Here's a little more information on Malou:

Malou Innocent is a Foreign Policy Analyst at the Cato Institute. Her primary research interests are Middle East and Persian Gulf security issues and U.S. foreign policy toward Pakistan, Afghanistan, and China. Prior to joining Cato, she worked as a public policy intern at the District Office of California Congressman Pete Stark. Innocent has published reviews and articles on national security and international affairs in scholarly and policy journals such as Survival, Congressional Quarterly, and Harvard International Review, as well as in publications such as Armed Forces Journal, the San Francisco Chronicle, Wall Street Journal Asia, the Huffington Post, the Guardian, WashingtonPost.com, and the Washington Times. Innocent has appeared as a guest analyst on BBC News, Fox News Channel, Al Jazeera, Voice of America, CNBC Asia, and Reuters. She earned dual Bachelor of Arts degrees in Mass Communications and Political Science from the University of California at Berkeley, and a Master of Arts degree in International Relations from the University of Chicago.

I asked Malou to chat with us to get some perspective on something that is a little difficult to understand - the issues behind why we are still in Afghanistan, why the war still continues, and why withdrawal may be the best course for all the nations involved. Often, when we are watching this coverage on television or listening to updates on the news, we only hear of the carnage - we hear much less of the context, which would help the public to understand why we are choosing a particular course of action and whether or not these actions are effective. So, without further ado, here's Malou:

LatoyaPeterson: Today, we are chatting with Malou Innocent from the Cato Institute. Welcome Malou!

MalouInnocent: Hi Latoya, thank you for having me.

LatoyaPeterson: Malou, can you please talk a little bit about your expertise and work for the Cato Institute?

MalouInnocent: I am a foreign policy analyst for Cato and my research is mainly focused on Middle East and Persian Gulf security issues, as well as U.S. foreign policy toward Afghanistan, Pakistan, and China. Overall, Cato's foreign policy is guided by the principle that when government grows too powerful—and correspondingly too meddlesome—it begins to encroach on our individual freedoms at home and threaten peaceful relations abroad.

LatoyaPeterson: Why is increasing governmental power a threat?

MalouInnocent: In the capacity of international affairs, policymakers have typically been more inclined to intervene; yet (and this is my overarching grouse) is that while democracy, liberty, and freedom are the principles that define the United States of America, historically, these have not always been the principles that have guided its foreign policy. From time to time, especially during the Cold War but also the so-called "war on terror," America's national security interests have led it to cooperate with some of the world's most repressive regimes and unsavory political movements, the latest manifestation being our invasion and occupation of Iraq, while during the 1980s we turned a blind-eye to Saddam's atrocities. It's that discrepancy that sometimes harms our efforts to do good in the world.

LatoyaPeterson: Excellent synopsis. And I find it interesting that the more I talk to experts like yourself and Patricia DeGennaro, who we spoke with yesterday, the more we hear that an aggressive foreign policy where we try to remake and shape the interests of other nations simply does not work. Let's focus in specifically on the situation in Afghanistan.

LatoyaPeterson: I read quite a few of your articles online, and it seems that your position for the last few years has been a clear case for withdrawal. Can you elaborate a bit on how you came to the conclusion that this war is un-winnable?

MalouInnocent: After eight years since the fall of the Taliban regime, the country (and the mission) is still plagued by several problems: an intractable cross-border insurgency, pervasive corruption on the local and national levels, a dysfunctional international alliance, and the list goes on and on. U.S. policymakers and defense officials have good intentions. They want to disrupt and defeat al Qaeda (which is a limited and achievable objective) but the broader mission to ensure that Afghanistan never again becomes a terrorist sanctuary is based on the dubious assumption that terrorists thrive in failed states. Does this therefore mean that America must deploy tens of thousands of troops for several decades to stabilize, liberalize, and democratize foreign countries, Afghanistan included? I don't think Americans signed up for that type of mission, so the administration should be straight up about our goals. We can continue to monitor al Qaeda in the region, and keep ongoing relations with the regional players; but going after the Taliban (a guerilla-jihadi movement distinct from al Qaeda) or forging ahead with a robust nation-building effort is too grandiose of a policy.

LatoyaPeterson: Where do you think the US should refocus our efforts, if we are ill-equipped to handle nation building? If we are not assisting in stabilizing the region, how will we be able to receive accurate intelligence as well as the type of nation-to-nation trust that allows for peaceful relationships?

MalouInnocent: I think within the next 18 to 24 months, the administration will find itself at a crossroads: either scale down the foreign troop presence with the recognition that we must narrow our objectives, or continue down the road of "mission creep," with periodic troop increases. I hold out hope that President Obama proceeds with the former.

LatoyaPeterson: And what about reaching out for assistance with other nations in the region?

MalouInnocent: That's an important question, and one that I feel gets rarely asked. I think many times, whether it's health care, Afghanistan policy, what-have-you, the political discourse sets up a binary: reform or no reform, withdrawal or no to withdrawal. I think there can be a middle ground. Economic aid and assistance to Afghanistan and Pakistan can continue, but just like Ms. DeGennaro mentioned yesterday, the foreign aid and funding is atrocious.

LatoyaPeterson: You mentioned Pakistan, and I notice that Pakistan tends to factor very heavily in your analysis of the situation in Afghanistan. What is the situation in Pakistan and how does that influence our approach in Afghanistan?

MalouInnocent: For example, the U.S. government has shoveled billions of dollars in aid to Pakistan. Certainly in Pakistan's tribal areas and restive areas of Afghanistan, non-military aid directed to education and comprehensive study programs can help to mitigate the spread of militancy among younger generations. But a coherent distribution mechanism must be in place or else no one in Pakistan or Afghanistan will benefit. Given the problems of corruption and mismanagement afflicting the distribution of aid, why should we expect the distribution of aid to be more effective? I've seen figures pointing to 35-40% of development aid being redirected back to Washington with consultancy fees. That's an unfortunate circumstance but serves to highlight one of the major problems of state-building.

MalouInnocent: As for ongoing relations with Pakistan, policymakers have neglected (or simply ignored) the extent to which leaders in Islamabad fear the rise of an India-leaning government coming to power in Kabul. This has been a persistent fear dating back several decades...

MalouInnocent: The acrimony between India and Pakistan is playing out in Afghanistan. As of only a couple months ago, 80% of the Pakistani military was still on the border with India, not Afghanistan. So I think policymakers must recognize the importance of history, culture, and nationalism, which rarely filter into discussions of policy.

Afghanistan has always been considered Pakistan's strategic backyard, and their leadership has consistently undermined the soverienty of various Afghan governments. In fact, during the Soviet-Afghan War on the 1980s, the Pakistani miltiary leadership wanted to ensure that an Islamic government aligned with Pakistan—rather than a secular government aligned with India, would come to power in Kabul after Soviet forces withdrew. These larger regional dynamics are playing out, which is another reason to scale down our presence in the region: we do not have compelling strategic rationale to thrust our troops into the middle of a proxy war between two nuclear-armed powers.

LatoyaPeterson: Most definitely. I was reading the NYT interview with Hillary Clinton with great interest and noticed some interesting answers to her questions. In particular, when the reporter asked:

Many of the countries where the abuses against women are most prevalent are also countries that have a vital strategic importance to the United States: Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, India. How can you aggressively advocate for women without jeopardizing those strategic relationships?

It was striking to me that HRC completely sidestepped any discussion of Saudi Arabia and Pakistan and reframed to discuss India and China. From your viewpoint, why would she have evaded this question?

MalouInnocent: I'm happy you bring that up, Latoya. Clinton dodged a lot of questions during that interview. For example, when the NYT reporter asked: "in much of the world, gender equality is not accepted as a universal human right. How do you overcome that deep-seated cultural resistance?" Now, logically, what other answer could there by other than that our objectives are sometimes incompatible with out ability to achieve them?

I find that many times our policymakers are unwilling to concede our lack of legitimacy to bring about a better outcome in turbulent parts of the world.

LatoyaPeterson: Thanks for acknowledging that! I feel the same way.

MalouInnocent: She also mentioned that she did not see a distinction between economic empowerment and political, social empowerment...

MalouInnocent: but if you look at Saudi Arabia, women make up 70% of those enrolled in universities, yet just 5% of the workforce.

LatoyaPeterson: Good point .

MalouInnocent: The rights of women in Saudi Arabia is severely restricted, yet we still enjoy warm relations with them. Of course, some partnerships are unavoidable, but even then, the United States must be careful not to needlessly compromise its values.

I think Clinton's empathy toward the plight and suffering of women in other countries is genuine, but our policies—as they stand now—sends a mixed message.

LatoyaPeterson: Did you agree with the assertion made by the reporter, that Clinton agreed to, which said:

There are counterterrorism experts who have made the observation that countries that nurture terrorist groups tend to be the same societies that marginalize women. Do you see a link between your campaign on women's issues and our national security?

MalouInnocent: Absolutely. Some analysts have pointed to a causal link (and essentially a feedback loop) between the spread of more conservative interpretations of Salafist Islamic ideology, the marginalization of women in these societies, and the eventual emergence of extremist groups. Egypt in particular is an excellent example.

Pakistan would be another. Most Pakistanis are not radical, but over the past several years there has been a definite shift towards conservatism...

LatoyaPeterson: Why is that shift occuring?

MalouInnocent: Good question. I think in instances such as these, I liken foreign policy to physics: every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Bush administration policies after 9/11 cut the world into a clear binary of good and evil, even within his administration he and his underlings took criticism as disloyalty. As a result, groupthink became pervasive, and we began to see an incredibly antagonistic foreign policy. The fact that the CIA outsourced some of the war effort in Iraq and Afghanistan to Blackwater, an organization led by a man who allegedly wanted to spread Christianity at the barrel of a gun, was a powerful force of discomfort for many around the world, particularly in the Muslim world. And the fact that the administration lacked introspection to see the problems of their policy was even more disillusioning.

Human beings in general are reactionary creatures. Americans don't like being told what to do, so why would other people be any different? It's the Bush administration's lack of self-awareness about that fact that was so problematic.

LatoyaPeterson: Precisely. So, with that in mind, let's double back to something you mentioned earlier about "our policies—as they stand now—sends a mixed message." Moving forward, what do you think is the best course of action to pursue both in Afghanistan and in our broader international policy?

MalouInnocent: With Afghanistan, I think it's important that we narrow our objectives to something more realistic. We can continue to monitor al Qaeda and ensure it doesn't reestablish a safe haven in Afghanistan through aerial surveillance and by retaining special forces for discreet operations against specific targets. Moreover, I would not see a problem maintaining some level of cooperation with Afghan security forces to help beef up their ability to repel insurgents intent on destabilizing the government. Finally, we must continue to forge relations with Iran. Iran is the pivot point for both the war in Iraq and Afghanistan. I commend President Obama for his work to forge a rapprochement with Tehran, and for his pragmatism and sound judgment not to interject his own feelings toward the elections in Iran this summer.

LatoyaPeterson: And with our larger, global strategy?

