• According to Radar Online, Tiger Woods has agreed to pay alleged mistress Rachel Uchitel "more than one million but less than three million" to keep her from sharing the details of their relationship with the public. [RadarOnline]

• Yet the reported payoff might not be enough to stop the embarrassing tabloid stories from popping up: a friend of Uchitel is now claiming that Woods had dreams about Uchitel with other famous men, writing such things as "I came home, excited to see you, and there you were in the bedroom getting f—ked by Derek and David [Boreanaz]. Some part of me thinks you would like that." [USWeekly]
• Meanwhile, a fourth alleged mistress of Woods, a VIP cocktail waitress who claims she had an affair with Woods back in 2004, has "lawyered up." [TMZ]
• Amy Adams and her fiance, Darren Legallo, have announced that they are expecting their first child. Congrats! [People]
• Naomi Campbell has hired a bodyguard to accompany her in Miami due to an "aggressive female stalker" who has given her trouble in the past. [PageSix]
• Rihanna hit up a NYC club on Thursday night and preferred to party with her girlfriends: "Rihanna was having a great time," says a source, "She danced until 4 a.m. in a skintight dress. She drank champagne and vodka. While every guy in the room wanted to get to her, she only stuck with her girlfriends. They even went to the bathroom together. She insisted on arriving and leaving through the back door — alone." [PageSix]
• ABC has apparently forgiven Adam Lambert: he's been booked to perform on The View December 10. [TMZ]
• "Brad and I have three magnificent children and we look forward to raising them. We say we are going to be a family that lives in two different houses. There are challenges, but I think it will be a good year."-Jane Kaczmarek on her divorce from Bradley Whitford [People]
• Helen Mirren says that though things have improved for women in Hollywood since she started out, there's still quite a ways to go: "It has not gone nearly far enough... I want to see more women behind the camera," she noted while picking up her Women In Film lifetime achievement award, "We have great women working in this industry. Let's celebrate them with this award." [Mirror]
• "Opening that center is one of my greatest achievements because it's something I've always wanted to do for other women. It's part of the charitable organization I co-founded with Steve Stoute in 2008, Foundation for the Advancement of Women Now. Our initiative is to educate, encourage and empower women. Yonkers is where I grew up and saw women destroyed, both physically and mentally. So this center is beautiful for me because maybe those women's children or their children's children can go there and get help. I'm hoping to see FFAWN and Mary J. Blige Centers all over the world. Outside of music, that's probably the one thing to which I will devote a lot of my time."- Mary J. Blige, on opening the Mary J. Blige Center for Women [Reuters]
• Miley Cyrus was turned away at an over-21 club on Wednesday night because she's well, not over 21. [TMZ]
• A truck carrying roughly 50-75 dresses for Victoria Beckham's new fashion line, worth approximately £350,000, was robbed last night at knife-point in London. "This operation was meticulously planned. The thieves must feel they can make a fortune selling the collection on the black market," says a source, "Victoria was informed straight away about the incident and was shocked and deeply saddened, although her first priority was the well-being of the driver." The dresses were eventually supposed to be delivered to Neiman-Marcus in New York City.[DailyMail]
• Morgan Freeman, who began taking flying lessons in 2002 and now has a pilot's license, is going to christen his new private jet with a trip around the world. [DailyExpress]
• Jake Gyllenhaal's mother, screenwriter Naomi Foner, would really like to see him play Danny Kaye in a film. "(We'd watch) Five Pennies, The Court Jester and Hans Christian Anderson," Gyllenhaal says, "My mother was a big Danny Kaye fan and would always play me these movies. She is, in fact, the person who always calls me up and is like, 'You should redo The Court Jester!'" [DailyExpress]
• Katie Holmes eats french fries, world apparently stops turning. [DailyMail]
• "To me it's strange that, you know, my sister calls me a weirdo. I love my sister, we get along, but I'm the weirdo? I'm the one that's weird? You buy a magazine with pictures of celebrities' children in them so you can read about children in magazines, and I'm the fucking weirdo?"-Zach Galifianakis [Guardian]
• Sienna Miller and Jude Law were spotted leaving Law's apartment minutes apart last night, which means they may be back together. Alternately, it means absolutely nothing. [DailyMail]
• "Elton lives on that. He will not be happy until I bang on his door in the middle of the night saying, 'Please, please, help me, Elton. Take me to rehab.' It's not going to happen. Elton just needs to shut his mouth and get on with his own life. Look, if people choose to believe that I'm sitting here in my ivory tower, Howard Hughesing myself with long fingernails and loads of drugs, then I can't do anything about that, can I? People want to see me as tragic with all the cottaging and drug-taking... those things are not what most people aspire to, and I think it removes people's envy to see your weaknesses. I don't even see them as weaknesses any more. It's just who I am."-George Michael, on his drug use. [DailyMail]
• Michael Keaton says he has two of his Batsuits from his days playing Batman for Tim Burton, but he's afraid they might be falling apart: "One is in storage. Sometimes I think, I know I'm going to go there and rats will have eaten it and I am going to go 'No!'. They are going to be worth a lot of money." [DailyExpress]
• "Yeah, we were mates. God, that was so cool. It was the saving grace. Because it got a bit sticky after the Beatles. No, we were really good mates again - it was lovely, actually."- Paul McCartney, on his relationship with John Lennon before Lennon's death. [TimesOnline]
• Nicolas Cage was presented with the U.N. Correspondents Association's Global Citizen of the Year award last night and named a UN Goodwill Ambassador in honor of his commitment to humanitarian work. [Yahoo]
• Jessica Simpson has "completely fallen" for Billy Corgan and wants to "take things a lot further." In related news, my brain has just melted all over my keyboard and my copy of Siamese Dream just spontaneously combusted in the corner of the room. [JustJared]

• Justin Timberlake's grandmother has confirmed his split from Jessica Biel. Sadie Bomar says they broke up because, "Jessica was keen to marry, but Justin isn't ready..."

