These "cursing toy" local news stories tend to come out around the holidays, with such suspicious frequency that one has to wonder if local news producers aren't finding these outraged parents on Craig's List. The most famous (and still funniest) toy audio malfunction has to be the Elmo potty training book that asked toddlers "Who wants to die?":

Hannah Montana Doll a Potty Mouth! [YouTube]
Called Who Wants to Die? [YouTube]

Everyone is famous; all it takes is one viral video or dumb reality show or talent contest to project an unknown into the weird realm of celebrity, where every move they make is documented and fawned over (or ripped apart) until the public tires of them and moves on to something else. In a way, this has always been the case for celebrity, in terms of having unknowns suddenly become the "next big thing," but the instant access to millions via the internet has enabled everyone to take a shot at becoming a star, regardless of their location, age, or talent level, and the "next big thing" has seen his or her 15 minutes shrink down to approximately 2.8 seconds. Unless, of course, you're Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, who will never disappear, because the universe just likes to fuck with us sometimes.

In a world where everyone is a star, it's not surprising that children are looking at fame not as a one-in-a-million shot, but as a right and an inevitability. Kids are always dreaming of the far-fetched, but as Denise Martin of the Los Angeles Times points out, selling the concept of celebrity to kids has become a full-blown business, with children's television shows increasingly focusing on the life of tween celebrities. Martin notes that selling celebrity fantasies to kids is nothing new, "but the genre is stronger than ever now and more fixated on the perks of the glamorous Hollywood lifestyle as Nickelodeon and the Disney Channel compete for the youngest audiences."

Martin interviews several producers, directors, and execs involved in the celebrity kid show genre, and all of them seem to have a "well, it's what the kids want" kind of attitude that completely dismisses the notion that perhaps kids want to watch shows about insta-celebs and famous tweens because it's been shoved down their throat since birth. "If there is anything I've learned about kids today — and I'm not saying this is good or bad — it's that they all want to be stars," iCarly' Dan Schneider tells Martin, "I'm not saying it wouldn't be nice if more of them wanted to be teachers and social workers; it would be. But at least in 'Victorious,' you see a world where they're all working on the talent part."

I don't think anybody expects Nickelodeon or the Disney Channel to put out a television show about a young girl who dreams of being a social worker, but the main issue I have with the celebrity kid genre is that it's so, so boring. It's SO boring! Granted, I'm 28 years old and not the target demographic, but it seems like every show is centered around a singer, or a fashion designer, or an actress who has to deal with the pressures of fame. Where are the Pete & Petes of this generation? The Clarissas? The Hey, Dudes? The shows that are capable of capturing kids' attention and pushing positive themes without drowning the messages in sparkles and plot lines about going on tour or what a drag it is to be famous? Where are the shows about real kids in real situations? Will somebody please think of the children?!

"Every kid thinks they're five minutes away and one lucky circumstance from being famous," Nickelodeon's Marjorie Cohn tells Martin, "We've always responded to what's out there in the cultural zeitgeist and spin it Nickelodeon style." It's too bad that nobody is bothering to take the reins and perhaps change the way kids look at life. It's not that I think kids are idiots and can't just enjoy fantasy programs for what they are, but when the adults of society are also buying in to the insta-celebrity crap, it may be harder for kids to separate reality from fiction. Being famous isn't everything, no matter what the television tells you. If only Clarissa were still around to explain it all.

Child's Play [LATimes]

According to a piece by Anna Stewart for Variety:

Brooks Brothers carries the Mad Men Edition suit, with costume designer Janie Bryant clearly credited.

But Bryant's fellow costume designers usually do not share in her good fortune. You will not find their names on those trendsetting dresses, those must-have leather jackets, those sought-after dolls — all those commercial goodies that came out of such films as Hannah Montana, The Matrix, Spider-Man, and Wall Street. Those creative minds didn't see a dime of your expenditure. And it's the same story for just about every costume designer in Hollywood.

In ye olde Hollywood, costume designers like Adrian (The Wizard Of Oz, Grand Hotel, The Philadelphia Story) and Edith Head (All About Eve, Roman Holiday, To Catch A Thief) were household names; and this list of iconic fashion statements in movies includes the designers — and costume designers' names. But you've probably never heard of Deena Appel. She designed the costumes for all three Austin Powers films, and tells Variety:

"When Austin Powers became dolls, Halloween costumes and board games, and it went on for years, not only am I not compensated for that in any way, shape or form, I am not even credited for it."

While Mad Men is on its way to making Janie Bryant a household name, what about the other costume designers working in film and TV? If we know the name Rachel Zoe, why not know Eric Daman and Meredith Markworth-Pollack — costume designers for Gossip Girl? As Hollywood style guru Cameron Silver says: "Because Janie Bryant is getting personal acclaim right now, other studios might see the opportunity to make money. Studios have forgotten that they could be developing household names for their costume designers."

Designers Push Recognizable Retail, Fashionistas Weigh In On Decades Of Style [Variety]

Before we get the proverbial knickers in a twist (by the way: how does one manage this?) don't worry: as the video shows, Noah Cyrus's activities backstage before the infamous Teen Choice Awards can be termed a "pole dance" in only the strictest sense: she and some little friends alternately run around it maypole-style, or flop about in a desultory fashion. As a number of viewers have pointed out, most kids her age don't even know what a stripper pole is.

Well, Noah might, if only for the reason that the same evening, her older sister went on to execute a controversial routine on one. Whether a 9-year-old would get the implication or not, she was gonna see it, if she hadn't already (kind of the issue with imitative behavior, after all.) And even if you can dismiss Noah's actions as innocent - and I do - it's rather hard to know why her parents would apparently sign off on a posed shot of Noah and said little friends around said pole, which they then distributed to the media.

Of course, it's been a while since we stopped trying to understand the workings of the Cyrus parents' hive mind: simply put, they seem to be terrible, and irresponsible, in the grand tradition of exploitative stage-parents. Like I said before, maybe we could look the other way on the weird Vanity Fair shot - big city lights and all that - but the adult-sanctioned Lolita stuff had us raising eyebrows, and this is just another nail in the coffin. Writes Cara Lisa Berg Powers on the Wimn blog,

I do, in fact, care what Tish and Billy Ray Cyrus think, because ultimately, it sets a social standard for parents all over the country, who, Spike TV's website speculates, will have their tween children begging them for stripper poles this Christmas...This isn't about girls getting in touch with and developing healthy pride in their own sexuality. This is about calculating adults and corporate entities who profit by shaping tween and teen girl icons into pop culture Lolitas.

Y'know, I think it's time we gave up on the Cyrus parents. Harsh? Maybe. But they're not suddenly going to turn into responsible disciplinarians who make good choices. The girls are kids, yes. As Powers says, it's the parents who are really going to dictate what happens here, and however Miley and Noah turn out, I think it's time to deliver verdict on their guardians: they're bad role models. And hey, no one's giving the House of Mouse a pass here, either: in either an act of colossal ostrich-imitation or a calculated attempt to cash in on the now-inevitable Lolit-ization of their cash cow, they've issued perhaps the most devastating salvo yet: Hanna Montana-brand cherries.

Noah Cyrus POLE DANCING? What? Teen Choice Awards PRE-PARTY [YouTube]
I Don't Care What Miley's Parents Think…[WIMN]
Miley Cyrus' 'Teen Choice' performance sparks debate [LAT]
Hannah Montana's Cherries: Available Everywhere! [DLIsted]
Miley Cyrus' Little Sister, Noah Cyrus, Stripper Pole Party - Photos [Insider]

Earlier: Strip Club Disapproves Of Miley's Crappy Pole-Dancing

• Is Britney being forced to tour? An insider says she's emotionally fragile, but her father insists the show must go on. The source claims:

"It's a freak show right now. [Britney's] phoning every song in. It's pretty obvious she is not happy to be here." [MSNBC via E!]

• Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart hung out after the MTV Movie awards and got cozy and OMG maybe something is going on and OMG it's just like Twilight OMG. [Gatecrasher]
• A source says Susan Boyle has been flooded with offers from all over the world, but Simon Cowell says, "Susan isn't signing anything or doing anything until she is better." Yes, thank you, Captain Obvious. [Daily Express]
• According to this report, Susan Boyle collapsed before being hospitalized — she had been crying all day and then passed out in her room; when she was admitted to the clinic, she wailed, "Where's Pebbles?" Medics arranged a phone call to her "beloved cat." [The Sun]
• This paper calls what happened to Susan Boyle an "anxiety attack." [Mirror]
• BGT Judge Amanda Holden says of Susan Boyle: "It's probably a blessing she didn't win as it takes off some of the pressure. Perhaps now she can relax." [Telegraph]
• Uh, Prince Charles watches Britain's Got Talent? [Telegraph]
• "Susan Boyle and Jon & Kate Gosselin are victims ... and YOU'RE to blame." [NY Daily News]
• In a poll, 48% of people who bothered to answer think that the eight Gosselin kids from Jon & Kate Plus 8 will be worse off for having taken part in the show. [USA Today]
• So, are Jon and Kate's "plus 8" being exploited? This columnist writes, "Of course they are." [MSNBC Scoop]
• What does Nadya Suleman think of all this? "[Kate] needs to stop being so judgmental and stop pulling at straws for attention. My children are extremely healthy, strong and happy. Don't you have, like, a lot of issues in your life? A lot of marital problems? Why are you so desperate to glob on to my life? For attention?" Wait, what? [Radar Online]
• Lady GaGa would like to have a foursome with the Jonas Brothers. "I love them. They're very talented!" [Gatecrasher]
• Beth Ditto looks pretty awesome on the cover of Attitude magazine. Inside, she calls "I Kissed A Girl" a "boner dyke" anthem for "straight girls who like to turn guys on by making out or like faking gay." And! She says: "I hate Katy Perry! She's offensive to gay culture, I'm so offended. She's just riding on the backs of our culture, without having to pay any of the dues and not being actually lesbian or anything at all. She's on the cover of a fucking gay magazine." [Perez]
• Amy Winehouse's "Caribbean detox" is not exactly going as planned: By 9am she's had two shots of tequila, and this reporter says, "You can see scars which indicate that she has been self-harming - cutting herself - again and there are two cigarette burns on her stomach, which are healing." A worker in the resort says: "Over the past couple of weeks she's been drinking more and more. She used to have colour in her drinks - you know, juice - but now all I can see is clear liquid." [Daily Mail]
• Remember that Maserati Lindsay Lohan was cruising around in? It's yours, if you have $25,000 — check eBay. Fender benders? What fender benders? [TMZ]
• Shia LaBeouf will star in the latest John Grisham novel-turned-movie. [Gatecrasher]
• Adam Lambert's mom was asked about her son's sexuality and said, "I would rather not answer until it comes out." Interesting choice of words! She also says: "We signed a contract with Idol and unless it has been set up by them, I'm not allowed to answer." [E!]
• You probably guessed this, but the Eminem/Bruno stunt at the MTV Movie Awards was staged. [EW, LA Times]
• An insider says that Eminem was actually the second choice — Paris Hilton was MTV's first choice. Eminem was definitely the funnier choice. [Life & Style]
• Evan Rachel Wood: Seen making out with Shane West in Las Vegas. [Page Six]
• Some stalkerazzo asked Michael Jackson if he was gonna tour with the Jackson 5 and MJ nodded yes, so TMZ is reporting that there will indeed be a special one-night concert with the Jackson 5 and Janet in Texas. [TMZ]
• The very fabric of the world unravels as we discover that Robert De Niro stole his famous "You talkin' to me?" line in Taxi Driver from Bruce Springsteen. [Daily Express]
• What will Olympic gymnast and Dancing With The Stars winner Shawn Johnson do next? Go to college. She's narrowed it down to Stanford or UCLA and says, "I'm not sure what I'll be studying yet. Maybe I'll choose something in the medical field." [Gatecrasher]
• Nicole Kidman dropped out of a Woody Allen movie, in which she was to play a call girl, and Brit actress Lucy Punch has taken over the role. She has similar alabaster skin, so maybe that's integral to the part? [Page Six]
• What the world needs now: A Dubai version of Paris Hilton's My New BFF. Except, since it's the UAE, there's no alcohol, and swearing, sexually explicit conversation or risque clothing will be kept to a minimum. How sad is it that we live in a world where it's hard to picture a reality show without all that? [Variety]
• The Veronicas are in talks with MTV about launching a reality show in the U.S. — it would be a behind-the-scenes look at their life in the music scene. [News.com.au]
• Mel Gibson: Hasn't been taking communion recently. Probably because, technically, he is an adulterer. [People]
• Peter Andre is now living in a "huge seaside pad" in Hove, East Sussex — just a 30 minute drive from his estranged wife Katie "Jordan" Price and their kids. [The Sun]
• Here, the manse is called his "dream home." [Daily Mail]
• Peter Andre says: "I've been 100 per cent faithful throughout my marriage and still am." [Mirror]
• Put on your blonde wig and sing: The Disney Channel has ordered a fourth season of Hannah Montana. [Variety]
• The subject of the NY Times' Frequent Flier column today is Duff McKagan, of Guns N' Roses, Velvet Revolver and Loaded. He talks about bribing immigration officers of South American countries so his band could get in, and says: "Although I've never been convicted of a felony or even a misdemeanor, I have a suspicion that I'm persona non grata in airports. I'm always the guy that gets 'randomly' selected for a more thorough security check. I'm really the most nonthreatening of travelers. I mean, how much of a scene can I cause when I spend time doing crossword puzzles? I'm actually a crossword puzzle fanatic." [NY Times]
• Stephen Dorff is dating his publicist. [Page Six]
• Alyssa Milano will star in and produce a romcom called My Girlfriend's Boyfriend. The plot: An outgoing woman meets two seemingly ideal men in quick succession — a struggling novelist and successful ad exec — and must decide between them. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Excellent news: Sade is working on her first album in nine years. [Reuters]
• "A previously unseen photograph of Jane Fonda as Barbarella by Paul Joyce is to go on display." [Telegraph]
• Did you know that John Ratzenberger has been part of every Pixar release over the last 14 years? [USA Today]
• Jerry Springer razzle dazzled in his London debut playing the lawyer Billy Flynn in the hit musical Chicago. [Daily Mail]
• Blind item! "Which old-school pair of actor brothers constantly tag-team at parties, picking up the youngest girls they can find?" [Gatecrasher]
• "Don't call it 'civics' because 'civics' is easily the most boring word in America. Call it what it is: political power. I've got a very simple thing her. I've got a nonprofit initiative to get K-12 grades back to civics, to give our children real-world knowledge and hopefully wisdom about how to run this complex governance system. That's it. That's enough." — Richard Dreyfuss, on the The Dreyfuss Initiative. [AP]
• "He's a social butterfly, and loves being on tour. He loves it so much, he thinks it's absolutely hilarious to embarrass me as much as possible. For example, [I'm] walking into the hotel lobby after returning from dinner. It's a quiet, serene, beautiful when … Screaming voice from out of nowhere: 'HEY! THAT'S TAYLOR SWIFT!!' Me: 'Dad. Please stop doing that.'" — Taylor Swift. [People]
• "This season I made it like a sorority, the Paris sorority. It's about sisterhood, and they have to follow certain rules. In real life, you know, I'm not that superficial." — Paris Hilton, on the new season of My New BFF. [Mirror via E!]
• "I couldn't have given him kids - and anyway I want black kids, not white kids." — Amy Winehouse, on the news that her husband Blake is expecting a child with a blonde he met in rehab. [Daily Mail]
• "I stopped doing (romantic comedies). They are terrible; they are bad. They are not funny, so they shouldn't be a romantic comedy and most of the time they are not romantic. So they shouldn't be called a romantic comedy. They should be called that other kind of film. I'm not calling [The Proposal] a romantic comedy." — Sandra Bullock. [MSNBC]
• "Kanye West is the person pissing me off right now. The entire time Kanye is going, 'They need more fur in this show.' He just wouldn't shut up about how he loved fur. I mean, he's saying this to me, the PETA guy and Paul McCartney! I was just so grossed out by him. I'm like, 'You're an idiot!' There are so many people who I think are a waste of skin and he's up there. I should wear him." — Pink, to FHM Australia. [The Life Files]

• Miley Cyrus wants to dump her boyfriend Justin Gaston, but her father doesn't approve:

According to the National Enquirer, "Billy Ray thinks Justin is a solid, stand-up Christian guy who keeps his nose clean and stays out of trouble," says a source. But: "It's finally dawning on (Miley) that she's young, rich and famous," the source said. "And she can have any guy she's interested in." [MSNBC via National Enquirer]

