*This book has been sitting on my nightstand for a week. I am going to read over the long weekend and get back to you with more revelations from Guyland after Labor Day.

Men Defy Stereotypes In Defining Masculinity [EurekAlert]

Anita contends that gender differences — like freaking toy preferences — might be hard wired into our brains because by 18 months old, girls tend to choose "girl" toys over "boy" ones. Well, gosh, you'd think a shrink would give just a smidge more credit to the idea that, by 18 months, a child's seen enough television and the behaviors of the other children and adults around them to have picked up on the practically-universal subliminal messages about which toys they are supposed to like?

The only things that Anita cites are things like infant boys preference for groups of faces over individual ones, the fact that newborn girls seemingly imitate better than boys and respond more to voices (which, ahem, more than explains them learning to talk earlier than boys on the average — though I was personally late in this regard), and the fact that by 6 month of age, boys' stress levels were higher than girls' even if their external responses were the same. Actually, that last one seems to indicate that the whole stereotype that men are taught to keep their emotions inside is learned somewhat earlier, not that it's genetic, but whatever.

Anyway, Michelle McEwan thinks the whole thing is obnoxious, poorly sourced and pretty sexist. I tend to agree. I really have to go look into that "nurture over nature" tattoo for my forehead one of these days.

Actual Headline [Shakesville]
Boys Will Be Boys, Girls Will Be Girls From Birth [CNN]
Photo via Agilmente

Yes, there is a social expectation that women will be the primary caretaker of children, and it's great that the government takes some small steps to allow women to transition more easily back into the workforce and have flexible hours if they want them. But by putting those responsibilities solely on women, the government is basically saying that it is, in fact, a woman's role to be the primary caregiver. That's not actually a great thing for equality.

Duncan Fisher, who heads the British think tank the Fathers Institute, hits the nail on the head with two points: gender stereotypes in child-rearing are reinforced by unequal pay with which women struggle; and "allowing" women to transfer part of their government-mandated leave to their husbands does nothing to give men equal opportunities and continues to reinforce the idea that it is a woman's role.

Furthermore, both Brewer and Fisher pointed out that while it's great for the government to allow people to take leave, both genders struggle with the fact that actually doing so can cause harm to their careers. Brewer notes that many women are being ignored for positions because of the expectation that they will take their full year and ask for flexible hours, while Fisher notes that men are often looked down upon for taking time away from their careers to help rear their children.

It is great for a government to mandate employer-flexibility for parental leave, but it's crappy for both parents and the society as a whole when doing so continues to reinforce the stereotype that child-rearing is "women's work." It's also worse when it's tied up in issues like pay disparities (which the government is also trying to tackle). Parental leave issues are tied to equality both in the workplace and in society as a whole, and caught up in everything from child care costs and availability to the way "flexible" hours are viewed by employers to pay disparities and gender stereotypes. While the government can't mandate that fathers stay home or put an end to stereotypes about the appropriate gender roles in relationships, it could at least try not to reinforce outdated ideas of gender stereotypes like the idea that a stay-at-home dad is something so unusual.

Equality Laws 'Are Now Holding Women Back' [The Times]
Paid Maternity Leave Does Us No Favours Either, Say Fathers [The Times]

A story in today's Times Of London asks, "Are gentlemen a dying breed?" The author, William Drew, writes that when his grandfather died, people remembered him as a "true gent." "The act of being a gentleman transcends conventionality and surely goes some way beyond basic good manners," Drew claims. "My grandfather was not only impeccably polite, he was genuinely interested in others, whatever their place in society, and frequently made people feel quite special through his attention." What's interesting about the concept of a "gentleman" is that (in my opinion) when a girl is told to be ladylike, it means "shut up and look pretty." Whereas "acting like a gentleman" is a wonderful thing. But there is something to be said about being polite, about treating your fellow humans with respect. Is being a "gentleman" the only way?

After the sexual revolution, after the protesting (I am woman, hear me roar), after the unisex clothing (jeans for everyone!), do we need new guidelines on what it means to be a "a lady"? Looking to Lady Victoria Hervey (here she is in Cannes) doesn't exactly help.

The Times article has ten ways to be a modern gentleman:

1. Say please and thank you and ask questions about other people rather than talk about yourself; 2. Be punctual; 3. Be environmentally aware (but not obnoxious); 4. Open doors for people and stand up when they enter a room, but do this for men as well as women. The modern gentleman doesn't treat women like porcelain; 5. Be modest. 6. Be a good father. Nothing is less charming than a man who leaves childcare to women; 7. Be honest about wherever you have come from in life; 8. Flirt - with everyone. Good flirting is a form of politeness. Pay compliments and put your companion at ease; 9. Do not phone/text/check your BlackBerry incessantly; 10. Dress tidily. Whatever style you are going for, scruffiness just isn't in.

What are the new rules of behaving in a "ladylike" manner?