MalouInnocent: Unfortunately for many people within the administration, there's this unquestioned orthodoxy that terrorists thrive in failed states. First, there's reason to doubt whether state failure or poor governance in itself poses a threat. Second, their logic doesn't explain why terrorists set up in countries with the ability to resist external interference (which is one reason why many militants are across the border in Pakistan).

As for our global strategy, I think my last post sort of answers that point: what force do we want to be in the world? Is it our place to be the global nation builder, police force, and constabulary office? Many Americans are beginning to question the war in Afghanistan, but it does not appear that our policies will end there. Some people want to move on to Somalia, and other ungoverned parts of the world. But once again, sometimes our interference can exacerbate foreign conflict. Sometimes, limiting the scope of our commitments is the best policy.

LatoyaPeterson: Thanks for joining us, Malou!

MalouInnocent: Thank you, Latoya, for providing this amazing opportunity. I really enjoyed it.

Malou Innocent [SheSource]
Malou Innocent [The Cato Institute]
The New Gender Agenda [New York Times]
C.I.A. Sought Blackwater's Help To Kill Jihadists [New York Times]

Earlier: On Women, War & The Elections in Afghanistan

• A picture of Zach Braff smoking weed has surfaced. He's the next Michael Phelps! (Except for like, all the medals.) [Perez Hilton]

• Speaking of Michael Phelps, Kelloggs has dumped 2 tons of cereal with boxes featuring Phelps at the San Francisco Food Bank. [Perez Hilton]
• There's reportedly friction between Rihanna's people and Chris Brown's people. Chris's handlers are desperate to put out a picture of the two together, while Rihanna's posse is outraged at Chris and say a picture of the two together will hurt her career. [TMZ]
• The father of Chris Brown's manager, Tina Davis, says the speculation that his daughter is having a romantic relationship with Chris and texted him on the night of the attack is nothing but "old rumors." Davis was first accused of hooking up with Chris in 2005, when he was 16, but they have always denied it. [Yahoo]
• Rihanna partied at a club last night with friends for a belated 21st birthday celebration. Chris was not in attendance. [E!]
• Sort of good news: Chris Brown has withdrawn himself from consideration for a Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Award. [Yahoo]
• There were only four donations made to Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's charity last year. One from Angie, one from Brad, on from an Ocean's Eleven producer, and curiously, one from E!. It's unclear what favor the network was looking for, as it certainly didn't inspire Angie and Brad to chat with Ryan Seacrest on the red carpet. [Fox News]
• John Mayer has approached jeweller Lorraine Schwartz to create a diamond engagement ring for Jennifer Aniston. Apparently that gold toe ring he got her didn't cut it. [The Mirror]
• Ivanka Trump thinks it's funny that people keep comparing her to Paris Hilton. She says: "It's no more obvious a comparison than between myself and George Bush. Paris is fine - she is what she is - but her lifestyle wouldn't appeal to me." [The Daily Expres]
• Though DJ AM's rep denies it, there's a rumor that he was booked on the Continental flight that crashed in Buffalo last month but didn't board the plane. If he did, that would mean he survived a second fatal plane crash. [TMZ]
• In this video, Peaches Geldof recounts a sweet story about the time Michael Jackson sat her on his knee and stroked her when she was a child. [The Sun]
• When asked how it felt to be returning to the red carpet after a hiatus, Julia Roberts said, "Just terrifying, awful. It's scary out there – but it's nice ... I've put on three different outfits to come here tonight, three!" [People]
• David Boreanaz and his wife are expecting their second child. They have a 6-year-old son. [People]
• Some very creepy human being took a hidden video of Vanessa Hudgens during a workout class at her gym. [Perez Hilton]
• The Parents Television Council has filed complaint about Family Guy. They're objecting to parts of last week's episode that "bestiality, orgies and babies eating sperm." The PTC didn't complain that Peter was involved in a gay 11 way orgy, so at least they're not homophobic! [NY Magazine]
• Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones had lunch with former Defense Secretary Bill Cohen and his wife Janet in Washington, D.C. today. [Politico]
• LeAnn Rimes is also in D.C. talking to members of Congress about her battle with psoriasis. [Politico]
• Anne Heche gave birth to her first child with boyfriend/co-star James Tupper this weekend. They've named the boy Atlas. [Us]
• There are new pictures of Patrick Swayze on the cover of The National Enquirer and he doesn't look very good. [The L.A. Times]
• Gisele Bundchen says she's looking forward to having a big family but for now she's enjoying her 18-month-old stepson John Edward Moynahan. "It's amazing that I have the opportunity to hang out with my stepson all the time," says Gisele. "He is so kind. He loves blueberries, and every now and then my dog, Vida, tries to get some food from him. He is so nice that he will give her the blueberries first. He is so cute and has such a sweet demeanor." [People]
• Katie Holmes' bob haircut is no more. She she showed up at the Japanese premiere of Valkyrie with extensions. [E!]
• Ashton Kutcher has posted more profound thoughts on Twitter. He writes: "can we just get clear, calling some one 'gay' or 'fag' is as derogatory as calling someone a 'nigger'. U look like an idiot when you do it." But have the people of Twitter had it with Kutcher? One of his followers responded, "what are you a fucking philosopher…learn how to punch and learn how to stop being so gay kelso." [Jossip]
• Michael Jackson has added 20 more dates to his London concert series. [E!]
• James Gandolfini's doctor says his vocal cords need a rest so the Wednesday matinee performance of his Broadway play God of Carnage was cancelled. [AP]
• HBO has apologized to the Mormon church because an upcoming episode of Big Love shows the religion's secretive endowment ceremony. But, HBO isn't pulling the episode. [AP]
• For some reason Hugh Hefner was the one who called ex-girlfriend Holly Madison and told her she was being offered a spot on Dancing With the Stars. Former co-girlfriend Kendra Wilkinson says, ""I think people get on her and think she doesn't know how to dance - but hip-hop dances she needs to work on, but ballroom dancing she's great at, she has great feet." [People]

The extended list is woefully devoid of women, too. While George W. Bush shockingly rang in at number 5, beating out Abraham Lincoln – ranked 6 - and God (11), Hilary Clinton appeared down at number 12, and Condoleeza Rice at 19. On a list of 23, only five were women (the other two: 20. Oprah Winfrey and 21. Sarah Palin). In previous years, Princess Diana made the cut, as did Eleanor Roosevelt and Venus Williams. When asked: "who do you admire enough to call a hero?" a cross-section of Americans unfortunately thought of mostly men. And although many of these men are worthy of our admiration, we have to wonder, where are all the heroines?

We've addressed the shortage of women on quite a few lists before, from writers everyone should read, to Rolling Stone's 100 greatest singers. We've even celebrated our recently deceased heroines. Unfortunately, in this case there is not one author we can blame. It seems that Americans in general are too hard on women, and would rather idolize the worst president in history than activist Del Martin (yes, I know she is not as well known as Bush, but she is certainly more deserving) or Michelle Obama.

However, some of our most memorable role models come from books, where there is no dearth of heroines. Perhaps it is because they so rarely disappoint us – barring the time that Jo turned down Laurie – and after the first read, they lose all ability to shock us. It is also easier to idolize a fictional character, and for some of us, more natural. Mental Floss has compiled a short list of 8 literary heroines, and although they include some really amazing characters, we know there are a lot more out there. Their list includes: Hester Prynne, Scout Finch, Jo March, Elizabeth Bennet, Karana (from Island of the Blue Dolphins), Jane Eyre, Helen Graham, and Anne Shirley (from Anne of Green Gables). We would like to add: Julie (from Jean Craighead George's novel Julie of the Wolves), Clara and Alba Trueba, Hermione Granger, Denver, Margarita, Emma Woodhouse, Constance Chatterley, and Caddy Compson.

So, who did we miss, real or fictional?

Obama Tops List of Americans' Heroes [AOL News]
Obama tops Jesus in new poll [Christian Science Monitor]
8 Literary Heroines: Sisters Doin' It For Themselves [MentalFloss]

[Washington, D.C.; January 7. Image via Getty]

WASHINGTON - JANUARY 07: U.S. President George W. Bush (C) meets with President-elect Barack Obama (2nd-L), former President Bill Clinton (2nd-R), former President Jimmy Carter (R) and former President George H.W. Bush (L) in the Oval Office January 7, 2009 in Washington, DC. On January 20, 2009 Barack Obama will be sworn in as the nations�s 44th president. (Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images)

JASON: Hey!

MEGAN: Mornin', starshine.

JASON: Yes. The earth says hello. I am so fucking tired from the holidays. At some point, yesterday night, I hit the wall.

MEGAN: I'm tired from all the drinking I've done since the end of 'em.

JASON: Erin Burnett is on teevee right now, and she needs to run her hands through her hair. She's got a rogue tendril.

MEGAN: She has such generally pretty hair.

JASON: She also needs to learn what tweed is.

MEGAN: I think tweed is something you don't wear on TV, no?

JASON: I can definitely see the appeal now, in turning Crappy Hour into one big, Let's All Watch Morning Joe Together celebration. I wouldn't wear tweed on teevee. But I wouldn't wear tweed anywhere.

MEGAN: Well, I feel like I learned that tight patterns like that end up looking wonky, but maybe they don't in HD? Not that I have HD. But I do have tweed.

JASON: So, is this thing on? Are we Crappy Houring, even as we speak? Should I say something societally relevant? Because it's getting pretty HECTIC out there, isn't it?

MEGAN: We could say something relevant, but then there would have to be something relevant going on.

JASON: Well, I speak of the goings on in the Holy Land. I think that Rick Warren needs to go to Israel, and unite everyone!

MEGAN: And, see, I thought you were talking about the furor over Chip Saltsman and his CD featuring "Barack The Magic Negro". Gaza is probably more important .

JASON: Jesus. Chip Saltzman, humorist. Bringing back the Algonquin Round Table, is he.

MEGAN: But now that Peter, of Peter, Paul and Mary has spoken out against it, I'm sure everyone will totally stop talking about it.

JASON: Honestly? Those words I typed just now? That's the first time I've talked about it.

MEGAN: Was it appropriately cathartic?

JASON: I mean, how do you solve a problem like Chip Saltzman? Honestly? You know, better people than him have hung themselves with their words. Sometimes I think about the day where maybe I go too far. There's a part of me that wants to be in a place where you're writing on the razor's edge, but chastened by the need to know where that line is, and I allow myself to think, for a second, "Well, you know, one slip, and maybe I end up where a guy like Chip Saltzman is." And then I stop and realize that the very fact that I entertain these thoughts, indeed, ANY THOUGHTS AT ALL...the very fact that right now ACTUAL BRAIN CHEMISTRY IS PHYSIOLOGICALLY OCCURRING IN MY SKULL...THAT'S what separates me from people like Chip Saltzman.

MEGAN: Well, I mean, his medulla oblongata has to be functioning for him to breathe, but I'm sure it takes some time and effort for him and, on behalf of those of us that use other parts of our brains for things other than keeping our skulls from collapsing, I'd invite him to not worry too hard about putting that much effort into it.

