Worst bathroom ever - Movie theater on 13th and Broadway in NYC. It was the day the prices all went above $11 and I lost my mind. I ran to the potty like a good girl before the movie and what I saw blew my mind. It was before 5PM and the toilet seat had been RIPPED off the toilet and strewn to the back of the stall, there was an empty bottle of some cheap ass vodka stuffed into the already filled sanitary napkin garbage and on top of that was a box containing a USED PREGNANCY TEST. And no, for the 1000th time, I didnt risk catching the cooties to see if she was preggers, but I can guess from the empty bottle of vodka she was. I will never forget that day.
When I was in my 20's I used to bartend at a Gentlemen's club. One evening the doorman came to the bar white as a sheet to ask me to watch the door for a moment, he had been in the mensroom and found a plunger handle up sticking out of a toilet. On said plunger was evidence of...well ...self violation.
We often wondered who would deface our plunger but we never found out who it was...
I have more of these stories, but I will wait till we have a Stripclub of Horrors thread.
@onestrawplz: Yeah the only thing we could do was laugh...we kept all other implements like brooms and such in a closet after that. Stripclub doorman is the worst job in the world.
I've been in restrooms where the toilets work too well. I'll flush and it will shoot water up all over the seat. I'm left in a conundrum - leave it and have the next woman think I'm "that jerk" who pees on seats or wipe it. And if I wipe it do I throw the paper away or flush it and start the process over again? I'm not saying it keeps me up at night but I have this internal conversation more often than one would think.
@angiek: My MO there is to wipe it (even if it's just water, it feels weird to sit in it) and throw the tissue in the trash bin (either in or outside the stall).
@angiek: Oh God, i hate those fucking ultrasensitive autoflushers that flush when you're still in the middle of your business so you have to get up to avoid being sprayed. And you usually get sprayed anyways, so annoying.
I would like to add premature door banging to the list. I was in a bathroom at a crowded bar and a drunk woman behind me in line started banging on the door about 10 seconds after I went in. I had barely pulled my skirt down and it gave me some major performance anxiety. So, you win drunky pants. Your prize is getting to wait twice as long while I try to do my business.
HOVERERS, I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! One day, you'll be in a ladies' room, hovering over the seat, splashing it delicately, and BAM! I'll be there, kicking down the door and telling you to put some paper on the seat and SIT THE FUCK DOWN. Germs are good for you.
@Ipomoea is a joyful girl: Actually, aren't bathrooms much cleaner than, say, doorknobs, due to our ultraneurotic fear of toilet-germs? So sit away, guys, they use crazy amounts of industrial cleansers on those anyway, and move your fears to more logical culprits (I'm looking at you, lightswitches!)
@Ipomoea is a joyful girl: Seriously. Women of the world: You are not going to "get anything" from sitting on the toilet seat. Unless you sit down after some hoverer, and then you get thigh wetness. Let's all do our part to stop thigh wetness, so I never have to say that again.
honestly, i use the mens room just as often as the womens room. one of my more embarrassing moments in life was when i was out at a bar, used the mens room, came out of the stall... and ran into my little brother who was at the urinal.
Who has snuck into the mens bathroom when the women's bathroom looks like a port-a-potty, or has a line that looks like you're in an amusement park waiting to ride?
I've done it and I've actually been shamed. Is it my fault women take 15 min to pee, wash hands their hands, and leave?! I was offended someone actually bothered to stop me from going in but whatever; when I have to pee I don't abide by folkways.
@EKane: Are you saying you were ashamed? Or are you saying someone shamed you? If the latter, perhaps they can go fry some ice. Would they have preferred ... well, never mind.
I have chivalrous friend-boys who will actually guard the door, in a real emergency. But then again, I know cool people.
@Rooo sez BISH PLZ: It was an attempted shaming to the tune of some dude yelling "HEY!!!!!!!!!! THE WOMENS BATHROOM IS OVER THERRRRRRRRRRRRE"
He made a slight fool out of himself because I just went in to wash my hands, but apparently he didn't want to share his precious man sinks and toilets with someone of the female persuasion.
