• Jessica Simpson's swimwear line is here! Simpson says it's inspired by the jet-setting getaways she dreams about. [Stylelist]
• Since snow ruined the last shopping weekend before Christmas for the Northeast, expect stores to offer extended hours and other enticements. [WWD]

• In September, a hacker allegedly accessed Condé Nast's server and downloaded 1,100 files. Two months later, the blog Fashionzag posted some of the stolen content: five alternate covers of the December issue of GQ, and pages from Vogue, Teen Vogue, and Lucky. The company is suing to determine the identity of the blogger behind Fashionzag, and for unspecified damages. [WWD]
• Rodarte's line for Target is still available at many stores in a full range of sizes, but many pieces are sold out online, leading to the inevitable eBay price-gouging. [Racked]
• UK Elle is reporting a rumor that Taylor Momsen, of Gossip Girl fame, might be the new face of the fast fashion chain New Look. [UK Elle]
• Meanwhile, the show's costume designer, Eric Daman, says "statement bracelets" and painterly prints are going to be big trends next year. You know he can make it happen. [NYPost]
• Karl Lagerfeld made a kind of cute little film where Lara Stone and Baptiste Giabiconi are two well-dressed shoplifters who make off with all the goods they want from Paris area Chanel boutiques. If it only included getaway shots — the couple jumps on a Chanel motorbike, natch — it would be adorable, but Lagerfeld just can't resist moving the camera inside for some lingering dressing-room inaction, which, combined with the man's execrable sense of pacing, bogs the whole thing down. [SB]
• Why, oh why, must a fabulous-sounding photography book called Backstage Dior by the legendary backstage photographer Roxanne Lowit cost $125? Sigh. [NYTimes]
• Vivienne Westwood is launching a denim line! Unfortunately, it will cost at least as much as that book. [WWD]
• Tag Heuer will not run any ads featuring Tiger Woods in the U.S. market for the near future. [CBS]
• However, Woods will remain a face of the brand, the company stresses. [WWD]
• Oscar de la Renta won back the rights to his own fragrance license from L'Oréal, after an 18-month legal battle. [WWD]
• Did Claudia Schiffer receive special treatment on the stricken Eurostar whose engine failed just after the train emerging on the English side of the Channel tunnel? Other passengers are reporting that they saw a car drive right up to the train and collect the model, who frequently travels first-class on Eurostar between London and Paris on business. [Telegraph]
• Balenciaga is suing Steve Madden for allegedly copying its 2007 "Sportiletto" shoe. [Cityfile]
• Loïc Prigent, one of our favorite fashion documentarians, made a six-episode series, Habillees, about the search for new French design talent. And he captured Anna Wintour disparaging France's support for the next generation of designers: "I think it's totally important for all of us in the American fashion industry to support the young designers, and I think that's why New York's become such a vibrant fashion center, because people go there not only to see the Donna Karans of the world but a whole new generation. I'm just so sorry that there isn't something like that in Paris that's similar. I think that they should look for the younger generation here [in Paris] as well. Not only New York but London really supports their young talent; Franca Sozzani at Italian Vogue supports the young Italian designers, and I think when France is so known for its fashion industry — for them not to be reaching out to help younger people today is really a shame." Although New York and London each have cash awards and mentorships available to some of their young designers, to say that Franca Sozzani single-handedly puts emerging Italian designers on the map is rather a stretch. Which gives the impression this was a meandering way to get in a dig at Carine Roitfeld. [Fashionologie]
• It's the American way to turn nurturing emerging talent into mass entertainment. Robin Givhan dedicates her weekly column to Christian Siriano, who is now three collections out from winning Project Runway. [WaPo]
• Australians are apparently surprised that Louis Vuitton has found a way to sell a plain old polyamide/elastane bikini — and not even a cute one — for over a thousand dollars. [News.com.au]
• Meanwhile, we have to contend with $2,995 custom-made Proenza Schouler surfboards. And it's not even summer up here. [NYTimes]

15. Russian Glamour, June 2009
Beyoncé's skin looked digitally darkened on the cover of Russian Glamour — and the editors had a guide! A magazine called Joy used the same shot in December 2007. Was something lost in translation? Save your "black Russian" jokes until the end.

14. L'Oreal, August 2008
Beyoncé's skin seemed very light in ads for Feria haircolor. One theory: she was washed out by the strong lighting usually used in shooting hair.

13. Vogue, November 2009
The cast of Nine is chock-full of gorgeous women, but this shot is a mindscramble of random rays of sunlight in hair and dresses with edges so sharp they look like they're for paper dolls. As I wrote in October: "I'm guessing [Annie] Leibovitz shot them each separately and then did a composite, but when you have a person who doesn't cast a shadow on the lady next to her, then that person is a vampire." Poor Kate Hudson looks like she was slapped on as an afterthought.

12. Complex, April/May 2009
Kim Kardashian's waist was cinched, her thighs were slimmed, her skin skin smoothed out and her hairline was cleaned up. Plus, her head appears to be a different shape in the "after" image. Who would have thought a skull could be made "sexier"?

11. Self, September 2009
Kelly Clarkson's "Total Body Confidence" came from digitally slimming her waist and behind. Two Self editors explained that the cover: "is not, as in a news photograph, journalism. It is, however, meant to inspire women to want to be their best."

10. King Arthur poster, 2004
Movie marketers felt they must, they must, they must increase the bust. Ironically, Keira Knightley told the Guardian that she lost her chest, doing archery and preparing for the role:

To fight, convincingly, shoulder to shoulder, she had to do that thing that is so de rigueur, which is totally to change your body shape. "I was about three times the size I am now. It worried me, but it was cool, it was a body that was doing what it should do. I haven't got a clue because I don't weigh myself, but it was all muscle and I was big. My neck disappeared. My chest flattened even more. It wasn't the most feminine thing in the world, but it worked for the part, because there was strength there, and it was needed."

