[Washington, D.C., October 31. Image via Official White House Photostream]

A performer dressed as a grapevine tree moves about the north grounds of the White House greeting guests during Halloween festivities, Oct. 31, 2009. (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza)

This official White House photograph is being made available only for publication by news organizations and/or for personal use printing by the subject(s) of the photograph. The photograph may not be manipulated in any way and may not be used in commercial or political materials, advertisements, emails, products, promotions that in any way suggests approval or endorsement of the President, the First Family, or the White House.

[New York, October 31. Image via Pacific Coast News]

[Washington, D.C., October 31. Image via Getty.]

Participants wearing various costumes attend a Halloween reception for military families and children of White House and Residence staff hosted by the First couple at the East Room of the White House in Washington, DC, on October 31, 2009. AFP PHOTO/Jewel SAMAD (Photo credit should read JEWEL SAMAD/AFP/Getty Images)

[Washington, D.C., October 31. Image via Getty]

US First Lady Michelle Obama greets trick or treaters at the North Portico of the White House as they celebrate Halloween in Washington, DC, on October 31, 2009. The First couple welcomed more than 2,000 children from Washington, Maryland and Virginia schools and their families to celebrate Halloween. AFP PHOTO/Jewel SAMAD (Photo credit should read JEWEL SAMAD/AFP/Getty Images)

[Paris, October 31. Image via Getty.]

People, dress up as zombies, attend a march to celebrate Halloween, on October 31, 2009, in Paris. Halloween, which falls annually on October 31, is an ancient Celtic pagan rite, originally held to celebrate the dead and the end of the harvest season. Banner reads: 'Living dead are hungry.' AFP PHOTO FRANCOIS GUILLOT (Photo credit should read FRANCOIS GUILLOT/AFP/Getty Images)

Return To Oz: Years before Fairuza Balk showed up in The Craft, screaming "These are my gifts!" on the beach as deranged witch, Nancy, she starred as Dorothy Gale in this 1985 sequel to The Wizard of Oz, wherein Dorothy returns to the magical land over the rainbow and all hell breaks loose. I have to be honest with you guys: I don't remember much about this movie. The things I do, remember, however, come to me in nightmares every 6-8 months; the yellow brick road, destroyed; the creepiness of Jack Pumpkinhead, and the Tin Man and Cowardly Lion, turned to stone. Imagine, if you will, being 5 years old and thinking you were going back to a happy Oz, post-Wicked Witch, only to find the entire Emerald City effed up beyond repair! It was horribly traumatizing. For years I chose to believe that the movie wasn't real, and that I had made it up somehow. In college, I learned that many of my peers had done the same thing. We were all forced to admit that yes, Return to Oz was real, and yes, it scared the crap out of us.


The Neverending Story: I had nightmares for YEARS because of G'mork, the werewolf in the film, whose mission was to kill the brave Atreyu. I'm not going to lie to you guys; I'm still scared of G'mork. I can't even handle this picture. Look at him! THIS IS A WEREWOLF, CHILDREN! Don't be fooled by the lovable Professor Lupin or the shirtless Jacob Black; they all have a G'mork within!


The Snowman: When I was compiling this list, I asked my boyfriend if he had anything to add. Without hesitation, he said, "The Snowman." The Snowman is an animated short (based on the book by Raymond Briggs) that my elementary school teachers would show us every year, and my boyfriend is right: it scared the bejeezus out of me when I was younger. I attribute this mostly to the haunting soundtrack, sung by choirboys, that accompanied a young man and his snowman friend as they flew to the land of snowmen and then back home—where (spoiler alert) the snowman MELTS AWAY in the end. And he doesn't melt away in the "Well, kids! See ya next year!" Frosty kind of way, he melts away in the "here is an introduction to sadness and death" way that completely traumatized me as a child. I couldn't bring myself to build snowmen after that. Yes, he leaves his magical scarf behind, but the mood is significantly less joyful than finding Frosty's corncob pipe and magic hat in a puddle and thinking, "Oh, well, there's always next year!"


Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: I always had a mixed reaction when Willy Wonka pushed open the door to the Imagination Room, as I knew it meant two things: one, that we were just about to go through a delightful sequence in which children and adults would eat chocolate and sweets in a giant room of amazingness, and two: that the super-scary acid trip boat ride was just around the bend. As soon as Willy Wonka's Wonkatania shows up on the chocolate river, things start to get creepy. Suddenly Wonka becomes possessed as the walls spin out around him, showing snakes and scorpions and god knows what else as he sings that legendary song: "There's no earthly way of knowing...in which direction we are going..." It's a completely insane sequence in an already insane film, and it ends as abruptly as it begins, with the boat docking and everyone rushing in to get a glimpse of the Everlasting Gobstoppers. Add in the overall creepiness of the Oompa-Loompas, the claustrophobia-inducing moment where Augustus Gloop gets stuck in the pipe, and the scene where Wonka calmly explains that Veruca and her father may or may not be incinerated with the garbage, and you have the stuff of nightmares.