I watched a woman walk out of a stall, and I walked in behind her. There was piss all over the seat. Being of staunch bladder, I decided that I could hold it and some public shaming was in order. By the time I found her, she was hanging off some guy in the bar. I asked him if she ever peed on the seats when she spent the night at his place.
I'm going to be perfectly upfront here. I work retail. Our bathroom is cleaned between 8:30am and 9:00am every morning. By 10am it's gross, and I can promise you it's not the employees doing things to the bathroom because for the most part we're working. Without fail by around noon every day at a suburban bookstore someone has smeared poop some place it does not belong (begs the question does smeared poop ever belong) and other customers don't take their toddler to the bathroom when the kid says "But I gotta go" so instead the kid pees on the carpet in front of the best seller table.
That said most customers are house trained, and kids seem to cause the problems in the store far less than the adults who just "miss the toilet".
@We Don't Live in the 60s: MY friend worked at a Starbucks in one of the wealthiest places in NY and her poop covered bathroom horror stories make me cringe. one time a lady came right up to her and said " I had an accident and you need to clean it". When my friend went in she said it looked like the ladies bowels had exploded everywhere. It was on the walls, toilet, floor, you name it.
Well, after having to use the squat pot at a busy Indian airport and, for the four following months that I stayed there, not using toilet paper because my host family is one of the (many, actually) families who don't do that, as they put it, I think I'm pretty okay with anything.
@karmasutra (can haz bigger star than youz?): Yip, thats how it works isn't it. Uncle came back from Borneo, saw us eating with both hands and goes 'I just can't watch that because left hand is for wiping your arse'. Ah if it works for you...
@karmasutra (can haz bigger star than youz?): Ok maybe you can explain it to me. I was in Thailand and had quite a few experiences where they only had a sprayer next to the toilet, like the sprayer you have next to your kitchen sink.
Theoretically, great idea however I was never able to understand how one would dry themself...
Do you just walk around with a wet crotch?
Same for the left hand, are you supposed to use it as if its the TP?
@veronykah: I ran into some IBS-related...roughness in a small travel agency in Thailand. They had a bucket (normally used to sluice the crap out of the toilet bowl) which was sadly dry, and no sprayer.
I have SUCH bad shit karma from that experience. Sorry, Koh Lanta.
@WantToTouchtheWahine: Oh, also gotta love the squat Thai toilets. Hovering is the only way to go. So nasty feet follow nasty feet follow nasty feet. Particularly fun on moving trains.
There was this one particular bathroom on my college campus, where ALL the toilets would just be covered in urine every day. I would head in to relieve myself and just wind up standing there going "That HAD to be deliberate." I'd picture the offending women just hovering in midair three inches over the bowl, describing circles with their asses so they could evenly soak the entire surface area of the seat.
Was not until many years later that I realized my method of standing before the toilet, dropping trou and just peeing straight into the bowl, is not possible for the majority of women. Um. Of course, if many women -were- so equipped as to make this feasible, there'd be a real call for women's urinals I imagine.
@Zwitter: Would that I had been there the day you figured this out-- was it in conversation? in the course of a group visit to a single bathroom at a scary house party(safety in numbers)?
@formergr: LOL :) Mainly it was through hearing other women complain about their inability to pee standing. (I'm fairly sure I read a couple books during childhood where it implied that certain girls COULD do this, too, though the passages were vague enough to be interpreted multiple ways.)
I've yet to have anyone accept the offer, but whenever I bring up my habits, I always mention what my lesbian aunts taught me -- nearly any woman CAN eliminate standing after learning the proper technique, and I can indeed teach you how.
Of course, I mainly reserve the standing whizz for times when I'm (a) drunk, or (b) confronted with an unfamiliar public restroom. I tell you, my bf was horrorstruck the first time I peed on a tree in the middle of a hike...not because I'm a woman, mind you, but because his parents had expressly condemned outdoor peeing as "common" and "vulgar."
Right, how shall we say...your luck with this method may depend on your personal anatomy. That being said, this is supposed to work for the majority of women...
