Memo to Natasha Walter of the Times of London, and to everybody else talking about young women's sex lives these days: girls got 99 problems, and "promiscuity" ain't one.

Just in case you didn't know: women want everything, and everything makes women unhappy. Camilla Long adds yet another piece to this hot trend, noting that though women in the "noughties" seemingly had everything, they're still horribly unhappy.

• A 20-year-old woman is seeking restitution for pornographic videos made of her when she was eight years old. The abuse was committed and filmed by her uncle, and the resulting videos became "Internet child porn classics." •

A judge has ruled that Joe Francis must pay $3 million in gambling debts to Wynn Las Vegas. During his deposition, the Girls Gone Wild founder asserted his Fifth Amendment rights after nearly every question, and farted repeatedly. [LVSun]

Christie Hefner, the current CEO of Playboy Enterprises, is hardly a shrinking violet. But, sometimes, even the best CEO can use a little media training. In a series of new videos for the site Big Think, she spouts off about the Playboy brand, her father's sense of perspective and the future of online porn that made…

• Joe Francis has launched an Australian edition of the "popular" Girls Gone Wild magazine, which hit sexist newsstands Down Under last month. • The General Medical Council in England has found Dr. Martin Quinn guilty of misconduct for carrying out unnecessary hysterectomies "for research," but will only suspend him…

More details pertaining to the arrest of a Girls Gone Wild staffer for sexual assault have been released. Matthew O'Sullivan, the boss of a GGW video crew, met the 20-year-old victim inside a tavern and asked her to come to a party on the GGW bus, where he allegedly pulled off her shorts and underwear and then kept…

A taping of Girls Gone Wild (the nipple-flash video franchise owned by lawsuit-attracting and sexual harassment victim, Joe Francis) was cut short in Long Island, NY after a woman flagged down cops at 2:30 a.m. today outside of the Smithtown bar, nubar, and told them she had been sexually assaulted. The police then…

Girls Gone Wild's resident jerkass Joe Francis is getting sued for $2 million. Apparently billionaire Steve Wynn gave Francis a $2.8 million loan and has only seen $800,000 of that cash returned to him. • A theater was named for Heath Ledger in the actor's hometown of Perth, Australia today. Heath's dad, Kim, attended…

Rapper Remy Ma (real name: Reminisce Smith) was sentenced today to eight years in jail for shooting a woman outside a New York club. Her lawyer will appeal the sentence. • Beyonce's dad says he doesn't dignify pregnancy rumors with a response. "We don't comment," Matthew Knowles tells Us. "We just let people make…

• Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and all of their kids have hit the French Riviera. They're staying in a villa owned by Microsoft's Paul Allen that has breathtaking views of the Mediterranean Sea. A source says: "They love France and will now be here until after the babies are born and Angie is looking at Marseille…

An Oklahoma Sheriff is being accused of running his own version of Girls Gone Wild in prison: On Wednesday, Mike Burgess, the top officer in Custer County — 90 miles outside Oklahoma City — was arrested for, among other charges, forcing female prisoners to "engage in wet T-shirt contests and offering cigarettes to…

Don't get me wrong, Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis is a douche nozzle. He has a lot of idiot friends (Tara Reid, Paris Hilton), he's bristling with entitlement, and probably worst of all, he's under the assumption that his brand of objectification is merely the observation of women's sexual liberation. But people…

In yesterday's Los Angeles Times, depression diarist turned Yale law student Elizabeth Wurtzel lamented the failure of feminism in the aughts. In her typically rambling-though-insightful style, Wurtzel careened from the Spitzer scandal to Girls Gone Wild to Entourage, concluding that women are still "left choosing…

Nicky Hilton shot down allegations of anorexia last night at the show for her Nicholai fashion line. "There's no truth to any starvation, eating disorders... I think the press has been printing a lot of pictures of me from unflattering angles." • Mariah Carey will fill in for an ailing Janet Jackson on this weekend's …

Girls Gone Wild sleaze Joe Francis tried to convince a Reno judge to keep him from being extradited to Florida after his current Nevada trial for tax evasion is over. There is a no-bail warrant out for Francis in Florida stemming from charges that he filmed underage girls for some of the GGW vids. Unfortunately for…

Best Comment of the Day, in response to Girls Gone Wild: Mag Hag: "Every time I see those commercials, selling the videos 2 for $9.99, I always think how sad it must feel to know your tits are on a DVD being sold for less than $5." We say: our tits are worth at least a Hamilton. • Worst, in response to How Do You Deal…