• Last night, one of the four buses in Miley Cyrus' tour caravan swerved off the road in Virginia and crashed. The driver was killed, and one other person was injured.

• It's unclear if the driver died in the crash, or if he died at the wheel, causing the accident. Miley's personal bus was not involved in the accident and the concert they were heading to in North Carolina is still on. [TMZ, TMZ]
• This statement was posted on Miley Cyrus' website: "We are deeply saddened by the loss of Bill 'Uncle Bill' Douglas... Members of our tour are like members of our family. Our thoughts and prayers go out to his family in the midst of this tragedy. He will truly be missed." [People]
• A judge threw out a case filed by an Asian woman named Lucie Kim on behalf of Asian-Americans in L.A. against Miley Cyrus for making squinty eyes in a photo. [TMZ]
• Michael Lohan claims he has a contract that could be the "smoking gun" in TLC's case against Jon Gosselin. Lohan says it's a contract between himself, Gosselin, Mike Heller (the son of Jon's lawyer) and Hailey Glassman, which led to Jon being paid for outside appearances that violated his TLC deal, even though it's unsigned. [Radar Online]
• The good news: The final episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8 will air on Monday. Jon and Kate will take the kids on separate outings, and "individually, Jon and Kate reflect on what the past has meant and what the future might hold." The bad news: A TLC spokeswoman says, "We are focusing on the launch of Kate's new series in early spring." [Us]
• In yet another creditor's claim, against Michael Jackson's estate, a company called Video & Audio Center said it is owed $128,482 for installing the TV system at Neverland Ranch. [TMZ]
• Joel Madden says Nicole Richie is home resting after being hospitalized with pneumonia. "So I stepped off the plane after a month out of the country, and basically went straight to the hospital for the week," he wrote on his website. "But don't worry all is well and we are home with no problems." [People]
• Britney Spears' ex Adnan Ghalib has been sentenced to 45 days in jail and 36 months probation after pleading guilty to leaving the scene of an accident. [TMZ]
• Flight attendant Lisa Wilson is suing Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony because she claims their "personal protection dog" "growled and lunged at her," and "headbutted her leg and she fell and seriously injured her back." Wilson claims the dog was "obviously dangerous" and should have been sent to counseling. [Us]
• Ashlee Simpson-Wentz and Pete Wentz's son Bronx Mowgli turned one today. Ashlee Tweeted yesterday: "BX's 1st bday tomorrow!" she wrote. "My angel is going to be a year!! The greatest year of my life." Pete Tweeted: "Happy birthday bx. you dont have twitter and cant read this. Thanks to all my friends that recorded lullabies. cant believe its been a year." [Us]
• Lily Allen, who urged the British government to crack down on illegal file sharing, said in a radio interview, "If someone comes up with a burnt copy of my CD and offers it to you for £4 I haven't a problem with that as long as the person buying it places some kind of value on my music." [Daily Express]
• Carrie Prejean's brother Billy Arnone talked to Radar Online about her sex tapes and said, "If they were put in front of me I'd probably watch it." [Radar Online]
• In other sketchy family member news, Paris Hilton's mom revealed that her daughter wanted to get breast implants. Kathy Hilton said, "At one point [Paris] was like 'I wanna do this and that, I'm so flat!' but then all of a sudden she was like 'I love it. I don't care. I love it.' I'm proud of that; I think that's really nice." [Daily Express]
• Wesley Snipes' is appealing an "unreasonable" three-year prison sentence. He was convicted last year of failing to file his income tax returns for three years, but his lawyers argued today that he should have been granted a hearing to decide whether the trial should have been in New York instead of Florida. During the trial, Snipes explained that he's an idealistic artist "unschooled in the science of law and finance." [AP]
• The IRS issued a tax lien against Joe Francis for about $34,000,000 and now he's asking a judge to order the agency to unfreeze his money because he's on the brink of bankruptcy. [TMZ]
• Roman Polanski's lawyer says his client won't agree voluntarily to being extradited to the U.S. "We also maintain that Mr Polanski did not face a fair trial in Los Angeles," he said. "For all these reasons, among others, his position remains unchanged: he will not accept being extradited to the United States." [Reuters]
• On a radio show Rihanna said of her relationship with Chris Brown, "There are a lot of ... places that we've been to together, music, different things that come up that are reminders of your ex... When [his music] comes on the radio, I don't ... turn it off. I like his music... I've gotten over it, but there are definitely constant reminders ... songs that were our favorite songs, or hit songs." [People]
• Halle Berry, who has experienced domestic abuse herself, says of Rihanna, "Any time a woman frees herself from that kind of bondage and that kind of situation I'm proud." [Access Hollywood]
• Ha. In this video from four yeas ago Taylor Lautner says, "My dad says I can't date until I'm 28, but I'll have to negotiate that one down a little." [People]
• The Roman Catholic Church is bashing Twilight. A Vatican official said, "The theme of vampires in Twilight combines a mixture of excesses that as ever is aimed at young people and gives a heavy esoteric element. It is once again that age-old trick or ideal formula of using extremes to make an impact at the box office. This film is nothing more than a moral vacuum with a deviant message and as such should be of concern." [Contact Music]
• New Moon made $26.3 million during midnight showings at North American box offices last night, breaking the record set by Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. [Reuters]
• Susan Boyle said she was "shocked" when she lost America's Got Talent: "Sure, I mean, I am thrilled for Diversity; they deserved it. But I was working so hard, lost in the midst of all the excitement and yes, I felt the dream may be over after not picking up the winner's prize. Who would not?" [CBS News]
• Dave Navarro says he's a fan of his ex-wife Carmen Electra's girl-on-girl strip/sex tape. [TMZ]
• "You can't make music as a famous person," says John Mayer. "Famous people make really bad records – so I make music as a musician. I've read people say I was the shit, and I've read people say I am shit. I don't have to prove anything any more – all I have to do is play. Now my motivation is not so that people know my name, it's not so I can make money, it's not so I can meet girls – my motivation is to prove to people that you can buck the trend: that it's not an absolute that if you can be really successful, then you're gonna start sucking." [The Guardian]
• Yesterday, Rex Lee, who plays Lloyd on Entourage said crew members "occasionally" make fun of his ethnicity and homosexuality on set. The show's creator Doug Ellin says he's "shocked and horrified" and "will be speaking to everybody before we start filming again in March. It's not something condoned or acceptable." [TMZ]
• We can't handle any more Real Housewives drama, but if you want to know about the "infidelity, booze brawls, computer hacking," and physical threats" involved in new Orange County cast member Alexis Bellino's divorce read on: [Star]
• Derek Hough says his sister Julianne Hough broke up with Chuck Wicks because, "She's 21 years old and her career is skyrocketing right now and it's tough to sustain a relationship, especially with somebody who's so much older than her." [People]
• Ashley Jensen, who recently became a mother, said: "To be honest, I'm stumbling from day to day at the moment. Just getting to grips with feeding and not sleeping. It's all about routine, and it's very all-consuming. I had to feed him before I came out, which is why I was a little bit late, even though he wasn't really due a feed. And now I'm worried about whether my breasts are going to start lactating! You can't be away from him for too long. One thing it has given me is a real respect for womankind. Giving birth is amazing, and such a great leveller. It doesn't matter who you are – whether you're Mrs Beverly Hills with your Botox, or someone living in a caravan in Idaho. You both go through that." [The Independent]
• "I think for me the most satisfying thing is going out with my first headlining tour and having every show sell out. That was something that I never dreamed would be so quick to happen. Putting Madison Square Garden on sale and having it be sold out in 59 seconds. Like I can't believe that. I'm still completely blown away by that." — Taylor Swift [CNN]
• Eva Mendes says she was excited to work on Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans, "Because Werner Herzog has been on my hit list for a while. I think he's a cinematic god and I think he's unparalleled. I think he's so prolific and he's such an iconoclast-you know, he's it. Working with him was a dream come true. I know that [Nicholas Cage] felt similarly. Obviously, I worked with Nic on Ghost Rider-a big popcorn movie-which is nothing like this. But I got to know Nic and the way he works and I really just like him as a person so I knew his personality and I thought, "Oh gosh, him and Werner Herzog together? They're going to kill it." [Maxim]
• Gayle King onOprah Winfrey ending her show: "I think that Oprah always makes the best decision for herself. I really do. And I have a feeling she will come up with some things to do. She has a very full life … We don't need to worry about her filling her time, I promise you that! Life is good for her." [People]

