Ok, that's an overstatement. And speaking of overstatement, I'm just going to let these two gems speak for themselves, because it's pretty clear that no amount of arguing or reasoned rhetoric is going to make a jot of difference. The first comes, not shockingly, from The Daily Mail. "How Germaine Greer's legacy is an entire generation of loose-knickered lady louts."

Older generations would call these women 'slappers' - and they would be right. Before the night is out, some of them will be bending over a storm drain, puking, weeping, wailing 'e don't love me!' before passing out under some sulphurous street lamp...Emmeline Pankhurst would be horrified, but this is where the remorseless quest for rights has taken the fairer sex. It has overshot liberty and landed in a sweaty jungle where women are equal to men in squalor and excess.

What follows is the usual litany of social hand-wringing and right-wing sermonzing, twinned with a Hirshman-esque slap at young women's irresponsible misinterpretation of "equality" and its disastrous effect on society. In dizzying succession, he calls out feminism, binge drinking, the welfare state, ivory tower intellectuals, the death of marriage, free love and, with particular vitriol, Germaine Greer.

The one thing they have not tried is questioning the orthodoxies of feminism. Might not the unhappiness and social disruption of so many teenage pregnancies be linked to the promiscuous hedonism preached since the 1960s by the likes of Germaine Greer?

None of this righteous agitprop comes as a shock from the publication that brings us simplistic moral outrage and Liz Jones in equal measure on a weekly basis. But the source of Exhibit B may surprise: Oprah.com. Here's its tagline: "Being a strong, powerful woman doesn't mean you have to be tough, overworked and unattractive. Karen Salmansohn explains how power and success come from being in touch with your feminine, sexy and loving side."

As the author rightly points out, "Almost from the introduction of the word "feminism" into our world, the definition has become corroded to mean something less than complimentary than its original intent. Somewhere along the line, to be a feminist started to mean a woman who's basically unattractive both in looks and spirit." And, rather than challenge that " shameful and highly unhelpful" notion, she concludes,

Women could truly benefit from finding a more inspiring word than "feminism" to stand by, as well as stand for, when seeking to become our most powerful and successful selves. We don't have to make a choice between feminine or powerful and successful. We can be all those things.With this in mind, I'd like to put forth that starting today, the word "feminism" be updated to become the new word "feminine-ism."...My goal is to inspire women to embrace being their fullest potential selves-feminine, sexy, warm, loving-everything the word "feminine" stands for, alongside strong qualities like powerful and successful.

In case you're wondering - and you probably don't have to - this is a cousin of the "fun, fearless female" school of empowerment. Or, as she puts it,

As a card-carrying "feminine-ist," I am here to tell you that feeling sexy is what helps me to be my most powerful and successful self, and being powerful and successful also helps me feel damn sexy! As "feminine-ists," we definitely don't need to make the choice between feminine or powerful and successful. We should and must try to embrace both choices simultaneously.

Because feminism, of course, forces one to make that choice. But that's not the best part: "Another good thing about bandying about words like "feminine-ist" and "feminine-ism"? Men can join in the bandying!" Before they were, apparently, barred from bandying. Tardy to the bandying party. If I were inclined to really get into this debate, which I'm not, because the arguments are reductive and silly and depressing and frankly insulting, I'd concede that within these screeds there are, of course, good points, and common ground, and even some common sense. But it's the sweeping generalizations, the perpetuation of reductive misconception, the sense of being pummeled from all sides that's so depressing. And millions of women will read this on Oprah.com, and agree, and possibly even shoe-horn the unwieldy neologism into the lexicon. And the Daily Mail will approve. And then they can all have a home-cooked dinner (in full makeup) and throw darts at a picture of Germaine Greer.

The First Ladette [Daily Mail]

Are You a Feminist or a Feminine-ist? [Oprah.com]

So, Germaine Greer writes an essay in the Guardian in which she apologizes for saying on TV that women aren't as funny as men. Then she says it some more, at great length. I won't bother dispatching her somewhat disjointed argument because Kate Harding, in Salon, does so very ably, pointing out that Greer dances around, but doesn't assert, the societal pressures that prevent women from honing those gifts generally considered comedic.

