I feel a little dirty about it, but I kind of couldn't take my eyes off of Jacob Bernstein's Daily Beast profile of Uchitel. Partly this is because she had a pretty interesting life, punctuated by tragedy. Her dad died of coke addiction, and her fiance died on 9/11. Then she fought his parents over his money, saying, "Money doesn't necessarily compensate, but in this society that's what we use to compensate. What else is there unless they're going to give me some knight in shining armor?" Then she married another guy, divorced after four months, and over time became "a concierge, a consiglière who made sure VIPs were being taken care of over the course of the night." Bernstein's description of Uchitel at this point in her life reads like an especially sleazy detective novel:

By the time [club owner Jason Strauss] became involved with Uchitel (and gave her a job, first at his club Tao in Vegas, then in New York at Marquee), the club wasn't truly exclusive, though it was certainly expensive.

The same description could be used to describe Uchitel. As far as her looks went, Uchitel was no runway model, but she was sexy in the slightly overprocessed way that her job demanded, with a taste for Christian Louboutin heels and a body that was, at least of late, widely believed to be surgically enhanced. When Uchitel's relationship with Strauss busted up, she dusted herself off and moved on to other late-night locales, where she earned a reputation for being savvy and hardworking, albeit with sharp elbows and a bit too much drama.

She was the kind of dame you could have, for a price. But as the golfer later learned, that price was far too high. Cue saxophones. Seriously, though, Rachel Uchitel's story actually gets even more noirish than this. Bernstein cites our brother site Deadspin's claim that Uchitel was not just a mistress, but in fact a procurer of women for Woods. A.J. Daulerio (of cheetah fame) wrote that "Uchitel's main job was to provide women for Tiger during his globetrotting excursions to various tournaments, charity functions and fuck-and-run private-jet weekends with his Fortune 500 party pals that he seemed to enjoy so much." He also quotes an anonymous source who says, "Rachel Uchitel works for Tiger the minute he gets off the plane wherever he is: from dinner, to photos, to nightclubs, to drugs, to girls - whatever he wants," and "her agenda is to land big clients - not big boyfriends."

Bernstein, however, goes on to dispute this account. He writes,

[S]ubsequent reporting from both the National Enquirer (which initially broke the story of Woods' affair with Uchitel) and The Daily Beast indicate she was more mistress than madam. "I don't think she was doing anything illegal," says the nightclub source. Adds the publicist with ties to the nightlife world: "She's not a person I'd want to hang out with, but she's not low end or really sleazy. I think she's basically a girl looking for a rich husband." Says a third source: "If she introduced him to women, I doubt it went much further than that [i.e. bringing them over to his table to make an introduction]."

So is Rachel Uchitel just "a girl looking for a rich husband," a knight in AmEx armor? Or is she in fact a businesswoman whose job it is to provide powerful men with willing women (a practice that, it's worth noting, is not illegal if the women aren't explicitly paid)? The answer matters for a couple of reasons. First, if Uchitel is, as Daulerio claims, one of many procurers of her ilk, then an especially sordid side of sports culture could be exposed. Daulerio writes,

Athletes have utilized the VIP service to engage in their affairs (and meet possible mistresses) for the sake of (supposed) privacy, philandering without the hassle of having to do any work themselves to land these women. It's a dirty business all around. But what to do now, since Tiger has gone and messed it up for a bunch of people who were pretty safe from prying eyes and camera lenses whenever they stepped out on their wives and girlfriends during Vegas weekends?

It's no surprise that pro athletes and other powerful men have lots of secret sex. And really, it's also not a shock that there could be an entire cottage industry devoted to ferrying women back and forth from the table at a club to an athlete's hotel room, all while making sure everyone involved stays discreet. But if that discretion breaks down — as it has for many of Woods's mistresses but not yet for Uchitel — then sex for powerful men might become a little more like sex for normal people. They might have to actually work to hide it.

