party Saturday night and everyone was there: Robert DeNiro, Leonardo DiCaprio, Jennifer Lopez, Jessica Alba, and Miss Lindsay Lohan, who showed up with a guy who owns local luxury car dealerships. [Fox 411]
• Katie "Jordan" Price attended Elton John's Oscar party, and her "rival," Victoria Beckham, was there. No showcase showdown occurred. [Daily Mail]
• An insider on Rachel Zoe: "Her television career is interfering with her styling work. Clients are getting very upset." This is why she was seen "flipping out over the phone and screaming at the top of her lungs" at the Weinstein pre-Oscar party. [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which married Oscar nominee has been cheating on his wife with a hard-partying starlet?" [Gatecrasher]
• Jennifer Aniston didn't run into Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie at the Dreamworks Oscar bash — because they didn't show up! [Gatecrasher]
• Penelope Cruz and Tom Cruise did run into each other at an Oscar party. "Penelope tapped him on the shoulder and timidly asked, 'Tom?' Tom turned around, got visibly flustered and awkwardly said, 'Oh, hey. Hi,' and gave her a small, distant hug before turning back around to his friends. It was weird." [Perez]
• Here's a rundown of all the Oscar winners. [NY Post]
• Meanwhile, Chris Brown called Rihanna to wish her a happy birthday. He also sent her a diamond bracelet and necklace, as well as an iPod Touch. Friday night, Rihanna had a birthday party that was Blackjack-themed (Chris was not there) and then jetted off to Barbados. [Gatecrasher]
• What the fuck is up with CNN anchor Kiran Chetry saying that Rihanna will have to deal with the "stigma" of being an abuse victim? Writes Barbara Morrill: "Do we use such terminology about victims in a robbery? When a man beats up another man?" Some dude says, "She'll be remembered for this, rather than her own talents." This is not right. [Daily Kos]
• Amy Winehouse stays busy: Now she's accused of splitting up a lesbian couple. An unnamed woman claims she found her girlfriend in bed with Amy Winehouse, and that Amy asked if she wanted to join. This woman changed her MySpace profile to read: "Amy Winehouse asked me for a threesome and I said no, no, no." [Mirror]
• George Clooney is in Darfur, but the United Nations is pulling his security escort, since he has been speaking out on the troubles in the area. Please Cloons, be careful! [Daily Express]
• Nicholas Kristof says he and George Clooney are bunking in a tiny room in a guest house and "George's side of the room has a big splotch of something that sure looks like blood." [NY Times]
• Speaking of putting yourself in harm's way, T-Pain has canceled a concert in Guyana after "credible death and kidnapping threats." Someone doesn't like Auto-Tune! [E!]
• Oooh, will Michelle Obama be on the first non-Oprah cover of O magazine? [Liz Smith]
• Harlow Madden will be a big sister! Nicole Richie is pregnant again. [ONTD]
• Guy Ritchie might be dating a film producer on his Sherlock Holmes film, or just, you know, hanging out with a coworker. [Daily Mail]
• Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony threw a birthday party for their 1-year-old twins on Saturday in the backyard at their home in Bel Air. A clown was involved. [People]
• Cruz Beckham's birthday looks awesome: He turned four, while dressed as Wolverine, at the Xtreme Martial Arts World Headquarters in Hollywood. Eva Longoria and nieces attended! [Daily Mail]
• During his speech at the Independent Spirit Awards, Mickey Rourke said Eric Roberts "is the fucking man and he deserves another chance." No one seems sure why he felt the need to make this point. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Prince Harry and Natalie Imbruglia: Flirting via text message? [Daily Mail]
• Meanwhile, in a new documentary, a journalist says of Prince William: "He's doing almost nothing. I'm sorry, but as second in line of succession to the throne, he really should be doing more." [Telegraph]
• In this video, Rosario Dawson talks about her mother licking her in public. Yeah. She's traumatized by spit. There's more, about lesbians/sex/virginity. [NY Times]
• Slade Smiley, from Real Housewives Of Orange County, has been arrested. It's a civil contempt charge. [UPI]
• Al Pacino will play Salvador Dali in a new film; but not the same one in which Antonio Banderas will play Dali or the one in which Robert Pattinson plays Dali. Who will be more surreal? [Daily Express]