• She added, "The girlfriends come and go, but we believe nothing has ever been serious." [The Mirror]
• Elizabeth Taylor announced on her Twitter page today that she's about to undergo heart surgery. She wrote: "It's very new and involves repairing my leaky valve using a clip device, without open heart surgery, so that my heart will function better... Any prayers you happen to have lying around I would dearly appreciate. I'll let you know when it's all over." [People]
• Chris Brown is planning to tour again for his remaining fans. He Tweeted: "BOUT TO START A SMALL TOUR SOON.. 15 TO 20 DATES.. MY FAN APPRECIATION TOUR. just for yall.nothin bigger than 4,ooo seater." [TMZ]
• A private investigator and celebrity lawyer Mark Geragos (who defended Chris Brown) were seen entering Nicole Richie's estate. Could it have something to do with one of the paparazzi rear ending her car yesterday? [TMZ]
• Lindsay Lohan looked "out of it and gaunt" at the Ungaro runway show on Sunday and Michael Lohan says, "I'm going to get her off the prescription drugs that she's on." He continues, "You know why Lindsay's not acting in feature films right now? Because she can't. Because the girl with all the talent is hidden and buried deep inside this fungus that's grown because of the prescription drugs. She can't be herself. When you hug her she's like, vacant inside. When she kisses or holds me I get chills, and not in a good way-in a bad way." He says everything was fine before he and Dina got divorced and now Lindsay is being taken advantage of by "enablers." [Radar Online]
• Brooke Shields and Jim Belushi survived a minor plane crash on Friday. They were parked on the landing strip at Hearst Castle and the Cessna they were in rolled into an SUV when the pilot forgot to put on the parking brake. [TMZ]
• Usher has delayed his divorce from Tameka Raymond by not signing the divorce papers. "Tameka thinks that it's ironic that "Papers" is his comeback single when she just wants him to sign the paperwork and finalize the divorce," says a source. "The terms and conditions have been agreed on for around a month but he keeps stalling on them and she's the one that wants to move on with her life." [Radar Online]
• Kate Gosselin filed court paper yesterday demanding that Jon Gosselin return $230,000 to their bank account and sell his luxury cars. She also wants Jon to produce a complete record of all the money he spent in the past two months and to be held in contempt of their Interim Arbitration Award. [Radar Online]
• Mel Gibson's lawyers are asking a judge to expunge Gibson's DUI conviction for the "sugar tits" incident from his record. He's completed three years of probation. [TMZ]
• ...aaaand Judge Lawrence Mira granted their request and expunged the DUI. [TMZ]
• Tom Cruise slipped into the back of a Harvard Law class to watch his lawyer Bertram Fields lecture. Fields asked Cruise to comment on issues about tabloids and privacy, and how films are rated a few times. Cruise stayed after class to talk with students and sign autographs. [Harvard Law Record]
• City National Bank is suing Toni Braxton for breach of contract for falling behind on payments of a $900,000 promissory note. [Radar Online]
• Miley Cyrus, who canceled three shows last week because of a severe throat infection, Tweets: "Gotta get up at 6:30! Its my first day back for goodness sakes! You'd think they'd learn their lesson and take it a little slower but noooo." [Daily Express]
• Michael Crichton's widow has filed a creditor's claim against his estate for $7 million. Her prenup entitled her to $1 million a year for nine years, but she had only received $2 million when he died. [TMZ]
• Sources say Tom DeLay will withdraw from Dancing With The Stars tonight due to stress fractures in both his feet. DeLay danced last night even though doctors told him not to. "They're starting to tell me I shouldn't have done this," he said, "I ice [my feet]. I've got a bone stimulator machine that I put on them."[People]
• ZOMG: The November 9 episode of Gossip Girl will feature major characters in a threesome. [EW]
• Kenny Goss, George Michael's partner of 13 years, left him this past Christmas but they've been trying to keep the split quiet. A source says "Kenny had given George many chances. But after the Hampstead Heath incident he said he couldn't take any more. Everyone knew George wasn't just in there to do drugs - the place is well known as a place to pick up men." [Daily Express]
• George Michael's rep says, "There is no truth in the matter at all. Kenny has been away in Dallas where he owns a gallery but is scheduled to return home this Friday. They are planning a lovely weekend together." Daily Mail]
• CBS Television Distribution wants to turn Nancy Grace into the next Judge Judy. The syndicator is developing a half-hour daytime show with Grace described as "a new take on the court show." [Broadcasting Cable]
• Martha Stewart says her biggest regret is "Not having a dozen offspring." [Vanity Fair]
• David Letterman's apology last night was watched by 4.2 million people, a higher rating than anything NBC had on in prime time. [Variety]
• George Clooney's parents, Nick and Nina Clooney, went to the Kentucky State Capitol today to receive the 2009 Kentucky Governor's Awards in the Arts on their son's behalf. Clooney was born in Lexington, Kentucky. [CBS News]
• Helen Hunt was in talks to replace Maura Tierney on Parenthood, but now the role has been offered to Lauren Graham. [Entertainment Weekly]
• A man had a seizure at a screening of Lars von Trier's Antichrist during the scene in which Charlotte Gainsbourg attacks Willem Dafoe's genitalia. [N.Y. Observer]
• Padma Lakshmi says, "One thing that happens when you're pregnant is that as your stomach starts to stretch [and] it itches! So I have to keep my belly really lubricated... Every morning, there's a buttering ceremony after I get out of the shower. It's really like basting a turkey with body butter." [People]
• Bethenny Frankel says none of her RHONY castmates have congratulated her on getting her own show. "What's funny is nobody on my cast has said a single word to me about it," Frankel says, "It must be a giant elephant [in the room]." [People]
• Anna Paquin says she and Stephen Moyer are planning a low key wedding. "I wasn't the girl who spent hours dreaming of my wedding," she says. "It's more about being family than becoming bridezilla overnight and wearing some big meringue wedding dress. That would scare the shit out of me." [Ok]
• There were rumors that Mad Men's Bryan Batt and his longtime partner Tom Cianfichi were getting married in Vermont this Christmas, but his rep says it isn't true, explaining, "Their goal is to eventually marry, but the time has yet to be determined and will not happen this year." [TV Guide]

• Lily Allen was performing in Helsinki, Finland when she burst into tears. Before the show, she Tweeted:

"Fell over badly last night and I've really fucked my back up. Just had an injection in my bum. How am I gonna get through tonight's gig?" Throwing out your back is terrible! So is Lily's hair/makeup in these pix. [Daily Mail]

• Bill Maher said he once saw Brad Pitt roll the most perfect joint he had ever seen. "I'm an artist," Brad agreed. [NY Daily News]
• Brad Pitt is being added to Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes as the detective's arch enemy. The character of Moriarty was missing from a rough cut of the film, and movie execs insisted the famous nemesis be added to the flick. Ritchie called old pal Pitt (who was in Snatch) and he'll film this week in London. [Mirror]
• The Dancing With The Stars season 9 cast: Revealed! Macy Gray, Melissa Joan Hart, Kathy Ireland, Mya, Iron Chef host Mark Dacascos, Ashley Hamilton, former Dallas Cowboy Michael Irvin, Donny Osmond, Tom DeLay (?!?!?!), Olympic swimming gold medalist Natalie Coughlin, model Joanna Krupa, Debi Mazar, Kelly Osbourne, Aaron Carter, Chuck Liddell, and snowboarder Louie Vito. [ABC News]
• Jennifer Aniston complimented a woman pole-dancing on the set of The Bounty, saying she looked like a professional. The lady replied, "I am!" [Gatecrasher]
• George Clooney plans to sue a photographer who climbed over the wall of his Lake Como home and took pictures of a 13-year-old girl changing in a guest room, as well as snaps of Clooney and gf Elisabetta Canalis. Cloons says: "I don't know about the law in the United States, but in Italy it's illegal for photographers to climb over my wall. He'll also press charges against two magazines who published the photos. [Gatecrasher]
• Beyoncé: Secretly taking ballet classes at Alvin Ailey School of Dance. [Gatecrasher]
• Jon Gosselin went to a party thrown by a student at Parsons School Of Design. He only stayed for 20 minutes, but arrived with a paparazzo and left with two female students. Keepin' it classy. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Even though Paula Abdul won't be on Dancing With The Stars, she MIGHT get a ABC show of her own. Paula's Wacky Clappy Variety Show? [TMZ]
• Madonna performed in Warsaw on Saturday even though it was a holy date, the Assumption of Mary feast. National group Pro Polonia called her a "crypto-Satanist," which is not very crypto. [Daily Express]
• Bob Dylan was on tour and took a walk in Long Branch, NJ, when he was stopped by cops; a resident had reported someone "wandering" around the neighborhood. A cop asked him for I.D. "I don't think she was familiar with his entire body of work," says a town official. [NY Daily News]
• Jennifer Lopez is looking pretty hot on the cover of InStyle and inside she's saying stuff like: "There's nothing as huge as giving birth to another human being and having to be responsible for another life. There's you before kids, and there's you after kids – and they're not the same you." [People]
• Mark Wahlberg was rushed to the hospital on Friday morning after suffering smoke inhalation on the set of The Frighter. A smoke machine was being used for atmosphere and Wahlberg breathed in too much. [RadarOnline, Daily Express]
• Amy Winehouse's divorce from Blake Fielder-Civil will be finalized at the end of the month, but Blake allegedly told a reporter: "I want to take her out for dinner and propose again. I hope that within five minutes we'll be planning where we're next going to get married." [Daily Mail]
• Blake also says: "She is looking beautiful and healthy now and it reminds me of the old Amy." [News Of The World]
• Amy will appear on Strictly Come Dancing in September as a backup singer for her 13-year-old goddaughter Dionne Bromfield, and there's a cute picture of them hugging at the link. [Mirror]
• Bodysnarky opening sentence of the day: "She's looking thinner than ever, but there's one part of Victoria Beckham that looks set to put on a lot of weight very quickly - her wallet. Posh Spice has landed a £3million contract on American Idol…" [Daily Mail]
• Joe Simpson is pushing Jessica Simpson as the perfect replacement for Paula Abdul on American Idol. [Page Six]
• Saturday night after a Fall Out Boy show, Ashlee Simpson and husband Pete Wentz were at a bar when Ashlee got wasted, yelled at Pete and made him leave his own party early. Charming! [Perez]
• Jane Fonda, 71, might marry 67-year-old Richard Perry next year, which would be her fourth wedding. [Daily Express]
• So many contradictory stories about MJ. We first heard that he was strong during rehearsals. This report claims: "Michael Jackson was so weak in his final days he needed to be SPOON-FED meals, his make-up artist has revealed." [The Sun]
• "Michael Jackson's body has been moved in secret to a new crypt, where it's been frozen." [Daily Express]
• This report claims that Michael Jackson will be buried on what would have been his 51st birthday, August 29. Or so says Joe Jackson. [Gatecrasher]
• You know how Michael Phelps was in a car accident last week? Turns out he was driving with an expired license and told cops he had a beer about an hour before the crash. [TMZ]
• George Michael on his car smashup: "Neither of us was charged because we were both stone cold sober. We both think the other is to blame so this is just an insurance fight." [E!]
• Eva Longoria is expanding her restaurant business, and soon she'll have a Beso Vegas and "Besitos" in ariports. [People]
• Kristin Bauer, who plays Pam on True Blood, thinks Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer will have kids together since Anna is "great" with Stephen's kids from previous relationships. [E!]
• Tons of Gossip Girl spoilers at the link, and yes, there are details on Chuck and Blair — with a HOT picture of the Bass. [People]
• Matthew Settle — Gossip Girl's Rufus — skateboards through New York during rush hour. [NY Times]
• Actress Aishwarya Rai has a chest infection with flu-like symptoms. [Times Of India]
• Anna Friel will play Holly Golightly in an upcoming stage production of Breakfast At Tiffany's in London. [Times Of London]
• The Office's Amy Ryan — who plays Holly Flax — is pregnant. [E!]
• An excerpt of Alana Stewart's book, My Journey With Farrah: A Story Of Life, Love And Friendship, at the link. [Daily Mail]
• Bananarama's back. [Daily Mail]
• Aberdeen, Washington has the title of one hometown hero Kurt Cobain's songs, "Come As You Are," posted at the entrance of town. An unofficial park has been established next to the bridge under which Cobain hung out and wrote songs. [LA Times]
• Blind item! "Which D-list relationship recently ended when the gal found out her man's secret vice was boy-on-boy action?" [Gatecrasher]
• "I can't tell you how far from a gold-digger I am. I've never dated a rich man in my life. I've always wondered how girl friends of mine could even ask their boyfriends to buy them clothes." — Samantha Burke, who was impregnated by Jude Law. [Daily Mail]
• "I thought it was an incredibly sexual role and a challenge to be an 'older woman' in the film. Roles always challenge me in some personal way and that was one I wanted to overcome: 'Wow, all of a sudden, you've become the "Older Woman" in a movie. Let's give the younger ones a run for their money.'" — Anne Heche on playing opposite Ashton Kutcher in Spread. [LA Times]
• "This season, I really want to get back to the guerilla style I used to have. I want to try to get back to my roots and make it crazy. In the first episode, I get buried alive in a coffin, six feet under 5,000 pounds of snow. I want people to realize I'm not complacent because I have a little bit of success and a little money. Hopefully in return I can raise the level of the art form to the level other art forms receive, like the cinema.… I just really loved the ability as a kid to do something that adults didn't understand. It was like power. Then I realized as a teenager that there was more to the art of magic than how you did it. It's trying to connect to somebody." — Criss Angel, whose Mindfreak is back on A&E for its 5th season. [LA Times]
• "I like everything about filming except the acting. In recent years I've had really bad attacks where I totally froze up. I thought 'Well, if I am going to get stage fright, then I am packing it in.'" — Hugh Grant. [Daily Mail]
• "I think anybody that's touring is going to have a carbon footprint. I think it's probably unfair to single out rock 'n' roll. There's many other things that are in the same category but as it happens we have a program to offset whatever carbon footprint we have." — The Edge, annoyed by critics of U2's travel. [Daily Express]
• "The Harry Potter books are not explicitly religious in the way that C.S. Lewis's Narnia tales are, but there is a strong sense of evil, and issues of good and evil are not only philosophical issues but also theological issues." —University of Massachusetts-Amherst philosophy professor Gareth B. Matthews. [UPI]
• "I think when I started I was working in the vein of The Dirty Dozen or The Devil's Brigade. But now watching the completed film with audiences, I don't think there has ever been a World War II movie like it. That can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on your taste, but it's definitely a thing." — Quentin Tarantino on Inglourious Basterds. [WSJ]
• "Don Cheadle could play me, but I hope they just go with the obvious casting choice." — Richard Belzer, when asked who would play Richard Belzer if his crime novel about a a New York City police detective named Richard Belzer were made into a TV show. [Publishers Weekly]
• "I've had my heart broken before. Truly, truly broken. But when I look back at me in my heartbroken phase, it's pretty hilarious, because it felt so much more extreme than it really was. One of the things I love about (500) Days of Summer is that it doesn't make light of what we go through in romances, but it is honest about it and shows it for what it is, which is often profoundly funny." — Joseph Gordon-Levitt. [Guardian]
• "The speed of news creates so much vertigo. I am a very private person." — Penelope Cruz. [Telegraph]
• "We kind of rolled our eyes at the idea of having to make out." — Amanda Seyfried on her Jennifer's Body girl-on-girl scene with Megan Fox. [Page Six via Entertainment Weekly]
• "I remember really vividly kneeling by my bed as a nine-year-old, saying my prayers and asking God to give me boobs that were so big that if I laid on my back I wouldn't be able to see my feet. Eventually that request was granted. A bit of divine intervention displays the power of prayer. Every time before I go on stage, or go out where I know there will be a lot of press, I take a skipping rope and spend about ten minutes, fully clothed, skipping. I look like Rocky. This way I can ensure that everything is firmly in place and I won't have a wardrobe malfunction. Don't want those boulders doing a show of their own." — Katy Perry. [The Sun]

