• Nancy Pelosi admits she knew about waterboarding, but says her job was to get Democrats elected... and accused the CIA of lying to her. [Washington Post]

• While you're in the midst of feeling disappointed, don't forget that Barack Obama has promised to keep prosecuting Gitmo detainees in special military tribunals. (And, in an undisclosed location, Dick Cheney jizzes in his pants.) [CBS News]
• BTW: The CIA is refusing to declassify the documents Cheney wanted. [Politico]
• Attorney Eric Holder admits they're keeping tribunals because Republicans have convinced people that, without military tribunals, Gitmo detainees will be chillin' in Kansas. [Newsday]
• Defense Secretary Robert Gates is way less gleeful than his predecessor, Donald Rumsfeld, about sending Americans off to die. [Time]
• We're still going to keep funding those wars! [Washington Post]
• By the way, that whole "insurers are going to gouge you marginally less" thing Obama was touting? The health insurance industry is now saying its not going to keep to it. [NY Times]
• Right-wing crazy Michael Savage wants Hillary Clinton to convince the British government that he's not a hate-monger. Ha! [ThinkProgress]
• Prosecutors will be interviewing Karl Rove today, and Karl Rove will say nothing useful to anyone but himself. [Washington Post]
• Arlen Specter's 2010 Democratic opponent has dropped out of the race. [Huffington Post]
• In unrelated news, Specter has indicated he'll probably be willing to back the Employee Free Choice Act for that sweet (and slightly-sweaty) union embrace. [Huffington Post]
• Oh god: Teabagging 2.0? [ThinkProgress]
• Not surprisingly, one of the founders of the "movement "is a tax cheat who really, really doesn't want to have to pay. [TeaBlogging]

MEGAN: It is very rare that the news is so full of crap as today, which is why I guess they call Fridays "news dumps." That said, I believe Obama's dump of his advisers' Blago contacts is best represented by this doll which portrays him taking a physical dump. I love this doll. I want one so bad that I actually mentally scrolled through everyone I had ever met — including in Spain in 1995 — to think if there was anyone I could get to buy me one.

SPENCER: Can you summarize the Blago stuff for me? I don't want to read it. Like I really don't care.

MEGAN: Rahm Emanuel called him twice pro forma and everyone is as clean as a whistle. The end. Duh.

SPENCER: I see that even this Weekly Standard writer says, "Yep, not raising any flags for me, either. Now, everybody go on vacation." So is this actually the end or will it go on endlessly like Whitewater?

MEGAN: It will go on endlessly like Whitewater, no doubt. I'm just waiting for someone's cats to disappear or Michelle Obama to be accused of faking someone's suicide. I cannot believe you are ignoring the pooping Obama doll. In other crap, Karl Rove thinks Joe Biden is trying to consolidate power too much. I mean, I just mention it because it seemed like you might need a good laugh. We can stop laughing when Joe Biden gets a man safe, a secret bunker from which he can practice his necromancy and begins to age in reverse, but until then...

SPENCER: Maybe it's because it's Christmas but I can't bring myself to care about a pooping Obama doll. Also can we stop using the word "pooping." What happened to respectable slang terms like "shitting"? "Poop" sounds like something you coo to a baby. It's not like you can't curse on this blog

MEGAN: Shit smells. This is plastic. Ergo, in my mind, it is poop. These things are very strictly delineated in my mind. Also, my parents are walking in and out of the room, so I am apparently unconsciously self-censoring like I did in high school.

SPENCER: What's beautiful about that Rove quote, aside from the hypocrisy — which is pro forma at this point — is his bald assertion that he knows what Biden and Obama talk about. Hilarious. I can't wait for this asshole's book.

MEGAN: I believe we can say "Until he shits out his book," because, man, that's going to reek.

SPENCER: Also, did you catch Jason Linkins' Twitter-meltdown last night? WTF

MEGAN: I will admit something right now that likely makes me a bad friend to Jason. I follow him online but no longer get updates to my phone since he started Twittering football.

SPENCER: Oh I took him off my phone long ago. I have a zero-tolerance policy for over-twitterers.