The nature of Uchitel's relationship with Woods also has implications for how we view her. Woods's other mistresses haven't come off particularly well in the wake of the whole car-crash-golf-club episode. They've generally been portrayed as interchangeable dumbasses — Daulerio's word is "bubbleheads" — who thought Tiger would love them forever and who are now clinging to his reflected fame (to be fair, the reflected-fame part may be true). If Uchitel's main role was to sleep with Woods, she'll be tarred with this brush. But if, in fact, she was orchestrating a highly organized system to satisfy Woods's appetites and keep those appetites a secret, and if she holds behind her still-zipped lips not only his secrets but the secrets of other men who have used this system, then she's a lot more threatening. And the whole media narrative of the Woods affair — one of stupid women gulled by an unscrupulous man — takes an interesting new turn. Cue saxophones.

The Real Rachel Uchitel [Daily Beast]
Chaos In Tigerland: A Deadspin Investigation Into The Sexual Habits Of Pro Athletes [Deadspin]

Matt Lauer says stay-at-home mom Cori Rist decided to appear on Today "to set the record straight," and Rist echoes this sentiment when she says, "I felt like I needed to defend myself." She does emphasize that Tiger Woods never paid her for sex, that she's not "a hooker or a prostitute," and that members of his entourage knew about their affair, but she doesn't really add all that much to "the record." Rist says she needs to "set an example" for her seven-year-old son, and perhaps her appearance is an effort to, as she says, "take responsibility for the things I've done." But while she publicly apologizes to Elin Nordegren, the apology is unlikely to be all that comforting, and there doesn't seem to be much need for Rist to "take responsibility" on television. In fact, at this point it's hard not to suspect some of Woods's mistresses of self-promotion.

As Givhan pointed out yesterday, the act of speaking publicly as a former Woods mistress does have costs. The media and viewers alike disparage them, viewing them not only as morally loose but as "interchangeable commodities." Givhan writes,

Whatever might have occurred between Woods and all these women might never be fully known, and frankly, that's the way it should be. But for all the careful parsing of Woods's character, the attempts to reconcile his public persona with what might have been going on in the shadows, the women are being lumped into broad categories. They are being stereotyped as usual suspects for this sort of behavior.

It's a fair point, especially when people are joking of Tiger that, "If all his mistresses look the same, why didn't he just choose one?" Just because they looks similar doesn't make them the same, and even if Woods pursued them because they fit a certain physical type, that doesn't mean blondness is all they have to offer anyone. It's also true that their occupations — some are cocktail waitresses or former models — don't say anything about their intelligence or morals (a mistake we've been accused of making). But their jobs do make them a lot less famous than Tiger — meaning that, in some ways, they have less to lose.

Rist and other women in her position face some public censure and mockery. Even Givhan's not immune, saying of Woods's porn-star entanglements, "It seems fair to say that if you have chosen porn as your life's work, you are content with being judged as slimy, stereotyped as skeevy and maligned as sleazy." But unlike Woods, they don't have lucrative endorsement deals with Accenture to lose. And they may have something to gain — especially since famous other-woman Ashley Dupre now has a newspaper column. Rist says that unlike Woods's other mistresses, "I wasn't looking to get anything out of the relationship," and that may be true — when she broke down on Today, it felt genuine. But the Today show and other media outlets are certainly looking to get ratings out of Tiger Woods's relationships, and women who until now lived in relative obscurity may find the exposure tempting.

The Tiger Woods Scandal Is A Tale Of Sex — And Sexism [Washington Post]
Big Risk In A One-Man Brand Like Tiger Woods [NYT]

[Kingsbarns, Scotland; September 30. Image via Getty.]