• Breaking the hearts of every boy I went to elementary, middle, and high school with, Alyssa Milano married her boyfriend of three years, David Bugliari, in New Jersey yesterday. Bugliari's good friend, Bradley Cooper was in attendance. [People]

• Milano wore a Vera Wang gown and walked down the aisle to John Lennon's "Imagine." [E!]
• Madonna celebrated her 51st birthday in Poland earlier today, giving a concert for her fans, despite protests from local Catholics, who were angered that the singer's visit coincided with The Feast of the Assumption. [AP]
• Sting's daughter, Coco Sumner says that the rumors about her father's obsession with tantric sex were made up by his friend, Bob Geldof: "Bob Geldof made up this thing and it stuck and it's an international joke. It is a bit embarrassing when people bring it up. I don't really have anything to do with my parents' sex life. They love each other. So what?" [DailyMail]
• Kate Hudson's estranged father, Bill Hudson, is publicly asking the actress to reunite with him so that she can meet her 3-year-old half-sister, Lalania. DailyExpress]
• Robert Pattinson was attacked by three aliens at Comic Con! Naturally, he was terrified, until the "aliens" took off their masks to reveal they were just teenage Twilight fans. And then, of course, he was even more terrified. (No, not really. He was very nice to them, apparently.) [ShowbizSpy]
• Big Brother's Chima Simone was kicked off the program Friday night for "violating the rules," according to CBS. "She will not be part of the show's jury," the network says, "Her eviction will be addressed on an upcoming broadcast of the show." [EW]
• "I thought I'd asked enough people and triple-checked. But it is just one letter out, I think it's an easy fix. I think it's kind of funny too. How typical! As soon as I realised, I couldn't stop telling people and everyone would bust up laughing."- Hayden Panetierre on her misspelt tattoo [DailyMirror]
• Jennifer Westfeldt has reportedly been "angling" for a guest spot on boyfriend Jon Hamm's Mad Men, "but has been told by producers that 'they can't find the right storyline' for her." [PageSix]
• "I'm reacting against that attitude. This complete victimisation of the war with the violin music and the anti-war aspect to everything. These self-serious movies have been the deal for the past 20 years, whereas back in the 1940s, when the f***ing war was going on, it wasn't sacrilegious to make a war movie that dared to be entertaining. So I'm not going to apologise for being funny, or for making an exciting adventure movie."-Quentin Tarantino on Inglorious Basterds[TimesOnline]
• Just in case you care, Ashley Tisdale is NOT dating Taylor Lautner: "I have a bf. No idea where that got started." [ShowbizSpy]
• Tyra Banks eats frozen dinners and energy bars. Celebrities! They're just like us and so on and so forth. [PageSix]
• "I didn't have a normal social life, and sometimes I think it's why I'm insecure around a large group of people. I shut down a bit. People expect me to be what they see on stage, but that's not who I am in real life."-Beyonce [ShowbizSpy]
• Amy Winehouse is set to appear as a backup singer on the British television show Strictly Come Dancing in support of her goddaughter, 13-year-old Dionne Bromfield. [Mirror]
• Amy's estranged husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, says the two are talking again: ""We've been talking for the first time in months.I love her as much as ever. I know she still loves me, even though we're getting divorced. Maybe this time we can do everything properly and not mess it up." [NewsOfTheWorld]
• District 9 beat The Time Traveler's Wife at the box office on Friday, taking in 14.2 million dollars. [EW]
• Is Paula Abdul thinking of returning to American Idol? [TMZ]
• Meanwhile, Victoria Beckham has impressed the Idol producers during her guest stint on the show: "She was a revelation at the second audition and is now top of the list to permanently replace Paula," says a source, "She'd be crazy to turn it down. This job will set her up as a real star in the States." [NewsOfTheWorld]
• Katie Price claims her marriage to Peter Andre was a "sham." [DailyMail]
• George Michael says he was sober when he crashed into a truck on Friday: "Neither of us was charged because we were both stone cold sober. We both think the other is to blame so this is just an insurance fight. I don't want my fans or my family worried by what they are reading all over again." [TimesOnline]
• Lady Gaga's producer, Rob Fusari, says the singer has a "Tin Man heart" and that "to her men are like candy - take the wrapper off, chew it up a few times." [TheSun]
• Spencer Pratt celebrated his 26th birthday with a machine gun cake. As for Heidi Montag's birthday gift to her husband? A copy of her issue of Playboy, of course. A machine gun cake? Ugh. Team Cake does not approve of this mess. [JustJared]

• George Michael was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence yesterday after driving his car into the side of a truck. According to a police spokeswoman, he was "later released without charge" after five hours in police custody. [E!]

