• In her new documentary, in addition to all the stuff about Groundhog Day, Britney Spears also talks about Kevin Federline: "I think I married for the wrong reasons. Instead of following my heart and doing something that made me really happy, I just did it for the idea of [marriage and] everything." Knowing is half the battle! [Perez Hilton, NY Daily News]
• Watch promos for Britney's documentary. In one, she says, "I… look back and I think, I'm a smart person. What the hell was I thinking?" [Perez Hilton]
• Someone else says of Valkyrie: "The film just isn’t a thriller at all. It’s a bunch of white guys in Nazi uniforms." And yes, Tom has an American accent. [MSNBC]
• Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson: on the rocks. Last night in London, LL danced with her ex, Calum Best, whom Moe used to call Calum Worst. Anyways, Sam was pissed and stormed off in a huff. Lindsay was seen with tears in her eyes. Sniff. [The Sun]

• Tom Cruise gives the infamous Heil Hitler salute in his new flick, Valkyrie, and some find it hilarious. "It’s an unsettling scene but you almost start to laugh," a source says. "His character is resisting it but you never forget it’s Tom Cruise saying 'Heil Hitler.' It’s funny and shocking at the same time." [MSNBC]
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes celebrated their second anniversary a day early at home in Los Angeles with daughter Suri, 2, as well as Isabella, 15, and Connor, 13, yawn yawn yawn. [People]
• Beyoncé is still in shock about dancing with Justin Timberlake on Saturday Night Live: "I still can't believe he did that. He was incredible," she says. "We rehearsed it two times. He picked up the choreography. He has this photographic memory. He could probably kill it if he wanted to." OMG yes! Does anyone smell a tour? [People]
• Alec Baldwin on kissing Jennifer Aniston for 30 Rock: "It was painful. I mean, every man who's had to make out with her in TV and movies — I don't know how they do it." Baldwin was also asked if unstable women are better in bed. "That's assuming I've been with crazy women," he said. "If I answer that question in the affirmative, that would type a woman I've been with as being crazy, which I don't really feel like doing. But I hear it's true. I hear from my friends it's true. I will say this on the record," he said before fleeing. "I've never slept with a crazy man." [NY Mag]
• Brad Pitt is on Oprah today! He'll be telling O how fatherhood has changed him: "[I'm] tough as nails. I’m impervious to poo, snot, urine, vomit. You can’t get me. You cannot break me down." [E!]
• Angelina on breastfeeding twins: "It's very hard. I stopped at three months, [it was] about as much as I could do. There's this football hold – it's a lot harder than it looks in the books. I did that a few times. I would take turns. It just takes a long time." [People]
• Are Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin on the rocks? She went to the Victoria's Secret show in Miami, and a source bitches: "She spent the summer filming a TV show in Spain with Mario Batali and now, instead of hanging out with her husband, she goes to a Victoria's Secret show? Really? Gwyneth doesn't have anything to do with Victoria's Secret. If things were so great with Chris, why wouldn't she be with him?" [Page Six]
• The Heath Ledger/freelancer/video lawsuit is a go. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Warner Bros has rolled out its first Oscar specific ad, a "For Your Consideration" poster urging awards voters to nominate Heath Ledger's performance as The Joker for an Academy Award. They're comparing his role to that of Anthony Hopkins, who won in 1992 for playing Hannibal Lecter in The Silence of the Lambs. [News.com.au]
• Billy Ray Cyrus says Miley Cyrus and her pal Justin Gaston are great together: "I'll tell you what – they are great friends, and they make a good team. They write a lot of songs together, and they sing – it's incredible. I always tell her that as long as she's having fun, then it's working." Wait, what? [Perez Hilton]
• Miley says: "I think you have to be really careful about the people you trust." And what about Justin Gaston? "He's a singer, he's really cute, and he's nice and he's a Christian and I really like that." [People]
• More from Miley! "I would want to be on a reality show like The Real World because I think that's crazy. Anyone who would do that has some serious guts." She says being followed everywhere by paparazzi "is like a free reality show, I just don't get paid for it. Sometimes I'm not looking my best. I look like a mess, and I'm like I don't want my picture taken right now. I get comments like, ‘She's not looking her best today,' and I'm like, ‘I know, I'm not trying to impress you!'" [E!]
• Blind items! 1. Which Park Avenue socialite split from her husband when she discovered that he'd been enjoying secret conjugal relations with one of her best friends for years? 2. Which hit television show sidekick kicked an aspiring actress out of his cab after she refused to go to his apartment with him to "cuddle over milk and cookies"? 3. Which longtime New York basketball legend, whose wife handles his business, has gone bankrupt twice? 4. Which talk-show host has a flatulence problem so bad, he's said to have an assistant follow him around with an odor-vaporizing spray can? [Page Six]
• Jessica Simpson says Tony Romo is "the whole package." Plus! "He's taught me to calm down a lot," Jess says. "I'm not organized and he's not organized either – but [he] does make me want to be organized for us." Fascinating. [People]
• So. You know how Joaquin Phoenix is retiring from acting? He can't get enough of the camera, actually: He's filming a documentary of his transition from acting to music. But it's real, see? Not acting. [E!]
• Michael Jackson paid £25,000 a session, for a total of £175,000 to see a "mind-mapping" guru to help him with his stage fright and creativity. The guru gets his clients to draw colorful maps. £175,000 for crayons? [The Sun]
• Here's more about the "brain guru." [NY Daily News]
• Um, Michael Jackson's nanny is in hiding. [Fox 411]
• Barack Obama's win is encouraging Gillian Anderson to leave London and move back to her native America. [Daily Express]
• Uh-oh, baby wipes enthusiast Terrence Howard has a crush on gorgeous model Noemie Lenoir. Is she "clean" enough for him? Also, they could be brother and sister, what with the skin and eyes. [Page Six]
• Is Anne Hathaway dating yet another loser? [Page Six]
• Rihanna and Chris Brown now have matching tattoos. [Concrete Loop]
• Serena Williams as the Black Racket is pretty much the best silly stoopid thing you will see today. [The.Life Files]
• Crap, Will Smith is doing a remake of Korean movie Old Boy, which is awesome just the way it is. [Reuters]
• Denise Richards was asked about the Angelina vs. Aniston feud and got all pissy, replying: "You know what? Their life is none of my business. My life has been public, and I think everyone should mind their own business about people's relationships, to be honest. It's between them!" Don't worry honey, soon people will stop for your your opinion. You'll miss it! [E!]