JASON: I think that Malcolm Gladwell needs to write the obvious follow-up to OUTLIERS. Instead of a book about extraordinary minds, someone needs to do an academic study of imbeciles. The book can be called DUMBASSES. In fact, fuck Malcolm Gladwell. Okay? That can be OUR book. Call your literary agent. The first chapter of DUMBASSES can be a profile of whoever it is that's allowing Malcolm Gladwell to go out in public with that goddamn haircut. Is he not paying attention to what's going on with Phil Spector?

MEGAN: Is Phil Spector paying attention to what's going on with Phil Spector?

JASON: Probably not.

MEGAN: Anyway, back to the news that Israel is bombing Gaza again. Does it strike you that, like with Pakistan, they seem to be pulling this shit because Bush is lame ducking it up and Change isn't in office yet so they don't have to be good? And then do you say to yourself, wow, I just compared Israel and Pakistan and that's probably not a good thing for Israel?

JASON: I think you are pretty spot on, there. I mean, Joe Biden warned everyone! These are those tests. And I seem to recall that the second Intifada coincided with our last Presidential handover. Correct me if I'm wrong, of course. You know, I'm Crappy Houring without a net, here! Mere steps from singing an addled song, about racism! BUT! More to the point, I love the NEW YORK TIMES headline today, "Obama Defers to Bush, for Now, on Gaza Crisis." Just in case anyone expected Obama to, you know, SEIZE POWER. What's funny is that all of Obama's deference is a rare example of a prominent American actually making the bold suggestion that Bush start taking his Presidency seriously!

MEGAN: Maybe since he's like the Middle East Manchurian candidate from Muslimastan or whatever those countries over there are called, the Israeli bombing of Gaza was actually designed to give him a way to illegally seize the reins of political power and thus allow the Jews to control the country only he's an Arab and it's really harder than the crazies make it look to come up with semi-coherent conspiracy theories on the fly, which is I guess why they are reduced to making racist parodies of children's songs about pot smoking.

JASON: Condi Rice, for example, has drawn the short straw in selling the Bush legacy. This weekend, she said something to the effect that a President cannot make decisions based on short term newspaper headlines. Rather, they have to consider how history will remember the decisions. My position is this: HEY! FUCKTARD! Why don't you...I don't know...SPLIT THE FUCKING DIFFERENCE MAYBE?

MEGAN: Um, really? Did President Bush decide to mislead the country to war with Iraq because he honestly thought that history's judgment was that it would be all okay? Or because he figured no one would notice? Actually, speaking of how no one would notice, the Israeli government declared Gaza a closed military zone in advance of its likely ground war there which means reporters can't get near it but they aren't trying to hide anything, they swear.

A military spokeswoman, Maj. Avital Leibovich, said the closed zone around Gaza had mostly to do with concerns of safety. She said the military had information that Hamas may employ either suicide bombers or more powerful missiles from the border area and it wanted to clear the area. She said she was sure journalists would be permitted to return.

“No one is trying to hide anything,” she said.

You know, in case you were worried that the restrictions on press coverage of a war [cough, Iraq and Afghanistan, cough] would mean people would get less upset about it. They're not trying to hide anything! Trust them!

JASON: Well, as we've learned from Jenin, reporters have to be careful what they even observe! If you see the wrong thing, you could be an anti-Semite! Best to be like Marty Peretz, dancing on the graves of children who died before they had a goddamn choice, grabbing up tight on his chub and exclaiming, "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR FUCKING WITH US!"

MEGAN: And even when he grabs up tight on his chub, he's got three extra fingers to gesticulate wildly with.

JASON: Ha. Exactly. There's so much to hate about the entire situation. The partners range from bad to worse. When Hamas isn't terrorizing Israel, they're terrorizing their own. We're heavily invested in this peace process, and for a long time now, we've been upside down on our investment. We can't seem to elevate anyone, anywhere, on either side that's interested in ending this brutality. And I am pretty sure I won't live to see the end of this. I'm pretty sure I won't live to see the end of our involvement in this. There are plenty of days when I think it's Gordian's Knot time.

MEGAN: I actually think that the lack of substantive attention paid to Israel and Palestine as well as their initial divestment of attention to North Korea's nuclear ambitions will be ranked by history as two of this Administrations biggest foreign policy blunders, to go back to Condi's point about how they won't be pushed by headlines, though the Iraq war gets more press (and Administration) attention.

JASON: I think that's a pretty good point. In the former case, the Bush administration poured some effort into ACTIVITY. Like: "Hey! Maybe we need to do some busy-work on the Israeli peace process." They knew that all that irrelevant activity would get treated as achievement by the press. On the North Korea front, I am always struck by how quickly they played politics with the matter. "Yeah! But Madeleine Albright didn't solve the problem either!"

MEGAN: Anyway, while we're at this, we should probably mention Caroline Kennedy's New York Times interview, in which she insulted their reporters by asking if they worked for women's magazines.

But when asked Saturday morning to describe the moment she decided to seek the Senate seat, Ms. Kennedy seemed irritated by the question and said she couldn’t recall.

“Have you guys ever thought about writing for, like, a woman’s magazine or something?” she asked the reporters. “I thought you were the crack political team.”

Actually, I worked for the blog of a women's magazine for, like, 9 months — Glamour, you'll recall — and my editors there were, to a woman, incredibly smart, extremely nice and plenty politically aware.

JASON: I wonder what would happen if she answered that question honestly. "Oh, well, I was advised that I could easily obtain the seat, and the opportunity it presented, relative to the difficulty of obtaining it, had a lot of appeal!" It's a little hilarious how this has turned into some sort of a campaign. I mean, David Patterson could appoint Spitzer's hooker-booker to the seat! And I'd support that! She's a UVa. English major, and our department could always use some prominent graduates. And let's face it, most UVa. English majors could do a lot worse than becoming a booker for a high-priced call girl agency.

MEGAN: English majors, I think, have more skills than, say, people who double-majored in German lit and Sociology, which is why you are a full-time blogger and I am about to only be part-time. But, I did grow up in upstate New York, would happily pretend to move back and know enough about politics to not be bitchy to reporters at the New York Times. So I am officially declaring my intention to start a campaign to be appointed to Hillary Clinton's Senate seat. I'll even let Chuck Schumer hog the spotlight.

JASON: I think that Caroline Kennedy's suffered from a little bit of cart-before-the-horse-itis, and a little bit of a press seizing the opportunity to zero the balance with everyone who thought they were too hard on Sarah Palin. At the same time, Kennedy's been shown to be really unprepared for this limelight, and she's leaving poor impressions. She's not made a slam-dunk case for herself, but, honestly, you still cannot look at her and say, "Oh, yeah, she'd be a terrible U.S. Senator...she'd fuck things up royally." I think the lesson here is that sometimes, everyone in the room is a little bit wrong. It's like Israel-Palestine, only fewer people will die in airstrikes.

MEGAN: It's the Senate. What can you really fuck up? The whole point is that you can't ever get anything done and then you die in office.

JASON: Right. I mean, for Robert Byrd, the Senate is just a fancy-ass hospice.

MEGAN: I don't need to think about Robert Byrd's fancy ass.

JASON: Your future New York constituents would be pleased by that.

MEGAN: It's a large part of my platform.

Rice brushes off the historians who are currently ranking Bush as one of the worst Presidents in history by saying they "aren't very good historians," and goes on to insist that someday, we'll all be sorry that we were so hard on poor ol' unpopular W. "This isn't a popularity contest. I'm sorry, it isn't. What the administration is responsible to do is to make good choices about Americans' interests and values in the long run — not for today's headlines, but for history's judgment," Rice told CBS Sunday Morning's Rita Braver, "And I am quite certain that when the final chapters are written and it's clear that Saddam Hussein's Iraq is gone in favor of an Iraq that is favorable to the future of the Middle East; when the history is written of a U.S.-China relationship that is better than it's ever been; an India relationship that is deeper and better than it's ever been; a relationship with Brazil and other countries of the left of Latin America, better than it's ever been." Rice also denied that Americans are disliked by the rest of the world. I'm sure some "good" historians would disagree.

Rice: People Will Soon Thank Bush For What He's Done [CNN]
Condoleezza Rice: I'm Not A Type A [CBS]

MEGAN: It is very rare that the news is so full of crap as today, which is why I guess they call Fridays "news dumps." That said, I believe Obama's dump of his advisers' Blago contacts is best represented by this doll which portrays him taking a physical dump. I love this doll. I want one so bad that I actually mentally scrolled through everyone I had ever met — including in Spain in 1995 — to think if there was anyone I could get to buy me one.

SPENCER: Can you summarize the Blago stuff for me? I don't want to read it. Like I really don't care.

MEGAN: Rahm Emanuel called him twice pro forma and everyone is as clean as a whistle. The end. Duh.

SPENCER: I see that even this Weekly Standard writer says, "Yep, not raising any flags for me, either. Now, everybody go on vacation." So is this actually the end or will it go on endlessly like Whitewater?

MEGAN: It will go on endlessly like Whitewater, no doubt. I'm just waiting for someone's cats to disappear or Michelle Obama to be accused of faking someone's suicide. I cannot believe you are ignoring the pooping Obama doll. In other crap, Karl Rove thinks Joe Biden is trying to consolidate power too much. I mean, I just mention it because it seemed like you might need a good laugh. We can stop laughing when Joe Biden gets a man safe, a secret bunker from which he can practice his necromancy and begins to age in reverse, but until then...

SPENCER: Maybe it's because it's Christmas but I can't bring myself to care about a pooping Obama doll. Also can we stop using the word "pooping." What happened to respectable slang terms like "shitting"? "Poop" sounds like something you coo to a baby. It's not like you can't curse on this blog

MEGAN: Shit smells. This is plastic. Ergo, in my mind, it is poop. These things are very strictly delineated in my mind. Also, my parents are walking in and out of the room, so I am apparently unconsciously self-censoring like I did in high school.

SPENCER: What's beautiful about that Rove quote, aside from the hypocrisy — which is pro forma at this point — is his bald assertion that he knows what Biden and Obama talk about. Hilarious. I can't wait for this asshole's book.

MEGAN: I believe we can say "Until he shits out his book," because, man, that's going to reek.

SPENCER: Also, did you catch Jason Linkins' Twitter-meltdown last night? WTF

MEGAN: I will admit something right now that likely makes me a bad friend to Jason. I follow him online but no longer get updates to my phone since he started Twittering football.

SPENCER: Oh I took him off my phone long ago. I have a zero-tolerance policy for over-twitterers.

MEGAN: To make up for that embarrassing admission, I will post what he would have said last Friday had circumstances preventing us from doing Crappy Hour:

Since circumstance robbed us of our Friday Crappy Houring, I wasn't able to say something that I wanted, which was what a highlight of the year it was for me to participate in Crappy Hour, and to thank the jezebel community for their many kindnesses. It was a real honor and a privilege.

SPENCER: And in fairness, I think I might have been live-tweeting that particular Redskins game with him and Greg Greene and Amanda Mattos. AWWWWWW I would say the same thing, but I'm not gay. :)

MEGAN: Aw, you guys.

SPENCER: OK so now to discuss Chris Cox?

MEGAN: Oh, fuck yeah.

