Unfortunately for, uh, all citizens of Earth, the Girls reality show is apparently underway: ABC has picked it up and already chosen a star, a 25-year-old publicist named Hailey Glassman whose achievements include, hand to God, dating Jon Gosselin and being on an episode of My Life is A Lifetime Movie. She's also…

• Reportedly, John Mellencamp (nee Cougar) has "struck up a friendship" with the actress, who has apparently "dropped in" on his tour. Mellencamp and his supermodel wife of 18 years, Elaine Mellencamp (nee Irwin), just announced they're splitting up. Oooh!

• On the eve of Lindsay Lohan's probation violation hearing, Michael Lohan has issued a statement saying he'll never speak to the media about her again, after having a "conversation last night, with someone who means alot [sic] to me."

Today in Tweet Beat, Lil Wayne is Tweeting remotely, while Q-Tip is sorta biting Kanye's Tweet style, and sorta failing at it.

• January Jones claims she crashed into three parked cars last night because paparazzi were chasing her, but witnesses say she was alone — and smelled of alcohol. Also, in a bizarre twist, January called Bobby Flay to the scene.

• Renée Zellweger was photographed at the Carolina Herrera boutique in West Hollywood — as a huge rack of wedding dresses went by.

• After roughly a year and a half of marriage, Heidi Montag has reportedly kicked Spencer Pratt (and, presumably, his crystals) to the curb:

Today in Tweet Beat, Elizabeth Taylor addresses rumors that she will marry for the ninth time, Hailey Glassman is looking forward to celebrating 4/20, and Marlon Wayans stands up for celebrity Twitter rights.

Today in Tweet Beat, a shoe company pays Kristen Bell to go barefoot for the day to raise awareness about shoelessness, Dita Von Teese explains the torture of glamor, and Andrew WK, age 10.

• Michael Lohan won't have to introduce Lindsay Lohan to his fiancée Kate Major — Back in 2007 she was Lindsay's assistant/close friend. Kate even picked Lindsay up from rehab, but Linds dropped her when she started getting close to Michael.