"[Alli Sims] Is So Fuckin' Doughy You Wouldn't Be Surprised If You Walked In On Britney Trying To Eat Her Leg"

Welcome back to our weekly examination of the Crimes Against Womanity committed by gossip bloggers and the virtual wristslaps we issue out to our grammatically and creatively-challenged web friends. In this edition, we give Alli Sims (Britney's former assistant and aspiring pop-star), Brooke Hogan, Jennifer Garner, Britney Spears, and Rock of Love 2's Daisy de la Hoya. More »

"Hot Young Models Are Lining Up For One Night In That Dusty Old Snatch"

Welcome back to Missdemeanors! This is where we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. Some readers ask why we do this, since, quite often, the same damn blogs are always listed. Well, we received an email from DailyBlogTips.com, naming the Top 25 Celebrity Blogs. These are some of the most profitable blogs on the internet. On the list: Perez Hilton, TMZ, The Superficial, WWTDD, Egotastic and Dlisted. We have no problem with them making money; we have a problem with them making money off of sexist and misogynist writing. As long as they write effed up posts, we'll call them on it. This week, Kim Cattrall is a "weathered old hag," Brooke Hogan is "fugly," and Lindsay Lohan "will hurt herself scrambling to get to your penis." It's been another great week of "writing" "gossip" on the Internet. Bloggers' continued degradation of female celebrity bodies and their corresponding punishments, after the jump. Let the Jezebel Justice system begin! More »

Liv Tyler Is A "Pale Fattie" With A "Hilariously Small Head"

Welcome back to Missdemeanors, in which we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. This week? Pregnant still=fat. WTF people?? Also, Celine Dion must be an animal, since she has body hair; Jamie Lynn Spears must be a Star Wars villain, since she is pregnant; and Liv Tyler is a "pale fattie." All this and so much more, after the jump. Let the Jezebel justice system begin! More »

Lily Allen's "Lady Parts Are As Numb As Her Heart"

It's time for Missdemeanors, in which we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. This week? Pregnant still=Fat; women still=sluts, miscarriage="funny." The offenders and their sentences, after the jump. Let the Jezebel justice system begin! More »

Stop The Presses: There's Little To Bitch About In Gossip-Blogs Today

Welcome back to Missdemeanors, where we issue a virtual spanking to the internet's most popular gossip bloggers for their Crimes Against Womanity. Guys, I have a confession. I just could not get offended this week. Maybe it's because I just got engaged [Mazel Tov! -Ed.]. Maybe it's because Obama killed it in Iowa and I am so excited that I just can't get worked up over gossip blogger bullshit. Or maybe it's because I'm feeling upset over Britney Spears and it's taking my focus away from Missdemeanors. But regardless, I do think our usual suspects have taken the meanness down a notch this week and have upped the funny to the point where I literally guffawed over a Todd post on "I Don't Like You In That Way". WTF? So in honor of my general warm fuzziness, I'm giving out pats on the back this week as opposed to clamping on the cuffs. With one exception. (Perez still sucks.) More »