• Michael seemed "seemed completely disorientated, like he had no idea what was going on," says Laurie Rowe, the driver of the truck Michael hit, "He looked totally dazed and even tried to climb into the cab of my lorry. He kept saying he was worried he would go to jail." Luckily, both drivers were able to walk away from the crash. [DailyMail]
• Jon and Kate Gosselin were spotted together yesterday, along with their children, just a day after the couple had a "blowout" fight over Jon's babysitter choices that resulted in Kate being removed from the family's home by the police. [USMagazine]
• Meanwhile, Hailey Glassman says Jon Gosselin is her "first love" and that she's not in it for the publicity: "I'm not some famewhore," she says, "I've been in hiding for three months. Do I choose my life or do I choose Jon? I stay in my house with my parents where I feel safe. Take my 15 minutes, you can have it back. Please take it back!" [USWeekly]
• Jerry Seinfeld will be the first guest on Jay Leno's new show. [Reuters]
• Robert Pattinson is reportedly "comforting" Camilla Belle after her breakup with Joe Jonas. "They've been on the phone every night," says a source, "They sit and talk for hours on end, just making each other laugh. He also sends her sweet little text messages throughout the day." [ShowbizSpy]
• An arrest warrant has been issued for Bobby Brown, who allegedly has failed to pay child support for two of his children. [Reuters]
• Mila Kunis has happy memories of her former That 70's Show male costars: "[Ashton] Kutcher used to help me with my science homework. Wilmer [Valderrama] taught me to drive. Topher [Grace] talked about movies all the time. And Danny [Masterson] took me to my first club and bought me my first drink. He was my prom date, too." [PageSix]
• Brad Pitt says he quit smoking pot once he became a dad: "I certainly had my day. Now it kind of turns me into a doughnut," he says, "I'm a dad now. You want to be alert and my eyes used to glaze over when I did that." [DailyMail]
• Ugh: the crypt directly above Marilyn Monroe's is being auctioned off on Ebay by a widow who plans to move her husband's remains in order to "pay off the $1 million mortgage on her Beverly Hills home." [TheSun]
• Hugh Grant says he's considering retirement due to a severe case of stage fright: "In recent years, I've had really bad attacks, where I totally freeze up," he says, "I thought, 'Well, if I'm going to get stage fright, then I'm packing it in.'" [DailyExpress]
• Rachel McAdams ran into Antonio Sabato, Jr. on the set of Today, when both of them were promoting new projects, and was a bit starstruck. "Rachel was blushing and told Antonio she had the biggest crush on him in high school," says a source. Sabato returned the compliment by sending McAdams a bouquet of flowers. [PageSix]
• Charlize Theron hopes to have a big family someday: "I just know I'm going to have five boys." [TheSun]
• Cybill Shepherd says she left Elvis Presley after realizing that his drug addiction was out of control: "He said, 'Here, take these,' and he had pills in his hands and I said, 'Aren't you gonna take some of them?' and he said, 'Well, I've already had mine. He was almost already asleep and I went and flushed them down the toilet, returned his emerald and diamond ring and just said, 'Thankyou, but I can't.'" [DailyExpress]
• Lady Gaga gets fairly naked and kisses a woman in her new video. Apparently this is still considered "controversial." In 2009. [DailyMail]
• Hilary Duff has traveled to Bogota, Colombia, in order to distribute 3,000 backpacks filled with food to poor children via her Blessings in a Backpack program. [NYTimes]
• "If a girl wears a short skirt or dress, men automatically think, 'She wants it, and she's probably an animal in bed.' I just want to feel sexy today. I don't want you." -Amber Rose [PageSix]
• M.C. Hammer says he's planning a "companion" piece to Please, Hammer, Don't Hurt 'Em. The album, called "Don't Hurt Em", will "capture again the very essence and vibes of 'Please Hammer, Don't Hurt 'Em,' but updated with the sonic quality of today ... There'll be a lot of parallels between the two, but certainly it'll be very 2010." That's all well and good, but when are we going to get an Addams Family Groove remix!? [Reuters]

• Catholics in Poland are urging the government there to cancel Madonna's August 15 concert, saying…

The pop star "cannot sing on the religious feast of the Blessed Virgin Mary." But everybody knows she cannot sing on the other 364 days of the year either. [UPI]

• Danny DeVito: drunk in the morning again. He was being interviewed live at 8 AM on Tuesday for a local news show while on the set of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Drunk while filming a comedy show? He's ruining feminism. [Perez Hilton]
• Michael Jackson may have messed up the Jackson family reunion concert that was in the works by allegedly breaching the contract his manager signed with an entertainment company who is suing Jackson for $40 million. So far, the rest of the family are keeping their noses out of the mess. [TMZ, USA Today]
• But Jacko can still moonwalk…or so he says…through a hospital mask. [TMZ]
• Ed McMahon has seemingly lost his battle to save his home from foreclosure. His house will be auctioned off by the bank in late June. [Radar]
• Kendra Wilkinson is pregnant and her former-Girls Next Door co-star Bridget Marquardt is throwing the baby shower. Judging from the housewarming present she gave Kendra, we can't wait to see what the layette set will have printed on it. [Us]
• Chris Brown's lawyer went to the California appeals court today to ask that his trial—for the alleged assault of Rihanna—be delayed. The judge denied the request, and the trial is still set for June 22. [TMZ]
• Life-size cardboard cutouts of Brad Pitt dressed as police officer have been placed by the most dangerous intersections in the city of Omsk, as a way to handle Siberia's speeding problem. According to Omsk officials, it's working. [Mirror]
• Myleene Klass, one of the hosts of I'm a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here! had to be rescued by Costa Rican hotel staff after she accidentally glued herself to the bed. [ONTD]
• Phil Spector's infamous large court hair was a wig!? He's bald in this mugshot, taken last week. [TSG]
• Shia LaBeouf gets his sense of humor where most people get their nightmares: From seeing his parents have sex. [Just Jared]
• Even more nightmare material: When Shia was 2 his dad would dress him up as a clown and make him walk around the neighborhood. How is this guy not a serial killer? [Parade]
• Shanna Moakler wants her job back as pageant director for Miss California USA now that proponent of opposite marriage Carrie Prejean got the boot. [TMZ]
• Hank Azaria and his girlfriend had a baby boy over the weekend. [People]
• "Obsessed" will be the first single released (on June 16) from Mariah Carey's new album—awesomely titled—Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel. [Rolling Stone]
• Mel Gibson and his soon-to-be-ex-wife Robyn have filed a joint request in court to keep the financial details of their divorce private. [TMZ]
• Michael Lohan is off the hook for that misdemeanor charge of aggravated harassment. [Yahoo]
• Sonja Norwood (aka the mother of Brandy and Ray J) filed a lawsuit against Kim Kardashian for allegedly using the Norwood family's credit card without permission when Kim was hired as Brandy's stylist. The lawsuit was dismissed. [People]
• Beyoncé in post-apocalyptic armor singing "If I Were a Boy" duet-style with George Michael goes from Beyond Thunderdome to beyond gay. It's hard to wrap one's head around this gender fuck, no matter how much weave is available. [WoW]
• Breaking: Nancy Pelosi and Owen Wilson had dinner at the D.C. restaurant Cafe Milano…at different tables. They didn't talk to each other or anything. [Politico]
• Bai Ling will play a hooker in Love Ranch—a film about the first legal brothel in Nevada, starring Helen Mirren—despite the fact the that she had her back to the camera during her screen test because she was in a "bad mood." [Daily Express]
• Keira Knightley and Colin Farrell have signed on to star in London Boulevard, the directorial debut of Oscar-winning screenwriter William Monahan. [THR]
• A Broadway revival of Babes in Arms is in the works, with Rosie O'Donnell as the star. [UPI]
• Sherri Shepherd is all pissed off that she can't eat the skin on a chicken leg, per her nutritionist's orders. She's trying to get a "bathing suit body" to reveal on The View by August 6. She's lost four pounds so far. [People]
• Hugh Grant tried to kick a paparazzo in the balls. The photog sold the footage, of course. [TMZ]
• Matthew McConaughey swears his bachelor days are over now that he has a child with his girlfriend. He referred to his family as a "tribe," so we're thinking that his naked-bongo days are still going strong. [Daily Express]
• Monica Seles is dating a cranky old billionaire—30 years her senior—who doesn't like paying taxes. [Wonkette]
• The record-breaking ratings of the premiere of Edie Falco's Nurse Jackie Monday night were so impressive that Showtime has already ordered a second season. [Women and Hollywood]
• Blind Item: "Which top-selling artist purportedly had his new single cut from some radio stations playlists in retaliation for supporting royalties for musicians?" (The article goes on to say that it's probably Bono.) [USA Today]
• Bono and The Edge wrote the music and lyrics for the Broadway musical Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark, and Bono likens himself to a superhero, natch. [Rolling Stone]
• "Mommy breastfed all three of you. You guys took all my milk, so now mommy's just getting the milk put back inside." Real Housewives of New Jersey's Teresa Giudice's explanation to her daughters about her new buh-bees. Don't go putting silicone in your coffee, girls! [People]
• "I went through this stage where I would just go out, not be responsible, not focus on work or class, and my management was like, 'Listen, you could go either way. You could be this person - I won't name names - a reality show actress. Or you could go this way - award-winning actress.' That was a real shock." - Twilight's Ashley Greene doesn't want to be like Paris Hilton. [Nylon]
• "So many means of expression are being explored in TV through women who are fully mature, in the prime of their lives, feeling experienced and able to express who they are. We're not 21. It's really exciting, in that these opportunities are kind of unprecedented. Glenn Close, Kyra Sedgwick, Mary McCormick, Mary Louise Parker, a show like United States of Tara—women are exploring all kinds of new aspects of themselves." - Holly Hunter [HuffPo]
• "I like when she demonstrates how to transport a potted plant while wearing Hermes pants and uses enough packing material to move a whole house. But we're just moving one plant. Really you just put the plant in a truck and go." - Alexis Stewart on her mom Martha. [AP]
• "I probably won't watch [The Hills]. I'm not a huge TV person." - author Lauren Conrad. [E!]

