What Is a 'Sophisticated Handjob,' and Isn't It an Oxymoron?

I'm immature when it comes to a lot of things, but especially when it comes to handjobs. The reason is simple: Handjobs are hilarious. It's not possible to give one with a straight face when that face belongs to me. It is perhaps the most awkward motion to endeavor ever for someone not in possession of a penis. It is… » 4/24/14 12:20pm Yesterday 12:20pm

Turns Out, Shake Weights are Pretty Much Useless


As most of us know, the Shake Weight is the revolutionary exercise device handcrafted in the fertile pastures of SCIENCE that harnesses the divine power of Dynamic Inertia and "ignites" the muscles in your arms, shoulders, and chest.

However, according to recent research published the Journal of Sports Science & Medicine, … » 10/24/13 9:50pm 10/24/13 9:50pm

Waffle House CEO Allegedly Requires Routine Hand Jobs From Personal…

Joseph Rogers Jr., the CEO of the 24-hour Waffle House restaurant chain, has been accused of forcing his former personal assistant to "perform sexual services," among other forms of degradation and harassment, during the nine years that he employed her. The woman, whose name is currently being withheld, was interviewed… » 11/12/12 4:45pm 11/12/12 4:45pm

Jerking Off Dogs Is a Real Career (and Here You Were Doing It for Free)

Hating work these days? Sick of feeling disengaged at your cubicle and wish you could be your own boss? Maybe you want a more exciting hands-on career — one where you can really get your hands dirty. Have you considered jerking off show dogs so that breeders can use their semen in the decades to come? » 4/25/12 1:20pm 4/25/12 1:20pm

"I Have Genital Warts. How Do I Guiltlessly Have Sex?"

It's time for another installment of Pot Psychology, the advice column in which everyone's problems are solved with an "herbal" remedy. (Remember, kids: Don't do drugs!) In this episode, the Hoda to my Kathie Lee, Rich, helps me dole out advice on stuff like death, balls, and hobos. Got a burning question? Send it to » 6/13/08 4:20pm 6/13/08 4:20pm