There is one word I think everyone can apply to Rihanna's exercise in arts and crafts: bold.


Rory Tahari's gown evokes Poiret.


Digging designer Lucilla Beccaria's boho lady. Et vous?


Liya Kedebe is a fan of the trench dress. I'm a fan of anything when she wears it. Slavish.


See, does Emme know what she's doing, or is this line unflattering? Inquiring minds.


Our collective gaze is torn between Gayle King's shoes and necklace. Collective gaze, people.


When it comes to EIC Cindi Leive: I get it. I think we all get it. Is that the same as liking though?


Maria Shriver's Spanish widow is kind of majestic. Am I wrong to crave a mantilla? How can something so right be wrong?


Some would say, the further we move from necessity and utility, the more closely we approach decadence. How does this apply to Lisa Ling's single sleeve?


Shocker, that: Padma Lakshmi looks glorious in maternity.


I kind of like it when people do unashamed Mount Olympus. Serena Williams is doing this.


Having read The Game, I now understand that Steven Tyler basically invented "peacocking."


I like that Estelle's doing a total 180 and being completely conservative, and it still makes all kinds of sense.


Zoe Kravitz: cool, simple, beyond reproach.


Katharine McPhee rocks the Disney interpretation of Grecian. Not that I saw Hercules.


Whereas Kerry Washinton seems to say, "no, this is how you do it - with a dash of Out of the Past!"


Amy Poehler was a Woman of the Year, angelic.


Stella McCartney showed that part of being a WotY is making everyone else look like they're trying too hard.


Andie MacDowell does unabashed mother of the bride, and I respect this.


Gabourey 'Gabby' Sidibe always looks completely amazing. No rookie mistakes, no missteps. She is either working with a stylist who should be famous immediately, or is a total prodigy.


Luckily, Iman can wear a feathered sack - and probably break into "Cheek to Cheek" as needed.

[Images via Getty]

Gabourey Sidibe has "regal" so down.


Sidney Poitier brings the regal; his guest (daughter Sydney) brings The Belt.


Xosha Roquemore the kind of woman who can work an unadorned shape, clearly. Man alive, as gramps would say.


Woman of the hour: Sapphire.


Lisa Edelstein is ready for a garden party, should one arise. And really, you never know.


Gayle King is unquestionably elegant, but I'm just obsessed with figuring out whether she's sporting boots?


Sherri Shepherd: Party in the front, after-party in the back!


If Olivia Wilde was going for an "Uptown Girl" costume for a Billy Joel-themed party that I just made up, well, this would be really good.


It's funny how a dress like Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon's can make one more aware of the breasts than something plunging. This is not to say she doesn't look great: just musin.'


Paula Patton's style of corset, for instance, always makes me think more "engineered."


I strongly suspect that Star Jones' dress is unflattering. But I see what she was thinking and, it's true, that would have looked wonderful. And we've all been there.


How is it that Mary J. Blige can combine a distracting print and a gratuitous slash and still work one of the best looks of the night?


Speaking of! Has Mo'Nique ever looked more totally glam? (Compulsory in Hollywood when one has played a non-glam character!)


Paula Abdul goes a little job interview, a little Bowie, a tad New Wave, a bit crazy...and yet, I dig.


I'm sorry, Oprah, I think you're under-dressed!


I mean, do you see Mimi over here? Doing classic bombshell absolutely flawlessly? This is an occasion for festivity! (Thoughtful festivity.)


How Kat Kramer and her omnipresent pantyhose made it here, I don't know...but I stand in awe.

[Images via Getty]

There are only three words to describe Padma Lakshmi: red hot mama.


As you know, I find this whole random-peekaboo trend rather tiresome. But man is Halle working it!


And speaking of which: who could work this good-witch fantasia like Iman?


Gotta say it: on occasiona, Grenier cleans up well. And I mean "cleans up" literally.


Hey, Mary J never said she cared about keeping a a reptile alive!


Gayle King: apparently highly influenced by that 'Mad Men'-themed Oprah! What say you?


Luck be a lady tonight.


Estelle takes the whole "Rescue" element literally and channels a sinister leather-clad girl scout.


Love Kerry Washington, love "Ascot Gavotte" - so what's not to adore?

[Images via Getty]

Gabourey "Gabby" Sidibe's plum-colored gown has questionable sleeves, but she looks happy and comfortable.

