Now that she's a wife and mother, there were some tweaks made to Kendra's theme song. (Instead of "You're on your own now," it's "You're not alone now.")


I really love that she uses it as her ring tone.


Kendra's reluctance to remove the gizzard from the Thanksgiving turkey foreshadowed her impending labor. (Also, I love that she refers to surgical masks as "SARS masks.")


After being induced and suffering through labor for over 24 hours, Kendra's doctor finally decided to give her a C-section. What's terrifying to me is that she's screaming "Ouch! Ouch!" Why is it still hurting!?

I'm not going to front like I didn't know who Kendra Wilkinson was until I had to watch her show last night to write about it here today. I get sick sometimes and go to the doctor and read US Weekly in the waiting room just like everyone else. And I walk by the newsstand sometimes and see US Weekly and impulsively buy US Weekly just like everyone else. And I had a subscription to US Weekly for two years until it recently lapsed and I forgot to renew it just like everyone else. But, while I totally watch trash TV all the time with no apologies (and even have a standing Bachelorette-watching party. Finale tonight, guys! Go Kiptyn!) I had somehow managed to aggressively ignore the apparent reality phenomenon that is Kendra Wilkinson until last night.

Here's what I knew about Kendra Wilkinson before watching last night's episode: Kendra was one of Hugh Hefner's girlfriends and was on his show The Girls Next Door. Kendra broke up with Hugh Hefner and "broke his heart" supposedly. Kendra likes The Olive Garden. Kendra recently got married and the pictures from her wedding were knocked off the cover of US Weekly by Michael Jackson's death. Kendra is pregnant. Kendra has blond hair. This is what I knew. (And it's actually kind of a lot! Scary!)

Now, having watched last night's episode, ("Preggers Can't Be Choosers"), I know that Kendra's future husband is a football player of some kind, and that they haven't been together for very long. That worries Kendra's mother, who threw a FIT when Kendra announced to her at a surprise bridal shower that she is pregnant. Which was odd to me, because we're talking about a woman whose daughter until recently lived in a house with a very old man where she walked around naked all day along with the other very young ladies who comprised this old pathetic man's harem of disposable girlfriends. Maybe the mother also had a problem with that, who knows, but it seems like, with all they've surely been through in Kendra's brief 23 years on this earth, a pre-wedding pregnancy announcement should not be cause for the huge family rift the show tried to make us believe happened.

So after a long time (probably two hours) of Kendra's mother not talking to her, Kendra's future husband, Hank, made the mature and wise choice to call the mother and get her to come over and talk about things. So Kendra's mother, grandmother, and brother, Turtle from Entourage, came over and talked for five minutes and everything was solved. Kendra's mother tried to make it all about her and her life as a single mother, even though that doesn't apply, but Kendra's (adorable) grandmother made everyone smile when she expressed her desire to live long enough to hold her great-grandchild, even though she is practically the same age as my mom.

As we all know, there are three stages in every pregnancy:

Stage 1: Mollifying the angry-for-no-reason narcissistic future Grandmother
Stage 2: Feeling so barfy that you can only eat Froot Loops.
Stage 3: Calling Hugh Hefner to tell him you're pregnant.

Last night, all three stages came to pass, and Kendra and Hank called Hugh Hefner (whose receptionist said "Maybe he's up in the office" even though he had to know Hef was there because there was a film crew there to tape Hef picking up the phone for Kendra's call, but whatever) and told him the news. Hank looked SO THRILLED to be watching his future wife and mother of his child calling up the old man who dragged her around by her extensions like a rag doll since she was a teenager, to share this news, but he got through it because what else was he gonna do. Poor guy. Please don't forget to mutter "That's what she said" under your breath after Kendra's last declaration in this segment. If not, the world will explode. Clip above.

• Hailey Glassman says her love affair with Jon Gosselin is filled with laughter, home cooked dinners and romantic games of ping pong, but, "If you had told me a few months ago, I wouldn't have believed you."

