greatexpectations

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Joyce Maynard Looks Back On Life?
Cutting The Cake
Is Your Confidence Determined By Your Mother?
I Am Fucking Sick & Tired Of Baby Bumps
Some Women Make Choices Their Peers (And Parents) Just Don't Understand

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Pizza!Pizza!Pizza!
07/27/09

In reply to Joyce Maynard Looks Back On Life?
Reading about her affair reinforced the old adage 'Never meet your heroes.' I think this goes double if you are a young woman and look up to an older, straight male. Nothing quite as disappointing as finding out they were only trying to mentor you 'til your clothes came off.
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girlhowdy
07/27/09

In reply to Joyce Maynard Looks Back On Life?
I'm not a fan of her personal essays, but her first novel, Baby Love, is wonderful. Parts of it are autobiographical, though I didn't know that when I first read it 20-some years ago, and knowing it now doesn't matter either. Despite the wonky ending, I highly recommend it. [end of unrequested review]
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maybeimamazed02
07/27/09

@girlhowdy: Try The Usual Rules, one of the first fiction books I read that dealt with 9/11. It's wonderful and what got me into her writing.
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cheshirecounty
07/27/09

In reply to Joyce Maynard Looks Back On Life?
Joyce Maynard was from my home town-you cannot believe how To Die For and the JD Salinger stuff went over there. It was second only the yard sale she had when she left to move to California!
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Hell on Heels
07/27/09

@cheshirecounty: Cheshire County represent!

This is really neither here nor there but I was in a community theater production of Oliver! with her older son and I think that he singlehandedly cause the sexual awakenings of every prepubescent girl in the cast. He was like, Disney Channel hot.
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maybeimamazed02
07/27/09

@Hell on Heels: I think her youngest son is a model/actor now. Also very cute.
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Edited by maybeimamazed02 at 07/27/09 3:10 PM maybeimamazed02 was starred maybeimamazed02 was unstarred

cheshirecounty
07/27/09

@Hell on Heels: Um, shut up, because I was too. Were you a workhouse child?
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lms11
07/27/09

In reply to Joyce Maynard Looks Back On Life?
I really want to read this article in Vanity Fair that she wrote about her time with Salinger. Any links?
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maybeimamazed02
07/27/09

@lms11: I don't have the link, but you might like her autobiography, At Home in the World. She goes into her year with him, as well as her career and very interesting family. It's a great book.
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cupscake
07/27/09

In reply to Joyce Maynard Looks Back On Life?
I read this article and I got extremely sad because I'm dreading the day where I let my little girl leave the house for the first time whether it be leaving for college or her first sleepover. I know this is going to be a difficult period in my life. I have a younger sister that's 9yrs younger than me and sometimes I make her text me when she gets home late at night so I know she's okay...

btw...despite Salinger's creepiness I still love reading "The Catcher in the Rye"
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bohogurl
07/27/09

In reply to Joyce Maynard Looks Back On Life?
I think it is Joyce's story to tell. This is not a story about a woman whose lover has AIDS. It's a story about a mother learning to let go of her grown daughter and allowing her to figure out her own problems. And I think it's beautifully done.
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dreamweave
07/27/09

@bohogurl: This was my take as well. I think it was important that she got her daughter's permission to tell the details, but it was about Maynard's experience as a mother and the joys and pains it brings. And oooooh I could relate.
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nora charles
07/27/09

In reply to Joyce Maynard Looks Back On Life?
I always assume that people who are smarter than me will also be wiser than me, and am constantly surprised by admissions from smart people like this that show that they suffer from the same neuroses and make the same stupid decisions as everybody else.

This story reminded me a lot of my relationship with my mother. She had a hard time separating herself from me when I went from just being "her kid" to being my own person. She read my diary, monitored everything I did on the internet, searched through my room. Eventually she realized that she was out of control, got help for it, and our relationship improved a lot. If she hadn't, I don't think we would still be in touch today. But even though she's changed, my relationship with her is way, way different than the one she has with my sister. The two of them talk on the phone daily, and my sister tells her about almost all of her problems. I'm not sure if that's just because I'm a different person (my sister is way chattier and less self-conscious than I am), or because of my history with my mom, but I prefer to deal with things on my own or with my friends. I don't trust my mother to deal with my problems without judgment.
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PaintedTrollop
07/27/09

In reply to Joyce Maynard Looks Back On Life?
One of the hardest things to do as a parent is to let our adult children actually be adults - free to make their own mistakes, and live their own lives. It's very difficult to let go of the parent of a child role - and be the parent of an adult.

It's dangerous, being a writer and writing about one's children. I'm only famous locally - but I learned early on not to write about my daughter. There's too much damage that can be done, especially if there is any fragility in the relationship.
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funnyface
07/27/09

In reply to Joyce Maynard Looks Back On Life?
Can't blame the kids from holding mom at arm's length when mom is famous for spilling everything in print. I'm probably the only 24 year old in the world who wishes her parents would call/email more. My dad and stepmom adopted a third child after I was out of the house and married, and they're often so busy with her that they barely remember to call. And my mother is just an anti-technology hermit.
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foodandshoes
07/27/09

@funnyface: My family gets on me for not calling/writing, but I often wonder if they have phones that don't dial out or broken fingers or all their pens are out of ink.

