• Ashlee Simpson wed Pete Wentz on Saturday at her parents' house in Encino, CA. Afterwards, she and guests partied at an Alice In Wonderland-themed reception. Sister Jessica was the maid of honor and brought Dallas Cowboy Tony Romo. You know, Jessica had an Alice In Wonderland-themed birthday party on episode 9 of Newlyweds: Nick And Jessica. And she didn't even know who the Mad Hatter was. [Rush & Molloy]

• The bride wore an ivory lace gown by Monique Lhuillier. The groom's bulldog, Hemingway, was the ring bearer. Papa Joe Simpson officiated. [People]
• Jessica was "subdued" during the wedding and "did not look happy." Ashlee "managed to hide her pregnancy pretty well." [E!]
• Ashlee did tell wedding guests that she is, indeed, pregnant. [Perez Hilton]
• The rehearsal dinner was at Jessica's house. [E!]
• Kate Hudson is getting over her breakup with Owen Wilson by hanging out with Lance Armstrong. They had dinner Friday and Saturday night in Austin, Texas. [People]
• Goldie Hawn says daughter Kate is "doing really well." [People]
• Angelina says she's explained to her kids that she has twins in her belly, so now Zahara says "she's got little piggies and she has to eat brownies because the piggies need to eat brownies." And Pax "says he's got monkeys." According to this paper, Brad and Angelina are spending £8 million to ensure the safe arrival of the twins. [Mirror]

• Here's some old-ass video of Angelina hanging out with some chick who is smoking heroin. [The Sun]

• Mariah Carey plans to get married to Nick Cannon again, this time in an over-the-top ceremony in New York. Mariah wants over 2,000 guests, 14 bridesmaids and a $4 million budget. On the guest list? Naomi Campbell. Awesome. [MSNBC]
• Rihanna on Chris Brown: "We are very good friends. [People]
• Sadie Frost is not happy that her boytoy Kristian Marr hasn't been returning her calls and has been hanging out with Amy Winehouse. Sigh. [Daily Mail]
• Are Amy and Blake Incarcerated planning on renewing their wedding vows when he gets released? [Mirror]
• Amy's mom says: "[Blake]'s been in prison for almost as long as they've been together." She also acknowledges that Amy is still on drugs. Blake's mom says: "I was relieved when Blake was jailed in November. Parted from Amy, I felt it was his greatest chance - and hers - of beating [his] addiction to drugs." She also says: "Every week, I see countless photographs of [Amy]…Half-dressed, surrounded by hangers-on… [looking like an] addict, with her thin frame, grubby fingernails and cuts on her arms. If Amy were our daughter, my husband Giles and I certainly wouldn't let her walk the streets in this state." [Daily Mail]
• Amy's mom says "Amy didn't start on the hard drugs until she met Blake." [Telegraph]
• Meanwhile, Blake's dad was in a bicycle accident and could be paralyzed. It's a soap opera that never ends! [Mirror]
• Pete Doherty played in a celebrity soccer match. [The Star]
• Um, I must have blocked out the fact that Pete Doherty has a five-year-old son. [Daily Mail]
• Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag ran up a $783 bill at an L.A. restaurant and then tipped $16. Well, math is not their strength. [TMZ]
• Britney, in Costa Rica, riding an ATV. [TMZ]
• Britney in Costa Rica, riding a boogie board. [The Sun]
• Bono has asked David Beckham to join him on an expedition to climb Mount Kilimanjaro. David wants to do it! Posh would never be seen in hiking boots, huh. [The Sun]
• Is Justin Timberlake ready to propose to Jessica Biel? Apparently he wants to get married in a private ceremony on the island of Mustique. [The Sun]
• Ashley Olsen's new boyfriend is a "little bit psycho-y" and he doesn't like having his picture taken. Good thing he's with a girl who never gets photographed! [Page Six]
• John Stamos has a black eye from a kick-boxing "accident." Poor thing. [Page Six]
• Does George Clooney have new teeth? [ONTD]
• The Aniston/Mayer pairing is still going strong. Here they are making out in Miami. [Mirror]
• Barbara Walters on Star Jones: "I mean, we had to lie for her. And I was worried about my own credibility. Joy Behar was very upset about it." [MediaBistro]
• Star's ex-husband Al Reynolds may spill all in a sit-down TV interview. If someone will pay him. [Perez Hilton]
• Incredibly obvious blind item! "What reviled British personality, generally reviled by everyone, has started to pull a Heidi and Spencer????? That's right, the media-hating (at least in public) skank is now traveling with her very own paparazzi photographer. The snapper arranges with her to get exclusive pics of the hooker and then they split the profits. Hey, she's gotta make money somehow, right?" [Perez Hilton]
• Scarlett Johansson didn't got to the Cannes premiere of her Woody Allen flick because she wanted more than the studio was willing to spend. Scarlett reportedly refused to stay at the same hotel as co-star Penelope Cruz and Woody Allen, and she also refused to share a makeup artist with Penelope. Diva! [Perez Hilton]
• Christina Aguilera removed every hint of the Osbournes before moving into their Beverly Hills mansion. Not surprising. she's not exactly the gargoyle type. [Janet Charlton's Hollywod]
• Kelly Rowland is writing a children's book. This paper illustrates this story with a picture of Beyoncé, sigh. [Times Of India]
• Kevin Federline's lawyer: "If I had to hire an investigator or investigators to provide me with the intelligence about what's going on, where they are, how are they doing, it would be north of half a million to a million dollars ... as opposed to buying People magazine for $3.95 on Thursday morning or going on TMZ." [AP]
• Brody Jenner in Chicago: "He was swigging Grey Goose vodka straight from the bottle and looked practically comatose. The bar smelled awful, and girls in tube tops were swarming all over him." You know. The usual. [Page Six]
• Gossip Girl's Leighton Meester seen making out with co-star Sebastian Stan. These names only exist to taunt us, don't they? [Page Six]
• Gina Gershon is looking for a personal assistant. Any takers? [Page Six]
• The new Indiana Jones movie: "Often thrilling, sometimes charming, occasionally clunky family entertainment that perhaps wisely doesn't attempt to scale the heights of Raiders of the Lost Ark.. [New York Post]
• Does Petra Nemcova want Sean Penn back? She's been "flirting heavily" with him at the Cannes Film Festival, despite the fact that he is there with wife Robin Wright Penn. [Rush & Molloy]
• Mischa Barton was seen smoking a joint and knocking back tequila shots in Cannes. [Rush & Molloy]
• Rapper DMX allegedly checked into an Arizona hospital in April under a fake name so that he didn't have to pay the bill. [TMZ]
• Kenny Chesney won entertainer of the year at the Academy of Country Music Awards, yawn. [People]
• A prison inmate is suing over how he was portrayed in a 50 Cent movie. Good luck with that! [UPI]
• Loni Anderson got married over the weekend, to an old flame named Bob Flick. [ET]
• The sister of late INXS lead singer Michael Hutchence has been selling personal items and memorabilia on eBay. [News.com.au]
• Sean Patrick Thomas of Save The Last Dance is the father of a new baby girl, Lola Jolie. [People]
• Boy George sells stuff on the street now. [The Sun]

