funnyordie - Jezebel

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Jon Gosselin Spoofs Himself
Douchebags Unite, You Have Nothing To Lose But Your (Gold) Chains
"Gookie! Guckie! Gooo-Chiii!": James Franco Freaks Out In The Soundbooth
The Villain Wore An Affliction T-Shirt
Helen Thomas On Doing The Right Thing, Gay Marriage
Kristin Cavallari Is No Dear Abby
"You're Not Going To Spend This Whole Road Trip Freaking Out About Your Mom, Are You?"
Will Arnett's Really Excited To See His Old Friend
Mixed Feelings About Gay Stereotypes In Brüno
Casey Wilson "Reads" Internet Comments

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boring diatribes
11/11/09

In reply to Jon Gosselin Spoofs Himself
My favorite part was at the end when he stopped talking for an awkward amount of time and I thought this may be a forever thing. #jongosselinfunnyordie
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BytheSea
11/11/09

@boring diatribes: It's like when Colin is in trouble and he stares into the middle distance so if anyone yells at him, they don't feel like they're getting through. (Kate's words.)

Or maybe all the pot has killed the nerve cells that make facial expressions. #jongosselinfunnyordie
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boring diatribes
11/11/09

@BytheSea: God, I love Colin! See, the backlash of all this is that I won't be able to know what happens to those kids in the future, which is extremely selfish on my part. I imagine a few of them will be bitter and want to be as far away from the spotlight as possible (while future-Mady tries to market her sex tape). #jongosselinfunnyordie
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BlondeGoddess
11/11/09

In reply to Jon Gosselin Spoofs Himself
PR Strategy 3,685: Make fun of yourself! People love people who make fun of themselves!

PR Strategy 3,686 Make fun of Michael Lohan! People hate Michael Lohan!

PR Strategy 3,687 Still not working? We'll get back to you tomorrow! #jongosselinfunnyordie
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o-line
11/11/09

In reply to Jon Gosselin Spoofs Himself
Funny or Die... Is that like Cake or Death? Because, sorry Jon, we've run out of cake and that wasn't funny. #jongosselinfunnyordie
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Triana Orpheus
11/11/09

In reply to Jon Gosselin Spoofs Himself
Now if only he'd remove his name from the headlines, delete himself from America's collective memory and pack up his famewhoring ways. #jongosselinfunnyordie
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bibomaco
11/11/09

In reply to Jon Gosselin Spoofs Himself
He totally did this for money. #jongosselinfunnyordie
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victoriasauce
11/11/09

In reply to Jon Gosselin Spoofs Himself
Eh. It would be funny if 8 kids weren't involved. Or maybe if the point weren't, Haha just kidding..I'm staying a douchebag forever.
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EdnasEdibles
11/11/09

In reply to Jon Gosselin Spoofs Himself
Is it possible for him to go even one day without appearing on camera somewhere? #jongosselinfunnyordie
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rd2uk
11/11/09

In reply to Jon Gosselin Spoofs Himself
did i just find something this goon does, funny? f me. #jongosselinfunnyordie
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Newsgirl
11/11/09

In reply to Jon Gosselin Spoofs Himself
I had a dream last night that Jon Gosselin broke into my house and stole all of my pennies. I blame Jezebel for this and all of these hilarious/creepy photos and screen grabs. #jongosselinfunnyordie
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oh_desy
11/11/09

@Newsgirl: I had a dream that John and Kate wanted to renew their vows in my backyard. The ceremony involved trapeze artists dressed like angels carrying them in. My parents were easy-going about the whole thing, and I just kept saying, "but they're horrible people! They can't get remarried in our yard!" I totally knew they were just doing it for the publicity. Also, yes, I blame Jezebel. #jongosselinfunnyordie
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kate79
11/11/09

@Newsgirl: last week I dreamt that Richard Heane (the balloon boy dad) was chasing me through the woods with a shotgun. I totally blame Jezebel for that as well. #jongosselinfunnyordie
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oh_desy
11/11/09

@kate79: That sounds terrifying! #jongosselinfunnyordie
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suiterkin
11/11/09

@Newsgirl: @oh_desy: Me too! I had a dream a couple of nights ago that Jon showed up at my work, and I was the only one who knew who he was because I spend too much time on Jezebel instead of working. I finger-waggingly shamed him into turning over a new leaf (though, obvs, the point is that I need to shame myself into working more). This video is really freaking me out! #jongosselinfunnyordie
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TryScience
11/11/09

@Newsgirl: I read "pennies" as "penises". I think murder would be legal in that case. #jongosselinfunnyordie
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Newsgirl
11/11/09

@kate79: That's horrifying! #jongosselinfunnyordie
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emfish55
11/11/09