IMdB tells me that Chyna Layne was in Cadillac Records and something called STD: Sexually Transmitted Demons. Her one-sleeved gown is not for wallflowers! It kind of looks like wallpaper, but I love the color, and the large bow on one side reminds me of the Baroness in The Sound Of Music.

Sherri Shepherd looks fantastic, though I think she'd benefit from a more open neckline.

71-year-old Jane Fonda appears to be wearing LEATHER PANTS. And looking fierce while doing so.

Harvey Keitel's glasses = Awesome.

Precious actress Xosha Roquemore looks adorable in this little strapless number.

Paula Patton is stunning, and I dig her interesting LGD — little gray dress — but the booties just aren't right.

Mariah Carey shows off her hourglass figure in what seems to be a long-sleeved American Apparel tee.

Mariah's husband Nick Cannon: Dapper.

Steve Buscemi and date: Charmingly rumpled.

I can't decide if Oprah's BFF Gayle King looks casually elegant, needs a shorter hem, or both.

You've gotta love the rock 'n roll nonchalance Lenny and Zoe Kravitz bring to the red carpet. Everything's a little bit off, yet it all works somehow.

I love that line in Mary J. Blige's The One" where she sings, "I ain't saying that I'm the best; but I'm the best." The lady looks amazing. You are the best, Mary!

[Images via Getty.]

In the clip above, Gayle plays a secretary at Sterling Cooper. (It's great to be BFF with the most powerful woman in media.) In the clip below, Oprah discusses the realistic portrayals of sexism and racism on Mad Men with January Jones and Jon Hamm.

[New York, August 10. Image via INF]

Ok, so hopefully in combo with the lead photo, you can see the asymmetrical action on Amy Adams' glam gown. (It's off the shoulder on the other side.)


It's like Jaslene Gonzalez doesn't even care that I'm over the tummy-peep trend and its accompanying 10th grade-geometry-worthy tan lines! (Yeah, I know you smarter kids took Geometry earlier, but I was in the slow math group.)


Katie Lee (Joel?) is looking a lot more comfortable in her skin on the red carpet these days. It's too bad this coincides with everyone kind of turning on her for vague reasons that, at least in my case, have less to do with Billy Joel than with her career as a celebrity chef and restauranteur.


Okay, I friggin' adore writer and former French Vogue editor Joan Juliet Buck, so it's no shock that this beggar-princess-Arabian-Nights ensemble should totally make my day. I mean, can you see Wintour or her coterie in anything this bizarre? (ALT's caftans excepted, of course.)


Okay, there's something I'm not loving in the mix of low-key glitz and glitz-glitz in Claire Robinson's getup, but this is one of the few frocks that I can actually imagine wearing in yesterday's gruesome stickiness.


Many of us may know Frances Sternhagen best as Bunny MacDougal, but she's also a distinguished stage actress. And someone whose unabashedly white hair and equally unabashed hot-weather-comfort dress I am finding delightfully no-fuss.


Patricia Clarkson, obviously, looks crisp, cucumber-cool and like a total class act.


Chris Messina is, looks, extremely handsome. The end.


Jillian Bach models the "tearaway" bodice, a trend only available to those women with svelte chests. The rest of us would give "bodice-ripper" a new meaning.


What say you about Gayle King's racing stripes? I, personally, hate 'em, but it takes all kinds, as a man once said, to make a world.


Meryl Streep does no-nonsense, wear-anywhere.


Rachel Roy sports the extremely expensive I-Have-"Celebrity Skin"-in-my-walkman distressed jeans trend I'm really hoping is about to end.


Why is Barbara Walters wearing a coat? Because she didn't want to sport head-to-toe ecru?


Come on, even Rachael Ray's harshest critics would be hard-pressed to find much to criticize in this super-safe LBD.


Julie Powell, meanwhile, follows suit. As you know, I have a particular sympathy for the writers at these celeb-filled events; it must be a bit of an ordeal, albeit exciting.


[Images via Getty]

• Samantha Ronson reportedly returned home at 5am last night to find that Lindsay Lohan had been waiting on her stoop for hours. The paparazzi caught Linds crying, demanding to know where Sam had been, and shrieking, "I'm your girlfriend!"