OK!
"Ready To Wed!" Here's the gist: Reese Witherspoon doesn't want her children to see her living "in sin," so she won't let Jake Gyllenhaal move in until they're married. But! The kids love him. So conditions are perfect. "Hollywood Big Mouths" is a 2-page spread out OK!'s favorite pouty lips. Janice Dickinson, Anne Hathaway and Ali Lohan are honored.
Grade: F (salt water)






Us
"Stabbed In The Heart!" Intern Sharon says, "That is so emo." Jessica Simpson is so distraught that her ex John Mayer is with Jen Aniston that she's been turning to alcohol. Apparently she went out with her friend CaCee Cobb (who is dating Scrubs star Donald Faison) and they all knocked back so many margaritas that Jess had to call her mom for a ride — and it was the night before Mother's Day! (CaCee drank so much she "puked a little under the table," says a source.) This story goes on for eight pages and there's a chart called "Jess Vs. Jen: The two share more than just John Mayer" where the ladies are shown in bikinis so you can compare them. Classy. Moving on: Liv Tyler and Royston Langdon are dunzo, but they want to be civil, so it's easy on their son Milo. A source says, "They fell out of love." Sniff. Heath Ledger's Joker action figure is selling out at toy stores, although it's not really a collectible or worth anything. People just want to own it. Blind item! "Which Golden Globe-winning TV star was disinvited[sic] from her own sister's wedding because her family is so distrustful of her long-time beau? Says a source, 'Her mom thinks the guys is a mooch.'" Also inside: Tom Cruise holds people so tightly his hand leaves a mark (Fig. 1). Are Britney and Kevin reconciling? The exes have a "camraderie," says a source. Jennifer Lopez's sister Lynda Lopez is expecting, if you care. Angelina's "bizarre baby plan" is to have the kid in France. Also, Us points out that Star reported that Angie has gestational diabetes, but it's not true; and Star claims she is having twins, but she says "my baby" when discussing her pregnancy. Also, Brad and Angelina will not get married any time soon, because it would complicate their finances. Lastly, there's a four-page Sex And The City story with cocktail recipes and quiz.
Grade: D- (gray water)


In Touch
"Brad Walks Away" Apparently Brad and Angie have been arguing because she doesn't want to get married and he was spotted drinking alone at a bar on the coast of France. (But, um, she can't go drinking with him, she's pregnant.) Maybe she has a fear of commitment because of her parents' divorce, speculates a psychologist who does not treat her. Moving on: Lindsay Lohan bitched out a girl who was talking to Samantha Ronson while Sam was DJing. LL pointed at the woman and screamed, "You're a slut!" Apparently the look on LL's face was "scary." Britney's "mystery bump" is probably due to the fact that she's on Prozac and Zoloft and eating a lot. Lastly: Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham has pages from fashion magazines up in her closet. "When she can't think of what to wear, she closes her eyes, spins around, and points at a picture. That will be what she wears."
Grade: D- (purified water)


Life & Style
"Friends Fear That Jessica Got Dumped Again!" While Tony Romo was at Uncle Fatty's Rum Resort in Chicago, he told his buddies that he and Jessica Simpson had split. That same night, Jessica drowned her sorrows in booze and burritos. Jen Aniston has a new love and a new body! She only eats salad, sez the mag. Jen is telling people that John is more adventurous than she's used to — and she likes it! Angelina has been relaxing in France in a bikini. "Angie loves her pregnant body," crows a caption. Lastly: Vince Vaughn turned down a threesome with two goth sisters and they sold their tale (and picture) to the mag. (Fig. 2)
Grade: D+ (sparkling water)


Star
"Nicole In Tears!" At Crown Bar in L.A., Joel Madden and Lindsay Lohan sat next to each other. "Their heads were practically touching and his leg was over hers," says a spywitness. When Paris Hilton saw what was happening, she made a huge deal of it and made sure everyone saw. Then she texted Nicole with the news. One source says Lindsay is clueless and "just doesn't get that she crosses the line." Another source says Nicole thinks Lindsay is a horrible human being. Moving on: Newlywed Nick Cannon is so happy, "My cheeks hurt from smiling so hard," he says. Kate Bosworth is "back to bones." She is 5'7" and 102 lbs. Apparently when she was with Orlando Bloom, he would tell her she had puffy cheeks and she got down to 100 lbs. Then she was back up to 113 lbs., but her new boyfriend is a model and very weight-conscious. Also inside: Scarlett Johansson says she never thought she'd get married so young but Ryan Reynolds "kept asking, at least for the last six months. He just wore me down." Lauren Conrad and Doug Reinhardt are already dunzo: She was too clingy, he was just in it for the fame. "Doug spent all his time looking for his pictures in magazines and Googling himself," says a source. Heidi Montag scandal! "This summer, Heidi plans to wear loose clothes and even strap on some padding around the waist, to make it look like she's three months along," says an insider. She and Spencer will refuse to confirm or deny anything to keep the rumor mill going. John Mayer wants to impress Jen Aniston, so he spent $6,000 on gifts for her: $600 patent leather YSL pumps; $2,175 quilted leather Prada bag and three 18K gold bangles for $1,150 each. Kristin Davis is not like Charlotte York because she is an alcoholic who no longer drinks. At all. Fresh-out-of-rehab Kirsten Dunst was seen drinking at a NYC bar; she slammed whiskey shots and rum and cokes and she was out of control. Relapse! Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz will get married in Mexico and honeymoon there, too. Pete's gonna wear sneakers with his tux. (Intern Sharon says, " I wouldn't expect anything else.) Suri Cruise drinks a special Scientology formula that is made from barley water, organic milk and organic raw honey. Sometimes it coagulates into an unappetizing yellow. A pediatrician who does not treat Suri says she may not be getting the vitamins she needs. Plus, honey can rot babies' teeth. But Scientologists don't believe in breastfeeding.
Grade: C- (mineral water)