• Poor Jonas Brothers: Their new show has fewer viewers than Miley Cyrus' Hannah Montana. [LA Times]
• Lindsay Lohan is hazardous to little sister Ali Lohan's health, says a psychiatrist who does not treat either of them. "If you have an older child who is breaking a lot of the rules and engaging in dangerous and risky behavior, this can have a negative impact on the younger child," says Dr. Eva Ritvo. Um, duh. [NY Daily News]
• The self-proclaimed father of Mercy, the child Madonna is trying to adopt, is being called an "opportunist" by Mercy's family. [NY Daily News]
• Did writer James Frey tape his phonecalls with Oprah Winfrey or did he just make it seem like he did, in a new "fictional" passage in his book? [Page Six]
• George Clooney is willing to help his buddy Rande Gerber — Cindy Crawford's husband — in regards to that sexual-harassment lawsuit filed against him. Turns out Cloons was with Gerber the night of the alleged incident. This should get interesting… [E!]
• Gerber says both he and Clooney are willing to take lie detector tests! [MSNBC Scoop]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Is Gisele Bundchen pregnant? [Page Six]
• Courteney Cox ran into Brad Pitt at a concert — you know, her best friend's ex-husband — and "chatted away" with him all night. Page Six seems to think this was evil of her. [Page Six]
• Spencer Pratt spoke to The Daily Beast, dropping gems like: "Heidi and I do we love fame… We're honored to be famous. We feel blessed to be famous. We pray every day to stay famous. It's the most fun. That's our mentality with fame. That's why we're so different than everybody else in these tabloids-because we embrace it." He also says: "Interscope can put $18 million behind Nicole Scherzinger's flop solo album, but Heidi and I are going the underground route, where iTunes takes its cut, and the rest goes to Heidi. Sure, Lady Gaga's got hit songs, but she's eating at Taco Bell. Heidi's got amazing songs and has her portrait on the wall at Cut [steak house in Los Angeles]." And! "Twittering is an absolute gift from God." [The Daily Beast]
• So you know how Jessica Simpson is, inexplicably, on the June cover of Vanity Fair? The mag's PR director says it's because: "She's at a crossroads in her career… Where she's headed - or not - says a lot about the nature of celebrity in America. And she looks pretty decent in a swimsuit, contrary to recent reports." All together now: *headdesk.* [MSNBC Scoop]
• Amy Winehouse has been "frolicking" with a "mystery man" in St. Lucia; as seen in these pictures, dude is dark & lovely. He may be a "local sheller" named Anton Moses; a source says: "Amy has become very cozy with Anton. Amy sets aside every evening to spend time with him and each day he saves her his best shell." [Daily Mail]
• The woman who is accused of having a thing with Jon Gosselin of Jon & Kate Plus 8 speaks! Deanna Hummel says: "We're just friends." [People]
• Susan Boyle is so popular now she's had to changed her phone number. For her home phone, that is: The "technophobe" has been given a mobile phone but is "nervous" about using it. [The Sun]
• Dolly Parton's children's book, I Am A Rainbow, drops May 14. "It's about moods - pink for shy, red for angry, green for jealous," she says. "It teaches children that we all have these moods; it's about what you do with them." [USA Today]
• Liam Neeson has spoken to the ski instructor who last saw Natasha Richardson alive. A source says: "He was very dignified and never sought to blame anyone - he just wanted to understand what happened for his own peace of mind." [The Sun]
• NBC wants advertisers to know that Jay Leno is "advertiser friendly," and "not afraid to experiment with live commercials and with sponsorships." Which doesn't sound desperate at all! [AdAge]
• "Since swine flu is super trendy I wanted to make sure I was in style with my swine flu ring!" blogged Katy Perry. There's a picture of her new ring, which is a sparkly flying piggy. Katy also blogged about a conversation she had with her cat, Kitty Purry: "Kitty Purry was telling me the other night that she remembers when bird flu was in and now pig flu is cool and she wonders when kitty flu is gonna hit," writes Perry, "as she would like to be more popular than she currently already is. Fame whore." [People]
• Ed Westwick was spotted kissing costar Jessica Szohr at the BritWeek charity football match in L.A., but when asked if his girlfriend was there to support him, Westwick answered, "My who?" [Mirror]
• Christina Aguilera will make her silver screen debut in a flick called Burlesque. She'll play "an ambitious smalltown girl with a big voice who finds love, family and success in a Los Angeles neo-burlesque club." In other words, yes, she will sing. [Variety]
• Jack White wants Kate Moss on his new band Dead Weather's album. As an aside: White Moss would be a cool name for a band. [The Sun]
• By the by, Meg White is engaged to guitarist Jackson Smith, son of Patti Smith and Fred Smith. [People]
• Also betrothed: Alyssa Milano and CAA agent Dave Bugliari, who just had an engagement party Saturday. [E!]
• Bebe Neuwirth was wed to Chris Calkins, founder of Napa Valley's Destino vineyard, in a "quiet" Buddhist/Christian ceremony performed by Peter Coyote, who has one of the best voices in showbiz. [Page Six]
• Mad Men! Returns! But will be sorta delayed! It was supposed to come back in July! But we'll have to wait until August! Still! Mad Men! Returns! [Variety]
• Click the link at the end of this sentence if you would like to see a giant Lego portrait of JK Rowling, which kids helped build. [Telegraph]
• Your friend Billy Zane has baby fever! "I'm single right now — and kind of loving it," he says. "[But] I hear the patter of little feet. But I foresee that - I sense it, I feel it, I feel it coming. It's just a sense that you get. I think I'm ready for fatherhood. But I'm not out there hunting for my bride - as of yet." Then he got in the lifeboat and left you behind. [Daily Express]
• Ed McMahon, who was suing L.A.'s Cedars-Sinai hospital for misdiagnosing a neck fracture, has settled his lawsuit. [TMZ]
• "Dallas star Victoria Principal 'threatened maid with a gun after accusing her of taking too long walking her dog.'" [Daily Mail]
• "It's peculiar and unnerving in a way to see so many young people walking around with cellphones and iPods in their ears and so wrapped up in media and video games. It robs them of their self-identity. It's a shame to see them so tuned out to real life." — Bob Dylan to Rolling Stone. [Page Six]
• "You know, I've seen him [Springsteen] several times in concert, and I've only met him twice and I put out my hand and I mumbled. I couldn't get a sentence out. The same thing happened with Mick Jagger. We were on the plane coming back from Miami." — Henry Winkler, aka The Fonz. [Daily Express]
• "I no longer feel insecure about my acting. Early on I took any job that was offered, milking it for the money. I had no idea what I was doing - that's when insecurity and self-loathing start." — Tom Hanks, star of Turner Y Hooch. [Mirror]
• "My friend's mom, Wendy, blogs almost daily on a site called Wendy from Encore which goes great with my morning coffee. I like to catch up with my friends across the country by reading their blogs, which is ironic as the phrases 'my friend's blog,' 'blogging' or 'blogosphere' always make me cringe. I just happen to have some very clever friends who are wonderful writers and offer up a slice of real everyday life." — Scarlett Johansson. [The Daily Beast]
• "I always find it funny that so much skin-cream advertising features, like, Jessica Alba. She's gorgeous and 12!" — Brooke Shields to More. [Page Six]

[Munich, April 25. Image via Getty.]

[Munich, April 25. Image via Getty.]

At the end of the film, Miley decides that she is sick of playing Hannah Montana, and reveals her true identity at a concert. She is subsequently booed and shunned, with the Tennessee townsfolk all begging her to put the wig back on and keep pretending. Blankenship writes: "the conclusion tells viewers that being yourself is acceptable when you're with a very intimate circle, but otherwise, it's preferable and even honorable to lie about who you are. Hannah Montana: The Movie suggests that we can make people happy by always being who they want us to be, so we should maintain a performance at all costs. What's a little personal integrity when the entire world will be placated by our perpetual public disguise?" [NPR]

• A source claims that Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson are still talking after their breakup late last week, but that Sam has "begged Lindsay to get help." Lohan is reportedly "heartbroken" over the split. [People]