You want to practice in the tub first, but in the end you should be standing in front of a toilet, facing the toilet and sort of gripping the seat with your knees/calves if you like. Knees akimbo, hips tilted forwards. Basically you take two fingers (opposing hands is easier, same hands is possible) and spread the inner labia, right around where your urethra is (so, just below the clitoris.) You want to also pull -forward- slightly as you spread. It will take some time to learn the right position, don't worry. Another tip is to pee confidently and with some force; a little dribble is more likely to run down your leg than fly into the bowl.
Zwitter can hit a target up to three feet away (on a good day), but your mileage may vary significantly!
Why are most bathroom stalls in the US so open? You can hear everyone's private business. I just don't get it, esp. for a nation where peope use eufemisms for the word toilet (bathroom? restroom? powderroom?)
I also don't get the holes in the ground in France.
I was at the Tokyo airport, and there they had this button that played a toilet-flushing noise so you could cover up your own, more personal, noises. BRILLIANT.
Best (read: so bad it was awesome) bathroom I've ever had the pleasure of using had saloon style doors on a stall so small that they had to cut KNEE HOLES in the bottom of the doors. Does it feel awkward to pee in a crowded bar bathroom with the doors in your lap and your legs hanging out in the room, all exposed and disembodied?
@karmasutra (can haz bigger star than youz?): I used to have some minor performance anxiety if I knew someone could hear me pee. My sister, after visiting Japan, told me I *had* to go, if only because I'd be able to pee securely!
1- Hoverpissers who don’t bother to clean up after spraying the seat. I mean damn if you can’t aim properly at least clean up after yourself
2- Not disposing of sanitary materials properly (not closing the bin or leaving blood on the seat in the bowl). Gross and inconsiderate
3- Mulitaskers- yammering on the phone- just do your business, leave and can make your call outside. There are folks in line plus I’m sure there are folks that need to concentrate in order to do a number 2.
4- and what I hated most about sharing a bathroom in the college dorms- hair in the freaking shower drain. Great, now everyone gets the pleasure of showering in a puddle of water.
@Eric Northman is mine: The people who talk on their cell phones in bathrooms give me shy bladder and then I can't go because thy are yammering on and on. I hate them, and I passive aggressively flush the toilet several times to try and make it hard to hear.
@We Don't Live in the 60s: i have the opposite urge. ladies talking on the phone in the bathroom always make me wish i could fart on command. sadly i am not blessed with such skills. :[
I have to add a particular difficulty perhaps more or less confined to the west coast. Most people in Mexico, especially rural Mexico have limited sewage capability and/or septic tanks. So toilet paper is never ever flushed in the toilet, but placed in a trash can inside the bathroom.
So many public bathrooms have trash cans to accommodate this practice. And don't get me wrong, I understand.
But the smell and sight of feces makes me gag involuntarily and using those toilets is torture. I'm especially writing about the not frequently cleaned enough toilets at Cal Trans rest stops.
07/15/09
07/14/09
When I was in my 20's I used to bartend at a Gentlemen's club. One evening the doorman came to the bar white as a sheet to ask me to watch the door for a moment, he had been in the mensroom and found a plunger handle up sticking out of a toilet. On said plunger was evidence of...well ...self violation.
We often wondered who would deface our plunger but we never found out who it was...
I have more of these stories, but I will wait till we have a Stripclub of Horrors thread.
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okay, i wasn't embarrassed, but he was.
07/14/09
I've done it and I've actually been shamed. Is it my fault women take 15 min to pee, wash hands their hands, and leave?! I was offended someone actually bothered to stop me from going in but whatever; when I have to pee I don't abide by folkways.
07/14/09
If the latter, perhaps they can go fry some ice. Would they have preferred ... well, never mind.
I have chivalrous friend-boys who will actually guard the door, in a real emergency. But then again, I know cool people.
07/14/09
07/14/09
He made a slight fool out of himself because I just went in to wash my hands, but apparently he didn't want to share his precious man sinks and toilets with someone of the female persuasion.
07/14/09
Ex: [disgusted face] This tastes like a urinal cake.