Fig. 1

Fig. 2

• Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson: Engaged??? Apparently she has a huge new rock on her finger. A source says, "He picked out the ring and went for the biggest one he could find. He was nervous about proposing but Kate was thrilled and the whole thing was really emotional." Guess Owen's rough times are over? [The Sun]
  
• John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston spent another weekend together in Miami, eating salads poolside and making out. [People]
  
• Jenna Bush got married. [People]
  
• Dennis Farina was arrested at LAX for carrying a loaded, unregistered, .22 caliber, semi-automatic pistol in his briefcase. Farina is a former cop but, uh, you can't bring a gun on a plane. [Reuters]
  
• Hugh Hefner wants Miley Cyrus to pose for Playboy. When she's old enough. This is what happens. Don't you feel like weeping? [The Sun]
  
• Lindsay Lohan: Seen crying at Crown Bar in West Hollywood after a fight with girlfriend Sam Ronson, awwww. [Page Six]
  
• But LL was all smiles when she worked the crowd at the Wango Tango concert and introduced Snoop Dogg. When I say Wango you say Tango! [TMZ]

• Britain's "Most Annoying Couple," Katie Price (aka Jordan) and husband Peter Andre, are moving to the US. Prepare yourself! [Rush & Molloy]
• Leonardo di Caprio and his mom arrived at an art show via bicycle. Carbon footprint be damned! [Page Six]
• Bono celebrated his 48th birthday simply: With dinner, cake and champagne for 12 on Friday night. In attendance: Brad Pitt, Monaco's Prince Albert II and The Edge. So down to earth! [People]
• Gwyneth Paltrow and Mario Batali recently filmed a documentary series, Spain... On The Road Again in which they travel through España eating, cooking and sightseeing. The show will air on PBS in the fall but there's a preview here. Apparently the formerly macrobiotic Paltrow is a "really good eater." [People]
• Gwyneth may adopt her next child because being pregnant made her feel "like a zombie." She says, "I was so ill, everything disgusted me! I wasn't able to eat or smell anything." She says "an American oprhan" would be an option. Though she could copy her bff Madonna. [Mirror]
• Blind item! "Which executive producer and creator of two hit TV comedy series doesn't do his own work? Laments one insider: 'He's content to sit back and let everyone do the writing for him when they're supposed to be his shows.'" [Rush & Molloy]
• Suge Knight got in a fight at Hollywood nightclub and was knocked out cold for three minutes. [TMZ]
• Paul McCartney and Heather Mills were granted a preliminary divorce by a London judge, bringing us all one step closer to never having to hear about it again. [People]
• A chick won Survivor! [E!]
• Ellen turned 50 on January 26, but had a delayed celebration over the weekend due to the writers' strike. Her party was carnival and casino-themed and newlyweds Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon, Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, Tom Hanks, Lindsay Lohan, Jamie Foxx, Paris Hilton and Clive Davis were in attendance. [E!]
• Madonna had to travel 37 miles from her home in London to a concert in Kent, so she went via helicopter, of course. [Mirror]
• Plus: Madonna used the F word twice during the Radio 1 Big Weekend gig, which was being broadcast live on BBC3, BBC HD and Radio 1. Whoops! [The Sun]
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes baby-sat the Beckham boys while Posh went to London to work on her clothing line and David had a soccer game. [Mirror]
• Liz Hurley canceled a photo shoot for a vodka brand so now the rumor is that she is pregnant, sigh. [Mirror]
• David Sedaris once paid sister Amy 10¢ for a chicken leg at a family dinner when they were kids. [Page Six]
• Audrina Patridge of The Hills has joined the cast of Into The Blue 2, sequel to the Jessica Alba flick. Should be awesome. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Stop, drop, shut 'em down, open up shop: Cops raided the home of rapper DMX and he's been arrested (again) on suspicion of animal cruelty and drug possession. [Mirror]
• It's official: Jimmy Fallon will replace Conan O'Brien on Late Night. Let the uncontrolled giggling begin! [NY Times]
• Hayden Panettiere has "lez lust" for Angelina Jolie. [The Sun]
• William Shatner is finally talking about his feud with Star Trek costar Leonard Nimoy: "He thought I was a real son of a bitch," Captain Kirk says. [Mirror]
• Neverland Ranch has been saved from foreclosure! Michael Jackson says that the property loan was sold to Colony Capital, a large real estate investment firm. [Reuters]
• Singer Neil Young has been honored by an East Carolina University biologist who discovered a new species of trapdoor spider and named it Myrmekiaphila neilyoungi. Neil: Mind if we bug you by saying congrats? [Reuters]
• Carrie Underwood was inducted into the Grand Ole Opry Saturday night. Membership to the Opry is invitation-only and based on the artist's commitment to the show and overall contribution to country music. So it's an honor. [E!
• Alanis Morissette hit "rock bottom" over the past two years due to "a personal unraveling of significant relationships in my life." But she used the rough patch to write songs for her new album, out in June. Plus: She's psyched to see the Sex And The City movie: "I will definitely be going to see that movie," enthused Morissette, who once guest-starred on the HBO series. "I'm the girl that would torture a few of my guy friends and bring them." [People]
• A David O. Russell political comedy starring Jessica Biel and Jake Gyllenhaal has been put on hold because of a "cash crunch," boo. [Deadline Hollywood]
• The father of American Idol contender David Archuleta is a meddler who has been banned from rehearsals. [AP]
• Justin Timberlake is executive producing an MTV show called The Phone. The series, based on a Dutch reality show, begins each episode with two hidden cell phones ringing at opposite ends of a major city. Contestants who answer the phones have five seconds to decide if they want to play along for a cash prize, and a guide on the other end of the line then gives contestants a mission to complete before time runs out. [Reuters]
• Jennie Garth will be on the 90210 spinoff! She'll play a guidance counselor at her alma mater. Eh, that would never happen. [USA Today]
• Ashton Kutcher once he met Demi he knew it was right. "I knew she was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with," he said. "I am the happiliest — I think I just invented that word — married guy on the planet." [Reuters]
• Tom Cruise's probably craptastic Nazi movie has been delayed. Again. [Times of London]
• Heath Ledger's family is bracing as E! True Hollywood Story producers have begun to work on a "tribute" to the late actor and have flown to Australia to talk to Heath's school friends and former colleagues. [News.com.au]
• Sienna Miller and Rhys Ifans are going through a rough patch and might hnot get married, sigh. [Daily Mail]
• Speed Racer crashed and burned at the box office. What a wreck. [E!]
• "I wish Halle [and the baby] all the happiness and success in the world, as that is what I'm experiencing at this point in my life." — Halle Berry's former hubby Eric Benet. [Rush & Molloy]
• "I tried to work in an office. Apparently, my clothes weren't right. I was a Gal Friday the 13th. I would answer phones and people would call up very upset. Then they'd call back screaming and yelling because I had to go to the file room and I would get sidetracked. I used to fall asleep reading the mail. I didn't want to. But it was so boring to me and I hated it." — Cyndi Lauper. [Newsweek]

