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The Breast Is A Tender Issue For Moms
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digitalsuze
03/12/09

In reply to The Breast Is A Tender Issue For Moms
Does Hanna Rosin also think that a V-8 is the nutritional equivalent of a salad?

You know, I have not found the breastfeeding experience to be such a polarizing one. I have friends who chose not to breastfeed. I have friends who tried, couldn't, and switched to formula. I have friends who are determined to give their babies breast milk and pump like crazy in order to do so. Some others supplement. As for myself, I nursed my older son for six months and supplemented during that time. My younger son is two-and-a-half, was exclusively breastfed for almost a year (his choice) and shows no signs of stopping. I hadn't planned to nurse him this long, but he seems to need to nurse longer and I'm in a position to let him. So be it.

Anyway, my experience is that all of my friends respect each other's choices, regardless of whether we agree with one another. Sure, I might think that some of my friends could have at least given nursing a try. Those same friends probably think I'm out of my mind to be nursing a kid who yells, "Want boob, peeeeze!" But we keep it to ourselves, because we respect each other's privacy and choices.

I cannot imagine experiencing a scene on the playground like the one Rosin describes. This is just another chapter in the media-created Mommy Wars. Give us a little credit, please!
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Tart of Darkness
03/12/09

@digitalsuze: Back when my daughter was a baby we got a break from the breastfeeding debate now and then when the media decided to tell us that our children would be far superior and/or emotional cripples based on whether or not they went to day care.

The only stress I felt about breastfeeding was from my in-laws who appeared to be completely freaked out about it. They also were freaked out about my going back to work when my baby was small.

But with friends and acquaintances it was no big deal. I was fortunate enough to not go to work full time until my daughter was 18 months old so I didn't have to do the pump thing which I think I couldn't have handled. She was breast fed until almost 11 months.
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debbyherbenick
03/12/09

In reply to The Breast Is A Tender Issue For Moms
Right on. To pit women against each in this way is horrific when, as you said, moms try to do the best they can as parents and there are reasons why breastfeeding works well for some and not for others (Such as those worried about passing on medications or infection to their babies via breast milk, or those who for relatationship or work reasons find it's a barrier).
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Deborah Mancino
03/12/09

In reply to The Breast Is A Tender Issue For Moms
Well, all I can go by is anecdotal evidence but I was formula-fed and I have allergies, near-sightedness, crooked teeth,a struggle with my weight, etc. My two exclusively breastfed babies have none of these issues. They are by two different dads too. So there you go. Was it easy to breastfeed them? No. Did I judge others for not breastfeeding? I tried hard not to and avoided the topic. Am I happy with the hard work I put in? Yes. Feeding a baby should never have been about what was convenient.
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Tart of Darkness
03/12/09

@Deborah Mancino: "I have allergies, near-sightedness, crooked teeth, etc. "

My daughter was breastfed and has all of these, too. Her dad and I are near-sighted, we both have allergies, we both had braces, etc. You can't fix genetics with one nutritional factor.

I assume you love them as much as you would if they did have "allergies, near-sightedness, crooked teeth,a struggle with weight, etc. " So what difference does it make?
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Maritsa
03/12/09

In reply to The Breast Is A Tender Issue For Moms
I also want to say that BFing moms get plenty of judgment too. One of my sister's co-workers gave her a can of formula while she was pregnant. It was formula for older babies (9 months +) and my sister said, no thanks, I'm going to breastfeed. Her co-worker snottily said "That's what YOU think." (The co-worker didn't BF her kids.) Also, the first time my son got sick a friend who formula fed said "Gee, I thought breastfed babies weren't supposed to get sick?" and smirked, as if she enjoyed the fact that my baby was breastfed and had a cold. I don't judge moms who formula fed. My kid started out on formula and I was able to transition to combo feeding and then to completely BFing. But it does go both ways. Just because I breastfed, and worked really hard to do so (thrush, clogged ducts, blood blisters) doesn't mean I'm a "lactodictator" or obsessed with breastfeeding. Some moms just want to breastfeed.
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iplaudius
03/12/09

In reply to The Breast Is A Tender Issue For Moms
I think no one should make anyone feel guilty, but I’m glad my mother chose Mother Nature over manufactured baby formula.