• "I'm not pregnant, and I'm not trying to get pregnant at the moment." — Victoria Beckham, always quick to keep us informed on the state of her uterus. [People]
• Not pregnant: Jamie Lynn Spears. [Daily Star]
• M.I.A.: P.R.E.G.N.A.N.T.! We assume the baby daddy is fiance Ben Brewer, from the band The Exit, to whom she is engaged. Anyway, she performed at the Diesel party in Brooklyn Saturday night with a big ol' baby belly. [Perez Hilton]
• Angelina Jolie was asked if she would vote for Barack Obama because of his international background. She said: "Obama fights for international justice, he wants to militarily intervene in cases of genocide, and close Guantanamo Bay. These are the things that could move me to vote for him, not his roots." Then she tried to adopt him. [AP]
• More images from that W photo shoot if Angelina Jolie — including pix of the kids — can be seen here. [ONTD]
• Louisiana taxpayers funded $27 million of Brad Pitt's $167 million dollar movie The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. [NY Times, Perez Hilton]

• Star Jones on The View: "Those girls were hateful." [People]
• Suri Cruise: "Whenever she sees kids, she gets excited and runs up to them and hugs them as if she never gets to see kids her own age. There's not a lot of socialization there." [Page Six]
• A drag queen threw a condom filled with "a questionable liquid" into the crowd at an NYC club and it hit Leonardo DiCaprio in the face. He laughed. [Rush & Molloy]
• Jake Gyllenhaal was effing around on the set of Prince Of Persia, threw a prop key in the air, didn't catch it, and it slashed his face. He had a gash under his eye and couldn't see for a few minutes because of the blood. When he came back to work, the makeup department had a tough time covering it up. [Star]
• Sigourney Weaver and her therapist are both "incensed" about Sarah Palin. [Just Jared]
• Mark Wahlberg doesn't like the SNL sketch, "Mark Wahlberg Talks to Animals." He says: "Someone showed it to me on YouTube. It wasn't like Tina Fey doing Sarah Palin, that's for sure. And Saturday Night Live hasn't been funny for a long time. They've asked me to do the show a ton of times. I used to watch it when Eddie Murphy was there and Joe Piscopo and Bill Murray. I don't even know who's on the show now." Say hi to your mother for me! [TMZ]
• "There's nights in Vegas when I have my Frankie baby with me. That's right, Frank Sinatra is with me. Call me crazy. I'm not afraid to say I have imaginary friends. And Frank is one of them." — Sean "Diddy" Combs. [People]
• Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony renewed their vows at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas at 3:15 a.m. Sunday morning. New York Mets outfielder Carlos Beltran and his wife Jessica went first; then Marc and Jen. Romantic? [ET, People]
• Lindsay Lohan is gonna be Sarah Palin for Halloween. Scary! [Perez Hilton]
• Samantha Ronson was threatened by a lawyer she is suing — threatened with bad publicity. Apparently she wanted to file a suit against Perez Hilton and the lawyer sent her a draft of the suit with a message that read, "Please don't force me to do it... The blogs will pick it up." [TMZ]
• Lest you were worried, Peaches Geldof and Max Drummey are still together, still married. [The Sun]
• Blind items! 1. "Which billionaire tycoon is going to wed a much younger woman who's never been married before? She's been after the old codger since his wife of decades died." 2. "Which rock superstar has been having an affair with his young blond personal assistant? His longtime wife might suspect the worst because they've been squabbling plenty lately." [Page Six]
• Jessica Simpson says if you heard that she and Tony Romo went to some fancy store to buy a ring, it's so not true. "Tony and I have not gone to Neiman Marcus — somebody said we bought a ring there. I couldn't drag Tony in to Neiman Marcus if I tried." [ET]
• Hugh Jackman's 40th birthday party featured a film with video messages from stars like Oprah, Barbra Streisand, Woody Allen and John Travolta. [News.com.au]
• Jamie Hince and Kate Moss officially back on. [Mirror]
• Some dude went crazy and yelled "I'll stab you" at Spice Girl Mel B and her husband and baby at Heathrow airport. A paparazzo (!) told the guy to leave Mel and her fam alone, so the dude punched the photog. [TMZ]
• Stalker alert: Daniel Craig has a new £4million apartment in London. [Daily Mail]
• What's this? Daniel Craig thinks he'd be a better Bond if he were from the US? "Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier if I was American, because I am deeply English. I am always trying to self-mock. I am trying to put it down or to laugh it off but you have got to be careful because false humility is not a great trait." [Mirror]
• Video of Ryan Gosling walking his dog is half cute, half terrible, since he's clearly being stalked against his will by an idiot. [TMZ]
• Here's a headline for you: ‘Mad Men’: Is Jon Hamm up to the challenge of Don Draper? [LA Times]
• Christina Applegate kept her cancer diagnosis a secret from almost everyone working on her TV show for weeks. [Reuters]
• Hmm, why were Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher at the admissions office of Harvard? Oh yeah, there is another daughter besides Rumer. There's Scout! (And there's Tallulah, too.) [Perez Hilton]
• Jason Priestley is psyched to direct an episode of 90210. But! He won't be coming back as Brandon Walsh, sigh. [People]
• Boy George to Amy Winehouse and George Michael: "I know what it's like to be clacking, sweaty and chaotic and to have no clarity." [People]
• Speaking of Boy George, he canceled a gig at a 2,200-seat venue after only 89 tickets sold. Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry? [Mirror]
• Speaking of which, George Michael was supposed to receive the Outstanding Contribution to Music prize at the Brit awards next year, but he's been dropped from the award show after being busted with drugs. [Mirror]
• Christie Brinkley reportedly begged her ex Peter Cook not to take their kids on a single-engine airplane flight this weekend — but her former hubby reportedly went behind her back and flew them anyway. Jackass. [Extra]
• Cloris Leachman will be the grand marshal for the 120th Tournament of Roses on January 1st in Pasadena. She says she's thrilled to be heading a parade that's "older than I am." [USA Today]
• Daniel Radcliffe missed his grandmother's funeral to appear on stage in Equus, because that's what she would have wanted. [Mirror]
• Cyndi Lauper's sister is a lesbian but that;s not the only reason Cyndi workes for LGBT rights awareness: "It's always wrong to discriminate. I grew up in the civil rights movement. It was wrong then, and it is wrong now." [CNN]
• Ivana Trump's 35-year-old husband has no job, so he's gonna be a contestant on an Italian reality show called La Isla de los Famosos. [Page Six]
• Matthew McConaughey's new website is like, totally awesome. Not. [Best Week Ever]
• Meat Loaf hospitalized. [Yahoo News]
• A profile of Sarah Silverman in the Guardian begins: "The character that Sarah Silverman plays on stage and television - also called Sarah Silverman - is girlish, sincere and eager to please, but also narcissistic, bigoted and, in Silverman's words, 'kind of an asshole.'" [Guardian]
• Beastie Boy Adam Yauch has made a documentary about basketball in Harlem. [Guardian]
• "Airhead heiress Paris Hilton refuses to get off plane until her make-up is done." [Mirrror]
• No one is listening to Howard Stern on satellite radio. [LA Times]
• Pete Doherty's latest YouTube video is a druggy mess. Also, his songwriting partner was caught with crack last night. [Mirror, YouTube, Perez Hilton]
• Milan Kundera reported a spy to the secret police when he was a student in 1950. [Times of London]
• Debra Winger talks about her absence from Hollywood and return, in Rachel Getting Married. [CBS News]
• Larry Hagman is excited about the 30th reunion of Dallas. because, you know, what else is he doing? Oh, he's an avocado farmer. Right. [AP]
• Lars Ulrich is selling a Jean-Michel Basquiat painting from his art collection that could set a new auction record for Basquiat. [Crain's]
• Jon Bon Jovi's being sued for $400 billion, BILLION over stolen song lyrics. [TMZ]
• "I never realized my hair was such a big deal." — Michael Bolton. [Mirror]
• "This is a serious message to everybody watching my update. Peace and love. Peace and love. I want I want to tell you after the 20th of October please do not send fan mail to any address you have. Nothing will be signed after the 20th of October. If that is the date on the envelope, it's gonna be tossed. I'm warning you with peace and love I have too much to do. So no more fan mail. Thank you, thank you. And no objects to be signed. Nothing. Anyway, peace and love, peace and love." — Ringo Starr. [Mirror]
• "I would have loved to have been a villain, they had wonderful speeches like, 'The end of the world is about to come.' Bond just listens but doesn't really get to say anything." — Roger Moore. [Mirror]
• "I've phoned my dad and told him not to expect me home. I want to live here. I've already fallen in love with 20 guys since I've been here. The accents sound so intelligent and I love the way the guys are so classy and wear trenchcoats." — Miley Cyrus, who is in the UK. [The Sun]
• "Jennifer Lopez manages her career like the head of a big corporation, whereas the only thing I care about is becoming the best actress possible." — Eva Mendes. [Perez Hilton]
• "I'm not gay. And to prove it, Im giving away Madonna tickets." — Ryan Seacrest. [Perez Hilton]
• "I'm not gay so I guess I wouldn't try a relationship with a woman... I didn't say I haven't experimented but I love men too much to make it a permanent thing." — Pink. [Daily Express]