• Natasha Bedingfield: "Romance is female Viagra!" Sorry, explain? "In reality, relationships have ups and downs. If someone is worth enough to you, then you both fight to stay true through the tough times. Advice to guys: Keep the romance alive. Simple things like giving flowers or remembering special dates may sound cheesy but they do work." Oh, see, she's engaged and giddy. [People]
• Heather Mills is sick of the invasion of privacy, people! She's filed six complaints against Britloids: The Sun, Daily Mail, Daily Express and London Lite. [Guardian]
• Some dude claims a Martha Stewart lounge chair collapsed on him, crushing his right index finger. The tip of his finger allegedly fell beneath a deck and was eventually retrieved by a family member. He's suing Martha. Oh, and he says his life is ruined because he's a banjo player. And a hand model. [TMZ]
• Little Britain USA: Being renewed. Computer says yes. [The Sun]
• Click to see Kristen Johnston in a PETA ad against horse-drawn carriages. She's naked, but covered a la lady Godiva. [ONTD]
• You've been waiting for this: Whitney Port is launching her official site soon. Okay, maybe you haven't been waiting, but it's happening anyway. [Socialite Life]
• As previously reported, Rashida Jones is joining The Untitled Amy Poehler Show. Now we know she will play a nurse named Ann. this is all we know. [E!]
• If you watch CSI: Miami, you'll be delighted or disappointed to find out that Sean "Diddy" Combs will make a two-episode appearance, and not as a corpse. Puff will play a prosecutor. [Yahoo News]
• What the world needs now: A Vegas revue starring Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown. "Think Spice Girls meets Showgirls." The project is called "Peep Show" and promises to be "very sexy and very girl power." [Perez Hilton]
• Antonia Kidman, Nicole's sister and a single mom, had a coffee date. That's what this story is about. [News.com.au]
• NFL star Tom Brady is working on rehabbing his injured knee, and while he recovers, a source spills, "No distractions and no Gisele." But doesn't supermodel glamazon Ms. Bundchen heal all wounds??? [Boston Herald]
• David Beckham will only stay with AC Milan for three months before returning to the Los Angeles Galaxy; the Italians are not trying to keep him. [The Independent]
• Russell Brand's stand up show in New York includes jokes about groping the Queen's breasts. He also encourages the audience: "Feel free to approach me for sex." [The Sun]
• Alicia Silverstone, author! Her book, The Kind Diet, comes out next year; it "explores the connection between what we put in our bodies and what we’re doing to the planet, and how choosing the right foods in the kitchen can help you feeling lighter, sexier, and more alive." Plus 75 vegan recipes. [USA Today]
• Aaaah, aaaaahhhhh! Sam Kinison biopic in the works. [NY Times]
• Pete Doherty is on a "pub footie team" which means he plays soccer with other guys from a bar. He says he plans to "score" every week, heh. [The Sun]
• Oh, dear. The flailing economy has hit Days If Our Lives: Deidre Hall (Dr. Marlena Evans) and Drake Hogestyn (John Black) have been axed for budget reasons. Hall had been on the NBC soap for 32 years, and Hogestyn was there for 22. Like sand through the hourglass! [NY Mag]
• Is Magic Johnson skimpy with health coverage when it comes to people who work for him? [TMZ]
• Chuck Norris has written a bunch of crap about the "Gay Anarchy" that America has been experiencing due to the Prop 8 debate. He says: "Protestors [sic] of Proposition 8 in California (the marriage amendment) shoved aside a 69-year-old woman who was bearing a cross. They reportedly spit on her and stomped on her cross. They then aligned themselves in a human barricade, blocking the media from getting to or interviewing the woman." The folks from Queerty call his screed a "gobbledygook of half truths, race-baiting and feigned outrage." [Queerty]
• Click here if you want to watch Hugh Jackman sing "I Still Call Australia Home." Such a Broadway voice on that one. [News.com.au]
• This story reads: "This week, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger… enlisted his friend and fellow environmentalist Rob Lowe to entice the notoriously wary Chinese into a discussion about global warming while showing them a little showbiz flash." Yes. Rob Lowe is meeting with Chinese officials. [LA Times]
• Stephen Baldwin said he'd leave the country if Obama won; unfortunately he was joking. He now says: "Obama is obviously talented and intelligent, and I have great respect for the man. He's got my full support, and I'm gonna be praying for him and his administration." [Page Six]
• Speaking of Obama, he does have friends in Hollywood, but they're not the ones you think — Clooney is not on the list. [Politico]
• American Buffalo is on Broadway, starring Haley Joel Osment, John Leguizamo and Cedric the Entertainer, and celebrities are loving it. [Rush & Molloy]
• Marissa Jaret Winokur will return to Hairspray December 9-January 4 for the final four weeks of its Broadway run. Not attending: Bianca Golden. [USA Today]
• Details about the romance between Marilyn Monroe and Arthur Miller. Including Monroe's painful miscarriage: Biographer Christopher Bigsby writes: "'It was Arthur's,' Monroe said, between sobs. 'It was for him. He didn't know. It was going to be a surprise. Then he would see that I could be a real wife, and a real mother.' Asked how long she had been pregnant, she replied, 'Just a few weeks, I guess. I didn't dare mention it to anyone, in case it wasn't true.'" [Telegraph]
• Bands don’t do what we used to do. Bands don’t have the theatrics. We were lighting ourselves on fire. I had a chainsaw and cut a nun’s head off. You don’t see that shit at all anymore, which is kind of sad." — Vince Neil, on the early days of Mötley Crüe. [Rolling Stone]
• "The most repulsive celebrity I've ever met is Mick Hucknall. Unlike me he doesn't realize why all the chicks love him. And he's really ugly." — Simon Cowell. [The Sun]
• "I've always had that fuck-the-system mentality, and his dad is so 'the system.' But then, they're the most liberal family — they bootlegged alcohol, for God's sake. They're rich because they threw big, illegal parties, so I don't mind." — M.I.A on her fiancé, Ben Brewer, who is a Seagram heir. [Page Six]
• "I’m currently enjoying a period of sobriety, but for the last 15 years that hasn’t been the case… It’s just as I get older the hangovers get worse. If there were no consequences to drinking, I would drink all the time, but as you get older the hangovers get worse, and I’m just tired of losing entire days to hangovers, so I’m enjoying some healthy sobriety for awhile to see how that works. I don’t advocate sobriety for anyone who can drink successfully." — Moby. [BlackBook]