Of course, Hollywood can't imagine a world in which people would see a movie starring an athletic, flat-chested woman. So a digital boob job followed.

9. Redbook, July 2007
The crazy thing about the Faith Hill Redbook cover is not that it was Photoshopped — it's that this is the standard amount of digital altering that goes into a cover. Unlike some true Photoshop disasters, there are no alarming mistakes here to tip you off. That makes it easy to accept the retouched image without even blinking. Faith Hill is a beautiful woman. But she needed 11 different kinds of alterations before she could be on the cover of Redbook. What a world.

8. Campari calendar, 2008
Jessica Alba: Just another woman whose real body wasn't good enough. In this case, her waist needed to be nipped in so she could shill liquor.

7. Vogue, May 2008
RoboGwyneth looks like a robot, or an alien, depending on whom you ask. One thing is for sure: Her head and neck are not in the same space-time continuum.

6. Redbook, June 2003
Jennifer Aniston's head was placed on to Jennifer Aniston's body — from another photo shoot. At the time, her publicist, Steven Huvane, said: "It's a combination of three pictures. If you're going to do it, then at least match her head up to her body, and make the neck look like it belongs to her. I still can't figure out which exact picture the face came from." A Redbook spokeswoman downplayed the changes: "The only things that were altered in the cover photo were the color of her shirt and the length of her hair, very slightly, in order to reflect her current length."

The neck does look alarmingly unreal, and her head and waist are out of sync somehow. Angelina is surely to blame.

5.Redbook, July 2003
The month after the Aniston debacle, Redbook was at it again: According to USA Today, "[Julia's] head comes from a paparazzi shot taken at the 2002 People's Choice awards. Her body, meanwhile, is from the Notting Hill movie premiere [in 1999]." Julia's publicist, Marcy Engelman, said, at the time: "It's a shame they didn't use the body that went with the head, because it was a great Giorgio Armani pantsuit (that she wore to the People's Choice awards)."

4. Newsweek, March 2005
The editors used Martha's head and a model's body, because Ms. Stewart was still in jail when the issue was being put together. It wasn't supposed to be a photograph, anyway, it was art: "The piece that we commissioned was intended to show Martha as she would be, not necessarily as she is,'' Lynn Staley, assistant managing editor at Newsweek, told The New York Times. Staley acknowledged that the cover carried a disclaimer: ''In this case, we identified this piece as a photo illustration." As Martha would say, it's a "good thing" you did.

3. Seventeen, May 2003
Think about all the Buffy plots which could have been orchestrated around Sarah Michelle Gellar's weird wrist appendage over there on the left, if her arm actually looked like that.

2. GQ, February 2003.
Some people saw Titanic over and over again — but they never saw those legs, on the left. Kate Winslet was pissed about being trimmed down on this cover, saying:

"The retouching is excessive. I do not look like that and more importantly I don't desire to look like that. I actually have a Polaroid that the photographer gave me on the day of the shoot… I can tell you they've reduced the size of my legs by about a third. For my money it looks pretty good the way it was taken."

1. Ralph Lauren Blue Label ad, October 2009
In which model Filippa Hamilton was turned into a string of spaghetti.

But, man, can January Jones work a red carpet. Love the hit of 60s polish with totally modern styling.


Jennifer Carpenter. Strapless. What more is there to say?


Jamie-Lynn Sigler. Strapless. But this time we can say, "booties."


And when it comes to Shenae Grimes? "Necklace."
Maggie Grace's dainty little retro number has a decided "Anthropologie" vibe. Not that there's anything wrong with that.


When I did a scroll-up of Amanda Seyfried my thoughts went something like, "cute, shorts! Stevie Nicks' Belladonna! Pumpkin muffin!" (That just happened to be in my head though.)


Gabrielle Union is basically saying, no, this is how you do LBD!


Someone had to fill the disco-ball-mini quota, and Danielle Panabaker took one for the team.


Can't take my eyes off the arrows on Zoe Saldana's frock. "Spleen here!"


Olivia Wilde often fails the beatific palette. Digging with the sharp futuristic-trophy-wife angles!


All I can say is, having attempted to drape a toga, Emma Stone's isn't too bad! It's hard!


Rose McGowan: sweet, simple and pretty.


See, this front-gather trend is one that will never make it to reality - at least that portion of it with breasts. But what say you about Jamie King's red carpet iteration?


Like Alice Eve, I enjoy convent-ready eveningwear.


Jessica Stroup refuses to choose between statement pieces: she shall have the gold short-shorts and the mesh booties!


Trench dresses always scream "flasher." But as Marley Shelton shows, cute flasher!


AnnaLynne McCord's skirt is almost invisible to the naked eye.


It's always fun when Kim Kardashian just does classic bombshell. Yes, "fun."


And...the man of the hour. Some stylist obviously crammed this saffron square into his pocket, and this stylist is obviously a Palin supporter.

[Images via Getty]

• Here's the first picture of Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick with their new twins, Marion and Tabitha Broderick. Big brother James, are you ready for double trouble? [TMZ]