• Mischa Barton claims she is a PhotoShop Of Horrors victim: A new batch of paparazzi beach shots showed her legs riddled with cellulite. "Those photos are doctored," Barton's rep, Lisa Perkins, says. "I'm not saying she's perfect, nobody is. But they've given a 22-year-old woman the legs and bottom of an 80-year-old." The pix were taken by the dude she's pissed at for snapping topless shots; the same one who ran Nicole Kidman off of the road. [Rush & Molloy]
  
• You can see the pictures here, with a regular paparazzi shot as well. Photoshop? [Daily Mail]
  
• Apparently Mariah Carey wanted a $3 million wedding with doves and orchids and Nick Cannon wanted to get married ASAP with no fuss. Mariah agreed because, as she has said, "We really do feel we are soulmates. I never felt a love like this was in the cards for me." Aww, that should be sweet but somehow it's fucking annoying. [Mirror]
  
• Lindsay Lohan: Seen doing shots of tequila with Lauren Conrad! LL turned her back so no one would see; unfortunately she was facing a window and the whole bar could see her reflection. Whoops! [Rush & Molloy]
  
• Meanwhile: You know how Lindsay had finally gotten a movie role? In that Manson Girls flick? Well she's been kicked off of the project. Producers "discovered that they couldn't find any name actresses who wanted to co-star with her," says Nikki Finke. [Deadline Hollywood via ONTD]

• It looks like officials in Malawi are all set to grant full adoption rights to Madonna. A document says: "Mr and Mrs Ritchie have shown a strong commitment in providing the infant with all essential needs like love, safe home environment, care, protection, material as well as emotional support." [Yahoo News]
• Jessica Simpson will be little sister Ashlee's maid of honor. At Ashlee's yet-to-be-scheduled wedding. [People]
• Jeremy Piven and Pink: Seen "all over each other" and "dancing really close." [Page Six]
• Alec Baldwin may want to switch careers. "In a matter of weeks, I'm going to be 50," he says. As long as he doesn't leave 30 Rock! [Page Six]
• Even though Tom Cruise told Oprah that he regrets his infamous argument on the Today show, Matt Lauer, Lauer says, "I don't think he needs to apologize. I don't feel there are any hard feelings. It was an interview. It was a good moment on television." Oh Matt. You're glib, Matt. Glib. [People]
• Jessica Alba challenges you to a staring contest. [People]
• Katie Holmes "has got the itch" to have another baby. Praise Xenu! [E!]
• Poor Uma Thurman may be in court again! Lancôme is suing Uma as a preemptive strike: Her contract as the face of the cosmetics company expired in 2005; yet her picture was seen in ads on Asian websites and on a Canadian billboard recently. [E!]
• Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt get their locks lightened by the same colorist. News you can use. [E!]
• Josh Brolin as George W. Bush. [E!]
• Daisy Lowe, 19, is loving hanging out with new boyfriend Mark Ronson, 32. Sigh. [Daily Mail via ONTD]
• Um, Chloe Lattanzi, daughter of Olivia Newton-John and contestant on Rock The Cradle, seems to have had quite a bit of collagen injected into her lips. And maybe a nose job. [ONTD]
• When Simon Cowell was a teenager, he hated school so much he was practically suicidal. He says, "I was so bored. I didn't like rules or discipline. So when someone said, 'These are the best days of your life' I actually thought about jumping off a bridge." [Mirror]
• Foxy Brown pleaded guilty to "menacing" a woman with her BlackBerry in 2007 and thereby avoided going on trial for assault. Time for a kinder, gentler Foxy! [Reuters]
• There is audio of the domestic violence 911 call involving Vanilla Ice, if you care to hear it. [The Superficial]
• Madonna is endorsing secondary ticket sales for her upcoming tour, which means if at first it seems like it's sold out, it might not be — if you have the cash. [Financial Times]
• Ashton Kutcher slept around before he met Demi Moore, surprise, surprise. [The Sun]
• Daniel Depp got his debut novel published, maybe because he is Johnny Depp's (half) brother? [Independent]
• Hot hottie Gary Dourdan of CSI has been charged with felony drug possession. Maybe I'm old but I remember him best as the gorgeous man in the Janet Jackson video. [Yahoo News]
• Rihanna kissing Chris Brown at KFC! LOL! [Concrete Loop]