• It's Flo versus Clo! Florence Henderson has been watching Cloris Leachman on Dancing With The Stars and says: "I hope the audience doesn’t think all older people act like her. I love Cloris, but sometimes she acts like she’s not all there, or she’s wandering around the ballroom acting silly." Flo also says Leachman “is given a lot of leeway because of her age." Stop drinking haterade, Mrs. Brady. [LA Times]
• Additional DWTS gossip: Apparently Maksim Chmerkovskiy thinks Cheryl Burke and Lacey Schwimmer need to slim down: "When I first saw these women this season, I said, 'Guys, you know the camera adds 10 pounds.' You have to do something about this." [LA Times]
• Oprah is being sued by a Louisiana man who claims she and an attorney made false statements that led the FBI to arrest him on extortion charges. Wiretapping, defamation, it's a mess. [Yahoo News]
• If Obama wins, will Oprah be appointed as the Ambassador to Britain? [Times of London]
• Did Gossip Girl's Taylor Momsen get a "life threatening" throat infection because she is too damn thin? [E!]

• Are you "uber-organized, hypersensitive" and located in New York? Gossip Girl's Leighton Meester needs a personal assistant. [NY Mag]
• Britney's victory in her driving without a license trial "closes a chapter on her past troubles," says her lawyer, who is paid to say such things. [People]
• Britney posted a picture of herself and her boys at a pumpkin patch on her website. [ET]
• Here's more on Fashion House, Bravo's Project Runway knockoff. [Page Six]
• Katherine Heigl on adopting a Korean baby: "It's definitely something we've talked about and want to do." [ET]
• Not only have Lindsay Lohan's Ugly Betty episodes been cut from 6 to 4, she is being cut out of some of the episodes they have already shot. [Perez Hilton]
• Oh, and Lindsay doesn't have any more roles lined up after Ugly Betty. No movies, no nothin'. [MSNBC]
• Check out Beyoncé looking rough, in character for Cadillac Records: [Just Jared]
• Jeremy Piven's on the cover of Page Six Magazine. The notorious womanizer is apparently looking to "settle down." [NY Post]
• As Raffaello Follieri was hauled off to jail, he made a statement: "I just hope that some day those who have been hurt by my action will one day forgive me." Which loosely translates to: "Sorry, Anne Hathaway. I fucked up. Can I call you when I get out in 4½ years?" [Daily Mail]
• Justin Timberlake's not the only one in the relationship who can sing: Jessica Biel grew up doing musicals and has recorded vocals for the Easy Virtue soundtrack. Apparently she has a great voice. [E!]
• Amy Winehouse was interviewed by a French TV crew via intercom at her house. She only talked about Blake Incarcerated. [Perez Hilton]
• Madonna is undergoing intense Kabbalah "anger management" to deal with her rage against Guy Ritchie. Not sure what that entails. Snapping the red string? [The Sun]
• Meanwhile Guy Ritchie looks pretty damn happy these days. [The Sun]
• Janet Jackson and Jermaine Dupri made a YouTube video in which she announces that she's feeling better. Then Dupri jokes: "Baby, they say you broke up with me because I threw up on you." [People]
• Heather Mills has already spent £10 million of her divorce settlement. It's been seven months. [The Sun]
• Gisele Bundchen's naked and covered in vines in ad ad campaign to save the rainforest. Hopefully it's not poison ivy on her crotch. [Mirror]
• Whoa: A 3-D live action rock 'n roll musical about Cleopatra, directed by Stephen Soderbergh and starring Catherine Zeta-Jones. Either the worst or the absolute best thing ever. [Variety]
• Headline of the day: "SOMEWHERE THERE'S A LANDFILL FULL OF EDDIE MURPHY'S UNDERWEAR." [Janet Charlton's Hollywood]
• Is Lily Allen's new song about cocaine? Lyrics: "I’m not trying to say that I’m smelling of roses/but when will we tire of putting shit up our noses." [The Sun]
• Bjork! In the news: She's campaigning for a more environmental approach to Iceland's natural resources. [ITN]
• Miley Cyrus on that 20-year-old model she's been haning out with, Justin Gaston: "He's been a really great friend more than anything." When asked if they are dating, Miley said: "Maybe. Maybe not." [People]
• Uh-oh, Miley got a lecture from her dad. She's supposed to be focusing on her career, not boys. Someone has to be the cash cow in the family! [The Sun]
• Ali Lohan has applied for a work permit in L.A. As a minor, she needs papers so she can get her singing career going. Apparently she's already been recording in, um, a hotel-casino in Vegas. [TMZ]
• Paris Hilton and Jordan met in London. The Four Horsemen were seen on the horizon. [The Sun]
• Macaulay Culkin: Coming to TV. Upcoming NBC drama Kings will also star Ian McShane. [EW]
• Bianca Jagger's been evicted from her rent-stabilized Manhattan apartment. Someting about being on a tourist visa and claiming it as a "primary residence." A Park Avenue space for $4,614 a month doesn't really sound like a deal. [AP]
• If you were hoping for a wax figure of Zac Efron you're in luck. He's at Madam Tussauds in Las Vegas. [UPI]
• The Bonnie Hunt Show: doomed. [Jossip]
• Check out this Happy Days inspired Obama ad. [BoingBoing]
• Chelsea Handler's show, Chelsea Lately, is being renewed through 2009. [MediaWeek]
• Caroline Rhea gave birth to a baby girl on Monday: Ava Rhea Economopoulos. "We wanted the shortest first name possible, since her last name is the alphabet," says the new mom. [People]
• Been caught stealing? Jane's Addiction will perform for the second time this year. Reunion in the works? [Reuters]
• Isaac Hayes left nothing to Scientology in his will. [Fox 411]
• Please please please let me get what I want: A Morrissey memoir! [NY Times]
• Speaking of which: A Smiths reunion? [The Sun]
• During a concert, Jay-Z dedicated "99 Problems" to McCain and a "homegirl," described as "the one who says 'You betcha.'" [ABC News]
• Heidi Klum wearing Rami Kashou! [Blogging Project Runway]
• Little Britain's Matt Lucas divorced his husband; now they're in a custody battle over the dog. [The Sun]
• A man sued along with Jay Leno over a car dealer has killed himself. [TMZ]
• Debra Messing likes being a redhead because she never got any work as a brunette. [Daily Express]
• "This (rumor) has been floating around for a while. I've seen different notions of it. I doubt it'll be me and Brad. I know Brad can't sing. Reznor would be about the right vibe for it, I guess." — Ed Norton, on the rumor that there's gonna be a Fight Club musical with music by Nine Inch Nails star Trent Reznor. [Daily Express]
• "I was being objectified, but actually that’s not a bad thing to feel. I knew exactly what was going on when I did that shot. There’s a conscious decision to everything I do. For me to say, 'Oh, God! I didn’t realize that would happen!' sounds incredibly naïve. I look at that picture, and my only thought now is that I certainly don’t look like that anymore. For Quantum of Solace, I made a decision that I wanted to get bigger and get muscles, because Bond is older and has probably been training." — Daniel Craig, on the infamous swimsuit shot from his first Bond film. [Just Jared]
• "Obama would be the better Bond because — if he’s true to his word — he’d be willing to quite literally look the enemy in the eye and go toe-to-toe with them. McCain, because of his long service and experience, would probably be a better M (James Bond’s boss). There is, come to think of it, a kind of Judi Dench quality to McCain." — Daniel Craig, in Parade magazine. [MSNBC]
• The kids are my priority, so it's possible that from now on I will make fewer movies. I may even stop altogether. I no longer have the ambition I had in my 20s." — Angelina Jolie. [People]
• "Usually people fall in love and everything revolves around the ritual of marriage. Children are an afterthought. We did everything backwards. But sooner or later, it will be the kids who ask us. They see films and start asking questions. Such as, 'Why are Shrek and Fiona married and you're not?'" — Angelina Jolie. [Rush & Molloy]
• "He's got to be that guy that we all just secretly want to live his life. Even if it's just for a week I mean wouldn't that be incredible? If you had to pick one person he would be the guy for me, I would want to be him for a week." — Charlize Theron on Richard Branson. [The Star]
• "Hearst Corporation, which my family owns, continues to host parties even as it folds magazines like CosmoGirl. It seems excessive… At least Hearst recently cancelled the company Christmas bash. It's time to work through this crisis, not party through it." — model and heiress Lydia Hearst. [Page Six]
• "I am constantly surprised by this huge country. It’s like a never-ending novel with each page more exciting and bizarre than the last. Don’t get me wrong, I have always loved London, it’s a city where being unusual is accepted. I grew up there, walked its cobbled streets and frequented its infamous haunts. The skies are always grey and the weather is freezing but the place is alive and vibrant with culture. The decision to leave my homeland was difficult but I’m happy I made it. New York is where I finally feel at home. Driving over the Brooklyn Bridge at night in a yellow cab and gazing out over the tops of the skyscrapers, there’s no place I’d rather be." — Noted poet, Peaches Geldof. [Daily Express]
• "I knew the Geldof girls from years ago through their dad Bob, so I've seen them grow up. I think Peaches is just working out her way in the world. If she's happy being married then that's great. It's good to be crazy and make mistakes when you're growing up. Then when you're 80 you can look back and laugh." —Geri Halliwell. [Mirror]

• Even though AMC has "formally exercised" its option for a third season of Mad Men, Producer Lionsgate and network AMC not only have no contract with series creator Matthew Weiner, they have not made deals with the cast, either! What will become of Don Draper? [Fox 411, Variety]
• Oh, Mad Men star John Slattery was overheard trashing other actors while having dinner in New York: "De Niro's a jerk!" he said. And! "I was thinking about doing something with [Al Pacino], but I was told to run - not walk - away from him, he's so unbearable." [Rush & Molloy]
• Angelina Jolie plans to adopt another Ethiopian baby in the New Year, to "bond" with daughter Zahara. [Mirror]
• John Mayer is winning Jennifer Aniston back with "soppy texts." A source says "He has even written a song about their time together and played it to Jennifer who, naturally, was incredibly touched." [Mirror]