SPENCER:

Christopher Cox, the embattled chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission, is defending his restrained approach to the financial crisis, saying he has provided steady leadership as Wall Street's main regulator at a time when other federal regulators have responded precipitously to upheaval in the markets.

This is a great quote:

"What we have done in this current turmoil is stay calm, which has been our greatest contribution — not being impulsive, not changing the rules willy-nilly, but going through a very professional and orderly process that takes into account unintended consequences and gives ample notice to market participants."

Like watching every investment bank it oversees self-destruct?

MEGAN: But that's not his job!!

"The public might not understand that that wasn't the SEC's job," he said, adding that the agency was not responsible for preventing investment banks from collapsing but rather for sheltering their securities trading units from problems in the broader corporation. "The SEC is not a safety and soundness regulator," he said.

I also like this part:

Cox said the biggest mistake of his tenure was agreeing in September to an extraordinary three-week ban on short selling of financial company stocks. But in publicly acknowledging for the first time that this ban was not productive, Cox said he had been under intense pressure from Treasury Secretary Henry M. Paulson Jr. and Fed Chairman Ben S. Bernanke to take this action and did so reluctantly. They "were of the view that if we did not act and act at that instant, these financial institutions could fail as a result and there would be nothing left to save," Cox said.

Um, hey, asshole? There's a reason why you got a 5-year term instead of a political appointment: so you wouldn't cave to political pressure to do stuff you know if bad.

SPENCER: No one can resist Hank Paulson. That's how you got those hickeys. What would Dennis Prager say?

MEGAN: Dennis Prager would say that Chrissy Cox should just lie down and spread her legs even if she's not in the mood! Which is apparently what Cox did!

It became the agency's responsibility to monitor them for financial and operational weaknesses under a program set up before Cox's tenure, but under his watch they got into such trouble that today they no longer exist as investment banks. Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers failed, Merrill Lynch had to be taken over, and Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley converted themselves into bank holding companies.

The March collapse of Bear Stearns illustrated an array of agency shortcomings, according to a review by the SEC's inspector general. He concluded that agency officials had been aware of "numerous potential red flags" at Bear Stearns "but did not take actions to limit these risk factors."

"It is undisputable," the inspector general concluded, that the "program failed to carry out its mission in its oversight of Bear Stearns."

SPENCER: That's how Cox thought the country needed to show the markets it loved them

MEGAN: I mean, the problem is that Cox was kind of a slut, he'd just spread 'em for anyone.

Treasury and Fed officials viewed Cox and his staff as nonplayers who had failed to foresee the brewing problems, according to people who were involved in those efforts but spoke on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the matter. They said Cox was often brought in for consultation only after major decisions had been made by Treasury and Fed officials.

Let's just say it: Bush nominated a random conservative Congressman from New Jersey to head the SEC because he didn't want anyone there who was particularly smart, engaged, knowledgeable or into regulating jackshit, and Cox fit the bill because he was a reflexive deregulator. And would get confirmed easily because Congress rarely fails to confirm its own.

SPENCER: Since I am not qualified to talk about what actually happened in the financial crisis I want to remind everyone that Chris Cox has been a conservative darling forever. Here's the American Spectator on who should be McCain's running mate:

Chris Cox: The best choice, bar none. This thoughtful and reform-minded chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission made his name for 16 years as the brainiest and perhaps most principled Reaganite conservative in Congress, as well as one of the best on TV.

MEGAN: I needed a good laugh, thanks. "Reform-minded," meaning, "let's get government out of the way of the markets so they can run the universe and make everything sunshine and rainbows!!"

SPENCER: Here's another such column. And here's Lisa Schiffren of NRO who needs no Prageresque advice when it comes to Cox:

Chris Cox is fabulous. He should be president. The only negative — alas, a big one — is that he has never managed to generate real excitement, even when running what should have been sexy hearings on big issues. He is obviously very smart, and a true policy wonk — the sort of guy who usually runs big, serious, difficult government institutions or departments. Is he a vote getter?

So at least that's fairminded!

MEGAN: "Sexy hearings on big issues?" Because the American public loves a wonk, and particularly the Republican American public. The last eight years have completely proved that. Speaking of, the red states are about to get more Congress members in 2011. California, New York, Massachusetts, New Jersey, Florida and Pennsylvania are gonna lose. Which means: vote in your state elections next year and in 2010!!

SPENCER: Oh beautiful. This will bolster the arguments of all conservatives who don't see themselves leading the GOP into regional-party marginality to push the party rightward. And here I was thinking Afghanistan will doom the Obama administration.

MEGAN: And I was all excited that a judge ordered the release of 4 Gitmo detainees and The Europeans might be willing to accept some Gitmo detainees in resettlements deals. But we should end on a high note. Of the people Bush pardoned for Christmas, one was Charlie Winters, posthumously.

Mr. Winters was among a group of several hundred Americans and Canadians referred to by the Israelis by the Hebrew acronym of “machal,” or “volunteers from outside Israel.” They secretly helped in Israel’s war of independence in 1948, a year after its creation as a Jewish state.

He was an Irish-Catholic from Boston, and never said a word about it to his son. He was also the only one who did any prison time for it.

SPENCER: Yeah I have to give Bush credit for that. Dayenu. What a merry Jewish Christmas.

A very heartfelt thanks to Esquire's James Folta for the news (and picture) of the squatting Obama doll

MEGAN: Greetings from the frigid north, where my father is currently suiting up in full snow regalia to head outside and snowblow away the foot of snow in our driveway in temperatures that should reach 15 degrees! (Without wind chill, of course).

SPENCER: Greetings from Washington D.C.'s historic blogger Flophouse, where the heat has evidently decided to give out the week that the managing company and most of my roommates have skipped town for this farkakteh holiday. I'm typing this on my couch in a Triple F.A.T. Goose coat and probably look like a South Park character

MEGAN: Only if you have a knit hat with a pom pom on it, or your hood drawn close around your face.

SPENCER: Hmm I should put the hood up.

MEGAN: Also, the local "news"cast here reliably informed me that it is now Hannukah, this strange eight day holiday celebrated by the Jews over something to do with war with the Syrians and macaroons and candles. And oil, though I'm not sure Syria has much oil.

SPENCER: now now now. Hannukah is more properly understood as the first-ever war for oil.

MEGAN: I still fail to see why it merited 70 seconds of explanation! On the news! The Jews! They don't celebrate Christmas! Do they even know it's Christmastime at all?

SPENCER: Is it actually Hannukah? I hate that bullshit holiday too. It's a bunch of Jews trying to out-vulgarize Christians. Have some self-respect, it's embarrassing. Do you really need an explanation for why THE MEDIA devoted so much time to a JEWISH HOLIDAY

MEGAN: To explaining its existence? Yes. What amused/annoyed me was how the anchorwoman managed to infuse such awe into her voice when explaining it, as though she was explaining to the viewers some strange, secret thing they'd never heard of before. It's fucking Hannukah, it happens every year and has for longer than Christmas. The end.

SPENCER: I love how the Catholic girl is more offended than the Jewboy

MEGAN: Former Catholic. I get offended over the insult to my intelligence, and more so when I've been drinking until my parents seem normal.

SPENCER: sorry! I keep forgetting that you Christians don't have to be Christians if you don't choose to be, which is not the case for Jews.

MEGAN: Former Catholics get all of the guilt and none of the absolution. It's the only real choice for a true masochist. Anyway, so a real media outlet informs me that the mortgage crisis is Bush's fault?

SPENCER: Ah, now we have the natural tie between religionethnicity and broader political questions. I didn't read that story and wouldn't have understood it if I had, so I don't know if it blames Jews at all for the mortgage crisis, unlike the giant Ponzi scheme that's been going on for some time which is obviously the fault of the Jew. But isn't it fair to say that over the last eight years, our three biggest core-competencies as Jews — the media; international finance; and American foreign policy — have seriously suffered? I'm kind of gratified Obama doesn't have Jews in his cabinet. We need to take a knee and think about what we've done.

MEGAN: I believe it blames it all on Bush's laissez faire regulatory policies, not the Jews. But I had not been paying attention to who wasn't in the Cabinet, that's sort of interesting.

SPENCER: well, that's the whitewashing Jewish media for you. Actually it isn't! Politico is the one media organization in DC that's practically judenrein. Seriously, they're one giant cucumber sandwich. Wrapped in a foreskin. Another symptom of the Jew's weakening hold on this country.

MEGAN: Cucumber sandwiches? I have never once eaten one, but I come from the land of Fluffernutters and baloney-and-cheese-on-Wonder-bread.

SPENCER: Nonsense. I read on Ta-Nehisi's blog all about cucumber sandwiches.

MEGAN: I cannot get on board with a steak cooked past "mooing." If I wanted to eat carbonized carpet padding, I wouldn't pay $30 for the privilege.

SPENCER: PREACH IT. I have no idea why you'd ruin a perfectly good piece of red meat

MEGAN: Besides, like Sarah Palin before me, something about the thrill of the hunt makes me enjoy it more, even if it is just chasing a piece of beef around my plate as it tries to escape from my fork, screaming.

SPENCER: No one could possibly believe a steak is improved by removing its flavor. Speaking of removing its flavor, or at least numbing it, did you & Ana talk about Levi's mother's apparent oxycontin dealership? Because, i mean — SHIT.

MEGAN: Was it oxy? I was convinced it was meth. Either way, I'm guessing someone won't be babysitting much. If it was meth, though, the house could be a Superfund site, depending on how long she was cooking. For real, Arkansas had so many meth labs a couple years back that it cost the state and the feds a ton to clean up because they all ended up being so polluted they became Superfund sites.

SPENCER: no it was definitely Oxycontin. I learned it from watching Alex Pareene.

MEGAN: One would think it would be hard to get enough oxy to distro in rural Alaska, since it's a controlled substance and all and monitored by the feds, but I guess that is why she got caught.
SPENCER: In any event. I liked his point about how we were supposed to venerate the Palinites' rugged white authenticity. Cuts both ways, doesn't it?

MEGAN: The only people that venerated the Palin's white rural authenticity are Republicans that grew up in urban areas and avoid places like where I grew up in the fear that they might get their wingtips dirty. They like the idea of the noble lower middle class or the poor that could lift themselves up by their bootstraps, and not the actuality of sitting on there decomposing sofas with the Coors light cans and full ashtrays talking about how both their kids went to state schools but live at home because they can't find jobs. A Republican friend who grew up around D.C. called me last week in the midst of some Caroline Kennedy coverage and said, "Did you know that half of the welfare payments in the state of New York are made upstate? And that half of the industrialized jobs in the country that have disappeared since the Reagan years came from upstate New York?" And I was like, um, yeah. I grew up there.

SPENCER: I'm just going to sit back and watch you riff. Preach!

MEGAN: There wasn't a boom in the 90s up here! We went from being the headquarters of General Electric (hello, Jack Welch, and fuck you very much, the stock sucks now, too) to being a minor gas turbine generating plant and a bunch of semi-reclaimed green space. One in every 2 adults or something up here works for the state. Ohio? Pennsylvania? We got your rust belt, only it's gotten a little thinner in the last 25 years, but so have our local budgets. It didn't take 7 days to fix the electricity here and in Western Mass (hello, Rachel Maddow's family!) last week because they couldn't. It took a week because there's not enough money in it for a big electrical company to care to spend the money to fix it quickly.

