If you want to see my angry face just come up to me, as a complete stranger and say:Cheer up. Why so sad?
Usually I am just minding my own business at the time and am neither happy nor sad. It infuriates me that strangers think they have a right to demand that my facial features should be set in a certain way.
@Rare Affinity: I completely agree! My roommate passed me on the street and asked me why I was so sad. I wasn't sad, I was thinking. And then I felt like I was obligated to look happy. Sucks.
@Rare Affinity: The only people I'm ok with telling me to smile are the vendors of Street Sense, D.C.'s street newspaper. I really don't know why. But it happens quite often and I do smile and feel better afterwards.
@Rare Affinity: Uggh, this happens to me ALL THE TIME at the gym, of all places. Usually while I am lifting or sprinting or something that takes a lot of work, which is the exact opposite of when most people look happy. I am not a smiley doll!
@Rare Affinity: I get "cheer up" a lot because when I am not making ANY face I look really really sad. "Cheer up" makes me twitchy. Then I wonder how I come across in job interviews!
I am fairly sure that there have been studies and reports (I think featured on Jezebel) in the past that suggest that everyone learns better around girls. (That's a summary, obvs.) But more research to support important info about education is good; now we just have to figure out how to implement it and make our education system work better for students, teachers, and parents.
The only anecdotal evidence I can provide is from Hogwarts. 3/4ths of those kids turned out okay. Clearly, the answer is to provide mixed-sex education with an emphasis on courage, bravery, nerve and chivalry; hard work, loyalty, tolerance, and fair play; intelligence, creativity, learning, and wit. Ambition, cunning, leadership and resourcefulness and most of all pure wizard blood will be de-emphasized.
Well , guess this is one more thing I annoy my dad with. ( I went to Catholic all boys school in a very GOP area, and I was the ONLY Muslim kid there after 9-11. No my dad didn't take me out and I ended up graduating form there) ( I still give him crap about that)
@salthegeek: Ick, sorry you had to go through that. My parents didn't let me live at school (college) or let me go to an art school (because in the old country, only stupid people went to art school because they couldn't get into the science school). Yet, my brother is living away, and since he's doing a science, he can probably get away with moving out after college. The double standards are annoying. I feel like if I went to a women's college and lived there, I would've gleaned more than I did at my co-ed college, living at home. Oh yeah, I went to a girls high school, and they were going to send brothar to a boys school, but he declined. Good on his part.
Whatever we do, we'll encounter awful people anyway...
I've noticed that guys with older sisters tend to understand women the best, followed (far behind) by men with younger sisters. Guys without older sisters who went to all boy schools tend to be the most clueless. I think friendship can related to that, but I don't think female friendships say that much about guys.
All male environments foster the idea that women (other than your mother) are space aliens in a way all female environments don't foster the same ideas about men. I think the culture of masculinity is the root problem but all boys schools don't help.
It feels sort of like the onus for teaching boys that women are people is being passed off from the shoulders of the media/teachers/culture and onto the shoulders of... young girls?
Who are trying to figure out their own personhood already and maybe shouldn't have that responsibility.
@jk-47: I don't think that young girls should or do teach young boys that women are people. It is simply being around girls and seeing them act like equals.
@clevernamehere: I know my little brother could benefit from that. I hear him make comments on women's appearances that make me uncomfortable, and I try to diffuse it with humor.
For example, in a game he has, there are 4 gunners, one of them is female. He chose to play as her, which surprised me. Then he commented on how "hot" she was and made dog-panting noises. I rolled my eyes and said something like, "Yeah, because that's what matters. Is she a good shooter?", to which he said yeah, she's the best in the game and I tried to focus his attention on that.
But he's 9, and these things are already in his head. His brother is rampantly sexist, from what I hear. I've never met the kid, but he sounds like a total asshole.
And while I can certainly buy that being socialized with girls from an early age helps boys with relationships later in life, I'm not sure that girls are naturally "puzzling" while boys are easy to figure out.