• Lindsay had apparently been waiting with an anonymous friend who Sam kicks out saying, "She's on my property, I don't know her, I want her out." The girl leaves and Lindsay follows Sam into the house, slamming the door behind her. Video here: [TMZ]
• Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush have split, reports US. "Nobody cheated," said a source. Didn't they just go to Africa together? [US]
• A car Katie Holmes was sitting in on the Australian set of Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark started sparking and burst into flames seconds after she got out due to a problem with the car battery. "Katie was very shaken by the ordeal," said a source. "She took the rest of the day off while special effects staff looked over the faults. Katie has filmed scenes since but it has made her think about her safety on set. She will be shooting the same scene at a later date." [The Daily Mail]
• "A source very, very, very, very close to Jon Gosselin" revealed exclusively to RadarOnline.com that Jon is secretly still dating both Hailey Glassman AND Kate Major." Two things: is the source "very, very, very, very close to Jon" Jon Gosselin? Also, if this is how Jon keeps a secret what's his version of a public announcement? Is he going to go door to door introducing us to his new girlfriend? [Radar Online]
• A reporter Kate Major used to intern for at Chicago Now says Kate told her she and Jon Gosselin are together but he "can't talk" right now due to his "situation," meaning his pending divorce and contract with TLC. [Chicago Now]
• Tony Romo has instructed security to keep Jessica Simpson out of his Dallas home. A sign at the entrance to his gated community reads "RED ALERT!!! TONY ROMO HAS MADE SOME CHANGES TO HIS LIST OF PEOPLE ALLOWED IN....JESSICA IS NO LONGER ON THE LIST AND NOT APPROVED FOR ACCESS." [Us]
• Here's some good news: Rihanna's rep says that though she and Chris Brown stayed at the same hotel over the weekend, it was just a coincidence and they're not back together. Maybe she can explain that concept to Robert Pattinson/Kristen Stewart fans too. [MSNBC]
• A parole hearing took place today for the man who killed Kelsey Grammer's sister in 1975 in an attempted robbery. Grammer tried to attend the hearing but his flight was delayed, so he wrote a letter saying his sister was "smart and good and decent," and "I can never escape the horror of what happened" to her ... "Please do not release this man from prison." The parole board decided Karen Grammer's murderer will stay in prison for at least another five years. [TMZ]
• Kelly Clarkson's new single "Already Gone" has the same backing track as Beyonce's "Halo" and Clarkson says it's all the her music producer's fault. "No one's gonna be sittin' at home, thinking 'Man, Ryan Tedder gave Beyonce and Kelly the same track to write to ... no, they're just gonna be saying I ripped someone off," she said. [TMZ]
• The I.R.S has filed a $7,373 tax lien against P.Diddy's Atlanta restaurant Justin's Restaurant. Diddy says it's all a big mistake: the I.R.S. was sending notices to his identically named restaurant in New York that closed a few years ago. [The Detroit News]
• Tito Jackson has confirmed that Michael Jackson's body is at Forest Lawn cemetery. [Entertainment Tonight]
• Debbie Rowe just showed up at the Beverly Hills office of her former boss Dr. Arnold Klein, supposedly to visit another doctor who works in Klein's office. [TMZ]
• Fans at a Jonas Brothers concert this weekend concluded that Joe Jonas broke up with Camilla Belle after he changed the lyrics to a few songs and appeared to cry during the song "Camp Rock." [The Mirror, Perez Hilton]
• Now Camilla Belle's rep has confirmed the breakup explaining, "There is no third party involved and they care deeply about each other and will remain friends." [People]
• BREAKING: Victoria Beckham went to dinner with her hair in a bun. [The Telegraph]
• Sacha Baron Cohen has been threatened by the group of Palestinian terrorists featured in Bruno. A representative for The Martyrs Brigades released a statement saying they are "very upset" and will "respond in a suitable way." [The Telegraph]
• Lost creators Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof dropped some spoilers about season six at Comic Con, which you can read about here: [N.Y. Magazine]
• We're learning more fascinating details about Jennifer Lopez's 40th birthday party on Saturday night. Liza Minnelli, Gayle King, and various Lopez family members were in attendance, and a witness says J.Lo and Marc Anthony "were affectionate with each other and obviously loving the night. Marc's arm was around Jennifer a lot, they'd give each other pecks on the face every now and then. She was clearly pleased with how the night went." [People]
• Entertainment Tonight just figured out that Mischa Barton has been released from psychiatric evaluation (even though Us reported it last week.) [Entertainment Tonight]
• Joel Madden says he's working on a memoir about his experience with kids, relationship, and moving to L.A., "but I don't want to put a book out there if it's not actually meaningful. I'm not going to go there unless I can deliver." [People]
• Robert Downey Jr. will star opposite Zach Galifianakis in Due Date, a comedy about an expectant father (Downey) trying to get to the birth of his first child. Director Todd Philips of The Hangover describes it as "a buddy comedy without the buddies." [Yahoo]
• Robert Downey Jr. said he thinks he and Jude Law have a special chemistry in Sherlock Homes, joking, "It's called circumstantial homosexuality." He added that even in real life, "We just became really close really quickly, because we just rolled up our sleeves and started working from jump." [People]
• Tobey Maguire wrote a letter to Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senator Tom Harkin saying, "As a parent, I am contacting you because I am deeply concerned that unhealthy school lunches are contributing to our nation's childhood obesity epidemic. My wife and I just had our second child, so this issue is tremendously important to us…Let me ask you please to ensure the Child Nutrition Act provides more fruits, vegetables, and healthy vegetarian foods. Young people deserve healthful food, and I can't imagine a better investment in the future of our country." [Politico]
• "I haven't chosen any other action films since Kill Bill because I felt that everything else just sort of paled by comparison. I don't like to get lulled into some hole that I can't get out of." — Uma Thurman [The Daily Express]
• Megan Fox says she's too afraid to watch horror movies, but she enjoyed starring in Jennifer's Body because, "For me to be able to play something that I would normally be frightened by was really intriguing and interesting... It's cool to see myself being able to scare people because I'm just a little girl." [People]