• Synth! Dance beat! Breathy vocals! It's Lindsay Lohan's new track, "Bossy." And guess what? It doesn't totally suck. "Stop touching me without permission," she sings. "I'm jut a little bossy. If I want it, I get it — Now." Ha! Like that fur coat? But is the song as good as Kelis's "Bossy"? Well, LL's track was written by Ne-Yo. Lemme know what you think. I may have to listen again. And Again. And then one more time, with rollerskates on. I'm so embarrassed. [People]
  
• Meanwhile: Lindsay's dad Michael is pissed that the Mingling Moms named ex-wife Dina a "Top Mom." He says: "Are you kidding? Look at her off-screen antics, her lack of morals and how she conducts herself. She comes stumbling out of Butter at 3:15 a.m. with bloodshot eyes and a red runny nose, yelling 'Oh, [bleep],' when she saw the paparazzi." Meanwhile, Dina says: "He's on a mission to destroy me." Wow, this kind of stuff must be great for the kids to hear. [Page Six]
  
• So Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon spill all their wedding details to People, including the fact that they get along because they are 'both eternally 12 years old" and Mariah now has a "Mrs. Cannon" tattoo. [Yahoo News]

• Yeah, Amy Winehouse was arrested yesterday after video of her smoking crack and snorting cocaine made its way to police. [Rush & Molloy]
• But! Amy has already been released. She was not charged. [Reuters]
• Funnyman Craig Ferguson is writing a memoir! America On Purpose, due out next year, will touch on his addictions to drugs and booze, failed suicide attempt and career as a punk rocker. Raise your hand if you'd love to hear him read it to you. That accent! [Page Six]
• George Clooney was at the Hearst building yesterday for an Esquire photo shoot and women lost their freaking minds. [Page Six]
• After the Costume Institute gala, Jay-Z and Beyoncé — still in her ballgown — knocked on the door of a just-closed burger joint and ordered cheeseburgers and fries to go. [Page Six]
• Ashlee Simpson's boobs are big so she must be pregnant, right? "It's probably just a great bra, like any girl's secret," says her rep. [Rush & Molloy]
• Rapper DMX was arrested for driving 114 mph in a 1966 Chevy Nova. Y'all gonna make him lose his mind up in here. [TMZ]
• R. Kelly's lawyers have filed a motion to delay his trial... again. It's been five years already. [TMZ]
• "It is a sad day when an icon like Barbara Walters, in the sunset of her life, is reduced to publicly branding herself as an adulterer, humiliating an innocent family with accounts of her illicit affair and speaking negatively against me all for the sake of selling a book ... It speaks to her true character." — Star Jones. [TMZ]
• Russell Simmons and Kimora Lee's divorce is proceeding; Russell is seeking joint custody of their two daughters. Both parties are asking the court to deny spousal support for the other since they each have more money than they know what to do with. [People]
• Brooke Shields is "starring" in a new campaign from Royal Velvet towels. Think of her when you shower. [Brandweek]
• Nicole Richie says: "Joel actually changes more diapers than I do. It's his time with her. He sings to her .... He laughs with her, plays with her. It's amazing." [People]
• Who is Minnie Driver's baby daddy? Minnie hints that he is English and "sort of in the same business." OMG what if it's Eddie Izzard??? [People]
• Does Katherine Heigl want to leave Grey's Anatomy? A source says, "She's working really long hours and is ready to move on." [MSNBC]
• A portrait of Heath Ledger has won a top Australian art prize. [Reuters]
• Wil.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas says that staying away from the Beijing Olympics because of China's human rights record and crackdown on protesters in Tibet is a mistake. "America is talking out of both sides of its mouth," he says. "I know that everything I buy in America says 'Made in China' on it. So for me to just say, 'Yeah, that's right, boycott China' ... you're talking out of both sides of your mouth." [CNN]

• [Mariah Carey] is very happy. I've spoken with her and she is superb. She is over the moon. I received an email from her [Monday] and she is so happy. She really sounds like someone on her honeymoon." — Andre Leon Talley. Talley also says the wedding happened so quickly he "didn't have the time to offer her any style tips!" Underminer. [People]
  
• Britney Spears' progress impressed the court yesterday. She will now get three days of supervised visitation a week; within a month she should get overnight visits. Stay the course, girl! [TMZ]
  
• Lindsay Lohan has another job! She'll star in Labor Pains, a comedy about a young woman who pretends to be pregnant to avoid being fired. Yay for her; boo for another damn knocked up movie. Is that all women are good for? [Page Six]