• Following the terrible plane crash in which drummer Travis Barker and Adam "DJ AM" Goldstein were seriously injured, there were reports that Chris Baker, Travis's friend and business partner, was on his way to be home with his pregnant wife. These reports were erroneous. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Both Lindsay and Sam blogged about the horrifying plane crash. Wrote LL: "It's so scary to think that life can end so fast...we must all treasure each and every moment—and be thankful for what we have." [E!]
• Travis Barker is burned "mostly from the waist down." DJ AM is "really really badly burned," and the worst is on his face. [E!]
• Mandy Moore has rushed to the bedside of ex-boyfriend DJ AM. Travis Barker's ex-wife Shanna Moakler hopped a flight to be with Travis. [E!]
• Random celebs react to the DJ AM and Travis Barker news. [E!]
• DJ AM and Travis Barker could be hospitalized for weeks but are expected to fully recover. [CNN]
• A tire blowout could be to blame for the plane crash. [People]

• At the Emmys last night, the dresses were pretty, but boring. Christina Applegate looked awesome. [Yahoo News]
• On the red carpet last night, Christina Applegate said: "I've got a pretty dress on and lipstick, and [it's] something I haven't done in two months." She also addressed her breast cancer and the double mastectomy she endured: "For me to have a voice and be the voice of a 30-something-year-old girl going through this and dispelling the misnomers that it's an older woman's disease is a big part of this for me." [People]
• This report says that since the Golden Globes were almost canceled and the Oscars were anticlimactic, the Emmys were festive and glamourous but not ridiculously over the top. [MSNBC]
• Tina Fey lost her purse during the Emmys. She also said of Sarah Palin: "I want to be done playing this lady Nov. 5. So if anybody can help me be done playing this lady Nov. 5, that would be good for me." [AP]
• Is Lindsay coming out, little by little, on her MySpace — instead of in one big "Yes, I'm gay" cover story on a tabloid mag? [LA Times]
• Someone is trying to sell 12 pictures from Casey Aldridge's digital camera that show Britney Spears, Jamie Lynn Spears, daughter Maddie and Casey… and in one picture, Jamie Lynn is breastfeeding Maddie and her breast is exposed. Because JLS is a minor, selling or buying the pix could be a violation of child pornography laws, even though they're not sexual. [TMZ]
• George Michael was arrested with crack in a public restroom. Um. Crack as in drugs. Not ass crack. As far as we know. He was taken to a police station and given a "caution." [BBC News]
• George Michael says: "I want to apologise to my fans for screwing up again, and to promise them I'll sort myself out. And to say sorry to everybody else, just for boring them." [Perez Hilton]
• Comic Sandra Bernhard says a "gang rape" joke she made about Sarah Palin was part of her act. "I certainly wish Governor Palin no harm. I'd just like her to explain to me how she can hold such outrageous views — and then go back to Alaska." [UPI]
• Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds were out on the Lower East Side of New York recently wearing matching bowler hats. They went to some bar and the doorman wanted to take a picture with Scarlett when she snapped, "I'm not the Statue of Liberty." [Page Six]
• Jack McBrayer, who plays Kenneth on 30 Rock, says Jennifer Aniston's stint for the show was "fantastic." "I think we are all star-struck with her." [People]
• Singer Natalie Cole, who recently revealed she had hepatitis C, has been hospitalized as a result of side effects from her medication and a heavy promotional schedule. [USA Today]
• Mel Gibson just bought David Duchovny and Tea Leoni's Malibu home for $11.5 million. Hmm, liquidation of assets… Are David and Tea going to get divorced? [TMZ]
• Ali Lohan hopped on the back of a male friend's motorcycle and had to be rushed to the hospital for minor injuries after a minor accident last month. She got "scraped up." A friend says, "I think she may have wanted to impress this boy." [ONTD]
• Miley Cyrus is sick of being Hannah Montana. [ONTD via TMZ]
• Kate Moss and Jamie Hince have split up and it is FINAL. [The Sun]
• A "mystery hunk" gave Kate Moss a lapdance. [Mirror]
• Does Pete Doherty want Kate Moss back? [Mirror]
• Hugh Grant and Jemima Khan: Back on. [Daily Express]
• Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham says: "You know, I could just go shopping every day and sit on my bum. But I’d be so bored. I don’t even go shopping any more. I run four miles, seven days a week. I am eating more. I think you do eat more when you’re working out." She also says her new short hair wasn't her idea: "I just told the hairdresser to use his imagination." [The Sun]
• Sienna Miller is going to be in that Guy Ritchie Sherlock Holmes film, which means she'll be reunited with Jude Law on screen. Awkward! [Mirror]
• The woman who is suing two photographers and a paparazzi agency over a video that shows Heath Ledger doing drugs has amended her lawsuit. [News.com.au]
• Kanye West, John Legend, Sheryl Crow, Stevie Wonder and others can be heard on Yes We Can: Voices of a Grassroots Movement, a CD for sale exclusively through Barack Obama's campaign. [USA Today]
• John Lennon had a terrible temper and once screamed into son Sean's ear so loudly his ear was damaged and he had to go to the hospital. [Page Six]
• Heather Mills is donating one million dollars worth of vegan food to children in the South Bronx, one of the poorest neighborhoods in New York. What kids in the ghetto dream of: Soy burgers. [The Star]
• Heather says: "The public adores me... I haven't got a bad word to say about Paul... men are falling over themselves to ask me out... my only interest in life is helping others." [Daily Mail]
• Holland Taylor, who plays Charlie Sheen's mom on Two And A Half Men, commented on the news that Charlie and his wife Brooke are expecting a baby: "I think he's a wonderful daddy to his girls – he just adores them, he's very sweet with them. [But] it will be very interesting to see Charlie with a boy. It'll bring out a whole other side of him, I'm sure." [People]
• Arnold Schwarzenegger confirms that he used to smoke weed with Tommy Chong. [TMZ]
• Robert Wagner had an affair with Barbara Stanwyck, his co-star in the 1953 film Titanic, who was 23 years his senior. [Reuters]
• Jamie Oliver and his wife Jools are expecting a new baby to join daughters Poppy Honey, 6 and Daisy Boo, 5. May we suggest some possible names? Violet Love, Rose Sugar, Carnation Milk. [Mirror]
• Steven Tyler performed in pants he'd gotten from Cher. [Fox 411]
• Jenna Jameson and Tito Ortiz: Having twins. [Perez Hilton]
• You know how Audrina moved out of Lauren Conrad's house? It was supposed to be an "exclusive" story for a major tabloid mag. But now everyone knows. But! Since she already signed a deal, Audrina gets to keep the money. We'll see what Us Weekly has on the cover on Wednesday. [TMZ]
• Holly Madison and Criss Angel: Still hanging out in Las Vegas, though they deny that they're dating. They were seen dancing and kissing in a club. [Perez Hilton]
• Rachel Bilson will star in an indie romance in which she plays a TV actress living in Hollywood. Way to show your range! [Variety]
• David Blaine will hang upside down above Central Park for 60 hours and could go blind due to the blood pressure in his eyes. Additionally, he could bore us to tears. [Mirror]
• Be prepared to take Mariah Carey seriously as an actress: She plays the battered wife of a state trooper in Tennessee, and just got cast in Push, where she'll play a Harlem social worker. She's also developing a movie musical based, um, on her Christmas album. [Rush & Molloy]
• "I gained five pounds and it’s like a national scandal." — Eva Longoria. [The Sun]
• "I will no longer attempt to do any sports movie, anymore. Any sports. No golf movie. I'm retired from sports-genre films. You know, I think I filled my quota." — Will Ferrell. [USA Today]
• When you were younger, did you ever dream about being royalty? "No. I was a tomboy. When I was a child, I made mud pies—sort of just adding water to mud and squishing it together. I didn't wear a skirt until I think I was 14. The princess thing was the last thing on my list." — Keira Knightley. [Newsweek]
• "My breasts have had a brilliant career. I've just tagged along for the ride." — Pamela Anderson. [Daily Mail]
• "I'm 37. I have nothing to say about the new 90210. Who gives a shit." — Sarah Silverman. [E!]