• Freida Pinto's ex is still talking about how Slumdog Millionaire wrecked their relationship, and how upset he is that Freida is getting close to Dev Patel: "Now everywhere I go I see them on billboards. I am devastated." This is from the paper that loves to shame women, don't forget. [Daily Mail]
• By the by, Salman Rushdie hated Slumdog, saying it "piles impossibility on impossibility." [AP]
• Bruce Springsteen will headline this summer's Glastonbury festival, bringing "Born In The USA" to the UK. [Telegraph]
• Is Michael Jackson making a comeback? He's reportedly in talks to do 30 live shows in London or Las Vegas later this year. Then again, a couple of weeks ago, he was reportedly dying. [NY Daily News]
• In this Q&A, Matt Groening talks about changing the main titles of The Simpsons: "We're always throwing in what we call Black Bart gags, where Bart is writing on the blackboard, and we switch little things around. Lisa's saxophone solo switches." [NY Post]
• Richard Gere and his wife have opened up an inn. They are innkeepers now. Do with this what you will. [NY Mag]
• The creative director and global business strategist of INXS, Chris Murphy, swears they did not dump their lead singer JD Fortune from the band in the middle of a busy airport. [News.com.au]
• Debbie Gibson's house in the Hollywood Hills is for sale and photos reveal that there is a mirrored piano in the living room and a 7-up can by the bathroom sink. [The Real Estalker]
• Charlie Sheen and wife Brooke had a sports-themed baby shower, if you care. [People]
• "I've been through a lot. I can't sleep, sometimes I wake up at night. I still see him." — Housekeeper Teresa Solomon, who found Heath Ledger dead more than a year ago. [News.com.au]
• "My intention is to be Prime Minister of Canada, not Governor General, which is mainly a ceremonial position." — William Shatner. [PR-Inside]
• "Some beautiful women are passive in the bedroom. They're gorgeous, they know they're gorgeous and they don't feel the need to do anything beyond being gorgeous. Elizabeth Taylor was not one of those women. Being with her was like sticking an eggbeater in your brain." — from an essay by Robert Wagner. [Daily Mail]
• "There's a lot of gay people that dress better than me… No, I just think it's a stereotype that all gay people dress good, and then it's also a stereotype that if you dress good, you're gay." — Kanye West. [NY Mag]
• "I think about it; because I am effeminate I've always thought about it, 'Am I gay?' And then, I so love being with women, and I so love women's bodies and all that. I think, well no, I can't be. But sometimes I think it would just be simpler if I was, because everyone thinks I am. I'm quite camp, but no, I don't think I am. If I was gay, I would just get on with it. But definitely I love women, I love being around women, I find them incredible and intoxicating, and I've never had that feeling I get with women with a man." — David Walliams of Little Britain. [Guardian]
• "From the first day I met her, she said, 'I want us to be friends and I want you to know that you are a huge part of our family and are welcome any time.' She has been as good as her word. Dad and I have had our ups and downs over the years but Catherine is someone who has cemented the family together. She and Dad were in Los Angeles two weeks ago because he got some sort of lifetime achievement award and we all went out to dinner. I've never seen my father as happy as he is with her. It's cool to see." — Cameron Douglas on Catherine Zeta-Jones being good for his dad, Michael Douglas. [Daily Mail]
• "It's always great to rehearse on a plane, because people think you're mad… Emotionality is really easy for me. My father always said that Fondas can cry at a good steak. And so on a personal and professional level it's great for me not to have to do that." — Jane Fonda , 71 (?!?) on her role in Broadway show 33 Variations. (The show is being protested by Vietnam vets.) [NY Times, UPI]
• "I have decided to freeze myself when I die. You know, cryonics. You pay a lot of money and you get stuck in a deep freeze once you've been declared dead. Medical science is bound to work out a way of bringing us back to life in the next century or so, and I want to be available when they do. I would be doing the nation an invaluable service." — Simon Cowell. [Daily Mail]
• "[Partying] is what I do for a living. I get paid to go to events and parties, and it's fun." — Paris Hilton. [Gatecrasher]