The Sword In The Stone: If you haven't guessed by now, I had a lot of nightmares as a kid. I was pretty easily influenced by whatever I watched on television (or what I read right before bed). One of the films that gave me nightmares was Disney's Sword In The Stone, though I didn't remember it until years later, when I watched it with my then-5 year old niece. There's a scene where the main characters, Wart (King Arthur) and Merlin go underwater to learn about the sea, and they are subsequently chased by a giant, terrifying fish. As soon as the fish came on screen, I remembered how scared the scene had made me as a kid; the yellow eyes of the fish showed up in many of my nightmares. The next day, my sister called my mother to tell her that my niece had been up all night with bad dreams. "Something about a monster in the ocean," my sister said. Oh, tradition!

Of course, there are a ton of other movies that technically could be on this list, namely Labyrinth and The Dark Crystal, though I consider those films to be somewhat intentionally scary, which is why I left them off. However, you are more than welcome to add your own traumatizing children's movie memories in the comments. Happy Halloween!

Earlier: A Totally Arbitrary List Of The Best Horror Movies Ever

• According to an ex-girlfriend of Yankees star Alex Rodriguez: "He was so vain. He had not one, but two painted portraits of himself as a centaur. You know, the half man, half horse figure. It was ridiculous." [NYDN]

• Apparently, the centaur paintings don't bother Kate Hudson any: "All she does is talk about Alex," says a source, "She even plans her movie schedule around him. She's madly in love." [ShowbizSpy]
• An author has written a book all about Britney Spears that is based on psychotherapy sessions he took...on Britney's behalf. .[LATimes]
• "There are some people out there who think that I'm repulsive, that I'm not even human. This guy said, if he had a choice between having sex with me and cutting his dick off, then he'd cut his own dick off. And I was like, first of all I think you're lying. But second, if he is telling the truth, then that says something pretty profound … about him."- Diablo Cody [Guardian]
• "Yeah, once in a while, but it's not like it used to be, now they're weird sizes and strange shapes. But yeah, once in a while we get a nice pair of panties."- Billy Joel, on having underwear thrown at the stage while he's performing. And yes, I wrote underwear, not the other word. Pant—-, see! I can't even write it! Ugh! [NYMag]
• Colin Farrell and his girlfriend, Alicja Bachleda, had a son together on October 7. The boy's name is Henry Tadeusz Farrell; he's Farrell's second child and Bachelda's first. [People]
• The woman accused of stalking both Justin Timberlake and Axl Rose claims that she's been targeted by "Babylon witches" who have "evil" powers over her. [TMZ]
• "I thought there were thousands of other guys that deserved it, but it's been a great year. But now the pressures off. I can be a slob again." -Hugh Jackman, on handing over his "Sexiest Man Alive" crown. [People]
• "I'm 61 now and I think I'll probably be touring for the next five years. I'm in better shape now than I was at 30. I'm like Benjamin Button."- Alice Cooper [Independent]
• "The Starry Messenger," starring Matthew Broderick, has been pushed back from its original off-Broadway debut date, due to shaky preview performances wherein Broderick seemed to forget several lines. [Yahoo]
• Bruce Springsteen, Mick Jagger, and The Black Eyed Peas joined u2 on stage last night at a concert celebrating the 25th anniversary of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. The show will be broadcast on HBO in November. [Yahoo]
• Metallica and Lou Reed also played together, as did Annie Lennox and Aretha Franklin. [NYTimes]
• Sienna Miller got upset when a photographer asked her about her ex-boyfriend, Jude Law, as she was walking her dog in New York City: "Just before she got home, she had an outburst, told the photographers to [bleep] off and burst into tears," says a source. [PageSix]
• "It was hard on both of us. When we were talking, I said, ‘Even though this isn't happening right now, I'm going to still go out on the road. And he said, ‘Great, I support you.' And he's been very supportive."-Lady Gaga, on continuing her tour after her planned tour with Kanye West was canceled. [ShowbizSpy]
• A source claims that the Jon Gosselin/Hailey Glassman breakup has all been"carefully orchestrated" for the press: "First, Hailey laments how hard her life has been lately and how bad Jon treats her, then Jon repents. Next, Jon plans to announce that he is going to be spending some time alone. It has all been designed so that it doesn't seem as though Hailey got dumped." [People]
• Meanwhile, Jon's spiritual advisor, Rabbi Shmuley Boteach has released another statement re: Jon's relationship with Hailey: "I have advised him to end it with Hailey. It is unacceptable to be in a relationship when he is still married and has to take care of kids who are hurting. It is not a healthy relationship." [PageSix]
• This slideshow proves that Heidi Klum is excellent at picking out and pulling off Halloween costumes. [CNN]
• "It is heartbreaking to see so many young girls and boys suffering. I spent some time visiting brothels and showing prostitutes how to use condoms to prevent the spread of AIDS. I met one woman who has three children and prostitution is the only thing she can do to feed them. I met children sold by their families into domestic slavery, who are abused and worked around the clock."- Molly Sims, describing a recent charity trip to Haiti. [PageSix]
• Kenny Ortega says that Michael Jackson was hoping to make a series of movies: "He told me he wanted to create a partnership with me to do films. We were talking about doing Legs Diamond. And we were talking about doing a full-length, 3-D feature of Thriller." [DailyExpress]
• "I'd never experienced anything like that, and I would never wish anyone else to. Being judged by the colour of your skin is horrible. My dad is really laid-back. He said, 'Don't worry about it. I've experienced stuff like that many times, especially when I was younger, so don't be upset for me. I'm fine.' Do you know what he did? He got my CD, went back in the shop and said, 'You've just offended a really nice young lady. I just want to leave you this, so you can look and see who it is. This is my daughter. I'm not trying to cause trouble, but I wanted you to see that.'"-Leona Lewis, on being asked to leave a shop because the saleswoman "didn't like the look" of her father. [DailyMail]
• JoAnna Garcia of Privileged will guest star on an upcoming episode of How I Met Your Mother, as a college friend of Ted's. [JustJared]
• Brooke Shields was the one who convinced Andre Agassi to shave his head; before then, he'd been wearing a wig on the court. [DailyMail]
• I was working in the lab late one night, when my eyes beheld an eerie sight, for my monster from his slab began to rise, and suddenly to my surprise,he did the mash! He did the monster mash! The monster mash! It was a graveyard smash, you guys. For real. [YouTube]