• Britney Spears has dark hair and something that looks like an engagement ring. What does it mean??? [NY Daily News]
• Uh-oh: Us Weekly dropped $120,000 for exclusive rights to Kendra Wilkinson's wedding, but the death of Michael Jackson will push her bridal bliss off the cover. [Page Six]
• Will Michael Jackson's body be put on display in a coffin of glass, like Eva Peron? [The Sun]
• Michael Jackson's mother has been granted temporary guardianship of his three kids. [LA Times]
• According to a source, Michael Jackson almost died once before — in 2004 — he was unconscious and had to be revived. [Fox News]
• Michael Jackson's doctor didn't call 911 for a half hour after finding MJ unconscious. [TMZ]
• The LAPD is trying to identify and interview "multiple doctors" who treated or prescribed medicine to Michael Jackson. [LA Times]
• Michael Jackson's mother Katherine is worried about people stealing from MJ's estate. [TMZ]
• Debbie Rowe has been reaching out to the Jackson family, but has been unsuccessful. [People]
• A will drafted by Michael Jackson in 2002 may be released this week. [WSJ]
• "Michael Jackson's Last Art Purchase." A wicked witch painting. [TMZ]
• "Michael Jackson was spending £30,000 a month on prescription drugs," says this paper, which lied to us yesterday. [The Sun]
• "Michael Jackson's Death: Sorting Fact From Fiction." A run down of all the claims and contradictions. [NY Daily News]
• Two weeks before he died, Michael Jackson completed a video project; his last. [AP]
• Expect some "instant" Michael Jackson books — some due by the end of the week, one coming in July. [AP]
• Michael Jackson's "This Is It" tour is being transformed into a tribute concert in September, and Madonna may take part. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Here is Lindsay Lohan posing like Michael Jackson. [NY Daily News]
• Ladies and gentlemen, a statement from Jon and Kate Gosselin: "During this very difficult time we will be working to focus solely on the needs of our family. This includes no longer commenting publicly or reacting to media stories and speculation. Our goal is to do the very best for our children and that will be done as privately as possible. We appreciate the understanding, support and well wishes from so many. Thank you." [TLC]
• Chris Brown was not at the BET Awards because Al Sharpton and Jay-Z were "very vocal" with producers about not letting him appear. [Gatecrasher]
• A source says: "Jay-Z wasn't having it. He threatened to pull out of the show if Chris was involved, so BET dropped Chris." [Page Six]
• Chris Brown's friend Teairra Mari says: "He's sorry. That's my friend, and I love Chris. He's a good kid-he just made a mistake. He knows that and feels terrible about it." [E!]
• Justin Timberlake went out boozing with Guy Ritchie, and guess which one went home at 2:30am and which one stayed in the pub? Guy was in it til the bitter end. [The Sun]
• How is the filming of The Runaways going? Well, Joan Jett made Kristen Stewart cry. So. [Gatecrasher]
• Some GQ Brüno pictures in which the character is posing with a high school football team have infuriated a school official in L.A., who says: "We've allowed our students to be used, and not in the most glamorous circumstances either." [UPI]
• Susan Boyle on Ugly Betty? Why, yes. [Telegraph]
• Amy Winehouse has been banned from taking in any more stray dogs after resort management had to fumigate her house in St. Lucia. [The Sun]
• George Clooney is not dead. Why are there so many death pranks? That shit is not funny. [TMZ]
• Kate Moss's boyfriend Jamie Hince is getting tired of Kate's lengthy karaoke sessions and is limiting her to half an hour a day. [The Sun]
• Lady GaGa visited an HIV Support Centre in Manchester, UK yesterday, and said: "I've been doing volunteer work since I was two." She also said: "I want to make it fashionable to have safe sex. You must be safe. You can have sex with hundreds of people with a condom on and get nothing. If you have sex without one, then you could get all sorts of problems." To which this paper asks, "Speaking from experience?" [The Sun]
• Ashton Kutcher is Tweeting for the White House. No, really. [Politico]
• Kathy Griffin on NPR! "NPR listeners, I know who you are. I know you guys read books, which I find tedious. You guys might try a book called Us Weekly. OK? It's a really good book. It has a lot of pictures." [NPR]
• Megan Fox spent the weekend in Las Vegas with Brian Austin Green. Back together? [E!]
• Someone threw a drink on Anna Kournikova at a club in Vegas and the tennis player "sprang into action," showing and screaming at the lady. [Page Six]
• Marissa Jaret Winokur continues to blog about her "weight loss journey." She writes: "I downloaded the video of Beyoncé's 'Single Ladies' and started to learn her dance. Let me tell you, if I ever did that dance in a club I would still be a single lady!!! But what a workout! It was free and fun and it kept my son very entertained – it was like a real-life Muppet danced out of his TV and into the living room. It kept him and, sadly, my husband very amused for almost an hour." [People]
• "Hollywood stars Antonio Banderas And Melanie Griffiths' Garden Seized As Spain Cracks Down On Illegal Coastal Homes." They'll lose their 40 foot swimming pool! [Daily Mail]
• Is Antonia Kidman — sister of Nicole and TV personality in Australia — addicted to exercise? [News.com.au]
• Redmond O'Neal with be allowed to leave jail to attend his mother Farrah Fawcett's funeral. [People]
• Law And Order: SVU fans, take note: Christopher Meloni and Mariska Hargitay have finally signed on to stay for two more seasons. [Variety]
• Amy Adams is in negotiations to star alongside Christian Bale and Mark Wahlberg in boxing drama The Fighter. [Variety]
• Some kind of drama involving Kanye West's bisexual girlfriend Amber Rose and a singer named Nicki Minaj, who Amber hit on? [ONTD]
• Here's a Q&A with Wilco's Jeff Tweedy, who says: "We did get word that whoever's in charge of loading [Barack Obama's] iPod requested the record and we got the record in." [Time]
• Best wishes to 92-year-old Zsa Zsa Gabor, who is out of the hospital after a 6-day stay for flu-like symptoms. [AP]
• The Nutty Professor is coming to Broadway, and Jerry Lewis will direct. [AP]
• Whatshername and Whatshisname: fighting in public. [Mirror]
• Blind item! "Which former boy bander looked oh-so-strung-out over the weekend? His diet of booze and nose candy certainly isn't helping his skin-and-bones appearance." [Gatecrasher]
• "I don't watch TV comedy in the UK anymore. We've got some poor copies of Curb Your Enthusiasm, some poor copies of Entourage and some poor copies of Seinfeld. With a few exceptions the Americans seem to be ahead of the game." — Ricky Gervais. [The Sun]
• "I pointed to a spot where I told him I wanted to be buried. Michael had a meltdown right then and there when he heard this. He shrieked and bent over and said, 'No, no, no.' [He said,] 'Don't ever talk about your dying. Don't ever think about it.' I couldn't pretend to understand him. There were so many complicated signals. Did he want me to be his 'older woman' friend? He gravitated to older women. For solace? Succor? A beard? Did he want me to teach him the ropes? I never could quite figure it out." — Jane Fonda, on her relationship with Michael Jackson. [E!]
• "I wish I could say that I was inspired by him for a role, I was inspired by him because I think he was a great artist but he was not the inspiration for Willy Wonka contrary to what most people say. No no no, I never ever thought of playing Michael Jackson in a film, I think if anyone should play Michael Jackson in a film it should've been Michael Jackson. A mother and a father have lost a son, siblings have lost a brother and millions of people around the world have lost someone they love. Children have lost a father so it's obviously a very sad, sad moment." — Johnny Depp. [The Star]
• "At the moment I feel like I need to go away and figure out what I want to do and be myself for a bit. I just want to take a step back from it and not rush into stuff. I need university to give me that break. People think because I'm going to university I'm never going to act again, but it's actually me… I want to… figure out how I feel about everything first. Maybe I'll keep acting, maybe I won't. I just want to find something where I feel I have to do this. Maybe that'll happen when I read a script. It felt like that with Hermione. I want to feel like that again." — Emma Watson, who will attend Columbia University in the fall. [Elle UK, NY Daily News]