It is hard to test things like this scientifically. I have heard, for example, that babies fed all-formula are more likely to develop severe allergies later in life. Is that true? How would they test that?
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Cafezinha
03/12/09

In reply to The Breast Is A Tender Issue For Moms
Upper-class parents jingle?

Dude, formula is insanely expensive. I would think it would be more accessible to those with MORE money, not less.

I breastfed the mini-Zinhas because I thought it was the right thing to do, but also easier than preparing all those bottles for 2 babies and FREE. I can't fathom what the cost of enough babymilk to keep two infants well-fed would have added up to.

And WIC doesn't cover a full month, as I've heard from some gals using those checks to buy formula for their babies.
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Laines
03/12/09

@Cafezinha: not afraid to get servicey on your ass.: WIC was explained for me that it won't buy your entire needs but it supplements the basic healthy needs. You either get the BF plan (heavy on food for mama) or the Formula Plan (Less food for mama but w/a certain amount of formula).
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Cafezinha
03/12/09

@Laines: Since I was nursing (and the mister was a lowly enlisted at the time) we got the "feed mama" plan. Because I had twins, I had so much milk, juice, tunafish, and carrots, that I couldn't always finish them. Well, the juice, anyway; none of us like juice very much. I would have rather had extra milk for myself. :)
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DutchessOfDork
03/12/09

In reply to The Breast Is A Tender Issue For Moms
I don't think I will breastfeed if I have children. I just don't feel comfortable doing it, and I feel awkward just being around it (though I never give anyone grief for doing so, it's my problem not theirs).
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killershrew
03/12/09

In reply to The Breast Is A Tender Issue For Moms
Where are these obstetricians' waiting rooms that Rosin mentions, the ones that ram the value of breastfeeding down our throats? They sure as hell aren't in rural Georgia, where at my prenatal visits -- and at the early visits to the pediatrician after my daughter was born -- I was bombarded with promotional materials from formula companies, given free formula samples, and encouraged to switch to formula at every turn. The doctors in town knew jack shit about breastfeeding, and I finally was referred -- by a sympathetic nurse, under conditions of anonymity -- to a semi-underground network of breastfeeding moms who helped me solve my problems. Hardly the unilateral Tyranny of the Breast that Rosin describes.

I was formula-fed (and I turned out okay), but I breast-fed my daughter. It was extremely difficult at first, but we could say that about many other natural processes (see: childbirth), and after a week or so we got the hang of it and it worked great. I am not doing a superior dance. It worked out well for me and it doesn't work out as well for other moms. I have no problem with moms who weigh their options and make a conscious choice to formula feed. But what bugs me is the lack of information and support that pushes moms into making an uninformed decision, and my beef there isn't with the moms who are doing the best they can but with the health care system and the piss-poor job it's doing with maternal and child health issues.
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Laines
03/12/09

@killershrew: Didn't Nestle and the formula companies get in trouble for this? Flooding their promos and samples on the people that maybe cannot afford it? (I realize I am making an economic assumption about rural Georgia but if I am incorrect I hope someone will nicely point it out, thanks.)
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Maritsa
03/12/09

@Laines: Formula companies have gotten in trouble in the U.S. for misstatements in advertising, and Nestle (and other formula companies, but Nestle has born the brunt of it) has gotten in trouble world-wide for promoting the use of formula in places with dirty water, which made babies sick.

Google "Nestle boycott" if you're interested - it is kind of shocking.
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j.a.l.
03/12/09

In reply to The Breast Is A Tender Issue For Moms
Oh yes, I forgot to add: Mastitis.

