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Do We Need To Be Told How To Have Sex?
New York, 8:32 AM
Thu Dec 3
63 posts in the last 24 hours
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Do We Need To Be Told How To Have Sex? |
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11/02/09
To use an example from Jez itself, I'll wager that at least one couple had mind-blowing sex after watching Tracie's Pot Psychology tutorial on how to incorporate a vibrator into their intercourse. A lot of things aren't intuitively obvious in bed. Talking to your partner helps, but how, for example, is a woman who's never had cunnilingus performed on her supposed to know what she likes? It's not something she can do to herself. Having an educated partner would be a great help to her. #sex
11/02/09
Heartily hearted. #sex
11/02/09
I understood this as saying, not that you shouldn't develop Good Sex Skills, but that not everybody's idea of Good Sex is SEXXX. I understood this as sort of saying that being a porn star is not the only way to have good sex. #sex
11/02/09
You definitely can learn to be good at sex. I can tell when someone has put effort into being good at sex, and it makes a mindblowing-ly huge difference. Pun intended.
However, learning, in the sense I mean people should learn sex, has nothing to do with learning moves (although a few help), and everything to do with learning how to please your partner. And this is how I think people go wrong when they think they can learn sex from porn.
From my experience, the people that have been best in bed know how to read their partners. Noise is one way, but that can be problematic because many guys don't make noise and girls can fake. However, you can notice things like toes curling, muscles tensing, back arching....
If you change up what you do every so often and then watch the way your partner responds, you can learn what they like and keep doing it.
Best tip for any guy though, is get the girl off either manually or orally before actual sex starts. Getting past the first orgasm is the hardest part, and it makes coming during sex that much easier if you're already primed. #sex
11/02/09
Thumbs up to everything that preceded that, tho! Sex is like a website: it can only function well with feedback. Your point about guys being too quiet reminded me of article no. 5 in one of my favorite Craigslist posts ever:
[www.craigslist.org]
"It's OK for you to make noise. Otherwise, we feel like we are fucking a ninja." #sex
11/02/09
And I'm TOTALLY going to use that quote somewhere! Amazing! #sex
11/02/09
11/02/09
11/02/09
Really? This is shocking to me. If you're comfortable enough to get naked and let them see you from every which angle, why wouldn't you be comfortable enough to talk about how you like to have sex? They are both really intimate things to do, yes . . . I just don't see how gratifying sex can happen unless you talk about likes and dislikes at least once. #sex
11/02/09
11/02/09
Now that I've slept with a few other people, I think "good at sex" is a misnomer, and really just means you are sexually compatible. I can't orgasm through intercourse, so for me, a sexually compatible partner would be someone who enjoys going downtown. My sister, on the other hand, hates that and all foreplay. Nothing about sex is universal. What we like in bed is based our bodies, experiences, associations, personalities...etc. #sex
11/02/09
It'll never happen the way it happens on the screen, and you'll probably hurt yourself VERY badly (and maybe permanently) if you try. #sex
11/02/09
Frankly, if I could find someone to pay to teach me what to do and to help me figure out what I like, I definitely would. I just haven't turned to porn because that never seemed realistic to me. #sex
11/02/09
11/02/09
Conrad - I will definitely check out that book. #sex
11/03/09
But I bet that book wouldn't hurt either, and would probably be a little faster than trial and error. :)
Oh and, and communicating with your partner doesn't have to be explicitly instructive, or even verbal. When they're doing something you don't like, either move their hand or whatever somewhere else, or take charge and change the position or whatever's going on yourself. If you like what they're doing, give good positive feedback (I like to moan, but you could writhe or whatever comes naturally to you).
You don't have to explicitly criticize someone unless you keep moving their hand away and they keep returning to the thing you don't like for whatever reason. Then you could just be like "I prefer this instead of that." #sex
11/02/09
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11/02/09
But the spirit of your critique is right on. Sex is NOT like bowling. Though I sincerely recommend any evening that involves both activities, because they're both really fun. #sex
11/02/09
why are people afraid to be spontaneous? as other commentors have said, there are no universals here. what might work in one relationship might not in another, but if you can be open with your partner you can find out what pleases you both. #sex
11/02/09
11/02/09
Sex itself may not be the skill, but the skills you need to hone to have good sex (communication, awareness, sensuality, etc.) will, when learned, only make you a more capable and comfortable human being. Sex just gives you a reason--orgasms are like nature's reward for empathy. And exercise. #sex
11/02/09
11/02/09
Although, growing up I was a huge Pynchon fan, and probably would've guessed normal sex should involve 7 people, 7 types of acid, food, animals, and Impolex G. #sex
11/02/09
11/02/09
11/02/09
Look, I don't think we need "sex practice" or someone standing there giving us instructions. Once we get the basic idea, the fun is in the exploration. Sometimes you'll do it well, sometimes you won't, but you'll learn as you go. And frankly, the only person you have to please is yourself and your partner, and as long as you do that, who cares how you do it? #sex
11/02/09
11/02/09
His response "I've never had any complaints before!"
Dumped. #sex
11/02/09
This one is always delight.Or the guys under the impression that every single woman they've ever slept with (before you) was somehow part of the tiny minortiy that can orgasm without a vibrator or manual stimulation. No honey, they're more likely part of the other, unfortunate minority of women who fake it. #sex
11/02/09
11/02/09
...and then he said it AGAIN. #sex
11/02/09
11/02/09
Yeah guy, the reason why you haven't had any complaints is that it's probably just easier to dump your overly confident ass. Again and again. And again. #sex
11/02/09
11/02/09
I have a guy friend who insists that he has never had a girl not cum from the humpty-hump sex alone.
Me: Um....No. Some girls can. Most cannot. That is statistically unlikely.
Him: But they always say I am the best they ever had.
Me: *Pat on the back*. You poor boy. #sex
11/03/09
11/10/09
11/10/09
tool. #sex