From "And Wilt Thou Weep When I Am Low?" (1808)

From "On This Day I Complete My Thirty-Sixth Year." (1824)

From "When We Two Parted" (1817)

From "The First Kiss of Love" (1806)

From "So, We'll Go No More A-Roving" (1817)

Earlier poetry: Teen Prom: Grotesque Gowns & Girl-On-Girl Action
French Vogue: The Wind Beneath Our Wings

• This shoe is made by Christian Louboutin, out of python skin, leather, cobbler's glue, and, we assume, diamond-plated unicorn farts. Because what else could justify a $2,875 price tag? Happy recession! [The.Life.Files]

• Lindsay Lohan made the cover of Taiwan Harper's Bazaar, which a celebrity blogger initially misidentified as China Harper's Bazaar. An international incident unfolded in the comments. "Actually it is from Taiwan's Harper's Bazaar,not China……." wrote the user SAM. "Taiwan is a part of China," shot back someone called liangjuan. "Taiwan is independent as territory of the ROC, it is not part of the PRC," offered a stickler for details. "TAIWAN IS NOT PART OF CHINA!!!!! It is an independent country and it has NOTHING to do with China," said Taiwan Is My Life. Someone else pointed out the extensive use of Photoshop, and several users debated the invisibility of Lindsay's freckles, and downright Freudian levels of cocaine use. Someone called A split the difference: "photoshop does wonders ha. and taiwan and china are not the same." Then someone who reads Mandarin on The Fashion Spot pointed out the cover is from April 2008, not April 2009, and the seeming importance of all this faded. [JustJared]
• Charlotte Ronson threw a party for her J.C. Penney line, I Heart Ronson (which is pretty bad). This story doesn't mention how Lindsay Lohan was turned away at the door by security. Then she Twittered that Sam Ronson had broken her heart. [WWD]
• In response, Lindsay threw herself into her work. She's now designing pantyhose! Control-top pantyhose. [The Cut]
• People has the details of Gisele Bundchen's wedding gown. Presumably they shot this grainy telephoto image of a woman wearing an white dress before their photographers' window was shot out by a trigger-happy bodyguard? The dress and veil were John Galliano, custom, of course. Gisele's veil involved six feet of white silk tulle and hand-sewn lace, while her gown was bias-cut silk satin. [People]
• Veronica Webb might launch a jewelry line. "I would make accessories that would be the ultimate building blocks of women's wardrobes," she told New York last week at a Topshop opening party. "You know, things that they could interchange from season to season, and no matter what, they'd have the perfect little thing at their fingertip every time you need to get dressed in twenty minutes and leave the house — the belt that matters, the hoops that matter." Ah, yes. Accessories that matter. I've always craved those. Then she said Kate Moss was only as tall as her 6-year-old. [The Cut]
• Roberto Cavalli went ahead and extended his licensing deal with Itterre SpA, the bankrupted manufacturer whose subpar construction and late deliveries Cavalli alleged was the reason he had to cancel his fall Just Cavalli show at the last minute. At the time, Cavalli ranted — and cried — about Ittierre's actions to the international media, and Ittierre threatened to sue. Cavalli's new deal wipes away $26.5 million in royalties the designer claims Ittierre owes him. He must really want to sell that 20% stake in his company. [WWD]
• Alessandro Dell'Acqua has quit as creative director of Malo after less than a year in the position. IT Holdings SpA, the parent company of Ittierre, owns Malo and the label Gianfranco Ferré, which has been rudderless since the death of its founder last year. After Ittierre went bankrupt, IT Holdings was forced to announce its own bankruptcy. [WWD]
• Karen Elson, the British supermodel who married Jack White, moved to Nashville and opened a vintage store with a stylist friend. They look very happy. And well-dressed. [Blackbook]
• The CEO of the Gap, Glenn Murphy, took home $9.3 million last year. Despite his company's under-performance. [WWD]
• Christian Siriano would like everyone to know that CariDee English, formerly of that television show about weaves and feelings, is not his casting choice for his fall campaign. CariDee happened to do a test shoot recently with Brad Walsh, Siriano's photographer boyfriend, and for that shoot, Walsh styled CariDee in clothes from Siriano's main collection and shoes from his Payless line. Then, CariDee gave an interview to After Elton about how OMG she loves teh geighs SO MUCH!!! (and Fashion!), and somehow, the interviewer came away with the impression that the shoot was for Siriano's campaign. Which is not true. Christian loves CariDee, and he would do anything for her, but he won't do that. [The Cut]
• Yves Saint Laurent will offer a "new vintage" capsule collection starting next month at Barney's. The clothes will be made from fabrics from the label's archives. It's all part of a strategy to increase consumer spending on luxury items that doesn't involve sales — brands think they can do this by making their offerings seem more special and personal. [WWD]
• Beyoncé's $11,000 shopping spree at Patricia Field's store included the purchase of a hand-made mask. Pat has no idea what she'll use it for, either. [The Cut]
• There are three good stories at the end of this link: for one, Oscar de la Renta is still digging. On learning that the First Lady, who has yet to wear anything designed by him, had worked a few pieces by European designers into her wardrobe for her trip to, you know, Europe, he said, "Our industry right now is having a very difficult time. I think it would be great if the First Lady dressed in American styles. There are a lot of talented people here too." Which would sound less like a gloss on sour grapes coming from a guy who wasn't saying just last week that Mrs. Obama looked dowdy in that sweater she wore to meet the Queen. Secondly, Lord & Taylor is picking up Liz Claiborne again after five years. Because Isaac Mizrahi is the designer now, and L & T recognizes that kaleidoplaid is the way of the future. Thirdly, Stila is maybe bankrupt/for sale. Their website is down, and carries a warning that orders placed in late March might be canceled. [WWD]
• A good-looking 30-year-old San Francisco businessman, who happens to be a practicing Sikh, was spotted last year by the designer Kenneth Cole. Now he's working for GQ, which just proves that...hotness knows no religion? [Telegraph]