Setting aside the many issues that this study has, I'd say that I could see the argument that boys may be in greater need of actually being around girls in terms of this kind of socialization, not because one gender is easier to "figure out" than the other, but because of a particular cultural context that is rather male dominated. Even if girls attend single-sex schools, they're still going to be participating in a media and literary culture that is dominated by the male gaze. They're still watching tv shows and movies mostly about men, still reading books like The Odyssey and Huckleberry Finn and The Catcher in the Rye, and still generally exposed to a (white) male cultural view. The same doesn't go for boys, regardless of their class make up. I could at least entertain the notion that this would be further aggravated by only being around boys in their education as well.
I hate to be a Debbie Downer on a lively discussion, but this is really a pretty Rich Person Problem. I grew up firmly in the lower middle class, and there was no way in hell that it was even a question that I could have attended a private high school, for fiscal reasons and for logistical reasons (we were over an hour from the closest town big enough to have a private school in addition to their public school).
I know that some urban magnet schools are experimenting with single sex education, but with rare execption, the "choice" of educating children in a single-sex environment is something that's out of the reach of many American families.
@morninggloria: Does that mean we shouldn't talk about it? A lot of families are in the position to choose private schooling for their children, whether by good fortune or by hard work and sacrifice (my decidedly middle-class parents each worked two jobs to be able to put me through private school). The impact this will have on those children is a worthwhile discussion.
Arguments about pay parity and paid parental leave are problems only women in developed countries get to worry about, but I don't think anyone wrings their hands about the fact that women in Afghanistan would be thrilled to contend with nothing worse than non-violent sexual harrassment in the workplace.
@morninggloria: It isn't necessarily a rich people's problem. There are a decent number of single sex charter schools in the US. Plus, many Catholic schools offer loads of scholarships. Regis High School in NYC is all boys and all scholarship.
Lots of state funded single sex schools in the UK and Ireland. The study is from the UK.
@deeemer: I was probably being hyper-sensitive towards MoGlo, but that is often the subtext of comments around here. The attitude towards groups with privilege is often "And why should I care about your issues?".
@lizdexia: I was teasing, too. Internet conversations don't always pick up on that. Half the time I feel the same way as Mo-Glo, so we're alllllll good.
@morninggloria: I agree to a degree but I feel like I knew a lot of lower middle class people (particularly in the Detroit area) who went to private catholic school all 12 yrs. My BF in fact was one of those people, both he and his sister went to their local parish school until 9th grade and then went to bigger (and more expensive) high schools. They both ended up going to U of M and got financial aid. It always seemed odd to me that their parents would pay for private school for all those years and then not help at all when it came to undergrad but I think that was just what they prioritized.
@morninggloria: To be fair it's a slightly different context. Not the boarding schools, so much, but there are a lot of single-sex state schools here (my boyfriend's, for one). It's still a bit of a class thing because they tend to be hard to get into, with exams and stuff, but it's not quite the same.
In Ireland, some of the most expensive schools were actually the co-ed ones. I'd say the majority of state schools when I grew up were single sex, run at least nominally by priests and nuns.
@morninggloria: I think it is becoming less of a Rich Person Problem as more public schools debate the issue. Certainly right now the choice is not available to many, but I think things will be different 20 or 30 years down the road.
@all: It could be my geography speaking (is that a thing?). In many midwestern states (WI, MN, IA), public schools are generally pretty excellent (with the exception of some urban public schools) and private schools aren't as plentiful as they are elsewhere. They're also a little pricier.
@morninggloria: It's definitely a rural vs. urban thing, no matter what. Like you, I lived an hour and a half away from the nearest single-sex school. It wasn't even on the radar.
My school was much more interested in making sure we had enough portable buildings to teach classes in.
@napalmnacey is an angry feminist: I know of one public/government-run all-girls high school in Melbourne, because my girlfriend attended. I was unaware that they didn't exist in other cities!
