As the Times's Jennifer Steinhauer points out, fake guns and swords have long been forbidden at school, and although she depicts mask bans as part of a new crackdown, my brother and I were forbidden from covering our faces back in the nineties. What is new is an insistence on "positive costumes" rather than the traditional ghosts, vampires, zombies, and ax murderers. A school in Plainfield, Ill. encourages "costumes depicting animals and food (preferably carrots or pumpkins)" — the "carrots or pumpkins" preference implies that even dressing as junk food may be beyond the pale. Plainfield district spokesman Tom Hernandez says, "Several years ago, there was some push back in our community. Some people thought Halloween was a Satanic ritual." Perhaps embarrassed to have put himself in the same camp as Harry Potter haters, he backtracks: "Well, let's not say Satanic - let's say they were not comfortable with what it represents." So now, Halloween in Plainfield will represent ... salad.

Riverside Drive Elementary in LA's San Fernando Valley issued a whole memo about Halloween costumes, stipulating the following:

¶They should not depict gangs or horror characters, or be scary.

¶Masks are allowed only during the parade.

¶Costumes may not demean any race, religion, nationality, handicapped condition or gender.

¶No fake fingernails.

¶No weapons, even fake ones.

¶Shoes must be worn.

All of this really sounds pretty reasonable, except for the "no scary costumes" part. It's a little disturbing that schools now feel the need to protect children from fake blood and zombie makeup. But it's not exactly a surprise. I went to public school in the San Fernando Valley, and while I had a largely good experience, I can attest that there's nothing those schools love more than banning shit. I remember not just the mask ban, but also the yo-yo ban, the pog ban, the D&D ban, and the ban on "white socks pulled up to the knees and worn with cutoffs" (I think this was thought to be gang attire, but I never saw anyone wearing it, and the fact that it had to be recited aloud to us in homeroom every day for four years was nothing short of surreal). In some cases, these bans were meant to keep us physically safe. In others, they were meant to reduce conflict or status-jockeying (this never works, as a banned yo-yo is an even bigger status symbol than a legal one). And in others still, they seemed conceived in concert with overprotective parents as a way of keeping our little lives free of any untoward influence of any kind. The ban on scary costumes seems to fall into the last category.

According to Steinhauer, the LA Unified School District has long discouraged sexy costumes, such as French maids, and I find this somewhat easier to support. I get not wanting to initiate kids into the sexual-industrial complex before they're old enough to do their own face paint. But Halloween is supposed to be scary, and while I understand shielding the young and sensitive from horror movies, I doubt many children are going to be permanently scarred by seeing, say, a fake scar. And I find truly scary costumes a welcome antidote to the recent dominance of the sexy.

A few years ago, my mom told me about her favorite trick-or-treater — a fairy princess with a pink dress and an oozing bullet hole smack in the middle of her forehead. Was it in poor taste? Kind of. Did it glorify violence? I guess. But the whole point of Halloween is to acknowledge that death and gore and fear are part of human existence, and to celebrate them rather than fleeing them. Of course, fleeing and denying death (and aging, and disease, and anything else "gross") is exactly what American culture does every other day of the year, so perhaps the fact that we're now forcing our kids to dress up as carrots should come as no surprise. I can sense a backlash already, though: banning "horror characters" will just force kids to find more creative ways to be terrifying. Steinhauer cites one LA kid who's going as a box of Wheaties, which is so wholesome it's actually kind of scary.

Drop The Halloween Mask! You Might Scare Somebody [NYT]

Y'know, my first thought (post-disgust) upon seeing both the "illegal alien" (both "sexy" and Weekly World News versions!) and "Anna Rexia" costumes was, WTF? And not just WTF-offensive but rather WTF-commercializing-creative costumes! Buying ready-made was always a dubious choice; the getups looked like crap and you judged the lazy adults who wore them. In the day, you went mass-market for your slutty maids, your Clinton masks, your generic witches. Not, I repeat not, for high-concept costumes. These - "Intelligent Design", "Screensaver," "Punchline" - used to be the purview of the last-minutes half-assed quick-thinker. No more. Now, everyone's a wit - or some mass-produced, incredibly offensive interpretation thereof. In fact, I wouldn't be at all surprised if these flights of topical fancy were suggested by someone's slacker downstairs neighbor's kegger. It's further evidence of the homogenization of the unique - in this case, what ought to have stayed unique. It's inexplicable finding such a thing delightfully amusing in the first place - does seeing twenty of them on a shelves of a drugstore make the joke seem...more funny?

And then, as if it needs saying, there are the implications: what's bad enough as an asshole frat boy's attempt at racist irony becomes something else entirely when it's got money and presumably more than one yes-man behind it. It becomes, as we know, a reflection of said company and any store that decides to carry it - and of course a society that's spawned and supported it. Halloween costumes are all about the zetgeist. We all wondered what this year's Palin would be - and if it's "illegal alien," that's so depressing for so many reasons. Makes Slutoween look cloaked in rosy nostalgia.

Oh, and in case you need more of a glimpse into the cultural consciousness, BuzzFeed brings us a gallery of what they, with admirable understatement, term "politically incorrect" costumes. It's a mix of the homemade ("sexy 9/11," "Hitler Ronald McDonald") and the corporate (yes, you can apparently buy both "Hey Amigo" and "Plain Brown Rapper.") Do not try this at home - or at Target, please.

Target, Walgreens Pull 'Illegal Alien' Costume After Complaints [Chicago Tribune]

Politically Incorrect Halloween Costumes [BuzzFeed]
Anna Rexia Halloween Costume [BoingBoing]

In the clip above, Tina says that while she was doing the Bazaar shoot she thought, "Yeah, I look like this!" ... then they turn the wind machine off.