"Even though the tie and the jacket are different colors, they're both striped, so I thought they looked right together. And I wore the vest and pants together because they're both shades of red."

Arlo Weiner is 8, and he dresses like a foppish Fauntleroy with more than a few magpie touches. Borrowing a cane from Grandma here, turning a sash belt from a bathrobe into a tie there, and digging out an old satchel of his dad's to use as a bookbag, Weiner clearly knows from peaked lapels and crushed velvet. He wears ascots. To school. The young Weiner took a few moments out of his busy day to narrate a selection of his best outfits for a slideshow for GQ.

• Freida Pinto looks fantastic on the March cover of Vogue India. [ONTD]

• Stella McCartney and Net-a-porter.com have announced the designer will produce a capsule summer collection exclusively for the e-tailer. [WWD]
• Coco Rocha posted an excerpt from her E! Canada show about New York fashion week to her blog. She goes on a fitting at Michael Kors, and then has an odd conversation with Heidi Klum about pole dancing. [OhSoCoco]
• Mad Men costume designer Janie Bryant shares a favorite designer with Edina Monsoon. She still can't talk about her potential namesake line, however. [The Cut]
• The rumor that Debra Messing and Cameron Diaz dumped Rachel Zoe as a stylist isn't true, say Debra Messing, Cameron Diaz, and Rachel Zoe. Phew. [People]
• Zoe also still styles Anne Hathaway, whose spectacular art deco-looking Oscars dress was Armani Privé. [USA Today]
• And everyone approved of Kate Winslet's Yves Saint Laurent — except, that is, for her daughter Mia, who objected to the fact that it was gray. [Yahoo! News]
• A coda to all this talk of hats coming back (or not) might be provided by an exhibition, curated by milliner Stephen Jones, at the Victoria and Albert Museum in London. Called Hats: An Anthology by Stephen Jones, it was culled from over 7,000 hats in the museum's collection, including the hat Cecil Beaton made for Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady, Darth Vader's mask, and, appropriately enough, a bonnet and a top hat from Queen Victoria and Prince Albert, respectively. [Style.com]
• Rodarte's response to the economic situation? Not making pants. "We don't sell our pants anyway," said Kate Mulleavy at a panel in Los Angeles — so as a cost-cutting measure, they didn't even design any for this fall. At the same event, Adriano Goldschmied, who does make pants — jeans that cost $200, to be precise — said in the downturn, luxury will return to its true, dreamy essence. "Even if [customers] can't afford it, at least you give them a dream. A dream, in my opinion, is the engine for our work." Of course, if dreaming is all your customers do, you're in trouble. [WWD]
• Former fashion editor Nonnie Moore died at 87 in Manhattan. Moore, who was the fashion director of Mademoiselle, Harper's Bazaar, and GQ during the 1970s and '80s, was an early promoter of Perry Ellis and Issey Miyake. [NY Times]
• Coach announced plans to cut 10% of its US corporate workforce. [WWD]
• All those 85% off sales over the winter were, unsurprisingly, harbingers of really bad quarterly results: Saks joins Nordstrom and other department stores in reporting sharp declines in sales for the quarter ended January 31. Same-store sales at Saks Fifth Avenue fell 15.3% in the period (in the fourth quarter of 07, same-store sales grew by 9%). All told, the retailer lost $98.75 million dollars during the quarter. [NY Times]
• Speaking of Nordstrom, it's making money — or at least stopping the losses — any way it can. Which includes sneaking up the finance rates on its store cards. And lowering its prices. I'd call that about a draw from the consumer's perspective. [WSJ]
• Someone who's expanding in this market is H&M. The fast fashion chain expects to open its first store in South Korea in the spring of 2010. [WWD]
• Could Tommy Hilfiger's new wife Dee Ocleppo be pregnant? [Page Six]

• Jennifer Aniston admits two things about that naughty nude GQ cover: that she was drunk when they snapped the pics and that they photoshopped her already perfect funbags. [NYDN]