I'm not a natural disciplinarian. Maybe because I'm little and have a munchkin voice, kids don't tend to regard me as much of an authority figure, or listen to me when I try. But on Halloween, what I say goes, and I'm the candy-bowl dictator.

Growing up, this was generally my dad's role. He was strict about enforcing a one-piece rule, giving the stink-eye to uncostumed teenage carpet-baggers, and even making sure that each child take the obligatory box of Sun-Maid raisins my mother optimistically insisted they take along with their fun-size Snickers. However, one year, my parents were out of town.

That wasn't a particularly good period for me. I'd broken up with a boyfriend, wasn't doing much professionally, and was living at home in the suburbs, and I mostly remember a lot of experimenting with the spices in mulled cider and endless Upstairs/Downstairs DVDs. My first instinct, when my folks announced that they'd be in Connecticut come all-Hallows, was the coward's way out: a bowl of candy on the porch and an ineffectual "1 per trick-or-treater!" sign. I lit the jack-o-lantern, placed the bowl on the steps, and darted inside to observe furtively through the door. The first trick-or-treaters were little ghosts and brides escorted by parents (in my neighborhood there's usually some poor toddler duped into an arch political costume too) and the adults, if they didn't physically choose the candy, at least insisted on enforcing the one-per-child rule. (The raisins moved during this period too.) But then a pack of unescorted gluttons approached and, seeing the sure signs of a sucker's residence, proceeded to grab gleeful handfuls. I threw the door open, but I was too late: they were off, leaving a bunch of Sun-Maids to stare up at me balefully.

I refilled the bowl, donned a witch hat and waited. "Take one," I said sternly when the doorbell sounded, and watched with a hawk-eye. As the evening progressed, my methods become less draconian and more arbitrary. If I felt a "trick-or-treat" had been sullen, the child would receive not one but two boxes of raisins with his candy. If, on the other hand, a child was adorable, he or she would get two pieces. I was tough, but fair. And by the time the uncostumed teens came around, I was hardened. "No," I said coldly. "I'm out of candy. Here are raisins."

Later, I had the good-fortune to monitor the candy-bowl at the antique shop where I worked. It was here that I encountered the greatest act of audacity I'd ever seen: the phenomenon of parents - occasionally holding a newborn — who'd with great insouciance demand candy for an absent or toothless child. Luckily I'd doubled up on raisins for just this sort of thing.