• Liv Tyler didn't wear her wedding ring to the Costume Institute Gala. Add this to the sad stuff in the last Midweek Madness about getting married too young and hubby Royston Langdon being a leech on her assets, and you gotta wonder... [Rush & Molloy]
• Scarlett Johansson, however, did have a ring on her finger: The rock Ryan Reynolds gave her. [Rush & Molloy]
• Denise Richards knew her marriage to Charlie Sheen wasn't going to work when he accused Richards of poisoning their daughter with a vaccination. Yeah, I don't know. [Page Six]
• Nicky Hilton cut the buffet line at Diddy's party. "Everyone behind her rolled their eyes," says a source. [Rush & Molloy]
• Robin Williams has pledged to keep his divorce civil. Good for him! Boring for us. [People]
• Ryan Seacrest may be replacing Larry King??? Sources say he will take over Larry King Live at the end of the year. "He's the classic generalist," King says. "The only thing I don't know, and I've gotten to know him pretty well, is how versed he is in politics, world affairs. Does he read the paper? Is he interested in Iraq? Because if he is, he's going to be very good." Haha, Iraq. Raise your hand if you think Seacrest knows where it is. [MSNBC]
• Mary-Kate Olsen was submitted by Showtime as "Best Guest Actress in a Comedy Series" for her role on Weeds. She could win an Emmy! [MSNBC]
• Pete Doherty left prison with a certificate proclaiming him drug-free. (He may have made the certificate himself.) He told reporters: "I made a few friends in there and the food was all right. I can't wait to have a rum and coke. I've missed the little things like girls and cats." [Mirror]
• Terri Irwin, widow of Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin, has settled a lawsuit with creditors who claimed the zoo owed them $2.3 million. [Yahoo News]
• If you thought the Gwyneth Paltrow Vogue cover was PhotoShopped, wait till you see the GQ bobblehead cover. [PsD]
• Ugly Betty is moving to New York! I've always hated the fake-ass "Manhattan" streets they use, which are so clearly a Hollywood lot. Now New Yorkers will have Wilhelmina, Marc and Amanda sightings! [LA Times]
• So, you know the rumor that Mr. Big dies in the Sex And The City movie? Director Michael Patrick King says: "Kill Mr. Big? I would have been chased around the planet by women with torches. It's a summer movie. Why would I want to kill anyone?" [CNN]
• The new Coldplay album will be a rainbow! "Each song is our attempt to do a different colour," says Chris Martin. "It doesn't matter whether the record is good or bad. It matters that it's colourful. The songs are supposed to be flavours, things we haven't tasted before." Um, good to know. [The Sun]
• Rosie O'Donnell responded to the interview Barbara Walters gave on Oprah, saying, "I love her." [People]
• Harry Potter author JK Rowling has won her battle to ban the publication of a long-lens photograph of her son in a privacy case. One of the judges explained: "If a child of parents who are not in the public eye could reasonably expect not to have photographs of him published in the media, so too should the child of a famous parent." [Reuters]

• Did Mariah Carey have an eye job or something? She won't walk down the red carpet without her sunglasses. If so, it's probably not her first procedure; her nose and boobs seem to have changed in the past few years. [Page Six]
  
• Also: Mariah's been wearing a giant ring that gossipers want you to think is engagement-esque. And she's been hanging with Nick Cannon. [People]
  
• David Bowie and Iman's 7-year-old daughter, Alexandria, listens to Hilary Duff songs, at which point "David just leaves the room," Iman says. "He thinks she should be listening to underground music." [ONTD]

• Amy Winehouse says she's not cheating on her hubby: "Me and Blake are meant for each other, he's my man." [Mirror]
• But, um, apparently Blake Incarcerated thinks she's divorcing him and wants £3 million. These tears dry on their own. [The Sun]
• But Amy denies having an affair. [Daily Mail]
• Ashley Alexandra Dupre is suing Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis. Her statement claims that she was offered alcoholic drinks and "once intoxicated, she was induced into exposing her breasts while being filmed and told to sign a 'release' form." She was 17 at the time and not "legally competent" to enter a into a contract. She's seeking $10 million. [ET]
• Joe Francis says: "To show my appreciation, I'm sending Ashley a dozen cupcakes from Magnolia (Bakery)- assorted with sprinkles along with a card attached that says thanks for the free publicity." [Rush & Molloy]
• So yeah, Britney's back on How I Met Your Mother. Abby, the "sassy office assistant," will try and get revenge on her crush, Ted, since he's dating her boss. Yawn. [Yahoo News]
• Meanwhile, Brit's Child Custody Evaluation report, which is "several hundred" pages long, is both damaging and encouraging for Britney. [TMZ]
• Jamie Lee Curtis says of Miley's pix: "I only wish that her guardians had protected her." [People]
• Bill O'Reilly on Miley Cyrus's Vanity Fair pix: "If you have a billion dollar franchise, you don't throw it away." And what about the millions of Hannah Montana-loving kids? [Perez Hilton]
• Kathy Griffin and Apple billionaire Steve Wozniak: Dunzo. "As a matter of fact, I got an email last week from him, and he is going to marry someone else," Kathy says. "I think he might be married. I don't really know that for sure, though." [WOW]
• Tracy Ullman plays Dina Lohan on her show, State Of The Union, and says: "I think I need to get bigger, better teeth to play her... American teeth that will do her justice." [Page Six]
• Ludacris with lipstick on his collar sounds like a song. [E!
• Jason "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" Segel: Seen making out with soap star Adrienne Frantz. [Page Six]
• Kristin Bell still has her Catholic high school uniform. "I tucked that away when I was 18," she says. "I'm going to wear it on my wedding night." [Page Six]
• Pamela Anderson is now an American citizen. [Page Six]
• Dancing With The Stars' Christian de la Fuente was rushed to the hospital after being injured while dancing with Cheryl Burke. He got hurt dancing. [TMZ]
• Rocker Scott Weiland has been sentenced to 192 hours in county jail for his November DUI arrest. Good luck! [TMZ]
• Shenae Grimes, who plays Darcy on Degrassi: The Next Generation, will be joining the cast of the 90210 spinoff. I'll admit I used to watch D:TNG. The storyline where Darcy posed half naked in her cheerleader uniform and sold the pictures to some guy over the internet was crazytown. [ET]
• Is Ryan Seacrest going to get kicked off of American Idol? [MSNBC]
• A documentary fronted by Duchess of York Sarah Ferguson — in which she plays "lifestyle coach" — might be dropped from the UK's ITV after one of the participants was arrested following the discovery of the body of an 18-year-old man in her apartment. [Variety]
• Victoria Beckham's boobs are gone. Isn't that old news? [The Sun]
• Mel Gibson will be in his first feature film since 2002. He'll play a police investigator. Wouldn't it be awesome if the cop were a Jew? [Yahoo News]
• The guy accused of stalking Uma Thurman might not have broken any laws. "He loved her and possibly still does. He never wanted to annoy her, threaten her or alarm her," says his lawyer. "Creepy? Yes. Obsessed? Yes. Criminal? No." Uma is testifying in court today. [Reuters]
• Cher had a fling with Tom Cruise at the start of his career. She's 16 years older than he is! And there's a joke in there about Cher being popular with The Gays but it's best left alone. [Daily Mail]
• Janet Jackson's boobs are in the news again. She wasn't wearing a bra at the GLAAD awards and it was pretty obvious. [Daily News]
• Four words: Jimi Hendrix sex tape. Let me stand next to your fire! [NY Times]