MEGAN: To make up for that embarrassing admission, I will post what he would have said last Friday had circumstances preventing us from doing Crappy Hour:

Since circumstance robbed us of our Friday Crappy Houring, I wasn't able to say something that I wanted, which was what a highlight of the year it was for me to participate in Crappy Hour, and to thank the jezebel community for their many kindnesses. It was a real honor and a privilege.

SPENCER: And in fairness, I think I might have been live-tweeting that particular Redskins game with him and Greg Greene and Amanda Mattos. AWWWWWW I would say the same thing, but I'm not gay. :)

MEGAN: Aw, you guys.

SPENCER: OK so now to discuss Chris Cox?

MEGAN: Oh, fuck yeah.

SPENCER:

Christopher Cox, the embattled chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission, is defending his restrained approach to the financial crisis, saying he has provided steady leadership as Wall Street's main regulator at a time when other federal regulators have responded precipitously to upheaval in the markets.

This is a great quote:

"What we have done in this current turmoil is stay calm, which has been our greatest contribution — not being impulsive, not changing the rules willy-nilly, but going through a very professional and orderly process that takes into account unintended consequences and gives ample notice to market participants."

Like watching every investment bank it oversees self-destruct?

MEGAN: But that's not his job!!

"The public might not understand that that wasn't the SEC's job," he said, adding that the agency was not responsible for preventing investment banks from collapsing but rather for sheltering their securities trading units from problems in the broader corporation. "The SEC is not a safety and soundness regulator," he said.

I also like this part:

Cox said the biggest mistake of his tenure was agreeing in September to an extraordinary three-week ban on short selling of financial company stocks. But in publicly acknowledging for the first time that this ban was not productive, Cox said he had been under intense pressure from Treasury Secretary Henry M. Paulson Jr. and Fed Chairman Ben S. Bernanke to take this action and did so reluctantly. They "were of the view that if we did not act and act at that instant, these financial institutions could fail as a result and there would be nothing left to save," Cox said.

Um, hey, asshole? There's a reason why you got a 5-year term instead of a political appointment: so you wouldn't cave to political pressure to do stuff you know if bad.

SPENCER: No one can resist Hank Paulson. That's how you got those hickeys. What would Dennis Prager say?

MEGAN: Dennis Prager would say that Chrissy Cox should just lie down and spread her legs even if she's not in the mood! Which is apparently what Cox did!

It became the agency's responsibility to monitor them for financial and operational weaknesses under a program set up before Cox's tenure, but under his watch they got into such trouble that today they no longer exist as investment banks. Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers failed, Merrill Lynch had to be taken over, and Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley converted themselves into bank holding companies.

The March collapse of Bear Stearns illustrated an array of agency shortcomings, according to a review by the SEC's inspector general. He concluded that agency officials had been aware of "numerous potential red flags" at Bear Stearns "but did not take actions to limit these risk factors."

"It is undisputable," the inspector general concluded, that the "program failed to carry out its mission in its oversight of Bear Stearns."

SPENCER: That's how Cox thought the country needed to show the markets it loved them

MEGAN: I mean, the problem is that Cox was kind of a slut, he'd just spread 'em for anyone.

Treasury and Fed officials viewed Cox and his staff as nonplayers who had failed to foresee the brewing problems, according to people who were involved in those efforts but spoke on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the matter. They said Cox was often brought in for consultation only after major decisions had been made by Treasury and Fed officials.

Let's just say it: Bush nominated a random conservative Congressman from New Jersey to head the SEC because he didn't want anyone there who was particularly smart, engaged, knowledgeable or into regulating jackshit, and Cox fit the bill because he was a reflexive deregulator. And would get confirmed easily because Congress rarely fails to confirm its own.

SPENCER: Since I am not qualified to talk about what actually happened in the financial crisis I want to remind everyone that Chris Cox has been a conservative darling forever. Here's the American Spectator on who should be McCain's running mate:

Chris Cox: The best choice, bar none. This thoughtful and reform-minded chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission made his name for 16 years as the brainiest and perhaps most principled Reaganite conservative in Congress, as well as one of the best on TV.

