<![CDATA[Jezebel: hallmark]]> http://tags.gawker.com/assets/base/img/thumbs140x140/jezebel.com.png <![CDATA[Jezebel: hallmark]]> http://jezebel.com/tag/hallmark http://jezebel.com/tag/hallmark <![CDATA[Another Piece Of Our Childhood Bites The Bustier]]> First they came for Strawberry Shortcake and we said nothing. Then they came for the Care Bears and we said nothing. But now they've come for Rainbow Brite, and this means war.



Rainbow Brite, aka Wisp, fashion icon and color-protector, has been re-imagined by Hallmark and is apparently now a Manga character. As Hortense points out, she and the Color Kids now bear an uncanny resemblance to Sailor Moon, who also defends the cosmos, but is a teenager and has nothing to do with colors. In fairness, Brite's makeover is not as reprehensible as is Shortcake's, but she is definitely sleeker and taller and, well, prettier, whereas Rainbow Brite was always cute.


Let's face it, even by 80's vaguely-galactic-pastel-cartoon standards, Rainbow Brite was slightly cockamamie: the plot, involving as it did the Colorless World, the Sphere of Light, the Color Belt, the Color Kids, the Sprites, Color Crystals, Color Caves and the Star Sprinkles, was basically incomprehensible, Kosinksi for the Romper Room set. And her look - which echoed the snowsuits of the times - was pure Reagan-era. They've already resuscitated newly-gaunt care bears and My Little Ponies; do we really need another wrong-headed sop to the Nostalgia Mart?

And here's what's always confusing: if it's all about playing into parental nostlgia - why are they turning everything into Bratz? Back in the day, little kids and cuddly animals could change the world as easily as a glamorous Jem. Nowadays, anyone under 5'10" need not apply, apparently; I'm braced for a modernist Sylvanian Family housed in Frank Gehry. And for that matter, if they want scrawny and big-headed, why not just bring back Rose Petal and friends? They were before their time.


The only toy with guaranteed immunity? Cupcake Dolls.


That is, unless she's rendered fat-free.


Rainbow Brite [Hallmark]
New Rainbow Brite [MyLittlePony]

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<![CDATA[Issue of Vegan Pets Divides Vets, Owners • In The Works: Woodstock, 2009]]> • Some vegan pet owners have begun feeding their animals vegan diets, because "living with a tiny carnivore" was too disturbing. Veterinarians remain skeptical. •

• Last Monday, China implemented an internet ban on YouTube. Although China has the technology to block only certain URLs, the entire site has been blocked from use. • In order to lure in the desirable baby-boomer demographic, The Hallmark Channel is playing up their status as a "soothing, predictable" network. At least they know their strengths. • The Statue of Liberty is set to re-open for the public on July 4th, 2009. Lady Liberty's crown has been closed since 9/11. • This is kind of a downer: America's eight most downsized cities. The "Rust Belt" list includes Youngstown, Ohio at number one and Detroit at number three. • Sled dogs are among the most energy efficient animals on earth, and scientists hope that their "fat-burning prowess" could be used to discover new ways to treat diabetes and obesity. • Delta Air Lines is resurrecting vintage uniforms for flight attendants from now-defunct carriers like Pan American World Airways to promote their pending merger with Northwest Airlines. • Forbes has some advice for those of us who suck with money: 7 steps to fix your retirement. •  Nickelodeon has asked kids to unplug their games and gadgets on April 22nd in honor of Earth Day. • Funny lady Janeane Garofalo is also in on the action, and in this video, she advocates for the "huge turn off" on Earth Day with some serious armpit hair. •  Sociological Images has pictures of the new Angela Merkel Barbie. She looks... classy? •  To celebrate the 40th anniversary of Woodstock, organizer Michael Lane plans to throw together a free, green, outdoor music festival. He is currently looking for sponsors and scouting venues in New York City. •  A unique community of killer whales has failed to recover from the Exxon Valdez oil spill in 1989. Experts say that the pod is slowly dying out, and with it, their distinctive song-dialect. • 

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<![CDATA[Not-So-Gay Greetings]]> Those gay marriage/commitment ceremony cards from Hallmark that the made the American Family Association take to the internets in protest are stirring up some more trouble in Idaho. Jordan's Hallmark stores, an independently-owned chain of card and gift shops in the Treasure Valley area has announced that they will not be carrying any of the gay-friendly cards in their stores. Drawing customers in with hate, not quality products, is a sad thing. [CBS News]

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<![CDATA[Remember the announcement that Hallmark is...]]> Remember the announcement that Hallmark is going to be rolling out wedding cards specifically designed for gay weddings and commitment ceremonies? Well the American Family Association has called for an email campaign against Hallmark — and it only took them 4 days! — to alert the company that gay marriage is "unhealthy" and "illegal in 48 states." Don't worry haters: there are still hundreds of cards, TV shows, magazines, books, decorations, expos, seminars, videos, and movies to remind homosexuals who live in the other 48 states that they can't share in making their love legally recognized. [AFA via Pandagon]

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<![CDATA[Gay Greetings]]> Hallmark is introducing a line of same-sex marriage wedding cards. The cards feature designs with two tuxedoes holding hands, two overlapping hearts, and rows of rainbow-colored hearts on their covers. Inside, the cards have a neutral message, making the cards appropriate for commitment and civil union ceremonies as well. The Greeting Card Association also notes that when a large company like Hallmark begins entering a niche market, it signals that a trend might happening within the greeting card business. Our question: is it too late to send Ellen and Portia written congratulations? [AP]

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<![CDATA[ Paris recently sued Hallmark for using her...]]> Paris recently sued Hallmark for using her likeness and identity without permission. In response, Hallmark made a motion to strike the case, in which their lawyers said: "Hilton has become a household name, based in large part on her efforts to draw attention to herself. Having done so, she has subjected herself to public scrutiny and the parodist's pen. The First Amendment does not allow her to respond by welcoming the fawning and flattering, but silencing the critical and comical." Oh SNAP! [TMZ]

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