My primary reaction to these "debates" (and let it be said that the old saw prohibiting the analysis of comedy is, generally speaking, a good one) is...confusion. Because I find women really funny. Maybe I just have a taste for the "droll," (which Greer distinguishes from the actually funny) but I don't know who's supposed to be funnier than Barbara Pym or Laurie Colwin or, yes, Austen, while the allegedly riotous antics of The Ginger Man and Tom Robbins have always left me cold - and don't even get us started on Tina Fey or Carole Lombard. It's not so much that men are funnier; it's that the modern definition of "funny" seems to be a fundamentally masculine one - involving a lot of very aggressive antics - and by their own definition, sure, they're better at it, but mostly because almost no woman I know wants to carry on like a Hunter S. Thompson character. You'd think Germaine Greer would agree.

Women aren't funny, redux [Salon]

Beaten to the punchline [Guardian]

I've been wondering, while searching, why I haven't been getting as much variety as I'd hoped. Using the search engine, I've used the keywords "women" "woman" "female" and "fashion" or "style" or "models" or "actresses." And last night, it FINALLY occurred to me to try "girls." And of course, all these pictures of women came up. Surfer girls, chorus girls, girls in mini skirts. That's how they were captioned back then. It never dawned on me that I was being too modern about it. So. If you want to see "girls" of the 1930s, "girls" of the 1940s, "girls" of the 1950s or "girls" of the 1960s, I encourage you to poke around, and supplement my galleries of women in these decades.

And now: the 1970s.

California Girls. 1970.

The dog and the chick are living the dream.

Weightlifting Girls, 1972.

Former gymnasts and ballet dancers: Can you recall that thick itchy texture of the aptly named, unflattering thing known as the leotard?

Aspen girls, 1971.

Wow. Just wow. There's a whole series of shots on the "Aspen girl" lifestyle, which seems to involve skiing, swimming and booze.

Youths waiting at Battery Park to see Pope John Paul II. New York, 1979.

Only one young lady doesn't mind waiting to see the Pope. The others are all, "Come on, your holiness. It's freakin' raining."

LIFE Cover 4/2/1971 of pregnant teenager reading in front of class.

Don't you love when the years change and the headlines stay the same?

Enthusiastic and resolute women in large parade down Fifth Avenue on the 50th anniversary of the passage of the 19th Amendment, which granted the women the right to vote, as they march for further women's rights. New York, September, 1970.

As the kids say: Awesomesauce.

Six generations of women from an American family. 1972. Photograph by Alfred Eisenstaedt.

Amazing! So cool how some of them have glasses and all of them have the same wide mouth.

Signs saying "Women Unite" carried by women supporters during "Women's Liberation" demonstration on Fifth Avenue and on Wall Street. New York, 1970.

That is unite, not "untie."

Renate Stecher (R) in action during the women's 100 meter race at the Summer Olympics. Munich, 1972.

Do the American uniforms look like Garanimals?

US track athlete Mabel Fergerson in action at the Summer Olympics. Munich, 1972.

Fantastic shot.

Navajo woman modeling turquoise pins & a squash blossom necklace made by Native Americans. New Mexico, 1972.

Gorgeous. Want!

80 yr. old actress Mrs. Judith Lowry on motorcycle with grandson. 1970.

You don't even have to check Ms. Lowry's IMDb page to know that she is your new favorite person.

Congresswoman Bella S. Abzug attending political rally. 1972.

The word champagne and that hat and that dress = not politics as usual.

A female employee checking the gun that her boss keeps in the building for security purposes. 1972.

Note to self: Don't work here.

Female engineer Janet Petra Bonnema who was banned from a tunnel construction site because of superstitions. 1972.

Those fools! Have you ever heard of such an idiotic thing?