[New York, February 18. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

[Los Angeles, January 7. Image via x17]

• Jett Travolta's autopsy was performed today and a source says he died of "seizure disorder." The report went directly to the family, meaning, the media won't be picking it apart. [People, TMZ]

• Patricia Arquette has just filed for divorce from Thomas Jane, her husband of two years. The two have a five year old daughter ... and no prenup. [TMZ]
• According to the LAPD, last month's $2 million jewel heist from Paris Hilton's mansion may have been an inside job, since the burglar knew the floor plans and exactly where she hid her valuables. OMG, what if it was her biggest frenemy of all: Nicole Richie?! [E!]
• Jennifer Love Hewitt and her fiancé have split up. People helpfully points out that she said she lost weight in October to get ready for her wedding, because clearly the biggest concern on everyone's mind is if she'll balloon up to a perfectly healthy weight again. [People]
• Though little Harlow Madden won't turn one until January 11, she can get a head start in being mortified by her family members right now. Her uncle, Benji Madden warns potential suitors, "I'm going to be keeping a close eye on her ... I'll leave the shotgun right by the door." [People]
• Clint Eastwood has denied the urban legend that he is the son of Stan Laurel, of the comedy duo Laurel and Hardy. "My mother was hysterical. She said, 'I always admired the man, but I never met him let alone had his child," said Eastwood. [The Guardian]
• Rebecca Romijn gave birth to twin girls Dolly Rebecca Rose and Charlie Tamara Tulip on December 28. They are the first children for Romijn and her husband Jerry O'Connell. Congrats! [People]
• Leona Lewis has signed a deal to write her autobiography about how she went from a pizza waitress to an X Factor winner and international star. She is 23. [The Star]
• Lily Allen may abandon singing for sci-fi. She has been named a front runner to star as the companion of the newly named eleventh Doctor Who, Matt Smith. Lily is rumored to have auditioned for the part in the past. [The Sun]
• The Phelps phrenzy has gone global: Michael Phelps has been hired by Mazda to relaunch its Mazda 6 in China. Phelps will earn at least $1 million, which is believed to be the largest single sponsorship deal for a Western celebrity in China. [Advertising Age]
• A conservative MP is accusing the BBC of indecency for airing a pre-taped interview with porn star Ron Jeremy in which he describes certain sexual activities he would like to partake in with Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson. "They will do each other, do me, do each other, do me, back and forth," said Jeremy. That's still not as bad as the comment of BBC Radio presenter Spoony in the same show: "Let the munters and mingers get each other. That's cool because nobody wants them." [Daily Mail]
• Courtney Love's new album was supposed to come out on January 1, but she says it was delayed by technical problems, as the studio was infested with gerbils and haunted by ghosts. But don't worry. Love has 30 million dollars in sponsorships from an unnamed prominent feminine hygiene brand and a tequila company. [The Guardian]
• Earlier today Britney's Twitter page was hacked to display the charming message, "HI Yall! Brit Brit here, just wanted to update you all on the size of my vagina. Its about 4 feet wide with razor sharp teeth." To quote the crazies on YouTube, leave Britney alone! [Perez Hilton]
• "My advice to anyone is to not get married in Vegas," says Carmen Electra, who married NBA star Dennis Rodman in 1998 and filed for annulment nine days later says, "Do not get married at the drive-thru in Vegas, especially. Take your time – enjoy it!" Somehow we don't think getting married in Vegas was the only thing that doomed that marriage. [People]

[Maui, December 31. Image via x17]

[Los Angeles, December 11. Image via x17]

[Los Angeles, December 7. Image via x17]

[Los Angeles, November 30. Image via x17.]

• Sean Penn: Lousy gay lover! Diego Luna was asked about kissing Sean for Milk and said, "It was...dry." He added: "I guess he was thinking about Franco." But costar James Franco claims kissing Sean was "fine." Not hot, steamy, fun. Fine. [E!]
• Britney's youngest son, Jayden, has been released from the hospital. He was rushed to the emergency room on Sunday is because he had an allergic reaction to something he ate. The 2-year-old had hives, was itchy and irritable. The family is "just not sure" what triggered the reaction. [Page Six, TMZ]
• Madonna had a dinner party at her apartment and invited her non-Kabbalah friends, so they could meet her "friend" Alex Rodriguez. [Mirror]
• Madonna let Guy see his sons! There's a picture of Rocco and David at the airport, hugging Guy. Apparently Madonna has a list of demands that Guy must meet while the kids are with him in London. It includes a ban on TV, non-organic food and clothes not sent by her. For some reason, can't you picture Guy getting the kids hopped up on sugar and Disney cartoons? [Daily Mail]
• People and Us Weekly put Barack Obama on their covers, and those issues sold extremely well. America wasn't interested in Jennifer Aniston or Suri Cruise last week? Really? [MSNBC]