SPENCER: I'm from Brooklyn, where upstate — everything north of Yonkers — is an abstraction. I've heard you also have a nuclear power plant that doesn't work well?

MEGAN: Not where I live, there's still some minor nuclear research that's done, apparently, but no one really talks about it. Anyway, my parents were without power for 5 days and we live in "town" so I'm a little bitter. Also, I spent the one night that I wasn't snowed in drinking with a really old friend whose job was outsourced to China this year and who, because of the economy, is working at a FedEx facility part-time, unable to make ends meet, but thankful that the work means he doesn't have to be on the dole.

SPENCER: God, my feet are startng to freeze.

MEGAN: If I had money, I would buy you a slanket.

SPENCER: Is anyone around Scotia NY expecting to see anything out of the Obama job-creation package?

MEGAN: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Oh, thanks, I needed a good laugh. I mean, that stimulus is aimed at temporarily fixing the recent unemployment. This part of the country — and others, I shouldn't mock our Ohio and Pennsylvania brothers-and-sisters-in-shabby-arms too much — the unemployment and underemployment is structural. It's two decades worth of declining employment and population. I mean, we lost a Blockbuster and a McDonalds here, and one of the two liquor stores went out of business. When you can't support a liquor store, man... Anyway, in other outrage news, the Prop 8 people who totally promised they weren't going to go after the same sex couples that got married before the vote are totally going after the same sex marriages that were performed just in time for Christmas! They want to give 18,000 married people annulments for Christmas! How charitable!

SPENCER: one of them is my rabbi, if you can believe that. It's not just a Christmas miracle!

MEGAN: Oh, and noted moralist Ken Starr has signed up, too. Actually, it makes a kind of perverse sense that a bunch of Christian bigots would try to annul your rabbi's marriage for Christmas.

SPENCER: Let's call this for what it is. Barbarism. I'm sick of arguing about the merits of gay marriage. They're self-evident from a civil-rights perspective. All that's left to do is, as you're doing, point out the bad faith and bigotry of people like the man who's going to be preaching during the inauguration.

MEGAN: Well, and if Time's John Cloud is to be believed, Barack Obama, too. Of course, I kind of called it.

SPENCER: I don't like the framing of this piece in the slightest. It's not just a problem for gays that Obama is coddling this homophobe, it's a problem for America, indicating a persistent — what was that word you used earlier? — structural deficiency in American politics that you can say all this Bull-Connor shit about millions of your fellow Americans and be treated as a force to be appeased. I mean, I suppose I'm inconsistent here, as I think you should appease Moqtada al-Sadr and not Rick Warren, but let's treat Warren like Moqtada al-Sadr in terms of the contempt that we hold him in and invective and treat him to.

MEGAN: Yeah, fuck that guy with a chainsaw.

• The Bidens plan to add to their household by getting another puppy from the pound. Double puppy snuggles! [Huffington Post]

• Rod Blagojevich says he's, like, totally innocent and is definitely not going to resign so that he has something to offer prosecutors in his eventual plea deal [Politico]
• Hillary's pay cut is final. [CNN]
• In better news, she might create a post at the State Department for Iran outreach, without even insisting that Iran accede to all our demands first [Washington Independent]
• Plenty of people seem to be ticked about Ron Kirk's appointment to USTR because he's not anti-trade enough. [The Hill]
• James Carville is trying to get more donations for Media Matters, since it's difficult to raise money in this economic climate, and is using the conservatives linking Obama and Blagojevich to do it. [The Hill]
• Al Sharpton is defending the selection of Rick Warren to say a prayer at the inauguration, since he hasn't gotten enough media attention by meeting with Caroline Kennedy this week. [Huffington Post]
• Al Franken is up in the Minnesota Senate recount, though, which might end by 2010. [Think Progress]
• Bush unveiled his auto bailout, but Ford's not opting in [BBC]
• The National Portrait Gallery unveiled the portraits of George and Laura Bush. Laura's got some sort of soft focus thing going on that Barbara Walters hopes to patent in film-format soon. [National Portrait Gallery]

• Clinton told her supporters to stop talking smack about Caroline Kennedy unless they're going to endorse someone else. She doesn't want people to believe it's coming from her. [Politico]

• Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid has weighed in with New York Governor David Paterson on Kennedy's behalf. [CNN]
• President Bush is backing his brother Jeb's nascent run for the soon-to-be-empty Florida Senate seat currently held by the retiring Mel Martinez. [The Hill]
• Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich wants the RNC to shut the fuck up already and pull its ads that misleadingly link Barack Obama to corrupt Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. In case you're worried that he's siding with Obama, don't be worried: he's doing at part of the internecine warfare in the GOP. [Huffington Post]
• Hoping to take advantage of that warfare, Kansas Governor Kathleen Sebelius's withdrawal from Cabinet consideration leads some people to believe she might try to run for the Senate when Republican Senator Sam "Snowflake Baby" Brownback runs for her seat. [Politico]
• The 2008 Minnesota Senate race might even be done by then. [The Hill]
• A grand jury is investigating possible corruption in New Mexico that might ensnare Commerce Secretary nominee (and current governor) Bill Richardson. How grabby were those hands? [Huffington Post]
• Congressman Jesse Jackson Jr. says he's been snitching to the feds about Blagojevich since last summer, when Blagojevich held up Jackson's wife's appointment to a state board for political donations. [Huffington Post]
• Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer thinks that being a columnist for Slate "sucks" because he used to be a governor. Hey, asshole, with all these media layoffs, I'll bet they could find someone who would happily write a column for them! (My e-mail is on the masthead, by the way). [Politico]

In contrast to the rest of the White House gang, says Varadarajan, Laura Bush will be missed. No one's ever really minded Laura Bush much; in fact, she's been noteworthy for the lack of strong feelings she's elicited. Sure, "Stepford" has been tossed around — but she was never Cindy McCain fun — and with her vaguely not-anti-choice sentiments and "stand" against the Burmese junta, she's not so gung-ho ideological as a Palin. And let's face it, given what she was allied with, plenty of people would have kept a low profile. This, in Varadarajan's view, were her strengths: those of an "old-fashioned First Lady" who took a back seat to her husband's antics. Did she deceive a nation into war? Well, no. And subvert the justice system? Not as such. Did she oversee the biggest financial meltdown in history? Negative. Well, when you put it that way, you're right, she's great! Hence, one of the most patronizing paragraphs ever written:

Laura Bush was self-effacing by choice, and by an exquisite understanding of her role in the White House...Mrs. Bush is of a certain American type: wholesome, inclined to good works, a homemaker and mother, a supporter of the man she married, a smiling hostess. She is not flashy or colorful, overly intellectual or palpably shrewd, demonstrably independent or politically aggressive.

Which, he feels, is how a First Lady should be.

My guess, as America changes, is that the Laura Bush type will fade away, and that more and more first ladies will be (however one interprets the phrase) "people in their own right"—and thus, potentially, a huge pain to the body politic. (Think Cherie Blair ...) There is some danger that Michelle Obama, a forthright and independent woman, could hew more to the Hillary model than to the Laura Bush way —although her demeanor in the election campaign suggests that she's not unaware of the public boundaries that Hillary, as first lady, failed to respect.

If Varadarajan is hoping the tragically "forthright and independent" Michelle Obama will hew to the Laura Bush mold, he's in for a rude shock. First Ladies are, I fear, very much "people in their own right" and, dare I say it, we take this into account when we cast our ballots. (If he wanted to get into a serious discussion of the real issue of partnership and responsibility in a more complex age — which he obviously does not — I'd argue that the very "shrewdness" and personality he bemoans has, not shockingly, correlated with an increase in public exposure. No one is being "tricked" into a puppet government here.) Because, it may appall him to know, some people like the idea of a leader whose marriage allows for partnership and mutual influence.

In an ideal world, yes, we could patronize First Ladies — the international model, in some ways, for American women — who hewed to the "certain American type" of docile dim-wits he seems to have derived vaguely from 1950s sitcoms. Because, while, as he tells us, this is how First Ladies have been for the past 60 years (neatly stripping them of any struggles, strengths and personality), a First Lady unwilling — or unable — to involve herself with her husband's government is, tragically, probably a thing of the past. Which is too bad: the Bush presidency, helmed by this archetype, turned out so well!

In Praise of Laura Bush [Forbes]

ANA MARIE: Good morning!

MEGAN: Hey there! How are you?

ANA MARIE: A little tie-tie and already tired of the fucking shoe story.

MEGAN: I am actually really impressed with Bush's reflexes. Like, for all those politicians that took cream pies to the faces, Bush was like, nuh-uh. In slow-mo, it's very Matrix-y.

ANA MARIE: I think this should put to rest the rumors that he's drinking again. You know what's really going to suck about this, right?

MEGAN: Other than everything?

ANA MARIE: Journalists no longer be allowed to wear shoes. We're living in a post 12/14 world. And in that world, shoes just aren't worth the risk.

MEGAN: Dude, no one is taking my shoes. I stop with the pedicures in, like, November. I can't afford otherwise.

ANA MARIE: I doubt if you're alone. Lynn Sweet does not seem like a regular pedicure girl.

MEGAN: Plus, not to be mean to the White House press corps, but I'm betting some of those dudes have some gnarly, smelly feet. I really think a room full of unshod reporters' stank feet is probably more of a risk to the President than a shoe.

ANA MARIE: (And I just want to note that I had to cycle through a few names before I got to a WH correspondent that might not get regular pedicures. But I suspect Jake Tapper does!) Yeah, see that is where we disagree! I think many WH correspondents take VERY good care of their tootsies. It's not like they're out there pounding the pavement. Very little reporting involved in covering the White House.

MEGAN: I don't know, it's not like Maureen Dowd is there and can go all Elvira, Mistress of the Dark on him. [Ed: For those with better taste in movies than me, Elvira dispatches the villain at the end with a stiletto to the forehead, killing him. ]

ANA MARIE: I had forgotten that Elvira had her own movie. Thanks. You will not be shocked to know that right now on Morning Joe Pat Buchanan is showing a rather... uhm... exhaustive knowledge of Nazi history. Seriously, though: Pat Buchanan showing up to out-Nazi-trivia Bryan Singer about his own Nazi movie.

MEGAN: Yeah, completely NOT surprised. At least I can blame my Hitler trivia knowledge on the fact that I was a German history minor.

ANA MARIE: FWIW, I sense that Pat, like the heroes of Valkyrie, thinks that Hitler totally ruined Nazism.

MEGAN: Is is strange that I'm surprised that Bryan Singer is kind of hot?

ANA MARIE: I'm a little surprised at how young he seems, but not that he's hot. Usual Suspects was, fuck, over a decade ago?

MEGAN: Directors are so rarely attractive, though.

ANA MARIE: I have not made enough of a study of that. But speaking of studying: Trying to make sense of this Kristol op-ed. Have you read?

MEGAN: I find it hard to read while his grinning pumpkin head stares at me. It's already hard enough to decipher.