Democratic Reprsenative from California Mrs. Yvonne Brathwaite Burke. 1972

Yvonne Brathwaite Burke was the first African-American woman to represent the West Coast in Congress. She was a member of the California State Assembly from 1967–1973; was a member of the U.S. House of Representatives initially representing portions of Los Angeles from 1973–1979; represented the 4th district of L.A. from 1979–1980, and retired from the Los Angeles County board of supervisors on December 1 of 2008.

LIFE cover 08/21/1970: Mini skirted woman looking at a midi skirt for possible purchase.

This is an amazing photograph and proof that hem length is news-worthy!

Young African American girl blowing on a whistle. 1971.

I had a dress like that. Smocking was big.

Director Matt Cimber (R) directing the making of porn film "The Sexuous Woman." Hollywood,1970.

Sorry, but sex in that car cannot be comfortable.

Comedinne Phyllis Diller listening to the heart of a young woman during a "Stop Smoking Cruise." 1970.

El oh el at her eyebrows and watch!

Bizarrely dressed woman spectator at Watergate hearings. June, 1973.

"Deep throat is people!"

Gloria Steinem kneeling down beside Bella Abzug during the Democratic Convention. 1972.

This one seems like a good Hanukkah gift, no? Don't forget that any of these can be purchased framed!

Naked woman modeling body paint, which consists of a lei around her neck and pieces of fruit on her abdomen. 1970.

Yes, but: Why?

African American woman sitting on a motorcycle w. her child, part of the growing numbers of black motorcycle enthusiasts. 1971.

That kid definitely knows his mom is cooler than all of the other moms.

Employees of Saks Fifth Avenue watching a fashion show promoting midi-length skirts. 1970.

That front row is all disapproving malcontents. Love them.

Actor Rock Hudson sitting on MGM lot w. eight midi-skirted starlets who play opposite him in "Pretty Maids All In a Row." Hollywood, 1970.

Each of these dresses is wonderfully ridiculous in its own special way, and Rock Hudson knows it.

Instant Dress, 1972.

This dress also came in blue, and hopefully with instructions. It was called the "Instant Dress" but appeared to be a nylon sarong.

Instant dress, 1972.

Serving suggestions.

Actor Curt Jurgens w. wife and two female companions lathering up in a bathtub he had built in his den. France, 1972.

I want to go to there.

Candace Bergen, 1970.

This woman should always be surrounded by pastel rainbows.

Jane Fonda, 1971.

Jane Fonda, doing what she does best — bucking the system.

LIFE cover 05/07/1971 Feminist Germaine Greer.

Oh, hey!

Newlyweds kissing in heart-shaped tub on honeymoon at Cove Haven resort in the Poconos. 1971.

That camera on the tripod just left there all alone is Creepcity, USA.

"Lance Link - Secret Chimp" - TV Program. 1970.

Really? Really, America?

Contestant and Life Magazine reporter Judy Fayard on TV game show, "The Dating Game." Hollywood, 1972.

Sending out a big kiss to one of the best shows ever!

Cover of LIFE magazine dated 06/09/1972 w. pic of feminist Congresswoman Bella Abzug.

Again: Don't you love when the years change and the headlines stay the same?

Graduating African Americans wearing African style fashions at Howard University, during commencements. 1970.

Loving those glasses on the far right.

Kids' Wigs - J.C. Penny's Dept. Store. 1970.

Kid wigs! Click to see more styles!

Children at school bus stop. North Carolina, 1971.

Headband? Check. Glasses? Check. Braces? Check. Short-shorts? Check. Floral notebook? Check. Graphic jumpsuit? Check. Awesome sneakers? Check. Too cool for school? CHECK!

Life Magazine Photo Archive [Google]
Earlier: The Way We Were: Life Magazine Photos Of Women In The 1960s
The Way We Were: Life Magazine Photos Of Women In The 1950s
The Way We Were: Life Magazine Photos Of Women In The 1940s
The Way We Were: Life Magazine Photos Of Women In The 1930s

It's not that Cooke doesn't offer good examples of this feminist regression — she does, from the country's deplorable rape conviction rate to the media's mauling of Amy Winehouse — it's that she, and the editors of the Observer, barely managed to speak to young British feminists about what was going on in the grass roots of the current movement.