I've noticed that in this forum, as in real life, whenever one group of people highlights an issue that matters to them, the response is kinda "yeah? well, let's talk about the bad things that happen to me."
Whenever there's a post about a men's issue, there will invariably be a small number of posters who feel like a current injustice to men cannot possibly make up for centurities of injustice for women, and treat it as unimportant. Or a post about the recession will often inspire a little hate towards the not-so-badly-offs.
The point I was trying (badly) to make was that there will always be a group that has something worse than than someone else. And we are ALL much more fortunate than most of the people in the world. That's not a reason for everyone not to want better. It's really sad that public schools in a lot of places are terrible, but that's not a reason for parents who can send their kids to private school not to want them to have the best experince possible. And being concerned about one's own child's school experience, be it private or public, does not preclude concern about other schools.
I just felt, possibly uneccesarily, that regarding an issue as a problem of the "rich" was a way to delegitimize it.
Also, it was something of a knee-jerk personal response. I've had the benefit of many years of private schooling, not because of family wealth, but because of parents who worked incredibly hard and made personal sacrifices, as well as the good fortune to earn scholarships. I've heard the private school = spoiled rich kid comment one too many times and it gets a little grating. Consequently, I tend to be guilty of hearing it in places where it was not intended.
@lizdexia: "Consequently, I tend to be guilty of hearing it in places where it was not intended."
Mmm hmm. And what I think I was saying is that less privileged people are in fact compelled to care about more privileged peoples' "issues", as you put it.
@Rooo sez BISH PLZ: I didn't really see your comment as saying anything at all. I read it as an invitation to a conversation.
I guess I naively think people should care about each other because we're people and we have empathy, not because someone's wealth, social status or power (or lack of it) compells it.
Broad brush here and personal observations, but when a 12-year-old girl likes a boy, celebrity or local, she'll learn everything about him. His favorite music, movies, foods, how many siblings he's got, whatever. When a boy likes a girl, he'll hang her poster on his wall or ask around if she has a boyfriend. There has never been any question that boys are all real, rounded human beings – we read about them all the time in classic novels and see them in films. And there has always been some doubt that crush-worthy women are anything more than decoration. Both genders could use the brutal reality of actual interaction, but, in my opinion, boys could use it a bit more.
As someone who attended an all-girls school till 16, a majority-boys public boarding school from 16-18, and am now at one of the only all-women colleges left at Cambridge, I did definitely see a difference, but I'm not sure it was so much to do with the fact that the boys were all boys as opposed to the environment they were in and the lack of interaction with ANYONE - including their family - who wasn't male and either over sixty or under eighteen; they had a really limited life view, and the Old Boys attitude at that place really brought out the misogynists in some (not all) of them: they saw the girls arriving in Sixth Form as some kind of threat or imposter, and treated us accordingly. I think this has given me a kind of rose-tinted glasses view of all-girls education: I've always found it far more chilled out and welcoming, and been able to relax far more when I'm not required to defend myself against the views of certain boys who seem to have inherited their life view from The Victorian Gentleman's Handbook: How To Be A Sexist Snob And Get Away With It. They also had a habit of egging each other on when causing trouble: I saw more suspensions and expulsions in a term there than I did in ten years at girl's school.
But again, as was said above, this is anecdotal evidence, and the bullying that went on there towards the girls naturally severely distorted my view. I've met many boys at Cambridge who went to single-sex schools - even Etonians, believe it or not! - who are lovely, clever, and often pretty feminist.
@Glitterbug (likes life shaken, not stirred): It must be so nice to be here at Cam (postgrad myself, at one of the old colleges) where the Old Boy attitude is long gone. Oh, wait... :)
The egging on thing is really interesting actually. Most of my guy friends are public school educated and I've never seen a bigger bunch of idiots who love to encourage each other in being idiots. I love them dearly, but seriously, chanting 'Do it do it do it' every time someone comes up with an unbearably stupid plan can get a bit old (if hilarious, for onlookers).