• David and Victoria Beckham were in a car crash Friday in France. David was driving his BMW to the Nice airport when he lost control and crashed into a wall. No kids were in the car; Posh was the only passenger. The vehicle had a smashed windshield and damage on the passenger side, but everyone was OK. Bex had to catch his plane (to appear in the Olympic closing ceremonies) so he left poor Vicky with the car… [Perez Hilton]
• Playdate! Kingston Rossdale and the Spears brothers! Britney entertained the three boys while Gwen and Gavin have their hands full with a new baby at home. It says a lot about Brit's progress that people will leave their kids with her, huh? And look, only two nannies in the accompanying picture. [Daily Mail]
• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie can claim £1,400 a month in child benefits after registering France as their home. Not that they will claim the money. Because they are perfect. [The Sun]
• Lance Bass helped Christina Applegate recover from her double mastectomy. "I was at the hospital holding her hand and getting her through it," he says. "She is a very, very loved person. She's a big crossword puzzle girl. That kept her busy. In her hours of recovery, she's made all these roses out of lace. She has hundreds and hundreds of these amazing different roses. She doesn't know what she's going to do with them." [People]

• Apparently the trailer for Keira Knightley's new film, The Duchess, has shots of Princess Diana intercut in it, with the words "The two were related by ancestry and united by destiny… History repeats itself." Except Keira's flick is about Georgiana, Duchess of Devonshire. Who did not die in a car crash. [Telegraph]
• Madonna and Guy renewed their vows in a private Kabbalah ceremony in London. A-Rod, shmay-rod! [Daily Mail]
• Madonna's Sticky & Sweet tour kicked off over the weekend! [The Sun]
• Madge has $1 million worth of Swarovski crystals on her costumes! [Mirror]
• Her show was "epic" and featured a video appearance by Britney Spears, as well as virtual appearances by Kanye West and Pharrell Williams. [Mirror]
• Madonna's workouts to get in shape for her tour have paid off. Hubby Guy Rithie says: "Her legs are Olympic standard. She is in amazing shape. You won’t find a fitter bird than her. Her legs are so toned. She’s fitter than dancers on her tour who are half her age." [The Sun]
• Madonna's tour includes negative images of destruction: global warming, Hitler, Mugabe and Senator John McCain. Then! Positive images! John Lennon, Al Gore, Mahatma Gandhi and Barack Obama! [AP]
• Um, the McCain camp is not happy about Madonna's tour images. "The comparisons are outrageous, unacceptable and crudely divisive all at the same time." [Yahoo News]
• Is Madonna sparking a stocking trend with her 100 pairs of fishnets? [The Sun]
• Four relatives of Helena Bonham Carter were killed in a minibus crash while of a safari holiday in South Africa last week. [Times of London]
• Amanda Bynes was in a minor car accident Saturday afternoon in L.A. She made an unsafe turn and another car hit her. No serious damage, no drugs or alcohol. [People]
• Jet-setting billionaire Charles Simonyi is engaged to a Swedish woman named Lisa Persdotter, which is weird because Martha Stewart has often referred to him as "my boyfriend." [ONTD]
• Chris Kattan filed for legal separation from his wife, Sunshine Tutt, citing irreconcilable differences.The couple were engaged for 18 months and married for less than 2 months. Sigh, WWMD? (What Would Mango Do?) [Yahoo News via E!]
• John Mayer paparazzi shots aren't worth very much now that he's not with Jennifer Aniston. [MSNBC]
• Barenaked Ladies frontman Ed Robertson and three other people are "very lucky" to have survived a plane crash yesterday. The float-plane went down in the trees in Bancroft, Ontario, Canada. [Toronto Sun]
• Kim Kardashian cut her foot in her hotel room Sunday night. A source says there was so much blood, it looked like a murder scene. She sliced her foot open on a glass coffee table — right before she's supposed to start Dancing With The Stars! [ONTD]
• George Michael's final farewell concert was in London over the weekend. "It's great to be home," he said. (I won't let you down. I will not give you up. Gotta have some faith in the sound… It's the one good thing that I've got.) [Telegraph]
• There was a beachside premiere party for 90210 over the weekend, with Shannen Doherty and Jennie Garth in attendance. [AP]
• Boy jeans: Now seen on Jennifer Aniston. Katie Holmes, what hath thou wrought? [Daily Mail]
• Drew Barrymore: seen singing "I Will Survive" at a karaoke joint in Detroit with Whip It co-stars Juliette Lewis and Ellen Page. It's okay, you'll find better than the Mac dude! [Mirror]
• Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty went house shopping in Malibu! The "love nest" they checked out was priced at £11million. Guess that's what Getty oil money will get you. [Mirror]
• Snoop Dogg has been granted a visa to perform in Australia, despite his long list of drugs, firearms and weapons charges. You can't hold back the dee oh double gee! [News.com.au]
• Paula Abdul has undergone neck surgery to repair an old cheerleading injury. She's supposedly been in a lot of pain since um, 1987, which maybe made her take pain pills, which maybe made her loopy. [Perez Hilton]
• TV chef Jamie Oliver was talking about free range chickens and gassing chicks when he some kind of Holocaust joke about the Germans, whoops. [The Star]
• Adrian Grenier: Dating an Aussie "weather girl"? [News.com.au]
• Blind item! "Which newly single TV personality tried out his sonorous baritone on young co-eds while vacationing in Mexico? 'He was bouncing between college girls like a pinball,' says our spy. 'His son was there, and it was embarrassing to watch.' Even worse, we hear there were no takers." [Rush & Molloy]
• Mary J. Blige and Robin Thicke will tour together in North America this fall. Will they sing together? A duet could be hot! [Reuters]
• When Alanis Morissette was 15 years old, she opened for Vanilla Ice on tour: "I was instructed not to look him in the eye and that was my first experience of honouring someone’s privacy to the point where you look away when they come near you. I thought, 'Wow, I didn’t think that actually existed!'" [Daily Express]
• Ed McMahon has found someone to buy his home and it's not Donald Trump. [Yahoo News]
• If you like Lil Wayne, Birdman or the Hot Boys, you'll love Cash Money Mobile, the new phone service that delivers ringtones, graphics, videoclips, text alerts and other crap right to your phone. A milli, a milli, a milli. [Reuters]
• Bobby Brown is being sued for failing to pay the legal bills for his divorce from Whitney Houston. He still owes almost $100,000 — can he get if from that country show? [Mirror]
• Tennis star James Blake talks about going to high school with John Mayer: "Just about every day he was at my house, and we'd play Nintendo games… I was about five feet tall wearing a back brace [due to scoliosis]… I don't think either one of us was doing that great [with the ladies] in high school – John was still kind of fitting into a niche ... He's more than made up for himself with how he's done since then." [People]
• Christopher Plummer recalls that hilarious time he thought he had syphilis and William Shatner took his role in Henry V. [Page Six]
• It's been twenty years since N.W.A.'s Straight Outta Compton. Ice Cube says: "It was what we saw all around us in Los Angeles. Gangsta to us didn't have anything to do with Al Capone and stuff like that. It's just about living your life the way you want to live it. And you're not going to let nothing stop you." [USA Today]
• A Serbian village unveiled what it says is Europe's first statue to late Jamaican reggae star Bob Marley on Saturday. Apparently the war-torn region prefers role models of peace. [Yahoo News]
• There's an excerpt from Faith Evans' book, and it details the night when she caught Lil' Kim in Biggie's bed. "As soon as I saw a small lump next to Big’s large frame, I flew into a rage, ran over to the side of the bed, and pulled back the covers. I grabbed some chick our of the bed and started beating her ass. At some point, the chick’s wig came off in my hand; It was a short, cropped wig. I stopped throwing punches for a minute to get a good look at the chick I was beating up. It was Lil Kim. She was completely butt-naked, yelling as I pushed her around the room…" [The.Life Files, Gawker]
• "Growing up, there’s a lot of pressure on young women, when you first become aware of your own looks in relation to other women’s looks. You just want to be cookie-cutter beautiful. And sometimes you think, 'Maybe I could change something about myself to fit that mould.' I’m no exception to that. When I was growing up I wanted a nose job because I didn’t think my nose was good. Your face needs to have character if you’re going to be an actor or you’re just kind of a face. You’re not really a person or a personality." — Anne Hathaway. [Daily Express]
• "Making clothes together in our studio makes us feel complete. We probably sound like a group of grannies in a knitting circle but it's the truth and it gives us some control over our visual identity." — Coldplay's Chris Martin. [Mirror]
• "I wrote that song as a stalker. It was raining, and I was sitting there in front of the house, watching her come home from a date after we were divorced. I was imagining what she did on this date, and watching her giving him a kiss. I went home and wrote this song." — Terrence Howard, on the "No. 1 Fan" from his new album. [E!]