ANA MARIE: He and Jim Webb should hire themselves out for Halloween.

MEGAN: Is there enough orange paint in the world for that?

ANA MARIE: I think he wants a bail out? Or he's knocking the GOP for something?

MEGAN: Actually, I am a little horrified that I'm agreeing with some of the things he's saying about Republicans. He's still a reflexive idiot about liberals.

ANA MARIE: He has been kind of an idiot about Republicans!

MEGAN:

But despite the fact that the government is partly responsible for the Big Three’s problems, the right hasn’t really been stirred to enthusiastically promote a deregulatory agenda to help the auto companies. What excites it is mobilizing to oppose bailouts for unionized workers.

Last week, Senate Republicans picked a fight with the U.A.W. on union pay scales — despite the fact that it’s the legacy benefits for retirees, not pay for current workers, that’s really hurting Detroit, and despite the additional fact that, in any case, labor amounts to only about 10 percent of the cost of a car. But the Republicans were fighting Big Labor! They were standing firm against bailouts!

ANA MARIE: I'm not convinced he's always writing this column himself. Not that he's farming it out, but just engaging in automatic writing or something. Letting the spirits speak through him. And this spirit happens to be different than the "I HEART SARAH" one.

MEGAN: It's definitely written through his "all liberals are hypocritical" filter, though.

ANA MARIE: I think he's saying that they should do MORE to deregulate unions besides take on labor. Like, the problems of regulation go beyond unions. By saying that GOP shouldn't have gone after labor, he's NOT saying unions are good. And even though he likes the idea of the "car czar," isn't the car czar idea inherently anti-anti-regulation? My head hurts now. Let's move on

MEGAN: Well, I think he main point actually comes through at the end.

The bill would have allowed President Bush to name a car czar, who could have begun to force concessions from all sides. It also would have averted for now a collapse of the auto industry, and shifted difficult decisions to the Obama administration.

It's all about trying to make his Republican compatriots understand their role is to make Obama look bad.

ANA MARIE: AH! Ain't unity grand?

MEGAN: But let's talk cute: an Obama daughter-Chris Rock daughter playdate. That's a unity of cuteness.

ANA MARIE: But not BIDEN PUPPY CUTE!

MEGAN: Okay, the puppy is very cute, but: he used a breeder. Pound puppies, people, the nation is crying out for change.

ANA MARIE: And, seriously, who DOESN'T want a play date with Sasha and Malia. I mean, I want a playdate with them. I know, I would feel better about a rescue pup. BUT LOOK AT HIS EYES. The puppy's, not Biden's. Though I think that the national had a similar reaction when Obama picked Biden: "We would have preferred HRC BUT LOOK AT HIS EYES."

MEGAN: It is an extremely cute puppy, and the Biden granddaughters will, naturally, get to name him.

Originally, Brown said she was to bring two puppies to Biden, but Biden called and said he wanted to see all the dogs.

"He was very gracious," Brown said. "He hugged and kissed all of the shepherds."

There are also totally women in the world today wishing they were puppies.

ANA MARIE: I LOVE that detail.

MEGAN: Well, how do you not let puppies lick your face?

ANA MARIE: "He hugged and kissed all of the shepherds." Of course he did. That's the only part of the Vice President's job that Biden's not planning on eliminating.

MEGAN: I'm sure that's in the Constitution.

ANA MARIE: I am so glad I'm not in Chicago, btw. You can hear the chattering of teeth in the voices of reporters covering Blago/PEBO (PEBO = "President-Elect Barack Obama" I learned that very recently! Like, journo slang.)

MEGAN: I sort of love how more and more people are like, dude was craaaazzeee when he's obviously just sort of always been an asshole.

ANA MARIE: But you can't "plead asshole" in court.

MEGAN: Actually, I think that should be a legitimate defense. "But, Your Honor, I'm an asshole." I want to hear defendants say that, give 'em 30 days off their sentence or something.

ANA MARIE: I think that was Scooter Libby's first try.

MEGAN: Scooter left out the "stupid" part. Everyone already knows lawyers are assholes. That's the real meaning of "Esquire." Speaking of, I found Shep Smith's interview in Esquire kind of endearing but difficult to read in the absence of questions. Even writing that made me feel like I'd bought into something very bougie about writing.

ANA MARIE: Well it was like hearing one side of a phone conversation. A fascinating conversation! But still, a little disjointed. Maybe they're saving money by not printing the reporter's questions! Something that maybe places like the Tribune Co. and Newsweek should look into!

MEGAN: Less ink, less layoffs? Maybe they should look into this Internet thingie, where there's no ink and no layo... Oh, wait, never mind.

ANA MARIE: I was thinking more, like, how they don't have to pay extras in movies if they don't have lines. If you don't print the reporters' questions, you don't have to pay them.

MEGAN: Maybe we could just let all the people in the news write in the first person about what they're doing and just call it a day. The press is just like this unnecessary middleman in this day and age.

ANA MARIE: EXCEPT THEY'RE NOT, right? I was a conference last week and this guy from Google was all, "we hate it that the MSM is going under, because without them we're not going have quality information to index for people to search." So I was like, "You'll need to start hiring journalists then."

MEGAN: Oh, God, stop. I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. Or crying so hard I'm laughing, I can't really tell.

JASON: Good morning, sunshine.

MEGAN: Harrumph. My mother used to mock me in the mornings like that when I lived at home.

JASON: I'm sure your mother didn't see it as mocking you.

MEGAN: No, you haven't met my parents, mocking one another's foibles is part of our deal. We tend to talk a lot about my father's bathroom habits, too.

JASON: The whole Carpentier family coat-of-arms must be disturbing to look at!

MEGAN: Holidays are fun in my house. One year, after chili was consumed, we forced my father to fart outside, only it was so cold that when he went out there his asshole puckered up too tight to squeeze it out. We still tell that story with glee.

JASON: Wow. Now if that doesn't read like the lost verse of the Little Drummer Boy! "My asshole is frozen shut, pa-rump-pump-pump-pum!"

MEGAN: The real problem is finding a news story to tie to that, which I'm at a loss for, so I'm just going to embed "Jizz in My Pants" at this moment, which is what prompted all my scatological Christmas memories.

Which reminded me of my friend ****, who about 10 years ago around this time told me how he did that exact same thing over Thanksgiving break at a strip club in front of all his friends. And, finally, I can embed a news story. Indian authorities are making the Mumbai terrorist parade around in nothing but his undies to prevent him from killing himself. I'm assuming that, if he were like my friend, keeping him in his underwear might actually provoke suicide.

JASON: "Jizz In My Pants" will be the first single from INCREDIBAD, by Andy Samberg's old comedy group, The Lonely Island, who are the people behind the SNL Digital Shorts.

MEGAN: For whatever reason, I read "Lonely Island" as "Long Island," but that might be because that's from whence my quick-to-the-draw friend hails.

JASON: Look, I'm just glad that someone has a definition of "extreme lengths" that stops at "making him wear nothing but underwear" and doesn't involve the sort of things that make Mike Mukasey jizz in his pants. "I hook electrodes, to a brown man's balls and I JIZZ IN MY PANTS."

MEGAN: You know whom else I'm betting lets loose with a couple of teaspoons-full now and again? Michael Chertoff, when he's listening to illegal wiretap tapes. Also, a ton of liberals when Bush said "Welcome to my hanging" this weekend.

JASON: Oh, no doubt. Though Chertoff mostly spews graveyard dust out of his dessicated ghoul-cock. You know Chertoff is a guy that Baby Jesus hates the most. "Waaah. Living-dead abomination! Jizzing graveyeard dust!"

MEGAN: He is, without a doubt, the creepiest-looking guy in Washington. You'd think that he'd look less creepy in person, that maybe it's the TV lights or something. But, no. He really does look exactly that frightening.

JASON: Yeah. And you know, he's not scary-looking? Like we don't even get any sort of terrorist deterrence out of the fact that he's the creepiest fuck in the world. He'd actually be better off if he drew a mad face on a paper bag and wore it around Washington. I guess after Obama takes office it's back to the Jim Rose Sideshow with that guy!

MEGAN: Nah, his wife might get mad if he wore it outside of the bedroom.

JASON: Does he have a wife? I naturally assumed the man fucked mummies, like Dick Morris.

MEGAN: Looking like Chertoff does have it's advantages, though. Like, he always has a Halloween costume. I mean, who does a better Holocaust victim than Michael Chertoff, really?

JASON: OHHH!

MEGAN: Too soon?

JASON: No, no, this was inevitable! Of course, Janet Napolitano has all those qualities that Ed Rendell finds so fascinating.

MEGAN: Tits? Tell me Ed Rendell isn't a titty-fucker. Girls with big boobs recognize 'em a mile away.

JASON: He said: "Janet's perfect for that job. Because for that job, you have to have no life. Janet has no family. Perfect. She can devote, literally, 19-20 hours a day to it."

MEGAN: And, in context of titty-fucking, that statement becomes truly hilarious. If Ed Rendell had a bigger dick, I'd say she'd need a chin guard to prevent bruising. But he doesn't, so I won't. 19-20 hours, though, he'd' best buy stock in Astroglide.

JASON: It's important to point out, AGAIN, something I pointed out throughout the election. And that is that Ed Rendell is the dopiest dumbass in politics. I have no idea how this goober-fuck became Governor of Pennsylvania. It certainly doesn't speak well of Pennsylvanians, and I'm almost sad that Chris Matthews looks like he's gonna re-up at MSNBC, because the Pennsylvanians would have a good chance to prove just how inane they are by putting his dumb ass in the Senate.

MEGAN: Now, let's be fair. Rendell wouldn't even rank in the bottom 10 of dope-y Senators.

JASON: Well, he ranks well among Governors.

MEGAN: He might be number 11, sure, but I don't even think he's stellar enough at being a dumbfuck to rank that high in the Senate.

JASON: He's just such a side-splitting ass, and like Matthews, he's got all these pretensions of knowing what it's like to be working class.

MEGAN: Well, speaking of assholes who like to pretend they're down with the average Joe, Bill Jefferson finally lost re-election in Louisiana. To a Republican community organizer.

JASON: I feel like the Dems in Congress got lucky, there. Now they don't have to make excuses for why they never gave that shitheel Jefferson the mad shun when he was in office.

MEGAN: Nope, now they can focus on not talking about why they won't do anything about Corruption King Charlie Rangel, whose stupefying corruption in office makes Jefferson's bribes seem tame by comparison.

JASON: His legislative director was named one of The Hill's Fifty Most Beautiful People in 2008. They said she had "a mysterious kind of beauty - the kind that unfolds by the minute." I said, "But she works for Louisiana Representative William Jefferson, so hidden in those folds are thousands of dollars in bribes." Yeah, they like, uncover something new and shady about ol' Charlie everyday, don't they? He's become an embarrassment, too.

MEGAN: It's sad, actually, some of his staff were really, really good and they all got completely fucked by his bribe-schemes. Hell, even his colleagues he worked with on African Growth and Opportunity Act (AGOA) saw their accomplishments tarnished by Jefferson's use of the act to gin up money for himself and his relatives.