• Glassman explains that she developed feelings for Jon, a family friend, when he visited her parent's home to mulll over the end of his marriage. "He was so strong," Glassman says. "I admired him." When asked what she thinks he likes most about her, she said: "I'm a huge believer in not controlling someone. I'll give my opinion but tell him to do what he wants to do. He said, 'I'm just not used to having an option.' I told him life is about options." [People]
• Kendra Wilkinson says she and husband Hank Baskett have learned an important lesson from Jon And Kate Plus 8. "I feel bad for the kids. If we do have a show, none of that's going to happen...I want to be able to spend quality time with my child and not really give the world too much," says Kendra. [E!]
• Kiefer Sutherland won't be charged for headbutting Jack McCollough in May. The Manhattan D.A. rejected the case because officials decided the incident was too petty to be called criminal conduct. The L.A. City Attorney won't be charging Kiefer for violating his probation from a previous DUI conviction either. [TMZ]
• Stephen Baldwin filed for bankruptcy today. According to court documents he's millions of dollars in debt. [Yahoo]
• A fight broke out during Chace Crawford's birthday outing on Saturday night. His friends started pushing and shoving photographers to get them to stop taking pictures of him in the VIP section and Chace fled his own party to avoid getting caught in the scuffle. [The Daily Express]
• Jackson Browne has settled a lawsuit and received an apology from Senator John McCain and the Republican Party for using his song "Running On Empty" during the presidential campaign. The GOP also pledged not to use any musician's work without permission from now on. [AP]
• More people are coming forward with tales of Mischa Barton's drug use. In a lengthy tale about one drug fueled night in London last year, a source reports, "She told us that she hated Kimberley [Stewart] and Paris Hilton because they had made fun of her after her DUI arrest but that Naomi Campbell had phoned her to offer some support. After some time she went into her purse and took out a bag of marijuana - when she put her purse down I could see traces of white powder inside it... Mischa was a sweet person but she is really foolish as both her drug and alcohol consumption was very open. She didn't seem to be able to control herself and I'm not surprised that it has snow-balled and that she is now in hospital. In my opinion she is going to need a lot of help to fully recover from what I saw that night in London." [Radar Online]
• Jackass star Bam Margera says he wasn't taken to the hospital for a drug overdose, but because he was on a four day drinking binge which he blamed on marital problems. "I may get a divorce ... booze helps," he said. [TMZ]
• In a new interview Ryan O'Neal said of Farrah Fawcett, "She never closed her eyes; her eyes were open for the last three weeks of her life... She was watching us. She didn't speak much, but she watched us. And then, finally, she closed her eyes." [MSNBC]
• The rumors that Jamie Kennedy proposed to Jennifer Love Hewitt last weekend aren't true but according to Jamie, she told him "By this time next year if we're not planning something, then there's a situation." [People]
• Check out these adorable photos of Emma Thompson and her adopted son Tindyebwa Agabe. Six years ago she and her husband adopted Agabe, a former Rwandan child soldier, at the age of 16. Today he graduated from Exeter University with a degree in politics. [The Daily Mail]
• In her first interview since her break down, Susan Boyle said of her rise to stardom, "The impact, like a demolition ball. Anyone who has that kind of impact finds it really hard to get a head around it... I guess I had to get my head around it, but through the guidance of a great team, and they are very good, I was able to see that in perspective and really turn that around a little." [The Sun]
• Susan Boyle will pose for a photoshoot that will appear in the September issue of Harper's Bazaar. [The Mirror]
• Marc Anthony has become a partial owner of the Miami Dophins. "I'm a huge sports fan," he said. "These opportunities don't come around too often. It's quite an honor and a privilege to be able to sit here today saying that I'm a part-owner of an NFL team." Now he and Jennifer Lopez are looking for a home in Miami. [People]
• Kelis skipped today's scheduled court date with estranged husband Nas... because she's in labor. Nas' lawyer says he's in New York for the birth of his baby and is "rushing to the hospital to be with her." [TMZ]
• Debbie Rowe's friend Marc Schaffel says, "At the end of the day, Debbie just wants what's best for the children... Her interest is that the children are going to be taken care of." [People]
• David Duchovney and Tea Leoni are looking less and less estranged these days. They spent Father's Day together with their kids, and David took Tea to the wrap party for Californication this weekend. [People]
• Alicia Silverstone will return to Broadway to reprise her role in Time Stands Still, a play about a photojournalist (who will be played by Laura Linney) recovering from and injury in the Iraq War. [The N.Y. Times]
• Adele, Kelly Clarkson, Leona Lewis, and Miley Cyrus will headline the VH1 Divas Live concert on September 17. [Perez Hilton]
• Jennifer's Body will premiere at the Toronto Film Festival's Midnight Madness program on September 10th. [Variety]
• Harrison Ford will be the guest of honor at the France's Deauville American Film Festival in September. [Variety]
• January Jones is on the cover of Interview's August issue. She says of her Mad Men character Betty Draper, "She is cracked, which is why I love her... I come from a family of very outspoken women. I can't imagine living in a time when you couldn't express what you felt... That's why Betty does what she does. She's imploding to the point where she gets so frustrated that she does something wacky." [People]
• Katherine Heigl says her first day back on the Grey's Anatomy set wasn't that great, explaining, "It was — I'm going to keep saying this because I hope it embarrasses them - a 17-hour day, which I think is cruel and mean." She added, "It was actually kind of really great to be back. All my friends are there and at this point, they're sort of like family, but it was a little weird because [T.R. Knight]'s not there anymore." [People]
• Last week Entourage featured an outdated Knocked Up joke about how Katherine Heigl would never go out with Seth Rogen in real life. Rogen responded: "Yeah, those guys are assholes. I actually ran into Matt … Kevin Dillon in a Starbucks. And he's like 'You know, I've got to kind of apologize because apparently the guy who created our show doesn't like you so much.' And I said 'Well, I have reason to believe because I think [showrunner] Doug Ellin is a moron from all I can understand so it makes sense he doesn't like me.' And I've kind of said some disparaging things about the show. Although in our defense, [producer] Mark Wahlberg called us misogynistic in an interview, so I think they kind of started that … It's on. Luckily I never have and never plan on watching Entourage." [N.Y. Magazine]
• "It is very disheartening that there are so many older men that prey on young performers. The younger you are, the more innocent you are, the more wholesome your image is, the weirder the fans become in terms of older men wanting to corrupt little girls. Even the way the paparazzi stalk the younger artists is very different from following around adults - I find that very disturbing." — Debbie Gibson [The Daily Express]