Me: They have cakes in urinals??
Ex: Not a cake you eat, a cake you pee on.
Me: Why would you do that to a cake?
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If you sprinkle
When you tinkle
Be a sweetie
Wipe the seatie.
I watched a woman walk out of a stall, and I walked in behind her. There was piss all over the seat. Being of staunch bladder, I decided that I could hold it and some public shaming was in order. By the time I found her, she was hanging off some guy in the bar. I asked him if she ever peed on the seats when she spent the night at his place.
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That said most customers are house trained, and kids seem to cause the problems in the store far less than the adults who just "miss the toilet".
07/15/09
07/14/09
Hint: Never eat with your left hand.
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07/14/09
Theoretically, great idea however I was never able to understand how one would dry themself...
Do you just walk around with a wet crotch?
Same for the left hand, are you supposed to use it as if its the TP?
How does that do an adequate job?
Call me perplexed.
07/14/09
I have SUCH bad shit karma from that experience. Sorry, Koh Lanta.
07/14/09
07/15/09
I actually liked the squat toilet idea, way better than the hover you have to do here. They should regress back to those in NYC.
07/14/09
Was not until many years later that I realized my method of standing before the toilet, dropping trou and just peeing straight into the bowl, is not possible for the majority of women. Um. Of course, if many women -were- so equipped as to make this feasible, there'd be a real call for women's urinals I imagine.
07/14/09
07/14/09
I've yet to have anyone accept the offer, but whenever I bring up my habits, I always mention what my lesbian aunts taught me -- nearly any woman CAN eliminate standing after learning the proper technique, and I can indeed teach you how.
Of course, I mainly reserve the standing whizz for times when I'm (a) drunk, or (b) confronted with an unfamiliar public restroom. I tell you, my bf was horrorstruck the first time I peed on a tree in the middle of a hike...not because I'm a woman, mind you, but because his parents had expressly condemned outdoor peeing as "common" and "vulgar."
07/14/09
07/14/09
Right, how shall we say...your luck with this method may depend on your personal anatomy. That being said, this is supposed to work for the majority of women...
You want to practice in the tub first, but in the end you should be standing in front of a toilet, facing the toilet and sort of gripping the seat with your knees/calves if you like. Knees akimbo, hips tilted forwards. Basically you take two fingers (opposing hands is easier, same hands is possible) and spread the inner labia, right around where your urethra is (so, just below the clitoris.) You want to also pull -forward- slightly as you spread. It will take some time to learn the right position, don't worry. Another tip is to pee confidently and with some force; a little dribble is more likely to run down your leg than fly into the bowl.
Zwitter can hit a target up to three feet away (on a good day), but your mileage may vary significantly!
07/14/09
I also don't get the holes in the ground in France.
07/14/09
I was at the Tokyo airport, and there they had this button that played a toilet-flushing noise so you could cover up your own, more personal, noises. BRILLIANT.
07/14/09
Best (read: so bad it was awesome) bathroom I've ever had the pleasure of using had saloon style doors on a stall so small that they had to cut KNEE HOLES in the bottom of the doors. Does it feel awkward to pee in a crowded bar bathroom with the doors in your lap and your legs hanging out in the room, all exposed and disembodied?
Yes. Yes, it does.
07/14/09
07/14/09
2- Not disposing of sanitary materials properly (not closing the bin or leaving blood on the seat in the bowl). Gross and inconsiderate
3- Mulitaskers- yammering on the phone- just do your business, leave and can make your call outside. There are folks in line plus I’m sure there are folks that need to concentrate in order to do a number 2.
4- and what I hated most about sharing a bathroom in the college dorms- hair in the freaking shower drain. Great, now everyone gets the pleasure of showering in a puddle of water.
07/14/09
07/14/09
07/14/09
So many public bathrooms have trash cans to accommodate this practice. And don't get me wrong, I understand.
But the smell and sight of feces makes me gag involuntarily and using those toilets is torture. I'm especially writing about the not frequently cleaned enough toilets at Cal Trans rest stops.
Many times I'd rather go in the woods.
07/14/09