JASON: Yep. For the 300,000 people applying to put the change in change.gov, I recommend you vet your prospective boss at least as thoroughly as they're vetting you.

MEGAN: Charlie Rangel is beyond embarrassing. You have the chairman of the committee in charge of taxation — including a push to close the tax gap, i.e., reduce cheating — cheating on his fucking taxes. Let alone keeping multi-million dollars in tax breaks afloat for big donors to his library, let alone hitting up every lobbyist in his office for said donations. Let alone using affordable housing units for his offices to avoid having to put his Harlem office in a less ritzy part of Harlem when there's a crisis in affordable housing in New York City.

JASON: I mean, take a walk through his Wikipedia page, and it's a long list of embarrassing offenses. He's probably got one of the safest seats in the goddamn world, though.

MEGAN: Charlie Rangel puts Dollar Bill Jefferson's penny-ante "pay me money and I'll introduce you to African dictators" scheme to shame. But, yeah, he's not going anywhere in his district. And I guarantee the "Ethics" Committee's "investigation" will result in a light tap on the wrist — the kind these very Democrats castigated them for when they did it to Tom DeLay — and they'll hope everyone forgets about it.

JASON: They need to find his fridge full of money.

MEGAN: Bitch, please. Charlie Rangel's probably got it in the floorboards of his house in the Dominican Republic. Too bad you can't ask his wife, since he halted their divorce so she couldn't testify.

JASON: True that. Look, this is why I tell people: send your incumbents home! This is what happens when people never lose their seats, ever. Give them a taste of that undeserved immortality...

MEGAN: Another thing to tell people: do not make Fran Drescher the Senator from New York.

JASON: OY. Whatever the opposite of jizzing in my pants is, I just did it.

MEGAN: Well, then, the thought of George Bush kissing Barbra Streisand can't make it any worse.

JASON: Yep. Basically, my left ball is now off on a merry adventure in my bowels.

MEGAN: Hopefully, it will re-emerge by the time your extremely cute wife gets home from work. Otherwise, please apologize to her from me. I don't try to ruin other women's sex lives.

JASON: Hey, he'll just re-emerge stronger.

MEGAN: Is it weird that I'm having a vision of a Lemmiwinks-like quest for your nut?

JASON: Yes. Yes it is.

MEGAN: Sorry. It's been that kind of morning. I just hope you don't cough it up.

JASON: I'm just going to remember touching Kate Beckinsale last week, and I'll be fine.

• Oprah Winfrey is talking her show on the road to D.C. during the Inauguration. Let the speculation begin about which members of the new Administration will be appearing. [Access Hollywood]
• Congress is going to pass a law to reduce the salary of the Secretary of State to block Republican efforts to keep Hillary Clinton from serving on Constitutional grounds. So much for pay equity in an Obama Administration. [Talking Points Memo]
• Al Franken says he's pulled ahead of Norm Coleman in the Minnesota Senate race. [Politico]

• Bill Richardson didn't win any points with Barack Obama when he showed up at the presser announcing his appointment sans beard. [Washington Post, CNN]
• But could the Commerce Department just be a stepping stone on Bill Richardson's path to his beloved State Department? [Washington Independent]
• Barack Obama told all the ambassadors appointed by Bush to be out by January 20th.There's no word whether the ambassadors to India or Pakistan might be staying on. [Washington Post]
• By the way, the Mumbai terrorists were high as shit on coke and LSD the entire time they were killing people. [Boing Boing]
• Possibly also high as shit was Karl Rove, who told a roomful of New Yorkers that George Bush is totally not the worst President in modern history. [Washington Times]
• Eliot Spitzer will begin penning a finance-and-government column for Slate. It won't talk about financing high-end sex with prostitution while being in government. [New York Observer via Attackerman]
• The anti Prop 8 folks get every actor you've ever seen to act in a musical. [Funny Or Die]

In calling for limits on “conscientious refusals,” [the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology] cited four recent examples. In Texas, a pharmacist rejected a rape victim's prescription for emergency contraception. In Virginia, a 42-year-old mother of two became pregnant after being refused emergency contraception. In California, a physician refused to perform artificial insemination for a lesbian couple. (In August, the California Supreme Court ruled that this refusal amounted to illegal discrimination based on sexual orientation.) And in Nebraska, a 19-year-old with a life-threatening embolism was refused an early abortion at a religiously affiliated hospital.

MEGAN: Morning! How's my favorite sous chef?

SPENCER: It was my friend Sommer's birthday yesterday, and at her party I had to field many a question about peeling testicles and hear about how it was priceless the way I gripped my sink in agony when we filmed that. I think my favorite part of that video is how at one point my dog looks at me — I'd like to think that he's concerned for my well-being but in all likelihood he was trying to catch a stray slice of testicle.

MEGAN: From what I've heard from other dudes, I'm going to guess that only women asked you that, especially given the use of the word "priceless."

SPENCER: No, that's me being hyperbolic. People of both genders practically issued condolences. What's in the news.

MEGAN: Anyway, in the balls department, Obama is apparently arguing with everyone about keeping his Blackberry.

SPENCER: Do you remember back in 2001 when the New York Times ran a trend piece about how there was a racial difference between BlackBerrys and two-way pagers? It never made sense to me, but now we live in an era of BlackBerry domination. Some might say HEGEMONY.

MEGAN: I think they coat the plastic in actual drugs to make it that much more addictive.

SPENCER: Interestingly, something the transition might want to think about are the legal ramifications of keeping an online presence as web 2.0 friendly as Obama's has been and even change.gov is. The Presidential Records Act governs preservation of all that sort of stuff, so could you really have something like my.barackobama.com continuing over into the White House without people's personal stories becoming government property preserved at the National Archives? And if not, what happens to this enormous grassroots political network that won the election for Obama?

MEGAN: I don't mean to be flip about the privacy aspects, but the reality is, how much privacy does anyone really expect these days with stuff they post online? Google, National Archives, does it matter which one it's housed at?

SPENCER: I'm way more concerned about a video of me eating testicles being housed at the National Archives than preserved through GoogleCache. Privacy might not be what it used to be, but a government-owned online cache of people's private moments — even if it's just the stuff they'd embed on a campaign website — is a chilling thing. People's my.barackobama.com pages talk about their personal hardships. What if insurance companies or mortgage brokers or banks or whatever used those government-storehouse records to search for who had what financial or health problem and cross-referenced that with their applicants? That's something you (probably?) can't easily do through GoogleCache. Help me ArsTechnica! This is what I usually rely on my friend Julian Sanchez to inform me about.

MEGAN: I guess that's true, although it seems like there would be a way to keep the specific my.barackobama.com stuff that's already up there separate from things that people add? I don't think there's any doubt that the White House website needs a serious overhaul. Even its search function is terrible — though, all of the search functions across all the agency sites suck that bad, too.

SPENCER: Which raises the next question: how will such a Mac political organization adjust to the PC nature of government? This question will now launch a year's worth of lazy journalistic cliches and it's all my fault.

MEGAN: Hey, there's nothing inherently terrible about a PC, says someone who had to reinstall corrupted MacOS files one at a time on 4 different computers in a previous life But it is interesting because some sort of better web presence seems to be what Obama was hinting at in his Barbara Walters interview last night and the new social secretary, Desirée Rogers said the same thing to the WaPo on Monday.

SPENCER: What did they say? I'm not going to watch a Barbara Walters interview.

MEGAN:

"One of the things that I'm going to have to work through is how to break through the isolation — the bubble that exists around the president. I'm in the process of negotiating with the Secret Service, with lawyers, with White House staff ... to figure out how can I get information from outside of the 10 or 12 people who surround my office in the White House," he said.

Obama said that, on the campaign trail, he had a chance to interact with hundreds of Americans, to hear their stories and connect with them personally. He said the often hermetic environs of the White House sometimes lead presidents to lose touch with their constituents.

"One of the worst things I think that could happen to a president is losing touch with what people are going through day to day ... " he said. "I want to make sure that I keep my finger on the pulse of the struggles that people are going through every day."

There's no way he's talking about e-mail from the world. Which means, like too many of us, Obama reads his comments.

SPENCER: Nah, he just wants you to think he does. Which means he's just like a blogger after all. Okay, clicking through the link I see that interview was entirely useless. Good thing we don't live in times of massive upheaval or we might consider ourselves poorly served by our cadre of celebrity-journalists

MEGAN: Wait, you mean that another story about clothes gifted to Sarah Palin isn't super-important? Man, I wish you'd told me earlier.

SPENCER: HAHAHAHA look at their lede!

Will we ever stop talking about Sarah Palin's clothes?

Of course not! You have no power or agency to stop talking about Sarah Palin's clothes. There is no force on earth that can keep you from discussing these clothes. It's the power of Christ that compels you! The power — of Christ — compels you!

MEGAN: Luckily, I'm an agnostic! So I am exercising my Free Will to talk about pardons — turkeys or John Forte, it's your call.

SPENCER: Wow I have no idea who this guy is. I don't regret my dislike for all post-"Nappy Heads" Fugees. Why can't Bush pardon Slick Rick or get Shyne out from his cell or clear up whether Rick Ross was ever a corrections officer?

MEGAN: Slick Rick didn't go to a fancy private school with Carly Simon's son, and Orrin Hatch is, undoubtedly, not on his side. But what I want to know is what kind of shit lawyer John Forte had that he got 14 years. (Also, kids: if your friend asks you to do something illegal for them, seriously consider whether that is really your friend or not. Friends don't let friends go to the pen for 14 years to save their own hides.)

SPENCER: Oh I see he's claiming that he was carrying drugs for a friend. Sorry. I'd probably claim the same thing.

MEGAN: Yeah, everyone does, it's why it's a crap defense.

SPENCER: But can we get a moratorium on the word "besties"? That's a slang term that has to go.

MEGAN: I like it better than BFF, so, no.

SPENCER: You're like those "Reliable Source" reporters who claim that they have little choice but to report on Palin's clothes! Your options are not limited to "besties" (ugh) or "BFF" (ugh ugh) — create your own terms. This is slang-rap democracy.

MEGAN: Perhaps more up your alley, then would be the unions' shock and awe that the Labor Secretary isn't part of Obama's Economic Team, even though he can't pick one because there's too much infighting amongst unions for them to unite behind a guy.

SPENCER: Right, Labor Secretary. I have to say I wish it was SEIU's Andy Stern. That's big-labor boss-age we can believe in. But former SEIU dude Patrick Gaspard is going to be White House political director, so there's that. Still, what sort of message does it send to millions of working people and union members that you'd announce an economic team without a secretary of labor?

MEGAN: Well, Andy Stern took himself out. But I think it sends the message that the unions don't get to have that much influence on monetary policy (good) and not that much on fiscal policy (probably appropriate) and that the portfolio of the Secretary of Labor will return to overseeing labor conditions and laws in this country, rather than trying to make sure less of us get overtime. Also, I think it's sort of incredibly petty for the unions to criticize Obama for not picking someone yet when all they can do is fight over whether it should be an industrial guy or a services guy and agree that it shouldn't be a politician that might have some actual power and skills at politicking to get stuff done. But that's just me.