• Speaking of texts, Paris Hilton has been texting Prince William after meeting him in a club. She invited him to a club opening in Las Vegas; he declined but is "up for a few drinks" the next time she's in town. [Mirror]
• Sam Ronson bought Lindsay Lohan a "£15,000 Ferrari red diamond encrusted Tiret," which is, apparently, a watch. [Mirror]
• Uh-oh, Sam and Lindsay had a fight on an Acela train to Washington! LL was "whining incessantly." When Lindsay would get up, Samantha would sigh and put her sweatshirt hood back up. Oh, and at some point, Lindsay said to Sam: "Don't fucking lie to me!" [Page Six]
• David Duchovny's 28-year-old Hungarian tennis coach, Edit Pakay, was asked if she'd had an affair with Duchovny. She answered: "I don't want to say anything that might hurt David. I am not going to deny it. I don't know what our relationship means to him." [Daily Mail]
• Ooh, Harper's Bazaar editor Glenda Bailey liked Kenley's designs best on Project Runway and thinks it's a shame she didn't win! Also, the post calls Leanne the "viewer favorite," even though the "fan favorite" was Korto, hello? [Page Six]
• Mary-Kate Olsen and some friends ate at a restaurant in NYC and left a big tip — as well as a wad of chewing gum — on the table. [Page Six]
• Madonna's divorce case will claim that Guy Ritchie was cruel and verbally abusive to her. A source says: "She is alleging he would tell her that she really should give up the live touring and that she 'looked like a granny' compared to the nubile youngsters dancing with her on stage." [Daily Mail, NY Post]
• Seems like Madonna and A-Rod were getting together when his wife was seven months pregnant. He had this apartment he never told his wife about, and Madonna would meet him there. [Fox 411]
• David Banda's biological father, Yohane Banda, says if he had known Madonna had plans to divorce Ritchie, he never would have agreed to let the celebrity couple adopt his 3-year-old son. [UPI, Times Of London]
• Madonna's publicist, Liz Rosenberg, notorious for lying, says the divorce settlement has not been finalized. [AP]
• Guy Ritchie's dad says it was "horrid" to read about Madge calling his son an "emotional retard" in front of fans. [The Sun]
• Madonna says Guy was "against" the adoption of David Banda. [The Sun]
• Um, this report says that Madonna wants to have a natural child with A-Rod. A friend says: "She thinks he's physically a great specimen. And if she is going to have another child, he would be the ideal man to bring one to her." Gah. [Daily Mail]
• Madonna might not move to NYC after all; the kids are in school in London and she doesn't want to interfere with that. [Mirror]
• This report says Madonna thinks Guy is a gold-digger, and that the kids are home-schooled and go on the road with her. [The Sun]
• A source says of the Madonna/Guy split: "She’s got a team of Kabbalah advisers who guide her through her spiritual decisions. If they say something is justified, then she feels comfortable going ahead and doing it. It’s only going to get worse (the public jabs) if Kabbalah greenlights it. Expect ugliness of epic proportions." [MSNBC]
• Guy Ritchie maybe told friends that making love to Madonna was like "cuddling up to a piece of gristle." [Daily Mail]
• Nicole Richie is the happiest she's ever been. "Parenthood is easier than I thought. Everybody was saying, before giving birth, sleep now because you'll never sleep with a baby but she sleeps 12 hours a day and I'm sleeping, too. She's the sweetest little angel." [The Sun]
• The Lost Madonna Tapes. Early songs. [The Daily Beast]
• Russell Simmons has a "bunch of money" tied up in a Lehman Brothers fund in London, but he says: "I don't worry about it. I have lots of staff members; I want to make sure everyone keeps getting fed." He does worry about the five charities he heads. "I’m not going to cut down on them so I can have another ride on a private plane." [NY Mag]
• So the son of the Beckhams' housekeepers, who's being held in an eBay investigation, used to dress up in Beckham's suits. [Mirror]
• Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady: Getting hitched? They are planning a wedding reception at Tavern On The Green in NYC. [Page Six]
• Victoria Beckham arrived in Madrid and asked that her suite have "only white colors" in it. White candles and white roses. No word on whether she only let white people in. [Page Six]
• Tom Cruise was seen posing on the streets of New York with Suri Cruise. Walking slowly, stopping at the car with the door open, just letting the paparazzi get pictures. "Exploiting" his daughter? Or making sure the photogs get what they want so they don't jostle and follow the car? [Perez Hilton]
• At a listening party, rapper Q-Tip was asked if he really dated Nicole Kidman. He said: "Yes, I did. So what?" [LA Times]
• Sean Penn is visiting Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez. Again. The actor accompanied the President during the inspection of a natural gas pipeline on Sunday. [Yahoo News]
• Heidi Montag's ex-boyfriend, Jordan Eubanks, says: "Since dating Spencer [Pratt], Heidi's whole mentality has changed—everything has changed. She's done a total 180, and I think it's so sad." Plus! There's a pic of him with Heidi and she's got her old nose and boobs. [E!]
• Chris Martin was being interviewed and talking about how Gwyneth told him he could only leave her if it was for one of the chicks in Girls Aloud. He told her that she could leave for Irish singers Westlife. The interviewer said, "You could have at least told her Brad Pitt." To which Martin replied, "She was engaged to him, you fucker." Then Martin punched the guy and called him a "cunt." [Jossip]
• Chris Martin says he was "just fooling around" when he punched the reporter. [Rush & Molloy]
• Don Cornelius of Soul Train was arrested over the weekend on suspicion of domestic violence. [AP]
• Katie Price, aka Jordan, has walked out on husband Peter Andre. She's on the cover of the UK version of OK!. [Perez Hilton]
• Actor Gale Harold, of Desperate Housewives and Queer As Folk, was in a serious motorcycle accident last week. He had swelling on the brain and a fractured shoulder but is expected to recover. [Star]
• Oi! Amy Winehouse and David Beckham have the UK's "most hated celebrity accents." [The Star]
• Eminem's new book includes thoughts about the 2006 shooting death of his close friend and fellow D12 rapper Proof: "I have never felt so much pain in my life. It was tough for me to even get out of bed, and I had days when I couldn't walk, let alone write a rhyme." [People]
• Andy Dick has been ordered by a court to wear an alcohol-monitoring bracelet for one year. Think he can last that long? [UPI]
• Ali Larter had an engagement party over the weekend. [People]
• Morgan Freeman has agreed to help kick off the first Blues at Moon Music Festival at Mississippi's Golden Moon Hotel and Casino in Choctaw, MS. [UPI]
• Sir Paul McCartney's new love, Nancy Shevell, has moved in. [The Sun]
• Headline of the day: "The Grandadiator: Russell Crowe's raging grandfather makes hellraising star look tame." [Daily Mail]
• Jeff Probst created a new show, Live Like You're Dying, for CBS. The gist: A person who has been given a terminal diagnosis with a finite amount of time to live will be taken "on the last adventure of their life." But it's not morbid! "The focus of the show is not death," says Probst. "The story we’re going tell is about living. This is a show that is intended to inspire everybody to get the most out of their lives every day." [EW]
• Carrie Fisher's memoir includes this info about Star Wars: She was looking at her white costume when director George Lucas said, "You can't wear a bra under that dress." "Why?" asked Fisher. "There's no underwear in space," he replied. [Page Six]
• Rihanna rode a Segway around the mall in Vegas, attempted to look cool while doing so. [Concrete Loop]
• A male friend of actress Bonnie Somerville was shot and wounded at a party in West Hollywood; it may have been a BB gun. [UPI]
• Jeremy Piven talks about being in Mamet's play Speed-The-Plow on Broadway: "I don’t think there would be an Entourage without David Mamet." [NY Times]
• Michael Kors: Spotted checking out pusses at the Cat Show in NYC! [Fey Friends]
• If Christie Brinkley's ex, Peter Cook, has a sex tape of himself with his teen mistress, it's a felony: She was 18 at the time and recorded without her knowledge. [NY Post]
• John Legend hearts Obama and the feeling is mutual. [Guardian]
• Liza Minnelli: On Broadway! Two weeks only! [Variety]
• Lily Tomlin wants Jenny, who's been working at the Dallas Zoo for 22 years, to retire. Jenny is a 32-year-old elephant; Tomlin wants her sent to a sanctuary. [MSNBC]
• Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood cheated on his wife with Kelly LeBrock…in 1981. [Daily Mail]
• "I never got introduced to [Bond creator Ian Fleming] until I was well into the movie but I know he was not happy with me as the choice. What was it he called me, or told somebody? That I was an over-developed stunt man. He never said it to me. When I did eventually meet him he was very interesting, erudite and a snob – a real snob." — Sean Connery, recalling filming Dr. No. [Daily Express]

[Charles de Gaulle Airport, October 14. Image via Splash.]