• Aretha Franklin is getting ready to sing for Barack Obama at the inauguration. She met him in 2005 at the funeral of Rosa Parks and says: "I think they expect between three and five million people at the swearing-in. Although I have sung for many, many people - hundreds of thousands - I have never sung for that kind of number, but I am absolutely looking forward to it." [Times of London]
• Kerry Washington, who was the national co-chair for the Vote for Change initiative, is in D.C. for the inauguration and has already attended an Essence magazine lunch and hit some cocktail parties. [USA Today]
• Yesterday's "We Are One" concert at the Lincoln Memorial featured Beyoncé, Stevie Wonder, Bruce Springsteen, Jon Bon Jovi and U2. Watching in the VIP section: Blair Underwood and family; Jay-Z, Angela Bassett. [MSNBC Scoop, Washinton Post]
• In D.C.: J.Lo, Marc Anthony, Shakira, Rosie Perez, Wilmer Valderrama, George Lopez, Geraldo Rivera, Rosario Dawson and others at the Latino Inaugural Ball. Lopez and Anthony were seen kissing. [Politico]
• At the Declare Yourself event: Jessica Alba, Ben Affleck, Jamie Foxx, Hayden Panettiere, Rick Schroeder, Sarah Silverman, John Legend and Lindsay Lohan. [Politico]
• Oprah's best friend Gayle King is in D.C. too, she went to the BET Honors VIP reception. She's got her own XM radio show. [WaPo]
• By the by, J. Lo and Marc are showing "no visible signs of marital distress" despite the tabloid headlines. [MSNBC]
• Picture this: 50 Cent was performing at a Vitamin Water party at the Sundance Film Festival and it was Jim Carrey's birthday, so Fiddy invitved Carrey onto the stage where he busted out some dance moves. [Gatecrasher]
• Mariah Carey got wasted at a Sundance event her husband was DJing. [Gatecrasher]
• Kate Winslet says of The Reader and Revolutionary Road: "I've been very lucky this year. It's extraordinary playing two such wonderful women." Understatement! [Telegraph]
• Leonardo DiCaprio says of filming with Kate Winslet and Sam Mendes: "It felt like a kind of a family — a sort of weird twisted family." [Mirror]
• Ashton Kutcher's blog on The Huffington Post is about a Presidential Pledge. He writes: "We have gathered a group of individuals who share the courage to pledge to our president, and the world at large, what it is that they are willing to do, give, or sacrifice, in an effort to help their fellow man. Our hope is that this effort will inspire others to do the same, with individuals posting their initiatives within their communities. This is not a selfless utopian action. In fact it is a very selfish one. By improving the lives of those who surround us we will in effect improve our own." [HuffPo]
• If you haven't already seen the sad spectacle that is Joaquin Phoenix rapping, click for video. [E!]
• Also a sad spectacle: Joaquin's beard. [People]
• Jeremy Piven's publicist is upset that the producers of Speed-The-Plow have filed a grievance against Piven and says it's outrageous. "He withdrew from the play due to medical necessity on the advice of his doctors, Samantha Masts insists. She also notes he hasn't even been paid for his Broadway stint yet. [UPI, E!]
• This long, long story is about how, with all of her projects, Victoria is beating David and emerging as the "winner" in the Beckham marriage. [Times Of London]
• Any chance Tina Fey's Sarah Palin character will show up on Amy Poehler's new TV show? "No, no, no." [E!]
• The death of Mark Ruffalo's brother, Scott, has been ruled a homicide. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which odd couple better hope their mutual spouses don’t discover that they shared a recent night of passion in Las Vegas?" [Gatecrasher]
• Christina Aguilera and husband Jordan Bratman threw Where The Wild Things Are-themed birthday party for their son, Max, on Saturday. [People]
• Is Kate Middleton, Prince William's ladylove, coming to New York? She's spoken with Anna Wintour and Tom Ford and is thinking about working at a major fashion house. [Daily Express]
• Paris Hilton really is BFFs with the winner of her MTV show, Brittany Flickinger: "I love her. She’s slept at my house every night for the last four weeks." But! Paris's dream best friend? Angelina Jolie. "She’s strong but gorgeous and uses her fame for good to make a big difference in the world. That’s a great quality. I’d have a lot in common with her." Um, LOL? [Pop Dirt]
• Isla Fisher is trying to plot her wedding to Sacha Baron Cohen: "[It] has been difficult to plan," she tells Allure. "It is very important to me to have a beautiful ritual celebrated with all my family and friends… when you are in the public eye, to keep that private and to make it happen without it being really visible is really difficult." Plus, Bruno could show up! [SMH]
• Kate Moss's birthday party was a "monumental medieval bash," but the young lady at the door accidentally let some random people in and got yelled at by Kate. [This Is London]
• Jamie Hince has purchased some unconventional artwork for Kate Moss's 35th birthday: A Parisian graffiti artist will spray the pieces directly on the walls of Kate's house. [The Sun]
• Whoops! Katy Perry was accidentally given the International Song Of THe Year award in Cannes, due to an error in the vote-counting. The real winner? Rihanna. [News.com.au]
• Boy George is in prison, where, says an inmate, "He’s not been crying but seems to be in another world and sleeps a lot. They’ve put him in a cell with a Rasta guy to protect him and there is always a guard close by." [The Sun]
• The Jonas Brothers are getting their own TV show, and it's inspired by the Beatles… and the Monkees. The concept: The bros play boys in a band trying to live normal lives at a regular school, despite being trailed by throngs of ardent fans. A hard day's night? [Reuters]
• By the by, Nick Jonas lost a ping-pong game to Sasha and Malia Obama. [UPI]
• Uh-oh: Three buses carrying this year's 52 Miss America got lost on the ladies' first night in Las Vegas. [UPI]
• Sexy spoiler alert: This season of Lost will be extremely Sawyer-centric. And! Oh! New video sneak peek! [E!]
• Here's an interview with Lost's Michael Emerson, aka Benjamin Linus. [E!]
• Hmm, Jay Jopling, the dude that Lily Allen's been hanging all over, is actually married to edgy British artist Sam Taylor-Wood, and now she's facing a £100m divorce. [Daily Mail]
• Even though Guy Ritchie and Robert Downey Jr. have become friends while shooting Sherlock Holmes, Downey is angry that Ritchie is making him wear four-inch platforms in his shoes to give his character some height. A source says: "Rob is stumbling around a lot and cursing Guy over the silly shoes." [The Sun]
• ZOMG, Courtney Love is trying to set up Frances Bean with Twilight's Robert Pattinson! [Daily Mail]
• Portia de Rossi says marriage has changed her life. "It's legal, and it's real, so there's that kind of formality to it that makes it very valid," she says. "I think the emotions that went with that as a gay woman kind of surprised me – that I would be that relieved to have my mother be present at the ceremony to bless the union, and to call [Ellen] her daughter-in-law." [People]
• Congrats to Brothers & Sisters star Rachel Griffiths, who is pregnant with her third child. [UPI]
• The Michael Jackson musical, Thriller Live, has hit the boards in London's West End, but doesn't reference Jackson's backstory. Plus! Producer Paul Walden speaks of MJ in the past tense, saying, "Here was an artist who had an amazing career." [Wall Street Journal]
• FYI: In NYC's horse carriage battle, Liam Neeson is all for them and Alec Baldwin is against. [Page Six]
• CNN's Soledad O'Brien lives in a NYC apartment building where one of her neighbors has a mastiff. Apparently O'Brien is not a fan of the dog due to its "size, slobbering, shedding, drooling, gassiness and odors" — and got the animal — and its owners — kicked out of the building. Sad face! O'Brien has a cat. [ Gothamist]
• Brody Jenner and his Playboy Playmate girlfriend like to stay home and bake cookies. Her Christmas gift to him was a custom surfboard emblazoned with a photo from her Playmate of the Year spread and the Playboy Bunny logo. Classy! [People]
• Alex Trebek is hosting something called Canada's Next Prime MInister. Is that how they do it up north? [Yahoo News]
• Eliza Dushku is developing a biopic about the late photographer Robert Mapplethorpe, and her brother, Nate, will star. Keeping the homoeroticism in the family! [E!]
• John Cleese, 69, has a 27-year-old girlfriend named Barbie, and she's telling this paper about seeing him naked and having sex with him and says he has the "package of a 19-year-old." [Mirror]
• Look for Cher to star in a comedy in which Johnny Knoxville is her love interest. She's 62; he's 35. Fox 411]
• Madonna's new promo shot in which she is wearing thigh-high bondage boots and white fishnet tights, a thong and a top that resembles a surgical bandage is really not that raunchy, considering. [Telegraph]
• Check out Eddie Murphy getting friendly with a blonde on the dancefloor. [Concrete Loop]
• Apparently what the world needs now is another Gordon Gekko movie. [Telegraph]
• "They photoshopped the crap out of me! I don’t care — whoever she is, she looks great!" — Kelly Clarkson, commenting on the photograph on the cover of her new single. [Gatecrasher]
• "When I started filming Lost I was 24 and I’ll be 30 this summer… When you’re in your 20s, men tend to see you as a piece of ass, and women will probably regard you as young and cute. But once you reach your 30s, suddenly people are going to take you seriously and women are more like, 'She’s reached maturity and she’s going to start sagging like the rest of us!'" — Evangeline Lily. [Mirror]
• "I always wanted to kill Hitler, I hated him. As a child studying history and looking at documents, I wondered, why didn't someone stand up and try to stop it?" — Tom Cruise. [Reuters, USA Today]
• "This is me saying this is who I am. This is my story. After all the years of reading scripts and reading lines, this is my chance to do something straight from the heart and put it out there. When I was young I liked punk rock music but then I discovered rap. I love the storytelling aspect of hip-hop." — Joaquin Phoenix. [People]
• "Obama's a unique figure in history. The fundamental American-ness of his story and the fact that he represents for many, many people an image and a view of the country that felt like it was so long missing in action…This place we've been talking about, singing about... it's alive. It isn't dead. It exists… There's always tomorrow and, hopefully, you can use the word 'hopefully' now. You can live here, and use the word 'hopefully'. So that's pretty nice." — Bruce Springsteen. [Guardian]