MEGAN: I needed a good laugh, thanks. "Reform-minded," meaning, "let's get government out of the way of the markets so they can run the universe and make everything sunshine and rainbows!!"

SPENCER: Here's another such column. And here's Lisa Schiffren of NRO who needs no Prageresque advice when it comes to Cox:

Chris Cox is fabulous. He should be president. The only negative — alas, a big one — is that he has never managed to generate real excitement, even when running what should have been sexy hearings on big issues. He is obviously very smart, and a true policy wonk — the sort of guy who usually runs big, serious, difficult government institutions or departments. Is he a vote getter?

So at least that's fairminded!

MEGAN: "Sexy hearings on big issues?" Because the American public loves a wonk, and particularly the Republican American public. The last eight years have completely proved that. Speaking of, the red states are about to get more Congress members in 2011. California, New York, Massachusetts, New Jersey, Florida and Pennsylvania are gonna lose. Which means: vote in your state elections next year and in 2010!!

SPENCER: Oh beautiful. This will bolster the arguments of all conservatives who don't see themselves leading the GOP into regional-party marginality to push the party rightward. And here I was thinking Afghanistan will doom the Obama administration.

MEGAN: And I was all excited that a judge ordered the release of 4 Gitmo detainees and The Europeans might be willing to accept some Gitmo detainees in resettlements deals. But we should end on a high note. Of the people Bush pardoned for Christmas, one was Charlie Winters, posthumously.

Mr. Winters was among a group of several hundred Americans and Canadians referred to by the Israelis by the Hebrew acronym of “machal,” or “volunteers from outside Israel.” They secretly helped in Israel’s war of independence in 1948, a year after its creation as a Jewish state.

He was an Irish-Catholic from Boston, and never said a word about it to his son. He was also the only one who did any prison time for it.

SPENCER: Yeah I have to give Bush credit for that. Dayenu. What a merry Jewish Christmas.

A very heartfelt thanks to Esquire's James Folta for the news (and picture) of the squatting Obama doll

• For those of you expecting a week-long party to start off the Obama Administration, prepare to be disappointed. There will be one public event welcoming you to D.C. on Sunday afternoon. Monday will be a day of community service, and the Inauguration will occur on Tuesday out in the cold, followed by formal balls you're unlikely to get into without connections. But if you want to rent an apartment anyway, I have really nice towels. [Politico]
• Barack Obama plans to announce the appointment of Clinton-era EPA Administrator Carol Browner to be the White House Energy Coordinator (they hate the word "Czar" as much as we do) and Nancy Sutley, a deputy mayor of Los Angeles, to be a chair of the White House Council on Environmental Quality. Sutley will be Obama's first openly gay Cabinet appointment. [Politico]
• In the meantime, if you need some cheap electronics or office furniture, the McCain campaign has some they'll sell you cheap. [Washington Post]

• As rumored yesterday, law enforcement sources have confirmed that Congressman Jesse Jackson, Jr. is Senate Candidate 5 from the Blagojevich indictment. [CNN]
• He says he's done nothing wrong. [Politico]
• Congressman Don Young, who is being investigated on corruption charges, is resigning the leadership role on the House Natural Resources Committee "for the good of the party." See, Chairman Rangel? It's actually kind of easy. [The Hill]
• That auto bailout is finally done, but it still might not pass the Senate. [Fox News]
• The Pentagon flew several of the family members of people who died in the September 11th attacks down to Gitmo to watch the tribunals and make Obama feel too guilty to shut it down and try the detainees in civilian and military courts on American soil with, like, rights and stuff. The families "marveled" at the rights the detainees do actually get in the tribunals (unlike in their holding pens). [Reuters]

• Barack Obama and John McCain met this afternoon in which they talked about combating government waste and bitter partisanship and took some pretty, pretty pictures for us peons. [Washington Post]
• Vetting Bill Clinton's sketchy dealings in Central Asia and the donor list for his library might well cost Hillary Clinton her SecState job and prove that Obama was right to have been demanding those get released during the primaries. [Politico]
• But Obama is firmly against torture and keeping Guantanamo Bay open, so that's good at least. [Washington Independent]