I can't tell if her idea of what's appropriate is so skewed from having to live at the Playboy Mansion, hanging out with Hef and James Caan and all his other aging perv friends, for so long, or if this is her way of testing the Basketts' acceptance of who she is. Actually, it's probably the former.

• Did a knock down, drag out fight with Lilo land Samantha Ronson in the hospital for "exhaustion"?

• According to TMZ: "Neighbors tell us [Lindsay and Sam] were going at it for a long time, but it reached a crescendo at around 4:00 AM after one of them screamed at the other, 'You never say you love me.'" [TMZ
• Gwyneth Paltrow, Madonna and Stella McCartney had a girls night out in London after Madge handed over her kids to ex-husband Guy Ritchie for the evening. Madge obviously knows that the best break up medicine (besides an affair with A-Rod) is a night out with the ladies. [Daily Mail]
• Lance Armstrong is expecting another child with girlfriend Anna Hansen. He has three children from his first marriage to ex-wife Kristin. [People]
• Girl Next Door Kendra Wilkinson is engaged to NFL player Hank Baskett. The wedding is slated for June 27 at, where else? The Playboy mansion. Initially she wanted ex-sugar daddy Hugh Hefner to give her away, but now Kendra is having second thoughts. [People]
• DJ AM, aka Adam Goldstein, is taking a page from fellow plane crash survivor Travis Barker and suing a bunch of people. "DJ AM is suing the estates of the two pilots who died in the crash as well as Clay Lacy Aviation, Global Exec Aviation, Inter Travel & Services Inc, Goodyear Tire and Rubber Co, and Learjet." He claims the pilots knew that the tires were shot and attempted to take off anyway. "Damn," says Michael K. of Dlisted. "I can understand suing companies and shit, but suing the estates of the pilots? I wonder if the pilots left behind any kids that need food, clothes and a roof over their heads. It seems a little extreme to try to fuck with the families, but I don't know the details and shit, so I will leave it at that." Word to that entire sentiment. [Dlisted]
• Marisa Tomei, 44, was conspicuously canoodling with Logan Marshall-Green, 32 (otherwise known as "Trey" from the O.C.) at the LA premiere of the Wrestler. You go Marisa! [Page Six]
• Apparently Suri Cruise gets 100 pieces of fan mail a day from all around the world. She is egregiously adorable. [Star]
• Slow gossip day, guys: Page Six reports that Bridget Moynahan uses the same dentist as her estranged baby daddy, Tom Brady. Riveting! [Page Six]
• Scar Jo's snot-filled Kleenex eventually went for $5,300 on eBay. Merry Christmas…sorta. [NYDN]
• Jennifer Hudson will perform a gospel song for her departed mom at the 2009 Grammys. [NYDN]
• Long dead drug kingpin Pablo Escobar loved Elvis, and even played his records when he was in the clink. Jailhouse rock indeed! [Page Six]
• Spencer Pratt keeps running his mouth about Heidi Montag's momma. "I just had visions of her mom trying to kill me in my sleep so I saw that as a possibility," he said at the Hills season finale party. Dear Momma Montag: we hope you have a Spencer-free Christmas and a happy New Year. [ASL]
• Ricky Martin: living la vida loca for 37 years as of today. [Dlisted]
• Though he's making a government salary now, from his Christmas shopping spree at Hermès, it's obvious that Arnold Schwarzenegger used to make the big movie star buckies. [ASL]
• Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are in Aspen for Christmas, and Mariah says she always gets holiday-themed lingerie. “Honestly, I always get Santa lingerie. Even if nobody’s going to see it! I mean, why not? But this year I’m definitely excited because it’ll be appreciated!” Mimi says. Cant'…won't…make this lame joke…sigh. Ho ho ho, Mariah! There. I said it. [Just Jared]
• Poor Ben Stiller has to spend Christmas in a cast. He broke his hand snowboarding over the weekend. [E! Online]