Even though I pump, I've been *lucky* enough to get it twice in the span of two months. It always makes me think, fuck it, I'm just going to give formula from now on.
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scullymurphy
03/13/09

@j.a.l.: Me too. Twice in 6 weeks. I'm really re-thinking my pumping regime right now...
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plzprettypuss
03/12/09

In reply to The Breast Is A Tender Issue For Moms
I hate how if you can't breastfeed, you need to justify it somehow (like being on medication, unasble to produce enough, ect.) I'm shallow. I have fantastic boobs (at least I like to think!). I have never known a breastfeeding woman who hasn't had some kind of long term change in their breasts as a result. I don't oppose it, but I have no problem saying that, for totally shallow reasons, I won't do it. I'd rather my boobs change as little as possible in my lifetime. If that makes me a horrible mother, so be it.
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bebedamour
03/12/09

@plzprettypuss: FYI, my boobies are glorious, after two babies, just sayin', not automatic boob disintegration, gaining/losing alot of weight will do as much damage, IMHO...
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LaComtesse
03/12/09

@bebedamour: I went from a 38E to a 34C through weight loss and I can tell you, it was like a tour of Nam for my ladies. I reeeeeeeeeeeally want a boob lift.
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stonebiscuit rolled a 1 on initiative
03/12/09

In reply to The Breast Is A Tender Issue For Moms
I was breastfed. I'm smart and generally healthy, but I'm also--surprise!--plagued by allergies, ear infections stemming from severe congestion, recently developing lactose intolerance, and acne (or I was, anyway). So I don't know where this Sears guy got his information, but he sounds like a mother-shaming lunatic.
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Dottie Gale
03/12/09

@stonebiscuit is a ΓΔΙ: He is a mother-shaming lunatic. Trust.
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veronykah
03/12/09

@stonebiscuit is a ΓΔΙ: I was breast fed and am smart and healthy. I have no allergies, ear infections, lactose intolerance, or acne.

I don't think we prove anything either way.

Also, hasn't it been proven if you grow up with animals in your house it decreases the incidence of allergies?

Cats and dogs growing up...no allergies.

[www.revolutionhealth.com]
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Maritsa
03/12/09

@stonebiscuit is a ΓΔΙ: Sears is not a mother-shaming lunatic. He's a really well-known pediatrician who supports "Attachment parenting." I have my issues with him, but geez.
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Mama Penguino
03/12/09

@Maritsa: I have lots of anecdotal evidence of the poppycockery of attachment parenting, but it could be the parents I know who do this aren't really following Sears' model.
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Maritsa
03/12/09

@Mama Penguino: Like I said I have some issues with him - I don't believe his assertions about "AP babies" being smarter or happier or whatnot - but nothing he advocates is crazy, IMO. The basics of attachment parenting are pretty OK in my book. I do think a lot of attachment-parenting types are nutso, but a lot of people are nutso, so...
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veronykah
03/12/09

In reply to The Breast Is A Tender Issue For Moms
To start, I have no kids, never want them and know virtually zero about them.

I am curious though and hoping someone can answer my question. I keep seeing people saying they can't breastfeed or their babies don't do it or don't do well with it. Before there was formula what happened to these babies or what were they fed instead?

Is this where a wet nurse came in? Or were they only for the upper class?

Just wonderin....
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Leucadia
03/12/09

@veronykah: It's an interesting subject. First, of course, before there were "lactation specialists," women almost always gave birth attended by other women (mother, sisters, midwives, granny, whoever) who would have helped them learn how to breastfeed properly. And they would have seen it done before, so they would have more experience than we have now. If a baby couldn't or wouldn't suck, it might have been fed animal milk, sugar water, pap (bread soaked in water to a runny paste), etc. And probably some of those babies died. Women who had the resources and didn't want to breastfeed (in the 18th century it was thought to ruin the decolletage) would have hired wet nurses.