As an aside, I too have met at least one lovely Etonian. However I feel this guy was cancelled by the other Etonian I knew, who may actually have been the Single Biggest Knob-end I have ever encountered in my 24 years on this earth.
@rah29: I guess it isn't out in the open so much, or perhaps given the upfront nature of the sexism at my school I just don't notice it as soon! (I'm a Fresher, so the novelty hasn't quite worn off yet).
I heard a horrible rumour that some of the older Fellows at Magdalene (or it may have been a different college, but they were the last to admit girls, right?) wear black armbands on the anniversary of the college's admitting women? That freaked me out a tad!
@Glitterbug (likes life shaken, not stirred): It's sadly true. Magdalene is also home to the Wyverns, the drinking society that host jelly wrestling in bikinis every May Week. Peterhouse does the armband thing as well; Peterhouse is special. If you haven't heard about the Adonians yet, ask around. A friend of mine actually went to their dinner and said it was just like the stories.
I'm biased and jaded though; it's rough for grads, only about a third of us are female, and my department skews heavily male.
Enjoy being a fresher!!! Lots of end-of-term fun is hopefully coming up for you :) Us grads never get to leave, it gets so sad when all the undergrads go home and we're still hanging around like losers!
How completely bizarre is it to use divorce as a marker of personal fulfillment? Is this 1850? People make mistakes in their early lives, and then go on to make better choices. I mean really, so many things happen in life. A couple friend of mine lost three pregnancies before that finally ate their perfectly loving and healthy marriage. But I guess they would make it into this stat if he went to an all-boys school. What?
@PilgrimSoul: I came to comment on that too. I understand that malaise and depression=bad, sure. But that divorce is a sign that your life sucks seems rather outdated and kind of insulting. It's sort of a sign that at least people are aware of when they're in unsatisfactory relationship, and can take the steps to remedy that.
Patriarchy is bad for everyone. Boys schools seem to be old fashioned patriarch-factories whilst girls schools do a lot to lessen the effects of patriarchy on young women's lives (while they're there, at least). So it would make sense.
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Usually I am just minding my own business at the time and am neither happy nor sad. It infuriates me that strangers think they have a right to demand that my facial features should be set in a certain way.
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Whatever we do, we'll encounter awful people anyway...
12/01/09
I've noticed that guys with older sisters tend to understand women the best, followed (far behind) by men with younger sisters. Guys without older sisters who went to all boy schools tend to be the most clueless. I think friendship can related to that, but I don't think female friendships say that much about guys.
All male environments foster the idea that women (other than your mother) are space aliens in a way all female environments don't foster the same ideas about men. I think the culture of masculinity is the root problem but all boys schools don't help.
12/01/09
It feels sort of like the onus for teaching boys that women are people is being passed off from the shoulders of the media/teachers/culture and onto the shoulders of... young girls?
Who are trying to figure out their own personhood already and maybe shouldn't have that responsibility.
12/01/09
12/01/09
For example, in a game he has, there are 4 gunners, one of them is female. He chose to play as her, which surprised me. Then he commented on how "hot" she was and made dog-panting noises. I rolled my eyes and said something like, "Yeah, because that's what matters. Is she a good shooter?", to which he said yeah, she's the best in the game and I tried to focus his attention on that.
But he's 9, and these things are already in his head. His brother is rampantly sexist, from what I hear. I've never met the kid, but he sounds like a total asshole.
12/01/09
Setting aside the many issues that this study has, I'd say that I could see the argument that boys may be in greater need of actually being around girls in terms of this kind of socialization, not because one gender is easier to "figure out" than the other, but because of a particular cultural context that is rather male dominated. Even if girls attend single-sex schools, they're still going to be participating in a media and literary culture that is dominated by the male gaze. They're still watching tv shows and movies mostly about men, still reading books like The Odyssey and Huckleberry Finn and The Catcher in the Rye, and still generally exposed to a (white) male cultural view. The same doesn't go for boys, regardless of their class make up. I could at least entertain the notion that this would be further aggravated by only being around boys in their education as well.