[Bethlehem, July 9. Image via Getty]

BETHLEHEM, PA - JULY 09: Hee Young Park of South Korea watches her tee shot on the 2nd hole during the first round of the 2009 U.S. Women's Open at Saucon Valley Country Club on July 9, 2009 in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Streeter Lecka/Getty Images)

[Auckland, New Zealand; April 21. Image via Getty]

AUCKLAND, NEW ZEALAND - APRIL 21: Phoebie Perrin and Faye Amy Nickson of Waitangi laugh during the New Zealand Women's Amateur Championship at Remuera Golf Club on April 21, 2009 in Auckland, New Zealand. (Photo by Hannah Johnston/Getty Images)

[Kailua, Oahu, Hawai'i; December 29. Image via Getty]

US President-elect Barack Obama warms up on the driving range before a round of golf with friends December 29, 2008 at the Mid Pacific Country Club in Kailua, Hawaii. AFP PHOTO / TIM SLOAN

MOE: Whoa 8:45 on the dot!
ON THE NOSE.
MEGAN: That's impressive!
MOE: I'm never on time!
MEGAN: Me neither!
MOE: So guess what? I thought I made this reservation to fly to Seattle tomorrow and it turns out the reservation is for today and tomorrow's flight is sold out, and tonight's flight is sold out!
MEGAN: Hey, I've never been to Seattle and I've always meant to go and I totally actually did that once, only I didn't find out until an hour after the flight actually left. I felt like the world's largest idiot.
MEGAN: Anyway, so the British judges ruled in favor of the Nazi sado-masochistic orgy guy in his lawsuit against the tabloids, because I know we were all on the edges of our seats about that.
And Rudy Giuliani's annoying male progeny is suing Duke for kicking him off the golf team because it will ruin his plans to become a professional golfer. You know, his shitty golfing won't, but Duke cutting him would. Apple, tree in terms of sheer annoyingness and hubris.
MOE: Um, does his mean young people actually might bother voting in this election?
That's a story about an attack ad the Let Freedom Ring foundation is running on MTV. Um, do conservatives ever do youth outreach? Also, in this campaign? What? Also, as attack ads go, it's pretty tame. And cost like $13 to produce.
MEGAN: God, I love the names of bullshit conservative groups! There's always some play on freedom, freedom to own guns and have your religious beliefs imposed on others and to not pay taxes, just not freedom of speech and right of assembly and to IM without the government reading it and to have an abortion.
MOE: Duke is one of those schools that could probably turn a lot of decent impressionable young conformists into abject douchebags but Andrew Giuliani probably had an advantage. He's suing the Duke golf team for booting him off in a "bizarre scheme"…
A bizarre scheme otherwise known as "What can I say, I got sick of the little bitch."

The suit contends the new coach, O.D. Vincent, wanted to reduce the size of the team and trumped up or exaggerated "minor" incidents as an excuse to cut Giuliani. Vincent, who had caused a stir at UCLA when his team there posed naked - holding ball baskets - in Golf Digest, accused Giuliani of driving out of a parking lot too fast, tossing a putter, busting a driver and throwing an apple at a teammate during an argument.

MEGAN: I think that throwing shit at people is generally grounds for getting kicked off of shit.
MOE: I predict success for young Andrew, because it is Duke and as everyone knows money pretty much buys you whatever there.
MEGAN: Well, there and everywhere else.
MOE: Yeah Duke is just apparently particularly bad, according to that story about rich dumb kids whose parents get courted on special fundraising tours starting when they are like 12.

Cissy Bunn acknowledges her daughter didn't fit the academic profile of a Duke student. "She's bright, she had good grades, but she doesn't meet the superstar status," Mrs. Bunn says. "Did my normal child take the place of somebody who could really make a difference in the world? Sure, yes, to an extent. But there are so many things you can lose sleep over. I'm happy for me and my child."