• Senator Diane Feinstein (D-California) introduced legislation today to make it illegal to sell the free Inauguration tickets (punishable by a $100,000 fine and up to a year in prison) or to forge them. Yipes. Get them legal or watch it on TV, ladies. [CNN]
• Connecticut Senator Joe "Benedict Arnold" Lieberman is now expected to keep his chairmanship but lose his subcommittee chairmanship as his "punishment" for betraying the Democratic party. I guess we know about how hard Harry Reid intends to push back on, like, anything now that he's solidified power. [Huffington Post]
• With that news, former Senator John "The Inseminator" Edwards has decided to stage his own comeback. [Daily Beast]
• Alabama Senator Richard Shelby — who's been the GOP's point person on negging the auto bailout — scolded South Carolina GOP Senator Jim DeMint — who's been gunning for more power in the party — for saying the Republican losses this year were the fault of John McCain's betrayal of the (social) conservative brand of the GOP. Abortion and gay marriage, that's all the GOP should be against, totally. [CNN]
• By the way, New Gingrich says that we are all a part of a "a gay and secular fascism in this country that wants to impose its will on the rest of us, is prepared to use violence, to use harassment. I think it is prepared to use the government if it can get control of it." Yeah, fuck us for being all like "separation of church and state" and trying to take advantage of "equal protection under the law" and exercising our First Amendment rights to assemble and petition the government and shit. What fascists we all are. [Media Matters]

• Raymond Hunter Geisel (no relation to the awesomest Geisel ever) was arrested in Florida today for threatening to assassinate Barack Obama. One nutjob down, too many to go. [Politico]
• A President is going to get impeached! No, not ours. Pakistan's own Uncle Pervy. [HuffPo]
• Salim Hamdan, convicted earlier this week of driving for Osama bin Laden, was sentenced today to 66 months in prison. He's already been at Gitmo for 61 months, which means he should be released in 5 but this is the Bush Administration until January 20th. [Washington Post]

• Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick, he of the racy and lied-about text messages, was set to jail today for violating the conditions of his bond. The judge said, "If it was not Kwame Kilpatrick sitting in that seat — if it was John Six-Pack sitting in the seat — what would I do? And the answer is simple." Thought Kilpatrick, as he is likely wont to do, "But I am Kwame Kilpatrick!" And then off to the hoosegow he was led. [NY Times]
• In the mean time, the Democratic party's statement of principle on the Iraq War has been leaked. The war was bad, troops will be redeployed, we need a "diplomatic surge" and there's going to be (one hopes) an increasingly small number of troops there for a while yet so that the Dems can't be accused of cutting and running though they still will be. [Washington Independent]
• Margaret Dupes and her (recently fired) high school newspaper adviser are pissed that the high school's principal spiked her piece decrying abstinence-only education. Said principal told the adviser that he was uncomfortable with the content, but his lawyer's telling the press that it was because he was convinced it must've been written by an adult. Great faith in your students, sir! [UPI]

MOE: Hi, what's going on. I'm tired. Your boy Mark Penn and Karen Huges sure look like the match made in Hell, no?
MEGAN: What is it they say about when lions and lambs lay down together? I'm not sure whether the rapture has already happened and I just didn't notice what with living in D.C. and all and no one going missing, or if the apocalypse is starting, or if D.C. is really just purgatory.
MEGAN: Also, the Clinton camp: pissed and somehow surprised that Obama's big donors haven't given them more money to pay off the debts they accumulated after winning became a mathematical impossibility. Also pissed that Obama won't give them his small donor email list to spam with requests. Like, for real. If you have him $5, she wants your email address to be able to ask for for $100.
MOE: Better idea: Roger Ailes! Sean Hannity! Get Bill Kristol to write about in his column! And surely Rush can afford to pitch in what with the four hundred million dollars and everything. He's got some listeners too I have heard.