• On the View on Wednesday, in reference to the GQ shots Barbara Wawa asked Jen, "What happened to the girl next door from Friends?" To which Jen cheekily replied, "She's there! Photoshopped!" Gotta admit the Aniston is growing on us. [NYDN]
• Speaking of the oft-discussed GQ cover, apparently the Hudson News chain in Grand Central covered Aniston's naked form in its window display with a piece of paper. Don't want those commuters getting too titillated! [NYDN]
• Eartha Kitt died on Christmas Day at the age of 81. There will be a more thorough post honoring the singer later today. [NYT]
• Certified mother of the year Dina Lohan was spotted at 1Oak with Lindsay's little brother Michael, celebrating his 21st birthday. What would the actual Oprah say about White Oprah's behavior? [Page Six]
• More missives from the Lohan clan, Lindsay wrote the following on her MySpace blog. "My father just let my family and I know, amongst others that he had another child after my little sister Aliana, or maybe he had it before Aliana?? Either way he cheated on my mother and that really sucks. Wow—do I sound like 'Debbie Downer' or what? Not trying to be." Poor Lindsay. Then she continues on to talk of brighter things, like Britney Spears's comeback. [E! Online]
• Ugh, this is so sad. Mark Ruffalo's family had to hold his brother Scott's funeral without his body, as Scott's corpse is still part of the homicide investigation. Police are still trying to piece together why hairdresser Scott was shot to death. Blerg. [Page Six]
• Congrats, Katie Couric! The news diva's ratings went up last week, to 7.4 million. [Fall Out Boy's website. He looks like every other baby. [E! Online]
• Did Tara Reid punk out on rehab? Someone claims they have snaps of her partying in Miami two days after she released a statement about entering promises rehab center. Also fishy: the photos are from her birthday party, and were allegedly taken on December 15. Her birthday is November 8. [IDLYITW]
• Ad man cum cable personality Donny Deutsch was caught cheating with a married woman earlier this year, but in his new book, he preaches faithfulness in marriage. "I'm not giving marriage advice," Deutsch claims. "I am, however, offering advice of the heart." A classic case of do what I say, not what I do. [Page Six]

After not talking about Brad and Angelina for years, first you were babbling to some Wintour-trons about how what Angie did was "uncool", and now you're in your birthday suit on the cover of GQ, snarking further about the blessed couple and their passel of brats. Look, I get it: people are still asking you about them, and it's infuriating. Who wants to be asked constantly about your ex-husband and the freaking gorgeous perfect earth mama he left you for? But, after that September, 2005 issue of Vanity Fair when you said Brad had a "sensitivity chip" missing and then got all that public sympathy, I thought you had said your piece and moved on.

But no! You're apparently still mired in it, and this, compounded by your forthcoming film choices. According to GQ:

As we finish lunch, she talks about the project she seems most excited about: a movie she’s developing called Pumas, in which she hopes to star with Elizabeth Banks. “It’s sort of a female Wedding Crashers,” she says. “It’s these two girls who are aspiring cougars. It is so a comment on the sexual double standard—and what’s been ironic is how hard it’s been to get this movie made. Studios want it, but they’re afraid of Middle America. They’d want to change it; they’re saying, Oh, you can’t do that, people just can’t imagine you…” She’s alluding here to Hollywood’s formula for romantic comedies and her default character within them—offbeat, likable, and unlucky in love…before I leave, I have to ask about what she—referring earlier to the photo of her and the half-naked dudes—described as “sort of a cougar thing.” Her friend Courteney Cox has just announced a TV show called Cougar Town, there’s that Pumas movie, and of course, the younger man. Sure, it all seems a little heavy-handed, but if Jen’s trying to signal that in the next episode of her life she’ll play a fortysomething sex symbol, well, we’re certainly not going to complain.

Oh, Jen. As Tedra Osell of Bitch PhD pointed out earlier this year, calling yourself a "cougar" is not actually empowering. It's sort of making your adult sexuality into a sideshow. Or, as Tedra put it, "As an official feminist and sometime 'cougar,' I think the label is revolting. I mean, yes, congratulations, society, on realizing that adult women are sexual beings, but generally I find that the label is used condescendingly, as if women that age are a little past it and aggressive—predatory in a desperate way."

You're a sexy, vibrant, multimillionaire. You don't need to strip down to your skivvies and dish about your ex-husband or take on lame, jumped-the-shark roles because you think they're "hot." Just hang out on the beach with Jon Mayer and smoke some weed and stop worrying so much about controlling what the tabloids say about you. You'll probably be a lot happier.

Stay Sweet,

Jess

PS: No one else is going to tell you this, but in the above picture the people at GQ Photoshopped you into looking like O.G. Real Housewife Vicki Gunvalson. Real Talk.

Lordy, Lordy, This Woman Is 40 [GQ]

Earlier: Jennifer Aniston: Buck Naked & Making Brangelina Jokes
Is Calling A Woman A Cougar Grounds For A Court Case?
Oprah: Jennifer Aniston Explains Why Angelina Is "Uncool"