Baby formula was invented in the mid-late 19th century; I think Mellin's Food was the first. Formulas were various preparations of dried cow's milk with sugar, starch, etc added to make them more palatable. They would have provided calories, protein and carbs, but probably not very good nutrition as we now consider it. Poor mothers in the late nineteenth century fed sweetened condensed milk, as it was considered "safer" than fresh milk (which it was, if the fresh milk was unpasteurized and carried typhoid, etc.).
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veronykah
03/12/09

@Leucadia: Wow, very interesting. Thanks!
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Mama Penguino
03/12/09

In reply to The Breast Is A Tender Issue For Moms
When Little P came home from China, out of nowhere I got a call from an acquaintance who urged me -- implored me! to look into inducing lactation. I did not, and you know, I might even have considered it if Little P had been one month old as opposed to 10 months old, but my god! She's big with Le Leche, though.
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doodley is not amused
03/12/09

@Mama Penguino: LOL. See my comment above. My daughter was 9 months old, and I guarantee you she would have looked at that boob, looked at me, and been like "WTF? Where is my bottle, crazy woman? Get my bottle and, for that matter, MY NOODLES."
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Mama Penguino
03/12/09

@doodley is not amused: Oh, god, yes. My daughter would have been all, "where are the frigging American cheese slices, lady?" Although lately, Little P has wanted to pretend like she's nursing. And she's almost 5! I go along with it because it's pretty innocuous. She doesn't even know what she's doing. She just kisses my breast (over clothes, btw). And lord, don't let me start getting hate mail for that!

@blades31: This is particularly poignant for me today as I ended up dragging an attached kid (on my leg) through preschool as I tried to leave!
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SunburnedCounsel
03/12/09

@Mama Penguino: oh god yes, see my comment above. miniCounsel could be any day now, and while they will be newborn, I still think it's so weird to get this pressure. Maybe even extra because people maintain that we'll never bond with this "poor, adopted child" without breastfeeding. I've actually heard alot of "especially because they'll be adopted..."
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bimmermama
03/12/09

In reply to The Breast Is A Tender Issue For Moms
I'm so tired of this holier-than-thou stance on breastfeeding...

I had every intention of breastfeeding my son. I went to breastfeeding classes before he was born, I read up on the subject, spoke to other moms about their experiences... At the end of a full-term uneventful pregnancy I met my beautiful baby boy who then spent five days in the NICU and had to endure surgery on his tiny body at two weeks of age because his system was rejecting any and all nourishment - His system could handle neither breast nor bottle.

My heart ached to give him anything and everything to make him ok and I physically ached to breastfeed him. After nine months of protecting him and nourishing him, I suddenly couldn't.

Three years later thanks to love and modern medicine, he is a healthy, smart, vibrant little boy. Somehow through all of this I was still judged - even by those who knew what we were going through. It's baffling to think that smart, rational people can say "maybe you should have tried harder to breastfeed" when it just wasn't even an option for us.

I'll get off my soapbox now...
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badmutha
03/12/09

@bimmermama: I am glad he is ok. I am sure that was terrifying. Tell those haters " No I didn't breastfeed, but you can suck it."
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LaComtesse
03/12/09

@bimmermama: After all you've been through, you stay on that soapbox as long as you damn well please, girl!

I'm so glad to hear that everything went well and am sorry to hear you had to encounter so much assholery.
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Ratinski
03/12/09

In reply to The Breast Is A Tender Issue For Moms
This post has me realize that...I have no idea whether my mother breast-fed or formula-fed or both. Really. I suspect there was breastfeeding, as we were poor, and I also have vague, fuzzy memories of formula being around when my sister was a baby. It could have been that my mother used both. It could have been that RatinskiSister didn't handle breast milk well, but I have no idea. And I don't really care - we all turned out fine.

And, really, isn't this the point? Whichever you choose, your kids will probably turn out fine.
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