MEGAN: I mean, it only seems fair. His minions supposedly help keep her in the race, he wouldn't want the small business people (who probs vote Republican anyway, or will now that the Dems are dicking them around) to not be able to feed their families!
MOE: Hey, this guy looks like he's got some pull with the plutocracy, maybe hit him up too. Don't click if you don't want to stab yourself. I actually might write a letter to the WSJ on the breathtaking inanity of this argument.
MEGAN: Did you know I used to work for the nonpartisan Tax Foundation?
MEGAN: I doubt Scott crunched those numbers, but hey Gerald! Hope your wedding was beautiful!
MEGAN: Also, don't know if you missed this yesterday, but Obama's Social Security funding plan is probably a good part of what's got their knickers in a twist.
MEGAN: So, like, you (and your employer) pay Social Security on the first $102,000 of your income
MOE: Hahahaha what he says, it's soooo nuts! It's like an argument you'd find in a time capsule from 1978 you'd look at and go, "Well, I suppose back then it sounded like he had a point, but the thing they didn't quite realize then is that when rich people pay fewer taxes they don't really generate economic growth outside themselves, and maybe the Caymans and a bit of Shenzhen."
MEGAN: And everything after that is SocSec tax free. Obama thinks that between the cap (adjusted yearly for inflation) and $250,000 (probably not adjusting for inflation, though that's not clear), you wouldn't pay more. After that, if you made more than $250,000, you would resume paying Social Security taxes of 2-4% on those earnings — and so would your employer, creating a small disincentive for paying you more.
MOE: Tom Frank's tilting yard is up your alley, on the corporate push to actually draft some legislation for once, so Comrade Obama can't immediately draft a 5 Year Plan.
MEGAN: Well, I would disagree slightly with the assertion that all the Republican Congress members are retiring just to cash in as lobbyists (they'll have to wait 2 years, except for Trent Lott who only has to wait out this year because of when he retired). I actually think it's because they're a bunch of whiny little idea- and idealless babies who are taking what remains of their balls and going home because they don't like playing if they're not on the winning team.
MEGAN: Other than that, that's an excellent analysis.
MEGAN: So did you want to talk anything about James Baker and Warren Christopher saying there needs to be a new War Powers Resolution, not that the one we have has ever been invoked?
MEGAN: Or would you prefer to fuck any further serious discussion and skip straight to the Formula One guy's Nazi sadomasochistic sex scandal? Because, I can't lie, I read one of those articles more thoroughly than the other.
MEGAN:

In arguing that The News of the World was guilty of a “gross and indefensible intrusion,” he has spoken candidly of his passion for sadomasochism, which he has told the court has lasted for 45 years.

MOE: Please tell me more about the F1 guy. I never could quite follow that one and the Jalopnik guys seemed to be all over it. Also, what is even up with sadomasochism? I'm so ignorant. And innocent! Whatever it is sounds better than Ashley Alexandra Dupre's reality show .
MEGAN: Dude, for REAL, I do not understand reality TV.
MOE: I love the TNR homepage link to book review: Have Freakonomicists Actually Revolutionized The Way We Think About Happiness? Or just the Hackness To Which We Will Stoop In Our Headlines?
MEGAN: Ok, so, like Max Mosley is an important guy in Britain and his parents were, like, British gentry but also really into Hitler back when Hitler was still alive and stuff. And then a Brit tabloid got video of him participating in a really, really long S&M session with 5 women that played on prison fantasies but apparently also had some Nazi overtones (the word Aryan was used!) and now he's suing them for invasion of privacy and in the trial everyone is like, I like pain! With sex. The end.
MOE: Neither do I, for the record. I just don't get it. Interestingly, even Tracie, the other night when we were hanging out engaged in one of those deep intellectual conversations we have all the time, was like, "I'm over it. I never thought I'd say this but it's possible for something to be too stupid for me to watch."
MEGAN: Also, only in wealthy Britain would your husband of 40 years like getting caned to the point that it leaves marks and draws blood regularly (or enough for him to differentiate between caning, whipping, beating and spanking) and you not notice the marks. Like, for real. Did they sleep bundled?
MEGAN: As for the deal with S&M, I mean, I'm no afficianado, but I think it speaks to the reality that the brain really is the only true sexual organ.
MOE: Can braindead people get off? I don't really think I believe it. Re reality TV it looks like some guy from the first season of the Real World is running for Congress, which I suppose is just another sign of our generation passing the Pointlessness baton to the Youngs. I suppose I ought to give mine up too but first I want to write a post on whether Charlize Theron is actually smart.
MEGAN: Um, I think all I can say after reading that is: Brooklynites, please vote for Ed Towns.
MOE: Have you been reading any of these space dominance stories? Because I keep meaning to and not. Are we worried China's space program is going to find a place to launch excess emissions before we do and leave us to be dessicated by the global warming Dick Cheney is still maintaining does not exist?
MEGAN: I'll confess, the last story I bothered clicking on about space travel was this one about fucking in space.
MEGAN: But, no, because we're going to pump all our carbon dioxide into the empty pockets under the sea from whence we will be extracting oil, so it'll all be fine. Once we, like figure out how to do it.
MOE: Here's another headline I like: "Meet Huzaifa Parhat, who personifies the absurdity of U.S. policy in Guantanamo Bay." Uh, yeah, as opposed to all the other victims of U.S. policy in Guantanamo Bay. I saw that post on drudge. What's with the headlines today? "For Better of Worse, Sex In Space Is Inevitable." That's better than this post I saw on TNR the other day, "6 Reasons The Border Fence Is A Bad Idea." I am guiltier than anyone here but Jesus CHRIST I feel like building a border fence around the internet.
MEGAN: Maybe all the good headline writers took the week off and are vacationing with Jon Stewart?
MOE: No, they all took buyouts silly! My mom has been railing against the buyouts at the Washington Post. It's really odd to remember things like READERS ACTUALLY NOTICE.