• Brad Pitt has donated $100,000 to the campaign to defeat Proposition 8, the California ballot initiative that would ban same-sex marriage in the state. In a statement, he says: "Because no one has the right to deny another their life even though they disagree with it, because everyone has the right to live the life they so desire if it doesn't harm another and because discrimination has no place in America, my vote will be for equality and against Proposition 8." [Variety]
• Hilary Swank is recovering from a "minor" medical procedure; she had a "growth" removed and is totally fine. Except the word "growth" is sorta gross. [ET]
• Amy Poehler is sad about leaving SNL: "I'm on the verge of tears every minute. The cast and writers there are so dear, dear to me. I can't quite imagine not doing it. From now until my due date, we have about six shows and three election specials. I'm so, so sad about leaving." [USA Today]
• Oprah's BFF Gayle King spills on O's 30 Rock stint! "It is a hoot," Gayle tells New York magazine. "It was taped last Saturday. Let me tell you, Tina Fey and Oprah Winfrey together is magic. Oprah and Tina together: Hilarious. H-I-L-A-A-A-R-I-O-U-S." [NY Mag]

• So you know how Lindsay Lohan is all prO-bama, and the Obama camp is like, "Thanks, but no thanks"? Michael Lohan says: "Everyone is entitled to an opinion and so is Obama and his staff. Then again, you know what they say about opinions. Unfortunately, for them, to make such a comment about my daughter was a big mistake… Look at Angelina Jolie and the wonderful things she has done in her life, and now watch how Lindsay does the same." Wait, does this mean that LL is going to adopt a Vietnamese baby? [TMZ]
• Speaking of Lindsay, does she have a crush on Victoria Beckham? At the premiere of Ugly Betty, she was heard saying: "I love her hair. She looks really hot at the moment. It reminds me of Sam." [ONTD]
• Superclassy Joe Francis says: "Lindsay's straight. I think Sam has taken ownership of Lindsay. I think if Sam were to let Lindsay go even that much; Lindsay would revert back to being straight." [E!]
• Will Smith was asked if he was a Scientologist. He replied: "I am not." There you have it! [Perez Hilton]
• Juliette Lewis says Tom Cruise is not the representation of all things Scientology. "I feel so bad for him, because that's the responsibility that's put on him." She also says Scientology is not what you think it is: "It's just really practical, applied religious philosophy. And you'll get lost in the media with these fantastic, fantastical - is that a word? - stories of, like, aliens and, you know, gay cover-ups … the rumours, they're astonishing. And they would be funny, if they weren't so hurtful." [Perez Hilton]
• Here's video of Madonna falling on stage in concert while playing guitar and grinding, "just for the lulz." [ONTD]
• By the by, in Madonna's film, her directorial debut called Filth And Wisdom, a pivotal scene involves a stripper dancing to Britney Spears' "Baby One More Time." [Yahoo News]
• Jennifer Aniston is in Mexico with a mystery man. [The Sun]
• R. Kelly was interviewed for the first time since being acquitted of child pornography charges. When asked if he liked teenage girls, Kelly replied: "When you say teenage, how — how old are we talkin' ... 19? I have some 19-year-old friends. But I don't like anybody illegal, if that's what we're talking about, underage." [Yahoo News]
• Rose McGowan said that she would have joined the Irish Republican Army if she'd lived in Belfast during the conflicts there; producers of her film, Fifty Dead Men Walking have issued a statement that goes like this: "Ms. McGowan's views were private ones, and as such they greatly saddened the film's producers." [Hollywood Reporter]
• Elizabeth Hurley is now like the Jimmy Dean of England and sells pork for sausage and bacon. No, really. [The Sun]
• Jason Wahler's trial is set for November 3; he's accused of roughing up a tow-truck driver. There are also allegations that he shouted racial slurs at the plaintiff, who is black. [E!]
• Gary Coleman has been charged with misdemeanor reckless driving and disorderly conduct after an incident at a bowling alley in Utah. A fan tried to take Gary's picture with a cell phone camera; Gary allegedly attacked him and ran over him with his truck. [E!]
• Actor Thomas Jane (seen in The Punisher, married to Patricia Arquette) has pleaded no contest to drunken driving after doing 120 mph in a Maserati. He's been sentenced to to a year of probation, $1,700 in fines and alcohol abuse classes. Didn't the Medium see this coming? [Yahoo News]
• Those Jerry Seinfeld/Bill Gates ads are ending. Try to act interested. [LA Times]
• John Cleese is making like his James Bond alter ego Q and hosting a new gadget show in the UK. [The Sun]
• Ranae Shrider, aka Verne "Mini-Me" Troyer's ex-girlfriend, says she has no idea who is behind the overseas website that released a sex tape of Ranae and Verne. "I actually found out about the website when a friend of mine from college called and asked, 'Did you know you can have sex with Mini-Me for $9.95?'" Shrider says. [AVN]
• Denzel Washington, Jackie Joyner-Kersee, Martin Sheen, Wesley Clark and Shaquille O'Neal, who attended the Boys & Girls Clubs of America as children, have lent their childhood photos to the organization for a national advertising campaign. Denzel was adorbs. [AP]
• Redmond O'Neal's drug sponsor is Ashley Hamilton. The guy who was married to Shannen Doherty. His mom is Alana Stewart, Farrah Fawcett's best friend. And Farrah is Redmond's mom. Got it? [Janet Charlton's Hollywood]
• The Foo Fighters: On a long break. [Perez Hilton]
• Dita Von Teese claims she has never been an exhibitionist. "I wouldn't be caught dead baring my stomach," she says. "To me, baring my stomach during the day is just wrong. Remember that fashion for wearing super-low cut jeans? I tried a pair on once as a joke. It looked disgusting — I mean pornographic." [Sydney Morning Herald]
• Justin Timberlake isn't working on an album because he has fashion and golf to think about. [USA Today]
• Despite earlier reports that he was gonna get blown up or something, an expert says there is no credible terror threat against Paul McCartney regarding his upcoming gig in Israel. Shalom! [UPI]
• Keira Knightley to star in a modern love story and not a period piece! [Variety]
• "They're a bunch of pasty white, completely non-rock and roll, Christian… I can't stand that shit! I don't even know what they sound like." — Courtney Love on The Jonas Brothers. [MSNBC]
• "Everything that has happened to me, good and bad, I feel has happened for a reason. I've been made stronger from the good stuff and much, much stronger from the bad stuff." — Anne Hathaway. [People]
• "All kinds of Christians are getting mad about my Sarah Palin comments, and it is pissing me off […] If you truly believed in Jesus, you would try to be like him and love us, fags and dykes and feminists all. God bless you, even you. You fucking fuckers." — Margaret Cho. [Perez Hilton]