Below, she explains that her daughter is now old enough to pick her own Halloween costume, so the days of stuffing her in a ham sandwich costume and laughing at her are over. Tina doesn't want her to go as a "Barbie butterfly princess," but at least she doesn't want to be one of the Girls Next Door.

"I cannot look at Matthew Fox… We cannot keep a straight face." Since the show is shot in Hawaii, outside of the L.A. "scene," Jorge says he thinks of Lost "a show that just me and my friends do out in the jungle." He also said sometimes the cast will be distracted by whales or seals when filming (he totally used the word pinniped!). Jorge is an avid gardener, and showed Bonnie pictures of his heirloom tomatoes and his "salad bar." In addition to having a green thumb, Jorge is also crafty; he loves making Halloween costumes and has been an oyster and a fish in a fishtank. Verdict: He is awesome. Clip above.

• After Palin names Escada as her fave brand, the creative director is gracious: "If she does wear Escada because she likes it, I mean, I’m honored actually. It’s not politics; it’s clothing, after all. No? She’s an attractive woman, so why not?" [New York Mag]
• Fashion's totally in the tank for Obama — but we knew that. [WWD]
• Halloween update: Blake Lively was Cleopatra, Martha Stewart was Medusa. [Sassybella]
• Andre Leon Talley: "Fashion may not be the most important thing in life, but it definitely helps you get through it," [Philadelphia Inquirer]

• Adidas launching high-end SLVR line. It'll include sportswear, accessories and shoes — but no activewear. [WWD]
• Stella McCartney introduces kid-friendly windows. "Using just colouring pencils, Gary Card will create over-layered drawings of animals, dinosaurs, superheros and fantasy inspired characters on children's wardrobes in his typically naive and charming signature style." Just what you want to see on your six-year-old's Christmas list! [VogueUK]
• SJP's new "Twilight" perfume: just a coinci-dink that it jibes with the teen vampire flick? Synergy! [Fashionista]
• Georgia May Jagger's "style" includes derby hats, shiny leggings. [ElleUK]
• Prada's costume jewelry is gorgeous, as expensive as real jewelry. [Fabsugar]
• Goodwill tries to change its image for the recession; but why? [NY Times]
• Not shockingly, Anand Jon's defense lawyer says he's innocent. [Breitbart]
• Suits make the man. [Forbes]
• Timberland moves into video blogging to woo young men, who allegedly like that sort of thing. [Business Week]
• The first YSL retrospective is kicking off in San Francisco and sounds amazing: "The clothes, displayed in a gallery with low lighting and the feel of a giant walk-in closet, are stunningly beautiful: A 1988 Van Gogh "Irises" jacket embroidered with 40 pounds of sequins and beads. A 1997 garden party of a gown with a thicket of pink and green organza flowers, leaves, semiprecious stones and satin ribbons. A 1990 coat flocked with flame-colored rooster, pheasant and vulture feathers. The black wool dress with satin collar and cuffs worn by Catherine Deneuve in the 1967 film "Belle de Jour."" [LA Times]
• Supermoddle Jacquetta Wheeler comes from a huge Tory clan! [Daily Mail]
• These descriptions of the Australia costumes are totally overcoming our initial resolve not to see it: "Ms. Martin did extensive research for the costumes. She studied archival images and newspapers from 1930s and ’40s Australia and interviewed descendants of the original ranchers around Darwin. 'Whether an indigenous stockman'— or drover — 'wore socks with his boots when he rode a horse, that’s something you either get through a snapshot,' Ms. Martin said, 'or something you have to go talk to the people who lived there about.'" [NY Times]
• The new Chanel Unlimited bags, in a "glossy gray canvas material," sound grotesque. Opines Fashionista: These are totally Karl's answer to Prada's nylon bags. But worse, because they're plastered in not just one, but many logos." [Fashionista]
• Yeah it's barely past Halloween, but if you have "questions" about Holiday attire, The Washington Post will help you out. [Washington Post]
• Rosetta Getty expands her line, beloved of her celeb friends. Nice work if you can get it! [WWD]
• Is it just us, or are these new Helena Christensen ads for Agent Provocateur really unsexy? (Oh yeah, prolly NSFW.) [Daily Mail]
• Rochas names Marco Zanini creative director; he'll show his first collection for the the fall/winter 2009 season. [WWD]
• Princess Di's threads go under the hammer for charity. [VogueUK]

• A new study says that women are more stressed than men. We really don't have time to be reading and writing about studies like this because we totally have a big Powerpoint presentation to get and we are, like, about to pull our hair okay? Gawd! [Feminist.org]
  
• Dressing like a hooker for Halloween isn't just for adult women like us - now your kids can get in on the action. Feministing points out a costume website where there's a "Major Flirt" costume (filed under the "Occupation" category) for little girl. It's never too early to be a cock tease! [Feministing]
  
• Breast cancer survivors are among a huge percentage of women who start their own business, most of which are focused on helping fellow patients in need. [NY Times]

• Marie Curie's daughter, journalist Eve Curie Labouisse, has died at the age of 102. [NY Times]
• There's some controversy surrounding Oprah's recent show where she revealed she has hyperthyroidism. Apparently the expert she had on the show to discuss the condition offered up a bunch of wellness suggestions but never actually told women who thought they might have it to go see, you know, a doctor. Whatever. Why go see a shrink when you can just watch Dr. Phil? [Salon]
• Double suck. Your obesity risk increases after menopause. [Science Daily]
• All-girls boarding schools are on the decline in the UK, but administrators and students are still gung ho for single sex education. Lesbians! Kidding. Sorta. [The Independent]