• So. Fergie has recorded the theme song for the Sex And The City Movie and it is fucking insane. Seriously. It's a fast-paced track that uses the original instrumental music from the show, with Fergie sing-rapping lyrics like: "Shopping for labels, shopping for love... Manolo and Louis is all I'm thinking of... Emotional baggage just replace them with Dior... Let's stop chasing the boys and shop some more..." It does not appear to be a joke. You can listen to the nauseating ditty here. Just a warning: You may puke or cry or both. [People]
  
• Heidi Montag won't be at the White House Correspondents dinner because Spencer Pratt got involved and demanded first-class tickets for both of them — even though he wasn't invited. When he was denied, Spencer canceled Heidi's appearance because the event "wasn't A-listy enough." Meanwhile, Pamela Anderson, Ashlee Simpson, Pete Wentz, Hayden Panettierre, Claire Danes, Rob Lowe and Donatella Versace will all be there. Aren't you proud to be an American? [Page Six]
  
• When Ellen DeGeneres asked Ashlee Simpson,"Are you or are you not pregnant?" Ashlee said: "Well, that has been going on for quite a while. That is something that I choose personally not to discuss." In other words, yes. [People]
  
• Colin Firth and Helen Hunt were shooting an intimate scene together when someone farted. [The Sun]
  
• Amy Winehouse got drunk and tried to headbutt some dude. [Mirror]

• She also maybe punched someone else and also "snogged a mystery fella" before walking into a lamppost. [The Sun]
• Jennifer Lopez will co-executive produce, co-create and star in a TLC "docu-series" aka reality show, about how she juggles a career (including launching a new fragrance) and motherhood. Hmm, maybe with vaults of cash and lots of servants? [People]
• Also signing a deal with TLC for "unscripted" shows: Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos. [Perez Hilton]
• Star Jones filed for divorce from Al Reynolds back in March, and she's now released a statement: "Several years ago I made an error in judgment by inviting the media into the most intimate area of my life. A month ago I filed for divorce. The dissolution of a marriage is a difficult time in anyone's life that requires privacy with one's thoughts. I have committed myself to handling this situation with dignity and grace and look forward to emerging from this period as a stronger and wiser woman." What she means is: "He's gay." [Concrete Loop]
• Gisele Bundchen and Sylvester Stallone: Filming a Volkswagen commercial for Brazil? [Page Six]
• Caliente blind item! "Which gorgeous Latina actress is said to have a Sapphic relationship with her hair stylist?" [Gatecrasher]
• Wesley Snipes has asked some of his famous pals to write letters to the judge who is sentencing him for fraud. His character references include Denzel Washington and Woody Harrelson. Snipes could get three years in prison — he's set to be sentenced today. [TMZ]
• Jamie-Lynn Sigler and boyfriend Scott Sartiano: Dunzo. [People]
• Snoop Dogg is no longer banned from Britain! Huzzah! [Guardian]
• Sir Paul McCartney is £100 million richer than he claimed in his divorce hearing. When you have a lot of money, it's easy to forget about a £100 million here and there. [Telegraph]
• Anna Nicole Smith's mother is suing Anna's lawyer (Howard K. Stern) and TMZ, claiming she was defamed. Doesn't she know they defame everyone? [Reuters]
• Paris Hilton is banned from the Hyatt in Moscow for allegedly writing her name on the wall in her room with a black marker. "Miss Hilton ruined the wallpaper in the luxury suite. In such a case the client automatically goes on the black list," says a spokesperson. She shoulda stayed at the Hilton. [UPI]
• Alicia Keys has canceled two shows because of swollen vocal cords. [Reuters]
• Yes, yes, the rumors are true, one of the Gossip Girl characters is gay, and it's Eric van der Woodsen. [LA Times]
• Joe Simpson is the third wheel in Jessica and Tony Romo's relationship, gross. [MSNBC]
• Orlando Brown of That's So Raven was missing for 24 hours but has returned, saying he "felt a little lost and needed to get away." [People]
• The wife of Billy Blanks, creator of Tae Bo, has filed for divorce.They've been married since 1974, which is inspiring/depressing. [TMZ]
• Paramount Pictures is suing Don Cornelius, host of Soul Train. Something about $290,000 in debt. Back in the day, Soul Train was the shit, huh? [TMZ]
• Director Stephen Daldry is talking about bringing his 2002 film The Hours to Broadway — possibly as an opera. Yeah, hmmm. Ponder that for a minute. [Gatecrasher]
• Carrie Underwood has been cheated on once or twice but doesn't recommend property damage like her song says. [People]
• Imprisoned Pete Doherty is "surprisingly chipper." [Mirror]
• OMG is Amy Poehler pregnant??? [ONTD]

• LOL headline of the day: "Jay-Z Leaves New Wife Beyoncé At Home To Watch Basketball." OMG you guys, he went somewhere without her! [Mirror]
  
• Is Beyoncé wearing gloves so we can't see her damn wedding ring? [Concrete Loop]
  
• Amy Winehouse is the headlining act this Saturday at a festival on the Isle Of Wight. Will she shout out Blake Incarcerated? [Mirror]
  
• Rosie O'Donnell talked about her time on The View on The Martha Stewart Show yesterday: "There was people there telling me what to do. There was a little Republican who scared me." [People]
  
• A fence along the Mexican border "bears all the credibility and seriousness of flying saucers from Mars or leprechauns. Or any manner of malicious, paranoid superstition. In other words, it's bullshit. It's a complete disaster. It's an act of fascist madness." — Tommy Lee Jones. [Page Six]