MEGAN: My alma mater has a special 2-year program for stupid little rich kids (and the occasional person with actual potential). It gets them a group of students that will pay full tuition and doesn't need financial aid, but lowers the average SAT scores of the university so much that they take those students out when reporting it to US News & World Report, so the magazine won't rank us anymore.
MOE: Anyway, I just remembered that story because it was kinda truly gross. Like, if elite boarding school and private tutors can't land you a 1300 on your SATs I am sorry but nothing will and you belong fucking elsewhere.
(I say that as a former private SAT tutor who managed to coax 1300s out of some reeeeeally rambunctious kids.)
MEGAN: SATs are a bullshit test anyway. Standardized tests are a tool of the Man, which is why I did so well on them. It's a matter of whether you know or have learned how to game the system. I think it's not that someone like that isn't smart, it's that she doesn't feel like she has to try because she'll get what she wants anywhere, so there's no need to learn how to game the system.
MOE: (I didn't realize at the time I should have been buying their Ritalin off them.)
MEGAN: It's sort of like how financial institutions figured that even if they fucked up hard core the government would still bail them out, so there was no need to practice self-regulation or risk-management, since there was little risk.
MOE: That's a fair point. I mean, I personally hated the "system gaming" stuff because it was like, "No the point of this test is to see whether you know implicitly how to game the system." So I just basically told the kids CONCENTRATE. And focused on critical reading and vocab. One kid asked me if I had been watching too much Dawson's Creek.
I wonder what Maude Bunn is doing these days! I bet she's on Facebook.
MEGAN: I never watched Dawson's Creek. I think the WB didn't come in so well on my TV at college. But James VanDerBeek or whatever went to my sister's college before he made it, if being on one show is considered "making it."
I mean, it's better than I've ever done, but then I'm kind of a shit actor even when I'm a decent liar.
MOE: I think that's a big deal if only because without Dawson's Creek we never would have had Television Without Pity.
One of the most important cultural institutions of our time.
And I say that as someone who doesn't even watch TV.
MEGAN: Which sucks now that Bravo bought and redesigned it.
MOE: Well, that would suck even more if I watched TV. So did you check that Erik Wemple item about how the Washington Post's 97-part Chandra Levy series is quite possibly doing better pageview-wise than their Pulitzer-winning Walter Reed series? Although there is no actual data they are releasing to support this so it is fundamentally speculation? Speculation based on no underlying grievances or suspicions whatsoever??
MEGAN: Oh, by the way, Michael Savage is "clarifying" his shitty stupid assholic remarks on autism being a fake disease. It turns out that the uptick in diagnoses is due to doctors and drug companies peddling their wares like they did with ADHD, even though there are no drugs to treat autism. I hate that fucking guy. Fuck him, someone, please find him and beat him about the head.
Also, OF COURSE it's doing better, it's seriously written like at a 3rd grade reading level and published in like easily-digestable chunks and containing little in the way of actual new information. Like, you keep waiting to learn something and then never do if you read anything about it
MOE: I mean, is one thing to joke that, like, fibromyalgia or bipolar disorder is fake, but autism? Did he miss that Babysitter's Club? Also, in all seriousness, what are they prescribing to the autistic kids? I mean, I don't know nothing, but if it's SSRIs that's sort of a racket. Beyond that, regarding the Post, you know how carefully I monitor the Most-Viewed list because it provides a hilarious counterpart to the New York Times Most Emailed List. And right now Chandra is #5. I really think most of the Dana Priest investigations did better than that. The real mystery is Public Enemy Robert Novak, whose column — syndicated column! — is always like #1 or #2 for at least a few hours.
MEGAN: Also, you heard, the guy Bob Novak hit was a homeless dude? And he really did roll onto the hood and fall off and Novak drove away? I'm like, for real-real? You hit a guy at rush hour and figure no one will notice? What did he think this was, New York?
MOE: (Oh and guys! I know bipolar is real!! As is fibromyalgia! But it is true that bipolar is way over-diagnosed so the pharmas can maximize the profits on their schizophrenia meds before they lose their patents, so that is all I am saying!)
MEGAN: Also, I don't think that most autism patients are on medication. My cousin isn't. It doesn't really work like that, not that Michael Savage fucking knows because he knows so little about it.
MOE: You know who makes me appreciate our beloved commenters more? Yglesias's!
MEGAN: Oh, totally, his commenters all hate him. Oh, wait. Did I mention that I've been here long enough — 9 months since I first wrote for you guys — that I have commenters that hate me too?
MOE: Hahaha I thought they all loved you! They are always like "Megan is a captain of industry and Moe is the one who says outrageous shit that doesn't even make sense," which anyway, brings me to Savage, and his "autistic kids are just little brats who obviously need a good spanking" line of argument. And shit like this will resonate with folks who wonder what happened to the days when you used to grin and bear it and not belabor things — shit, not even talk about things — and everyone sort of fell in line, except that one kid in every family who just sorta became a "black sheep" or a hermetic spinster or an alcoholic or a suicide case…you know? And I basically think most of it comes back to the economy. Anyway
You got bumped off over there?
We should probs address the Berlin speech.
MEGAN: Yes, I got bumped off but I am back and, actually, that speaks to the issue in my family because my cousin who has Asperger's syndrome, his grandmother on the other side of the family was like, whatever, you're just coddling him, his father was the same way and everyone on our side of the family was like, ohhhhhhh.
Yes, Berlin. 200,000 screaming Germans. We should all be friends! Hooray.