I took Mariska's self-assessment in a different light. I sincerely doubt that Hargitay is trying to tell Self readers that she's at all overweight. I think it's more that terms like "full figured," "curvy," "plus-size," and "big-boned," have become so obfuscated by the dieting industrial complex that their original meanings are essentially moot at this point.

In mag parlance, Gisele Bundchen and Jennifer Hudson are both "curvy," (which these days means "possessing breasts") and Whitney from America's Next Top Model is "plus-size." We got an angry email after New York Times reviewer Manohla Dargis described Keira Knightley as "a big-boned beauty" because the reader had assumed that Dargis was calling Knightley fat. The thing is, Knightley is "big-boned" according original definition of the word, which is "having a bone structure that is massive in contrast with the surrounding flesh." Her shoulders are broad and her clavicle protruding, but she has little flesh on her bones.

It's gotten to the point where one can't describe any form, male or female, without being accused of body snarking. However, fat prejudice is still insidious and rampant, as a new study in the U.K. shows 46% of people have referred to or thought of an overweight person by by a derogatory name, according to The Independent. Are we being over-sensitive about value-neutral words, or understandably concerned about weight messages sent from celebrities?

Mariska Hargitay's Skewed Self Assessment [Glossed Over]
Georgiana and Her Dull, Dallying Duke [NYT]
Many Britons Fattist Bullies, Survey Shows [Independent]

[Los Angeles, October 9. Image via Splash.]

• Suri Cruise's custom Roger Vivier flats: Cute, or creepy and decadent? "Bruno Frisoni, the creative director of the French luxury label and pal of Tom and Katie, made Suri her very own pair of iconic buckle flats (made famous by Catherine Deneuve in Belle de Jour)." Oh, and if you want your own toddler to look like a Parisian hooker? Sorry, they were a one-off. [People]
• Paris Hilton continues her career as political satirist with some advice for Sarah Palin: "You've got a hot bod; don't keep it to yourself...Why wear a pantsuit when you can wear a swimsuit? Welcome to the Lower 49, girlfriend." Or maybe that wasn't satire. [New York Post]
• Media reports that Gisele sends moola to her family in Brazil so now the fam are at risk for kidnapping. [Daily Express]
• That Van Cleef & Arpels suit against Heidi Klum's jewelry line has been dismissed. [Sassybella]

• Britney might be a surprise performer at this Diesel party in Brooklyn. Screw that! MIA will be there! [Fashionista]
• Coach's Reed Krakoff, who wrote a book about ultimate fighting, trotted out a bunch of (uncomfy) fighters to Barneys for the event. “I thought they’d just roll us in off a bus, and that we would have dinner with a bunch of suits,” said one. “I didn’t expect all this.” [WWD]
• If you don't mind imposing both puns and political endorsements on babies, you'll like this new line of Obama-wear. "Baby Needs a Change," anyone? [Utne]
• I'm guessing at this point most of us don't want to waste a mouse click on Lauren Conrad's holiday collection. [FabSugar]
• Gap and Abercrombie both down; middle-schoolers obviously hit by recession. [WSJ]
• In fact, Wal Mart's about the only one who's up. [WWD]
• Vanessa Paradis: "The red carpet is not something I really know how to work. It intimidates me. I feel very tiny...I don't have famous neighbours and if I did, I'd avoid them. I don't live the jet-set." Guess she prefers to hole up with Depp. [VogueUK]
• The blouse is back, baby. [ElleUK]
• Marc Jacobs “totally channeled" late artist Stephen Sprouse in his new collection. [Fabsugar]

• Britney was at a middle school in The Bronx yesterday to present a $10,000 check for the music program. The donation came from Elizabeth Arden, which is behind Brit's fragrances, Believe, Fantasy and Curious. [People]
• Hey, guess who has another perfume coming out in December? [ONTD]
• So yesterday we read that Britney wanted to buy her sex tape from Adnan Ghalib. Today Adnan says: "There is no sex tape. I’m extremely upset and taking legal action." Um, against whom? Also, even if there is no "sex" tape, there's no doubt he has some footage of her dazed and naked. You just know it. Think about the state she was in back then. [The Sun]
• Oh here we go, more quotes from Adnan: "There is no sex tape, and I've never claimed there is one. I don't know where these quotes I'm supposed to have said have come from. What I do know is they certainly didn't come from me and they are completely false. I'm extremely upset and distressed and I'm taking legal action... This story has caused a lot of hurt to my family and people close to me. There is no sex tape. That is the end of the matter." [Star]
• OMFG: Did LC hook up with JustinBobby behind Audrina's back??? [E!]