• Will a Barack Obama documentary sweep the Emmys? It's co-produced by Ed Norton… [LA Times]
• Malia and Sasha Obama might get to visit the set of Hannah Montana! "The invitation is there," Billy Ray Cyrus says. "The Hannah Montana film comes out in April. Maybe something might happen around then. Maybe not. I don’t know… I have got to keep a secret." Uh, too late! [Access Hollywood]
• Michelle Williams' dad, Larry Williams, a prominent stock market trader, has agreed to return to the U.S. to face tax evasion charges. He's been in Australia, though he's actually a resident of the Virgin Islands. He possibly owes $1.5 million in unpaid taxes. [Yahoo News]
• Here's a snippet from the Blake Lively interview in W magazine: "Lively doesn’t even attempt to hide her glee at all the freebies foisted upon her, from designer dresses and diamond bangles to an utterly insane number of pricey purses. 'I probably have, like, 60 gorgeous bags,' she says. 'I have a closet with my really sharp, fancy, nice ones—the ones that go with my Valentino pumps, for example. And then I have a closet with the ones that are a little more rugged-feeling, the kind that go with my Belstaff motorcycle boots.'" [W]
• Juliette Lewis met Ed Westwick and said, "Who is this guy?" Someone's not watching Gossip Girl. He's Chuck Bass! [Rush & Molloy]
• The creators of Gossip Girl say the show is like "a chess game." See, "Chuck and Blair are the king and queen. Everyone else, except Serena, is a pawn.” Hmm, isn't the show more like Trouble, what with the pop-o-matic dice and the moving in circles? Wait, what was the question again? [People]
• Amy Winehouse "lost it" after finding out Blake Fielder-Civil contacted the "other woman" when he got out of jail. Blake Formerly Incarcerated says, "She hasn’t dumped me. We both love each other and will be together for ever. We have spoken on the phone and I’m expecting a visit from her any time now. We can’t wait to be back together." Keep hope alive! [The Sun]
• When asked about the rumors linking him to Evan Rachel Wood, Mickey Rourke said, "She's a good friend, that's it. Tell that faggot who wrote all that shit in the paper I'd like to break his fucking legs." Whoops! Mickey's sorry! Rourke has released a statement which reads, "I want to sincerely apologize for the derogatory word I used. It was insensitive and inappropriate of me and I am deeply sorry that I may have offended anyone." [Yahoo News via E!]
• Nicole Kidman was on Oprah yesterday, and at O's urging, she pulled out a picture of her baby, Sunday Rose. [Perez Hilton]
• Speaking of Nicole, something is up with her new flick, Australia. The studio forced director Baz Luhrmann to change the ending, but don't click unless you want to know, this entire article is a spoiler alert. [LA Times]
• Mariah Carey's demands for the World Music Awards: A £100,000 private jet transport to the ceremony in Monte Carlo and a £10,000-a-night penthouse suite at the exclusive Hotel de Paris for two nights. Plus! VIP treatment for her 15-member entourage. [Daily Mail]
• Mariah was on Simon Cowell's X Factor over the weekend, and some people are saying it was one of her worst performances ever. Click for video and judge for yourself. (My 2¢: Her voice is not what it used to be.) [The.Life Files]
• Blind item! "Which proud new papa isn't much of a family guy? The handsome actor, notorious for having a roving eye, was spotted leaving a downtown hot spot with the beautiful bartender." [Rush & Molloy]
• Evan Rachel Wood claims the Obama camp wanted Marilyn Manson to play for Barack. A spokesperson says, "That it not true." [Yahoo News]
• Isaiah Washington is speaking out about Brooke Smith being fired from Grey's Anatomy: "I looked at a brilliant actress, whom I have adored since I first saw her in Silence of the Lambs. For her to be treated this way, I find very interesting. The fact is that, just before the holidays, you have a mother, a wonderful actress removed from a steady income without the proper reasoning behind it…You look at the way another consummate professional [is] being treated because her character, her story line [has] potentially made producers uncomfortable. Now that I see what they're doing to a show that I love and I care about, I think it's disgusting. The fact that Shonda has been put in this position is extremely unfair. It's unfortunate because it was probably, at the time, the most progressive show on television. Now I see it [being] systematically torn apart. Bring Burke back!" Yeah, that's right, Burke. Not Brooke. He's talking about himself, you see. [Perez Hilton
