Gold's Gym - Jezebel

posts about #goldsgym more →
Celebrity Trainer Claims She's A "Survivor"
Gold's Gym Hates Your Legs

Your version of Internet Explorer is not supported. Please upgrade to the most recent version in order to view comments.

Dsmvwl Admin Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×

julieannie
07/13/09

In reply to Celebrity Trainer Claims She's A "Survivor"
I know I survived cancer and all but sadly I won't be a survivor until I rid myself of cankles. Thankfully, Ms. Braganza has brought cankle awareness to the forefront where it belongs and now all women can be cankle-free! I only hope I caught it early enough to fully recover.
Reply

julieannie was starred julieannie was unstarred

CurtCole
07/13/09

In reply to Celebrity Trainer Claims She's A "Survivor"
CurtCole presents Gold Gym's New Theme Song, after Do They Know It's Christmas Time by BandAid

It's Workout Time

There's no need to bite your ankle

At Workout time, we let in clothes and we banish cankles

And in our world of plenty we can stop eating food with joy

Throw your arms around an exercise ball at Workout Time

But say a prayer

Pray for the cankled ones

At Workout Time it's hard, and you're not having fun

Starve the world

Let them know it's Workout time again

repeat then fade

Reply

CurtCole was starred CurtCole was unstarred

save jinger
07/13/09

@CurtCole: Well, tonight thank God they have cankles instead of youuuuuuuu!
Reply

save jinger was starred save jinger was unstarred

CurtCole
07/13/09

@CurtCole: oops, meant for that to go under dreamweave's comment about MoGlo's comment, would have made a lot more sense. oh, well.
Reply

CurtCole was starred CurtCole was unstarred

save jinger
07/13/09

@CurtCole: Apparently it didn't register to me that the song was a really random choice without context...
Reply

save jinger was starred save jinger was unstarred

wednesdayam
07/13/09

In reply to Celebrity Trainer Claims She's A "Survivor"
Yeah, way to make folks feel uncomfortable about something they often times can't help, as there are thicker ankles due to things like muscle mass and tendon placement that often times cannot be resolved through even being in the best of shape. Bless you, Gold's Gym, and your lack of indoor swimming pools that keeps me going to 24 Hour Fitness instead - best real excuse ever to never frequent your place.
Reply

wednesdayam was starred wednesdayam was unstarred

Devonna
07/13/09

In reply to Celebrity Trainer Claims She's A "Survivor"
Are we now back in the 19th century when a well-turned ankle was one of the heights of sexual allure? What's next, doing herkeys in corsets?
Reply

Devonna was starred Devonna was unstarred

Grim Reaper of the Forest
07/13/09

In reply to Celebrity Trainer Claims She's A "Survivor"
So, has anyone heard of a new training regime to slenderize your knuckles? I've tried everything, but no luck.
Reply

BabyJane
07/13/09

@Grim Reaper of the Forest: I haven't focused on my knuckles yet as I'm too busy trying to slim down my earlobes.
Reply

BabyJane was starred BabyJane was unstarred

kate79
07/13/09

@Grim Reaper of the Forest: Is there a word yet for fat knuckles? Can we call them fuckles?
Reply

kate79 was starred kate79 was unstarred

Grim Reaper of the Forest
07/13/09

@kate79: Please let's call them fuckles.
Reply

pantsless economist...access RESTORED
07/13/09

In reply to Celebrity Trainer Claims She's A "Survivor"
Stop trying to make cankles happen. It's not going to happen.
Reply

hortense
07/13/09

In reply to Celebrity Trainer Claims She's A "Survivor"
Hahaha, your faux-inspirational story sucks as much as your now-in-Oakland football team!
Reply

hortense was starred hortense was unstarred

la.donna.pietra
07/13/09

@hortense: Hush you. I will always love the Raiders.
Reply

la.donna.pietra was starred la.donna.pietra was unstarred

spunkay
07/13/09

In reply to Celebrity Trainer Claims She's A "Survivor"
Man... I never knew cankles were deadly! Or, that they were remotely threatening at all.
Reply

spunkay was starred spunkay was unstarred

Taigan
07/13/09

In reply to Celebrity Trainer Claims She's A "Survivor"
While it's truly uplifting to hear how she fixed her dreaded cankles, I really want to know when she's going to work on that irony deficiency. I can't be the only one who read this article and realized that the journalist wrote it with one eyebrow raised the entire time.

I love the fact that you could sub in "diabetes" or some other actual condition and the article's tone would still be appropriate.
Reply

Taigan was starred Taigan was unstarred

Rooo sez BISH PLZ
07/13/09

In reply to Celebrity Trainer Claims She's A "Survivor"
I believe my username will convey the requisite disdain to this woman who feels it necessary to disparage women (notice it is never men who are mocked for alleged canklage) who happen to be genetically predisposed to the same lower leg shape as our SECRETARY OF STATE.