[London, April 23. Image via INFdaily.com.]

There is really no good reason for "Eli Stone" to be quite as much fun as it is, given that the premise seems spraywashed with earnestness and spun to alienate the atheistic and the greedy....The anti-John Edwards, Eli has contentedly sequestered himself in one of the two Americas — specifically, a vast, honey-colored apartment in downturn-resistant San Francisco — until the Armani suits start to feel itchy....As it turns out Eli has an aneurysm and who knows how long to live. So with his remaining time he decides to switch sides in the class war and represent the squashed and powerless against the avaricious interests of Big Pharma and Bad Agribusiness....This suggested that the series had causes to retail, but it hasn't felt like television agitprop so far. "Eli Stone" is committed to a quaint, flimsy populism and a kind of 12-step "God is where you find him" spirituality.

Today's theory: As a reaction to the runaway trend toward unscripted programming, and to distinguish their work from all those so-called reality shows, more and more Hollywood writers (when they aren't on strike) have been coming up with surreality shows. These series are fictions that have some kind of supernatural or spiritual element, or are just preposterous, fantastic hooey, as far from reality as possible. Tonight's example: "Eli Stone," a drama about a lawyer who sees odd things and hears funny music and imagines singer George Michael dancing around on his coffee table. [The show is] fetched far and already limping if not quite lame... Stone's freakouts are quite generously tolerated by his boss, Jordan Wethersby (the ineffably reliable Victor Garber...Garber is responsible for whatever gravitas the show manages; indeed, he appears to be taking it more seriously than anyone else in the cast, including [lead actor Jonny Lee] Miller.

Eli finds his way to Dr. Chen (James Saito), an acupuncturist who puts on a fake Chinese accent for effect and believes that Eli might be a "prophet." There are two explanations for everything, Chen tells Eli, "the scientific and the divine." But as is usual in our sentimental world, the divine is given the edge here. Chen's pidgin injunction to "Make peace George Michael," for instance, later turns up in a wall of alphabet blocks that a client's autistic son is building. And the client, who has convinced Eli to take her case — a lawsuit against a vaccine manufacturer represented by his own company — also happens to be the woman to whom he lost his virginity, while a George Michael tape played in the background. Everything is connected. (The episode has drawn protest from the American Academy of Pediatrics over the vaccine-autism link.)

The first few episodes of Eli Stone focus on hot-button issues like the possible dangers of vaccination and illegal immigration. Of course, the show tackles these topics with the same drippy bathos Brothers & Sisters uses to digest the war in Iraq. Since Stone is technically a legal drama, there is a winner in every case, but the show is careful not to come down too hard on either side — something that keeps it from being as relevant as it would like. In fact, the show is at its best when it's the furthest removed from reality. Eli's hallucinations are deliciously campy... What also helps Eli Stone transcend some of its schlockier moments is its wonderful cast. Miller's angular face is the perfect canvas to portray the myriad emotional states of his character — from high-strung lawyer-type to sympathetic soul to fragile man-child on the verge of a breakdown. The show doesn't have nearly as much heart as it's aiming for, but what it's got comes from Miller.

The show, created by Marc Guggenheim and Greg Berlanti ("Dirty Sexy Money") ultimately feels so unoriginal. Despite a good cast led by Jonny Lee Miller as Eli, and despite the happy San Francisco setting, "Eli Stone" is a bag of too-familiar tricks. All the hallucinogenic quirkiness - flashes of dancing lawyers and low-flying prop planes - is tired and tiring... And "Eli Stone" is also burdened with an air of the formulaic sanctimony that has doomed Holly Hunter's "Saving Grace" to triteness, as our morally lost hero is shown the road to goodness like the folks on "Highway to Heaven." Sometimes, TV makes finding scruples seem as easy as listening to your GPS.

Eli Stone is adorable. Now if it would just stop trying so hard to make us adore it. There are far worse flaws for a TV show to have than a propensity to overwork adorability. But this highly enjoyable mix of faith and fantasy will do better in the long run if it can learn to lay back a bit — like by resisting the urge to put its lead, the instantly likable Jonny Lee Miller, through ever-cuter contortions simply because he's able to carry them off.

Is Greg Berlanti the new David E. Kelley? Translation: Berlanti is the writer-executive producer who just put two very quirky series on ABC: "Dirty Sexy Money" and Thursday's newest entry, "Eli Stone." Both shows are odd in that same way that Kelley's "Boston Legal" and "Ally McBeal" (among many others) played with tone so fearlessly (or recklessly). And the set-in-San Francisco "Eli Stone" is bound to get pigeonholed as a kind of male version of "Ally McBeal" in that the show centers around an eccentric lawyer who blurts out bits of craziness and has more than a few moments of delusion. If Ally had her dancing baby, Eli has his George Michael... Miller is almost reason enough to watch. Like Calista Flockhart in "Ally McBeal," he's been tasked with playing a wide spectrum of emotions - cold, hard lawyer; funny, likable boyfriend; quick-witted man on the go; introspective son and brother; and, finally, a man gob-smacked by George Michael. That alone is worth an hour. He's the secret weapon on "Eli Stone."

• The similarities between George W. Bush and Lindsay Lohan never cease to amaze us. Both have substance abuse problems. Both claim to be clean. Both drink while claiming to be clean. Both don't show up for work (Georgia Rule, The G8 Summit) when they've been drinking too much while claiming to be clean. And most importantly, both are spoiled rich kids who don't take the world around them very seriously. The fact that one's a 20-year old teen star and the other is the leader of the free world? A minor detail. A minor detail that scares the bejesus out of us on a daily basis. [Tennessee Guerilla Women]
  
• Those wacky right-wingers are at it again! All that liberal propaganda we're taking in (i.e. our favorite TV shows) is going to make us go out and kill someone. [Fishbowl LA]
  
• Bummer! Upon first glance, we thought this headline read "Astronauts Prepare For Lunch." And we thought. 'Hmm — What do astronauts eat for lunch? Bologna, perhaps?'. We're so disappointed. [CNN]
  
• Do we smell a scandal? And, uh, a not-coincidence? The sheriff who conveniently let Paris Hilton slip out of jail also accepted some mighty hefty campaign donations from Paris's grandpa. [Radar]

• Is she in jail? Is she home? It is SO HARD to keep up with Paris's whereabouts! Thankfully, there's help. [IsParisInJailRightNow.com]
• Isaiah Washington may not be returning to Grey's, but (until she starts bitching about how she's making less money than her other castmates) Knocked Up's Katherine Heigl is. [US]
• And in today's other celeb-sentencing story: George Michael gets community service. We assume he'll actually serve his sentence as opposed to having a withdrawal-induced breakdown and trying to run away home. [USA Today]
• An Englishman who shook his infant daughter so violently that her brain hemorrhaged is going to anger management classes. Um way too little, way too late, anyone? [BBC]
• The only message of hope we've seen all day: The Spice Girls reunion concert is ON! We are so dusting off our old CD's now. [People]
• Correction: This site brings us infinite more joy than the Spice Girls tour. Just look. [BoingBoing]
• 6 U.S. casualties identified today. [DoD]

• Paris Hilton has rehired the publicist she just fired for misleading her into thinking that the legal document she sihned (sic!) meant she couldn't drive for 45 days if she could actually read it. Also, Paris has appealed to Governator Arnold for leniency, though we hear it's only because she got him mixed up with David Hasselhoff. [Reuters]
• OMG! We totally thought Madonna and Guy Richie were this, like, picture of domestic bliss and selfless congugal harmony, and then the British tabloid press comes along and totally robs us of our illusions. [News of the World]
• Quiz! Scarlett Johansson, Kid Rock, Tara Conner and Naomi Watts all attended which of the following celebrity clusterfucks: The Kentucky Derby and the annual Costume Institute thing at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. [New York Post]

• For all those dedicated media consumers who may wrongly not give a shit about Ty Pennington anymore: Pennington refers to drunk driving arrest as a "wake-up call." [FoxNews]
• And speaking of self-medicating gays, George Michael calls his own driving-while-fucked-up arrest "my own stupid fault as usual." [Guardian]
• As if you needed another reason to swoon for Orlando Bloom: He always has "all this cough syrup" on hand. [Gatecrasher]