Because wack is stoopid, ridiculous and avoidable. Yet wack is persistent. I heard my friend's voice in my mind while paging through a recent Urban Outfitters catalog.

Does this make my ass look wack? Well, you've fallen prey to the Anti-Pants Agenda and you look like the lovechild of Lady Gaga and Eustace Tilley. So yes. Your ass looks wack.

Does this make my ass look wack? Do you have a yeasty, medical need to air out your crotch like that? Do you work in a discothèque in Aladdin's palace? No? Then: Yes. Your ass looks wack.

Does this make my ass look wack? You were great in that one scene in A Passage To India, but stealing wardrobe from the set is a no-no. Your ass looks wack.

Does this make my ass look wack? Are you an angel based on the hooker from Pretty Woman? Yes? Your ass looks wack.

Does this make my ass look wack? Sorry, sweetie, all the sexyface in the world won't allow me to ignore the fact that you're wearing acid-wash looking jeans. You have a lovely figure. But… Your ass looks wack.

Does this make my ass look wack? Let's see… Rebel without a cause from a little house on the prairie is saved by the bell? Your ass looks wack.

Does this make my ass look wack? Toplessness is soooo Fall 2008. Therefore you are out of style; therefore your ass looks wack.

Does this make my ass look wack? El. Oh. El.

Earlier: What Clothes? Urban Outfitters Presents Naked & Half-Naked Chicks
Fall At J. Crew: Romantic Ruffles, Destroyed Jeans, Hideous Shoes
5 Hideous Things Urban Outfitters Wants You To Wear This Summer
May Anthropologie Catalog: Totally Watered Down

Upon first glance, the orange shirt with pulled-out collar under a white double-breasted jacket is unsavory enough. But look again: Pre-creased jeans and blue suede shoes. Barf bag, anyone?

Squareneck tank and doo-doo brown shorts = Not sexy.

While everything on this page is awful, honorable mention goes to the "Caribbean silk shirt" with laces. Not even Johnny Depp, aka Captain Jack Sparrow, could make that acceptable. Congrats, Dude With Sun-In-Lightened Hair.

"Sleek and modern, suiting gets down to business." Pray tell: Which sort of business calls for an elongated Nehru jacket or a pin-striped leather blazer? Really. Love to know.

Try to decide which color is the worst: Silver, black, or gold. Then get distracted thinking about what would happen if you snagged a fingernail on this shirt.

Sterilize yourself in 2.5 seconds!

The side trimmer, top left, smooths out your love handles, while the one-piece body trimmer below has a panel for your pesky tummy. As for the padded butt brief, well, it should be obvious. Not pictured: The humiliation you'll feel if anyone finds out you own or are wearing one of these items.

Okay, okay, gauze has a casual, comfy, beachy vibe. But gauze overalls? What could be worse?

Never mind.

If you're playing a gangster in a cartoon from the 1930s, this coat is acceptable. Otherwise? No.

This was a hot look once. Marcus Shenkenberg was a hot new male model and Extreme's "More Than Words" was a hot new song on the charts. Those days are over.

Leather overalls? They're just taunting us now.

We have a winner! This has got to be the worst. You probably always wondered where fake vampires shop. (Real vampires would wear Dior.)

[International Male]

Earlier: Urban Outfitters, Free People & Anthropologie: What's The Difference?
Harry, David, Dean & Deluca: Chocolate Pagan Easter Symbols And $6,000 Caviar
Free People: Someone Watched The Darjeeling Limited Before Booking This Photo Shoot
'Wooden Soldier' Tortures Your WASPy Spawn With Horrifying, Anachronistic Duds
Pottery Barn, Anthropologie & West Elm: Bedding Porn For Sleepyheads
Brooks Brothers: This Christmas, WASPs Are Mad For Plaid