• "Lindsay, despite appearances, is insecure and has relied on Samantha and their relationship to build her up," says a friend, "Lindsay barely sleeps, which explains a lot of her behavior. She's exhausted. She can't even sit down for a minute without pacing around the room. It's really sad." [People]
• Ronson also reportedly gave Lindsay a shout-out at a recent DJ gig, followed by "na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye." That was way harsh, Tai. [ONTD]
• Sorry ladies: Roger Federer has married his longtime girlfriend Miroslava "Mirka" Vavrinec. Federer confirmed the marriage with this post on his blog: "Earlier today, in my hometown of Basel, surrounded by a small group of close friends and family, Mirka and I got married. It was a beautiful spring day and an incredibly joyous occasion. Mr. and Mrs. Roger Federer wish all of you a Happy Easter weekend." [People]
• "Vanessa thinks Daniel Craig is the hot Hollywood hunk. But I also have a man-crush on Daniel Craig - he's just so cool.So I'll let her have that one. She's also hot for Ryan Gosling. She has a list."-Zac Efron [ShowbizSpy]
• Audrina Patridge says she hasn't gotten any plastic surgery: "People think I've got my nose done, my chin done. I just laugh at it. I'm just losing my baby fat - everyone grows up and changes." [DailyExpress]
• The Presidential Puppy will arrive at the White House on Tuesday; the Obamas have decided on a Portuguese Water Dog from a Texas kennel. [USWeekly]
• "I can see why Britney Spears and Amy Winehouse go nutty. All the attention I've been getting lately is surreal, and invasive, intrusive and weird. Whenever I open my door there are people with cameras outside. I'm trapped in my own home."-Lily Allen [ShowbizSpy]
• The French are apparently going mad over Hugh Laurie. The Guardian claims a French magazine "gushed" that "with Hugh Laurie, you don't sleep, you laugh. With Hugh Laurie ... you are moved ... It's the year of Hugh Laurie or it's no one's year at all. And, for now, there isn't the slightest sign of France overdosing." [Guardian]
• Lady GaGa has canceled plans to release her next single, which includes the line "I want to take a ride on your disco stick," because the song is "too rude" for release. [TheSun]
• Suri Cruise is reportedly going to start Scientology "training" this week. "The children have a lot of responsibilities from a very young age," a source says of the school, which was started last year by Will Smith "The school is particularly strict about nutrition, demanding a low-carb, low-sodium and low-sugar organic diet. Katie is understandably a little anxious about being separated from Suri." [DailyMail]
• Justin Timberlake and Lupe Fiasco are going to climb Mount Kilimanjaro this fall for charity. Is there anything Justin Timberlake can't do? Seriously? [DailyExpress]
• Get ready for more Miley Cyrus, as the Hannah Montana movie won the weekend box office with a debut of 17.4 million. [EW]
• Blind Item:"This C list movie actress who came into her A list name recognition through a hit television show no longer on the air has always thought very highly of herself. But this is ridiculous, and shows you what an idiot she is. When she sees a homeless person on the street asking for money she stops and gives them her autograph and tells them to sell it on e-bay. I assume she thinks all homeless people have some type of wireless laptop they carry around with them and a way to collect the money." [BlindGossip]
• A giant bunny showed up at my house last night and left an enormous basket filled with chocolate marshmallow bunnies, various forms of delightful candy eggs, and delicious Starburst jellybeans. If you see this bunny, please thank him for me. And also ask him to consider making this basket o'candy thing a daily surprise, because it is AWESOME.

Now that she's reached the ripe old age of 16, it's time for Miley to start making the transition into adult stardom and this issue of Glamour marks the fist time she's appearing on the cover of a women's magazine.

Glamour Editor-In-Chief Cindi Leive tries to make the case for why a minor is on the cover the mag. She writes in the editor's letter:

At 16, Miley Cyrus carries a billion-dollar franchise on her back. Her responsibilities are more adult than those of most adults I know.

That's why, even as a teen, she makes sense as a Glamour cover girl. And she's in good company: Brooke Shields and supermodel Niki Taylor both graced our cover at 15. Looking at those old issues, you wonder, Is she a child? An adult? Believe it or not, Britney Spears had some wise words on the subject when she was a Glamour teen cover star in 2001. "I'm in-between," she said. "I'd consider myself a girl-woman."

Leive goes on to explain that "America holds girl-women to pretty exacting standards," which is probably why in both photo shoots Miley doesn't show much skin. At the Teen Vogue cover shoot she sports natural makeup, a flower wreath, and a sundress while riding a white horse. For the Glamour photo shoot her eye makeup is heavier and darker. She wears a black evening gown as she smashes her guitar and a sparkly mini-dress while clutching a mic. Even though she looks like a woman in her 20s, there's no hint of adolescent sexuality that people freaked out about in the Vanity Fair photo shoot.

But, the way the mags handle the fact that Miley is dating the 20-year-old Justin Gaston is very different. In the Teen Vogue cover story, Gaston's is called her boyfriend, but his age is never mentioned. The magazine then weirdly brings up that she may not be that into him anyway:

Whether Miley herself is in love at this moment is still up in the air. "I believe in love at first sight," she says. "It just hasn't happened to me." The first time she saw Justin, "I walked right by him. Love doesn't come from attraction, but from somewhere deeper. [Justin] is my best friend." They're inseparable and lately have been writing and producing music together in her home studio.

In the Glamour cover story Miley isn't so coy, saying:

"The best thing that's happened to me in a long, long time has been meeting Justin [Gaston], because he's the most respectful and selfless person I've ever known."
GLAMOUR: Do you worry that your boyfriend is so much older?
MC: I don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong, and I'm ready for people to accept it. My fans already accept it — they just want me to be happy. And I haven't been that happy in a few years ... working so hard, moving to L.A. from Nashville, going through a bad breakup [with Nick Jonas]. I'm finally happy again, and I think that is a reflected in my music and my work. So honestly, I don't feel like there's anything to hide. And I love him so much I don't really care.

But in Glamour, Miley is quick to point out that she isn't a bad girl, like former squeaky-clean Disney stars Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears. She explains that she won't turn out like them because:

"I feel like the rules are the rules, you know? If you're not 21, you don't get into a bar. You don't go to clubs. In this business you see so many people who are told yes all the time, and if someone says no, they get all upset. They look to their publicist, manager or agent for approval, rather than their parents."

In Teen Vogue, Miley is a bit more rebellious:

The way she tells it, it seems Miley is more comfortable with the opposite sex. In fact, in the dating department, she's often happy to make the first move. "It doesn't bother me," she says. "I want to know who made up the rules, because the rules are lame." For a sixteen year old, that kind of confidence is rare-and inspiring.

She also tells Teen Vogue about watching Alice in Wonderland with Justin, which she is says is, "such a perverted movie," explaining, "It's all about Ecstacy. I swear! Look it up online." Lest the kids start thinking Miley has sampled these drugs herself, the mag has a disclaimer:

Actually, some associate the movie with trippy psychedelics, not Ecstasy, but Miley's claim is just proof of her refreshing naïveté — her biggest vices seem to be caffeine and sushi. And for the record: Miley has never taken Ecstasy. I asked. "Me? No," she answers. But that doesn't mean she's not wild. "I'm a crazy chiquita," she freely admits. "I'm nuts."

The one thing that both articles emphasize is that though she's only a teen, show business has made her into an adult already. From Teen Vogue:

There's her memoir, Miles to Go, released in the spring. "People are like, 'You're sixteen, why would you write your life story?" Miley says. "But in the business I'm in, I have lived a life that some people who are in their sixties haven't lived. I've gone through a lot and seen a lot. But I still have a lot to learn."

And in Glamour, Miley gives some insight into what it's like for "America's Most Famous Girl" to grow up:

"I was talking with my mom one day, and I said that I would not change the way I grew up for anything. But, yes, I am really overwhelmed. I went to the Oscars for the first time when I was 13. Then I had my first real relationship; it was hard-core and lasted two years [with Nick Jonas of The Jonas Brothers]. That's a life-changing experience most people don't have until they're 19 or 20. So my life has been on high speed. [My career] is a huge responsibility."

Miley Cyrus: Dream Girl [Teen Vogue]
Photos From Miley's Cover Shoot [Teen Vogue]
Miley Cyrus Cover-Shoot Photo Gallery [Glamour]
Miley Cyrus: America's Most Famous Girl Grows Up [Glamour]

Earlier: Miley Cyrus Is Not The Innocent Victim That Disney Makes Her Out To Be
Miley Cyrus: 15 & Topless In Vanity Fair

The Good:

Taylor Swift: Always a bastion of dainty clarity in a naughty world.



Chic? No. But you know to Madeline Carroll, this is the most awesome outfit, ever.


Vanessa Williams brings a little needed elegance.


Natalia Dyer: lovely and (said in best schoolmarm voice) actually age-appropriate!


The Bad:


Audrey Kitching: A whimsical Don't.


Why, you ask, is Brittany Curran wearing a robe? I wish I could tell you, but I'm not afraid to admit my ignorance.


Why?!


As mistress of ceremonies, it's appropriate that Miley Cyrus should continue the trend of inexplicable, saddening garb. In this case, a length of fringe left over from a local production of Thoroughly Modern Millie.

[Images via Getty.]