Not enough eyerolls in my cabinet, especially on a Monday.
Reply

Rooo sez BISH PLZ was starred

bluebirdred
07/13/09

In reply to Celebrity Trainer Claims She's A "Survivor"
It's a shame that the majority of cankles (including mine) are rendered purely by GENETICS.
Reply

bluebirdred was starred bluebirdred was unstarred

Zombie Ms. Skittles
07/13/09

@bluebirdred: Please. It is common knowledge that if you are a good enough person and work hard enough, you can completely alter your genetics. Clearly, you're just a lazy ho.
Reply

my cousin is an ape
07/13/09

@Zombie Ms. Skittles: Just like a giraffe, a la Lemarck (Or these crazy people: http://www.whyevolution.com/giraffe.html )
Reply

bluebirdred
07/13/09

@Zombie Ms. Skittles: Heh. The sorry thing is, this gal will probably make tons of $$ off those poor souls who think you can actually do something with their cankles. *sigh*
Reply

bluebirdred was starred bluebirdred was unstarred

Zombie Ms. Skittles
07/13/09

@my cousin is an ape: Oooh I remember reading that theory the first time in a book about how Evolution is WRONG! WRONG WRONG WRONG! Then again biology class as an example of how that theory was stupid.
Reply

pandorasmittens
07/13/09

In reply to Celebrity Trainer Claims She's A "Survivor"
"I knew that if I did not find a way to get rid of my problem area, I might not make it back on the squad," she said.

I highly doubt that beautiful ankles are very high on the requirement list to be an NFL cheerleader.
Reply

pandorasmittens was starred pandorasmittens was unstarred

veronykah
07/13/09

@pandorasmittens: Don't they usually wear huge cankle covering scrunchy socks with athletic shoes?
Reply

veronykah was starred veronykah was unstarred

MissMoneypenny
07/13/09

In reply to Celebrity Trainer Claims She's A "Survivor"
I was probably 20 or 21 when I first heard the work "cankles." It will always make me think of that scene in Mean Girls where they're all looking in the mirror criticizing obscure parts of themselves, and the Linday Lohan character marvels that there are things to be ashamed of on her body that she never even thought of.

Like on top of everything else, I have to change major aspects of my lifestyle and devote time and energy to making my ANKLES look ok.
Reply

Edited by MissMoneypenny at 07/13/09 9:51 AM MissMoneypenny was starred MissMoneypenny was unstarred

morninggloria
07/13/09

In reply to Celebrity Trainer Claims She's A "Survivor"
How are we still sending aid to Africa when literally thousands of people in America are infected by the cankles epidemic? Yes, AIDS is tragic, but it doesn't force others with lithe ankles to gaze at your lower leg flab. This is a social problem that needs to be addressed. Immediately.
Reply

morninggloria was starred morninggloria was unstarred

PilgrimSoul
07/13/09

@morninggloria: This new commenting system really needs a thumbs-up function.
Reply

Edited by PilgrimSoul at 07/13/09 9:54 AM PilgrimSoul was starred PilgrimSoul was unstarred

dreamweave
07/13/09

@morninggloria: Can we get Lionel Richie on this? The Cankle Epidemic is the only thing in recent history to justify "We Are the World II: Stop Cankles Now"
Reply

dreamweave was starred dreamweave was unstarred

jemandtheholograms
07/13/09

@morninggloria: I'm getting on the phone with my publicist now--there needs to be a celebrity studded concert to raise awareness.
Reply

jemandtheholograms was starred

mepo - Robert Cornhole invented it
07/13/09

@morninggloria: Chris Martin is writing about the cankle epidemic on his hand in black biro as we speak.

I fear cankle flu so have been wearing a face mask.
Reply

Santos L Halper
07/13/09

In reply to Celebrity Trainer Claims She's A "Survivor"
Deep in the Amazonian jungle, Ramona waded through the murky waters of the vast river, emerging infected with cankles. She treated them the best she could, using vines to bind the cankles, in hopes that they would not morph into the dreaded thunderthighitis. She came across the elusive Goldsgymian tribe, who helped treat her affliction with deep lunges. She now has thin ankles once again, and a true survivor's story to tell the world.
Reply

Santos L Halper was starred Santos L Halper was unstarred

Rooo sez BISH PLZ
07/13/09

@Santos L Halper: Yeah. Didn't they name that movie "Anaconda" or something?
Reply

Rooo sez BISH PLZ was starred

Earlier threads | All threads | Show hidden threads | Show featured threads only | Start a new discussion

#goldsgym

Jezebel

SUBSCRIBE TO Jezebel

Celebrity Trainer Claims She's A "Survivor"

Gold's Gym Hates Your Legs

Login

Reset Password

Register

Submit Your Comment