Hmmm.
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funnyface
07/27/09

@foodandshoes: Funny, it's almost like communication is a two way street!
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AboutToLaugh is longwinded
07/27/09

@foodandshoes @funnyface: I thought my mom was the only one who did this. I never hear from my mom unless I dial the phone. Once, I waited 3 weeks to see if she would try to dial me. Nope. Although I did get an earful about how she was worried about me all that time...
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KentuckyBabe
10/27/09

@funnyface: I can sympathize. I've lived in NYC for 11 years and my father has never once called me. (i will call him like every 6 months or so) My mother called me recently to ask what my sisters address was. But at least I see her on a regular basis. talking? not something we're good at. It's weird and I don't like it but it's what Im used to now. #joycemaynard
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hollygirl
07/27/09

In reply to Joyce Maynard Looks Back On Life?
Yes, she is an avowed "oversharer", and I would not want to be her daughter. That said, I got so irritated with Salinger worshippers who wanted to burn her at the stake for having the nerve to expose their idol for the quasi-pedophilic, eating disordered nutjob that he seems to be. His books are cool, but knowing how she was treated by him did change my opinion of his creations. Kinda like the Woody Allen thing.....
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Sadie
07/27/09

@hollygirl: I guess I wasn't bothered as much because I'd assumed he was very disturbed (the only way to write it so accurately!) - albeit not, you know, a bulimic borderline pedophile :(
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lilbobbytables
07/27/09

@hollygirl: I am not often affected by the author's misdeeds when reading books. That is, I can still enjoy books while disapproving or disliking the author based on his or her personal life. That said, I cannot fault her children for being wary of sharing with her. I think that is the backlash of being a confessional writer.
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squeakel
07/27/09

@hollygirl:

Including Winona Ryder. I believe she referred to Joyce Maynard in an article as "that bitch".
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margareita metermaid
07/27/09

@hollygirl: Ugh, agreed wholeheartedly. her book about salinger really hit close to home because i was in a situation quite similar to hers in my late teens with an older respected man who ditched me in a way not unlike salinger did to her. it's not his weird habits and penchant for young girls or anything else that made my dislike for him so intense, but the way he took advantage of maynard and hung her out to dry. it was pathetic and horribly depressing to read...and i was never a fan of his writing in the first place. but that sealed it. i also was so disturbed by the wrath she faced from him and all his rabid fans that was cliche sexism at it's worst-- her being taken advantage of and told a bunch of lies by salinger, and then incurring a pariah status by regaining her control of the situation makes me fucking livid. if he didn't want his privacy being aired to the public, he shouldn't have contacted an 18 yr old girl and asked her to live with him and be his girlfriend. his transgressions trump anything she did by tenfold. that motherfucker. (sorry, still obviously personally invested in this story, ha)
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hollygirl
07/27/09

@lilbobbytables is a la-di-da feminist: I may not have been clear- i still deeply admire his writing, and recognize him as a great talent...its just the way he seemed almost to worship the innocence of his own creations, and kind of seemed not to be able to deal with an actual real-life human being once he got her into his life- he wanted her to be franny glass and when she was not ( no one could be, his characters are not really human) he was cruel- that turned me off. its the very close correlation between what happened with JM and what he wrote about it colored my reading of him.
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maybeimamazed02
07/27/09

@margareita metermaid: After reading At Home in the World (her autobiography), I pretty much felt the same way about Salinger. I was never a big fan of Catcher in the Rye (though I did like Franny and Zooey), but...ugh, his behavior toward her just turned my stomach.

Incidentally, I emailed her once and she sent me a really kind note.
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hollygirl
07/27/09

@margareita metermaid: I could not agree more on your point about not inviting an 18 year old to live with you if you're not ready for some public disapproval! And yes, sexism was a huge part of it- won't we women just learn to shut up and take it?? Great men don;t have to live according to ethical or moral standards!
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hollygirl
07/27/09

@squeakel: I vaguely remember that- strange attitude to take...
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squeakel
07/27/09

@hollygirl:

Maybe not so strange if you consider that he had a habit of contacting up-and-coming youg women. It wouldn't surprise me at all if they were friends.
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PreposterousHypothesis
04/17/09

In reply to Cutting The Cake
For reference:
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PreposterousHypothesis
04/17/09

In reply to Cutting The Cake
I've seen some of these cakes before. Why are they all so violent? It's always some form of maiming the groom. Maybe I'm particularly sensitive, seeing as how I'm marrying someone who has been previously married, but I think you can celebrate being divorced without being so murdery. When I saw Shanna Moakler's "divorce" cake, my thought was...what will her children think?

Yes, I take these things too seriously.
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LaComtesse
04/17/09

@PreposterousHypothesis: No I was definitely thinking "If you have one of these cakes in view of your children you should have your parenting license revoked." Unacceptable: it's bad enough when parents talk shit about one another within earshot of a child.

I actually knew a man who celebrated his divorce by having a "funeral" for his wife. This is the asshole who smacked her around for 20 years, btw.
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LaComtesse
04/17/09

In reply to Cutting The Cake
It seems that this cake celebrates two divorces: the divorce from your spouse and the divorce from your last shred of dignity.
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greengrey
04/17/09

@LaComtesse: WIN! I wonder if we'll start seeing "single again" parties a la "bachelorette parties"?
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LaComtesse
04/17/09

@greengrey: If Hallmark can feasibly sell a card for it, you will see it happen.
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Newsgirl
04/17/09

In reply to Cutting The Cake
When one of my family members got divorced, he strapped crepe paper, ribbons, toilet paper and aluminum cans to his car, wrote "Just Divorced!" on the back and drove all over town. It was pretty funny!
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NowhereGirl
04/17/09

In reply to Cutting The Cake
I got my friend a giant cookie that said Congratulations On Your Divorce on it, and a "six pack" of wine on the day her divorce was finalized. I think it was great. We totally celebrated her independence, and took her mind off of any sad thoughts she might otherwise have had. I think this is a great idea.
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Sanfo
04/17/09

@NowhereGirl: A six-pack of wine sounds like the Saturday night open thread. Oh man.
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jigglyball
04/17/09

@NowhereGirl: My mom and I celebrated her divorce with champagne and dinner at a favorite restaurant. We should have had some freedom fried.
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