WCCO in Minneapolis aired video of winner Pat Ebertz dancing in a blond wig and gold jumpsuit on the news. After seeing him explain in the full video that he's willing to make a complete fool of himself for his daughter, we can't help but find his performance a little touching, albeit disturbing. [CBS News]

• And then there were seven?!?! Angelina Jolie reportedly told one of the Slumdog kids that she is planning to adopt an Indian orphan. The papers will surely turn this into a race with Madonna. [Telegraph]

• So you know how Lindsay Lohan has a $115,000 Maserati but no job? Turns out a "porn king" loaned her the car, no strings attached. Uh-huh. Right. [TMZ]
• This UK paper is calling Madonna a "manipulator" who will "stop at nothing" to adopt a second child. They're saying she dressed conservatively for her court appointment, when she actually is way more wild, divorced and a Kabbalah enthusiast. Apparently Malawaians "take their Christianity seriously." Well, she did date Jesus! [Daily Mail]
• Hmm. Madonna wore a $2800 Chanel tracksuit while in Malawi. [Telegraph]
• The mark on Katie Holmes' back is indeed troubling. Scientology? Melanoma? [Perez]
• Countess Luann de Lesseps of Real Housewives has split with Count de Lesseps. He is "with an Ethiopian woman" now. Does this mean Luann is still a countess? Are any of the Housewives actual wives? So many questions. [Page Six]
• Meanwhile, Vicki Gunvalson of the California Real Housewives has been receiving death threats from an obsessed female fan who "takes the show way too seriously." [Yahoo via E!]
• The latest on Britney Spears is that while her dad was away, she hooked up with a backup dancer. His name is Glo, and she bought him some clothes and shoes. But now that her dad is back? "It's basically over," says a source. As you'll recall, the last time Brit picked up a backup dancer she got married and had two kids. [Gatecrasher]
• Halle Berry is "mentally ready" for more kids, FYI. [Mirror]
• "I'm not engaged. If she is engaged we have a problem." — Justin Timberlake on Jessica Biel. [The Star]
• Miley Cyrus says there won't be any more Hannah Montana movies. Also, she says if you're a young kid trying to decide between college or potential stardom: "Be a freak. Go to Hollywood." [Yahoo News via AP]
• The rumors that Rihanna is not cooperating with the D.A.'s office? Untrue. A rep for the D.A. says: "We have been in contact with her attorney, and he has always said she is a cooperating victim." [E!]
• Queen Latifah is being sued by a makeup artist and a fashion stylist, who claim she failed to pay them. At stake? $1 million. [Yahoo News via AP]
• ScarJo and RyRen went on a motorcycle ride. [Socialite Life]
• Drew Barrymore is back with Justin Long — in the movies, at least. He'll play her boyfriend in a romcom called Going The Distance, about what else? A long-distance relationship. [E!]
• Zac Efron dropped out of the Footloose remake, and now Gossip Girl's Chace Crawford is auditioning. Similarly pretty, but charismatic? Uh… [E!]
• Michelle Rodriguez will kick your ass if you try and snap her picture when she is not feeling well and sitting in a wheelchair at the Mexico City airport. [E!]
• Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are still friends, in case you were wondering. [People]
• When Jennifer Lopez arrived at LAX from Japan yesterday, Jenny from the block had 11 bags. [Daily Mail]
• Andie MacDowell, Mike Myers and Ed Westwick (!) took part in a kilt fashion show. Men in skirts! [The Star, Daily Mail]
• André 3000 was busted for going 109 mph in a 65 mph zone. He drives a Porshce? You'd think it would be a model T or something to match his plus-fours. [E!]
• Congrats to Alyson Hannigan, who had a baby girl — on her birthday. [ET]
• If instead of sparkly vampires, you like actual boodsuckers with fangs, take note: True Blood returns June 14. Season 2 photos at the link. [E!]
• Epic! Law & Order: SVU will be shooting at the U.N. [CNN]
• Star Trek hasn't yet hit theaters but they're already talking sequel. And Lost cocreator Damon Lindelof could be on board. [E!]
• The Karate Kid remake will be called Kung Fu Kid, says Jackie Chan. [EW]
• Friends, here is a picture of Sir Paul McCartney with his fly open. [Daily Mail]
• Friday Night Lights: Renewed for two more seasons. [EW]
• Blind item! "Which pretty young songbird is freaking out male paramours with her overly hairy tummy?" [Gatecrasher]
• "It doesn't mean no more musicals forever, but right now I had so much fun doing (new comedy film) 17 Again that I think that's the direction I want to head in." — Zac Efron, on why he pulled out of the Footloose remake. [The Star]
• "Max and I are really good friends. We were just too young. That's all it was. I still love the idea that we did it. I love the idea I can tell my kids one day about it and I know he does too. It just got really crazy. It was something that exploded. And then it ended. And now we're just back to being friends, which is so much better." — Peaches Geldof, 20, who doesn't regret her six-month marriage. [The Sun]
• "After this album and tour I have a brand new business I am setting up, but i can't say what it is yet. I am definitely considering quitting music." — Lily Allen. [This Is London]
• "If you've got a character, particularly on TV, you can watch him doing nothing if you like him. If you haven't got a great character, you could be delivering the greatest lines in the world, but who cares? There are stand-ups that just aren't likable. They can have the best lines in the world, but you go, (yawn) 'Yeah. Brilliant. Don't like you though.' Whereas, someone shambles out and they're a putz and they get their hands dirty and they tell you what a bad day they've had, you want to hug them. They don't say anything funny, they are funny." — Ricky Gervais. [Yahoo via AP]
• "I think they prerecord the backgrounds in the studio and maybe the backgrounds are a little lip-synced. But I think the solos are definitely live. Because these kids aren't dancers and they're trying to do choreography, that's why it happens … if it happens at all." — American Idol judge Randy Jackson, on the lip-sync controversy. [Gatecrasher]
• "Kissing him wasn't bad at all. Justin's a sweetheart, and the whole shoot felt very organic. It all flowed so well." — Ciara, on smooching Timberlake in her new video for "Sex Love Magic." [Gatecrasher]
• "We were going to a Mexican restaurant and he and I were the first ones in. We sat opposite each other. He looked at me. It was a look that wasn't sexual; it was almost evil. It was like rape except it wasn't sexual. I just burst into tears. I never forgave him for it. It was cruel. I think maybe he fell into what he does sometimes with women. He had no right to do that. I was helpless. I got mad at him, and I never talked to him again." — Cloris Leachman on Marlon Brando. [LA Times]

• Rihanna's maybe moving on! But: She was seen getting cozy with Wilmer Valderrama. Isn't that dude bad news bears? He's been linked to Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Ashlee Simpson, Mandy Moore… [Mirror]