This year presents a new neighborhood and a whole bunch of new children. I'm not anticipating trouble from the small, sweet weirdo who hangs around and asks if he can help me lock my bike, but there are always X-factors. These are why God made raisins. My other candy is always of the finest. Disregarding my boyfriend's suggestions of "Dove chocolates and Dum-Dums" (?) I've loaded up on those candies that, over the years and for whatever reason, always move: tootsie pops and fun-packs of Reese's Pieces, rounded out with Snickers, Peanut Butter Cups and, because I like them, Chunky. The house is Halloween-friendly, bedecked with a vintage-looking black cat in a crepe-paper ruff and a diminutive jack-o-lantern sporting a monocle. I want to be a highlight on the route, like the rich people on our block growing up (who may not have been rich at all, just really into Halloween) who gave a King-sized candy to every child, or the old woman who gave us paper cups of hot cider and fresh popcorn. (The cautionary converse? The elderly couple who handed out airplane-sized cans of Clamato.) I want to be a benevolent good witch. That said, it's not all treats. My fondest hope is that my hippie neighbors, for whom I cherish a totally unjustified animus and who so remind me of Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros that I can't listen to that band, will descend bearing pillow-cases. I fantasize about, not filling their sacks with raisins, but refined sugar and capitalist propaganda. And, okay, they can have raisins too.

[Los Angeles, October 30. Image via INFDaily.]

As the Times's Jennifer Steinhauer points out, fake guns and swords have long been forbidden at school, and although she depicts mask bans as part of a new crackdown, my brother and I were forbidden from covering our faces back in the nineties. What is new is an insistence on "positive costumes" rather than the traditional ghosts, vampires, zombies, and ax murderers. A school in Plainfield, Ill. encourages "costumes depicting animals and food (preferably carrots or pumpkins)" — the "carrots or pumpkins" preference implies that even dressing as junk food may be beyond the pale. Plainfield district spokesman Tom Hernandez says, "Several years ago, there was some push back in our community. Some people thought Halloween was a Satanic ritual." Perhaps embarrassed to have put himself in the same camp as Harry Potter haters, he backtracks: "Well, let's not say Satanic - let's say they were not comfortable with what it represents." So now, Halloween in Plainfield will represent ... salad.

Riverside Drive Elementary in LA's San Fernando Valley issued a whole memo about Halloween costumes, stipulating the following:

¶They should not depict gangs or horror characters, or be scary.

¶Masks are allowed only during the parade.

¶Costumes may not demean any race, religion, nationality, handicapped condition or gender.

¶No fake fingernails.

¶No weapons, even fake ones.

¶Shoes must be worn.

All of this really sounds pretty reasonable, except for the "no scary costumes" part. It's a little disturbing that schools now feel the need to protect children from fake blood and zombie makeup. But it's not exactly a surprise. I went to public school in the San Fernando Valley, and while I had a largely good experience, I can attest that there's nothing those schools love more than banning shit. I remember not just the mask ban, but also the yo-yo ban, the pog ban, the D&D ban, and the ban on "white socks pulled up to the knees and worn with cutoffs" (I think this was thought to be gang attire, but I never saw anyone wearing it, and the fact that it had to be recited aloud to us in homeroom every day for four years was nothing short of surreal). In some cases, these bans were meant to keep us physically safe. In others, they were meant to reduce conflict or status-jockeying (this never works, as a banned yo-yo is an even bigger status symbol than a legal one). And in others still, they seemed conceived in concert with overprotective parents as a way of keeping our little lives free of any untoward influence of any kind. The ban on scary costumes seems to fall into the last category.

According to Steinhauer, the LA Unified School District has long discouraged sexy costumes, such as French maids, and I find this somewhat easier to support. I get not wanting to initiate kids into the sexual-industrial complex before they're old enough to do their own face paint. But Halloween is supposed to be scary, and while I understand shielding the young and sensitive from horror movies, I doubt many children are going to be permanently scarred by seeing, say, a fake scar. And I find truly scary costumes a welcome antidote to the recent dominance of the sexy.

A few years ago, my mom told me about her favorite trick-or-treater — a fairy princess with a pink dress and an oozing bullet hole smack in the middle of her forehead. Was it in poor taste? Kind of. Did it glorify violence? I guess. But the whole point of Halloween is to acknowledge that death and gore and fear are part of human existence, and to celebrate them rather than fleeing them. Of course, fleeing and denying death (and aging, and disease, and anything else "gross") is exactly what American culture does every other day of the year, so perhaps the fact that we're now forcing our kids to dress up as carrots should come as no surprise. I can sense a backlash already, though: banning "horror characters" will just force kids to find more creative ways to be terrifying. Steinhauer cites one LA kid who's going as a box of Wheaties, which is so wholesome it's actually kind of scary.

Drop The Halloween Mask! You Might Scare Somebody [NYT]

[Jimbaran, Bali, Indonesia; October 30. Image via Getty]

A young girl dressed as a ballerina sits next to a ghoulish mask during a costume party to celebrate Halloween at Taman Rama International School in Jimbaran on the resort island of Bali on October 30, 2009. Halloween, which falls annually on October 31, is widely celebrated amongst the expatriate community in Indonesia as part of an effort to recreate traditions from their homes. AFP PHOTO/ SONNY TUMBELAKA (Photo credit should read SONNY TUMBELAKA/AFP/Getty Images)

[Bristol Zoo, England; October 28. Image via Getty.]