• "It's not up to him to give her lessons; Michelle Obama is of her time; Oscar de la Renta is no longer," scoffed designer Azzedine Alaïa. Ooh, breaking: Oscar is on the View now. [WWD]

• The Gap will just not cease to exist, releasing new monthly sales figures even as no one acknowledges it anymore. How do you get an 18% decrease from March 2007 when the last known Gap shopper bought her last Macau-made $4.90 tank top in 2003? The Gap will manage to report disappointing sales long after…

Dear new Gap CEO Glenn Murphy,
Happy first day on the job! Soooo, your company's a piece of shit, and the industry seems reeeeallly confident in your ability to turn things around. NOT! To quote the New York Post's "insider" (we're sure she didn't mean to misspell your name!) you don't know an "armhole from a sock." "It's…