Sure, she has one brief quote from 27-year-old Jess McCabe, the woman behind the excellent UK Feminist website The F Word, but of the eight articles about women in the Observer special, not a single one is written by an emerging feminist or speaks in depth to a woman under 35. There's an article about the women behind the 1970 National Women's Liberation Conference, and another article which is an interview with retired newscaster Anna Ford. But the only article that even attempts to speak to women in their 20s, barely bothers to speak to women specifically involved in the feminist movement.

That particular article, "What's it like to be young, female and living in Britain?" asks a range of young women, from models to Olympic athletes to a few activists, about their personal experiences. Silver medallist in modern pentathlon, Heather Fell, says: "In some ways I'm a traditionalist — I think the man should be there to look after the woman. For me, feminism means women thinking we can do everything without needing men and I don't agree with that." They speak to a 21-year-old engineer who says she's never encountered sexism, and a model who helped found the model's union in the UK who says, "I never liked the word 'feminist' — for me it always meant being against men, whereas I see myself fighting for general equality." One of only two self-proclaimed feminists the Observer talks to is burgeoning politician Rania Khan, who says "I describe myself as a feminist, but feminism doesn't make sense to me as a separate entity. I see it as part of the wider struggle for equality, alongside class and race. I want to see more women, especially from ethnic minorities, involved in politics. Women need to be educated and empowered to take those key positions; only then will we see change."

Khan's brief comments in that one article say far more about the state of modern feminism than the thousands of words spilled by older, and dare I say, more out of touch feminist lights. It's a movement that has become more global, and while it's certainly less cut and dry than the battles those 70s feminists were fighting, that doesn't mean the current issues are not important, or that feminism is dead. This is not to denigrate those incredibly important battles in the least, but I wonder if in some ways, it's time for print media to start handing over the mantle.

Two self-proclaimed feminists I see published in the MSM quite frequently are Germaine Greer and Camille Paglia. Both these women have contributed to the feminist lexicon, but these days they seem to be purely deliberate provocateurs, one of whom is obsessed with denigrating Hillary Clinton's appearance, and the other busy lashing out at Lady Di. The Observer's spread even includes one of these past-prime provocateurs, Fay Weldon, who has written in the Daily Mail recently about how teen girls should be temporarily sterilized and how the Spice Girls ruined feminism. Maybe the picture of modern feminism would not seem so bleak to the Observer if they looked beyond the old-fashioned, all-white faces of 20th century feminism to the new movements roiling right under their noses, yet curiously off their pages.

How Far Have We Come In 80 Years? [Guardian]
It's Been A Long Journey — And We're Not There Yet [Guardian]
The Interview: Anna Ford [Guardian]
What's It Like To Be Young, Female And Living In Britain? [Guardian]

Earlier: Camille Paglia Hates Hillary, Loves Mailer, Is Miffed At Madonna
Who's Afraid Of The Badly Dressed Princess?
Daily (Hate) Mail
British Novelist Says Spice Girls Made Generation Y Drunk, Slutty

Rather than just hating on the color pink, Greer calls Michelle's dress "a red butcher apron" and says "could hardly have chosen anything more saturnine" (by which she meant morose and glum). But it gets worse:

The effect of the strong contrast was to turn a mere frock into a poster in the most disturbing colours known to man, the colours of chaos. The juxtaposition of a rectangle of red on a black field is what we might expect to find on a flag or a shield. Coral snakes and venomous spiders signal their destructive potential by the display of similarly violent contrasts.

Um, I wear black with red all the time, and I hardly have Michelle's coloring or body — not that I'm about to take fashion advice from Mistress of Grey Greer.

Greer also takes Michelle to task for the size of her head and her decision to never wear stiletto heels, which might have everything to do with comfort, but which Greer attributes, strangely, to the need to make her head appear smaller than Obama's. And then she goes back to the dress:

The original is at least eight inches shorter than the Obama version, and the neckline a good six inches lower. The splash of red, rather than pouring halfway down the thigh, ends above the crotch and extends from hip to hip, with a small flare on each breast, avoiding entirely the butcher's apron effect. The Grant Park version of this cute and sexy dress was a travesty.