MEGAN: Your mom might be the only one, though! The real question is whether Americans will notice the scaled-back convention coverage that's supposedly to "offset" the costs of Obama going to a bigger venue for his speech but is really just an excuse for the networks to do what then have been dying to do for years and cut back on boring convention coverage that no one watches anyway. Plus, they can't do it for the DNC and not not for the RNC so it's like a bonus.
MOE: I think w/r/t this War Powers Resolution act I would be part of the problem because I can't really finish the story and I know it has to do with the fighting over powers among the various branches of government and probably Dick Cheney knows best anyway right? But like, what does this resolution say? It was passed in pre-Watergate Nixon times…is it just really scary?
MEGAN: I mean, the thing is, that Constitutionally, to declare war on anybody, the President has to go to Congress to ask permission. But, like, that's haaaaard. So that's why Vietnam wasn't really a war and this isn't really a war, etc. And basically, since WWII, Congress and the Administration have tried to come up with a way to bypass Congress's Constitutional powers in the matter, because just like Americans supposedly all believe they'll be rich someday and thus supposedly don't want higher taxes on rich people, everyone on the Hill thinks they'll be President someday and thus is enamored with executive power, which is the thing our Founding fucking Fathers tried so hard to control.
MOE: Oh, and Osama Bin Laden's evildoer son looks young enough to be the son of OBL's other son, you know, the one with the British cougar wife who looks like she writes soft sadomasochistic erotica…ANYWAY, that made me think, when was the last time someone had a kid at the White House? What if the Obamas had another kid? I bet Rush would send the nicest presents.
MEGAN: So the War Powers Resolution sucks, and hasn't been used, and gives Congress very limited oversight and the Administration a lot of war-declaration power but it's never been used and Administrations have continued to drag us into armed conflicts that aren't "wars" by just going around it. Baker and Christopher suggest writing a new one with a robust role for Congress (thank GOD) — at least on the surface — as well as powers to the President but it requires oversight and consultation for any military action lasting more than a week, requires Congressional approval of military actions within 30 days (but exempts covert actions and response to terrorist attacks, SIGH, which just gives a reason for the next Bushie to declare that Iran is part of the War on al Qaeda or whatever but something is better than nothing).
MEGAN: And I love how the kid is against us, Britain, France... and Denmark. Denmark's probably all like, what the fuck, kid? We've got Danishes and beer and shit.
MOE: Anyway apparently this 16-year-old Hamza Bin Laden is Osama Bin Laden's "likely heir." Or, that is, according to the lofty source that is the Sun. OH, and I loved the Denmark thing too. Like, I bet we could write a comic book and get added to their terror list. Or maybe a YouTube video. Yes, that, exactly. Although, on second thought, I feel like I sort of know what it's like to be on a terror list. I'm back to joining the Iranian resistance if you're in.
MEGAN: Do I have to dye my hair dark like Ashleigh Banfield? Because I look really gothy with dark hair, even without the makeup. Not that I, uh, have any experience with that or anything. Nope.
MOE: Oh shit how did I miss this haha Republican convention planners want him out of town before McCain even gets there? Like, if you thought McCain's temper was reserved for Sandinistas and his wife you have no idea how he gets around his actual enemies.
MEGAN: Also, I love how they're floating that to see what the backlash will be to it.
MOE: I will say this, too: I was at this thing, the other night, called "Shoot The Messenger," and before the evening took a turn for the, er, interesting, the comics had a funny segment about who registered Republicans think John McCain should pick as a running mate, with 45% choosing John McCain 2000 for his appeal to the independents and 35% choosing John McCain 2004 for his appeal with supporters of the war. Anyway, it made me laugh. That is all.