• Oh dear: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt will guest star on How I Met Your Mother. Well, at least Heidi's psuedo-employed after losing her fake job. [E!, People]
• America Ferrera will star and executive produce a drama called American Tragic, about a young war vet who sets off across the country with a buddy to find redemption. Ferrera will play his wife. [Variety]
• Queen Latifah will host the People's Choice Awards on January 7. [Variety]
• Are Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel getting married or not? (Seems like "not.") [MSNBC]
• Tim Robbins is still battling the New York City board of elections. Did he show up to the wrong polling place? Or did they change his location without him knowing? [Page Six, NY Times]
• Regis Philbin gave his old elementary school $1.5 million in 2005; it's since been shut down. Think he wishes he had the cash back? [Page Six]
• Will Eminem's new CD come out on time? There was a December due date, but a source says, "He is being a perfectionist and is completely obsessive-compulsive about this album. There's a 50-50 chance it will be done by the end of this year - but most likely it'll be the first quarter of next year." After this long, why rush? [Page Six]
• NBC's Medium returns in January with new castmember Tracy Pollan, aka Mrs. Michael J. Fox. [EW]
• In Roger Moore's memoir, you learn that that during the filming of Live and Let Die, his first Bond flick, he had kidney stones, so he took a painkiller, methylene, that both knocked him out and turned his urine blue. He woke up in the middle of the night, mistook his closet for a bathroom and peed all over his clothes, "dying them a delightful azure." [Time]
• Kelsey Grammer on Sarah Palin: "I don't know that she doesn't know that Africa is a continent… And if I read it in the New York Times, I have to get a second source." Damn librul media! [TMZ]
• The Dallas reunion was a Texas-sized mess! Hundreds more people than expected showed up for Saturday night's barbecue and cast reunion at Southfork Ranch; angry fans complained they didn't get the access to cast members they'd paid $500 to see; while others got close to the stars without paying. [Yahoo News]
• By the by, Mayim Bialik, the star of '90s sit com Blossom, had a baby about a month or two ago. Her second child, a boy named Fred. [TMZ]
• Former boy band mogul, Lou Perlman, is discussed in a new book, and the consensus is the dude is "creepy" and tried to "wrestle" with the boys he managed. Perlman's currently serving a 25-year jail sentence for conspiracy, money laundering, etc. [Rush & Molloy]
• Actress Gong Li: Being called a traitor, because she's decided to become a Singaporean citizen. (She was born and raised in China.) [Breitbart]
• Tony Dow, who played Wally on Leave It To Beaver, will have one of his abstract sculptures on display at the Louvre. Upgrade! [Yahoo News]
• Headline of the day: "Fleetwood Mac's Lindsey Buckingham wants to play a song for President George W Bush called 'Treason.'" [Telegraph]
• WTF. Another William Shatner video, in which he talks shit about George Takei. [Perez Hilton]
• James Cromwell, who starred in the Babe movies, is recovering from a broken collarbone and partially deflated lung after falling off of his bicycle in an L.A.-area canyon on Sunday. He should be out of the hospital now. That'll do! [AP]
• Geri Halliwell has dumped her "toyboy" lover, dancer Ivan "Flipz" Velez. He's devastated. Maybe his new middle name will be "Mopez." [Mirror]
• Here's a rare photograph of Marilyn Monroe in stockings and garters. [Telegraph]
• Chris March of Project Runway was interviewed by a snarky New York magazine editor and wasn't really amused. The writer was mocking Seal's facial scars, though, so: Team March. [NY Mag]
