Fuck, you forgot that it’s Mother’s Day, didn’t you? And now you’re thinking of trying to play it off with a quick phone call and an impromptu recitation of a found poem you’ve cobbled together from an old modernism anthology that you only half-read. Your mom will see right through that, of course, and she’ll be…
As we're all aware by now, the modern incarnation of Valentine's Day is nothing more than a consumer fabrication to get us to splash out on Godiva chocolate and a bouquet of Birds of Paradise for the person we hump on the regs. However, for those of us who are single, it can still be a crappy benchmark of the…
Unfortunately, the holidays are here. The sooner we purchase presents for our favorite sad sacks, the faster they can sigh "thanks?" and we can all get back to our miserable little lives. So here's what to buy the grumpiest, grouchiest hateful little monsters in your life. If you have the sick need to keep these…
The Manic Pixie Dream Girl! We all know one, but that doesn't necessarily mean we know what to buy her for the holidays. What's the perfect gift for the free spirit who lives to inspire, dance in the rain and experience each moment with childlike wonder? Turns out that there are lots of great things. Let's have a…
You don't get to choose your family. And so sometimes we wind up in families with people who are...less than choose-worthy. Then again, a lot of people have a lot of mother-in-laws that they like a lot! Because mother-in-laws are a lot like people (some legends hold that they actually are people!!!), which means that…
Your favorite budding feminist's name will go down in HERtory if you buy her these awesome gifts, we swear! At the very least, she'll never say she's "not a feminist, but..." again.
As you get older, you will probably find that more and more of your friends are falling in love with each other and tying the knot. Despite this being a practice that human beings have done for thousands of years, the newlyweds in your life will quite possibly act annoyingly smug and proud about their nuptials, but —…
Ah, Anthropologie. It's the place you turn to when Urban Outfitters starts to feel too twee and you still can't afford real designer shit. You're in that in-between space, Anthropologie's sweet spot, and the store makes its riches by selling rags — and we fall for it hook, line, and adorable sinker rain boots (tm).…
Got some crafty people on your holiday gift list? Fear not — a present like one of these is bound to please even the pickiest of Do It Yourselfers. (And — self-interested bonus! — it virtually guarantees years of awesome knitted/crocheted/sewn or otherwise home-built gifts for you in turn.)
A good pair of scissors…
What do you, the most unabashedly selfish and inconsiderate member of your friend group, buy this holiday season for that one person in your life whose giving is not restricted by our Gregorian calendar? To defeat the charitable people in the world, we must first understand the charitable people in the world, and the…
Shopping for an out-of-work Eeyore? Or a glass-half-full Pollyanna? Or some other children's-entertainment metaphor about being unemployed? A lot of people are slogging through joblessness this holiday season, and I'll bet they could use a little cheer right about now. Even if your friend isn't in dire,…
Is your friend the kind of girl who wears a rings above her knuckle, takes pictures of herself smoking weed, wears a bra as a shirt but also wears shirts without bras? Does she very carefully craft a look that says, "I don't give a fuck" but in reality gives quit a few fucks? Do chains and whips excite her? Answer yes…
The world is a terrifying place where literally anything could go wrong at literally any moment. And if your Christmas list includes the sort of person whose idea of a dream home includes a nuclear fallout shelter-cum-Y2K bunker-cum-biological attack shack, you're going to give them something to assuage their…
When we asked for suggestions on what sort of gift a person might buy for a dejected Republican, most of the suggestions went something like this — "A CLUE AND A PLANE TICKET TO SOMALIA OR THE INSIDE OF MY BUTTHOLE!" Well, a clue won't fit in my future in-laws stockings, and I'm afraid buying a conservative college…
Stumped about what to buy your favorite self-proclaimed slut? Sure, you could get her lingerie and a vibrator (and, don't worry, there are some of the latter on this list), but she probably already has the essentials, right? Here are some more creative ideas for the friend who has no idea where (or with whom) she'll…
Do you have an entertainment enthusiast, movie superfan or TV obsessive on your list this year? We've got some ideas for gifts and stocking stuffers that film buffs and armchair TV critics will love.
It would seem like stoners are the easiest people to shop for because all you need to do is give them some weed. But that's so impersonal. It's the equivalent of giving an Amazon gift card. Plus, in all honesty, if your friends are really that into pot, then they probably smoke really good shit and don't need your…
Look, we all know that you're with Idris Elba, Joseph Gordon Levitt, Ryan Gosling and Tom Hardy. In other words: Your dream man. And even though, since he has you, he has everything, you still want to give him a present at the holidays. What do you give a guy like that? Here are a few ideas.
"They're like these weird nutrition bars my mom uses to lose weight." —Cady Heron, Mean Girls.
What I want, want, want is what you want, want, want…to give your friend who thinks she's Rihanna. You know the type—at once glamorous and sporty; someone who can look sexy no matter how stupid her haircut is; someone who has an edgy playfulness and whose nails always look perfect. I'm putting together a gift guide…