So, Greer is suggesting that Michelle's dress should have been shorter, lower cut and more deliberately sexy, and that to pair it with a cardigan in Chicago in November was a tragedy of heretofore unimagined proportions? Michelle should have stepped on stage with full-on goosebumps and shivered her way through the crowd-waving rather than despoil Narciso Rodriguez's creation for comfort? Really?

Was it my favorite outfit of Michelle Obama's? No. Was it situationally-appropriate, relatively flattering and anything but a national disaster? Yeah, I think so. But, either way, sitting here in my striped pajama pants ($5 on sale at Target), blue tank top ($10, Ann Taylor Factory store) and ponytail, I wouldn't feel like I had a lot of room to be as nasty as Greer about it even if I thought otherwise — and if I made public appearances in Birks, stockings, over-long grey sweaters and little floral skirts, I might think yet again about doing so.

If Michelle Obama's Such A Great Dresser, What Was She Doing In This Red Butcher's Apron? [The Guardian]

• Hugh Hefner and his gang are planning on opening a new Playboy club and casino in London. • Speaking of Playboy: readers can find out what "the girls of Olive Garden" look like behind the shapeless white button-downs. • An adorable and blind 5-year-old girl in Korea who never learned how to formally play piano can play a song on the piano after just one listen. • Indian cricketer and mega-celeb needs female bodyguards to protect him from crazed female fans. • Hey '80s TV fans: Square Pegs is on DVD! See SJP before SATC! • Missy Chase Lapine's charges of plagiarism against Jessica Seinfeld for her create-bad-food-habits-by-lying-to-your-kids-about-healthy-food cookbook have lifted the sales of both books on Amazon. Whatever, Jessica Seinfeld still sucks. • A 14-year-old girl broke the record for fastest swim across Lake Erie on Sunday with a time of 5 hours, 40 minutes, and 35 seconds.

Cindi Leive, editor in chief of Glamour, doesn't really understand what the big deal is either. She said at an event held by Mediabistro idiotically titled "Skirts, Slacks and Supper": "I think it's a bit hypocritical how up in arms everybody is about it because clearly girls are sexualized far too early in this culture all the time, so we look at that one, I agree, relatively tame picture and we're suddenly so shocked, shocked! It seems a little disingenuous."

Speaking of disingenuousness, blogger Auntie Fashion posted a picture of then-17-year-old model Behati Prinsloo in a see-through shirt, walking down the runway in Lagerfeld. Auntie was outraged when he realized that the girl was under age, and asks, "Where were this child's parents when she was walking down the runway in a see-through top. Where were her agents? Where was Karl Lagerfeld?"

Maybe ol' Karl was checking out Disney billboards in China, looking for his next runway star. According to Daniel Brook at Slate in Beijing he spotted a billboard showing " a white girl who looked all of 12, reclining in a matching bra-and-panties set adorned with Disney's signature mouse-ear design. In a particularly creepy detail, the pigtailed child was playing with a pair of Minnie Mouse hand puppets. In the upper left-hand corner was the familiar script of the Disney logo." When Brook notified Disney, they were horrified — apparently they license Disney products to a third party, and with thousands of such third parties, they don't have the time to comb through every piece of advertising that gets created. Brook, however, was reassured by Disney execs that the offending billboard would be taken down immediately.

The age of consent in China is 14, a year younger than Miss Miley. Even with the big hullabaloo about Miley's Vanity Fair pics, the media will continue to sexualize teenagers especially as long as the "ideal" body type to many is one possessed mostly by the under 18-set. And it might not ultimately ruin Miley's life anyway. Brooke Shields' Calvin Klein ads from 1980 made her a cultural icon, and she doesn't seem to regret them one bit. "The response] was immediate," Shields told VF in last month's issue. "It was me and the jeans. We were inseparable. I didn't do a television show without that being in my bio. I didn't go on the street without somebody saying, 'Got your Calvins on?' People still come up to me and mention it."