• So you know how Lindsay Lohan has a new Maserati? It's already been in a minor car accident. LL wasn't driving — her assistant hit a Subaru in front of them. [Just Jared]
• Is Angelina Jolie on a "crazy" diet called liquid detox? [The Sun]
• WTF: Nadya Suleman has fired the nurse-nannies from Angels in Waiting! She felt she was being judged or something? How the heck is she going to take care of 14 kids by herself? Seriously? [E!]
• Did Jennifer Aniston dump John Mayer over his Twitter obsession? [Daily Mail]
• This one time, Mary-Kate Olsen was driven off the road by the paparazi. "It was never written about,"she says. [Just Jared]
• Designer Rachel Roy has filed for divorce from hip-hop mogul Damon Dash. He co-founded Rocawear but has since been struggling with debt and bad business deals; she has her own line of women's clothing. They have two kids. This should be interesting. [NY Daily News]
• Jesus Luz says he did not cheat on Madonna with some random woman in Brazil: "The press created this story." Welcome to fame! [The Sun]
• Uh-oh: "Madonna's fling with Jesus Luz and her rumored hookup with A-rod may foil adoption plans." An official from Malawi's Ministry of Child Welfare says: "Our official policy is that we do not encourage our children to be sent into broken homes." [NY Daily News]
• Um, this report claims that Jesus wants to adopt a kid with Madonna. Grain of salt. [ONTD]
• Angelina Jolie's mother owes $60,000 in back taxes, despite having passed away in 2007. How do you fix that? [TMZ]
• Diablo Cody and her homies all wear matching necklaces which read "Fuck My Face." Heart-warming! [NY Mag]
• Here is a photograph of Amy Winehouse climbing over a spiked fence and being compared to Sideshow Bob. [Daily Mail]
• Lindsay Lohan's former roommate and Tila Tequila's ex-girlfriend Courtenay Semel has checked into rehab. [Page Six]
• Someone blogging as Leighton Meester but decidedly not Leighton Meester likes poetry, goes to a shrink and complains about the paparazzi. [NY Observer]
• Nicole Richie channels Lady Gaga in her pix for BlackBook. [Just Jared]
• Cindy Crawford is naked in the April issue of Allure, with some strategically placed soap bubbles. [The Superficial]
• Jessica "Slimpson"'s body "has now fully returned to its former glory" so you can all relax. [The Sun]
• Geri Halliwell is on a "man-ban." [The Star]
• Another day, another story about Hugh Grant making out with two women at the same time. In public. [Page Six]
• Kim Kardashian couldn't pronounce "philanthropic" at a charity event, and people laughed at her. Tragic! [Gatecrasher]
• Is Fergie heading to Washington to play a private concert for Sasha and Malia Obama? Is this why she is brunette now? Will she teach them to spell duchess with a T? [Gatecrasher]
• Coldplay's Chris Martin met kiddie band The Wiggles, got super psyched and them covered their song, "Fruit Salad." So punk rock. [The Sun]
• Chris Martin can't get Michael Jackson tickets! [Mirror]
• Maybe Chris Martin should bid on this Michael Jackson stuff up for auction? A Swarovski crystal-encrusted white glove could go for a mere $15,000. [NY Daily News]
• Speaking of Michael Jackson, he's invited the stars of Harry Potter to be All-Access guests opening night of his sold-out UK shows. Naturally. [The Sun]
• Anne Hathaway will play Judy Garland in an upcoming film and theater productions of Get Happy: The Life Of Judy Garland. Question is: Will she sing or lip sync? [E!]
• People. For the last time. Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are not a couple in real life. Quit asking. Sheesh. [E!]
• But hey! Meet the New Moon wolf pack! Cute teenage Native American actors! [Socialite Life]
• Amanda Seyfried has pulled out of Zack Snyder's film Sucker Punch — described as Alice in Wonderland with machine guns — due to scheduling conflicts. Who should play Baby Doll, the girl in a mental institution in this big-budget action flick? [ONTD via Slashfilm via EW]
• "Syfy" is not a new kind of hip hop from the West coast but what the Sci-Fi Channel is calling itself now. It's also Polish slang for syphilis, so people aren't kidding when they say, "Sick name." [Jossip]
• Denise Richards went to see Charlie Sheen's new twins: "They're amazing." Isn't it nice when everyone gets along? [ET]
• Ooh, recession humor: Amanda Bynes has just signed to an ABC pilot called Canned, a show about a group of friends who are all fired on the same day. [ET]
• Kiefer Sutherland has signed on to play Jack Bauer for an eight season of 24. [Mirror]
• Anna Faris is on the new cover of Self magazine; cover also shills "1 minute abs." Huh? [Just Jared]
• Chelsea Handler's last night show has been extended through 2012. Bring back Russell Brand! [Reuters]
• Oh no: Problems with NBC's Parks & Recreation? Test audiences found it "unoriginal" and "too slow." [Deadline Hollywood]
• Kenny Rogers music helps stroke victims. [Wired]
• This article about Angela Lansbury contains the following sentence: "Ms. Lansbury, who describes herself as a homebody and a working actress, is described by pretty much everyone else as a 'living legend,' a phrase that makes her want to vomit 'a little,' she conceded." [WSJ]
• Blind item! "Which TV heartthrob had to wait until a young starlet's mom walked away before he could hit on her at a party?" [Gatecrasher]
• "This movie was never meant to be the end of Hannah Montana. The thing is, a lot of people put where the show's future lays in my hands — and it's not up to me. It's up to Disney and whether they want more episodes, and we hope that they do." — Miley Cyrus. [Yahoo via Billboard]
• "I had avoided getting married pretty good for, like, 23 years, and I ... secretly felt that men who were married admired me, like I was the last of the real gunslingers." — David Letterman. [People]

• Sean Penn: Lousy gay lover! Diego Luna was asked about kissing Sean for Milk and said, "It was...dry." He added: "I guess he was thinking about Franco." But costar James Franco claims kissing Sean was "fine." Not hot, steamy, fun. Fine. [E!]
• Britney's youngest son, Jayden, has been released from the hospital. He was rushed to the emergency room on Sunday is because he had an allergic reaction to something he ate. The 2-year-old had hives, was itchy and irritable. The family is "just not sure" what triggered the reaction. [Page Six, TMZ]
• Madonna had a dinner party at her apartment and invited her non-Kabbalah friends, so they could meet her "friend" Alex Rodriguez. [Mirror]
• Madonna let Guy see his sons! There's a picture of Rocco and David at the airport, hugging Guy. Apparently Madonna has a list of demands that Guy must meet while the kids are with him in London. It includes a ban on TV, non-organic food and clothes not sent by her. For some reason, can't you picture Guy getting the kids hopped up on sugar and Disney cartoons? [Daily Mail]
• People and Us Weekly put Barack Obama on their covers, and those issues sold extremely well. America wasn't interested in Jennifer Aniston or Suri Cruise last week? Really? [MSNBC]

