gross things that happen to your body

Ten Days In The Life Of A Tampon

WARNING: The following is a really, really gross story. It may even qualify as "beyond gross." It also: signifies nothing, gives you wayyyy too much information, and is told by a total idiot. Its sole redeeming trait is that it involves a scenario we've all feared before — the one where you get a tampon stuck up inside you for a treacherously, perilously long period of time — and it has a (marginally) happy ending. Read at your own risk, folks. I'll tell you if I get Toxic Shock Syndrome!

WHY I DO NOT TRUST BEAUTY:

It was a beautiful week and a beautiful weekend. It was verdant, sun-dappled, horticulture-redolent, exfoliated, affluent, groomed, merry, relaxed, pressed, aspirational, and at its beginning, even fragrant. (That would change.) It was all so dizzyingly gorgeous I could feel a low-grade panic trickle through my chest. But it was all good.

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the price of beauty

Perfect Skin In 365 Grueling Days: The Wonders Of 'Retin-A Micro'

Is it just us or is sweaty, muggy summer the worst season for skin? Until, you know, autumn comes along, and then that's like the worst season for skin? Until suddenly-allergic-to-salycilic-acid winter comes and then you're like hold the fuck on, every single season my skin just gets worse and worse? Oh yes: aging! We were grousing about this with our friend Loren one day when we realized her skin was, um, not in the mood to relate to us. In fact, Loren's skin was so good we hadn't seen skin like it on an adult with the exception of our own Jezebel Jennie [Uh, isn't it 'Jenny'? Ugh. -Ed.] whose vegan, mostly teetotaling, acupunctured lifestyle would put most monks to shame. Loren, on the other hand, smokes in her house. And drinks — well, like the rest of us do! Who is she sleeping with, we wondered. Sheepishly, she gave it up: A nasty fucker known as Retin-A Micro. And boy has the first year with him been abusive! After the jump, Loren's long, strange trip. More »

gross things that happen to your body

The Second Period No One Tells You About

This is a post about hemorrhoids. Does that gross you out? Because guess what, someday you might have a human being burst through your pussy and you will probably crap all over it in the process, so grow up. Our bodies are gross. This column is about that. But it is also a touching tale of a doctor named Wang, and how he liberated the bowels of the woman he loves. And no it was not written by me, it was written by someone we'll call Poshterior Spice, and you can thank Intern Cheryl for the high art.

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