• Lily Allen's friends want her to go to rehab, since she drinks too much and always feels depressed. Sniff. [Perez Hilton]
• Tina Fey's Palin videos are getting big traffic for NBC's website. And she's not even an SNL regular anymore. [MediaWeek]
• The Heather Locklear/Jill Ishkanian story is long and complicated, but it seems to involve Denise Richards. [Jossip]
• Did you know that Charlize Theron makes a shitload of money just for wearing jewelry? [The Smoking Gun]
• Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo: Winter wedding? [The Superficial]
• Have you seen this video with Halle Berry, Jennifer Aniston, Benicio Del Toro, Laura Linney, Eva Longoria, Leo DiCaprio and ton of other celebs encouraging you to vote? [People]
• There's also a video with Demi Moore and Ashton and "Barack Obama." [Perez Hilton]
• David Beckham spent the whole night drinking with some guy he thought was Rex Lee — Lloyd from Entourage — but it was just a prankster. [Mirror]
• Shia LaBeouf: Injured again, this time above the eyebrow, by a prop on the set of Transformers. He got stitches, then it was back to work. [Perez Hilton]
• Bianca Golden, the America's Next Top Model contestant who had an airport showdown with Nikki Blonsky and her family this summer, has spoken out for the first time about the incident to Tyra Banks (of course!). Bianca says Nikki was rude to her family from the beginnning and that "her father … punched my mom. He knocked her out. He hit my mom with such force she stumbled back, and when she stumbled back, the whole family got up and attacked my mom." Then the Blonsky family supposedly yelled racist remarks at the Goldens. DRAMA! [Perez Hilton]
• Jamie Hince, Kate Moss's ex, went to a psychic in L.A. after a "massive drinking session" and had to be helped out the place. Did the clairvoyant see a reconciliation in her crystal ball? [The Sun]
• Word is Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady will get married very soon. A friend says: "I don't think they will even bother getting engaged — and will just slip off and marry quietly." [Perez Hilton]
• Russell Crowe gained 63 pounds for his role in Body Of Lies. He says: "I'll have that cheeseburger for breakfast, thank you!" [UPI]
• A women's shelter cut headliner Sandra Bernhard from its annual benefit after she said Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin would be gang-raped if she ever visited New York. Jokes! [AP]
• Russell Brand wants to sleep with Helen Mirren. "She's so sexy and enchanting, just look at her form." They're going to be working together in a new film version of Shakespeare's The Tempest. Russell says: "I'll be all over her. I don't know how I'll get any work done." [Mirror]
• Is Holly Madison heading for The Hills? She was seen partying with Lo, Brody and Frankie. [E!]
• Jane Kaczmarek says even though she and hubs Bradley Whitford are television stars, their family only has one TV in the house. "We don't watch much TV," she claims. "We're big readers." [UPI]
• Were those nude Marilyn Monroe photos that are the subject of a lawsuit found in a garbage can 35 years ago? [AP]
• Robbie Williams is working on an aliens-inspired album, and has been writing alien-anthems at a UFO camp in Trout Lake, WA — a hot spot for alien encounters. [Perez Hilton]
• You know how Courtney Semel smacked a security guard in Vegas back in August? She's getting off with just paying a $250 fine. [TMZ]
• A cookbook from rapper Coolio? LOL! He says: "I'm a gourmet chef. I have my own YouTube channel for cooking. I do a lot of healthy fusion food - I do Black Italian - Blitalian, Black Asian - Blasian, Black English - Blenglish and I'm about to try Black Scottish - Blottish. I like traditional food and putting my own twist on it." [Daily Express]
• Get your tie dye out, Phish is reuniting. [Newser]
• Rickrolling has brought Rick Astley back into the public eye, and he's up for an MTV Europe Music Award this year, although he has never been nominated before. [BBC News]
• Behold: Luke Ledger, Heath's cousin. Also an actor. [News.com.au]
• Here's a funny little story told by actor Sir Michael Gambon, about Johnny Depp meeting the Queen. [Telegraph]
• Ang Lee is working on a comedy about Woodstock. The 1969 concert, not the tiny bird who's friends with Snoopy. [Reuters]
• "I think my only trick is… be normal and kind of have your shit together. And be consistent and reliable. Just not a flake. Really, the thing is, not to be a superflake. Don't be an asshole. Don't be supercocky. Don't be a show-off. Everyone for some reason feels the need to show off." — David Spade, on how he gets so many chicks. [Radar]
• "I definitely think there's more opportunity in television to a certain degree. But I don't know that there's as much opportunity for a lot of people of color to spread their wings because sometimes it came be very limited. But there are so many filmmakers that are willing to take more risk, and do color-blind casting — that's how a lot of things have come to pass for me […} You can get shafted both ways — you can be too American, or you can be too Chinese. It's a very difficult combination to be neither/nor, or either/or. It's nice to be able to embrace all cultures and to jump from one thing to another, which is kind of the whole reason for acting, to transform yourself, you know?" — Lucy Liu. [Wall Street Journal]
• "I have a great guy that's been around me for 15 years and he likes to yell at me every time I come into the office. He's a cranky old man. I love him. He is a Jungian therapist. He's taught me to listen to my psyche, be aware of what is going on and to make great choices." — Pamela Anderson. [Guardian]
• "The film is particularly painful for some people to watch. They keep hoping for a different ending. The great thing for me as an actor is I get to play all that anger on screen. So I don't have to live with it." — Kevin Spacey, on his flick Recount, about the 2000 election and the hanging chad debacle. [Independent]

[New York, September 24. Image via INF]

• Punk queen Vivienne Westwood is releasing her first album! Well, sort of. "Conceptualised, compiled and art-directed by the designer personally, the album - which is being released by Mercury Records - features 16 of the favourite songs of fashion's grande dame, which, in typical Westwood style, are anything but predicable; think Last Night Was Made For Love by Billy Fury alongside Tchaikovsky's Waltz of the Flowers." [VogueUK]
• The fact that Christina Aguilera seems so totally stable these days doesn't bode well for her new fragrance, "Inspire." Aguilera says the scent "is a natural extension of herself." But who wants to smell like happily-married mom without a substance abuse problem these days? [USA Today]
• It's official! Debbie Phelps has signed an endorsement deal with Chico's! [WSJ]
• Kate Moss returns to the catwalk after four years! Again: Well, sorta. "Kate grabbed a top hat and cane to join Beth Ditto of The Gossip in the show which was hosted by Scissor Sisters' singer Ana Matronic, and attended by a cheering posse of the model's friends including boyfriend Jamie Hince." [This Is London]

• "Even as you read this, New York Fashion Week, debuting the spring 2009 collections, is unfurling on the Bryant Park runways, all but oblivious to the fact that most Americans are too busy choosing between food and fuel to worry about foulards versus fan pleats." [Village Voice]
• Menswear designer takes a page from Italian Vogue: "Carlos Campos is showing his first women's collection Monday during Fashion Week, and he's just announced he'll use only black models in the runway show at the Altman Building." Great, but ultimately can't using a mix of models just become standard? [NY Mag]
• Does footwear herald changes in Republicanland? "Mrs. Bush opted for comfortable, unexciting slingbacks while Mrs. McCain went with considerably higher, coquettish black peep-toe pumps." Palin, of course, favors Ferrari-red heels. [Observer]
• In other sartorial convention news, conservatives, unsurprisingly, dress conservatively. "No untamed hair, no rumpled, loose-fitting skirts and trousers made from varying blends of linen, hemp and flax. On men, no shirttails hanging out or low-slung, baggy shorts and pants." [StarTribune]
• In Britain, meanwhile, female politicians stay resolutely dowdy. [Telegraph]
• Lauren Conrad: down but not out! The plucky polymath has some fall designs back up on her site. [OhNoTheyDidn't]
• Designer Yigral Azrouel branches into condoms: “Having grown up with five sisters, causes related to women’s health and wellness are close to my heart. I love being able to apply my passion for design to raise awareness for Planned Parenthood®. My business is largely founded on designing for women, so it is really about taking that mindset and applying it to a product like PROPER ATTIRE® to figure out what appeals to a woman." I guess they've given up on condoms appealing to men. [NY Mag]
• We're mad at Target for dropping Isaac Mizrahi, but maybe he'll jazz up Liz Claiborne? [WWD]
• Ethically-produced jeans have made the leap from worthy to wearable. [Guardian]
• Yet another college comes to its senses: UNC drops out of Victoria's Secret college line. [USNews]
• Check it: the Gisele for Max Factor ads. [People]
• More deets on the Vena Cava/Via Spiga collab! [Sassybella]
• We bring peace to the Middle East! And by "peace" I mean "Payless Shoes." [WSJ]
• Calvin Klein's successor Francisco Costa: “I never thought of filling anybody’s shoes...That was never a consideration. Calvin did what he did. Am I Calvin? Absolutely not. Am I respecting the label? Yes. Am I doing what I am supposed to do? I think I am. Am I respecting myself? Yes. Am I having fun? Yes. Do I like being here? I love being here." [WWD]
• Is he responsible for CK's astronomical growth? [WWD]
• We all know how designers love playing editor! (see: Tom Ford.) "For Elle's October issue, The London Issue, four British designers have created their ultimate Elle covers." They include Luella Bartley, Giles Deacon, Gareth Pugh, and Matthew Williamson. [ElleUK]

