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No Cereal For Young Men
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Jack_Burton
06/01/09

In reply to No Cereal For Young Men
I like generic G'nuts... They're cheaper.

Hot or cold, w/ a little (2tsp) honey, maple syrup, or choc syrup.

For a very hearty, but speedy breakfast: eat a couple of spoonfuls of nonfat, fruit yogurt, pour some G'nuts in the cup, mix, bail.
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stoprobbers
06/01/09

In reply to No Cereal For Young Men
Now that I've read this, all I want is a giant bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
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Remedios Varo can't see no huevos.
06/01/09

In reply to No Cereal For Young Men
Also, are Grape Nuts the Activia for men?
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Remedios Varo can't see no huevos.
06/01/09

In reply to No Cereal For Young Men
How timely. Just yesterday an older gentleman buying Grape Nuts came through my line at the grocery store. I remember eyeing the box and thinking A. about how the cereal is neither grape nor nutty and B. why anyone would eat it.
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SomeAuthorGirl
06/01/09

In reply to No Cereal For Young Men
The article does point out the long-known problem with Grape Nuts, being that it contains neither grapes nor nuts. I guess there's nothing like a little shame in the morning, when your stern father-figure cereal peers insultingly over the rim of the bowl and instructs you not to question it.
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Trulymadlyme
06/01/09

In reply to No Cereal For Young Men
I guess pooping is manly.
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tscheese
06/01/09

@Trulymadlyme: In that case, I should probably turn in my XX chromosomes and start growing facial hair. ME MANLY MAN MAN! ME POOP BUNCHES! OF OATS!
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tscheese
06/01/09

In reply to No Cereal For Young Men
Also, eating regular Grape-Nuts feels like breaking every single filling in one's sorry maw, so like, no. I don't want father-figure cereals to break one's maw.
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andBegorrah
06/01/09

In reply to No Cereal For Young Men
Retarded, big mouth, know-it-all, asshole, complex carbohydrates.

You forgot ugly, lazy and low in bran.

Shut up, corn flake. Go fix me a bowl of milk.

No dad, what about you?

Fuck you.

No dad, what about you?

Fuck you.

Dad, what about you?

Fuck you.
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rocknrollunicorn
06/01/09

@andBegorrah: I adore this.
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whoneedslight
06/01/09

In reply to No Cereal For Young Men
I've always hated soggy cereal, which is probably why I love Grape Nuts. A little secret: They are fantastic with half and half.
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Princess Leela
06/01/09

@whoneedslight: YES. Half and half and a heaping spoonful or two of sugar. All this of course totally negates the health-food properties of the 'Nuts, but hey, gotta do what you gotta do.
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hfree
06/01/09

In reply to No Cereal For Young Men
The cafeteria at my work is currently offering grape nuts ice cream. It scares me a little, and annoys me since they don't change the ice cream until the previous container is empty.
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HarpMadness
06/01/09

@hfree: That's like blackmail! Ice cream blackmail!
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jigglyball
06/01/09

@hfree: Don't be afraid! It gives the ice cream a little substance, the flavor has a little heft.

However, I WOULD be wary of unchanged ice cream containers. I once got food poisoning from a Cold Stone, true story. So on second thought, do be afraid of the ice cream.
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jigglyball
06/01/09

In reply to No Cereal For Young Men
My dad LOVES Grape Nuts. RAVES about Grape Nuts. Perhaps he enjoys the challenge defeating unyielding rocks of fiber so early in the morning. Puts a mark in the "W" column before he ever gets to work...

I'll stick with eggs.
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jigglyball
06/01/09

@jigglyball: Editing fail- challenge OF defeating, which is still piss poor sentence structure.

On another note, I'd like to be an Insights Director. Seriously, I could rock that shit. To wit:

"Dear Boss, our department doesn't hate you because we have a knee-jerk reaction against authority. We hate you because you're a nasty jerk. However, we tolerate you because you frequently mispronounce common words while waxing nostalgic about your old days in journalism, and the irony, it is funny."

Look, life-changing insights! I am job!
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PreposterousHypothesis
06/01/09

In reply to No Cereal For Young Men
I'd like the men in my life to aspire to something more than a cereal product. Like granola. It's rough, it's brawny and earthy and shit. Us ladyfolk, however, must stick to yogurt, as has been determined by the food overlords.
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hortense
06/01/09

In reply to No Cereal For Young Men
Corn Pops was the father figure of cereals, but then he neglected to pay child support to his ex, Yummy Mummy, and so the title was stripped.
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stoprobbers
06/01/09

@hortense: OH MY GOD CORN POPS.

"Gotta have my Pops"!!

(Seriously, though, I used to get into vicious screaming matches with my little sister over who got the last bowl of Corn Pops. Anyone who got in the way usually ended up injured...)
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Jack_Burton
06/01/09

@hortense: King Vitamin was the Patriarch of cereals... But he was dethroned by Cap'n Crunch in a bloody, milky coup.
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rocknrollunicorn
06/01/09

In reply to No Cereal For Young Men
Um, that quote is hilarious. What do women aspire to? Waffles? Eggs? Personally I aspire to bacon. Kind of fatty, but delicious.
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MilointheMeadow
06/01/09

In reply to No Cereal For Young Men
I appreciate that they acknowledge how men need father figures too. Grape-Nuts: for the man with daddy issues? So, if I eat Grape Nuts, will that make me feel better about my dad being absent in my childhood?

But seriously, I hear they're good in muffins. Grape Nuts. Not Father Figures.
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