• Beyoncé says offers have come in from magazines wanting wedding pictures and it's "crazy money that's just ridiculous." Don't worry, B is classier than that: "It's so not worth it. If anything, if you wanna put something out, then put it out, not for (money). We worked really hard at keeping it private. I've always been this way, and he's always been this way, so that's why we complement each other. We always knew that it would be private and quiet, for all the right reasons." [AP]
• Here's a lovely poem Chuck Norris has written about Barack Obama's "political stink." It rhymes! [E&P Pub]
• "He’s never let himself become a lost cause. He’s hardcore and very strong. Off-duty he flies his own plane and helicopter and he insists on doing as many of his own stunts as possible. It’s him riding the bikes and throwing the punches — he doesn’t palm it off to a stunt man." — Jamie Milnes, Harrison Ford's personal trainer, on working with him for Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull. [Telegraph]
• "I thought it would be easy to cast a Bond girl, because there are so many beautiful women in this world. But not many of them can act. Their acting needed to be really strong and three-dimensional. Historically, the role of women in the world has changed. You can't have someone in a Bond film just as a sex object. [But] they have to be sexy and beautiful. That's what people expect, and that's what Bond is about." — Quantum Of Solace director Marc Forster. [Esquire]
• "I call her 'The Mouse.' And The Mouse holds on to the edge of a chair now and is gaining the confidence to think, 'Maybe these legs belong to me.' I keep telling Nicole that it's a bad sign, because once those legs gain confidence, then they're out of here!" — Lionel Richie on 10-month-old granddaughter Harlow. [People]
• "She taught me the importance of looking good and feeling good but also that beauty comes from within, because it fades. I looked at her like a therapist and a makeover queen –- the perfect glamorous smart woman. People would walk in, talk to her and tell her their issues and they'd walk out feeling and looking like a new woman." — Beyoncé, on her mother, who owned a hair salon when B was a kid. [People]
• "It's cool when you have a movie where you can show another side of yourself, like this one does. The movie is not going to be successful, I don't think. It's not the usual Van Damme action movie, so I'm not really kicking butt. People who know me, they know my story, that I came with nothing and because famous with martial arts. I did the movie because it felt good to do something like that. [I won't do a reality show because] I don't want to expose my family or even my animals to the cameras all the time. You can't even go to the toilet because they shove a camera up your butt. I would probably throw the camera out the window. They did approach me once, though — the channel with the guy with the long hair. Gene Simmons? [Checks with son.] No, it was Ozzy Osbourne, who's a big teddy bear. A letter came to my desk and he wanted to know if I'd do a reality show. Bad or good, only God should know what you're doing at all times." — Jean-Claude Van Damme. [WSJ]
• "It was OK. I wasn’t into the waif thing. She kind of looked like my nephew. I mean she’s beautiful – she’s a very pretty nephew – but I’m more into curvy women." — Mark Wahlberg on posing with Kate Moss in those 1992 Calvin Klein ads. [The Sun]
• "I'm running a business. And sometimes being the boss of your own empire and creation, you have to be assertive. Being a female, that comes with being labeled a 'bitch' and given titles that men wouldn’t receive. But if that’s what I’m going to be called by being assertive and knowing who I am and what I want out of life, so be it. I wear that label proudly." — Christina Aguilera in Rolling Stone. [MSNBC]
• "I apparently offended some animal lovers. Um, really people? I love animals as much as anyone, I don't eat pork – so for those of you fighting that good fight against me ... shut up! I was just pointing out the fact that people in California seem to care more about animal rights than human rights … I'm not running around killing chickens for fun or firing a slingshot at a squirrel." — Samantha Ronson, resonding to people who were offended by her Prop 2 vs. Prop 8 post. [People]
• "[I said] 'Sen. Obama, when you were in school in Boston, did you encounter any racism?' And he said something really interesting. He said, um. He said, 'I'm Kanye West.'" — Sarah Silverman. [Page Six]