MOE: Hahaha see I still have a soft spot for McCain 2008 God bless him'
MEGAN: You know, my grandmother (who I saw a week ago) said that she had been a huge Hillary supporter and was really disappointed that she lost, but no way in hell would she vote for 2008 McCain. She said she thinks he's senile and an idiot, and that it's his creeping senility that makes him so different in 2008 than he was in 2000 when she would have considered voting for him. My grandmother, by the way, is 81.
MOE:

"You know that old Beach Boys song, Bomb Iran?" he said, then sang "Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran" before discussing what he considered Iran's serious threat to Israel and international security.

MOE: There is a storied history in the Tkacik household of cracking senile jokes as early as age 10, for which we ended up coining the blanket rejoinder "Yeah, grandpa." So like, I have a total weakness for the Grandpa humor. I could write a book of tasteless Grandpa jokes throughout history even. Anyway, just a thought. Not that I don't love the crowd here! I feel like the news is BORING today. Is it me?

Freedom makes you long for fried potatoes, some of which he'll bring you from the MP canteen if you let him win a few rhetorical rounds. "Philosophically, I suppose I am also seeking love," you allow. But that soon becomes irksome. You remind him that he would, were his society less inculcated in materialism, probably take eternal life with 69 virgins or whatever the stupid legend has it. No, he knows he knows nothing of the pain suffered by your people at the hands of his, their tragic marginalization and disenfranchisement at the hands of Dudes like himself, just as you know that, in his position, you would probably be a little rougher about flouting those Geneva Conventions. He used to dream of "cracking" a high-level suspect like yourself; but "cracking" is probably apocryphal; no one in this wing of the prison has ever seen it happen and now everyone's curiosity has receded into a quiet unacknowledged acceptance of the fact that everyone there is seeking the same thing: Death.

(With virgins.)

Alleged 9/11 Mastermind Due In Court [Washington Post]

MOE: Hey! Look! We're on the same couch!
hahaha I heard that! Someone's IM-ing you!

MEGAN: And both hung over!

MOE: You're supposed to be doing crappy hour!

MEGAN: It was you! I swear! God, you're soooo jealous.

MOE: Oh, yes, I'm hungover. I have these friends who actually have the day off!

Whoa! Jumpy much?
MEGAN: There was a gnat!

MOE: (Megan just killed a "bug")

Okay dude, so we have soooo"are a contributor to global warming.

MOE: This is why I drink kombucha.

I like my gut flora.

Anyway this wasn't even ON the agenda today.
MEGAN: Oh, like we have an "agenda." That's for grown-ups

And/or people without hangovers who work in their PJs
MOE: So like Harold and Kumar are going to Guantanamo, bro!
MEGAN: That's what Kal Penn gets for supporting Obama!
MOE: It's just one of the many examples that the fact we have this random prison in a country we don't even recognize for people we think might be terrorists but no one has enough evidence to press charges!

oh let's finish that sentence1

It's just one of the many examples that the whole Guantanamo thing has sorta seized the public imagination!