Some are the same, some are different. Here's my list:

1. Say please and thank you and ask questions about other people rather than talk about yourself.

2. Be punctual
3. Be environmentally aware
4. Open doors for people. If a man opens a door for you, be sure to thank him. If he doesn't, open the door for him and smile brightly. He will feel like a cad.
5. Be modest. And if someone compliments you, take it well: With a smile and a thank you.
6. Be a good mother by being good to yourself? (I'm open to a new #6.)
7. Be honest about wherever you have come from in life and treat royalty and maids the same: politely.
8. Flirt - with everyone. Flirting is polite. It's also stress-reducing to chit chat about the weather or tell your cashier that you love her nails. Let it out!
9. Do not phone/text/check your BlackBerry incessantly
10. Dress tidily. Ladylike no longer means skirts and gloves, but when you have respect for yourself, others will respect you.

I also think learning to argue politely and stick up for yourself politely could be on this list. Any other suggestions?

Are gentlemen a dying breed? [Times]
Related: Lady Victoria Hervey Stuns Cannes With A Dress That's Barely There [Daily Mail]

[New York, NY; March 17. Image via INFdaily.com]

Is Your Kid A Nose Picker? Cure Bad Habits [The Today Show]

Here's a question: How come if boys play at "cooking," the word "chef" immediately gets thrown around? Not "short order cook" or "self-sufficient" or even "dad." Meanwhile, little girls are are not "chefs" if they cook, but they are encouraged to do the laundry, arrange furniture and have "room to grow" — as long as that room has an oven in it.

Toy Kitchens For Boys? [CNN]
Earlier: Rose Petal Cottage: Where You Can Literally Place Little Girls Into A Box

The following questions come to mind when looking at these ads: Did men really think this way? Did these ads work, meaning did the men and women they were meant for actually buy the message, and the product? Did women viewing these ads feel the sting of embarrassment and anger they prompt from us now? Have we come very far at all, considering the strippers, airheads and disembodied skirts we've got today?

The Outrageously Politically Incorrect Adverts From The Time Equality Forgot [Daily Mail]
Related: Killing Your Wife is the Best Gift You Can Give Yourself This Holiday Season [Shakesville]
Earlier: Aussie Chicken: Finger Strippin' Good
In Australia, The Perfect Woman Is Cold-Hearted & Knows How To Clean
Speechless.

The academic program includes lectures on laundering stubborn stains and a lab in baking chocolate-chip cookies. [It] will allow women to get credit toward bachelor's degrees by learning how to set tables, sew buttons and sustain lively dinnertime conversation.

The college, and followers of its particular denomination of Christianity, believes that men and women are both equal in serving God, but have specific roles they need to follow, pointing to certain Bible passages to support their claims. Guest lecturer Ashley Smith, the wife of a theology professor says, "If we love the Scripture, we must do it." Uh, doesn't the Old Testament also say that you should keep Kosher? Something tells me the BBQ lovin' folks down in Texas don't follow that rule.Smith continues:

We must fit into this role. It's so much more important than our own personal happiness.

They Love To Do Their Homework [LA Times via CBS News]

• Former Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss and born-again goth writer Anne Rice are coming out to support Hillary Clinton for President. Heidi, who was turned away from a recent Clinton rally, says, "Any woman who's smart, how can you not be [a fan of Hillary]?" Something tells us that Rice, who has traded in writing vampire fiction for some Born Again crap, is not getting into any Hillary fundraisers either. [Las Vegas Review Journal]
  
• The immigration activist who sought refuge in a Chicago Church in order to remain with her son in the United States was arrested and deported back to Mexico this weekend. Apparently, family values don't apply to brown people. [NY Times]
  
• A British woman has claimed the record for oldest woman to give birth, at the age of 59. Funny thing is, she waited ten years to mention it. [Guardian]

• Scrawny models might not be the only thing to blame for anorexia. A recent survey found that 20% of eating disorder patients could be described as having a brain disorder on the autism spectrum. Like we needed a scientific study to tell us that Mary Kate Olsen is a little off — the whole "boho" thing confirmed that months ago. [Telegraph]
• Venice's first female gondolier is calling out her male counterparts for ripping off customers and destroying tradition. Actually, being rowed around Venice was ruined as a romantic activity the minute The Bachelor got it's dirty, grubby paws on it. [Telegraph]
• Proof that Minnesota is indeed a civilized place! The state just enacted a new law that would make it possible for family-planning organizations to purchase birth control in bulk through cooperative purchasing agreements, a move that will result in cutting the cost of birth control to the public by 50%. Convenient, considering the only thing to do in the middle of winter in Minnesota is fuck. [Feminist Daily News Wire]
• Non-stick cookware could result in low birth weights. So how are pregnant women expected to make the perfect pickle, goat cheese, and peanut butter omelet now? [Babble]
• Fuck the paranoia. Taking anti-depressants during pregnancy might not be so dangerous. [Babble]
• As we've pointed out a number of times, the anti-choice movement has been given too much power in spinning abortion research to support their wiggity-wack agenda. Women's Health News has a fabulous summary of some of their doozies. [Women's Health News]
• Sometimes we feel really pissed off about the country we live in, and rightfully so, but the story of this Kurdish woman makes us feel very grateful that we live in a place where at least you won't get stoned to death by a mob of men in front of police officers who sit back and do nothing and oh yeah someone films it and now it's on the fucking internet. [Feministe]
• Analyzing the analysis of Hillary Clinton's wardrobe in major news articles that, generally, have nothing to do with what she's wearing — fair, so long as we remember to mention how sexy John Edwards' $400 haircut is. [Star Tribune]