• Will a Barack Obama documentary sweep the Emmys? It's co-produced by Ed Norton… [LA Times]
• Malia and Sasha Obama might get to visit the set of Hannah Montana! "The invitation is there," Billy Ray Cyrus says. "The Hannah Montana film comes out in April. Maybe something might happen around then. Maybe not. I don’t know… I have got to keep a secret." Uh, too late! [Access Hollywood]
• Michelle Williams' dad, Larry Williams, a prominent stock market trader, has agreed to return to the U.S. to face tax evasion charges. He's been in Australia, though he's actually a resident of the Virgin Islands. He possibly owes $1.5 million in unpaid taxes. [Yahoo News]
• Here's a snippet from the Blake Lively interview in W magazine: "Lively doesn’t even attempt to hide her glee at all the freebies foisted upon her, from designer dresses and diamond bangles to an utterly insane number of pricey purses. 'I probably have, like, 60 gorgeous bags,' she says. 'I have a closet with my really sharp, fancy, nice ones—the ones that go with my Valentino pumps, for example. And then I have a closet with the ones that are a little more rugged-feeling, the kind that go with my Belstaff motorcycle boots.'" [W]
• Juliette Lewis met Ed Westwick and said, "Who is this guy?" Someone's not watching Gossip Girl. He's Chuck Bass! [Rush & Molloy]
• The creators of Gossip Girl say the show is like "a chess game." See, "Chuck and Blair are the king and queen. Everyone else, except Serena, is a pawn.” Hmm, isn't the show more like Trouble, what with the pop-o-matic dice and the moving in circles? Wait, what was the question again? [People]
• Amy Winehouse "lost it" after finding out Blake Fielder-Civil contacted the "other woman" when he got out of jail. Blake Formerly Incarcerated says, "She hasn’t dumped me. We both love each other and will be together for ever. We have spoken on the phone and I’m expecting a visit from her any time now. We can’t wait to be back together." Keep hope alive! [The Sun]
• When asked about the rumors linking him to Evan Rachel Wood, Mickey Rourke said, "She's a good friend, that's it. Tell that faggot who wrote all that shit in the paper I'd like to break his fucking legs." Whoops! Mickey's sorry! Rourke has released a statement which reads, "I want to sincerely apologize for the derogatory word I used. It was insensitive and inappropriate of me and I am deeply sorry that I may have offended anyone." [Yahoo News via E!]
• Nicole Kidman was on Oprah yesterday, and at O's urging, she pulled out a picture of her baby, Sunday Rose. [Perez Hilton]
• Speaking of Nicole, something is up with her new flick, Australia. The studio forced director Baz Luhrmann to change the ending, but don't click unless you want to know, this entire article is a spoiler alert. [LA Times]
• Mariah Carey's demands for the World Music Awards: A £100,000 private jet transport to the ceremony in Monte Carlo and a £10,000-a-night penthouse suite at the exclusive Hotel de Paris for two nights. Plus! VIP treatment for her 15-member entourage. [Daily Mail]
• Mariah was on Simon Cowell's X Factor over the weekend, and some people are saying it was one of her worst performances ever. Click for video and judge for yourself. (My 2¢: Her voice is not what it used to be.) [The.Life Files]
• Blind item! "Which proud new papa isn't much of a family guy? The handsome actor, notorious for having a roving eye, was spotted leaving a downtown hot spot with the beautiful bartender." [Rush & Molloy]
• Evan Rachel Wood claims the Obama camp wanted Marilyn Manson to play for Barack. A spokesperson says, "That it not true." [Yahoo News]
• Isaiah Washington is speaking out about Brooke Smith being fired from Grey's Anatomy: "I looked at a brilliant actress, whom I have adored since I first saw her in Silence of the Lambs. For her to be treated this way, I find very interesting. The fact is that, just before the holidays, you have a mother, a wonderful actress removed from a steady income without the proper reasoning behind it…You look at the way another consummate professional [is] being treated because her character, her story line [has] potentially made producers uncomfortable. Now that I see what they're doing to a show that I love and I care about, I think it's disgusting. The fact that Shonda has been put in this position is extremely unfair. It's unfortunate because it was probably, at the time, the most progressive show on television. Now I see it [being] systematically torn apart. Bring Burke back!" Yeah, that's right, Burke. Not Brooke. He's talking about himself, you see. [Perez Hilton
• Oh dear: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt will guest star on How I Met Your Mother. Well, at least Heidi's psuedo-employed after losing her fake job. [E!, People]
• America Ferrera will star and executive produce a drama called American Tragic, about a young war vet who sets off across the country with a buddy to find redemption. Ferrera will play his wife. [Variety]
• Queen Latifah will host the People's Choice Awards on January 7. [Variety]
• Are Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel getting married or not? (Seems like "not.") [MSNBC]
• Tim Robbins is still battling the New York City board of elections. Did he show up to the wrong polling place? Or did they change his location without him knowing? [Page Six, NY Times]
• Regis Philbin gave his old elementary school $1.5 million in 2005; it's since been shut down. Think he wishes he had the cash back? [Page Six]
• Will Eminem's new CD come out on time? There was a December due date, but a source says, "He is being a perfectionist and is completely obsessive-compulsive about this album. There's a 50-50 chance it will be done by the end of this year - but most likely it'll be the first quarter of next year." After this long, why rush? [Page Six]
• NBC's Medium returns in January with new castmember Tracy Pollan, aka Mrs. Michael J. Fox. [EW]
• In Roger Moore's memoir, you learn that that during the filming of Live and Let Die, his first Bond flick, he had kidney stones, so he took a painkiller, methylene, that both knocked him out and turned his urine blue. He woke up in the middle of the night, mistook his closet for a bathroom and peed all over his clothes, "dying them a delightful azure." [Time]
• Kelsey Grammer on Sarah Palin: "I don't know that she doesn't know that Africa is a continent… And if I read it in the New York Times, I have to get a second source." Damn librul media! [TMZ]
• The Dallas reunion was a Texas-sized mess! Hundreds more people than expected showed up for Saturday night's barbecue and cast reunion at Southfork Ranch; angry fans complained they didn't get the access to cast members they'd paid $500 to see; while others got close to the stars without paying. [Yahoo News]
• By the by, Mayim Bialik, the star of '90s sit com Blossom, had a baby about a month or two ago. Her second child, a boy named Fred. [TMZ]
• Former boy band mogul, Lou Perlman, is discussed in a new book, and the consensus is the dude is "creepy" and tried to "wrestle" with the boys he managed. Perlman's currently serving a 25-year jail sentence for conspiracy, money laundering, etc. [Rush & Molloy]
• Actress Gong Li: Being called a traitor, because she's decided to become a Singaporean citizen. (She was born and raised in China.) [Breitbart]
• Tony Dow, who played Wally on Leave It To Beaver, will have one of his abstract sculptures on display at the Louvre. Upgrade! [Yahoo News]
• Headline of the day: "Fleetwood Mac's Lindsey Buckingham wants to play a song for President George W Bush called 'Treason.'" [Telegraph]
• WTF. Another William Shatner video, in which he talks shit about George Takei. [Perez Hilton]
• James Cromwell, who starred in the Babe movies, is recovering from a broken collarbone and partially deflated lung after falling off of his bicycle in an L.A.-area canyon on Sunday. He should be out of the hospital now. That'll do! [AP]
• Geri Halliwell has dumped her "toyboy" lover, dancer Ivan "Flipz" Velez. He's devastated. Maybe his new middle name will be "Mopez." [Mirror]
• Here's a rare photograph of Marilyn Monroe in stockings and garters. [Telegraph]
• Chris March of Project Runway was interviewed by a snarky New York magazine editor and wasn't really amused. The writer was mocking Seal's facial scars, though, so: Team March. [NY Mag]
• Beyoncé says offers have come in from magazines wanting wedding pictures and it's "crazy money that's just ridiculous." Don't worry, B is classier than that: "It's so not worth it. If anything, if you wanna put something out, then put it out, not for (money). We worked really hard at keeping it private. I've always been this way, and he's always been this way, so that's why we complement each other. We always knew that it would be private and quiet, for all the right reasons." [AP]
• Here's a lovely poem Chuck Norris has written about Barack Obama's "political stink." It rhymes! [E&P Pub]
• "He’s never let himself become a lost cause. He’s hardcore and very strong. Off-duty he flies his own plane and helicopter and he insists on doing as many of his own stunts as possible. It’s him riding the bikes and throwing the punches — he doesn’t palm it off to a stunt man." — Jamie Milnes, Harrison Ford's personal trainer, on working with him for Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull. [Telegraph]
• "I thought it would be easy to cast a Bond girl, because there are so many beautiful women in this world. But not many of them can act. Their acting needed to be really strong and three-dimensional. Historically, the role of women in the world has changed. You can't have someone in a Bond film just as a sex object. [But] they have to be sexy and beautiful. That's what people expect, and that's what Bond is about." — Quantum Of Solace director Marc Forster. [Esquire]
• "I call her 'The Mouse.' And The Mouse holds on to the edge of a chair now and is gaining the confidence to think, 'Maybe these legs belong to me.' I keep telling Nicole that it's a bad sign, because once those legs gain confidence, then they're out of here!" — Lionel Richie on 10-month-old granddaughter Harlow. [People]
• "She taught me the importance of looking good and feeling good but also that beauty comes from within, because it fades. I looked at her like a therapist and a makeover queen –- the perfect glamorous smart woman. People would walk in, talk to her and tell her their issues and they'd walk out feeling and looking like a new woman." — Beyoncé, on her mother, who owned a hair salon when B was a kid. [People]
• "It's cool when you have a movie where you can show another side of yourself, like this one does. The movie is not going to be successful, I don't think. It's not the usual Van Damme action movie, so I'm not really kicking butt. People who know me, they know my story, that I came with nothing and because famous with martial arts. I did the movie because it felt good to do something like that. [I won't do a reality show because] I don't want to expose my family or even my animals to the cameras all the time. You can't even go to the toilet because they shove a camera up your butt. I would probably throw the camera out the window. They did approach me once, though — the channel with the guy with the long hair. Gene Simmons? [Checks with son.] No, it was Ozzy Osbourne, who's a big teddy bear. A letter came to my desk and he wanted to know if I'd do a reality show. Bad or good, only God should know what you're doing at all times." — Jean-Claude Van Damme. [WSJ]
• "It was OK. I wasn’t into the waif thing. She kind of looked like my nephew. I mean she’s beautiful – she’s a very pretty nephew – but I’m more into curvy women." — Mark Wahlberg on posing with Kate Moss in those 1992 Calvin Klein ads. [The Sun]
• "I'm running a business. And sometimes being the boss of your own empire and creation, you have to be assertive. Being a female, that comes with being labeled a 'bitch' and given titles that men wouldn’t receive. But if that’s what I’m going to be called by being assertive and knowing who I am and what I want out of life, so be it. I wear that label proudly." — Christina Aguilera in Rolling Stone. [MSNBC]
• "I apparently offended some animal lovers. Um, really people? I love animals as much as anyone, I don't eat pork – so for those of you fighting that good fight against me ... shut up! I was just pointing out the fact that people in California seem to care more about animal rights than human rights … I'm not running around killing chickens for fun or firing a slingshot at a squirrel." — Samantha Ronson, resonding to people who were offended by her Prop 2 vs. Prop 8 post. [People]
• "[I said] 'Sen. Obama, when you were in school in Boston, did you encounter any racism?' And he said something really interesting. He said, um. He said, 'I'm Kanye West.'" — Sarah Silverman. [Page Six]

• So you know how Gerard Butler kicked a paparazzi's ass yesterday? He was definitely provoked. After Gerard allegedly got out of the limo and punched the dude in the face, the photog continued following Butler for more than an hour before going to the hospital. Plus, he called a lawyer before calling the cops. [TMZ]
• Oooh! Anna Wintour has a crush on Gerard Butler! Get in line, lady. Or put him on the cover of Vogue! [Page Six]
• Did you notice how Brad and Angelina stopped in New Orleans before heading back to France? Totally on purpose! An insider says: "Brad wanted to check on the progress of the houses being built in the Ninth Ward." And someone else says: "With just a handful of weeks before the presidential election, they wanted to subtly remind everyone that New Orleans is still in recovery mode." [E!]
• Um, Angelina is in a new glossy version of The Bible. [Drudge Retort]