Imagine that!
It comes out April 25

MEGAN: I think that the public would rather the prison was fictional. I know I'd like it better that way.

MOE: How many prisoners are still left there?
MEGAN: several hundred
MOE: I really wish that story had been written by the Washington Post.

My old friend Jon wrote Harold & Kumar with his college buddy one summer at Penn.
I was always so proud of him bc he went to Wharton and usually people who go to Wharton wind up just making their money by gambling with other people's money but he actually gambled with his creative soul!
So like

MEGAN: The only famously immature person from my alma mater is Howard Stern.
MOE: Ooooooh we have Donald Trump and Saul Steinberg and Warren Buffett. And Andrea Mitchell but whatevs. And Melissa Rivers! ANYHOWZE
Kosovo declared independence! Should we talk about this? And by "we" I mean "you" because all I remember about Kosovo is how they are ethnic Albanians or whatever, and Albania had that whole ponzi scheme thing.

And how we used to like to stick up for the religious freedom of Muslims.

MEGAN: Um, I know their PM is hott.

MOE: Until we realized they were EEEEVIL et.c
MEGAN: And Kissinger droned on about them during his speech at my college graduation in 1999

Which, like, it's 2008 and something is only now happening?
Also, the Serbs don't like it, and their PM claims that it's all a violent thing initiated by Bush, only his supporters slept off their hangovers before getting around to initiating some violence before his speech so they did it after.
And then they stoned our embassy in Belgrade.
Oh, and the UN still has to protect Serbian minorities in Kosovo from violence from Kosovars.
MOE: Now, Putin hates Kosovo bc of Chechnya? Or just bc he's EEEEVIL?
MEGAN: Um, I'm voting Evil. Putin hates breakaway provinces, and anything supported by us, like Kosovo. And Muslims. Especially breakaway Muslims.
MOE: Right. But he's down with like Iran and Syria right?
MEGAN: Yeah. I'm pretty sure he's just jealous because everyone thinks Thaci is prettier.
MOE: Okay sooooo Jessica Baty
MEGAN: I feel so awful for her when she starts crying.
MOE: The girlfriend of Steven Kazmierczak says he was on Prozac.

I feel like crying when she cries.
"Interest in Nietzche is the one thing all school shooters have in common." That might be the only thing he shares with them though.
MEGAN: I feel like the aggressive wearing of all black clothing is another thing.
MOE: But yeah, reading about how he was so focused on prison reform and rehabilitating criminals and giving people who had fucked up a fair shake — that probably points to something. Maybe like rabidly homophobic Christians who are closet gays! OR something.
So, uh, what's happening on the John Edwards endorsement front? Predictions?

MEGAN: Well, one of the reports I read yesteday said they he was cutting himself while in juvie, and then wrote a thesis on self-mutilation in the prison system.
I think Edwards waited too long to be relevant.

I mean, he dropped out ages ago, and Mitt dropped out last week, and Mitt's endorsed by Johnny hasn't

MOE: And should we discuss how Obama has convinced Charles Barkley to run for governor of Alabama?
MEGAN: In 2014!

MOE: Well Edwards can make up for poor timing with a good speech if he does it soon.

MEGAN: Soon being the operative word.

MOE: If he does it this week he can get a whole week of coverage.
MEGAN: But he's "torn," like Natalie Imbruglia and thus equally irrelevant
MOE: Hahaha I just saw random pix of Natalie Imbruglia on one of the wire services! She was hanging out with Natalia Vodianova, Lucy Liu and Valentino at some really weird looking event that has to have taken place in a foreign country.

NEITHER HERE NOR THERE.
MEGAN: But, yes, Edwards needs to make up his mind really soon
MOE: I'm looking for fun art re Guantanamo and it's hard! Did you see Sicko? He went there but it was hard to get in.
Oh and speaking of ...Morgan Spurlock! Loser.

MEGAN: And, by hard, I assume you mean "he almost got blowed up"
I just don't understand why you would go to Afghanistan to search for OBL and think you wouldn't face crazy death threats.