Jezebel 
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New York, 7:09 PM
Sun Nov 8
25 posts in the last 24 hours
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07/15/09
07/14/09
When I was in my 20's I used to bartend at a Gentlemen's club. One evening the doorman came to the bar white as a sheet to ask me to watch the door for a moment, he had been in the mensroom and found a plunger handle up sticking out of a toilet. On said plunger was evidence of...well ...self violation.
We often wondered who would deface our plunger but we never found out who it was...
I have more of these stories, but I will wait till we have a Stripclub of Horrors thread.
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okay, i wasn't embarrassed, but he was.
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I've done it and I've actually been shamed. Is it my fault women take 15 min to pee, wash hands their hands, and leave?! I was offended someone actually bothered to stop me from going in but whatever; when I have to pee I don't abide by folkways.
07/14/09
If the latter, perhaps they can go fry some ice. Would they have preferred ... well, never mind.
I have chivalrous friend-boys who will actually guard the door, in a real emergency. But then again, I know cool people.
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He made a slight fool out of himself because I just went in to wash my hands, but apparently he didn't want to share his precious man sinks and toilets with someone of the female persuasion.
07/14/09
Ex: [disgusted face] This tastes like a urinal cake.
Me: They have cakes in urinals??
Ex: Not a cake you eat, a cake you pee on.
Me: Why would you do that to a cake?
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If you sprinkle
When you tinkle
Be a sweetie
Wipe the seatie.
I watched a woman walk out of a stall, and I walked in behind her. There was piss all over the seat. Being of staunch bladder, I decided that I could hold it and some public shaming was in order. By the time I found her, she was hanging off some guy in the bar. I asked him if she ever peed on the seats when she spent the night at his place.
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That said most customers are house trained, and kids seem to cause the problems in the store far less than the adults who just "miss the toilet".
07/15/09
07/14/09
Hint: Never eat with your left hand.
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Theoretically, great idea however I was never able to understand how one would dry themself...
Do you just walk around with a wet crotch?
Same for the left hand, are you supposed to use it as if its the TP?
How does that do an adequate job?
Call me perplexed.
07/14/09
I have SUCH bad shit karma from that experience. Sorry, Koh Lanta.
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07/15/09
I actually liked the squat toilet idea, way better than the hover you have to do here. They should regress back to those in NYC.
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Was not until many years later that I realized my method of standing before the toilet, dropping trou and just peeing straight into the bowl, is not possible for the majority of women. Um. Of course, if many women -were- so equipped as to make this feasible, there'd be a real call for women's urinals I imagine.
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I've yet to have anyone accept the offer, but whenever I bring up my habits, I always mention what my lesbian aunts taught me -- nearly any woman CAN eliminate standing after learning the proper technique, and I can indeed teach you how.
Of course, I mainly reserve the standing whizz for times when I'm (a) drunk, or (b) confronted with an unfamiliar public restroom. I tell you, my bf was horrorstruck the first time I peed on a tree in the middle of a hike...not because I'm a woman, mind you, but because his parents had expressly condemned outdoor peeing as "common" and "vulgar."
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Right, how shall we say...your luck with this method may depend on your personal anatomy. That being said, this is supposed to work for the majority of women...
You want to practice in the tub first, but in the end you should be standing in front of a toilet, facing the toilet and sort of gripping the seat with your knees/calves if you like. Knees akimbo, hips tilted forwards. Basically you take two fingers (opposing hands is easier, same hands is possible) and spread the inner labia, right around where your urethra is (so, just below the clitoris.) You want to also pull -forward- slightly as you spread. It will take some time to learn the right position, don't worry. Another tip is to pee confidently and with some force; a little dribble is more likely to run down your leg than fly into the bowl.
Zwitter can hit a target up to three feet away (on a good day), but your mileage may vary significantly!
07/14/09
I also don't get the holes in the ground in France.
07/14/09
I was at the Tokyo airport, and there they had this button that played a toilet-flushing noise so you could cover up your own, more personal, noises. BRILLIANT.
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Best (read: so bad it was awesome) bathroom I've ever had the pleasure of using had saloon style doors on a stall so small that they had to cut KNEE HOLES in the bottom of the doors. Does it feel awkward to pee in a crowded bar bathroom with the doors in your lap and your legs hanging out in the room, all exposed and disembodied?
Yes. Yes, it does.
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2- Not disposing of sanitary materials properly (not closing the bin or leaving blood on the seat in the bowl). Gross and inconsiderate
3- Mulitaskers- yammering on the phone- just do your business, leave and can make your call outside. There are folks in line plus I’m sure there are folks that need to concentrate in order to do a number 2.
4- and what I hated most about sharing a bathroom in the college dorms- hair in the freaking shower drain. Great, now everyone gets the pleasure of showering in a puddle of water.
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So many public bathrooms have trash cans to accommodate this practice. And don't get me wrong, I understand.
But the smell and sight of feces makes me gag involuntarily and using those toilets is torture. I'm especially writing about the not frequently cleaned enough toilets at Cal Trans rest stops.
Many times I'd rather go in the woods.
07/14/09