• Britney's lawyer would not take a plea deal for her driving-without-a-license case. He wants a $10 fine. "We don't want a misdemeanor," he says. "This should be an infraction. No probation." So! There will be a trial on October 15. [E!]
• As for Jamie Lynn, as previously reported, even though the Enquirer says she is knocked up again, other sources say she is not pregnant. Phew. [Perez Hilton, TMZ]
• Oh yeah, and what's up with OK! saying that Jamie Lynn's baby daddy Casey never cheated on JLS, when In Touch had an exclusive interview with the other woman? Both mags stand by their stories. [MSNBC]
• Zac Efron was attacked by a a middle-aged man thought to be a deranged fan in London. The dude ran up to Zac and girlfriend Vanessa Hudgens and tried to grab Zac's hair. Apparently he wouldn't let go of the teen heartthrob and had to be tackled by a bodyguard. [Mirror
• Michael Phelps went to a party where ladies surrounded him and screamed, "Fish man! Fish man!" [Page Six]
• Wait, what's this? Michael Phelps has a girlfriend? Miss California runner-up Nicole Johnson? [Rush & Molloy]
• Nicole Richie and little Harlow are on the cover of People this week! [People]
• Diddy is pissed that John McCain called Barack Obama "that one." [Radar]
• On October 14, there will be a benefit concert thrown by DJ AM's friends — with performances from celebrity DJs, including Mark Ronson, Steve Aoki, Danny Masterson and Mixmaster Mike. Proceeds will go to the memorial funds established for crash victims. [People]
• Former America's Next Top Model competitors will now be on Modelville, a reality show within Tyra's talk show. Very meta. [E!]
• Joe Jonas and Taylor Swift have broken up. You know who they are, right? [Us Magazine]
• Hugh Hefner talks about his split with Holly Madison: "If Holly says it's over, I guess it's over. She's still here in the house. Until a few days ago, we were still sharing the same bed." He also says: "It's now apparent there will be some new faces in my personal life and on the show. There's been moments that I've been down in the dumps about all this… [But] there are girls lined up outside the front gate. At my age, that's hard to believe, but it seems to be true." He added: "It's a big house. And I'm not going to live alone. I'm definitely not going to live alone." [AP]
• Nikki Blonsky says that airport brawl with ANTM's Bianca left her "completely destroyed" and she lives "every day in pain." She and her father face assault charges. [People]
• Audrina was on Ellen's show and talked all about LC and Justin Bobby! Lauren and Justin flirted in the past; Audrina has tried to call LC but LC hangs up on her; and Audrina hasn't spoken to Justin Bobby. So basically nothing was confirmed. [Perez Hilton]
• Courteney Cox looks like a dazed zombie on the cover of the new Marie Claire. [ONTD]
• Michael Jackson took his kids to a comic book store in L.A. and they wore masks, prompting this paper to print the headline: "It's ALWAYS Halloween In Michael Jackson's Family." But the unmasked pix are cute! Blanket is getting so big. Here's a question: Do you really think MJ is the father of those kids? [The Sun]
• Oprah is leading an Obama fund-raising weekend in Chicago. [Chicago Sun-Times]
• Jason Priestley returning to 90210? Ah, to direct. Hmm. [People]
• Ricky Gervais has built a gym at his New York apartment — because he is too embarrassed to work out in public. [The Sun
• Katy Perry's mom dated Jimi Hendrix? And her dad was an LSD dealer, good friends with Timothy Leary? [The Sun]
• Hannah Montana is hazardous to your health: Some jewelry with the Disney star on it was found to have high levels of lead. [Perez Hilton]
• Lil' Kim is being sued for $2.5 million by a recording company, which says the rapper hasn't delivered all the recordings their contract requires. [USA Today]
• Rachael Ray wants to open a burger joint in New York. "I'm going for a '60s back-in-the-day Rat Pack-y kind of hangout, and I want the bar to be really central [and] the burgers to become a very social thing. I want people to come to the bar to see beautiful proper martinis being made and to enjoy some sliders." So. Hungry. [Gothamist]
• TV chef Jamie Oliver didn't want to kiss girls at his book signings for fear of communicable disease: I said, 'Look, you know, I'm very loyal to my wife and if I have to keep kissing these birds, right, it's only a numbers game before I get herpes. And once you've got it ... it never goes. And I'll be growing flapjack on me lip.'" [Daily Star]
• Paul McCartney is calling on his fans to boycott McDonald's after finding out his picture is in a Mickey Ds in Liverpool. He's been a vegetarian for decades. [Nikki Sixx, who is dating Kat Von D, says, in the beginning, when they first started seeing each other, "When I tried to kiss her she karate chopped me. She's a fiery one." [People]
• American Idolcontestant Kelli Pickler battled a year-long depression and anti-depressants made her "crazy." [People]
• LOL: Boogie Nights, the musical. [The Star]
• Do what you must to prepare yourself: Katie Price, the "glamour model" known as Jordan, and her husband Peter Andre are moving to Hollywood in January. They have three kids: Harvey, 6, who is blind; Junior Savva Andreas Andre, 3, and one year old Princess Tiáamii Crystal Esther Andre. [Perez Hilton]
• Ozzy Osbourne's show on Fox will be "half scripted," so the Writers Guild of America is issuing a warning to writers about that. [NY Times]
• Following Peter Cook's interview with Barbara Walters, Christie Brinkley says: "It is a measure of [his] character that he has breached the confidentiality agreement that is in the divorce settlement and has sought to present this distorted one-side view of his marriage." Word. [ABC News]
• Here's a picture from Howard Stern's wedding, if you care. [People]
• Who shot the sheriff? Eric Clapton is auctioning 13 of his shotguns. [The Sun]
• Anna Deveare Smith will premiere a new solo piece in November, inspired by Arizona State University's law school, named for retired Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor - the first U.S. law school to be named for a woman. [Yahoo News]
• "All men have thought about her at least once in their lives. The great thing about Judi Dench is that she's the matriarch of British film. She has an innate power about her ... Bond needs a woman like M to contain his nonsense and say, 'Look, 007, you've been an idiot!' But they won't sleep together. Not unless the cupboard gets very bare in terms of storylines." — Daniel Craig. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "[The Beatles] were young capitalists who, far from developing a youth culture, were exploiting youth culture by promoting fan worship, mindless screaming and nothing more than a passive teenage consumer." — Historian David Fowler. [Guardian]
• "Last night i went to see Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist and it was so cute! I think the entire cast is so much fun to watch, and the storyline is great. I'm a big fan of Kat Dennings and Michael Cera. It would be nice to give them some support! Seeing movies like this is such a good feeling. It also shows you how important movies are in life – you can be in a horrible mood, and most of the time a movie that makes you laugh and enjoy life can change your mood by the time you walk out of the theatre." — Lindsay Lohan. [People]
• "Most heterosexual men do not find Renée Zellweger attractive. It’s true. Nice girl, and I have met Renée. She is the kind of girl who bakes really good muffins, you go out to dinner with her, but that’s it." — Denis Leary. [Vanity Fair]
• "What Jay and I have is real. It's not about interviews or getting the right photo op. It's real." — Beyoncé, sorta talking about her wedding in Essence. [ People]
• "But if you, out of nowhere, are going to grab a woman out of the woods and make her your vice presidential candidate, what can I do? [Sarah Palin] is like Jodie Foster in the movie Nell. They just found her, and she was speaking her own special language. Have you noticed how [Palin's] rallies have begun to take on the characteristics of the last days of the Weimar Republic? In Florida, she asked 'Who is Barack Obama?' Hey, lady, we just met YOU five fucking weeks ago." — Jon Stewart. [Rush & Molloy]

Selena and Demi met as child actors on the show Barney and Friends. When they were 11, they both tried out for a role in a Lizzie McGuire spin off, according to the WSJ, but Demi's mom, a former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader, says, "Selena is an adorable looking Hispanic girl, and looks more Hispanic than Demi, and that's what they were looking for at the time." This was right after Dora the Explorer became a huge, runaway success, so it makes sense that Disney would want to tap the Hispanic market that their main competitor, Nickelodeon, had already made huge strides in that sector.

Anyway, back to our little promise keepers: Miley, for her part, is distinctly displeased that she's been pushed aside for the new blood. On her YouTube channel, Miley put up a video with her friend Mandy Jiroux parodying Selena and Demi's Youtube channel (side note: doesn't Miley sound kind of drunk in this clip? Drunk on Jesus, naturally.) The Youtube viewers of this parody have articulated the underlying message to Disney's Post-Vanity Fair, post-green bra Miley overthrow. A disgruntled fan writes, "You are just jealous on Demi and Selena because they are not Sluts... " You see, now that Miley's virginal imagine is tainted, Disney needs to put some squeaky clean teens in the spotlight, and perhaps that's why there are two of them; if nude photos surface of Selena, (à la Vanessa Hudgens), there's already a back-up being primed for stardom.

Disney Revs Up Tween Star Machine [WSJ]
Demi Lovato And Selena Gomez Q&A!!!! [Official Demi Lovato Youtube Channel]
The Miley And Mandy Show!!!! Is My Makeup To Dark? [Miley Cyrus Official Youtube Channel]

Earlier: Underage Starlets Sprout From Disney Factory Like Whack-A-Moles