SPENCER: What, all the different unions have an obligation to unite around one candidate? that's not true for any other cabinet secretaryship. Why do you hate millions of working Americans?

MEGAN: I'm just saying that if he had picked one over the other, or announced Sebelius or something, they would be criticizing him for that, which is annoying. I hate when people do that.

SPENCER: Life would be more miserable if we didn't complain and criticize.

"[The rule] would prohibit recipients of federal money from discriminating against doctors, nurses and other health care workers who refuse to perform or to assist in the performance of abortions or sterilization procedures because of their 'religious beliefs or moral convictions.' It would also prevent hospitals, clinics, doctors’ offices and drugstores from requiring employees with religious or moral objections to 'assist in the performance of any part of a health service program or research activity' financed by the Department of Health and Human Services."

Despite the fact that the White House said new rules had to be proposed by June 1st and passed by November 1st to avoid a rush of new ones before Bush leaves office, the "provider conscience" rule "is getting special treatment because Dubya is just so eager to pass it. According to the Times, "The White House Office of Management and Budget received the proposal on Aug. 21 and cleared it on the same day…The 'provider conscience'rule missed both deadlines." The Bush Administration having flagrant disregard for established laws? What a shock!

Oh and also? Here's an example of the current policies which the Bush Administration objects to: "officials cited a Connecticut law that generally requires hospitals to provide rape victims with timely access to and information about emergency contraception." Because people shouldn't have to provide rape victims access to emergency contraception if it's against their beliefs, you know. If it is pushed through before the end of Bush's deplorable reign, Obama says he will overturn this law immediately. However, the Times reports that the rescinding process could take 3-6 months.

If you want to tell the Bush Administration where they can put their proposal, click here for the Planned Parenthood Action Center form. Only 63 more days of this horseshit, people. I think I can speak for almost all of us when I say, don't let the door hit ya on the way out, George!

Protests Over a Rule to Protect Health Providers [NY Times]
Tell The Bush Administration To Keep Its Word [PPAC]

• Democratic Majority Leader Harry Reid has decided that the entire Democratic caucus will vote next week whether Independent Senator Joe Lieberman will keep his seat as chairman of the Homeland Security Committee after having back John McCain and gone negative against Obama. [TPM Election Central]
• How negative did Lieberman really go? There's a video to count the ways. [Politico]
• And both the Clintons swear that — despite leaked reports that rather obviously came from Lieberman's camp — they aren't pushing to keep Lieberman at Homeland Security or in the caucus. [Politico]
• Racist Georgia Senator Saxby Chambliss, who, according to the Constitution represents all the citizens of Georgia regardless of their race, knows the reason he didn't avoid a run-off election because not enough of "his" people turned out. You know, white people. That always vote for the white guy. Because they're white. [Think Progress]

• In the meantime, the Bushies are mad that the Obama folks leaked that Bush will only support an auto industry bailout if the Dems pass the Colombia FTA, as though that wasn't a legit assumption given that the Bushies already told the Hill that exact thing the day before. [Politico]
• Obama released his guidelines covering lobbyists' activities for his transition team and good government types think he is, like, so cool. [The Hill]
• And if the fact that he was able to outspend John McCain by crazy margins wasn't reason enough, it turns out that skipping public financing means Obama's campaign won't face a crazy audit. Raising tons of money means that if they did get some unlawful contributions, they would be so minor the FEC doesn't really care, either. McCain, though, gets the full accountant treatment, which is not as sexy-dirty as it sounds, sort of like how fucking an accountant isn't. [Politico]
• And Latino groups expect that Obama will appoint Latinos to the Cabinet. They are, apparently, pushing for Governor Bill "McGrabbyhands" Richardson, but I'm throwing my completely inconsiderable weight behind New York Congresswoman (and Small Business Committee Chair) Nydia Velázquez for the top spot at the Small Business Administration. LA Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa is supposedly on the list for something (and is, strangely, one of Obama's economic transition advisers), but I think he's more likely to get a sub-Cabinet appointment than a Cabinet slot. [Washington Post]
• Alaska's verified 50,000 of its early and absentee ballots and will start counting them this week to see if convicted and corrupt Senator Ted Stevens will actually win re-election and thus give Governor Sarah Palin a shiny new Senate feather to add to her political cap. [CNN]
• The GOP has started smearing Minnesota's Democratic Secretary of State Mark Ritchie in a misguided attempt to provoke peals of laughter from every Democrat that ever dealt with Katherine Harris and stop the legally-mandated recount in Minnesota because the margin separating Coleman and Franken is still teeny-tiny. Apparently, since 3 people heard him speak at a non-prime-time spot during the Democratic convention, Minnesotans don't need a recount. [TPM Muckraker]
• Noted cursing afficianado Joe Scarborough has earned himself a 7-second on-air delay for saying "Fuck you" earlier this week. My momma would've washed my mouth out with soap, but I could run faster. Not 7 seconds faster, though. [Politico]
• John Edwards has decided to give make his first public appearance following his admission that he fucked around on his wife. What do you think the odds are that audience members will ask him how he's coping with having cuckolded his wife the way that people seemingly insist on asking Elizabeth how she feels about it? Slim to none? [Time]
• Hopefully, the odds are better that the next Congress really will examine Bush's abuses of power next year. [Washington Independent]

MEGAN: So I have abandoned Williamsburg in favor of Queens, but only because it's easier to get coffee and the subway here. Am I missing anything in D.C. other than a federal holiday I don't believe I've gotten off since high school?

SPENCER: It's really cold.

MEGAN: Like, unusually for November cold? Or just cold-cold?

SPENCER: And Howard Dean is leaving the Democratic National Committee. I hate talking about the weather. I know I brought it up.

MEGAN: It did seem unusual for you. Maybe Howard just misses a real autumn and a snowy winter and wants to go back to Vermont? I know, I crack myself up, too, sometimes.

SPENCER: This is a man who will simply never get his due. Fought at every single step of the way for the Democratic nomination, fought at every single step of the way for the DNC chairmanship, all to say that the time is ripe for a progressive infrastructure in all 50 states, and most importantly at the state legislature levels to build the future of the Democratic Party, and vindicated in every particular. But will he ever be treated as the visionary he is? No, because he's too friendly to dirty fucking hippies like Markos Moulitsas and Duncan Black and Jane Hamsher. Oh, and let's not forget how he was ridiculed for the sin of being right about the Iraq war.

MEGAN: I mean, credit where credit is due, Obama's 50 state strategy really is just Howard Dean's from 2006. And even then Dean was considered a profligate over-spender because what the hell Democratic candidate was ever going to win in Indiana or North Carolina?

SPENCER: But I want to see some inter-party acknowledgment that Dean was right and certain magazines I used to work for were overwhelmingly wrong. These kinds of decisions speak to the heart of what people in progressive circles believe is possible, and good work needs to be rewarded and bad work needs to be... well, if not punished exactly then recognized as myopic.

MEGAN: Wait, you want people in Washington to admit they were wrong about stuff? Man, you are Mr. Rainbows and Sunshine and Unicorns. I mean, fuck, the word today is that if Reid held a secret caucus vote to strip Lieberman of his chairmanship, Lieberman would win. I mean, then there's really never going to be a penalty for being wrong ever again. On the other hand, I guess if there's never a penalty for being or doing wrong, I wouldn't have to apologize for stuff anymore.

SPENCER: I know, here we strip ourselves of Very Serious Personhood by conceding that we make mistakes from time to time. These people need to purge themselves of their inner Bush Administration.

MEGAN: Why, if you admit you were wrong once, you might be admitting that you could be wrong in the future!!

SPENCER: Here's another thing about Joe Lieberman, speaking of. According to TPM's Justin Elliot, Lieberman granted an interview to a McCarthyite in which he smeared American Muslim communities as seedbeds of terrorism — I mean, even the reactionary New Republic knows that's not true. And this guy is the head of a homeland security committee.

MEGAN: What the motherfuck? Jim Webb, I don't call you because I know you carry a gun and I don't want you to pull a Dick Cheney on me (although I'm not a lawyer), but I'm calling you. You got elected on being a tough guy, so be a tough guy. A little metaphorical birdshot to the face won't kill Lieberman, and no one will mind if you aim lower. Anyway, speaking of testicular fortitude, Obama yesterday apparently asked Bush to get off his ass and do something about preventing a GM bankruptcy and Bush reportedly said he would "think" about it as part of a stimulus plan... but only if Dems pass the Colombia FTA as part of said stimulus. You know, one of the things Obama explicitly campaigned against. And so rather than rolling over and capitulating to the least popular outgoing President in modern history — and I actually support the Colombia FTA, don't get me wrong — I think Reid, Pelosi and Obama should just let him veto an economic stimulus package. You know, call his fucking bluff for once.

SPENCER: Josh reported that Obama was like don't give me that shit about your agenda in his meeting with Bush yesterday. I can see Bush being petulant about this sort of thing. Why do you support a free trade deal with Colombia?

MEGAN: Well, for one, I generally support lower tariffs on imports because higher tariffs aren't effective industry savers (it just staves off the inevitable) and because it lowers my prices as a consumer. Rather than trying to save individual industries by an overarching, government-run, slow-moving industrial policy managed by a bunch of wonks and bureaucrats in D.C. with little real-world experience in running or financing businesses, I would rather see our government focus on education, re-training, economic growth writ large and stop trying to pick winners and losers. I also get annoyed at the Democratic rhetoric about how there aren't enforceable labor and environmental standards in the main text of the agreement because it's intellectually disingenuous — the "main text" is literally a list of tariffs and how we have agreed to lower them and everything else including agreements on service and market opening, labor and environment and quote-unquote side agreements that are, indeed, enforceable. Colombia's actually a relatively decent agreement and it's not an economic threat to our economy. But I also understand that Obama just ran on a platform that opposes it.

SPENCER: Aren't the politics of such a thing toxic? Obama needs to pass a stimulus bill first-things-first to stop the fuck-uppage of the economy. Forcing a free-trade fight at the outset seems like a poor idea. Not that you're arguing otherwise. But this is all I can contribute to the conversation.

MEGAN: That is, in fact, my argument. Obama shouldn't let Bush force his hand (my personal feelings on the bill aside) on the FTA to get the stimulus, but it's the sort of thing Pelosi and Reid have been caving on for the last two years. And the unions will scream to the heavens even if he does get an auto industry preservation plan out of it. He should tell both Bush and Chuck Norris to fuck off already.

SPENCER: Wow:

They had come for my wallet./ They wanted my pay/ To give to the others,/ Who had not worked a day!

So now we know that what's behind Chuck Norris' beard isn't in fact another fist but a douchenozzle. It must feel so impotent, to know that individually you can kick anyone's ass, but 65 million Americans kicked yours a week ago.

MEGAN: Technically, I think the Republicans alone kicked his ass back when they didn't vote for Huckabee, so the bitterness has had some time to build.

SPENCER: Oh one last thing: for all you veterans out there, thank you, and may you be blessed with free health care, generous education benefits and friendly golden retrievers forevermore on behalf of a grateful nation.