[Los Angeles, October 9. Image via x17]

[New York, September 8. Image via INF]

The Accused: Perez Hilton
The Crime: Blaming the victim.
The Evidence: Regarding the Christie Brinkley divorce, Peter Cook's affair and $3,000/month budget on internet porn, PH writes,

"Maybe Christie wasn't satisfying him??? Seems like that was DEFINITELY the case!"

Or! The dude is a cheating sex-addicted dirtbag! That could DEFINITELY be the case!
Additional crime: Reducing a woman to her orifices.
The Evidence: On a post about Sienna Miller dating two new men:

"Hey, she's got three holes - that's enough to keep three men happy easily."

Yeah, not funny.
The Sentence: 500-page essay on the objectification and dehumanization of women in our culture, with a 100-page well-researched addendum on the psychological state of children whose mothers have been cheated on by husbands who hooked up with teens not much older than the children themselves.

The Accused: Webster's Is My Bitch
The Crime: Bodysnarking an infant.
The Evidence: On a photo of Nicole and tiny, helpless Harlow Madden:

"Yikes. That's uh, some baby ya got there, Nicole. At any rate, if 'getting fat' isn't enough to dissuade Paris Hilton from procreating with Benji Madden, hopefully this oughta do it. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure the Madden brothers are perfectly nice and everything, but I don't know that "pasty, big head" are necessarily qualities I'd look for when choosing a sperm donor. Put a pair of ray bans and a fedora on that thing and I'd think that there was three of 'em."

The Sentence: A public apology and 60 hours community service in the neo-natal unit of your local hospital.

The Accused: Yeeeah
The Crime: Mocking a woman's weight, calling an average-sized woman "fat."
The Evidence: This description of Rachel Hunter:

"She looks like the East German hammer throwing team’s secret weapon, not a former swimsuit model turned reality star. It still doesn’t explain why her face got fatter, though. Maybe the folks at NBC made her maintain a strict circus diet of peanuts and cotton candy for her role as Bertha, the Lesbian Lumberjack Circus Clown. Rod Stewart sure dodged a bullet on this one!"

The ensemble is unfortunate, but she is on a circus show. And! Know what? She is 38 and makes way more money that you do. She doesn't have to put people down on the internet to feel better about herself. Shut yer trap.
The Sentence: A strict diet of peanuts and cotton candy for 90 days, followed by a bikini shoot to be plastered worldwide.

We interrupt this post to bring you…
The Drunken Stepfather Rant Of The Day:

"So, I went out to KFC to get my wife a bucket of chicken, and this black chick in the shortest fucking skirt and low cut shirt walks in like she’s Naomi Campbell and should be walking the runways in Paris and not the line-up at a fried chick place. Her body was lean, her legs were long and her tits were huge and she made me mad that I never bagged a black girl because I was always too scared they’d rob me. About a minute later, her pimp or boyfriend or dude she’s fuckin’ walks in and motherfucker was definitely packin’ heat, so I just minded my own business as they went at each other and her fondled her ass and stuck his tongue down her throat and she grabbed at his dick one minute, like they were at a swingers party but were really just at a fried chicken place, something equally sexy to some people. I just looked the other way because I wasn’t going to get shot and ignored them as they fought over their order and dude turned around and slapped her across the face for stepping out of line because he only had enough money for 1 drink and she called him a broke ass nigger in front of the whole restaurant, the next minute. It was a beautiful experience, one of total dysfunction and ghettoness, one far more beautiful than Naomi Campbell in a bikini kissing some rich white dude."

…You may now return to your regularly scheduled ennui.

The Accused: I Don't Like You In That Way
The Crime: Nasty nitpicking of a woman's body.
The Evidence: A "upskirt" photograph of Britney Spears, which is, in and of itself, a gross invasion of privacy, though, unfortunately, legal, is accompanied with this text: "If you have a short gag reflex, you might not want to look at these pictures of Britney Spears at Sur in West Hollywood the other night. Mostly because it looks like Britney's ass is growing a beard. I don't know the level of self-esteem it would take to wear this dress with hair growing out of your ass, but needless to say, Britney Spears could teach the class. If Britney's ass was bent over in front of me, I would be pretty sure that I was gay."
The Sentence: Any suggestions?

Want to report a Crime Against Womanity? Send the link to tips@jezebel.com with "Missdemeanors" in the subject line.

[Beverly Hills, March 3. Image via x17.]