• As part of her ongoing media blitz, Jennifer Aniston is wearing only a necktie on the cover of GQ. In the story, the reporter asks why people are still interested in the story of her breakup with Brad and his ladyfriend, Angelina. Aniston tells the reporter: "The funny thing is that people don't realize we all go away to the Hamptons on the weekends. No. But can you imagine? That'd be hysterical: I've got Zahara on my hip, and Knox...." [Us Magazine]
• Oh, this is not the first time Jen's posed nekkid; she was bare-assed on the cover of Rolling Stone back in 1996. [Extra]
• Don't forget, guys, Jen is working on a movie called Pumas, which she calls "sort of a female Wedding Crashers" about two "aspiring cougars." Roar? [People]
• This Q&A with Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio begins with Kate saying, "Where is that little fucker?" because Leo is running late. [EW
• Additionally, Leo talks about current teen heartthrobs Zac Efron and Robert Pattinson: "When I see younger actors getting a tremendous amount of publicity, I say to myself, Well, they’ve been given an unbelievable opportunity, and I hope they know within themselves that all that really matters at the end of the day is the work. All this noise and attention will absolutely deteriorate and there will be a new, fresh piece of meat for the media to focus on within less than a year’s time." [Just Jared]
• These "Gwyneth marriage is on the rocks" stories keep popping up. [Gatecrasher]
• Uh-oh, guess who got beat up in prison? Your old pal, Blake Incarcerated. [The Sun]
• Supposedly pregnant Kate Moss was seen with "poppers," aka amyl nitrite. Tsk, tsk! [Daily Mail]
• Bobby Brown was working on a tell-all book about Whitney Houston, except for the part where he forgot he'd signed a confidentiality agreement in which he promised not to write anything about her. But! There is still a book coming out, written by Derek Handspike, and it has all the stories Bobby promised, like how he "died" three times from drug overdoses; hit Whitney, and had sex with Janet Jackson. Good times. [Fox 411]
• Madonna and Guy: Still locked in a custody battle, even though the divorce has gone through. Madonna's desire to live in the U.S. complicates things. [Daily Mail]
• Pete Wentz is actually Pete Wentz III. So why didn't he name his kid Pete IV? "There is a lineage of Pete's, but this is not a Pete," he says. "I think that it's important to name someone after you meet them and you realize who they are. And when I met my son, he looked like he was a Bronx." [E!]
• By the by, magazines do not want to waste cash on pix of Bronx. [Page Six]
• Heath Ledger's name has been stripped from a new Australian arts center that was supposed to be named in his honor. [News.com.au]
• Nice: Writer Patricia Cornwell is speaking out about same-sex marriage. "If people like me don't take a stand then it will only get worse. We just want to live and let live and be treated in the same way straight people are treated," she says. [Reuters]
• Fiddy Cent: Addicted to success! That's what he says in this video. And he looks good in a suit. [The.Life Files]
• Ever since the National Enquirer reported that Kelly Ripa and Mark Conseulos were splitting up, Kelly has been talking about Mark every day on her show and been spotted kissing him in public. Subtle spin! [NY Mag]
• Score one for Josh Hartnett: The Mirror had to pay him £20,000 in libel damages after printing that he indulged in "steamy shenanigans" with a mystery woman at a London hotel and that they were caught on closed circuit TV. Sorta sad that this story isn't true! [The Star]
• Oh no, more Twilight drama: the studio doesn't want to rehire Taylor Lautner, the actor who played Jacob! Ridiculous, since he is adorbs. They're also dealing with the "obstacle" of finding Native American actors. Again, ridiculous! Didn't Kevin Costner find heaps of them back in the day? [Perez Hilton]
• What a tangled web: Evan Rachel Wood has been cast as Mary Jane in Spider-Man: The Musical. [Perez Hilton]
• Animal rights groups are pissed at Nigella Lawson, who said, "If I could go out into the woods and kill a bear myself, I’d wear it proudly as a trophy." She added: If you’re in nature and it’s either you go or the bear…" [The Sun]
• Can the world take nine seasons of Desperate Housewives? [USA Today]
• LOL! The Top Ten Things Bijou Phillips Hates include "when guys get highlights" and "being too old to play Barbie dolls." [BlackBook]
• What's this? Tori Spelling, aka Donna Martin Graduates, might end up being on 90210 2.0 after all? [Yahoo News via E!]
• Alicia Silverstone on stage! In LA, in the world premiere of Donald Margulies' Time Stands Still. [Variety]
• D-List celebs get paid to "host" New Year's Eve parties? Still? Even in this economy? [Page Six]
• DJ AM: Not impressed by the chick on The Bachelorette. [Page Six]
• Is Abbie Cornish knocked up with Ryan Phillippe's kid? [News.com.au]
• When these Hanson kids have kids we're forced to remember they're not kids. [People]
• Rihanna's nails are happy and sad and happy and sad. [Concrete Loop]
• Yesterday we read Katie "Jordan" Price claims, in her own words, that she is not pregnant; today, this report announces hat she is three months along. [News.com.au]
• This dumb sorta racist song may or may not be rapped by Kevin Federline. Actually, it sounds nothing like him, and that is an awful thing to admit. [The Atlantic]
• Somehow Kylie Minogue doing a musical number a Bollywood film seems absolutely right. [The Sun]
• Prison Break's Lane Garrison has been slapped with a wrongful death lawsuit; he will definitely have to pay up! [Perez Hilton]
• Ben Stiller will replace Mark Ruffalo Greenburg, a comedy-drama Noah Baumbach is writing and directing. (Baumbach was nominated for an Oscar for The Squid and the Whale and is married to Jennifer Jason Leigh.) [The Hollywood Reporter]
• The wife of disgraced private eye Anthony Pellicano is getting a reality show, in which she and her three daughters try to figure out how to fund their extravagant lifestyle without Hubs/Daddy. [Variety]
• Jessica Lange and Sam Shepard have sold their Minnesota house at a loss. [UPI]
• Stop, oh ho ho stop me, stop me if you think that you've heard this one before: The Smiths are talking about a reunion. [Telegraph]
• Documents from the archives of the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. were supposed to be auctioned off; Harry Belafonte, who owned the papers, withdrew them from sale right before the auction. [NY Times]
• "She's been saying that for years. I have nothing against her but I'm still living and working. You know I'm not dead yet." — Stevie Nicks on Lindsay Lohan's obsession to play her in a movie. [Perez Hilton]
• "My target audience is females between the ages of 70 and 85." — Enrique Iglesias. [Mirror]
• "I'm very intelligent. I'm capable of doing everything put to me. I've two records, I've launched a perfume and I want my own hotel chain. I'm the living proof that blondes are not stupid." — Paris Hilton. [The Sun]
• "Hey everyone! I haven't written in a while, just wanted to write and check in! Motherhood is the most fantastic experience I have ever been thru, Bronx makes me laugh and smile everyday! I finally left the house for Fall Out Boy's show on Monday night, which was so good. Their new songs sound awesome live, I can't wait for their new record! And last night I went to Pete and Bronx's godfather Travis' artshow. It's amazing to see how many artistic outlets those boys have! Made me very proud. It was an awesome show and so many of our friends and family came out to support. I hope you guys have a great holiday, I can't wait to spend it with my new family. Christmas tree goes up tomorrow!" — Ashlee Simpson's MySpace blog. [ET]
• "I was never single in the industry — when the movies came out and I started getting more jobs, I was always married. So [becoming the subject of romance rumors] is very new to me, and it hits you very fast because the publications jump on you. You’re dating everybody you walk around with — you can’t have any male friends. It’s weird.' — Kate Hudson. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "We were both relishing [the fights]. Reading those sequences where these people are at each other's throats and having these suburban knockout, drag-out fights? Look, there's not many actresses like Kate Winslet who you know can endure anything you give them and give it right back." — Leonardo DiCaprio. [EW]
• [Sudden fame] did affect my choices as an actress, definitely. In a good way. It really made me sit and think, ''Okay, you know what? Don't worry about the fact that there's 10 paparazzi outside the door, don't worry about the fact that people may be expecting completely different things from you right now just because you're suddenly so famous. This doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of what you love about your job.' So in a way, Titanic has played a very big part in being able to hang on to a sense of who I am, because I felt that I had to fight for it then at a very young age." — Kate Winslet. [EW]