• Paul McCartney is taking 4-year-old daughter Bea on vacation, and Heather Mills has extremely specific instructions as to what Bea can eat, since she's a strict vegan. Good times. [Mirror]
• A Boston priest has apologized for stalking TV host Conan O'Brien, thank God. [Reuters]
• Tom Cruise's probably-crappy Nazi movie, Valkyrie, has been pushed back a third time — it won't come out until February 2009. The flick has bad buzz, cost $90 million and isn't really finished. Box office poison? [Page Six]
• Funnyman and hot Scot Craig Ferguson is headlining the White House Correspondents Dinner, which he's calling "probably the single most dangerous gig in show business." Good luck! [Page Six]
• For Hugh Hefner's birthday, Pamela Anderson showed up in his Vegas hotel room naked and holding a cake. Medic! [Page Six]
• Ooh, decades-old gossip! Mickey Mantle maybe said Doris Day was one of the best fucks of his life. [Page Six]
• Hilary Duff dropping a scorpion down her pants in a scene from a political satire is getting lots of views on YouTube. Related: People are bored. [Page Six]
• Gossip Girl gossip: The Asian girl is off the show! Is it because Leighton Meester (Blair) didn't like her? [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which divorced celebs, who still share a PR, are driving the poor flack crazy trying to plant mean stories about each other?" [Gatecrasher]
• Sex And The City feud rumors persist: How come SJP was seated at one table and all of her costars were at a different table a gala on Monday night? [Rush & Molloy]
• By the way, Sarah Jessica Parker says sexiness comes from "confidence and brains — but I think confidence has a lot to do with it as there are a lot of versions of sexy." [Mirror]
• "Gwyneth Paltrow can eat a lot. She can eat a good amount of food for such a skinny movie star. She can out-eat me in rice dishes, like paella." —Mario Batali. [Rush & Molloy]
• Speaking of Gwynnie and food, she threw a Mexican fiesta for her son Moses, who turned two on Tuesday. "He loves guacamole," she says. [People]
• Lindsay Lohan's former bodyguard is suing her for $55,000 worth of back pay. Get those bills paid, girl! [Rush & Molloy]
• Mary-Louise Parker and Weeds costar Jeffrey Morgan have broken off their engagement. Sigh. [People]
• Patrick Swayze is having an "excellent" response to treatment for pancreatic cancer. Be well! [People]
• Nekkid Hairy Potter is coming to town! Daniel Radcliffe will debut on Broadway in September in a reprise of his London role in Equus. [ONTD]
• Richard Gere calls his kiss with Indian star Shilpa Shetty "a badge of somewhat insane courage." Meanwhile, he was in San Francisco yesterday for a pro-Tibet rally — right before the Olympic torch is due in that town today. [Reuters]
• Perez Hilton is getting his own radio show. Twice daily, for three minutes, starting May 5. [Yahoo News]

• Are not-so-secret couple Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds on the rocks? Sources say he wants to get hitched (and have kids) and she's not ready. Not ready. For Ryan Reynolds. It just doesn't seem right. [News.com.au]
  
• Naomi Campbell is banned from British Airways! How ever will she travel? Wait! Virgin Atlantic says she is welcome to fly with them. [Mirror]
  
• Brad Pitt tried to get a 95% discount on a place to stay while shooting a film in Texas — not because he's got mouths to feed, but because the film is a small-budget indie. He does have a lot of mouths to feed, though. [MSNBC]
  
• Meanwhile, Saint Angelina is on Capitol Hill with her brother James Haven, lobbying for Global Action for Children. [Politico]
  
• Is Beyoncé pregnant? Some are saying it was a shotgun wedding...just like her sister's? [Rush & Molloy]

• Kylie Minogue says that she was initially misdiagnosed: She had a mammogram and was given the all clear just a couple of weeks before she found a lump that was breast cancer. Scary. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• Actress Anna Friel, plays Chuck on Pushing Daisies, says she used to party in Kate Moss's circle. "For the lifestyle Kate's said to lead - and I don't know whether that's true - she looks incredible." [The Star]
• The mayor of Bay City, Michigan wants to give Madonna a key to the city — she grew up in the area. Twenty years ago Madonna was declined a key to the city because she was "too risqué." How times have changed. [Yahoo News]
• Gossip Girl's Chace Crawford (Nate): Now dating new cast member Michelle Trachtenberg? [Page Six]
• Kirtsen Dunst and Ryan Gosling: Went on a date. [Page Six]
• Is Britney Spears going to be the face of a Danish furniture company? Because that makes no sense. [Page Six]
• Although Britney has been more stable as of late, Kevin Federline's lawyer says overnight visits with the kids are still a ways off. [E!]
• Oprah had a parrot in a cage at Maya Angelou's 80th birthday party as an homage to the poem "I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings." WTF. [Page Six]
• Orlando Bloom will star in Disney's Prince of Persia films based on a video game of the same name. The guy just can't stay away from the costume adventure flicks. [Page Six]
• A source says that when Paris Hilton was in South Africa, "Every time [she] saw something she liked, like a woman's dress, she would ask how much it was. That included a cheetah she saw at an animal park." [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which married modelizer likes to spread the love when he's away from home? Apparently, he thinks Sydney is far enough away that his famous Mrs. won't find out." [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which A-lister toked up with his younger co-star during filming of their megablockbuster? The duo, along with the youngster's dad, smoked pot in the star's trailer, causing the crew to create a code name for when they were stoned." [Rush & Molloy]
• Mischa Barton has plea-bargained her way out of her DUI case — she's a first-time offender. [TMZ]
• Which means: No jail time and a $1,700 fine. [People]
• Samaire Armstrong, who has been in Dirty Sexy Money, The OC and Entourage, says she feels "really good" now that she is out of rehab. [People]
• Julia Roberts has a boozy, difficult sister-in-law who's causing trouble in Julia's marriage. [MSNBC]
• Does Sienna Miller want her skinny man to "tone up"? [Mirror]
• Tiffani Thiessen says she won't be in the 90210 spinoff but she is planning a spinoff if her own — she's trying to get pregnant. [People]
• Different World star Jasmine Guy has filed for divorce. Get it, Whitley! [People]