• Did Hulk Hogan have an affair while he was still living with his wife, Linda? And was the woman he slept with a friend of his daughter, Brooke? [Perez Hilton]
  
• Nicole Richie's baby! On the cover of People! Cute! [People]
  
• Someone styled & shot Lindsay Lohan to look like a tired tranny hooker on the cover of Paper magazine. [The.Life Files]
  
• March 17: The date a judge will tell Sir Paul McCartney how many millions he has to give to ex Heather Mills. Mark your calendars! [Mirror]
  
• Is Amy Winehouse back on drugs? Friends say she feels rehab is turning her into "some sort of zombie with no emotion." She apparently says she feels "numb" and recently held a lighter over her hand and purposely burned her skin. Fuck. [The Sun]

• A court in Norway has postponed Amy's drug possession hearing. She was arrested there last October on charges of marijuana possession. She and Blake Incarcerated were due in court Friday, but Blake is due in court in the UK Friday, so he won't be able to make it. So many court dates, so little time. [USA Today]
• Gossip columnist Cindy Adams wrote that pregnant Nicole Kidman was drinking white wine backstage during the Oscars; Kidman's publicist, who was with Nicole backstage, says the beverage was tea and that Adams is "an idiot, and you can quote me." [News.com.au]
• Jenna Bush had a girls-only spa weekend bachelorette party in Boca Raton; her fiancé had a boys' weekend in Miami. [People]
• Jessica Simpson is traveling to Kuwait to "entertain" the troops. Just what they need. [People]
• High School Musical star Ashley Tisdale had a nose job in November; her recently released doll has her old nose. LOL. [MSNBC]
• Something is going on between Jonathan Jaxson of gossip site JJ's Dirt and Perez Hilton, but it's sort of too early to think about it. The gist: Sex tape in return for blogging help. "I fell in love with Perez. I thought he had a huge heart...but he's just a [bleep]hole," Jaxson says. YAWN. [Page Six]
• Jessica Alba says she was called a slut in 6th grade because she had big boobs. That ain't right. [Page Six]
• Did Selma Blair and model boyfriend Matt Felker split because he came home and found her with another man? [Gatecrasher]
• Britney Spears went to the Betsey Johnson store on Melrose in L.A. and asked if they could copy a Dolce & Gabbana dress. They were all, "uh, no." So she bought the yellow wig on a mannequin in the window. [Gatecrasher]
• The LAPD is investigating suspected drugger/robber Sam Lutfi, though they won't come out and say it. [TMZ]
• Kevin Federline is turning 30 next month with a huge party in Las Vegas. Think Brit's invited? [People]
• Lynne Spears has been praising her ex-husband Jamie for taking control of Britney's troubled life. A family friend says, "He's gathered a team of reputable people who are around [Britney] now. She's not well, but for the first time in a long time she has people around her who really care about her." [People]
• Gwyneth Paltrow has shot a public service announcement for UNICEF to raise money for HIV prevention. [People]
• Is Kate Hudson trying to bag Justin Timberlake? A source says she has been "texting him nonstop." But she's also seeing Owen Wilson, apparently. So. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which TV vixen, based in L.A., spent a lot of the writers' strike downtime in New York City? Word is that she was cheating on her boyfriend with her girlfriend." [Gatecrasher]
• That diamond band, wedding-ish ring Ashlee Simpson's been wearing? "It's a promise ring," she says. From Pete Wentz, natch. [Rush & Molloy]
• Bill Cosby is hosting the Playboy Jazz Festival, if you care. What would Claire Huxtable say? [AP]
• Isaiah Washington was on Capitol Hill meeting with the Congressional Black Caucus and lobbying to preserve the history of an island known off the coast of Sierra Leone. [Politico]
• A judge won't let Ja Rule post bail for his homies, who are co-defendants in a gun possession case. [Yahoo News]
• Josh Hartnett: Forced to fly coach. [Page Six]
• Oooh, Ludacris, Thandie Newton and Gerard Butler star in the new Guy Ritchie movie! [Page Six]
• Boy George denies he kept a 28-year-old Norwegian dude handcuffed in his apartment. Do you really want to hurt me??? [Yahoo News]
• Naomi Campbell remains hospitalized in Brazil, though her doctor says she is "completely cured and walking." Be well! [Yahoo News]