In reply to Jon Gosselin Spoofs Himself
Die. #jongosselinfunnyordie
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BetteD
10/29/09

In reply to Douchebags Unite, You Have Nothing To Lose But Your (Gold) Chains
"Like a fucking...mint"

Beautiful. #douchebags
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salthegeek
10/29/09

In reply to Douchebags Unite, You Have Nothing To Lose But Your (Gold) Chains
My school has a big greek community so I see allot of these types of guys. One frat I think has a thing where they call a girl and mess with emotions or something. Hence me calling them the Purplebellies for that (I'll heart any one who gets that reference). #douchebags
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Mary McCarthyite
10/29/09

In reply to Douchebags Unite, You Have Nothing To Lose But Your (Gold) Chains
Actually the Northeast title of "Guido" is misleading because I know a lot of Greek dudes in Queens who fall under that description. They are in their post-college 20s and all still live with their moms. #douchebags
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clevernamehere
10/29/09

@Mary McCarthyite: I think Guido is completely ethnically neutral. You can live with your mom or on your own. You an be unemployed, a builder or a broker. You can be a nice guy or a douche. It's a look, not a value judgement. #douchebags
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booter26
10/29/09

@Mary McCarthyite: I was thinking something along those lines-- that chart really fails to take into the diversity of California douchebaggery. Yes, we have a profusion of SoCal BroCals (actually the least offensive kind of douchebag I know...I barely suspected those guys were douchebags until now! I actually just thought they were called "50% of the guys who live in this city.") The "popped collar" Saguar-bro (who usually live in parts of California that people in the good parts don't really consider California so they even fit the criteria of "Wishing they were from California") is the most scorned of the species around here...and in rural areas, you are sure to come across more than your fair share of Ghetto Rednecks.

I imagine that the chart purposefully avoided getting "all racial and shit" (you know, unless you consider "Guido" a racial slur, which it um, kinda is), but what about a little shout out to culturally diverse douchebaggery?

Any culture with a language that includes a word for "stupid idiot" (probs all of them) has a population of douchebags.

California has, give or take, ~8 million Latino males and it's simply a given that some of them are going to be Pendejos. And the Californian Latino douchebag has several subcategories, with some overarching themes across the board.

Now, not that there aren't gang- affiliated douchebags, but if you are actually in a gang, then I think you have some credibility to dress, talk, and behave in the manner expected from One Affiliated With an Organization. Wouldn't call a Shriner a douchebag just for wearing his fez and riding a little bike in a parade, would you? You would?! It's for charity, people, charity!! Okay, bad example. My point being it's not the look alone, it's who that's wearing it. Douchebags are inherently posers trying too hard to be something they aren't, and so I would say the quintessential Pendejos of SoCal are 2nd or 3rd generation sons of the large Hispanic Upper-middle class in our area who dress like Guillermo in "Weeds", and threaten to start knife fights in between Honors English and AP Chemistry, leaving their parents bewildered, wondering why generations of their families have worked SO FUCKING HARD SO THEIR SONS COULD DRESS LIKE GANGBANGER TRASH??? And oh, how I cherish the California Persian douchebag penchant, the younger and richer of which are duly noted in Clueless: ("That's the Persian mafia. You can't hang with them unless you have a BMW.") The Persian community of my area does douchebaggery with such flair, I sometimes find myself willfully ignoring both the universal and culturally specific douchebag red flags all together and start threatening my boyfriend that I am going to leave him for my exotic suitor (i.e. the guy who sells me cigarettes and gum at the liquor store down the street). "Don't think I won't do it, Mister! He's a BUSINESS OWNER!!" I'm blinded by all the Gold jewelry. Plus, he knows a guy, owns a dealership. Can help me out if I'm ever in the market for a very expensive car with a prominent logo, like say, that one that he himself owns that he's pointing to outside. Yes, the one with the rims.

As a disclaimer, I mentioned the only two prominent non-Caucasian communities I am familiar with. I would hate to make uninformed, broad sweeping generalizations about people I've never met. God forbid. That would be completely against the spirit of this original post. ;-) #douchebags
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Mary McCarthyite
10/30/09

@booter26: Wow. Slow clap! I think you should write an article on this. Or a thesis! #douchebags
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theKP
10/29/09

In reply to Douchebags Unite, You Have Nothing To Lose But Your (Gold) Chains
Ed Hardy definitely seems to be a theme. #douchebags
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BetteD
10/29/09

@theKP: There is never a bad time for that video. #douchebags
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Aaron Martin-Colby
10/29/09

In reply to Douchebags Unite, You Have Nothing To Lose But Your (Gold) Chains
Look for it in the designer bag. #douchebags
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