12/01/09
I know that some urban magnet schools are experimenting with single sex education, but with rare execption, the "choice" of educating children in a single-sex environment is something that's out of the reach of many American families.
12/01/09
12/01/09
Arguments about pay parity and paid parental leave are problems only women in developed countries get to worry about, but I don't think anyone wrings their hands about the fact that women in Afghanistan would be thrilled to contend with nothing worse than non-violent sexual harrassment in the workplace.
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12/01/09
Lots of state funded single sex schools in the UK and Ireland. The study is from the UK.
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In Ireland, some of the most expensive schools were actually the co-ed ones. I'd say the majority of state schools when I grew up were single sex, run at least nominally by priests and nuns.
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My school was much more interested in making sure we had enough portable buildings to teach classes in.
12/01/09
12/01/09
12/01/09
I've noticed that in this forum, as in real life, whenever one group of people highlights an issue that matters to them, the response is kinda "yeah? well, let's talk about the bad things that happen to me."
Whenever there's a post about a men's issue, there will invariably be a small number of posters who feel like a current injustice to men cannot possibly make up for centurities of injustice for women, and treat it as unimportant. Or a post about the recession will often inspire a little hate towards the not-so-badly-offs.
The point I was trying (badly) to make was that there will always be a group that has something worse than than someone else. And we are ALL much more fortunate than most of the people in the world. That's not a reason for everyone not to want better. It's really sad that public schools in a lot of places are terrible, but that's not a reason for parents who can send their kids to private school not to want them to have the best experince possible. And being concerned about one's own child's school experience, be it private or public, does not preclude concern about other schools.
I just felt, possibly uneccesarily, that regarding an issue as a problem of the "rich" was a way to delegitimize it.
Also, it was something of a knee-jerk personal response. I've had the benefit of many years of private schooling, not because of family wealth, but because of parents who worked incredibly hard and made personal sacrifices, as well as the good fortune to earn scholarships. I've heard the private school = spoiled rich kid comment one too many times and it gets a little grating. Consequently, I tend to be guilty of hearing it in places where it was not intended.
12/01/09
Mmm hmm. And what I think I was saying is that less privileged people are in fact compelled to care about more privileged peoples' "issues", as you put it.
Because it's a survival skill.
12/01/09
I guess I naively think people should care about each other because we're people and we have empathy, not because someone's wealth, social status or power (or lack of it) compells it.
12/02/09
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12/01/09
-my dad went to all-boys schools until college. He is still married to my mother.
-Both my brothers go to or went to all-boys schools until college. They are kinda dickish, especially towards women.
-I went to all-girls schools until college. I am awesome.
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12/01/09
But again, as was said above, this is anecdotal evidence, and the bullying that went on there towards the girls naturally severely distorted my view. I've met many boys at Cambridge who went to single-sex schools - even Etonians, believe it or not! - who are lovely, clever, and often pretty feminist.
12/01/09
The egging on thing is really interesting actually. Most of my guy friends are public school educated and I've never seen a bigger bunch of idiots who love to encourage each other in being idiots. I love them dearly, but seriously, chanting 'Do it do it do it' every time someone comes up with an unbearably stupid plan can get a bit old (if hilarious, for onlookers).
As an aside, I too have met at least one lovely Etonian. However I feel this guy was cancelled by the other Etonian I knew, who may actually have been the Single Biggest Knob-end I have ever encountered in my 24 years on this earth.
12/01/09
I heard a horrible rumour that some of the older Fellows at Magdalene (or it may have been a different college, but they were the last to admit girls, right?) wear black armbands on the anniversary of the college's admitting women? That freaked me out a tad!
12/01/09
I'm biased and jaded though; it's rough for grads, only about a third of us are female, and my department skews heavily male.
Enjoy being a fresher!!! Lots of end-of-term fun is hopefully coming up for you :) Us grads never get to leave, it gets so sad when all the undergrads go home and we're still hanging around like losers!
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