All of these men landed a cover. I don't know what happened to President-Elect Obama so that he looks like Adam Ant. Some kind of printing error with green ink.

Well, now, that's better, isn't it? And look, a flag pin.

Jimmy Dean Franco has that faraway gaze that says, "kissing Sean Penn changed my life."

You'd think that by now, America had had enough of Michael Phelps, wet, in a swimsuit. But no. No, we have not.

Gah.

Leonardo DiCaprio has this crazy ability to look ageless, and by that I mean he could be 20 or 40, living in the '20s or '40s.

He's not one of the "Men of the Year," but I thought it was cute that the mag used Brandon Flowers of The Killers to model tuxes.

The concept for the Jon Hamm photo shoot was Marlboro Man, sort of. But also Grapes of Wrath or Of Mice and Men.

Serously, he's thinking about squeezing that horse to death right now.

Oh, and for all you people who love Don Draper and think of Jon Hamm as Don Draper, the interview will, no doubt, disappoint you:

Sorry.

GQ [Official Site]

The Good:
I'd never loved this dress before — makes me think "Harlequin" — but Jaime King has made me a believer.


MIA was obviously going to make maternity look awesome.


January Jones looks as retro-elegant as Betty Draper ever did.


I love it when Rosario Dawson goes low-key.


Yes, Rashida Jones's silhouette is on trend, but it totally works!


The Bad:
If I find out Lynn Collins actually crocheted this, I take it all back.


See, I get what Olivia Wilde was going for — a casual, bohemian mix 'n match look. But this nightie and sequined shrug is looking more Norma Desmond.


Maybe when you're really naturally lovely, like Emmanuelle Chriqui, it's fun to get away with really ugly clothes just cause you can?


Sarah Shahi's red romper deal would depress me, too.


The Ugly:
YSL is currently rolling in his grave at Amber Valletta's interpretation of "le smoking!"

[Images via Getty]

At first, I thought perhaps the context of Mirren's statement would make it less nonsensical. I mean, why is Mirren even bringing up rape in an interview in the first place, much less for the second time in less than a year? I can't really imagine Julia Roberts weighing in on rape when talking to Redbook. But the context makes Mirren's statements even more damning, since she brings up rape apropos of nothing. First, Mirren claims to love women more than men, but then the reporter, a woman named Chrissy Iley, brings up the fact that in the past, Mirren has requested male interviewers instead of female ones. To that, Mirren says:

I prefer male journalists because there's a streak of female journalism - the bitches - who are mean-spirited and nasty because you are another woman and want to make you feel crap. It's very upsetting. I'm more careful when I'm being interviewed by a woman because, from experience as well as reading articles about other women, I know there is a little stiletto knife hidden behind the back.

Right after that, she launches into the part about rape cases quoted earlier. Perhaps the saddest part of all is the fact that Illey agrees with Mirren. "She's laughing as she sizes me up," Illey writes, "But she's right. On the whole, women don't like other women, because women are competitive with each other." Even more odd is that Illey spends the entire article basically drooling over Mirren's looks, describing her"simmering sexual presence" and skin-tight suit. "She’s wearing a cotton suit in milky beige and a white T-shirt. As she bends down, the skirt stretches over her bottom and thigh. Extremely tight." Then, after all that rape talk, Illey describes how Mirren aggressively flirts with her: "As I get up to go, she stops me and says, 'And thank you for the view.' I blush. I was jet-lagged, I had no clean underwear, so I’d gone without. I didn’t think she’d notice. But she did. And she laughs, the minx."

In this interview as well as the GQ piece, Mirren talks about how she has been raped before. "She has said in the past that when she was forced to have sex against her will it was the lethal result of a combination of feminism — not wanting to be a victim — and innocence — not knowing how not to be a victim," Illey writes. "She has said that it wasn’t about just saying no, because the man wouldn’t take no for an answer."

Great Britain has a pathetic record when it comes to rape prosecution — only 10% of rapes are reported and of those, only 6% get convictions — and as such, activists are furious with Mirren. Solicitor General Vera Baird tells the Daily Mail, "This is just such an ignorant thing to say, to suggest that the defence or prosecution have any involvement in the selection of a jury…It's such a shame that a person who has a high profile feels qualified and able to put forward this nonsense. It's capable of being quite dangerous because someone in that position saying that sort of thing, suggesting that she knows more than she actually does."

What remains a mystery is why Mirren continues to insert her feet firmly into her mouth. Is it because her ego is so huge she thinks she can do whatever she pleases without repercussion? Is she just projecting her own feelings of hate onto other women? Is it something deeper and more personal? Or is she just an asshole? In her interview with Illey, Mirren says, "I learn from the positive, not from the negative, but I do believe in getting on with it. Taking responsibility for yourself and not blaming other people is an incredibly important thing."

Helen Mirren: Perennial Pin-Up [Times of London]
Helen Mirren: Sexually Jealous Women Jurors Think Rape Victims Are Asking For It [Daily Mail]

Earlier: Helen Mirren on Being Raped And Why Women Should Just Learn To Work It Out
The Rape Conviction Rate In Britain Is Pathetically Low

Related: Me And My School Photo: Helen Mirren [Daily Mail]