• Tara Subkoff's short films for Bebe are all set to premiere. Says the designer of her "star," Lydia Hearst: "She truly reminds me of the classic 'Hitchcock blonde' — he would have loved her and she would have been a huge star in his films if we could go back in time." Obviously, like Subkoff, Hitch would have staged lesbian makeout sessions with Aubrey O'Day in front of Bungalow 8 for his art. [WWD]
• Sometimes we wonder whether Karl Rove is behind this seemingly systematic campaign to get everyone in Fashionland behind Obama. "Designer Patricia Field has created an Obama t-shirt that reads "Elegance. Dignity. Obama. Statesman." Naturally, this is written in glitter. [Racked]
• We kind of don't understand why Jeremy Piven was the host of Conde Nast's Fashion Rocks concert last year, but according to Page Six the actor "was a 'nightmare,' insisting on a separate green room and rewriting the script up until the last minute. 'And it wasn't even funny,'said the source." [P6]

• Wait, what? Luxury brand LVMH acquires yacht company. [WWD]
• After months of speculation, minimalist label Jil Sander sold to Japan's Onward Holdings Co. [WSJ]
• Gryphon designer Amy Cho meets fashion halfway with a "Responsible Fur" initiative, which encourages the use of "recycled" vintage furs and extra-soft fakes. Methinks we love her. [Style.com]
• Baggy jeans are back. Not Katie-Holmes sloppy, either: these Bottega Veneat guys are more early-90s harem. [The Life Files]
• Buckingham Palace guardsmen may switch from real bearskin hats to Stella McCartney fauxs after animal rights activists meet with Ministry of Defense. [Daily Mail]
• Following in the footsteps of Vera Wang, various penniless freelancers, Oscar de la Renta will be a guest-blogger on Brides.com. "He'll be writing about wedding choices on dresses, jewelry and destinations. " [WWD]
• In a desperate bid to lure back-to-schoolers, mid-price retailers pull out all the stops. "Kohl's launched six lines of clothing this summer with a star-studded advertising campaign featuring celebrities from including Lenny Kravitz and Hayden Panettiere. JCPenney introduced another half-a-dozen labels, the department store's biggest crop of new brands, with looks ranging from urban rock to all-American. And Dillard's is chasing soccer moms with a line designed by Sheryl Crow that hit stores last month." Wait...Lenny Kravitz? [LAT]
• Style.com is branching out. "On Sept. 2, the site will debut Shop Now, where designer advertisers can pay to have their brands featured." Or, to have them considered: the editors will decide which of the submissions to feature. [MediaWeek]
• To celebrate its centennial, venerable makeup brand Max Factor has treated itself to Gisele Bundchen. For a campaign, I mean. [ElleUK]
• The relatively youthful British Harper's Bazaar is thriving. [Independent]
• Wait, isn't this what the internets do? The new magazine Distill "will present a digested read of the style and fashion press from all over the world, offering a shorthand guide to what and who are in fashion, and how those trends are being captured and covered." [Independent]
• Guess legendary photog Patrick Demarchelier likes his work. "I love all women. Women are sublime beings. I love all of it: their eyes, their noses, their bodies." [Telegraph]
• You know there's a problem when models are complaining that they're too thin: says Karen Elson, "Fashion is obsessed with finding young, beautiful and vulnerable girls, bringing them into the fashion world, praising them, worshipping them but suddenly dropping them like a stone when they hit puberty and grow boobs and hips. It's so dangerous and can potentially harm the girls mentally and physically." [Guardian]
• Shockingly, real designers don't want to dress Heidi Montag. "They don’t want their stuff on Heidi, even despite the fact that she is very media-friendly and is photographed a lot," the rep said. "It’s just not the caliber of celebrity most clients go for." [The Superficial]
• Sadie Frost arranges celeb auction for breast cancer. The haul? "Here are the black peep-toe size 38 Christian Louboutins which “Kate” has signed and covered with graffiti love hearts, a dress belonging to Amy Winehouse, a suit Jude Law wore on the set of Alfie, a guitar donated by Kasabian guitarist Jay Mehler, a Jake Chapman picture." [This Is London]
• Tamara Mellon's ex, Matthew, is hoping second time's the charm: "Mellon has joined forces with his new bride-to-be, designer Nicole Hanley, to introduce Hanley-Mellon, a clothing line that will launch for spring 2009. “It’s a mix of Chloé, YSL and bohemian chic,' Mellon told WWD." [WWD]

• "She's certainly telling friends she's planning to write a book," says a source close to Sam Ronson. "It's supposed to be about her, allegedly. But come on, you know Lindsay will be all over that book. She's the only one people want to read about." But! Michael Lohan says: "She's using my daughter. People never even knew who Samantha Ronson was until she met Lindsay. She was just some L.A. DJ. And now she's writing a book? I am at wit's end with this stuff. This is not in Lindsay's best interest." Oh dear! (And for the record, the Ronsons were on the New York scene before Lindsay ever shot Parent Trap. So.) [Yahoo News, The Sun]
• Michael Lohan thinks LL is drinking again. "Samantha drinks and passes the drinks under the table to Lindsay, and behind the scenes it gets worse and worse." [MSNBC]
• Nicolette Sheridan and Michael Bolton: Splitsville! The couple has been engaged since 2006 and started dating in 1992. They broke up after five years but got back together in 2005. Tell me how am I supposed to live without you? [Yahoo News, People]
• Related: Headline of the day: "Desperately Airbrushed Housewives: Latest Publicity Pictures Contrast With Recent Real Life Shots Of Stars" [Daily Mail]
• Matthew McConaughey's mom reveals her husband, Matt's dad, died while she was having sex with him: "On Monday mornings, he and I often said goodbye by making love. One day, all of a sudden, it just happened. I knew that something was wrong, because I didn't hear anything from him. Just nothing. But it was just the best way to go!" [Page Six]