Very edifying, but the truth is, the LPGA' profile has been rising in recent years, with the advent of stars like Michelle Wie and clothes that, while perhaps not up to Dieter's glamor standard, are considerably more stylish than they were just a few years ago.

But whatever my reservations, the golfers seem psyched. "It was nice to feel glamorous," says Kim Hall, one of the seven. "I'd rather be known for my golf, but it's a bonus when you're considered attractive. It's flattering. It's kind of nice to be one of the 'cute' ones." Says four-time major winner Meg Mallon: "Sounds like a lot of fun to me. I'm for anything that extends the boundaries of our sport, creates additional interest and makes new fans. Once we get people interested in our sport, we keep them. I don't know why anybody would have a problem with that."

Okay, I don't have a problem with that. And I'm glad the models are having fun with it. And for the record, anything that puts healthy role models out there is not all bad. But the thing is this: Venus and Serena Williams or Maria Sharapova are famous athletes who happen to have fun with fashion. These golfers are largely unknown to the public and would be models first. Besides which, they have been selected purely on the basis of looks, not ranking (although they're obviously all accomplished.)

Maybe none of this would bother me if "Dieter Esch" wasn't like a parody of a fashion douchebag throughout the entire article. Of the search for the girls? "I wanted them to look attractive, I wanted them to look sexy." Later: "What I hope for the Wilhelmina 7, I hope that they get exposure beyond golf. It's about style and fashion too. I want people to come out to the golf course and say, 'What are they wearing this weekend?' Well, Dieter, thanks to you they're wearing bikinis. Which I'm sure a lot of people are happy to look at — but I'm guessing they're not golf enthusiasts.
Modeling agency trying to add glamour to LPGA Tour[Los Angeles Times]
Lady Golfers Fashion Forward[Blackbook]

• Oh, Britney, Britney, Britney. Front, back. Front, back. We know: It's complicated! [People.com]
  
• Sweet revenge! Jennifer Lopez's former assistant has been hired away from her by her husband Marc Anthony's ex-wife, Dayanara Torres. Secrets revealed, copious tears to come. [Radar]
  
• President Bush's watch has gone missing somewhere in Albania. If you have any leads on the missing timepiece, feel free to call anyone you know and tell them. It's easy to report things to the government when we're all being wiretapped! [Daily Mail]
  
• Anne Heche may be crazy, but she's retained custody of her child. [TMZ]
  
• Ok, so not only did tuberculosis dude know he had TB before hopping on an airplane, now his family is being difficult with health officials. This is no way to win friends and influence people. [CNN]

• It's been a long day and we nearly burst into tears upon reading this one: A deaf, captive dolphin has given birth to a calf, and marine biologists have installed a voice box in a rehab center so that the newborn can still learn to "speak" normally. [CNN]
• Oh the things you do when you know you're headed out of office! Like, uh, call the press a "feral beast." Nice work, Tony Blair! [NYT]
• In England, a snooker player beat up a ref! We report only on this because we're mildly fascinated by snooker. Not so much the game, but the word. Which we think is hilarious. And incidentally rhymes with lucre and not booker. [BBC]
• Any man who would divorce long-time girl crush Catherine Keener is a fool. [USA Today]
• English golf clubs not must allow women to drink in their bars. Well, phew! That's a big one! Glad we knocked that one out of the way before, oh, equal pay for equal work! [Guardian]
• Three U.S. casualties identified today. [DoD]