'We Like Our Venuses Young' [Guardian]
To Timberlake, Or Not To Timberlake? The Debate [Portfolio]
Mickey Mouse Operation [Slate]
Double Standards [Auntie Fashion]
Calvin To The Core [Vanity Fair]

Earlier: Is Tween Titillation More Offensive Than Casual Racism?
Miley Cyrus Is Not The Innocent Victim That Disney Makes Her Out To Be

Then comes crazypants Camille Paglia, who hates on Hillary in a screed in Salon. Because of Hillary's upbringing alongside feckless male siblings, Paglia posits that Clinton hates all men: "Hillary's willingness to tolerate Bill's compulsive philandering is a function of her general contempt for men. She distrusts them and feels morally superior to them...Hillary's disdain for masculinity fits right into the classic feminazi package, which is why Hillary acts on Gloria Steinem like catnip."

Possibly to balance out Camille's rant, Salon also runs a far more sane and well-argued piece by Frances Kissling, who says that while Clinton intelligence is to be respected, she's bothered by Hillary's "stereotypical male" posturing. "In [Hillary's] own mind it is only a certain kind of man who is qualified to be president," Kissling writes, "and she will be that man: tough on everything from war, flag burning, kids' access to video games, illegal immigrants and Palestinians. She has missed the opportunity to talk about what it really means for women to be equal in this country."

Finally, Gail Collins in the New York Times has a different spin on why women in New Hampshire were possibly affected by Hillary's show of emotion. "This week, Hillary was a stand-in for every woman who's overdosed on multitasking," Collins says. "They grabbed at the opportunity to have kids/go back to school/start a business/become a lawyer. But there are days when they can't meet everybody's needs and the men in their lives — loved ones and otherwise — make them feel like failures or towers of self-involvement. And the deal is that they can either suck it up or look like a baby."

For Crying Out Loud! [Guardian]
Hillary Without Tears [Salon]
Why I'm Still Not For Hillary Clinton [Salon]
Hillary's Free Pass [New York Times]

Fish-in-vag aside, I should definitely get over misogynistic undertones when uber feminist Germaine sodding Greer is penning columns about how awesome Zeppelin is.

Greer writes about a Zeppelin concert she attended in 1970 at Albert Hall:

The Albert Hall acoustic is peculiar: the sound came up to me with a force that pummelled me breathless. No other band ever managed to make a sound like that. It was certainly loud, but it was also driving, pushing along with incredible energy. Up there above the heaving crowd, I couldn't believe the transcendental noise I was hearing.

So they let the "interspecies hi-jinks" get a little out of hand. It was the 70s. Everyone was so busy doing coke and summoning the occult I doubt they remember any of it in the first place.

Led Zeppelin: The First, The Biggest, And Still The Best... [Independent]
Germaine Greer: The Night Led Zeppelin Blew My Mind [Telegraph]

As for Diana's fashion icon status, Greer dismisses her 'nondescript' sartorial choices as comparable to that of female TV newsreaders. 'Diana was never a fashion icon; she dressed to the same demotic standard of elegance as TV anchorwomen do, plus the inevitable hat.'

Pop Videos 'Harm Girls' Self-Esteem' [DailyTelegraph]
Feminist Icon Praises NME's Beth Ditto Cover [NME]
Related: Dolls Clad In Feminism, And Hardly Anything Else [NYTimes]
Empowered? Try Nauseated [NYTimes]
Earlier: Memo To Women's Magazine Editors: White Women Hate Themselves After Reading Your Magazines
Year Of The Living Dolls

"These girls are lowering themselves to the level of backstreet floozies. They are cheapening their own image and obliterating all the glamour, which is the heart of the star system."

Find out who said it, after the jump. And prepare for your head to explode.

Yup. That's right. Camille Paglia. Camille fucking Paglia in In Touch magazine. Maybe the social theory of Dyonisian human sexuality ain't paying so well these days.

Expect Germain Greer in Life&Style and Naomi Wolfe in Star any day now.