• Naomi Campbell pleaded guilty to kicking and spitting at police officers after screaming foul words at a British Airways employee. Naomi was heard on the phone saying: "They have lost my fucking bags, get me another flight, get the press, get me my lawyer." What? Like you don't say that all the time. Please. [The Sun]
• Didja hear? Jamie Lynn Spears squeezed out a daughter named Maddie Briann yesterday. Good luck, kid! Er, kids. [E!]
• Not that you needed to know this but: JLS didn't have a C-section. [ET]
• Casey Aldridge was so nervous the first time he held his new daughter — birthed by girlfriend Jamie Lynn Spears — that he said he was afraid he's drop her. Aw. [TMZ]
• "[Jamie Lynn] is awfully young to be a momma, but that's what they make [grandmothers] for. They have to help. That's the way it is with our circle of friends." —JLS's distant cousin Margie Busby. [People]
• Britney might move back to Louisiana. [Us]
• Snoop Dogg's new country video is out! "Country music is the most underrated music in the world," Snoop, who dedicates the song to Johnny Cash, says. "It always has the test of time, it's great, it's heartfelt, and it touches people no matter what color they are or where they're from." [People]

• Amy Winehouse is still in the hospital. [People]
• Tom Cruise is introducing David Beckham and Will Smith to fencing. Or, as this paper notes, they play with their swords together. [Mirror]
• Would you look at Will Smith's son, Jaden, 9, surrounded by blondes? [E!]
• Rhys Ifans is "heartbroken" after his split with Sienna Miller, which is why he got loaded and threw a beer bottle at photographers. Or maybe they were harassing him. [The Sun]
• Holy crap! After 14 years, is there a song from the Guns N Roses album, Chinese Democracy? [E!]
• OMG OMG Match Game is coming back? Seriously, I watch the old episodes on GSN and it is the best thing ever conceived. Drunk celebrities making sexual innuendos and double entendres. Bret Sommers, Richard Dawson, Charles Nelson Reilly. And that skinny mic Gene Rayburn rocks! It's corny, it's genius. Watch this. Or this. Oh! Anyway: Sarah Silverman, Norm MacDonald and Rashida Jones will be on the new version. [ONTD]
• Katie Holmes's Broadway play is bumping Mario Lopez's Broadway musical from its theater. Are we living in a parallel dimension where such a sentence makes sense? [ONTD]
• Janice Dickinson: Seen wearing an eyepatch and throwing water on a paparazzi. These TMZ dudes are jerks, huh? They just stalk and harass celebs till something happens and then post the video as "news." [TMZ]
• If you know who Charlotte Church is, you may care that she is pregnant with her second child. [The Sun]
• Oh no! The H, A, and N on this Hancock billboard in London were added last. Meaning, for a period of time, the sign read COCK. [The Sun]
• In Pete Doherty's new YouTube video, he films himself while taking a bath. What? At least he's clean. [The Sun]
• Molly Sims' dog ate so much sand it had to go to the hospital. [Page Six]
• Socialite Tinsley Mortimer is apparently too boring to get her own MTV show. [Page Six]
• Oprah Winfrey's bff Gayle King likes James Frey's new book, ha ha. [Page Six]
• Twin models walked off the set of Catherine Zeta-Jones's new movie The Rebound because they didn't want to wear skimpy bathing suits, yawn. [Page Six]
• Is there trouble in paradise for Ivana Trump and her new hubby? He didn't go with her to England's Royal Ascot races or to a slew of parties in Saint-Tropez. What the hell is wrong with him? Hanging with Ivana sounds fun. [Rush & Molloy]
• Jeremy Piven hit on Megan Fox at a party and promptly struck out. [Page Six]
• Jay-Z's new glasses are reminiscent of Raj from What's Happening!!. [The.Life Files]

The Good:
Note to self: Look as awesome as Iman every day. (Must find floral dress that is feisty, not frilly.) Also, accessorize with David Bowie.
Martha Stewart: Her basic black look is chic and fresh. It's a good thing.
Okay, considering that Donna Karan typically turns up looking somewhere between crazy cat lady and homeless, I'm relieved to see her in something fitted and a little funky. Also, totally digging the shoes.
Russell Simmons and Porschia Coleman: Gorgeous couple, great sense of style.
I only hope that Robert DeNiro appreciates the vast awesomeness of wife Grace Hightower's caftan.


The Bad:
It appears that Sigourney Weaver showed up in her pajamas.
Natasha Richardson's dress is just a wee bit too short, no? And Drena DeNiro is a little too made up.
As the heir apparent to the universe (she is Oprah's bestie after all), surely Gayle King could have mustered together something a little more impressive than this.
Dear Seinfelds: Stop looking so smug. Especially since Jessica's shoes are sure to embarrass you in years to come.


The Ugly:
I can't get over Deborah Lin's shoes. Even the intimidating presence of James Gandolfini isn't enough to distract from footwear that bears an uncanny resemblance to the first shoes-with-heels I ever owned. The year was 1997. The occasion was my Bat Mitzvah.

[Images via FilmMagic and Getty.]