• Ow, ow, Keith Urban has a slipped disc. Now who's gonna help Nicole with the baby? [People]
• Speaking of injuries, Kelly Osbourne's black eye was the result of a kitchen cabinet that fell on her face. Stupid Swedish box store. (Kidding!) [The Sun]
• Tom Brady spent $11 million on a plot of dirt in Brentwood, CA so he can build Gisele Bundchen a house. [TMZ]
• The ratings for the fourth-season premiere of The Hills were down. But! Lauren Conrad still gets $75,000 an episode! [Yahoo News]
• Madonna had a "meltdown" over technical problems that forced the screens to go out during several songs during her concert in Nice, France. I've got the moves baby, you got the motion. If we got together, we'd be causing a commotion. [Perez Hilton]
• Oooh, some love letters from the '90s Madonna sent to then-boyfriend James Albright might get released. Some are signed "Spanky" because she liked getting smacked on the ass during sex. [Mirror]
• Liz Hurley's in St. Tropez with husband Arun Nayar and best friend/ex boyfriend Hugh Grant. Amazing that Hugh and Liz dated for 13 years and stayed friends after breaking up in 2000. [Daily Mail]
• Please click and tell me wtf is up with Hayden Panettiere's birthday suit. [The.Life Files]
• DMX cursed at his judge while in court, which the judge didn't really like. And yeah, there is video. [The.Life Files]
• Jennifer Aniston won't be having plastic surgery, except for that deviated septum operation she had so she could breathe better. But everything else is yoga, cosmic energies and karma. [ONTD]
• Shannen Doherty and Jennie Garth went to a 90210 party and mingled on opposite sides of the room, which is supposed to mean there's tension and underlying drama happening. [E!]
• A South African lady who claimed to be raising funds for an R. Kelly concert in 2005 swindled $130,000 from investors. But! She deposited the money into a bank account, and the account belongs to R. Kelly. Kelly's camp says there is no truth to these reports. [E!]
• Rosario Dawson, Jessica Alba , Eva Longoria, Fat Joe, Wilmer Valderrama and Sofia Vergara will party at Voto Latino's DNC event in Denver tonight. [Page Six]
• Rihanna is looking for a condo in L.A. for she and Chris Brown to move into, but it needs to be soundproof because they like to play their music loud. [Star]
• Pete Doherty's new autobiographical film is playing in an Austrian porn theater? [The Sun]
• This story is sooooo ridiculous. It claims that since there were rumors that Paris and Benji broke up, she decked him out "in a T-shirt with 'Obey' emblazoned on the front and parade[d] him around in front of the paparazzi, of course!" [Mirror]
• Extras from that sure to be sucktastic Tom Cruise movie Valkyrie are claiming £6million in damages after suffering broken bones, cuts and bruises while filming. The studio had better pay up! [Mirror]
• Snoop Dogg has still not been granted a visa to enter Australia for a tour. Waiting. [News.com.au]
• Kelsey Grammer is back playing Dr, Frasier Crane… In a Dr. Pepper commercial. Maybe you drink it with tossed salads and scrambled eggs? [Perez Hilton]
• Haley Joel Osment will make his Broadway debut in David Mamet's American Buffalo. I see theater people! [USA Today]
• Barbra Streisand's goddaughter threatened to kill a woman? [TMZ]
• Vanessa Minnillo says that Nick Lachey was the one who said "I love you" first in their relationship, not that you care. [People]
• There's an opera based on the movie The Fly opening in L.A. "I didn't want to remake the movie. I didn't want to rewrite the screenplay again," David Cronenberg says. "This production has a power and charisma all its own." [Reuters]
• Ben Stiller is being honored by the Museum of the Moving Image. [Reuters]
• Kenny Rogers' new CD: Available at Cracker Barrel. [Perez Hilton]
• "The doctor said the tumour was so small, he wouldn't have even noticed it except for the fact that it wasn't there on previous X-rays. I've learned that if you catch breast cancer early, the chances are overwhelmingly good that you'll be cured. So my attitude, which very much mirrored my mother's, was this wasn't a big deal." — Cynthia Nixon, speaking about the moment she learned she had breast cancer. [Daily Mail]
• "It was a pile of shit, wasn't it? I wanted to get a job in the can before my daughter was born. It was actually very pleasant for me. I didn't have much to do with Sharon Stone. And thank God because I heard she was a fucking nightmare." — David Thewlis, on making Basic Instinct 2. [ONTD]
• "My job is to not pay attention to what Tom Cruise did with the role in a similar way that Adam's is not to pay attention to what Dustin did. Is it going to be better? I'm not even thinking about that. The film came out in '88, right? I was 10. I've seen it twice in the last 20 years." — Josh Hartnett, on his stage production of Rain Man. [Telegraph]
• "I stay at 165 pounds and cook everything out of Cooking Light magazine. I only eat irresponsibly on Saturdays, which means bacon and candy. I am against [nips and tucks]. If you have bad plastic surgery, it looks like you were brought up poor, moved to LA and didn't make it. If it's good, you just look like somebody else." — John Waters. [Page Six]

[New York, August 21. Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

• First, word was that annoying Brit It Pixie Geldof (sister of Peaches… naturally) was turning designer. "Pixie, 17, has just been offered an estimated £80,000 deal with high street chain New Look to design and model an eight piece fashion range." [Boldface ours.] [Mirror]
• But before we could even get properly irritated, we saw this: "Rumours are flying this morning that Pixie Geldof has signed an £80,000 deal to design a collection for New Look. However we can confirm that she has not signed a deal with the high street giant. We spoke to New Look this morning who told us, ' we admire Pixie's style very much and she is definitely someone we would like to work with in the near future', but a deal has not as of yet been signed." [ElleUK]
• More on Jessica Simpson's inexplicable dress line. [WWD]
• Michael Kors loves Mad Men: "Mad Men" is undeniably stylish—those super graphic titles, the Bernard Herrmann-esque score, the lighting…and then, obviously, I mean, the clothes. The show is like your terribly chic friend who was valedictorian. It gets you on every level." [Style.com]

• The horror! The horror! Pantyhose for men! (well, frumpy ones.) [Random Good Stuff]
• L'Oreal USA names new Luxury Products Chief [WWD]
• Apparently the Olympics have influenced this summer's "sporty style." [Fashionista]
• So, let's say Alexander McQueen collaborated with Puma. Well, the results would be exactly as ridiculous as you might have guessed! "The Puma AMQ line has most recently created a chocolate-brown crocodile leather kick that manages to combine urban style (note the high-top build) with high fashion — plus a little bit of a jungle vibe mixed in. "There is a part of me that is very couture, and a part of me that is very street," the designer explains." They're $3K, of course. [BlackBook.]
• The official word is that, rumors to the contrary, Peter Som was sticking with his man, Bill Blass. [Conde Nast Portfolio]
• But what about this, from Fashionista? "After only three collections, Peter Som has submitted his resignation at Bill Blass. Perhaps he can't handle the stress of designing more than one collection? Let's face it, he's no Marc or Karl.Word is management at Nexcen is keen on keeping him on board, at least in name, until they can sell the brand." [Fashionista]
• And if Elle UK is wrong? I don't wanna be right! [ElleUK]
• Breaking:Peter Som has left Bill Blass. [WWD]
• Gisele Bunchen and beau Tom Brady slash asking prices on their NYC property listings! No, we still can't afford them. [WSJ]
• And speaking of expensive stuff, Burberry expands its obnoxious but still kinda cute (who doesn't like little English children?!) kids' line. "Best sellers include trench coats and dresses that match the design of the men's and womenswear collections (and the campaign sweetly mirrors that of the main collections, which this season features Rosie Huntington-Whiteley and Sam Riley); back to school sales alone have boosted profits no end, with the mini quilted coats for both boys and girls having sold out within a week." [VogueUK]
• So, WWD100, which ranks designers by recognizability, makes TOMMY HILFIGER #1! Over THE KAISER, PEOPLE! [Breitbart]
• Recession? We didn't hear you - we were wearing our diamond-encrusted ear buds. "DEOS Diamond [www.deos-diamond.com] ear phone covers fit that bill nicely—the collection of covers, which come with colored, clear, or black VS-quality diamonds set into titanium—are designed by Allison Lee Zeiss (an alum of Vera Wang's fine jewelry line) and cost between $3,500 and $40,000, depending on the number and color of diamonds. The sparkly little sleeves slide onto the standard white Apple ear buds to add instant glam to phone or pod." [Style.com]
• Or maybe I was blinded by my jeweled contacts. [New York Magazine]
• Christian Lacroix: the creative millionaire's choice. [Dazed Digital]
• Speaking of awesomeness, the Nanette Lepore boutique at Bloomingdale's has this rad high-tech mirror that allows you to 'virtually try on' clothes, superimposing the digital images over your reflection. Obviously the effect is kinda paper doll and you have no idea what you'd actually look like in the clothes, but...cool, no? [The Life Files]
• Banana Republic shouts repeatedly that it is a "lifetsyle brand," goes higher-end. Here's a good point a friend made to me when J.Crew went all high-end: "if you had that kind of money, why spend it at J. Crew?" Ditto, Banana. [WWD]
• Patyka's Biokaliftin launches (really expensive) organic cosmceuticals. [Style.com]
• Designers "give back." [ElleUK]
• Anglophiles holla back: Liberty of London now online! [ElleUK]

OMG. OH NOES. THIS MODDLE HAZ NO CAPSHUN. RITE A SUGGESSHUN IN TEH COMMINTZ!!!11!! TEH WINNR GITZ A CHEEZBURGR. SRSLY.

Earlier:
LOLVogue: All Dat Glitterz Iz Mah Pantz
LOL'Vogue': Scarves, Silverware & Scooters