• Listen to Heidi Montag's earsplittting new single, "No More," at your own risk. It sounds like this: You said I was the reason why we couldn't work out but it was all a lie...Ar ar ar ai ai ah ah blah dah dah, except in like, dolphin language. [People]
  
• Lindsay Lohan reportedly left a series of phone messages for Calum Best that were all, "I can't believe you would ever fucking do this to me, I should have listened to everyone. I should never have fucking trusted you." Hey Linds! Didja hear? That's not you in the BJ clip! [The Sun]
  
• A judge is upholding the conservatorship of Britney Spears, despite some random lawyer's appeal. [Yahoo News]
  
• Britney kept her sunglasses on during rehearsals for How I Met Your Mother. Very professional. [MSNBC]

• A source says the role was very carefully chosen and avoided "trigger" topics like her music career and her kids. "They just wanted her to be treated normally, but obviously this wasn't a normal situation. This wasn't about her career, it was about her health." [MSNBC]
• Ooh, Britney revelations via Henry Rollins! Yeah, that's right, Henry Motherfucking Rollins! Henry sez: "They have the black chick come in and sing, and Britney sings over it, and they mix them together. (Britney) gets her phrasing basically from this older R&B woman. I found that out talking to an engineer. Britney apparently isn't actually the worst singer, she just has no feel. So they bring in this older black woman who sings the song, then Britney sings to it, and they kind of make a mix of the two voices, and that's what you hear on the records." [Dlisted]
• Cashmere Mafia: Dunzo? And Lipstick Jungle coming back? Is anyone watching either show? [Page Six]
• A dude named David K. Zandi is lobbying to star in Prince of Persia: Sands of Time, a Disney flick based on a video game. Actors up for the role include Orlando Bloom, Milo Ventimiglia and Zac Efron but Zandi says "people are fascinated that a real Persian with royal lineage could be hired to play this role." And by people he means himself. Anyway, Disney is all LOL. [Page Six]
• Grey's Anatomy star Justin Chambers had a vasectomy after he and his wife had their 5th child. But! The couple would consider adopting! Are they battling Angelina for kiddie supremacy? [Page Six]
• Weekly mag editors find Ashton Kutcher's show, Pop Fiction and the fake news it's trying to peddle (Avril's pregnancy, Paris' guru) in a word, yawn. [Rush & Molloy]
• Nude photo of Carla Bruni, aka French First Lady, up for auction! [Rush & Molloy]
• Allen Covert, who has co-starred in a dozen movies with Adam Sandler, was arrested on the set of his latest Sandler film when he spat and slapped a paparazzo he thought was filming his kid. [TMZ]
• The family of Bob Marley will not allow his music to be in a Weinstein Co. film, even though Rita Marley is an executive producer on the project. But Martin Scorsese is set to direct a documentary on Bob, which would be allowed to use his music, according to Ziggy. [TMZ]
• Dancing With The Stars alum Sara Evans went through a very public divorce battle last year but won't let that stop her from getting engaged to a former University of Alabama quarterback. Congrats. [People]
• Milo Ventimiglia has a YouTube account in which you can see videos of Milo brushing his teeth and whatnot. Gripping! [People]
• The Smashing Pumpkins are suing Virgin Records for illegally using their name and music in promotional deals. Did anyone know the Smashing Pumpkins were still around? [Yahoo News]
• Sean Diddy Combs has settled a lawsuit brought by a man who claims the rapper punched him outside of a Hollywood hotel, but the terms of the deal are unknown. [Yahoo News]
• Denise Richards, who was legally known as Denise Sheen, is changing her name back to Denise Richards. Don't these people have anything better to do than go to court? [Yahoo News]
• Heather Mills once claimed she'd been offered a title, Baroness Mills; a new TV documentary calls bullshit on that. [Mirror]
• Ice T and Coco have a sex secret called The Stroke that you can feel free to read more about if you care to. [The Sun]
• Amy Winehouse has been offered £350,000 to perform at a Dutch club that is "in the heart of the biggest drug circuit in Holland." Oh, dear. Sing, take the money and run! [The Sun]
• Pete Doherty was seen visiting Amy's house with hands that looked like they "hadn't been washed for a week." Such lovely imagery this morning! [The Sun]

[New York, January 9. Image via x17]

Once a week our friend Slut Machine winnows down the most important programming on television to a delicious two to three minute-long morsel of vagina-themed gold. Behold The Lady Bunch

Thank God for The View, and the crack of B.Dub's whip. She works those ladies to the bone. They're live with new episodes all summer. Meanwhile, it's been reruns for Tyra and Oprah all week. But seriously, it doesn't matter if the eps are new or old because all the shows really only ever discuss the same two topics all the time anyway: food and sex. Don't get me wrong—I'm totally not complaining. I am so on board for any discussions regarding masturbation or a plate of ribs. Or pretty much any thing regarding masturbation or a plate of ribs.

So, let's actually review the ribs thing. We all know Tyra loves her ribs.

Remember when she sucked all the meat off the bone in one swift movement in front of the anorexic church lady Gwen Shamblin? That was awesome and all, but I do think it's weird that she's always trying to eat with her guests, even if the interview isn't about food at all. She force fed ribs to Niki Taylor, and when Molly Sims was on, she brought out some red velvet cake. It's like she won't be satisfied until all models are 161 right there with her.

Oprah served up a plate of food-based episodes, and had a whole hour with her nutritionist Bob Greene. But she also had some big names on her couch this week. She talked molestation with Mary J. Blige, and makeovers with Iman and Naomi Campbell, with whom she rehashed some of her bad hair days. I totally forgot about her Tina Turner wig. I must've suppressed the memory.

Speaking of hair, Jon Bon Jovi was on the view this week.

Wouldn't it have been more fitting had his shirt said this:

As far as guest co-hosts this week, it was the best of times and the worst of times. First off, Star Parker was on. I'm not gonna even go into because she's her own separate post. And Sherri Shepherd was on again. I thought I couldn't hate her anymore than I already did, but then she revealed this week that she's "a spanker"; and she hits her two-year-old son in public. I mean, I don't even like children, and I'm sure that anything Sherri Shepherd popped out would be at least HALF as annoying, but still, hitting babies is wrong. No?

Oprah's BFF Gayle King was on twice this week. I'm no lezzie or anything but I can't help fagging out about her. She's fabulous!

Oh, and while we're on the subject of fagging out:

I'm absolutely offended that he thinks he should be a permanent co-host. The whole thing about The View that makes it awesome is that it's women. Sorry, P. You may be a queen, and you may lack balls, but you're still not qualified for the position.